ramble hey before we get into today’s episode we want to tell you about good mythical evening for one night only we are bringing you good mythical evening streaming exclusively on moment house get your ticket for a most indecent sloshy and random show that takes our classic good mythical morning favorites and torches the rulebook the show is live september 1st to jumpstart the labor day weekend tickets are on sale right now at goodmythicalevening.com close your eyes and imagine this you got bread tomatoes thinly sliced meats and cheese now open your eyes was it a sandwich or a pizza trick question the doctor was the boy’s mother this is a hot dog as a sandwich ketchup is a smoothie yeah i put ice in my cereal so what that makes no sense hot dog is a sandwich a hot dog is a sandwich how do you guys get it are you proud of yourself you guys get it the doctor is the boy’s brother i got it no one’s gonna get it welcome to our podcast of hot dogs is a sandwich the show where we break down the world’s biggest food debates i’m your host josh cher and i’m your host nicole inaiyeti and today we are very happy to be joined by dennis lee dennis is the world’s best food writer and former pizza maker based in chicago he’s a staff writer at the takeout and is written for the av club serious eats and thrillist he’s a former pizzaiolo i already said that and writes the hilarious sub stack food is stupid dennis welcome hi how’s it going so you agree i agree you’re the world’s best food writer uh yeah i agree but that’s only because i’m the one who made that up um sort of like michael jackson and the king of pop you know i was just like did he make that up making your own no he no no that was from the british royal family he got literally knighted as the king of pop and they put a little crown on him wow so did i just make that up i just made this up so well i no i am the greatest food writer in all of history that’s that’s all that’s how that’s how we’ll put it i may or may not have stated that myself and i don’t think anybody else in the world has ever said that but i can keep saying it i’ll say that right now because me too you’re the best food writer ever honestly we’re like kindred spirits because i was reading your stuff back when you wrote a blog called the pizzle yeah um which for anybody doesn’t know that that is the edible term for an animal uh phallus phallus we can say it’s a family show kids uh but no you did a bunch of really interesting stuff with food and i mean this very genuinely like i remember you made uh frozen yogurt out of pepto-bismol yeah uh and then you topped it with the fiber fiber crumble and a kayo peck date whipped cream you did a charcuterie board out of dog food that you called a bark cootery board wow i can’t tell if you’re genuinely saying wow no i’m so impressed dennis have you seen what we do for our jobs oh yeah we watch like every day it’s like the same thing uh but you also have a deep expertise in pizza can you tell me how you ended up on your pizza making journey so i got fired from a really good job i think they had just hired a lot of extra people that’s what i like to think was i got fired and i needed to find something to do and i had been living off unemployment for way too long and so my friend derek uh who is the owner of poly g’s in logan square here in chicago he was just like i’m opening this restaurant do you want to come make pizza and around then i was in my mid-30s and i was just like all right me starting a line cook job now this is ridiculous this is not not a good way for me to live but then i finally decided okay i’ll cook for a little bit you know i gotta tide myself over for a while and then i ended up staying for five years so that was just i learned i learned how to make pizza the hard way not not like from a young young dude who just like you know gets put in the kitchen i just like was just like oh i need something to do all right i’ll make pizza and then i stuck around for like way longer than i thought i was gonna but it was it was your second act it was your how stella got her groove back that’s amazing though i think that’s awesome i think it’s cool i mean when you say it’s my second act does that mean i’m gonna die tomorrow i mean how many actions you’re gonna die if so this podcast is gonna get way more numbers yeah we’ll do like an in memoriam yeah you know we’ll dedicate we’ll do a slideshow let’s do it now we’ll donate it to a charity that we said you loved even though we we didn’t know anything about the charities we’re like dennis loved peta i here’s 400 dollars to peta because that sounds like pizza anyway speaking of pizza let’s get down to brass tacks this is what we are here to discuss today dennis you are a smart philosophical man me and nicole are obviously smart philosophical men uh and the reason why what i used it like non-gendered um anyways we’re gonna discuss this is a question that we have gotten a lot uh people tweeted us people send it to our instagram dm so comment on my wiki feed they say is pizza an open-faced sandwich what say you i’m gonna say no because i i had thought about this see guys the way podcasts work is you get asked this question before you go on the podcast yes but i need to surprise him with another question yeah just make something