ramble [Music] can the fake stuff ever be better than the real stuff well nicole like my daddy always said if i can touch him they’re real this is a hot dog is a sandwich ketchup is a smoothie yeah i put ice in my cereal so what that makes no sense hot dog is a sandwich a hot dog is a sandwich welcome to our podcast a hot dog is a sandwich the show where we break down the world’s biggest food debates i’m your host nicole niet and i’m your host josh air today we’re joined by our very good friend jordan myrick from sport sport is mythical’s new website that is dedicated to helping you find the best food items online or at the grocery store they taste test everything from beef jerky to mayonnaise and hot dogs and share their findings with the masses jordan welcome tell the listeners a little bit about yourself thanks so much for having me first of all thanks for taking your shoes off at the door like we mandate of course i love not wearing shocks are still on god damn jordan get out okay sorry um i’m one of the staff writers for sport and i’ve been eating a lot for a very long time um and i’m very good at my job so i love working here you are very good at your job and you also have a lot of hot takes we’ve been subject to some of those hot takes um i tried to eat a spoonful of mustard instead of coffee at about 2 pm to see if it would perk me up um we got my nipples really hard so it worked it worked yeah it perked me up literally yeah i mean at the very least you have hard nipples which i think is an enhancement to your day that’s true uh and i watched showgirl speaking of not having positive role models growing up i watched showgirls too young okay you know the ice them down that scene i love that movie so that’s how i felt with the mustard so thank you for that i love that yeah that’s not my first time providing someone with a real live show girls experience and i’m a natural elizabeth berkeley type you really are thank you so much but today we are here to talk about you have some hot takes about imitation foods versus the real foods yeah i do and we’ve talked about some things like that in the past like american cheese we did like does american cheese deserve to be called real cheese i say yes i say yes i say absolutely get the government out of our cheese 100 what are your hottest takes when it comes to imitation versus real foods well i think that fake syrup is much better than real maple syrup snaps for jordan what’s the best brand would you say of a fake maple syrup oh i love pearl milling company formerly oh yeah um i do think it’s the best i like a mrs butterworth i like um log cabin love like it looks like a log cabin yeah the the cornier it looks the more i want to consume it yes of course i agree i love fake maple syrup yeah eating fake maple syrup growing up for me was just like a like in this economy you’re really gonna spend you know 10.99 on that tiny bottle of real maple syrup and so of course you know we’re eating like little eggo waffles of course you’re gonna use the the fake stuff um but now tasting them side by side the fake maple syrup tastes more mapley than the real meat that’s true absolutely we did a tasting and we were shocked to find out even the most uh high brow of the sporked taste testers were like all real maple syrup tastes like pork yeah it tasted very good it had a very porky quality and same quality yeah justine was the first one to taste it and i was like okay ultimately justine is wrong she’s tasting something weird you know i wrote her off and then i tasted it and i was like this does taste like pork and we tasted more and more and more and all of the real ones tasted like pork that’s so interesting i sure wasn’t like what’s it called uh george orwell think speak what’s it called wherever you want oh uh uh i have no group group things group think are you sure that wasn’t like a group thing situation i don’t think so but this is what i’ll say even if it was group think and it didn’t taste like pork it didn’t taste good and it certainly didn’t taste better than fake maple syrup the texture is also weird it’s like watery absolutely like the corn syrupy homogeneous brown [ ] i like that but the way like maple syrup like og maple syrup like drips not very pleasing no not at all i want it to be thick i wanted to be viscous i wanted to make love to a waffle i don’t want it to kind of slip and slide off in a disgusting way that i don’t like for some people making love and slipping and sliding off are the same thing uh i want my pancakes to look like they do in the goddamn commercials and the only way you can do that yeah like the motor oil looking syrup yeah and the only way you can do that is with imitation stuff yeah what do you say to all the pissed off canadians i think that if you like regular maple syrup more than imitation maple syrup first of all good for you but second of all i think you’re elitist i think you’re elitist i think you’re being a little bit classist i think i think you’re kind of just interested in being like i like the real thing yeah and that’s totally fine but it ultimately does not make you better than me i agree with that and also we’re out here supporting the small american corn farmers absolutely yes tiny corn is why james james monsanto iii absolutely just a struggling family farmer nicole whose syrup needs some place to go because it’s in nothing else it’s only in log cabin imitation maple syrup i do love it though i’m on i’m on your side guys don’t make me the enemy here i’m literally the enemy of small corn i love fake maple syrup and have you guys ever seen the blue stuff the oh the captain crunch have you seen like those weird syrups i hate those those are gross what do you mean no those are i think they’re a delight i think they’re an american institution it’s like snow cone syrup like what’s the point of it i put those on pancakes too wow disgusting i didn’t like it until you called it snow cone cereal and now i’m like i gotta