Emily, just don’t move. It feels hot somewhere. You’re going to be fine. It doesn’t feel hot. You’re just scared. Good day, mates! Our favorite chaotic cook, Emily, is joining us once again to create the loveliest edible arrangement of all, the Outback Steakhouse Bloomin’ Onion. I can hold that! I can hold it! Emily, no! Why would I want to inconvenience you? But we’re making it even fancier and serving it up with a luxurious loaded potato and a Wagyu porterhouse steak. Look at my wet potato, sky! Will we add too much gold dust to our beautiful onion bouquet? Will we talk with an Australian accent too much today? I don’t like that. Only one way to find out, so let’s get cooking. ((Intro Music)) – [Josh] Emily, we got a sack full of Outback. Oh, Outback Bloomin’ Onion to go is wet, just like me. It’s so steamy. We got a porterhouse and a baked potato and a Bloomin’ Onion. Crack that bad boy open. Dang. Hi, we’re doing Australian accents the whole time? No, I don’t like doing I just. Say it properly. “Naur”. Naur, I don’t, see, I can’t do it, I just immediately turned southern. Emily, dig into that Bloomin’ Onion. All right, cool. You’re, you seem. It’s wet. Yeah, I know, it steams when you get it to go. Okay. Normally it’s crispy. Oh, it’s soft like a sponge. This is not a very transportable food. Listen, when you eat it, they wouldn’t let us film it inside. Emily got us kicked out last time. Well, I was the life of the party. Some Outbacks don’t have chill managers, Outback. Ugh! That sauce. I love it. You don’t love the Bloomin’ sauce? No, it’s sour. I just think that it’s, I want it to be spicy. It tastes like they added six too many ingredients to it, but I love it. You want me to cut you some steak? People eat it like a sandwich. No! You do seem like somebody who’s been kicked out of an Outback before. I’ve never been kicked out of an Outback. I’m trying to think of places I have been kicked out of. Oh, this steaks tough. I do live, that you frequent Outbacks though, right? Yes I do. I like to go for an after work, beverage. Yeah. And hang out. Because I just, I don’t know. I like the vibes. Eat that. I know. This, we ordered a medium, but when you put it in the box to steam, it kind of just becomes well done. That is not a medium. It is getting steamy in the car. Are you seeing this? The Bloomin’ Onion and the, it’s like steaming up the car. Whoever is out there just eating Outback to go in their car, I salute you because this is not a pleasant experience. I bet eating Outback in your car will make a difference. People think you need to get arrested. Oh, absolutely. Because the steam on here. Yeah, and I’m rocking back and forth eating that Bloomin’. Oh, yeah. I love it. I love the onion. Give me that Bloomin’ sauce. Hello, Emily. I think we should do Australian accents this whole bit. Listen, earlier in the car, I said that we’re not doing that. Yeah, that’s fair enough. Australians deserve it. That’s what I’m saying. Here’s why. Unserious people. Have you ever seen True Blood? What y’all did. To the southern accent. It’s unforgivable. No, there’s some Brits trying to play Americans in Sex Education. It is wild. I thought they were supposed to be like Lithuanian or something. Whenever you see a Southerner being played, it’s a thing. And the accent is insane. It’s almost always an Australian. This is my impression of an Australian doing a southern accent. Alright, I [Bleep] Sorry, I said a bad word. But that’s what you think Americans say. And we just be. This is my impression of a 31 year old man hosting a YouTube cooking show for his career. We’re gonna go ahead, we’re gonna toss all these alliums. Okay, so Emily, we gotta talk, we gotta talk. Okay, so right now we are making the base for our Bloomin’ Onion. We’re gonna fancify this as much as possible. That’s why you have fresh wasabi root. Flown in from Japan. It is very much not common in U.S. sushi restaurants. Most wasabi that you’ve eaten is actually horseradish that has been dyed green. So you’re gonna take that and you’re gonna grind it. It is? Yeah, yeah. I didn’t know what wasabi was. It’s a root. I didn’t know it was a root. I kind of thought it was just like a clay. This one’s Jewish. I don’t know what it was. Take that and you’re gonna grind it. Keep that on the, keep that on the table. Okay. But hold that firm. This is so cute. It’s like a little paddle. Bend over. Yes, daddy. I’m