I like eating out of carcasses. Lily loves eating out of carcasses. And we love that about you. In the world of Food Thunderdome, two chef enter, one chef leave, and the deadliest chef with the battle axe in all the kitchen is one Lily Cousins. Which is why I, who has been free falling and I think lost like three or four straight, and I don’t really know what direction I’m going, and I kind of feel like I have nothing to lose, and I kind of feel like I’m going a little bit crazy. I’m teaming up with her today to take down Vi and Nicole in battle of mac and cheese. Now Nicole, you are very confident in your mac and cheese game. I believe you had a tweet. I did, yeah. My mac and cheese is probably the best mac and cheese of all time. And I will say that with full confidence. It’ll beat yours, whatever you want to make. I second that. I’ve eaten your mac and cheese. It is very good mac and cheese. But Lily and I today, we’re gonna be pulling out the stops. Right Lily? Tell them. Yeah, we’re gonna pull them out. If you thought the stop were gonna be pushed in, no, no no no no no no no. They will be pulled out, Nicole, because we’re a little deranged. I agree. We’re really sick in the head. Totally. We think Tina Turner’s character in Mad Max 2: Beyond Thunderdome was the best in all of Mad Max and that includes the new one with Charlize Theron. All right. What we’re saying is. Let’s get cooking. Lily, what’s the best food in the world? A dungeness crab. That’s right. Phuket-style crab curry from Thailand. What’s the second best food in the world? Macaroni and cheese. That is correct. What’s the third best food in the world? I don’t know. Crab fat fried rice. We’re so in sync. We finish each other’s… Semantics. Side ticks. Dang it. As I said, I’m in a bit of a creative free fall and so I need something to sort of like, you know, jar me out of that. And what better way than to rip open a crab’s carapace and mix its hepatopancreas, also known as tomalley or crab fat, with a phuket style curry paste, and then mix that with mac and cheese, stuff that back inside the dismembered body of a once living sentient creature. I like eating out of carcasses. Lily loves eating out of carcasses. And we love that about you. Sorry last time you were here I called you a sociopath. I don’t think I believe that. Wait, when did you call… Lily’s a sociopath! Yeah. I never called you a sociopath. I think you’re great. I think you are capable of empathy. As you rip apart a once living creature. Look at that go. This is a lot of fun I’m having right now. That’s right, so this is a dungeness crab. So these come from up and down the coast. You guys care about the provenance of dungeness crabs, right? Yeah, they do. A lot of these come in from Northern California and the Oregon coast, although climate change is threatening their habitat and you can donate today. I got crab fat! Look at that. That’s fudging gross. I’m gonna pour it. That is horrifying. Oh yeah, so that’s going inside the mac and cheese. No, it’s gonna be good. But if you’re worried that the crab fat – let me smell it. It’s crabby. That’s so crabby. But here, smell this. That’s shrimpy. Shrimp paste. We’re gonna put a bunch of shrimp paste into our curry. We got a bunch of ginger, garlic, Fresno chilies, and then I’m gonna dump in a whole onion here. And some tomato. Tomato obviously would not be traditional in this, but I just, I think tomato goes well. It’s gonna like bridge the gap. The mac and cheese. You know how you eat tomatoes in your mac and cheese? None of this makes any sense. I think it could be good. Like yeah, it’s a crazy idea, but like, you know, we’re crazy. So the spices are toasted. You can smell that, right? It smell nice? It smells really good. We’re gonna dump in this paste right here. The oil is really essential in blooming all those spices. And then we’re adding the wet to the oil. You typically don’t want to add wet to oil, but we’re doing it. We can do that ’cause we’re professionals. I’m gonna smash this claw. I think that’s smart. Yeah, bash it! I just hope our judge doesn’t eat shell, but you know, that’s just a chance that we’re gonna take. Yeah. Well our judge is also Lucas “Mad Dog” Strader. Nooo. I know, I know. Last time we tried to serve him seafood he