Get your phone out. You have to record me doing a TikTok dance. I don’t have my phone. It’s a TikTok dance. I hate… You have to record. I am never having children. I need my phone! Welcome to Mythical Kitchen, where dreams become food. I feel like I haven’t said that in a while. That felt good. All right, so here in Mythical Kitchen, we understand that what we do is not exactly like you cooking at home. We can give all the practical tips that we want, but at the end of the day, somebody’s doing our dishes for us. Somebody is chopping our vegetables, they’re prepping a lot of the food. So today, I am challenging myself, along with the help of the mischievous Kitcheneers to cook a dish with all of the distractions, with all the challenges, with all the sabotages of everyday life to see if it turns out the same. Maybe you’ll learn somethin’ in the process about how to overcome obstacles because as Tony Robbins said, “Give me your money.” Scam artist! Let’s get cookin’. All right. Welcome, Josh. The Mythical Kitcheneers would like you to make a fried chicken sandwich with slaw. Before you, you’ll see the ingredients to make said slaw, but there are two problems for you to solve. Oh, that was it? Thank you, God, for telling me that. I hope you didn’t see what I did when I was alone in my bedroom when I was 12. It was a weird time. We were all just figuring ourselves out. That sounds good. Okay, we’re makin’ a slaw, like a little mayonnaise hot sauce that, you know, good start. So a slaw for a chicken sandwich. Red cabbage. We got green cabbage, red onion, jalapeno, carrot. Pretty good slaw, a little mayonnaise-based dressing. I noticed something before we started filming, and I think I see where the sabotage here is. This wall used to be full of knives, and also, this drawer used to be full of, are you kidding me? This is the only knife? I hate you guys. I hate you guys. That makes sense. Classic knives in the dishwasher. That actually happened to me with an ex, ruined, like, $400 worth of knives. Could have still been together. Okay. Okay, we have, hold on, hold on. I can bash it with this. That’s fun. A thing, here we go, here we go. Y peeler and a box grater. Box grating carrots is something that I actually really like. Box graters are a great tool if you don’t have a knife, or honestly, cutting carrots for a slaw with a knife sucks. I hate doing that. I’m gonna peel the carrots with this. Somebody laughed. Is there something wrong with the box grater? Is this gonna, like, fall off? I don’t like this. I have no idea what’s happening, and we thought of this episode, and now every time they giggle, I get paranoid. They’re gonna be like, “There was arsenic in the Cholula.” Ah! Okay, great. So I’m gonna box grate the carrot. This, honestly, I use a box grater all the time instead of a knife ’cause cutting a carrot with a knife sucks. There we go. Is the sabotage that we just bought really limp carrots, or are these just very limp carrots from the store? Problem with box grating things like, you can probably box grate cabbage, but the problem is when you have something that’s too watery like an onion or a jalapeno, then you just sort of get a bunch of juice in there. But carrots are sturdy enough to where you can box grate ’em. There’s a little treat for Daddy. Didn’t expect that. Not working as well as I wanted, but, okay, I’d never heard of this trick until I saw a video. It was when we were doing the Honduran fried chicken, which is, like, still the best fried chicken I’ve ever had, pollo chuco. But somebody was making curtido, or a cabbage slaw, and they were using a Y peeler to shred cabbage. Some of these things, I’ve had a lot of homemade coleslaws, and I want my cabbage really finely shredded for a slaw. I’ve had so many homemade coleslaws that are just like thick chunks of cabbage. ‘Cause, you know, a lot of people don’t have very sharp knives and a lot of people don’t, you know? Take a Y peeler, you can get this really thinly shredded. Give me a sec, this might take a while. And this is real. I’m gonna say it, and you’re probably gonna cut it. Oh my God! You sound like Moaning Myrtle. Are you Mythical Chef Josh? I am. Yeah, hi, I’m Josh. What’s your name? Oh my gosh. Hi, I’m Nicole. It’s so nice to meet you. Can you sign this formerly ratified Guinness World of . Can you please sign this formerly ratified Guinness World of Book Records thing that you did, please? Yes, the Guinness… I know you’re very nervous, and this is lovely. Okay, stop shaking. Okay, just, here. Just let me, yeah, that’s very fine. This is not a distraction that normally happens. Okay, there. