Hey, welcome to “Aprons Off,” the show where we stop cooking and just kind of hang out, but today we are doing a little bit of cooking in the metaphorical sense, of course, because we are letting you in to our internal secret cabals. You go to a fast food restaurant, right? They got the normal menu. Yeah. Yeah… They got the secret menu. [Nicole and Trevor] Yeah! And then they got the secret menu that lives so deeply hidden inside your heart that it can only come out during a relatively short-form YouTube format. What is going on here? I’m banging out an intro and I’m crushing it right now! Anyways, we’re showing you our personal favorite fast food hacks because there’s a lot of hacks out there… Yeah. I saw that show! Just like two episodes. …showing you their fast food hacks that don’t make any damn sense, but ours are all super cool! Super cool, super smart, super exciting! Wow. Are they… mine… are your guys’ super cool and super smart? You might need to carry this. Mine’s super cool and super smart and is rooted in real-life tradition, but, Trevor, I’m interested to see yours because you seem to think that it sucks. Well, no, it doesn’t suck. It’s amazing. But it’s not like a “hack.” It’s more of just like the right way to eat it. Okay. Ooh! It’s from Popeyes. Oh! We like that! Okay, so here’s the thing- I thought that you were gonna do a “whoa” too. No, I like it. Because, okay, you gotta get the mashed potatoes and you gotta get the red beans and rice. Okay. And then you get tendies. I only order tendies from Popeye’s. Big tendy guy here. That adds up so hard. Big tendy guy? I could have told you you’re a big tendy guy. Yeah. Well then what you do here is you take it, you don’t need a spoon. Yeah! Right? Yeah! Show them, show them that one. Hold it like… no, keep it like that. Angle it that way. When I saw it, I didn’t wanna say anything. Which part do you dip in? Do you dip the… it would be called like the handle.. the shaft. Would you dip the shaft in first? I saw it and I’m like- I can’t eat this one! No, yeah you can! Uh, that’s homophobic, Trevor. That’s the one you have to eat! No! You gotta eat it. What if I told you most tenders are shaped like that? It’s art! We could have sold that on eBay for like $4. Okay, anyway, now that we’re done being children- Mouth wide open! Mouth wide open! You just take the tender and you use it as a spoon to dip and scoop this. Ah! That’s smart! Mm-hmm. Can I try it? Mm-hmm. Do we try it now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dipping the bean bags in the beans. You just like… you don’t need a spoon, it just makes it better. You don’t. And you don’t need like ranch or dipping sauce. You can ranch it if you want, but- My favorite part about this is you don’t even need to eat the tender, you can just go- Suck it? Yeah! And you’re still getting a lot of that flavor, so- Like an oyster! Uh-huh! Can we just talk about how good Popeye’s red beans and rice are? Mm-hmm! So good! It’s so smokey, too. Phenomenal. I will literally drive through a Popeye’s on my way home and just get a large red beans and rice. Yeah, I’ve ordered just red beans and rice for you for lunch more than once. Yeah. You stick it in the cup holder and that’s just an easy snack on the way home. Damn! I wanna drink that with a boba straw! Yeah! Slurp the beans through it? It is so good. Or just go in with your fingers. A little spicy, a little smokey. Phenomenal. Is this a hack? It’s just my preferred way of eating. Let me… I have one issue with this. Let me get it in the gravy and see if it’s a hack. If you had one of these, would your hack change? What? No, no. You don’t need… that’s what I said, you don’t need a utensil. Mmm. Well, you said you’re already fingering it. Yeah. So do you ever need a utensil? No. I guess you don’t. No you don’t. Well, what is the essence of a fast food hack to you? Because like a lot of ’em are like, “here’s how to get a free burrito at Chipotle” and it’s just you making the employees uncomfortable. You’re just like, “I ask them, ‘pretty please just give me a free tortilla, and free cheese, and free lettuce, and free sour cream!’” Well, I think what con constitutes a hack