get some i don’t know i just i i mean when it comes to fake foods like for example fake butter how do you guys how do you guys feel about fake books wait hold on we need to go back to syrups we’ve only scratched the surface on syrup because i have something to say i have something to say the entire game changed when ihop went from only having traditional maple syrup to now they have maple syrup blueberry syrup strawberry syrup and butter pecan flavor that’s the best one on every damn table i love the butter pecan and there is nothing natural there is not nary a strawberry nor blueberry nor butter nor pecan has ever reached any of those syrups and they are an absolute delight i will go there after this and try those i love butter pecan i just think that i don’t i just i’ve been to canada i’ve been to canada i’ve been to vermont i’ve had the natural syrups like i have gone to a montreal farmer’s market and bought syrup there and it’s it’s better than bottled american real quote-unquote maple syrup but it’s still not it doesn’t have that buttery quality it doesn’t have that richness yeah i’m looking for the richness yeah i feel that uh fake butter what about it margarine [ ] it dude no i hate it i did not grow up in a margarine household okay i did not must be nice nicole because there’s the imperial butter-ish sticks 99 cents for four of them for 59 cents at the albertsons and i grew up on that and now literally like i didn’t know the flavor of real butter until i was like almost an adult uh and there’s some times when i like i crave that margarine like if i’m making garlic bread it seems like i want that margarine also margarine it’s like a scientific marvel that they’re able to do they really detonate the oils so was the atomic bomb oh now i am become death destroyer of margarine oppenheimer get out of here yeah i have to agree with you josh i love fake butter i also grew up in a fake butter household i think it tastes more buttery than real butter i i don’t believe that it’s not real but i truly simply can’t and similarly i did not have real butter until i was older and i tasted plugra at a restaurant i was working at which and i was like get this away from me and get the i can’t believe it’s not butter spray into my mouth hole now oh you don’t have the spray the spray spritzer oh i love the spray it’s like a an 80s uh like mouth freshener type of thing not butter yes oh it’s so good it just tastes so regular butter uh it’s just what is it doing that fake butter isn’t nicole um it’s delicious okay i just it just tastes it tastes better to me it doesn’t taste fake like i can taste the fakeness in margarine in country crock and what are the follow your heart whatever they are i can taste the fakeness i want the realness i want to see it melt i want to see the fats and the milk solids separate like i enjoy that i enjoy that experience i don’t get that with margaret you know what i can believe it’s not better you know why because i can believe nicole in the power of man man fighting against god raging against the dying of the light using scientific badassery to improve our daily lives through improvements for your heart yeah yeah okay well like regular butter is good for your hair you get the benefits of like i don’t know milk i mean that has that’s been like a huge tonal shift in like all of the way that especially americans consume food was like a lot of our parents probably grew up or came to like adulthood in like the 80s when it was like any sort of animal fat is like bad for you but look we’ve made plants into butter this must be better for you and then like 20 years later they’re like oh no we’ve made a grave mistake and then ditto with stuff like um artificial sweeteners or they had olestra chips back in the day yes that the chips that had no fat because the oil would just go through your body and make your poopy pants absolutely and so they lived through like the time when we were all excited about scientific advancement in food you know and then now we’re like no get back to the natural butter put butter in your coffee and then do yoga and meditate and psycho journal or whatever the fudge you do what’s psycho-journaling i’m down oh it’s just where he got all hopped up on ritalin fake maple syrup and you just start scribbling down whatever never mind yeah it also looks like eminem lyrics i just think that everything is bad for you i have a very strong distrust of the government and i’m just like even when i’m eating an organic non-gmo tomato i’m like i’m gonna die anyway something bad has been done to this like dick cheney put some policy into play that like made this poison and i never read about it because like he covered it up but you know what i mean like nothing is good for me everything is bad and i’m just kind of like okay so yes i’ll drink water but like i’ll also drink soda and don’t demonize me for it you’re like you’re like an anarcho-nutritionalist absolutely yeah that’s that’s how i would describe myself you should have that underneath your name yes yeah i kind of feel that yeah i try to shop at the farmers market when i can you know things like that i want to support small business but i do also believe i’m like the egg yolks that are more yellow in the eggs those aren’t better for you that’s yes they’re just feeding the chicken sometimes you love that hold on hold on hold on that’s what i’ll say budget is through the roof because of this yeah i exclusively buy wait this is where i become an elitist classes piece of crap let’s hear it um vital farms eggs are the only eggs that i buy okay they’re like seven dollars for a dozen sure but like at home you know we go through a dozen eggs maybe like every 10 days i’m not scrambling three eggs from our large boys at home you know who need eggs it’s like a weekend treat for us i’ll use them in recipes the yolks are so much darker than all of the other stuff and to me i don’t think i could taste test i don’t know if i could pick