kidding. Okay, so, you’re gonna go ahead and you’re gonna grind that. The French call this frotteur or frotteurism. You can go ahead and grind that. Again, sounds like something a paddle should do. Grind that against there in a circular motion. Okay. Until you have like, probably like a teaspoon, a teaspoon and a half in there. What I’m doing, I’m creating a spice blend. We’re making homemade onion powder, but we’re doing it fancy. So we have a lot of different kinds of onions. We have leeks, we have chives, we have scallions, we got shallots, we got garlic, which is an allium, but not an onion. Then we got red onion. I’m really trying to pay attention to that while I’m doing this. What did I say? How many different alliums do we have? I heard scallions and gal, galleons? ((Laughing)) Is that? I don’t know. This is just dehydrated onion. You know, that just smells like, what are those crunchy onions that? French’s! French’s fried onions, this is, oh my god, that’s good. That’s really good. When I used to, live off just hot dogs in New York when I lived there, if they had the fried onions, I would have them put it on there. I’m so mad that there wasn’t just a camera crew following you around when you lived in New York. Oh man, that’s a good thing there wasn’t. I’m adding a bunch of salt to our onion batter. And then, I’m gonna add a little bit of maltodextrin just because there might be some residual moisture left over in there. Maltodextrin is great at soaking up little bits of moisture. Does it feel like maltodextrin is in everything? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. It’s added in so many different prepackaged foods because it prevents clumping from happening. It soaks up oils, it soaks up moisture. It’s just good. Is that what’s in those silica packets? No, I think it’s silica. Oh. I wanna get this to a nice, fine dust. There we go. So we’re also dusting up the salt, and then we’re gonna pop it in here, and we’re gonna shake that all over our Bloomin’ Onion. This is getting spicy in my nose. We said we would never add gold leaf to anything on this show. Because that’s such a cop out. Yeah, yeah. Rule we made after the first episode, when we added gold leaf to the Fancy Big Mac, and people were like, it’s only expensive because it’s gold. It’s like, it cost us $8. That’s why we’re using fake gold. This is just food dye and probably grinded up silica packets or silicone. Oh, that’s. How much did you put in there? I did a little oopsie. Oh, yeah, that’s a lot. Now it’s galleon. We’re just gonna eat a gold brick at the end of this. Spanish galleon. Galleons, I believe, were made of solid gold from Spain? Okay, that’s, oh, no. Oh, no! Oh, I’m one of those glitter girlies now. Let me blend it. I’m gonna get a rash. It’s just like in one spot. Not blendable. Oh, no! ((Laughing)) Submit it for the approval of the Midnight Society. Listen, we’re doing it. Let’s taste it. We gotta taste it. I think this is the best thing that could have happened today. Lick your finger, put it in the crack. Oh my god. It’s really good. It’s, oh, oh no. Are my teeth gold? Yeah! Oh nuts! I’m not putting that in my mouth. I have fake teeth. It’s gonna go up in the cracks of the fake teeth. Oh, it’s creating, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Look at my finger. I had an unfortunate smelting accident. Can you do like a little hazy, like sexy music with my finger? Close up, like. ((Slow Music)) ((Music)) Alright, so, Vegemite. You ever eat just straight Vegemite? Let me try. Oh, it’s really salty. It’s hefty, it’s fudgy, it’s salty, just like me. When somebody dared you to eat the whole flavor packet of ramen noodles, but now it’s got like a plastic taste, too. God, I had wasabi on my finger and gold and Vegemite and I’m living right now. I’m riding the lightning. Here, take it off with your teeth. Oh, yeah. What is this? This is mayonnaise. This is Japanese mayonnaise that I really, really enjoy. We’re gonna add some crème fraîche there. We can add more of that Vegemite. I like that baby on there, just like. ((Laughing)) The Vegemite is hitting! Oh yeah? Hitting! I’m just gonna. That was a lot! Thank you so much. I’m an aggressive man. Alright. You wanna try this? Okay. Why is it chunky on that side? I don’t know. Oh! It taste like something. I like that. Vegemite’s adding salt. The fresh wasabi in there. That’s pretty eggy. Has a kick. I think