is taking a food that is at a fast food place and making it better by doing something a little bit unconventional to it. I do think this is unconventional. The greatest fast food hack of all time- McDonald’s eventually caught on- it was called… I don’t know if you can say it. It’s a term for a lower income community that I will not… but, that, Big Mac. And what you’d do is you’d take a McDouble. Okay. And then you would ask for lettuce, pickles, no ketchup and mustard, add Big Mac sauce- Mm-hmm. And so you would effectively create the same thing as a Big Mac minus the middle bun- it still tastes the same- and you’re getting a better meat-to-bun ratio. Totally, totally. We’ve talked about this. A Big Mac cost like $3.49 at the time and this only cost like $1.20. Oh, that’s incredible. So you’re basically creating a Big Mac, the same amount of food, for two dollars less. Yum! That was the ultimate fast food hack. But then McDonald’s caught on- Yeah. …realized that you were exploiting their loss lead of a McDouble to get the price- Did they ever make that a menu item or did they just say, “uh, Big Mac.” They started charging like $2 for Big Mac sauce. Ugh! Ugh! They were like, “fine, you want it?! You want it?! Here you go.” So that was a hack, ’cause you like- Freak you, Michael Keaton! One time I had to get like- You know it wasn’t a documentary, right? Oh. What? That was not a documentary with Michael Keaton. No, he started MacDonald. No, that was an acted out movie. He played a man called Ray Kroc. Did you think they were just calling Michael Keaton “Ray” for no reason in the movie? No, Michael Keaton started the “MacDonald.” His middle name is Ray. Oh, it’s Michael Ray? Oh, my bad. Yeah. Dummy! You were saying? I was saying, one time I had to get a bunch of Big Mac sauce and they weren’t giving it to me and then I had to lie and say, “it’s the only thing my son eats” and I don’t have a son! And then they gimme like 14 of them. We lie a lot. We do. Yeah. Yeah. You guys wanna see mine? Yeah! Yeah, sure. Now this is what I call a hack! So what you do is- Hold on! Whoa! Shock and awe campaign here. Wow, happy birthday! So what you do, is you buy two Crunchwrap Supremes from the Taco Bell, you go to a nearby In-N-Out, ’cause often they’re next to each other, and then you get a four-by-four protein style, ’cause don’t need the buns where we’re going! And then you spread all of the burgers out across the two Crunchwrap Supremes- You’re crazy! This is a real thing that I did before I ever made stupid food content as my job. I was just doing it as a passion. There you go, if you’ll see it gets quite wet. Trevor. Is there fire sauce in there? Holy God! Oh, yeah. I emptied two packets of fire sauce right in there. Thank you so much! I was in the middle of dirty bulking as a track and field elite-level athlete, not an elite athlete, but I was at the elite level and I participated. And I needed a bunch of calories and so I got 2000 calories worth of Crunchwrap Supremes and In-N-Out, and I just laid it together like a lasagna, and I ate it on a bus while our coach chose to show the movie “Buried” with Ryan Reynolds- Horrible, horrible. …to an entire bus full of college students. It’s so juicy! Oh my God. Now that’s living! What do you think? Pretty good… The crunchwrap, the top crunchwrap like suctions to the top of your mouth. Yeah! Yeah. And then it’s just like kind of up there. But that provides a buffer for the rest of it to slide down like a shoehorn. It’s like eating a Mexican ShamWow. No. I would much rather just have a crunchwrap or an In-N-Out burger. But how are you gonna get the 2000 calories so you can wash Ryan Reynolds’ “Buried” on a Greyhound bus? I have a question. There’s this a regular burger or is this animal style? Four-by-four protein style, regular. I don’t eat animal style, I don’t like the pickles. I feel like animal style would lend itself, and I would just get rid of the lettuce. But that’s where the crunch is. Because all the crunchwrap is, once you finish assembling this, the crunch in the crunchwraps is gone. I don’t need the crunchwrap. It’s steamed out. It’s absorbed like a starfish eating its own young. It just absorbs into the crunchwrap, so the lettuce is the only crunch. Do starfish eat their own young? I assume. What? Man, you’d eat this whole thing? I ate this whole thing on a bus. Yeah, I’d probably throw up. At like 10:00 at night. I would definitely throw up. I think if I had to eat half of it, I would throw up. I’m thinking about throwing up right now. What did friends say on the bus? They were like, “way to go!” Or were they like, “ew!” I still get messages about this. Really? Shout out, yeah, like Rusty Parker. 