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Can you also take a picture of us? Yeah. With your phone, please. Oh, no, I’ve been tricked with this before. No, no no, please. I’ve been- Please! Please! I, literally, don’t even have my phone on me. Please! I have the Mythical Kitchen Spoom, now available at mythical.com. You can go there and buy it. It came out with a line of cooking utensils that we’re really proud of. I, literally, don’t have my phone on me. Okay, can you make a video for my friend? Yeah, I- It’s Caroline Arizona. Okay, do you have your phone? You could just look over there and say it. Caroline Arizona, I heard you’re such a good friend to Nicole, and I heard that you watch my videos. It’s very cool. I really hope you’re havin’ a great day. We’re havin’ a great time over here. Wish you could be here. Sorry that you’re not. Get some more red onion in there. That’s about enough red onion. I’m just gonna plop that. Ugh. Josh, I should note that because you’re being sabotaged today, you must clean up all your messes and do all your dishes at the end of the video. That’s a bummer. It’s a bummer for me, ’cause normally, I chuck all the dishes in there. Not my lunch dishes, I do those sometimes. Yeah, okay. Why did you make climate change happen? I feel like I’m owed an answer. I don’t know. God? I don’t like it either. Got ’em! Mayonnaise-based sauce for slaws, I’m a big fan of. I… Why is the mayonnaise so hot? Lily’s smiling. I think it’s Lily, why is the mayonnaise so hot? All right, so we’re lookin’ for slaw ingredients. Creamy things, I like creamy things. Greek yogurt. I always have this ’cause I hate myself, and I need to get at least 200 grams of protein a day to feel like I’ve accomplished anything. Yogurt is not going to accomplish all the same things as mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is not dairy. Yogurt is dairy, but it’s white and creamy. And so, if you take Greek yogurt and then you add some fat to it, then you kinda get somewhere close. And then you’re gonna add some acid. You’re gonna add a little bit of the sherry vin. I like a pretty acidic slaw. Shall we throw some hot… That’s just hot sauce, good. Good. Gonna do that. I’m gonna get a little mustard in there. Mustard can help emulsify things. You add in things like oil and vinegar, you don’t know if it’s gonna combine with the yogurt. A little drop of mustard because the mustard flour acts as a particulate emulsifier. God dang, I’m so good at science. Anytime you’re substituting ingredients, right, you have to realize what’s missing. Like I said, mayonnaise has a lot more fat than yogurt. Adding oil, that’s fat. Again, it’s not gonna turn out the exact same. Also, mayonnaise is a lot saltier than yogurt. So you add a lot of salt to the yogurt to kind of equal mayonnaise. To me, cooking is like algebra, which everybody notoriously loves. But really, it’s just subbing in variables, right? You know the formulas, now you just gotta even things out. I need a whisk! Hands, I need hands. Have you ever been to Chicago? All right, I’m adding my slaw dressing. I’m gonna keep some of this for snackin’. Yum. Now we’re gonna toss it, boom. Slaw made. It’s only limited sabotages and a ton of dishes to clean that I’ll do later. That’s exciting. All right, Josh, you’ve made it to the next step. Here, you’ll be frying your chicken. But, again, there’s two problems for you to solve. These tongs are made of chocolate, aren’t they? Ah, they’re just, I gotta wash these now, dammit. Okay, chicken is, yeah, uh-huh. That’s frozen. That’s frozen. We’re playin’ on the old someone-forgot-to-thaw-the-chicken-now-your-mom’s-mad meme that was big on TikTok. Defrost. Microwave defrost is your best friend. Microwaves, moderns of miracles of sciences. Modern miracle of science, the microwave is. The microwave… Give me a sec. Frozen pizza? Sure, man, why not? No, what does that do? SC two, what does that mean? The microwave was actually invented by a scientist who was working on a new form of radar and then noticed that the chocolate bar in his pocket melted whilst working on the radar, indicating that these microwaves he was sciencing could indeed heat water polecules. Water polycules, the water is poly. Do you wanna know which came first, the chicken or the egg? Yeah, God, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Deez nuts. No, Annaliese, do it again. We gotta do it again. I’m mixing my flour with my Tony Chachere’s. Put some more in there, man. I like really heavily seasoned flour. I think people under season their flour on fried chicken all the time. That works. Tongs, tongs, tongs. Crack an egg. These eggs look suspicious, God dang it. Yep, yep. Yep. Yeppers. Yepperoonie. And I’m cleaning the eggshells off the ground later. You did a pretty good job hard boiling the eggs. We did something once with busting fried chicken myths that I was very impressed with, which was straight water. Water actually kinda makes sense because when you’re putting water in the deep fryer, all it’s doing is fully dehydrating and steaming out. I’ve never done it with a boneless, skinless breast though. You guys think I should do it? Woo! Yeah! I’ve used ranch dressing and mayonnaise too, and that’s fun. Should I do ranch? Ranch water! Do we have ranch? I’ma get a little funky. I’ma add a little funky freshness to this. I’m gonna go pickle