You know it’s a bad sign on a cooking show when somebody tastes something and then just runs away looking for anything to add to it to make it better. Give me a second. Hey, do we need these graham crackers? Just as Victorian England became a hotbed for mustachioed serial killers, the internet has become a hotbed for a different kind of crime. Cryptocurrency based wire fraud. Sorry, I meant a food crime. That’s right, the internet has played host to an abominable set of creations and today we’ll be focusing on one of the downright dirtiest. Beanut butter cup. Yeah, it’s a beanut butter cup. It’s a beanut butter cup, except beans. That’s why it’s called the beanut butter cup. Beans. We’ve got beans in it. You get it, you guys get the pun? It’s like a little pun. Yeah. That’s right, this food crime was, I don’t think, invented by The Vulgar Chef on TikTok, but Kyle, shout out to the many atrocities that you have committed to the world of food over the years. Nobody knows who actually invented this, but his video blew up on TikTok. And I actually find this a little bit delightful, but the rest of the world seemed to think it was absolutely horrifying. Do I have to eat it? No, you get to eat it. Okay. Dig in. Like, cut in half. These are baked, baked beans. Uh huh. Bush’s finest. It’s a little unnerving. It’s mostly like the onion and the barbecue spice that gets you with the chocolate. Oh, what is that? It’s actually, this is so much worse than I thought it would be. Oh, that’s bad. I’m trying to have a straight face here, but it’s deeply unpleasant. I’m gonna have another bite. It’s like you know when you make a plate and all the foods kind of just fall into one, like you’re a little too drunk on Thanksgiving and then you’re just eating sweet potatoes with cranberry sauce, with gravy, and some pie filling there? Oh my God. Nicole, every digit, Nicole, every , Nicole , Nicole every dish, there’s so much onion, every dish deserves a second shot at life. You and I are the culinarians who can try and resurrect this from the dead, from the bowels of the internet we will pull it out like a 20-foot tapeworm. Should have gone to school. What am I doing here? Any school. I should have gone to medical school. I look good with gloves on. Okay, so the first thing we’re gonna do is think about what we’ve done. Now, the beanut butter cup is absolutely atrocious, disgusting, one of the worst things I’ve ever tried here. And I’ve had like bull penis before. But I think that the great unifier between the beans and the chocolate is pork. But aside from that, I’m going to start by making a rub. Now, this is going to be a brown sugar cocoa rub for our wonderful pork ribs. I’m not gonna add too much that. So it’s brown sugar, salt, some cocoa powder. This is chili powder, mustard, and some black pepper. I also got some bacon rendering in here. More pork, more flavor, more yum. The strategy of assaulting people with pork is a valid culinary move, though, I will give her that. I’ve also learned, side note, that the secret to winning these food competitions, gotta do bold, arresting flavors. Aside from bold and arresting flavors, slow-cooked meat. I feel like to learn the secret of winning, first you have to win. It smells like Charlie’s chocolate factory. Oh no, it’s not even Charlie’s chocolate factory, it’s a Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory, right? Charlie ends up inheriting it. Is that how the movie goes? I don’t know. At one point it does become Charlie’s chocolate factory. However, the Oompa Loompas unionize and then it becomes a collectivist chocolate factory co-owned by the employees. So we’re gonna let that hang out in here. Step one done, now onto our baked beans. I can’t not have baked beans. Okay, so our bacon is rendering nicely. We’re gonna cook some onions. We’re gonna infuse that beautiful bacony flavor with some onion, add a hefty pinch of salt and let that cook down. I actually didn’t know how to make baked beans for the longest time. The first time I learned how to make baked beans was here in The Mythical Kitchen. I literally thought they just are a canned food and they just are what they are. But they’re not. You have to make them from scratch. I like to show parts of my culture to Nicole. I also made her her first sloppy Joe. I introduced her to deviled ham, which is blended ham and mayonnaise. A lot of rich culinary traditions. Some more brown sugar, molasses. Yum! Finally our beans enter the conversation. So we’re gonna mix that all up. Once we pick up all of that beautiful rendered quirkiness from the bottom of this pot… It’s ready. I’m going to put the lid on and then shove this into the oven. Hold on, let me do this really quick. I gotta move some stuff around. Oh man, I’m already flustered. That beanut butter cup really threw me for a loop. She’s flustered, she’s out on her feet, she’s confused. She doesn’t know where she is. She’s gonna go down. It has recently come to my attention that, number one, I’ve never won