them from another egg in a blind taste test sure all i know is i see that dark orange yolk and i know it just has to do with what the chickens were fed has nothing to really do with quality all i know is i see that and it brings me four dollars worth of joy but i love that for you i think there’s nothing wrong with that i’m not saying that you shouldn’t feel that way but once again you don’t have the right to feel better than me yes your food choices are moral or immoral uh-huh and if you don’t like the things that we like then you’re bad we are all just little oink oink piggies eating from the trough that’s how i feel about it i’m like i know the same it’s kind of how i feel like not let’s dive into politics um but no there’s like there’s like four there’s like four companies that own every food company like organic uh you know gluten-free soy-free meat-free sausages whatever that you think you’re buying that are good for you like they’re all just owned the what’s the oat milks owned by nestle now yes oatley and someone is it only no i don’t think it’s oatley i don’t know i know there’s another one but someone um some major change just switched blue ball no sorry this is what it is blue bottle it exclusively switched to oat milk as their default instead of dairy and everybody was like yay blue bottle good for the planet it was owned by nestle which like you know uh got sued in the what 1980s for a bunch of deaths of uh babies in third world countries i had no idea that they changed their defaults to oat milk that’s so cool point is a lot of your food choices like um aren’t predetermined yeah things are kind of gonna be bad no matter what you do so like live your life how you uh find in accordance i also think you can make smart choices like i think like trying to shop at your local grocery store instead of a big chain like things like that that may be making a difference in your community or if you can own chickens hey that’s cool you get your own eggs but also i don’t know if i’m allowed to say this on a podcast for a company i work for but capitalism is bad it’s all bad i make almost you know i mean we make no money and relatively speaking in terms of the world like what am i supposed to do sometimes i have powerless i have to buy burt’s bees chapstick sometimes and they’re now owned by olay who’s owned by coca-cola or whatever it’s all you know ben and jerry’s out there tweeting about de-escalating ukraine they’re owned by unilever you know mean so we’re all just trying our best is my point we’re all if you’re trying your best i think that’s awesome yeah and i’m happy for you and i’m also trying my best and that is that’s my log line i fully believe that like life is uh uh generally nightmarish what is it hobbs versus locke where one believes that man is inherently good the other believes that man’s inherently bad i believe that man is inherently bad and that we live short brutish lives everyone’s just trying to kill and rob each other and that you find joy where you can get it and sometimes for me that joy is eating a slice of american cheese cold straight out of the fridge i like it i’m a big believer in the hobbs versus shaw method which is the fast and furious movie i’m so glad you bought this thank you so much yeah anytime i get sad i watch the movie hobbs versus shaw from the fast and furious franchise you guys are silly i can’t honestly like this is just going to get messy but how do you guys feel about real versus fake sugar that’s my question for you guys okay this is the one thing that i feel the opposite way about i think fake sugar is bad because it tastes bad yeah i don’t think there’s a moral value on it but anytime we do a tasting that’s like like i hate paleo i think that paleo is bad i don’t know if you’re very strong so maybe you believe no no no i think i think it’s all really terrible and i think yeah and i think paleo is just atkins diet for joe rogan’s stance absolutely so so anytime we get like a paleo product that we have to taste it tastes so bad it tastes like splenda it tastes fake it’ll say no sugar but then the second ingredient is like sucralose or whatever which is like still sugar um and i just think it tastes really really bad so i’m like why are we using it it’s not good for you and it tastes bad that’s a a one-two pie yeah yeah i don’t want it fake sugar diet coke i hate dieting oh so but are you a regular coke yes me too oh i love that i don’t do diet cokes i don’t do like sugar-free desserts i don’t like that stuff i just rather you know consume sugar or honey or molasses and just have a good time yeah i think i love that i agree either you got like a really strong freudian oral fixation not anymore i used to well yeah what would you what did you do oh that’s right yes but i don’t do that anymore yes do you are you someone who just like puts things in your mouth yeah that’s like literally no like you need to constantly just be pretty i do i’m an eater i’m a nail biter things like that yeah yeah that’s why i drink about seven diet cokes a day and if i did it like if i did it with regular cokes which do i prefer the taste of regular coke of course your body tastes aspartame and just goes this is poison alert but you keep drinking it because they’re there they’re free and they’re zero calories and you have body image issues since you were a child okay and so that’s that’s where i’m coming from but also have you seen the point break remake 2015 i have yeah no so you know how okay then this is more for jordan so you know how like they’re trying to conquer the seven most extreme obstacles on earth to like effectively conquer god and reach nirvana and that’s kind of how i feel with artificial sugar like we’re trying to like beat god we’re trying to cheat guys you can’t do it and i think eventually we’re going to create an artificial sugar so good that like we’re just going to ascend to an astral plane wow and the key in this uh have you all ever had the sugar-free