juice, I’m gonna go jarlic juice, I’m gonna go a bunch of hot sauce, and then that’s gonna go right into my highly-seasoned flour with my frozen chicken breast. I’m not even gonna use the ranch. I’m gonna go straight hot sauce, pickle juice, jarlic. That’s the hell I’m about. I don’t know if this is gonna work out. Okay, I did mess up and cook my chicken breast a little bit, and that’s absolutely fine. You know why? It’s gonna end up tasting good regardless. Let me get a bag. When you’re defrosting your chicken breast, start at small intervals, and don’t get distracted by God yelling, “Deez nuts,” at you. I’m just gonna gently pound out this chicken breast. It’s a little cooked on the outside, but here’s the thing, your goal is to cook your chicken. And… Is this a home invader? Is this just a mentally ill man? Daddy, when is dinner gonna be ready? Dinner? I don’t know. I want dinner! 10 minutes. 10 minutes, 10 minutes! You have to get your- Get your phone out. You have to record me doing a TikTok dance. I don’t have my phone. It’s a TikTok dance. I hate… You have to record. I am never having children. I need my phone! Do the TikTok dance! I am tying my tubes right now. Do the TikTok dance with me. I’m gonna use this to give myself a vasectomy. When is dinner gonna be ready? So this never happens to me. I just jam it up there? Hear me out, this chicken looks terrible. But what if I told you it is? Hold on. Yeah, let me just, okay, this is gross. Yeah, I cooked half of it. I cooked half of it, and I don’t love that. But now you can take the outside, and you have a lovely, like, barbecue pulled chicken sandwich to deal with. But again, hey, hey, hey. You at home, this S happens. God, why do bad things happen to good people? Don’t you say it, I swear to God. I swear to you. Deez Don’t. Nuts. God dang it! The fryer’s cold? The fryer’s cold. It’s plugged in. It is not plugged in. Fryer’s not plugged in. Okay, wait. Sometimes you think you had a pot of boiling water on. Sometimes you get too high and you put soup on, and then you fall asleep on the couch, and then you wake up 14 hours later and it’s smoking. No, just me? All right. Uh-oh, baby’s hungy. That means you have 10 minutes left to get dinner on the table and get your chicken sandwich fried. You put a 10-minute clock on? It’s like, is this a freakin’ “Saw” movie? Is this “Saw XII” where Vin Diesel and Jason Momoa come in? All right, 10 minutes, we gotta go quick. Oil’s gotta heat quick. We have oil in here. We have a Mythical Kitchen Spoom! Save me, Mythical Kitchen Spoom, the best tool for ladling, for spooning oil into your pot. Screw it, it’s gonna get everywhere, I don’t care. Shallow. Why we’re doing two pots, that’s a great question, God. I’m so glad you asked me. So we’re doing two pots because you have more surface area, and that is going to allow it to heat faster. Fantastic. Just leave that in there. I have to clean all this, God dang it. Doing the thing where you add liquid to your flour to create cragley bits. That makes your chicken taste better, and this chicken’s already half cooked. Add some crags in there. I’m gonna take my half-cooked chicken breast. That’s going in. The chicken breast is a little bit wet because we defrosted it, and I didn’t wanna grab paper towels because my baby’s screaming at me. So you go ahead and pat the flour all the way into the chicken breast, and that way, it gets nice and coated. And that water from the chicken is actually going to absorb. We’re gonna go right into this. Get it nice and wet. Right back into the flour. And we’re actually gonna let that sit in the flour just until the oil is hot enough. Yeah, that’s lookin’ nice. You know what, one more time, why not? Triple dredge this chicken, let’s go. Baby needs a nice chicken sandwich, you know? If there’s one thing I know about babies, it’s that they love recording TikTok dances and eating fried chicken sandwiches. Can you buy me a car? Check where the oil’s at? Lookin’ about anywhere above 310, we’re good. 226. 266. We’re rockin’ and rollin’. We’re at 320. Hey, at 320, blaze it. All right. Add some of that in there. Boom, oil hot. What, three minutes? How much time we got on the clock? Five minutes. Five minutes? Baby, you’re gonna be eatin’ tonight, and Daddy is not buying you a car. Baby Trevor. Finally. Daddy’s got your food. I know you were just cranky Oh my God. because you’re experiencing a lot of things for the first time, you know? You’re either one and a half or 16, I can’t exactly tell. I’m gonna go down to that warehouse on seventh and smoke drugs with that guy Rolf from the bowling alley if you need me. Yeah, tell Rolf I say hi. Thanks for the chicken. Rolf is a really good guy, actually. Not actually, like it doesn’t… No. Why? Stop. You know how sometimes when you’re cookin’, you know, you got a hungry kid at home, sometimes a maniac with a blow torch comes and blow torches your buns. Okay. It smells so bad. It’s just burnt toast. We’ve all dealt with burnt toast. You