a food crime. Did anybody else track that? I’ve never won one of these, never. I deserve to win, but I’ve never actually won. And then number two, I forgot to put chocolate in my beans. Duh, very important. So aside from being a perpetual loser, I also forgot to put chocolate in here. Um hm, yeah, o’fer. Champion, always. Our beans look really good, as you can see. They’re wonderful, they’re silky, they’re stunning. Look at that. They taste really good. I tasted them off camera But they are missing one thing, and that is a flavor of chocolate. ‘Cause you know, beanut butter cup, chocolate, very, very important. So I’m just gonna add some cubes of this and then just let the latent heat, oh, there’s a piece of metal, oh no. Okay, and then just let the latent heat melt down the chocolate and add some viscosity to it. Okay, cool, we’re gonna let that happen. And then speaking of viscosity, it’s time to make a sauce. We’re gonna make a really quick barbecue sauce. And the good news is that there’s no real particulates in it, so it’ll just turn into a silky smooth experience that everyone is going to enjoy. So first things first, add some tomato paste. Throw that in there, let that cook a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do your thing, 21, do your thing. 21, I can’t sing on this show. And then I’ve got some mashed up beans. Now, this is gonna add a lot of body to our sauce. It’s gonna make it nice and luxurious. Give it a really nice mouth here. You’re gonna be like, “Oh, what is that?” And I’m gonna be like, “It’s beans!” That’s Nicole’s catchphrase. She just goes around the office yelling, “It’s beans!” Time to add the yummy stuff. We got brown sugar, we got cayenne, we got smoked paprika, we got Worcestershire sauce. We got cocoa powder. We got a little bit of, what is this? Liquid Smoke, hickory style. Ooh, that’s too much. And then some good old fashioned black pepper. And then this is , this is dark soy sauce. This isn’t the average soy sauce that you get. This one has, it’s much darker in flavor, but also is a little bit sweeter than regular soy. Very nice. And then, of course, ketchup. The most important ingredient in barbecue sauce, ketchup. They don’t tell you that, they don’t say it’s like 80% ketchup. Most of the barbecue sauce you’re eating, it’s ketchup. Sorry, boo. When Nicole added vinegar, sugar, and tomato paste, ketchup is vinegar, sugar and tomato paste. You’re redundant. Yeah, do you guys think I’m gonna win this one? Show of hands. No! One hand. One hand from Dylan. Boo! I love the confidence in the room, super good. But you know what, it’s good for the plot. You don’t always have to win at stuff, you just have to try. As long as you’re trying your best every single time you come in here and you still lose, it’s okay. It’s not like you’re a bad person. You can be a good person and still lose every single food competition against your boss. It’s fine. There’s no deep seated hatred or animosity or anything like that. I know, we’re really such good friends, it’s great. Power dynamics all screwed up! She is like a wounded gazelle left behind by the pack and I’m a hungry leopard climbing up a tree being all ferocious. All right, our sauce is looking really nice and unctuous. Let’s give it a little taste. That’s pretty good. I’m going to add a little bit of water just to kind of break it up. It’s a little bit tacky, so a little bit of water’s gonna help break it up. I’ll be right back, hold on. Nicole has left the chat. There’s a fly in here. The goi fly is back to bless us. Now onto this. This is my pork, isn’t it beautiful? Also, guess what? Brown. So we’re gonna pick this up. Let’s see, pick this up. Let’s think about how we’re gonna plate this. Now, I’m just gonna cut, look at that, look how tendy it is. That’s so good. No offense, I’m really good at cooking. Part of me is worried that Nicole having no confidence in herself is actually making her a better cook. We’re not gonna bake the sauce on here because it’s so powerful and flavorful that it doesn’t need to be baked in. Now let’s plate it up. I’m just gonna take these beans. I’m gonna make a pool of beans and the pork is gonna swim in the pool of beans. Okay, very nice, very good, that’s very good. I will not have green on this plate. I am not going to rest on the laurels of green. We are gonna be brown. Let’s put a little bit of pork. Oh my God, oh my God, look at that. That is the ugliest plate of food I’ve ever made in the Mythical Kitchen and it’s gonna make me a winner! There is your chocolate pork bean fantasy. Bee words, eat it! All right, I need you all to tell me if this is too much or if this is super cool. Y’all can do that for me? All right, cool, check this out, check this out. You tell me a bee nutted in this butter cup? We like that? Yeah, I liked it. Anyways, the Reese’s beanut butter cup. I actually thought it was gonna be really good. It turns out it tastes absolutely horrifying, but I think there’s some very specific reasons that we can