refused to eat it and we had to sort of like coax it down at him. Also, this is burning the hell out of my eyes. It smells real good though. This smells really good. We’re artists towards the end of their career when they get objectively worse. They take bigger risks. You know what I mean? Bob Dylan. Are you the artist in this situation? Yeah, dude! Okay. This is going awesome so far. So we’re gonna take the body, right? Yeah yeah yeah yeah. And you can see this. This is gonna be our bowl. And we’re gonna mix all the gunk with all the goop. And we’re gonna mix it with the noods. And we’re gonna shove it inside the body. And then I think Lucas is really gonna enjoy it. I think he’s gonna hate it. I think we’re doing great. I think this is a great idea. And we’re really smart and everyone likes us and thinks we’re cool. You’re like probably better at cooking than me. Maybe a little bit. Yeah. Like I think my execution might be better. Yeah, I think you’re the bigger technical- But I think you know more about food. Yeah, but like I can’t do anything with that knowledge. It just like lives up there. You’re pretty good though. Thanks. You’re really good. I think you’re a great cook. Thank you, yeah. Do you want to make the sauce? Sure. All right, good. Oh okay, we’re switching. Oh thank God, yeah. No, I just, well you know, I don’t know. I feel like I’ve been losing a lot lately. Yeah yeah yeah. That’s a lot of pressure. It’s like a French mother sauce. I’ll do something equally important. I’ll cut this chili in half. Oh cool. Good job. I tried my – ’cause now we can put it on top. Yeah, that’s the garnish. I didn’t get it all the way through. I am making a roux with just some flour and butter. And we’re gonna make a nice little cheese sauce. We want to make like a, this is a – check this out, in French it’s. Mornay. Ooh-ooh-ooh, fancy. This mac and cheese is incredibly hard. If you do not have a crab carapace at your disposal, And if you do not know where to go grab a crab carapace to remove its heptagon or whatever I said earlier, the crab that is, you can just go to sporked.com and check out their rankings for best instant mac and cheese. Their number two finisher was Cracker Barrel which is a mac and cheese that I love. But you will be shocked at their number one! You will not believe it! You will go oh my God, Josh! You said I would be shocked, but I was not prepared for the amount of emotions that I felt when I saw Sporked’s number one ranking of best instant mac and cheese! It is too hot for the internet! So go to sporked.com and check out their rankings. That was a great promo. If that didn’t convince them, I don’t know what will. Yeah, I don’t know either. Honestly, it’s a very useful website. I read a great article about Wendy’s chili. Oh nice. I actually use it all the time. They have good recommendations. I thought you meant you use Wendy’s chili all the time. Oh no, I don’t. They teach you that in culinary school? I would have some issue. We’re using one coconut milk which we’ve never used in cheese sauce, so that’s fun. But then also we got very mild cheeses going in here. We’re using some Monterey Jack, a little Gruyere for the nuttiness. And I think it’s really gonna set off the curry. Do you want me to add some of the crab fat in there? Yeah, add a little crab fat. It’s pretty strong, so I’d go a little easy on it. Dump it all? Dump it all? No! Hold on, let me grab a spoon, let me grab a spoon, let me grab a spoon. I’ll spoon it. Like how much? That’s good! Are you serious? No, try it! Wait, did you try it? Yeah, that’s great. Okay, I know- Wait, whoa! It’s really strong. It’s powerful. Dude, no, that sent me to the ether realm. No! Keep it going! Okay, this is getting real funky. This is why I don’t think, I feel like – Lily, what’s the point if we’re not gonna take culinary risks? What are we even doing here? Anybody can go on YouTube and just make a mac and cheese. But no, it takes a real sicko to come on and make a crab fat curry mac and cheese. I don’t want to lose because of you. What? I don’t want to lose because of you! Lily, no no no, I think you’re gonna enjoy the rush of losing even better than winning. Oh. ‘Cause then everybody, like they give you like sympathy. You know? Cry myself to sleep. There’s