missed one, a-hole! Got her. Never should’ve given Lily access to the flammables. You guys should see Trevor. Do any of your cameras swivel around enough to just see Trevor over there? Trevor, drink your bottle. Yeah, yeah that is disturbing. Let’s see if this works. You can scrape it with a knife, but like, I’m using the rough side. Still smells a little bit like butane. I’m gonna go shave it with a knife. Go shave it with this little butt knife. It’s not bad. We’re gettin’ there. All these are sort of like allegories, right? Like parables. God, what was this supposed to teach me? To love your neighbor as yourself. Lily, I love you despite the fact that you did that out of pure malice and hatred. Cool, buns are toasting. We got chicken, we got slaw. We got leftover little yogurty vinegary sauce. That looks lovely. It’s gonna smear on the bun. Got my favorite bread and butter pickles. I’ve just been eatin’ these like candy. I peed in that jar. All right, we saved the blow-torched bun. We’ve toasted it in butter. Butter can help disguise a lot of things in the kitchen. There we go. Buns, oh, what am I? Oh, I’m crunching on the eggshells I dropped. I gotta clean that. Get a little bit of sauce down on the bottom of this bun. I like to bottom my chicken sandwiches with sauce and slaw. Lovely, some nice vinegary sauce. And take a little bit of the slaw. I like to kinda put a dollop in there and then just sort of pack it down. Fantastic. Put our chicken on top. We’re gonna take Trevor’s pissckles, as I call them. That’s a portmanteau of piss and pickles. Gonna take some pissckles, put those right on top. Let all of that… Go ahead and take our top bun. What I love about this, that we mangled it so hard, is that now you just have pockets for sauce. Check this out. It’s like the sea of tranquility in there. Beautiful. Sauce around. Crown it. We did it. We made a whole chicken sandwich despite being sabotaged by all the things that happen in life. But now to cut it in half without a knife. One little final hack. God damn it! Oh, I’m so mad. I really thought that was gonna work. Aw, shoot. Well, turns out the ultimate cooking sabotage is yourself. Well, no, it’s still good. Listen, it’s still the same chicken sandwich. Well, let’s try it. This chicken, Trevor, you ate this chicken? Yeah! Great, man. Awesome. You did great, Dad. Thanks, Son. One, it’s incredibly seasoned, and part of that is coming from the pickle juice, hot sauce, jarlic combination. Literally, just double dredging it in a watery substance is maybe the way to go. It’s so crispy, it’s so crunchy. We got the crags on there. When you’re cookin’ for yourself, when you’re cookin’ for loved ones at home, things aren’t always gonna be perfect. You gotta know how to adapt in the kitchen. And of course, you gotta know how to do the dishes, which I’m about to go do. Thank you all so much for stoppin’ by. Hope you enjoyed this episode. Hope you learned how to cook better. Or maybe you learned somethin’ about yourself, watchin’ Trevor in that baby costume. I’m gonna go do the dishes. I’m gonna eat this chicken sandwich first. Come on. Come on, we’re goin’. It’s so limp. It’s so limp. Hey, what’s the hack for when your water doesn’t get hot? This place sucks! I’m never coming to this Denny’s ever again. Thank you, KG. You want some chicken sandwich? There’s another half. You don’t want it? Okay. Can I have a Red Bull? No. Why not? ‘Cause you can’t pee on the road trip. Driving up to Reno. You’re doing great. Thanks, KG. You’re welcome. Mom said you should buy me a car. Your mom died three years ago. You talked to your therapist about this. Three years ago, Mom said you should buy me a car. Yeah, well, ask your mom now. Oh my God! Is that Mythical Chef Josh? Yeah, I know. I’m very famous. This must be very exciting for you. Oh my God! Stop. Don’t! No throw! No throw! Everything’s so oily. Goddammit. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No! Get out! Get outta here! I’ll splash you with Trevor’s piss. ♪ Heading in up in a Hotel California ♪ Neil Peart is better than Don Henley. Like your mother, Neil Peart is dead. Do ever just not care so much that you just, like, eat the sandwich with your wet dish hands? Me either. No, people said they wanted a realistic cooking video, that show us doing the dishes afterwards. You happy? You happy? And people were like, “Oh, Josh will probably be all insane doing the dishes.” No, I’m being normal. Now I have slaw for tomorrow. I’m gonna just wrap this butter. There’s pickles on it, but you can have pickles on it. It was just pickles. You know? Someone please say cut. Feels like an episode of “Black Mirror”. So weird. You shouldn’t use the dish sponge to clean counters, but I do it anyways. If you’re wondering how Josh is at home, it’s this but with heavy metal music. Not really metal, more like a nu-metalcore. Alexa, play “Akudama” by Alpha Wolf. Wrist up your next fire meal with a Mythical Kitchen Utensil Set, available now at mythical.com.