up is rice pudding risotto oh that’s a really good question i think that is hell yeah technically yeah well good news we solved that one all right back to pizza well then i’ll do that one too because you already asked me but um so i think with pizza being a sandwich i don’t think it’s a sandwich because when you do an open face sandwich you’ve got a piece of bread and then you’re filling and that’s that’s what you have in it if you have more more filling and more bread on top that’s then it’s a complete sandwich and not an open face sandwich but ah so a calzone a calzone is a sandwich then no calzone’s a dumpling oh okay okay sorry back to pizza back pizza gotcha journalism if you put two pizzas on top of each other you don’t call them a sandwich i mean maybe it’s like an open-faced quesadilla right two pizzas on top of each other well hold on i mean would that not be a sandwich what would you classify two pizzas on top of each other i know nicole’s gonna say molita no i wasn’t cause that’s true i was gonna say sandwich but do you think it is a sandwich two pizzas on top of each other two pizzas on top of each other as a sandwich one slice of pizza is not an open face sandwich why come i don’t know okay so like let’s just say you’re you’re at a so you are at a jewish deli okay and you have you know how they bring out like the locks on two bagels yeah and then you close it i don’t close it you close it i close pointed contention i close yes yes dennis do you sandwich your bagels say you get bagels and locks with a little bit of schmear on it do you close it or do you eat it open face uh i you know what so if i’m sitting down to eat it at a restaurant i’ll eat it open face because that’s how it comes to you right but if i get it get it to go they always put it in a sandwich don’t they yeah but then i re-split it you re-split it yeah i re-split it if they serve it to me in a sandwich i re-split it and then i kind of finger the ingredients to where i want them to go because the onions and the tomatoes will be making you do the same wrong with you i re-split it i refuse to eat it closed it should not have that amount of bread chew on both sides bagels are an open-faced sandwich no but i i realize we’re recording this on a podcast but i want everybody to know i’m about to walk out like [Laughter] do it just leave keep the camera rolling so we know that you’re spitting us i’m sorry no two pizzas on top of each other that’s a sandwich but that’s like saying if i remove the top layer of a bread of like a turkey sandwich it’s an open face sandwich it’s not it’s it’s an uncomplete it’s an incomplete sandwich here’s the thing we’re we’re talking about i i might agree with you i might agree with you i think it might depend if it’s just a cheese pizza that has been flipped on top of itself then do you have a cheese sandwich is it a grilled cheese i don’t know but back to the original question of just a plain pizza is that an open face sandwich this one is tough because one when talking about whether things are or aren’t sandwiches that is a whole different category than an open face sandwich because an open-faced sandwich by definition is not a sandwich it is not a sandwich what is it toast it’s an open-faced sandwich it is its own species we use the phrase open faced as like an intentional negator of sandwich hood right so it’s like if you say that’s a forged check is it still a check i mean it still you know looks like a check but it has the opposite utility an open face sandwich almost has the opposite utility of a sandwich because the point of a sandwich right going back to the mythos of it is the you know the the a-hole who’s trying to play cards and didn’t want to get his hands dirty so he had his manservant put meat between bread earl of santa cruz girl of sandwich that piece of crap i would have stolen that guy’s money that was his man servant you ever been to the planet hollywood they have the best sort of sandwich i’ve ever been to i’ll say i had some good meals at planet hollywood they got this like creole fried shrimp with the little mustard sauce have you had that i love playing it at home okay say creole fried shrimp again because i feel like you made an accent i heard like a shrimp open a creole creole fresh shrimp that’s all you gotta say when i go to the bubba gump shrimp company i just go y’all got shrimp potatoes shrimp salad shrimp stew and they’re like sir you’re eating at a bubba gump alone i’m like and you’re the fifth person to do this to us today [Laughter] anyway so the point is i’m not arguing pizza is any sort of sandwich i’m arguing it’s an open face sandwich which intentionally means that it is not a sandwich it’s toast and i’ll say i’ll say sure pizza is an open-faced sandwich why not you got bread on the bottom right it’s a yeasted dough just like bread that has some amount of toppings on it uh or a smora broad if we want to use the nordic term let’s not say open face sandwich let’s say semora bro now you won’t confuse it with a sandwich because it is not pizza is more abroad any questions you like i knocked that one out of the park just want to say do you eat an open-faced sandwich by holding it with your hands or do you do it with a knife and fork so i refuse to eat open-faced sandwiches as they are