avoid in a recipe that makes it work. I’m trying to really game theory this. Do I know what game theory is? Abso-tute-ly not, but I’m gonna make a donut. Donuts are probably my favorite American pastry. And I also love bean-based desserts. So I’m gonna start making a donut dough and I’m gonna infuse it with some of the flavors and spices that we would find in baked beans. I’m taking smoked paprika. I think smokey and sweet can really work. Smoked paprika, a little bit of black pepper, I love that with sweet stuff, and allspice. And then I’m gonna add some sugar to my flour right here. Gotta reach around in the pot, hold on. There we go. there we go. We’re gonna stir this together, then we’re gonna dd our yeast to bloom. We’ve made homemade donuts in the kitchen before and it always kind of turns out bad. And now that Nicole has ditched her ego and she’s all like, “I’m gonna lose, I’m Nicole, little ole’ me, I’m not gonna win,” that makes me really scared. Apparently I’m from Oklahoma now. And now I feel like I’m gonna lose and so I’m scared. That means I’m gonna mess up an otherwise awesome recipe and I don’t think my donuts are gonna work. She just made barbecue and just put chocolate in it. That’s not fair. Okay, so we’re adding our flour to this. We’re gonna take some yeast that has been blooming in milk. It’s been Leopold Bloom-ing, anyone watch that? “The Producers,” it’s called “The Producers”? Fun movie, man, Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, man. Oh God, turn it on high. Let that run. I feel like there’s other stuff I was gonna do. Oh, okay, hear me out, let me game plan this, let me diagram it out, put out the old schematic. We’re making a donut dough that’s kind of spiced. I’m gonna take pinto beans, I’m gonna whip that up into a sweetened mousse. Pinto beans? Boom, pipe that into the donut, dip it in a chocolate ganache to get the beans and the chocolate in there. And then I wanna get some of that pork from the beans. So I’m gonna top it with some candied bacon. Maple bacon was a big trend back in that like super epic bacon era, you know? And so I’m going right back there, ’cause really I peaked in 2012 and I’d like to go back. I’m gonna drop a little bit of brown sugar into this bacon, trying to avoid touching it with my bare, how do people cook without touching stuff with their hands? It sucks, it sucks. God gave you the hands for a reason. Forks are an abomination. Okay, cool, that’s working, oh shoot, eggs. My hands have raw pork on ’em, but it’s fine. I’m gonna dump those in there. That’s gonna work itself out. I’m gonna hit up the old wash Josh graphic. Wash Josh. Notice it’s like nice and springy and tacky. You want it to get glossy because you want some of them glutens to develop. All right, here we go. I’m gonna grease up a bowl a little bit. We’re gonna run this through. He still takes the bowl of the mixer out in the most asinine, stupid way. We’ll roll it out with a little bit more flour and then punch it for the second proof. But for now, what’s Annaliese, oh, is Annaliese laughing at Nicole? Oh no, Nicole just said a banger. Are you telling me a beanut buttered in this cup? It’s run its course, Josh, just give it up. And hey, you’re watching a video on YouTube right now. Speaking of videos on YouTube, our podcast, “A Hot Dog is A Sandwich” is officially back on video on YouTube. Our last episode came out on Sunday with friend of the show Courtney Miller from Smosh. We’re talking about pho versus ramen, pitting two noodle kings against each other, but ultimately coming to the conclusion that it’s too shocking for me to tell you right now so you gotta go watch the video for yourself. But it’s really fun to watch, go check it out. There’s so much stuff here, it’s too much going on. We’ll figure it out. We got our dough right here that’s risen. This is an orange as dough. This is that Halloween peep’s colored dough. That’s all that smoked paprika in there. And I’m gonna go ahead, I’m gonna roll it out a little bit, punch it, get a second proof going. Then we’re gonna whip our beans. Don’t whip your beans too much or you’ll get a hairy palm. Ah, geez, what are we doing? All right, all right, dough is nice and airy, that’s good. It’s feeling a little bit warm, I like that. Just get a little bit of flour on there just to make the rolling out process easier. We wanna get it to about an inch and a half, two inches of thickness. Don’t go too hard, be gentle. Gentle, unlike Lenny from “Of Mice and Men” just out there killing rabbits. I think it’s a good thickness. It’s a little thick, but I want this donut to be thick because that way I can fit more beans inside of it. Josh likes making weird donuts. One time he made a liver blackberry donut for the TikTok. Nobody watched it, nobody liked it. I think this is another variation of that. Let this give a nice second proof. We’ve got the first proof going. Gonna wrap it. Hey, who wants to make a dollar? Me. KG wants to make a dollar? Yeah. KG, can you wrap this in