Hey, welcome to Aprons Off, the show where we kind of stop cooking and just hang out with each other, kinda like right now. We are doing that right now. Just to be clear. Yeah. And today we are going to be trying each other’s munchie meals. Now, these are the foods you eat when you’re feeling a little wacky and feeling a little snacky. But what makes you feel a little wacky? Life in general. Everything! Who are we starting with? You. Oh, great. Okay, you guys ready for my munchie meal? Yes, I’m ready. Boo! Cucumbers? It’s green, it’s green. Get the hell outta here. Of course it’s green, it matches my sweater. Don’t knock it. Vi, tell us what’s in this concoction. Basically it is cucumbers that are pretty thick cut that I like to make like little chips. And then I put Tajín, some green onions, some lime juice. And then I like to dip it in Greek yogurt. What are you, a 40-year-old yogi? You’re getting the munchies and you’re making cucumber? Yeah, I used to eat a lot of Cheez-Its and just, like, really crappy snacks. So I was trying to be better now that I’m older, you know, ’cause your body changes, blah blah blah. So now I switched it to cucumbers. You wanna try it? You start to get, you know, chronic inflammation is the thing you start to care about when you get older. For all of you young people out there. It’s water in a chip, but it got a little spice on it. Okay, then dip? Yeah. Oh, you want me to do it first? I’m gonna try plain. I would eat this plate. It’s great. Oh, it’s a delicious plate. Hot damn. Does that qualify as munchie territory though? Absolutely. I would eat like eight bowls of this. Damn, wait, this is so good. Ha! Not that I haven’t had cucumber with Tajín on it before, but like, I don’t think I’ve ever just had straight cucumber with Tajín on it before. I’ll have it in, like, fruit bowls, whatever. I have and this is proper. I really do like it. It’s like a hand salad. Basically, when I was a kid and we used to go see the fruta man in the lovely, beautiful streets of East LA where my grandma lived, I would only order cucumbers. And then, you know, when I got older I started switching it up. But this just makes me reminisce a lot. So I like just this. It’s good. Anytime I go to any Latino street vendor, if that’s Salvadoran pupusas, champurrado, whatever, and they ask me any question, I just say “con todo”. I say “con todo”, just with everything. Just put the chamoy on it, put the tamarindo on it, put everything on it. Gimme all the fruits, gimme the coconut. You know? I’m in. But they don’t have Greek yogurt on the side. That’s true. Like, you always, I know you especially have this in your fridge. All the time. So just make it a dip. All the time. Speaking of yogurt, you guys ready for mine? You have yogurt too? Oh no. Are you guys ready for this? More yogurt! I thought this was all gonna be, like, deep fried pizza. Oh, no, no, no. It’s a munchie meal, it’s supposed to be quick. Yeah, it’s supposed to be quick and it’s supposed to be fast and it’s supposed to be delicious. So this is my munchie meal. As you can see, you can take your own bowl, lift it up, go ahead and look at the undercarriage of that bowl. Like a fine dining restaurant? We like the bottom of things. Can I tell you what this is? This is also yogurt. Not Greek yogurt, this is Mountain High plain yogurt. You’re not eating it right. Don’t eat it yet! Tell me how to eat it. Put it down, put it down. There’s an explanation before you do things. Have you seen the show, have you been on the show before? I wanna eat your chips. Okay. So what you do, you spice the yogurt. I put parsley, garlic, and cayenne in it. And then I take plain Lay’s potato chips, but you can do anything. And do you see a spoon on the side of you? Oh, I do see a spoon. Grab the spoon on the side. And what you’re gonna do, take the chips and break them into the yogurt like this. Oh. Wow. Like cereal. I was gonna say, you’re making cereal. This is basically cereal, and then you do it nice, and you get in there, a little bit ritualistic. And then you just take a spoonful when you find a proper chip-to-yogurt ratio. It just reminds me of, like, a non-healthy acai bowl. This is exactly that. Hell yes. That’s great. I grew up eating chips and mast. Mast is Farsi for yogurt. And this is, like, a thing. Now you guys are trying my thing. You put some khiar in there? I love this. Khiar, that’s right Josh. Some musir? Musir is shallot, very