slurpees at the 7-eleven never no i’m exclusively a coke slurpee drinker really i mean it is a delight uh they co-branded crystal light slurpees i [ ] you not at 7-eleven and they are one of the most horrific they will also just curdle your stomach yeah because all the acid it’s not even the acid it’s it’s um sugar alcohols you ever read the harbor gummy bears oh yeah gummy bear reviews pants yeah yeah from people like eating them on planes and crap in their pants on a plane so your body can’t digest certain kinds of sugar alcohols yeah it literally processes it as like a poison um and then it just you evacuate everything and so i was stuck in traffic drinking like a mango lime crystal light slurpee chock full of xylitol um and uh yeah not a great time okay not a great other just like see when it comes to fake and real like that’s the one where i’m like okay like this fake stuff like it’s actually not good for you and it tastes bad like how jordan said like it doesn’t do anything for me we don’t know that it’s not good for you the science is sugar’s bad for you too at the same time so yeah you do because people aren’t eating sugar because they’re scared of being fat but there’s nothing wrong with being fat yeah that’s so that’s great that’s how i feel about it i’m like you’re scared of sugar because and sugar is not going to make you fat like if you have a little bit of sugar now and then if you’re enjoying sugar versus no sugar you’re not going to eat fat life lies on it’s fine if you are fat that’s also awesome it doesn’t matter your body metabolizes sugar and honey the same yes so people are like use honey instead of sugar it’s like yeah or agave yeah it’s not gonna make it yeah and a lot of agave is not fair trade so it [ ] up and it’s bad for the environment and it’s bad for workers so yeah food is just bad in general it’s bad we should stop we should stop eating we should make pills we just tan our buttholes and absorb energy through the sun stunning yes is that a real thing yeah yeah it’s science it’s called sunning and you can google it later it’s as real as homeopathy oh i gotta be careful with my work laptop the other day someone was like look these people up on wiki feet and i was like all right and my work laptop was like no wait really it’s 2 p.m are you on wikipedia i’m not and i think it’s weird because i have beautiful feet of course dude i think well i’m on wiki feet trevor’s on wikipedia well cause i posted that picture of me holding colored pencils with all my toes i’m trying to draw and that was big i took that picture you took that picture yeah yeah yeah we publish our own wiki feet yeah okay i put our feet on full blow i love that do you all have nice feet i have nice to i would show you but it’s i can’t really bend like that right now okay i’ll see him later i have ganglion cysts josh has the worst feet what is your rating on we give you like two no it’s really high but it’s like a pity rating you know it’s like seeing a really ugly dog and you’re like oh that’s so cute that he’s just like all [ ] up wow ugly dog awards of feet that’s so sad people have people that are like really into fitness i do feel like have the worst feet not to absolutely my roommate is a marathon runner i’m like he’s not gonna have feet in two years like all like even look at my head my hands are gnarled and grotesque it’s just oh that’s awful and you know what i don’t work out that much and i am soft i am so soft i am delicate i am supple i don’t like an iguana yeah i know it’s disgusting [Music] there are few better foods to eat during the summer than a nice juicy grilled piece of chicken or steak or salmon that’s right whether you have a go-to favorite or you like switching up what you’re grilling you can improve your grilling lineup this summer with butcher box the subscription service that delivers a large selection of high quality meat and seafood right to your 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butcherbox.com hot dog and use code hotdog to get one pack of free bacon in every box for the life your membership plus ten dollars off your first order that’s butcherbox.com hot dog and use code hot dog to claim this deal [Music] wait hold on back to back to real versatility and we’re talking about moralizing real cake foods uh someone said this the other day they were talking about philly cheesesteak sure and they were like we don’t eat that fake cheese whiz stuff that’s a myth about philly but if you look at the three most common cheesesteak cheeses you have cheese whiz which is in a jar it’s effectively nacho cheese for white people exclusively it’s delicious it’s delicious uh white american cheese which is also not considered cheese by the government because it contains less than 51 percent you know pure cheese blah blah blah and then you have provolone so like two of the three options you know when they’re talking about like oh we’re not eating the fake cheese with stuff we’re eating the real american pasteurized process cheese product okay it’s like why are you trying to create this gradient yes you know and the other two cheeses are more delicious than provolone provolone is the only cheese i wouldn’t eat on a cheesesteak yeah i could put provolone on a turkey sandwich at home if i’m in philly you better believe me i’m getting that fixed up absolutely give me the melty stuff yeah yeah ladle it with that cheese whiz just wrap it up in a paper let me suck the cheese off the paper oh my gosh we all got to go out one night and do it together because i love it too do you like liking the cheese off of an in-n-out wrapper in arms yeah if there’s a little bit of like the hot spread that sticks on it too you got to kind of claw the relish bit off with your front teeth sometimes you eat a little of the paper yeah we’re sick or disgusting he’s a little dangerous it’s gonna pull her you’re gonna see us at the dumpster behind him get in the papers shame on us like i am a legend what