800-meter runner out of Dana Hills. You know? Ugh! There’s something about the flavor of Taco Bell and the flavor of In-N-Out that just does not mesh. To me! To me, to me. Sorry, I’m not trying to be rude. No, this is insane. It’s a hack for sure. Yeah, I’m gonna hack up a freaking burger patty. It’s disgusting! Can I get fire sauce? Thank you. Not all hacks are- Nicole? Josh? …you know, should be done. Where’s yours? I literally disassembled it. Lily, do you want part of this? Oh, she’s back! Oh, she’s in now. I wanna eat it. Oh my… It’s wet and squishy. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. Oh, God. Ew, ew, ew! Wow, what a champ. Ew. What a champ. So wet. It’s so wet. Inexplicably wet and squishy. I think it’s pretty explicable. Probably all the Taco Bell- Ew! Ew! Oh my God, this is my worst nightmare! Nicole, what’s your hack? This is my worst nightmare! Okay. Hello?! Oh my god, am I interrupting? Really? In front of my salad? We ate all the gravy off the top. This is my hack. There’s no more gravy for the potatoes. Yeah, because it’s all on the top. You didn’t mix it together. No, I did mix it. It’s down there. Oh, you fingered it down? No, I mixed it with a spoon- Ugh! … but I can dig it out if you want. Dig. Dig out the gravy. Okay, I’m gonna go- It smells like a Taco Bell dumpster in here and I wanna throw up, but- I can’t find the gravy. My hands are messy. I don’t know why I did this! That’s not enough! Use it! Oh my god. Can I talk about my… Can I do my hack?! Can I?! Can I have some of your ranch? No, not yet! Not yet! Okay. Okay. I’m ready. I’m ready. Okay, so what I like to do is I like to go to McDonald’s and I like to get the six-piece chicken McNugget, but I ask for the 10 piece box. All right? You have to ask for the box. Starbucks ass. What? Go on. So I get it and then what I do, I like to go to the local Wendy’s and I get their ghost pepper ranch. Now this is a phenomenal sauce. I think it is probably one of the best dipping sauces in all of fast food history. I have a question. What’s up? You don’t order anything from the Wendy’s? No. So do you have to go inside and just ask for the ranch? Yeah, I go inside and I’m like, ” can I have like three containers of ranch?” And then they’re like, “yeah.” Okay. Sorry. You can continue. No, it’s fine. I just wanted to understand the process. And then the latent heat… are you paying attention? Josh has a question. What’s up? What? What? My first one isn’t so much a question as a comment that I feel sick. What?! Oh, okay. Mazel Tov. My second one is a question. What? Is this sauce so good that there is not simply a sauce at McDonald’s that you would like to enjoy shaking your McNuggets in? I mean- This is a great idea. Let me tell you, let me tell you. I am totally into like the honey mussy- Yeah. …I’m into the buffalo sauce, I like those. But this sauce is in particular really freaking delicious. But like I was saying, the latent heat will make the mayonnaise base melt a little. Uh-oh! Aw, man! That’s okay, a little bit of snack. You just shake it up like this. The sauce-to-nugget ratio is crazy ’cause you’re going- Yeah, I put a little too much. …three nuggets per sauce there. Yeah. It’s a little bit crazy. Make sure to lay your towel down before you do this! Oh, I almost said a thing and I didn’t, but it’s such a good joke. And then you can get a fork- Oh my god! Holy hell. And then you just kind of do one of these and then it’s kind of like, it almost tastes like bang bang shrimp. Eat one! Eat it! That is horrible. It’s so good! That’s awful, man. You don’t like this?! I think it’s good! I don’t know, dude, there’s something about