good, Josh. You need some hot sauce. I need some good Frank’s RedHot that you just dip, dip, dip. I like the cayenne because sometimes the hot sauce makes it too soupy, and I like the thickness of the yogurt. I like soup. You gotta spice it to your own preference. This is pretty well spiced. Hear me out, hear me out. Oh my god, I’m gonna make this. What if you just mash it into a paste and you kinda let it set overnight? Then you could fry it and make it into a latke. No, you put it on your bagel. Damn. Vi, you’re the smartest person. How often do you guys eat these things? Like, how often is this happening? I used to eat this a lot more when I was younger, but now it’s more of a special occasion thing. Maybe like once a month. Do you eat it hiding inside the fridge? ‘Cause that’s how I see you eating this. I used to, now I don’t do it. I don’t hide anymore. It’s like when somebody hides behind a shower curtain in a horror movie thinking that they can’t see them, but their legs are sticking out. That’s like Nicole hiding behind the fridge door eating her munchies. I also do that with prosciutto. I hide my face in shame. That’s ’cause you’re hiding it from God. And I’ll tell you, God is seeing through that French door. Nicole, God sees everything. Sorry, God. So did you like my snacks? I don’t see nothing. This is great, dude. Isn’t it delicious? This is so good, I love it. More creamy things. I can’t eat a lot of it though. I don’t wanna show you mine. Why not? It’s weird. Show us, show us. Well, you’re weird. No, it’s a weird snack. Be kind to yourself. Brace yourselves… for Josh’s Special Lumps. Now let me explain to you. You may be wondering, shouldn’t you get those lumps checked out by a licensed dermatologist? No, I don’t believe in going to the doctor. So what we have here… That’s not good. He also doesn’t wash his legs. It’s true. The soap runs down your body and gets on your legs. I don’t need to wash my legs. You are a human mess. Gravity is washing my legs. When’s the last time either of you have smelled my legs? I don’t need to. That’s what I’m saying. And you never will. Not in my job description. It’s not appropriate for the workplace. Josh’s Special Lumps, here’s what I do. I take a bunch of chocolate chips and I microwave them. I take anything in my house, it could be pretzels, it could be breakfast cereal, it could be potato chips, it could be nuts, it could be dried fruits. My favorite combination ever is prunes, walnuts, and Lay’s potato chips. Here we have that minus the prunes because I ate all the prunes because I enjoy them as a nice snack. And then you melt that and you put it out on a piece of parchment paper, you take a single banana slice, and you shove it in just so it sticks, and then you put that in the refrigerator so it sets up. And then you have your own individualized bark with all of your favorite foods. I will say, this only happens at the portion of the night where I’m the most desperate to get something sweet into my body. 3:15 AM. It’s around there, it’s around there. The witching hour. I’m playing Rocket League. I am in some state of intoxication to where I am losing ranks in Rocket League. I can’t even see where the ball’s going, and I’m waiting for these to cool. And these are Josh’s Special Lumps. Okay. This is the only time I’m gonna eat your lump. I hope you know that. It looks like a Pokémon. Do you love my lumps? My lumps, my lovely Josh’s Special Lumps? Do you? Check it out. Yeah. They’re super lumpy. I hate it. Why? ‘Cause it’s too chocolatey. Vi doesn’t like chocolate. Well, you can change the consistency of your lumps. I’m not trying to sell you on my Special Lumps. I’m trying to sell you on the concept of special lumps in general. If it was white chocolate, I would probably eat it. There we go. You could do white chocolate with Doritos in it for all I care. But it makes my eyes do this. It’s very sweet. When the lumps are so good that it makes your eyes cross. That’s when you know you’re doing good. I don’t know how to cross my eyes. Do you know how to cross your eyes? Does that count? Are my eyes crossing? I can’t tell. I don’t know, are my eyes crossed? Vi, look, are my eyes crossed? You’re just looking up. You’re not even trying. You’re eating only the bananas now. You don’t even think your own snack is good. Can you cross your eyes? I just wanted the bananas. Can you cross your eyes? Give me my cucumbers please. We ordered lunch from Gwyneth