a fly on your carapace! What? Yeah, flies love dead crabs! It’d be weird if there wasn’t a fly on the carapace. Leave our carapace alone. God. What’s wrong? Lily, our sauce is saucing! Okay, now we’re in triage mode. We’re good. The sauce is great. We need to make our mac and cheese and we need to shove it inside the carapace. Where’s the goy fly? It needs to bless us. What’s that? The goy fly, it’s the non-Jewish fly that helps you turn on appliances during Shabbat. Oh, I think it’s left, or it’s living inside the carapace. Can you grab me a large mixing bowl? Yeah. The sauce is looking saucy. Which I love. Here. I’m gonna move all this stuff. Move all the stuff. We’re building. Hands! I need hands! Do you know that chefs drink out of deli cups? No, I didn’t. I had no idea. Do you know that The Bear takes place in a city called Chicago? Nope. Well it does. Here, add as much crab meat as you think we should have in there. I think it’s – I mean it’s crab mac and cheese. It’s crab mac and cheese. We’re gonna want a lot of crab in there and we got a lot… I think we should save some for topping. Just a little bit. Josh! Lily, I swear to God, why do you not trust me? When have I ever done anything to steer us wrong? I don’t. I’m curious like what my- The crab fat fairy is here! The crab fat fairy is here! Stop! The crab fat fairy is here! This is good! All right. Great. All right, give that a stir. See where we’re at. Yeah yeah. The shrimp oil fairy is here! Lily, it’s supposed to taste like fish. Do we think we need any other seasonings in it? No, this is great. No, do not add any more fish of anything. We’re good – stop! Stop! Go away. Go away. I’m taking these into my car. Wait, I have like a fun behind the scenes thing that I can share with the audience. What’s that, Lily? I picked up these crabs alive and fresh. And all the crab juices spilled all over my car. This is the only mac and cheese I’ve ever eaten that makes my scalp itch. What type of like look are we going for? Like do we want it overflowing or just like neatly? I think pretty neat. ‘Cause we’re pretty neat and tidy chefs. Yeah yeah yeah, okay. Tasting the raw noodles before it’s been baked, this is legitimately one of the most flavorful things I’ve ever had in my life. And I will say that flavor and cooking in general is a quantity game. You want the most flavor in all of your foods all of the time. And that’s what I believe in. And we certainly have the most. Little Caesars has the extra most bestest. We have the crabbiest McCrabbiest mac and cheese. Oh yeah we do. You know why? ‘Cause we have crabs. Yes we do. No, I do not have crabs. We both have crabs. How about you? Maybe you think about that. I do not have crabs. All right, we’re gonna bake this now. I’m sweating, I don’t feel good. I’m gonna have fever dreams in a second. we’re gonna pop this in the oven about 500 degrees. Kind of see what happens. Say goodnight mother- This is nice and broiled. Do we put it on a plate or do we just serve the crab carapace and we tell them to hold the crab carapace as they suck out the mac? No, Lucas is gonna hate that. He’s gonna love it. He’s the weirdest guy I’ve ever met. You should see him in a mosh pit too. Frightening. Just kind give it some nice splash of chili oil. A little bit of color. Josh, I have a plate. What? I have a plate. Why? Where’d you get that from? Put it away. This is a handheld food. It’s like a Hot Pocket. No it’s not! You’re supposed to eat it with your hands. It’s not a Hot Pocket. I believe it is. All right, put the thai chili on there. Crown it. Dah-dah-dah! What the hell have we done? I like it. Oh man, like Oppenheimer we are just completely horrified by our own creation. But hey, that’s why he escaped Barbie Land. Here we have our phuket curry crab fat fried mac and cheese stuffed in the crab carapace with a little bit of chili oil. Oh God. Lucas, come through, buddy. Come on. I need a win. We need this. Hey! Hey! It’s mac and cheese time? It is. That’s why we’re wearing yellow today. Yeah, that’s right. We are color coordinated which I love. Good job, good job. I also have my hair in pigtails which means it’s business time! That’s right! Yeah, I, no offense, made one of the best mac and cheeses ever to be ever created in the history