plastic but gently so it’s not pressing against the actual donut dough? Thank you so much. I’ve promised so many people at this company dollars and one day I’m just gonna get a massive invoice for all of the tasks that people have done for me. You owe me like $500. So my plan is to take kinda like a Boston cream donut filled with either whipped cream or custard, and instead I’m gonna thicken it with pinto beans. Why pinto beans? They don’t even have anything to do with baked beans. I just have always wanted to see if this would work. And now we’re doing it. So I’m taking pinto beans, malted milk powder, which to me this is the MSG of the dessert world. It’s just really delicious. Adds like a nice kind of savoriness to it, which I guess we’re already getting with the beans. I don’t know, I’m in my riffing era. You know like when a musical artist gets really popular and then they’re like, “Here’s the thing that made me very popular”? Thank you so much, KG, I appreciate you. A dollar. I don’t have any. I don’t have my wallet, are you on PayPal? It’s funny how Josh has to incentivize people with money and then never actually gives them the money. I wonder why he does that. Childhood trauma We got beans, we got malted milk powder. I’m gonna put some heavy whipping cream in there. This should really lighten it, make it like a mousse. And then I’m just gonna go dumpy dump. I’m gonna go dumpy dump without measuring. Again, we’re just riffing. It’s just me up here with a guitar. It’s me and my trusty ax out there. God speed, beans. The most exciting thing about cooking is when you really have no idea what’s about to happen. And I can’t stress enough I have no idea what’s about to happen here. This is a lot looser than I thought it would be. Yeah. You know it’s a bad sign on a cooking show when somebody tastes something and then just runs away looking for anything to add to it to make it better. Give me a second. Hey, do we need these graham crackers? As was the plan all along, I shall be adding a few graham crackers to try and thicken this up. ‘Cause right now it’s just kind of like a loose, wet bean soup, and I didn’t expect that to happen. And now I’m thinking that my hubris has finally led to my demise, whereas Nicole’s just unabashed, self-effacing nature is really gonna help her. Yeah, I need some graham crackers for comfort. That should help. You’re a boob. That’s awful. The good news is I have no backup plan so we’re serving it and we’re gonna hope for the best. If you look at the scoreboard, it may appear that I am losing right now, but when Tom Brady was down 28 to three to the Matt Ryan-led Falcons in the Super Bowl, did he give up? No, he kissed his son on the lips and then he didn’t eat tomatoes and then he slept in a hyperbaric chamber like a vampire. And he went out there and he won that Superbowl, gosh dangit. And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. We got our little flacid beanbag over there. We got our donuts, these are heavy. I mean, these are like, these are gonna sink. These are gonna sink. We’re gonna put these in the fryer. That’s right to the bottom. If that was a witch, it’d be dead. No, Josh, if it was a witch, it would’ve floated and then it would’ve been killed. Stupid. I’m gonna put a bunch of chocolate chips in the bowl. We’re gonna make a little chocolate ganache. I like to add just a little bit of coconut oil just to get it going. It kind of makes chocolate more reactive. All right, chocolate melting, donuts frying. Stir this around. Well, I’m not making a chocolate ganache. I said ganache earlier, that’s simply not true at all. We’re melting chocolate with a little bit of coconut oil to try and make a chocolate glaze. I feel like I wanted to make a ganache. What do I want? What do I want outta life? Why are we all here? Someone get this guy a muzzle. Just make your frickin’ donuts. Okay, so our donuts are ready to be flipped. I’m ashamed, I don’t wanna look at them. Don’t, don’t look at me. Donuts are ready to be flipped. That looks pretty cooked. Maybe I need to rebrand it not as a donut but as something different. What’s another thing that’s similar to a donut? Ooh, what’s another pastry? The cronut is a hybrid of a croissant and a donut. And then they made the cruffin and all that. We can brand this as a hybrid of a brick and a donut and call it a bronut. I’m gonna try and do a little exploratory probe mission. Create a pocket here a little bit. Create a little pocket. It’s cooked, it’s a little dense, but you know, I’m a little dense sometimes too. Gonna wrassle my bean paste out. See how this tastes. It’s thick. Bean paste is pretty good. I’m not gonna lose based on the bean paste. I’m just gonna pipe a lot of that bean paste in there. I have faith in you, Josh. I mean, you really- Lot of bean paste. You really sprung up from from the flames like a phoenix or a burnt rabbit. We’re gonna go in the chocolate. There we go, nice big layer. Pop that down here. All the bean paste leaking out. Okay, that’s