intended and i fold them into a taco oh not a taco but you know what i mean i fold them in on themselves like a collapsible star yes you don’t like hold it and just go home no how do how do you eat open face sandwiches uh well if it depends so if i can actually hold it then i probably will but a lot of open-faced sandwiches have a bunch of stuff just piled on top so i don’t think they’re really made for you to pick up and eat you know i’ll so what i’ll end up doing is probably using i’ll use a fork and knife and probably do it that way especially if it’s got like cheese and all sorts of stuff on top like that’s just gonna come off or like get stuck in my face or my terrible mustache oh man it’s it’s a it’s special yeah it looks like you just got some dirt on your upper lip from this angle you’re such a bully you have a nice mustache don’t listen tim you have a nice beautiful man mustache yeah handsome young man i’m older than you pizza pizza is eaten with a knife and fork in the correct context neapolitan pizza neopot and pizza you’re supposed to dig out the wet center with a knife and fork they say that at 800 degrees nepal and pizzeria people say we make too many specific la references and no because they franchise to miami and i think dwyane wade owns one of them and but then they like pivoted to a rotisserie point is you’re supposed to eat like neapolitan pizzas too wet in the center to really pick up and eat and so some people they dig in with a knife and fork it’s like a traditional italian thing so i’m saying the method in which you eat an open-faced sandwich which is to say by choice is the method in which you eat certain pizzas so they share a similar utility as well as a similar architecture i mean i guess kind of you remember the last open face sandwich i watched you eat no i was gonna say the last one um it was at lancers deli which is in bourbon lancers deli in burbank california the average age of the diner there is about let’s say 97 to 104 years old and they also have a fantastic cocktail bar where you can order expired miller lights for three dollars uh but we went there for lunch one day and you got the open-faced roast beef sandwich oh my god what a monstrosity it was a single slice of white bread doused in like a packet of brown gravy and then just wet lunch meat that was the worst thing i’ve eaten in a long time it’s good i did not love it it was good the bread just softened it up it’s not good but do you remember you didn’t eat it because you couldn’t figure out eat it do you remember how i ate the rest of your sandwich tell me i took the bread like a claw like you do with thai sticky rice or like a roti you know with sub g and then i scooped up the gravy with the bread and shoved it in my gullet so what does that make that sandwich then is it a pizza now monster you’re a monster [Music] when it comes to your journey hyundai is thinking of every mile that’s where the new 2023 hyundai palisade comes in the palisade offers all the technology safety features and comfort a family needs for the journey ahead and boy does it really have so many tech safety and comfort features stay connected with the palisades wi-fi hotspot capabilities so you can keep the kids entertained on a long car ride or help a friend work on the go if you want to start that weekend trip early and if you’ve ever been clipped or had a mishap or you opened the door into a vehicle behind you the class exclusive safe exit assist the hyundai palisade has is a lifesaver it prevents the rear doors from opening if the vehicle detects traffic approaching from behind the palisade also has available third row heated power folding seats which is perfect for people who run cold and it can fit up to eight passengers comfortably taking this car with this much capacity would be a huge asset on that next group cabin you can say that again nicole it’s your journey learn more at hyundai usa.com safe exit assist is not a substitute for driver passenger attentiveness always be aware of your surroundings and attentive of approaching vehicles [Music] okay but like what what really differentiates a pizza from an open face sandwich what are the key differences key similarities here i didn’t think this far ahead okay but i mean there is you make dough specifically for a pizza it’s just for the pizza like you because multiple kinds of pizza here’s the thing you also cook it all together you cook the yeah that’s the main part yeah that’s right yeah you cook the dough raw and then you have the ingredients on top also raw more for the function of the pizza and then you cook the whole thing and eat it that way so you don’t do that with a sandwich like a raw sandwich you don’t do that with a sandwich we’ve reached the impasse this is the this is the impasse this is the crucial point right so we’ve established i agree with you on that so you establish that pizzas are dough cooked from raw with the ingredients on top sandwich is a cooked dough product which we can call bread with stuff uh on top it stuff like that so you’re arguing that any pizza that’s thrown in the oven with the dough already cooked before toppings are applied is no longer a pizza but rather an open face sandwich if that is the one difference you agree on then you must agree that any so say um