other fake foods are there that you guys are passionate about there i don’t really know i think imitation crab is very oh yes oh [ ] i think it’s religious it’s real fish i think it’s like widely popular all over the world but then sometimes places here will be like real crab and i’m like you know what yeah i don’t need it real crap is hard to eat it’s hard to get out there’s always shell there’s always there’s always shell there’s always i go to kazunori and i get a wrap of one of those little even the nice places they’re shell there’s shell and i’m like this would have never happened if i just made a california roll absolutely yeah that’s a good one that’s a good one uh and it’s really popular in like mexican sushi as well which i really love i think i think imitation crab like democratized sushi in a way that makes sense you know what i mean in places that like especially you know don’t eat like a lot of raw fish it’s like you go to like a sinaloa and style sushi spot and everything’s gonna have like raw crab mayonnaise philadelphia cream cheese and carne asada in it and i think that is like a delight like and also whenever people talk about how they don’t you know gas station sushi will get you sick blah blah no gas station you go to is gonna have like raw tuna what they are gonna have are california rolls which that stuff is just fish that has been grounded and pounded and packed in sugar and salt it’s more preserved than damn near anything else you’re gonna get than the apple that’s next to the cash wrap yeah exactly yeah i love pavilion sushi side note i had some yesterday and it was delicious what kind what did i you know david my husband just gets it and i just kind of eat it i love that literally i’m driving and he feeds it to me i love that that’s beautiful it’s really embarrassing but that’s true uh yeah i don’t know i just love it’s surimi right that’s what it’s called yeah yeah yeah connie i think uh elsewhere too like the imitation crab have you heard what people do now on tick tock they’re unwrapping it and then they’re frying it into little crunchy bits yeah delicious yeah with real crab it’s so true i don’t know if this necessarily falls into the fake versus real food debate but um in terms of just like accepting that some things are quote unquote processed and leaving them be ketchup places that home make their own ketchup ew have you ever have you ever had a house made ketchup that can touch the real thing no and i like house made ketchup like sometimes i have it i say oh this is good it’s more like a chutney than yeah than a real ketchup nothing beats a heinz which i’m like cover my body in it like it’s just so good it’s like perfect yeah it’s like the perfect condiment can i also say that i am infatuated with fake meat products oh my parents don’t eat meat so i grew up eating kind of the worst of the worst fake meat like tofurkey the old morning star farms burgers that were just kind of like a pock of couch foam and it’s gotten so much better but even the old stuff i still love i think it tastes so good it’s so easy to cook i like fake meat i love it i think it’s delicious how do you feel about like beyond versus impossible like do you do you cook that stuff at home i do yeah i cook both at home i think they’re shockingly similar unless either one wants to sponsor me then i like that one better but um yeah i think that they’re they’re really similar i think it tastes similar to real meat i think it’s easier to cook with yeah for people who aren’t comfortable with or accustomed to cooking meat i think it’s a great option um i don’t know what its global ecological footprint will look like yeah that’s that’s a whole big which i know is the whole big question so so i i don’t know about that but just in terms of taste and pure personal enjoyment i’m there for it impossible meat’s delicious whatever kind of evil laboratory they’re making that out of i am obsessed with it absolutely there’s some foods that are like so processed like i’m fascinated with the numbers on uh chicken processing since world war ii so there’s a thing where like 60 of chickens used to be sold whole to the stores before world war ii you’d go to the store you’d buy a chicken if you wanted the individual parts you’d break it down yourself and then after that you see a sliding scale to now less than like eight percent of chickens are sold whole wow and then over 50 percent just go straight into processing and manufacturing and then the rest is just butchered for consumption so now we have so many like tyson any tizer boneless wing whatevers we have all these chicken nuggets you got dino nuggets you got all this type of stuff uh being manufactured into dog food and all that stuff so so much of our food is like processed to the point where you don’t recognize it as like animal flesh which i guess is dystopian in its own way but also i love hot dogs and so i’m fine with it so when you make a veggie equivalent of it i don’t notice the difference between a vegan hot dog and like if it was maybe like an all beef abels and heyman which is i think my favorite hot dog i noticed the difference that is a good hot dog but if you’re eating like a you know bar s turkey chicken pork mutant frank which i hate it might as well be vegan yeah yeah you know yeah chicken nuggets you could put a little spices in it nobody notices a difference yes the impossible chicken nuggets taste exactly like real chicken nuggets i haven’t tried those yet they’re so good they sell them at trader joe’s for pretty cheap and they’re really good love trader joe’s well and panda express had the uh impossible i didn’t get to try it they only had it at the pasadena one yeah it was really good yeah i mean it’s you you deep fry something you cover it in a delicious sugary sauce which by the way i don’t know if orange chicken sauce has any real orange in it i don’t think so either the ingredients on the speaking of imitation versus real the ingredients