fine. Gonna hit it a little bit of flaky salt. Try and get that savory action. There we go. Gonna hit a little aleppo pepper to try and get the spice of the beans. Come on, I need a miracle. I need a hero to save me right now. And then we’re just gonna place on some candied bacon. Stay, just stay, just stay. Just don’t do me dirty this once. And then put it on a plate. Here we have it. We got your spiced donut filled with pinto bean mousse topped with chocolate, aleppo pepper, and candied bacon. First time Josh is gonna lose. Let’s get to it. Hello, I’m Jordan from “Sporked,” and today I’m trying a beanut butter cup and two beanut butter cup-inspired dishes. I’ve seen this online. My understanding is that it’s baked beans inside a shell of chocolate like a beanut butter cup, but it’s beans. I’m gonna try the original so I can gauge. It’s not bad, I feel like it could be better. That’s what I’ll say. But I’m not judging the beanut butter cup here. Okay, let’s try these two dishes. It looks like we have a sweet and a savory. I’ll start with the savory. This looks like ribs with baked beans. It does feel like a little bit of a cheat to do baked beans in a beanut butter dish. But I made my own. You just made both chocolate flavor. Josh, leave me alone, Josh, leave me alone. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m gonna fight. I’ll give you your space. I’m gonna fight. Mmm, but they taste good. They’re a little too chocolatey for me personally, but they are nice, the texture’s good. Let’s try these ribs. Okay here. I love eating ribs on camera. Okay, meat, good, sauce, let’s get a little more of the sauce. I can’t tell if there’s chocolate in the sauce or not. There’s so much chocolate in the sauce. There’s so much happening in my mouth. Okay, on to the donut. This looks like a bacon covered donut with refried beans in the center. All right, bon appetit. Tastes really good. Let’s go, let’s go! You won, Josh. Let’s go! What do the beans taste like on their own? Hold on. Wow, it tastes really good. It’s nutso, the donut is great. It’s a cake donut filled with what looks like refried beans, but tastes kind of like frosting that if they gave it to you on your own, you’d be like, “The texture of this frosting is off.” But once they tell you it’s beans, you’re like, “Oh wait, that’s really impressive.” The top is chocolate. There’s some kind of salt and a little red pepper flake on top. The bacon is nice and smoky. Wow, shock of my time working here. No, no, I can’t have done it again. I think the winner of the beanut butter cup challenge is this donut. Get the heck outta here. It’s a shock, I never would’ve guessed. It’s so good. This was also good, but I got the chocolate a little too prominently in a way that didn’t fully make sense for me, but it still tasted good. It just felt like they were forced to use chocolate in a recipe where it didn’t fit. This is sick, twisted. I’m sure Josh made it. Totally, gotta run. Josh, I can’t! We gotta run. I’m stuck! This is incredible. This is a delicious donut for perverts, and I knew you made it. It’s so good. I am a donut pervert at heart, 100%. And I had no faith in this turning out. If we’re being honest, we destroyed the first dough that we made and had to remake it and really rushed it. And I had no faith and I was stressing, I was sweating. Tally, how much did I sweat through the microphone tape. So much. I sweat through a lot. This means so much to me. And Nicole has yet to win one of these food battles. Nicole, I’m so sorry. I don’t wanna be touched right now. Okay. Oh, sorry. No, okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I just wanna get low. Oh, why? But you can go higher. Why are you trying to get low? I don’t know, I wanna see it from this angle. Oh. That’s really nice. It’s really good. Really good. The best thing about it is the cake donut, I’m shocked. It wasn’t supposed to be a cake donut, and eventually it was microwaved to finish cooking the dough. It worked. But we tried our hardest. It worked. Nicole, valiant effort. Next time, you’re still never gonna get me because I am an untouchable food god and my ego is up here. I went from down here all the way up here. Make sure you check out Jordan over at sporked.com. Truly, Jordan writes awesome stuff. A lot of hot dog chili content, which I’m a big fan of. Thanks, Josh. Of course. And then also make sure you check out “A Hot Dog is A Sandwich” now on video. Oh yeah. Check out the episode with Courtney Miller. Nicole, we enjoy each other? We do that. We have good team chemistry? Not interested in responding to that. All right, that’s the energy I love. We’ll see y’all next time. “A Hot Dog is A Sandwich” is back on the Mythical Kitchen channel. We even brought it back to recording inside The Mythical Kitchen. The audio will still be releasing on Wednesdays as usual, but the video will now be dropping on the Mythical Kitchen channel on Sundays. So make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss an episode.