of ever. Honestly, it’s pretty good. Do you guys agree? Yes. I think everyone in this room has tried the mac and cheese. How do you feel about it? It’s top tier, Nicole. Top tier, right? How about video village? Video village? How do you feel about it? I got like four thumbs up. Okay, so- That matters. You know, sometimes you don’t have to be all take out all the bells and whistles and crabs and spices. Sometimes you just, you know, you rock with the classic. Yeah. And you do it well. You don’t need shrimp paste. No. Don’t experiment with mac and cheese. You don’t have to, you know? No, it’s classic. That’s right. It’s easy. You’re a big mac and cheese fan, right Vi? Is it – yeah. I was about to say, is it kind of like funny and contradicting that me and you are making mac and cheese today even though we have the weakest stomachs? I know, I know. But you know, sometimes the heart wants what it wants regardless of what the stomach says. That’s very true. So we have three different kinds of dairy going in this. We do, milk, cream and evaporated milk. That’s right, and all of these create a wonderful, thick, luxurious sauce. We’re actually making a roux first. Yes. And the roux is cooking nicely. This is also the recipe. We adapted it into a single serving. Yes. You know, ’cause I wasn’t gonna make a casserole dish of mac and cheese and you know… This tiny. Yeah, this tiny. It’s a tiny personal- This tiny. It’s a personal serving of mac. And you know, it’s good. You know, sometimes people don’t want to make a whole – some people live by themselves, you know? Some people don’t want to make a whole casserole’s worth of mac and cheese. So this recipe is for you. Yes. This is also a weapon because of how tiny it is, so be careful with this cast iron. It is cute. Yeah, so we’re just gonna let this warm up and get nice and saucy and a little bit thickened. So just hold on for like two seconds. Real creative risk here, Nicole! Josh, sometimes it’s not about being creative. Sometimes it’s about winning. Now if you were a winner, you would know that. Ooh. Diss! What’s a really bad basketball player? Like a really bad one. A really bad one? Danny Green. Okay, Danny Green! He had a good career! He just missed that one shot! No, he’s pretty bad. Okay, Danny Green! Thanks, Vi. Couldn’t do it without you. All right, so this has thickened up a little bit. It’s still a little bit loosey goosey, but we want that because we’re gonna bake it off a little bit. So we’re gonna shut the heat off. Shut the heat off. Very important. We’re going to add our spices. There is chicken bullion, mustard, cayenne, onion, garlic, salt and pepper in there. Yes there is. Season your damn food please. Season it. Overseason if you think it’s not enough. It is very important to season your food. So we’re gonna use some Velveeta cheese in here. And it’s going to – it has some sodium citrate in there which is going to create a beautiful, luxurious sauce. We’re going to add some Monterey Jack. Excuse me, I’m speaking. Some Gruyere. And then some sharp cheddar. So the reason why we do this while the heat is off, but it’s still warm, it’s so that the cheese doesn’t cease. And it doesn’t overcook and it doesn’t separate. Oh, and then- That’s beautiful. That looks really good. And then a few dashes of your favorite hot sauce. We’re using some- Tony C! Good old fashioned Tony C’s Louisiana pepper sauce. This is my favorite one right now, by the way. I put it on all my breakfast burritos. Yeah, it’s pretty dank. And then we’re gonna add some mac. And then we can switch over to our. Yes ma’am. Our spoon. And give it a nice, healthy mix. We like healthy mix. This looks really good. That looks beautiful, Nicole. Ooh! I don’t know. That looks incredible. You want to taste it? I would love to taste it. Let’s taste it for seasoning. You got pocket spoons? I’ll get you some. I got lip gloss. What color? Pink. Fenty. Your favorite. Cute, cute. I’m on a rare beauty kick right now. Ooh. Let’s try this. Ooh. A little more salt? Yeah. A little bit more hot sauce? Yeah, for sure. Throw it in there. Yeah. Oh yeah, that smells lovely. Do you see that? All creamy and velvety. Ooh yeah. I’m ready, Nicole. You’re ready for me? I’m ready for you. So we have a greased up skillet. A tiny