it could use something. What do you want? It’s a little eggy. There’s no egg in there. I mean, there’s like a little bit of egg in mayonnaise. But what else would you want? I don’t know. More wasabi. You know what I think we need? I think we need a powder. A powder of what? No! Josh! Joshua! Emily! Thank you. What’s your opinion on, saying “Barthelona” when you’re just not from there? I am not the person to ask about Giada De Laurentiis because I do it all the time. I just think it’s. En la ciudad de Los Angeles. I do it all the time, and it’s upsetting. I like saying things, like a Southerner, when I don’t know how to pronounce things, because then it’s like, that’s cute. Oh, she just doesn’t know any better. Alright, so we got. Parlez vous Français? We got our gold allium dust for the Bloomin’ Onion. God, it’s everywhere. It’s the herpes of cooking. And then we got. Barthelona. Got our beautiful special sauce here with the fresh wasabi. Barcelona sounds better coming out of my mouth, doesn’t it? We’re gonna do another thing. Seeing as we’re not just doing the Bloomin’ Onion, and we’re doing an entire meal from Outback, because if you go in there and just order a Bloomin’ Onion and drink six Diet Cokes, and then eat the whole thing and drink all the Diet Cokes, they will think you’re weird. So, what we’re doing, baked potato, right? Baked potato, classic side dish. No one does it better than Outback, except for all the other places that also just throw potato in the oven. Uh huh. So what we’re doing instead of that, we have a giant bubbling cauldron of Wagyu beef tallow right here. This is something we ain’t never done before but we asked ourselves a question what happens if you just confit, which means slowly cooking in a giant bath of fat, a whole ass potato and a whole ass thing of Wagyu beef tallow, so. Is that why it’s called duck confit? Yeah. That’s the same thing? Right, confit means like to preserve, so like confiture is the French word for like a jam It’s a preservation. That’s like pâté, right? Yeah. Isn’t that what it is? So a lot of this was when these cold climate places, a lot of hot climate places never developed any sort of charcuterie or meat preservation methods. Because in cold climate places, animals would die off, crops would start failing, so they needed to confit them, store them in fat which protected from bacteria. Here, try this. This is real Australian salt from the Murray River, which is, that’s actually great. What’s the Murray River? Wait, wait, wait. This is so much better than the flaky salt that everyone uses in America. We’re dumping a bunch of that salt in there. But it, hold on. Everyone in America uses Epsom salts. No, what’s it called? Maldon. Maldon sea salt. This is the lightest, flakiest salt and I want to add this to all of my cookies. Australia, good on ya, mate! All I can think about with Epsom salts is the brand that I use, and I can’t remember it. Doctor. Emily, just don’t move. Emily, just don’t move. It feels hot somewhere. You’re going to be fine. It doesn’t feel hot. You’re just scared. We don’t need to cover this with foil because it’s just. Listen, all TikTok talks about is how everyone’s going into perimenopause early. So every time I feel something hot, I’m like, it’s here! The flashes! Have begun! ((Timer Ticking)) ((Timer Ringing)) Ow! Okay, so, God. Okay, so we have a hot potato covered in fat, and what we have here, Emily, open this box, smell it, show it off to the world. Okay, I’m nervous. Is it a dead mouse? Supple, yep. You know how we do on Fancy Fast Food. I don’t like that! What? You just told me you loved it earlier! Oh, truffle? Yes! That’s what truffle smells like? What did you think? Truffle, like, is the smell. That smells like a fermented. I’m just covered in fat now. Like fart. Let’s touch this stinky thing. Touch the stinky thing, and grate, like, a lot of it in there. I’m also gonna take some Wagyu beef fat. I just wanna get, I think truffle and hot fat does really well. Is that good? Keep going. Wait, wait, wait. Should I have skinned it? No, dude, the truffle skin’s part of it. We’re gonna add some Wagyu beef tallow in there, and then we’re just gonna sort of mash it together. You know, I’m gonna be honest here. You use a lot of Wagyu beef tallow in a lot of things, and I have never ever liked the smell of it. Never liked the smell of it. I like this smell more than I like the