Paltrow’s restaurant today and it wasn’t enough and now I’m hungry. Can you cross your eyes? No, I can’t cross my eyes. You’re welcome. That was funny. Objectively speaking, if we had to rank them, who do you think wins? And I think we need to take in taste, we need to take in form factor, and we need to take in munchie capabilities. Can we vote for ourselves? Yes. On three, everybody put your hands over your favorite dish. One, two, three. Mine. Damn! Okay, now you can’t vote for yourself. Wait, to be fair, this with Nicole’s chips? Kinda slaps. But then try it on the Lumps. Ew, no, no. It’s like haunted tzatziki. Don’t do it. Do it! No, I’ve already eaten a lot of this. This is a delight, man. So who’s the winner? Who do y’all like? Honestly Nicole, I really like yours. I like yours, Vi. If it’s not mine, it’s Vi’s. So you go, you pick. Tiebreaker. Oh, Nicole’s easily. Vi, yours is just like vegetables with spice on it. It’s weird. Hardly a snack. No, no, Nicole, yours definitely wins. It’s complex, it’s got textural contrast in it. You know, you got the fried, the carbs. Reminds me of a fattoush. It’s fun eating things like cereal that aren’t really cereal. You say that, but you literally just ate one of mine. I had both of ’em together and I like that. If you were to put one chip in a bowl covered in milk and you think it had a chance to be successful, what chip would it be? Easy. What? I need to think about it. Baked kettle Lay’s chip. What? Baked kettle’s. Kettle’s, I can’t talk. A kettle ba- Sweet Maui onion. A Lay’s baked chip, Original. Lay’s Original baked chip? Nobody likes Lay’s Original baked chips. Why’d it take me so long to get that out? They’re made in a weird factory for sure. They only did that so they could get it into schools so Michelle Obama would think it’s okay. Is that why we had them? What? Is that why we had them in our vending machines? Yeah, the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act. I actually think it is a really great piece of legislation, it’s just really tough that we can’t actually get school lunches funded in America. I think Michelle Obama really did a great job trying to get that. Thanks Obama. We love you. But then the actual implementation of it was real rough. Her favorite vegetable is a sweet potato. Have you seen that video? No. She goes “sweet potato.” Was that when she was on Sesame Street? Is that a restaurant? Huh? Is Sesame Street a restaurant? Yeah. It should be. Hey, that’s the bell. What does that mean? Trevor has to dance. Where’s Trevor? He’s gonna do his funny dance. Trevor, come on, come out here and do your funny dance. If somebody doesn’t dance right now… This is how scary Josh is. If we don’t listen to what he says, we’re in trouble. That’s my munchie dance. Okay, now it’s time to answer some advice from one of our lovely commenters on our YouTube channel. You know that you can write advice and we will answer it. Write it. Please do it. And we’ll give you advice. Okay, pokemondude05 says, “My question is why does my chicken come out dry and/or rubbery every single time I cook it no matter on what methods I use? What am I doing wrong?” 30 seconds on the clock. Eat something else. Chicken sucks, it’s so dry. What the hell? No! I think chicken’s dry all the time, to be honest. Give her her time. I don’t even crave chicken wings, that’s also dry to me. I don’t eat either. Or just burn it. I have my answer. Okay, what you’re gonna do is next time you have a tough, crappy piece of chicken, you’re going to put it in water or broth and then you’re gonna put it in the oven at like 200, and then you’re gonna let it hang out in there for like 30 minutes and then you’re gonna shred it and then it’s not gonna be dry anymore. The only thing that matters in terms of chicken is the internal temperature, right? Like, that’s the only thing creating dryness. If it’s rubbery every single time no matter how you cook it, no matter what method you cook it, it’s because the cooking method of chicken doesn’t matter for juiciness. All that matters is the internal temperature. Get it exactly up to 150 degrees. Pull it, let it come up to 155. You’re never gonna have dry chicken again. I cannot stress this enough. The only thing that matters in meat cookery 99% is internal temperature. Don’t eat it. Get as adventurous as you want in your kitchen with a Mythical Kitchen merch collection. 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