on the bottle i think it says like orange essence which i don’t know if that’s just i don’t think that’s way lower it’s just really low on the ingredients a couple drops of like the zest oil yeah yeah yeah um how do y’all feel about uh juice first drink yeah a glass of grape juice and a glass of purple drink in front of me which one do you reach for oh it’s juice i thought you don’t like juice i don’t but you really don’t like drinking if i have the two in front of me i’m gonna go with juice i don’t think when you say drink i’m i’m hearing soda um but i think that’s wrong have you had tampico like uh like the sunny d you know what’s happening you know what i’ll say i’ll i take juice once again not because i morally think it’s better but because i don’t like i want full flavor and i think things like a gatorade like a sunny d to me taste like they’re 50 water so it’s not doing enough for me and also i hot take love water i like just straight up nature’s water i don’t like seltzer i just like normal what’s your favorite water brand well this is also sick from my sink i don’t have i don’t have a strawberry i don’t have a strong water allegiance oh that’s good i just drink water from the sink like a little dog and you don’t put in a cup you just go like i do i suck it right out of the faucet and i think it tastes i think it tastes delicious okay good i never forget when i i moved to l.a yeah i don’t drink well i drink a lot of water at home but i i carbonate it i have a soda stream and i just run through those carbonation things oh i burp so often it is just nightmarish uh nicole’s laughing because she knows it’s true uh but no i drink stink water too and when i first moved to l.a i had these two italian roommates that i got off craigslist and i’ll never forget one is going uh josh is the water here potable and i was like what he’s like is it potable i can drink the water and i was like dude yeah and he’s like no way and i didn’t realize that’s like a thing that i mean a lot of countries yeah a lot of countries i mean parts of america of course yeah um you know can’t do that la great tap water come here for the tap water stay for [ ] your pants in traffic after drinking a sugar-free slurpee absolutely those people did sound like they were from transylvania yeah i roll my own cigarettes while driving my jeep cherokee with two hands so i cannot turn the wheel yeah they sound like grew from despicable me oh man well what did we learn today ladies and germs it’s like us really yeah are we facing are we real fake some are real if like my daddy always said i was hoping someone would finish it oh if i can touch them real gross [Music] josh and jordan we’ve heard what you and i have to say now it’s time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling around out there in the twitterverse it’s time for a segment we like to call opinions i like casseroles [Music] so casserole rhymes with [ ] it’s a slant rhyme it’s a slant ryan shakespeare did it okay yeah so that’s that’s where it comes from and hey as many of you know rhett and link have spent over a decade tasting rating and ranking everything from the world’s most expensive desserts to 40 year old ham and eggs and thanks to that they now have a tv show called inside eats with rhett and link that’s right this sunday is the cheesecake factory episode where the guys try to order everything on the menu and decorate cheesecakes or try to because they’re not very good it’ll be wacky time be sure to watch inside eats with rhett and link this sunday at 10 30 p.m on food network and for even more bonus footage check it out on discovery plus discovery plus man i you know why i you know why i bought discovery plus yeah i bought it not for rhett and link though i am actually excited to watch that and you and i are in one of the episodes oh we can make ice cream that was a really fun time i got to see this is just free promo for discovery plus but they hooked me so hard uh robert irvine has a show where he saves restaurants against john taffy yeah i know i know and so it’s who can save the restaurant the hardest and they compete they took like these what should be altruistic concepts even though of course we know it’s like what happens to the restaurant six months later you know all is up in the air um but they took like a somewhat altruistic concept that’s normally supposed to be very feel goody and they’re like all right now battle and i love that and that hooked me so hard uh two juggernauts in the industry love it there’s so much yelling a good show wow i got it because they have all of the 90 day fiance content oh i watch it all on youtube in little snippets oh i love that i simply don’t have the patience for it so i made my girlfriend buy me discovery plus oh that’s so sweet i’m a little princess um one of the people on 90 day fiance was my shotput coach in high school uh samoa the one that’s married to the simone guy that was that came to the that came to the airport and did the samoan dance and she got embarrassed she was your shot put coach yeah right no her uh but she and her brother kenetti who i don’t believe has ever been on the show um yeah they all went to my school she was my my coach my senior year my mouth is a gape i love them they’re one of my favorite couples on the show they’re so sweet oh they are they’re just like the nicest people in the world uh fantastic shot putting discus throwers too uh good empathy kalani and kalini if you’re listening to this uh i’m on the show yeah i love it connect you too even though i beat connecti’s junior year shot put record bye-bye um anywho first up we got at burling mike are vinegar-based hot sauces technically vinaigrettes how do you feel jordan i’m gonna say no because i think a vinaigrette needs to have an oil component and in my mind the sauces i think of like that i grew up eating like crystal in louisiana don’t have an oil component um i sometimes put hot sauce on my greens when i eat them a