tallow. We, we, the Wagyu beef tallow only comes in this size of jar, and so we really have to use it. It’s like when you get a gallon of Hawaiian Punch, and then you’re just like, I am sick of drinking Hawaiian Punch, but you keep drinking Hawaiian Punch. Let’s try it, let’s try it, let’s try it. This is a lot of truffle, but I kind of just wanted to create like a truffle paste with the warm fat. I don’t know what it’s going to taste like, you want to taste the blind first? Okay. It’s going to be heavy. I don’t. Tastes like beef tallow. Wow! Oh, that is a heavy truffle flavor. We’re doing it. As I keep moving it around. It’s pretty good. I’m gonna cut up some bacon bits. Emily, tell them about the history of mercantilist economic policy, Louis XIV’s reign, and Mimolette cheese. I’m gonna change the subject. Check out Josh’s nasty ass Band-Aid. I have a burn. That was openly weeping pus. Okay, so in Louis XIV’s reign, right? Late 1600s, early 1700s, France enacted a mercantilist policy. Mercantilism is effectively a protectionist form of economic government where you believe that your exports have to outweigh your imports. So all you do is try and produce your own products, while not importing that many. So there were, like, Edam cheese from the Netherlands is super super popular in France right now, we need to create our own French version of Edam cheese, which is tinted yellow, so they initially used carrot juice to dye a new kind of hard cheese, but then the Spanish imports came annatto seed, which is how Mimolette gets its signature color Boom! Mr. Stornhall, AP European History, that’s what’s up. Cardinal Richelieu, what? And I have a question. Go ahead. What was that seed you just mentioned? Oh, so annatto seed, comes from Mexico. It’s like, used to make achiote paste, which you ever get like al pastor? Oh boy, now I’m gonna have to ask what the hell that is. Al pastor, tacos, you’re drunk, you’re eating tacos. Al pastor, the pork’s kinda red. Uh huh. That’s what makes it red! Okay. You gotta just relate it back to drinking. You really just gotta like, simplify it. Yeah, if you say like, if you just say tequila, I’m like, back, I’m back in. Alright, now we’re gonna take a bunch of golden Osetra caviar, and this is going to go right on top. Emily, this, I am so freaking stoked to eat this potato. You don’t even know. This is gonna be the best part. Come on, come on. I don’t, okay. Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. You know you want it. That’s pretty good. Yeah, it’s pretty good. Here we have our Wagyu beef tallow confit potato white truffle and some bacon. We’ll get some fresh white truffle on there and we’re ready to eat. But, we’re gonna bloom some onions and make some steaks. We’re not gonna drink though? We can find something. Alright. Gotta figure out how to bloom this onion. God, I hate that. I’m, Steve, no, what’s the Crocodile Dundee? There’s Steve Irwin. Yeah, he was a real person. Crocodile Dundee is played by an actor named Paul Hogan, and my brother once went up to him at a charity dinner, and he had a butter knife. My brother went, that’s not a knife! And then the guy said, leave it, mate. ((Laughing)) And my brother walked away. So that’s a fun little Jon story. Steak! It’s what’s for dinner. Also. So you can go ahead and season up the steak. Emily, you’re just gonna go ahead and do this all yourself. There you go. Look at you go. Look at you. Can you crack a bunch of pepper on there? We’re getting a ton of salt on this steak. Well, I’m gonna wait for you to finish that. Crack a ton of pepper on there. Crack a ton of pepper. We have this onion bloomed. I’m gonna try and toss this in some flour. Is this too much pepper? No, that’s perfect. Keep going, keep going, keep going. We have our onion bloomed. I’m gonna, it’s gonna go upside down. Emily, can you flip that steak and then salt and pepper the other side? You saw how much salt I added to it? Yeah. Dang, this thing is huge. We’re gonna create the wet dredge for our Bloomin’ Onion here. Is it okay if I touch all the things with the bloody fingies? This is the point in the episode where Emily and I are just going to talk as overlapping tracks. You know we don’t shoot this in the same room? They just edit us together. Yep. We record my part and then we add Emily’s part in later. And no one’s in the room with me when they shoot it, and I think you could tell. Okay, Bloomin’ Onions are tough. Outback has an entire secret machine. Not only that, they have secret onions, and they would not let us buy an onion. And if you go tour their facilities in Tampa, Florida, they do not even allow you to video the machine that they use. So today, I am the machine, and I’m just trying to, oh, this is not working. Tampa, Florida is like Or just Florida in general is like the Australia of America. I’m just going with my, yes, it is lawless in Tampa, Florida. Tampa, Florida, most strip clubs per capita of any, city in America. I think if I give it a good jiggle, Emily, I’m going to jiggle you dust. Okay? What do I do? Jiggle dust and flour on top of this as I jiggle. This doesn’t seem very big. I’m going to, no, no, no. We got small ones. We’re going to do a couple of them. Oh, okay. There you go. Keep. How do they? It’s not working. No, it’s just gonna go in the fryer. We’re just gonna go in the fryer. But how do they make? Stop dusting. Oh my god, why are you freaking out? I said stop dusting! Oh, I wasn’t listening. Sorry. That’s why. Yeah, I’m just gonna go upside down. Onions going in upside down and now we pray. Hang on. This is the only thing we can do. We are. I only know how to use my stove at home, which is a gas stove. I gotta wash my hands. Emily, you just watch that, you watch that onion, okay? My apartment smells like the gas is on. The gas is probably on! ((Laughing)) That would explain a lot of things. Alright, fantastic. We’re gonna get a bunch of oil in there. And then always take the fat cap of your steak. And you want to start rendering that out. Pan, gotta be rip roaring hot. I’m just, okay, Emily, you stand back there. I can hold that. I can hold it. Wait, Emily, no! Why would I want to inconvenience you? I’m just gonna go ahead, check on this onion. That’s doing fantastic. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. It’s okay. It gets stressful around this point. I just felt like a lot of childhood trauma come back. Oh, that’s a pretty good sear on that steak. Fantastic, and now Emily, here. What, what, what? You have to do something. Okay. Take this butter and just dump it right next to that steak. The whole thing? The whole thing. We are basting it. On one side? Which side? That is Normandy butter. This is that grass fed cow. That deep, deep yellow. That’s pretty. Oh. I’m a makeup, I’m a makeup TikToker, look. Bloomin’ Onion. Okay, hang on. It’s out in 30 seconds. Bloomin’ Onions out in 30 seconds. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Fantastic. Now we’re gonna get this, work it around. We’re gonna take our basting spoon, we’re gonna let that melt, and then that’s going right over that steak. That nice foam brown butter, we’re gonna pop this in, get it up to an internal temp of 127 degrees. Let it rest, get it up to 135 degrees. Emily’s gonna keep on twerking. Can you do the Soulja Boy dance? No, I know that was the big hit song when I was in college, and I don’t understand the dance. All I know is. You! That thing. Is that what it is? Alright, I’m pulling. I was more of a dance to Arcade Fire, like. I’m pulling the Bloomin’ Onion. One, two, how do you do? Boom, look at that Bloomin’ Onion. Take a little bit of our gold dust, get that all, oh yeah, oh Josh put too much gold powder in there. And there we have Bloomin’ Onion done, steak’s gonna roast in there, we got our potato, Emily, you ready to eat? Yeah. Emily, by golly gosh, we did it, we got our golden Bloomin’ Onion with golden allium powder, Vegemite and fresh wasabi, crème fraîche, dipping sauce, we got our baked potato confit in Wagyu beef tallow with bacon, Mimolette cheese, crème fraîche, caviar, and fresh Albanese? Albanian truffles, I don’t care. And our American Wagyu porterhouse steak. But before we eat that, we gotta eat the old staple. Yeah, get the steamy plastic. Look at the moisture. That potato is so wet. Look at my wet potato, sky! I don’t want to look at your wet potato. Okay, I have a fork as well. I’ve never had a better potato than that. Oh dang, it is good. How do they make their potatoes so good? It’s like the bacon taste is like just seeped into the potato. I think it’s steamed in there. Yeah. Steak’s pretty brown. I like that. Are you like a dad where you only order well done at a restaurant? Yeah, just rehydrate in A1. And then of course, the Bloomin’ Onion that once it steams inside the plastic, just