little skillet. And we’re going to shove our macaroni on top in there. Yes, sorry. Sorry. I was getting ready to beat somebody up. I enjoyed your interpretive dance. The competition basically. So I’m just going to spoon this in here. Yeah. It’s real good, okay, and then just top it on there. And then we’re gonna bake it so it can kind of come together a little bit more. It looks a little bit wet right now, but whenever the oven does its nice little heating thing it’s all gonna come together. And then you just wait because. There’s some more goodness coming. Always. Our mac and cheese is bubbling away. And in front of you there are three pork products. Vi, tell them what the pork products are. I would love to. This is regular ass bacon. Can I say that? Yes you can. Ass bacon is allowed. Okay. This one has honey and Chipotle powder on it. This one is applewood bacon with brown sugar and pepper. This is pancetta with garlic and rosemary. That’s right, the only thing that could make this damn mac and cheese better? Pork. Pork! Specifically bacon. We’re not big bacon eaters, but sometimes, you know, you just gotta hit them with the one-two left hook. And that is bacon. Bacon is flavor, bacon is fat, bacon is delicious. Bacon is great. So let’s see what our macaroni is looking like right now. Ooh, it has the leopard print on it. My favorite. Look at that, okay? Look at that. Gorgeous. Stunning. Wow. Vi, cut up some bacon and throw it on there. I would love to. Bam! You know, some people might say, you know, Nicole, you’re a little bit cocky. Nicole, your confidence, I don’t know where it’s coming from. It’s ’cause this is literally the best mac and cheese in the whole entire world. Like legit, it is the dankest. It is the dankness. It was the dankiest of the dank. It really is good. And I’m just excited to win again. I don’t know, am I just like, are we just being too confident? Am I being too confident? Never. No. So I’m gonna throw in some pancetta in there too and you just mix it all up. And then top it. And then guess what? We’re good to go. Yes we are. Throw it on there, Vi. Stunning. Wow! Are we putting it all over or in the middle? Whatever you want. I kinda want to put it everywhere. This is your recipe as much as it is mine, honey. I’m gonna just put it all in the middle. Gorgeous. Look at that. Just make a nice bacon bowl. Wow. Stunning. All right. And there it is, ladies and germs. A beautiful classic macaroni and cheese. With the trio of bacon. Of bacon. That’s right. Let’s do it. Lucas, every time you’ve judged one of these battles it’s been the worst day of my life. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the kitchen. Lucas is back. You have two different mac and cheeses. One made by Lily and myself, one made by Nicole and Vi. Are you a big mac and cheese fan? Not so much. That’s fantastic. We love that. I’m not a food guy. Do you promise to be an impartial judge? Do you feel like you can do that today? Fantastic. Eat me and Lily’s first. So what we have today, this is our phuket-style crab curry mac and cheese. What we did is we ripped off the outer carapace of the crab, then we took its hepatopancreas or the crab fat, mixed that in with the sauce, shredded some of the leg meat, added that in with a southern Thai style curry paste. There’s a lot of shrimp paste, fish sauce and crab guts in there, enjoy. Stop it. Do I just bite through the shell? It’s hot. That’s not what we’d recommend. Don’t eat the shell. Really? Many would just dig it out from the shell with a spoon. Okay. I’ll move that. Do you do well with spice? What? Like spicy food? I didn’t understand the question. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do well with spice. I do well with spice. Is this spicy? It should be pretty spicy, yeah. We added some Trinidad scorpion pepper in there as well. Looks like the, let me try to get all of it for a second. That’s not very impartial of you. Oh sorry, sorry, sorry. I love you. Sorry, sorry. I’m just trying here. Yeah, really knife into the crab carapace. We caught the crabs ourselves. Did you? Liars. I actually caught a crab one time. Did you? Yeah, just a single crab. By accident? Oh. Did it latch onto your mustache? Just kidding. You’re great. Think about the food. Think about the food. The food’s in your mouth right now. Maybe you don’t like food ’cause you don’t think about it. It’s all personal now. I’m getting stuff from both sides. Okay okay okay. It’s not impartial. That’s really good though. Thank you! Yeah, did you make it? Yeah, man, we made all of it, you know. We wanted to take a lot of creative risks in this because, you know, life can get boring. May I? Yeah, please. There it is, yeah. I mean I don’t- You got shell in it. Look at that. Yeah, that’s… Do you like that? Yeah. Okay good. So Vi and I have for you today a classic mac and cheese with a trio of bacon on top. And that’s all she wrote. Okay. Yeah. What part of the crab did this come from? Zero. There’s no crab involved, but there is sweet chili bacon and salt and pepper, brown sugar bacon, and pancetta cooked with rosemary and garlic. You guys did this all today? That’s crazy. What did you do? Today I went to pick some prints up. Where did you go? Cool. Yeah, there’s a print shop guy that I know. Oh, a print shop. It was my friend Tom. This is insane, you guys. I mean it looks great, but to get a full bite you really gotta just violate this thing. Okay. Who laughed? Everybody. You’re funny, you’re a delight. People really enjoy having you here. Yeah. No, it’s KG. Oh, okay. That one wins. Yes! What? That’s what I’m talking about! That’s the winner. Lily, creative risks get rewarded sometimes. What? Sometimes you need to rip out- What the hell just happened? The innards of a crab. That was the fastest decision ever. Wait wait, why? Why? Okay, explain. Explain your decision. That one’s in a crab. Is that why it won? It won because it’s in a crab or is it better? Just… I feel like every time I’ve been here you guys have asked me to have theirs first. So once the crab was in the mix it was sorta like well everything’s judged against that, right? So when I saw this kinda rotted pot, I didn’t think much of it. Did you say rotted pot? It’s a cast iron. It’s gross, like burnt up. It’s a black – it’s black! It didn’t start black, Nicole. The cast iron? This obviously didn’t start – I mean it’s a crab. Can I just flip it? Yeah, flip it over. That’s the color it’s supposed to be. Yeah, I used to work in an aquarium. That’s the color it used to be, but see, now it’s all burnt. Can I ask you an honest question? Like you actually think this tastes better though? Oh for sure. Yeah, it’s really good. You guys should try it. We should all eat each other’s. You guys should get in on this. You should still make the mac and cheese that I have pinned to my Twitter. Yeah, you should. Or you can mix a bunch of crab guts in the mac and cheese along with Korean fish sauce, thai shrimp, chili paste and a bunch of crab curry. It needs more chili oil, but it’s good. Or you just work here and you get pulled out of your job to do stuff like this. You don’t have to make anything. You just try it. Sorry, Tom. You come in, and you just talk for a bit. There’s no script. This is me. It’s fun. I like ours better. What if there was a script and this is what we had written for you? I am a remarkable actor. AI cannot do that. It can never replace Lucas. No, AI cannot replace me. You guys did good. Thank you. Proud of you. Thank you, you too. I don’t want to hold you. You don’t know how to fist bump like a regular person? That’s really great, guys. Okay, now I’m offended. Fist bump the crab. Thank y’all so much for stopping by the Mythical Kitchen. Finally I’m out of my creative rut. And Lily, now that I’ve used you for your cooking prowess I can just ditch you to the side. And then I’ll come running back to you in about two weeks. Oh yeah? This is a healthy work relationship. Oh it’s really good? It’s like candy. You like it now? Oh it’s candy? Lucas, thank you all again. Tell the people where they can find you. What kind of projects you got coming up that you want to plug? I work at Good Mythical Morning. I also, I make designs. I draw stuff, so. Devil Lumps. Do it. You know, find it. I don’t know. I’m not gonna tell you exactly how. Devil Lumps! Yeah, Devil Lumps. The best t-shirts in town! That’s right. Make me one. We’ll see you all next time. The best microwaveable mac and cheese is waiting just for you. Visit sporked.com for all your grocery research needs.