vinaigrette i guess i mean it’s a salad it’s a dressing not all vinaigrettes i’m all vinaigrettes are salad dressings but all salad dressings or vinaigrettes vinegars meat vinaigrette means different things in different cultures too you eat a lot of brazilian uh food vinaigrette is just their name for the vinegary um kind of it’s like a pico de gallo that comes with the meats that’s called vinegar or vinaigrette and so it kind of means a lot of different things if you’re talking about french vinaigrette i don’t think a hot sauce could qualify because i think it needs uh an oil but i think i do think it’s fascinating that like mustard is hot sauce sure there’s like a spice component to mustards and it’s simply mixed with vinegar and salt same as a louisiana hot sauce i think mustard is a hot sauce yeah i would agree with that i think it has a strong flavor you add it to stuff to like bump up the taste i love mine and that might be the whitest thing i’ve ever said mustard is hot sauce yeah you guys spicy you guys take spoonfuls hot dogs are spicy all right kate the unfunny says limp bacon is best bacon i’m okay with crunchy slash slightly crunchy bacon when it’s in a burger or a sandwich i disagree i didn’t grow up eating bacon i so i’ve had other loose limp foods whereas i think nothing crisps up like bacon so i want my bacon to be like glass ooh i love a nice soft bacon i like my bacon i lift it and then it weeps to the side yeah that’s my favorite bacon yeah like like a willow in the breeze i want my bacon to sweat very poetic thank you uh we were talking about turkey bacon i was actually talking to justine editor-in-chief of sport checkout sport.com about turkey bacon the other day and then i sometimes crave it because i grew up in a no pork household and so i grew up eating a lot of turkey bacon um and like you can’t get that crispy unless you’re like deep frying it for a long time or like putting it in the oven or putting in the oven letting it dehydrate but then it’s turning into jerky you’re not getting like a crispy bacon yeah and so i kind of appreciate that certain floppy meaty quality of it yeah but it took me a while to get to the point where i like the glassy pure crunchy bacon that you’re talking about but now i really do yeah i like my thick bacon to be crunchier and my thinner bacon to be fluffy interesting and then like like thick ass like the ones you get from the restaurants give me that that’s just like anxious in the middle wow love it all right at galaxy night 18 the hole on top of the hot sauce bottle should be all the same size sometimes it’s a generous dollop and sometimes it’s only a tiny little drop i don’t care if it’s for my protection so let me burn my mouth off if i want to i love that i totally agree i think everything should be more regulation inside whether it’s like women’s pants or if the size of hot sauce lives like i think we need to standardize everything so i know what’s going on that’s very soviet of you like that that was a very interview which i respect a lot there’s um weird side tangent there’s this brand of ice cream called moloko okay which is the i believe in russian for milk um and the soviets had incredibly uh strict standards for what constituted ice cream started cuba yeah that’s like a big you know standardizing everything is a big uh you know communist thing and uh and like that’s the like um mendeleev i believe standardize what vodka is which is why vodka can be made out of damn near any grains he’s like it just must be this per this percent you know ether or this percent whatever no it doesn’t have to be potatoes i mean it can be made out of potatoes yeah it can be made out of like whatever um so anyways i’m like obsessed with that concept um but that said hot sauce you just take off the the rubber thing you take off the stopper that’s what i do with all my bottles yeah you take you do you remove the little like freshness tab and then you take a fork and you just pop it off and then unsuspecting people like nicole go to get tapatio in the work fridge and a whole mess that dumps out but that’s on you is it on me yes to protect my own uh faith in myself yes all right mad dolls battering french fries is a sin against axo mama incan potato god but tiger sauce is the ultimate fried dipping sauce sometimes a battered french fry does good things like a curly fries yes i’m sorry if i’m disrespecting your ink and potato god but like whatever it’s good yeah don’t tell me what to do with a potato it’s all good and i want it in every variation i love potatoes yeah big potato fan uh this tiger sauce i just googled it it’s kind of like a uh hoisinni teriyaki sauce but it’s more vinegary and there’s more pepper to it it’s almost like god tiger sauce is so tough to explain it’s very sweet it’s almost like a combination of let’s say like eastern carolina the vinegar chili okay yeah and like a1 oh it’s it’s it’s a trip i think i’ve had it before i don’t know why it exists what exactly it is it’s a little bit wise to sheery um it’s too thin for fries if but if you like like malt vinegar on fries you you probably like tiger sauce i do like malfunctioning well sweet little spices i’m sure it’s good but i’m like mix it with some mayonnaise and then we’re gonna add fry sauce oh yeah uh i have come to appreciate speaking of uh the incans um boiled potatoes more as i aged in life yeah they’re good yeah dude because i made like um like one kaina the the peruvian sausage they typically served on boiled potatoes and i was like dude let’s put that on fries and i made fries and i was like this is better on boiled potatoes yeah well batteries are great i grew up doing crawfish boils and my favorite part was always the boiled potato that came out of the crawfish bowl so it soaks the essence oh so good so good i want some shellfish adjacent corn right now you’re nuts oh i like this one at stormbreaker when ice cream’s too hard from being in the freezer it’s better to eat it