becomes, oh, just a wet mess. Oh. Oh. So this is perimenopause. This is pre perimenopause. Ew, dude. That’s a vagina joke. I don’t have vagina jokes, I only have Vagina Monologues. Oh, I’m so excited. Look at that beautiful gold dust. Oh, it’s hot, hot! Oh, ow, ow! Yeah, no, this is fresh out of the fryer. I just want to get a nice piece, but I’m ruining it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don’t think you got any onion. Here, let me grab you some onion. I got some. Ah, God dang it! Eat it! Ow, ow, okay. Dip it in the Vegemite sauce. Oh, I dropped some in there. Oh, I’m getting it all over the steak. Oh, no! Our onion is having trouble dislodging. Oh. Oh. ((Slow Music)) Uh huh. What’s happening is, it’s kind of like. Now no one can have any after this. Oh, that’s so good, though. Oh, man. There’s so much onion flavor. Now, you know I usually don’t like onions. Because I find them to be rude. Yeah. Like if you’re going to make out with someone. But I feel like when you do this to them, the offensive. What? That’s right. No, I agree. And you have a right to say that. You’ve had an attitude with us this whole day. I’m naming this thing. I love a good onion make out. What’s that? What’s its name? Bridget. I hate Bridget. I want to get in the filet here. Get in this filet, see how the cook on it is. That’s a nice medium here. You want to eat that? Yes, please. Yeah, take it. Yeah. I’m just going like a savage. I’m so hungry, I eschewed my lunch just to eat this. Well, I messed up because I ate my whole lunch, but also, wait, I haven’t tried the potato yet! No, no, you can try it. Okay. I’ve gone feral, I’ve gone back to man’s natural state, just like John Locke said I would. Who’s John Locke? Kinda like an OG political philosopher and theorist. Well, he sounds like a blast. Alright, this is the big one because we do love that. You know, I like the Outback potato better. Yeah, I do too. It’s better. But the important thing is it costs more. Well. Which brings me to a question. How much was all this? So this is $514. Jeez! No, well, hear me out, hear me out, hear me out. The Bloomin’ Onion, I mean, this cost about 6 bucks to make. The steak was just the price of a steak. Almost all of our money is in this potato that we all hate. ((Laughing)) I love it. I think something’s weird about the texture in it that’s like. It’s hella creamy. It’s too creamy. It’s too creamy. This tastes like a potato. This tastes like a bunch of wet hot caviar and bacon. Wet hot caviar. Wait, what if you put the caviar on the Bloomin’ Onion? No one’s ever gonna get to try this now. I’m so sorry, everybody. Sorry, everybody. We have more onions. You gotta bloom them yourselves. Hey, Dylan. Come over here and take a bite of this. Come on, Dylan. Show the people what you look like. Hey, wait, Emily, get some sauce on it. You gotta feed him. Feed him like a. Emily, just get some sauce. Dylan, do you have any food allergies? Like, dump it in there! I’m trying to. Oh, he tickles. Yeah. That’s him right there. Oh God, Emily, you know what? We made some good things. We made some terrible, very expensive things. Well, I mean, the steak is outstanding. I hope everyone gets to do that. Please don’t slobber on the steak. Everyone deserves to have some of the steak. At the end of the day, the important thing is, we have half an Outback potato left, and that’s pretty exciting for us. Thank you all so much for stopping by. Is that Bridget? You were like a deer. What’s the, what’s the noise? It’s the fridge, it does that all the time. It’s the fridge? I’m naming you, hang on. The fridge has got to have a name because that was, that was a lot. That was a lot. We’re almost done with this and you decided to pipe up at the end, huh? Gretchen. Emily has a form of synesthesia where she thinks she can taste people’s names. Well, also words. Penelope tastes like Banana Laffy Taffy. We have new episodes coming out every week. You know where to find us. Hit up, hit up a social, the social media. Have you heard of it? It’s the big wave. Mark Zuckerberg. You really are old. Harvard student. Nobody thought he’d make it, but look at him now. You are so old. He wanted to rate girls. He’s got Band-Aids on his hand and he’s calling it the social media. See y’all next time. Bye, I love you. – [Josh] Hey you, cook up your own feast while wearing the Mythical Kitchen apron. Available now at Mythical.com