the chemical… I love hot mayonnaise. It’s so good. There’s something about the chemical composition of this hot mayonnaise that just- That doesn’t do it for you? It like releases like negative pheromones to me. You know what I mean? I hate to tell you, but that’s just what’s going on today with all the foods. All these foods give off negative pheromones. We’re all barren now. I have a- Bite your tongue right now. Bite it! Bite your tongue! Good. Thank you. I have a question Huh? For Nicole. What? What is the plus side to doing this instead of just dipping? A valid question. We get to shake it like a maraca. That’s fun. How else am I supposed to do that? You know what I mean? Normally, it doesn’t spill out like this. No, but like still, like, I feel like the whole fun of… like the great part about a nugget and dipping is that like, you know it’s a finger food, and you’ve turned it into a fork food. No, I used my finger. Let the record reflect I used my fingers. Are you dipping it in mashed potatoes?! Ew! Well that’s my hack. I’m sorry that it didn’t satisfy your needs, but it satisfies mine. No. It was just, it was a question. Yeah. Okay. I think if you took my hack and you put the mayonnaise sauce on it and shook it in a box I think that’d be the best one, right? It’d be like a food that they serve pigs to grow big and strong in like two months. Just pig silage, you let it ferment in the sun for a couple days and it breaks down. Oh my God. The funny thing is that’s like, that’s what Josh actually eats, it’s just more protein slop. Oh my gosh! Is there something to drink? Please let me- Sharing my Spindrift! Just drinking the same thing! Which one won?! Is this a competition? No. No, we’re all losers. On three, put the one over your mouth which one made you the most sickest. Hey, there’s the bell! You know what that means! It’s time to give one lucky fan a piece of advice. Us, the three most put-together people on the face of the planet- There’s spit all over this! … give you some advice. @Nessawicca says- I’m gonna throw up! Look, there’s just spit water with granules! Ew, ew, ew! I’m gonna pee, I’m gonna pee. I’m gonna pee my pants! That’s mine, it’s mine. It’s mine. It’s my spit water. I’m gonna urinate, stop it! Nessa Wicca, congrats on doing that. How do you get someone who hates cooking to enjoy it? I get burnt out from cooking all the time, send help! Ugh, it smells so bad! I don’t know, man. You just kind of keep forging ahead. You just do it. You’re not gonna like everything you do in life, you might not even like most things you do in life, but you do it. Why? Because you were conditioned to; it’s all you know. I would say just like really simplify it. You don’t have to do anything fancy. Just put a bunch of stuff in a pan, just slop it up. Make good tasting slop. Like, that’s the easiest way to cook food. And it’s really good. And you can get a lot of nutrients. Or just do one of these hacks- That’s a good idea. …that’ll make you feel really good. Like we all feel amazing, rejuvenated. We all feel great. Oh, is it my turn, now? Joy. You know, buy some cookbooks that really inspire you, buy, you know, a cookbook of a person that you really like, something where the colors are really nice and bright and happy and just skim through and pick one or two recipes from that and just, you know, teach yourself to cook those recipes at first and then once you get the hang of those and you’re really good at them, excel and go onto the other ones. And eventually you’ll have a like huge criterion collection of all the recipes that you like to make. So good luck! You got this! Lean cuisine. Well, thanks. Thanks for nothing everybody. Your glasses are so dirty! We’re all worse people after exploring our fast food hacks and I hope you- These glasses are horrific. … have been influenced to be just a little bit worse yourself. I was really excited about this Spindrift and you really ruined it. We have more Spindrifts. I’ll drink the rest of this Spindrift. I don’t care about the spit water. We need to all shower separately. Okay. Hey, you! Cook up your own feast while wearing the Mythical Kitchen apron. Available now at mythical.com!