with a fork than with a spoon a fork can pierce the tough ice cream easier if it’s too frozen to melt you can drag it along the surface to make soft curls this is actually a really strong opinion that justine editor-in-chief of sport checkout sport.com has about ice cream she eats all her ice cream with a fork i actually don’t have big feelings about this i would eat ice cream with a fork a spoon chopsticks whatever i’m kind of just like i’ll eat it i’ll eat it whatever i don’t feel strongly at what temperature do you like will you eat it rock hard out the freezer no i won’t i have very bad weird teeth same wait remember the soft teeth club i think so well what i’ll tell you is half my teeth are fake my entire top row of teeth so um yes i’m afraid of anything that’s like too cold too crunchy whatever i i enter with caution so at leisure i’m having soft-serve best-case scenarios oh soft-serve is so good yeah so that’s my preferred preferred i feel like i my fiance and i cannot eat ice cream together because she’ll eat a rock hard straight out of the freezer and just dig and dig and dig at it with a spoon whereas i will microwave it for 12 seconds yeah you know and then you get this little melted on the outside that you scoop out eat your way to the middle um so the way that we do it is she takes a pint out of the freezer and then she enjoys it for 10 minutes passes it to me i let it sit on the coffee table for another 10 and then eat it i like my ice cream to be a little bit melty on the top i think it’s the best way to taste everything when it’s cold like that was like hard freezer like cold like that you don’t taste all the nuances of the ice cream yeah and honey i’m eating jenny’s ice cream i want to taste the salted peanut butter and i want to eat the fudge flakes yeah you know what i mean i will say a plea for more fancy boy soft serve ice creams fancy voice officer absolutely yeah right i want i want fancy dips i want like a dip cone you know we got the shell on it no i’m a fancy i want like uh messy i don’t know like a salted malted corn ice cream you know dipped in like uh orange blossom you know uh shell you guys like frozen custard yes no yeah he sucks i’m shocked i feel like we align with a lot of things we do so you have soft teeth i have soft teeth yes yes that’s about it but too too thick for you it’s too thick it’s um here’s what it is it’s it’s warm i want to go down it’s not cold enough because i’m sorry what you want to go down down in town custard nicole you can go down on whomever you want dude this is what i mean we’re just we’re living embarrassing we use the term analingus in the podcast for the first time okay and then how did it go i don’t know how it went over but we did it again it’s a scientific word sure as long as all parties are into it um yeah the custard is too thick so it melts warm there’s too much fat in it that’s what i don’t like i see what you’re saying but i eat it so fast it’s not melting i like it it’s it’s it’s just like soft serve but thicker it’s soft on my teeth it’s sexier yeah i really like it and what i’ll tell you is every place that does frozen custard they give me like good mix-ins when you ask for them and that’s what i want i can’t do some of these brands that are fancy that are like we do chocolate sparkle or what i’m like no give me a chunk give me a big big thing yeah give me a big thing i will eat frozen custard if it’s layered in a bright blue rita’s water ice oh delicious and there’s a rita’s water ice in walking distance from my apartment nobody try and triangulate that because you’ll find out where i live we’ll talk about this after because i gotta talk about it yeah i grew up with rita’s but i grew up in florida so it was italian ice not water ice ah family’s from philly so i always grew up calling why are you guys water ice it’s water ice it’s the philadelphia accent they say water water water we just water rice say it nicole say it sad water rice are you guys happy okay juicy juice says best way to eat coated foods eclairs donuts waffles is topping site down so it hits your tongue first game changer now to figure out how to eat pizza cheese and sauce down you just do it it’s it’s much more difficult to eat waffles upside down than eat pizza upside down yeah just trying to think of like i have an eclair okay it’s very funny to me because an eclair is not like a flavor sensation in my mouth typically you know what i mean like spicy food i’ll do like hot sauce down so it hits my tongue first or something or you know but at eclair i’m like what’s hitting your tongue solidified chocolate shell yeah but i’d do it why not i’m trying to think when i eat a burrito i’ll like sauce each bite yeah absolutely sure but when i go in i like i like press my tongue against the sauce first i like explore with my tongue and then envelop with the mouth wow yeah that’s good you call any kidney comments no i just know you and i’m used to it so it’s fine oh on that note thank you for listening to a hot dog is a sandwich if you want to hear more from us here in the mythical kitchen we got new episodes for you every wednesday if you want to be featured on opinions or like casseroles you can hit us up on twitter at mythicalchef or and handyzoda with a hashtag opinion casserole and for more mythical kitchen check us out on youtube where we launch new videos every week what what’s the name of our show because i was saying i was trying to fit a sports plug in jordan tell them where they can find you you can find me at sport.com and also all over the internet you can follow me on social media or just look at our website or you know we’re on tick tock we’re on instagram we’re on twitter we want you to look at us yeah look at yours look at jordan and friends and of course if you want to share pictures of your dishes hit us up on instagram at mythical kitchen we’ll see you next time you guys want to compare feet yes oh yes perfect these dogs are a barking [Music]