there’s a spot that does detroit style pie in los angeles that cooks their dough and then adds toppings and then finishes it in the oven you’re saying that they are not making a pizza but rather an open paste sandwich or bubbly pizza crust any home cook out there he was using buboli pre-made crust dennis they’re a single mom they don’t got the time you know but they want to make the kids something nice and fresh and so they buy the baboli pizza crust i’m going to make a pizza for my child my beautiful screaming child gwynevere is their name for the sake of the story gwenevere’s screaming she wants pizza you want to make something from scratch you put it on a bubbly pre-cooked crust throw in the oven you’re saying that that single mom didn’t make screaming guanova or pizza but rather an open-faced sandwich you monster i didn’t say that no now i’m like you got me twisted around my own brain you didn’t have to okay welcome to the podcast so we’re going to the original food we’re going to the so this is just a variation on pizza then you know i know the pre-made crust so it’s still pizza like but then how do you differentiate that from an open-faced sandwich if you said also i gotta call out the comment that said that i like it was a four-star review on apple podcast which is fine we’ll take four stars um that said i like the podcast but it feels like josh is just gaslighting nicole he does that all the time aside from the podcast that’s my no i don’t come on we’ll talk about it later you’re not crazy you just don’t think it’s like a later joke you have agency and can you know um anyways so then if we if we say that a pizza can start with a pre-cooked crust then what separates it from an open-faced sandwich right that’s where i get hung up on that’s where i get hung up on this debate because i would be fine eating my words and i’ve had two before on the podcast and if i say that pizza is uncooked dough in the oven with the toppings that’s fine then i have to say that poor single mother making a baboli pizza she’s making a she’s making s’more broad what’s her name making an open face sandwich what’s her name i feel like i feel like we should kelly clarkson janice janice jackson people confuse her for janet jackson all the time and she goes no janice with an s it’s also spelled with an s j-a-n-u-s jackson genius no it’s true she gets this all the time nicole it’s janice she gets this all the time i don’t understand we have to respect her like cece you know like cece you know it’s penis and i know cece penicillin yeah who’s cece peniston uh i believe she’s saying finally yes am i correct yes i believe so also when you say panasonic is it spelled like yeah it’s spelled yeah i didn’t get the joke i thought you were just admiring her work okay guys let’s stop getting these tangents are getting gas stop disrespecting single moms out here we out of hot dogs black today respect single mothers reel it in boys you’re the real superheroes reel it in not marvel i don’t care how many movies all i think all marvel if all marvel movies were made about single mothers nicole uh-huh imagine what society could be i’ve never seen a marvel film what really like one why would i watch actually you know what honestly you’re not missing anything um thank you that’s what i do yeah i thought you like now in retrospect it’s all you’re missing is people talking about marvel movies and those conversations are actually not really that they’re not that yeah i don’t care for that kind of social like currency honestly it doesn’t add anything to my life to talk about like superheroes i’m so sorry i think the men have pretty bodies they all have very handsome bodies in it chris evans such a handsome body in america captain america hemsworth handsome body and thor uh anthony mackie is his body is pretty nice is he a pizza is he is he what is he an open-faced pizza wait is that back it’s anthony back to the topic at hand all right so is there a world in which there is a pizza that is made with pre-cooked crust we’ve agreed that there is sure yes okay then why would that not be considered an open-faced sandwich is it because you’re putting it in the oven to melt everything together because then that’s an open-faced melt right that’s like a kentucky hot brown i hate saying this also there’s a sandwich called a kentucky hot brown yeah i think that’s the worst name for a sandwich ever like hot brown that’s a hot name brown just if i walked in the office and said i just made a hot brown what would you think i made a sandwich or a dookie brownies brownie what kind of pants brownies freshly molt i don’t like pants brownies i don’t like pants brownies that means trouble honestly guys i’m just gonna tell you it has to do with the intent it’s the intent of the person cooking at the end of the day i always say that because it’s true it’s the intention of the person and what they’re making if they’re taking two boboli crusts and they’re filling it with soap rosata and like you know lettuce tomatoes janice has the budget for self-resonance janice janice janus she’s trying her best she’s using hormonal peppermint she’s trying to peroni i’m sorry i was thinking maybe she you know she wanted the best for her kids but she if she uses that and then she cuts that into a slice and she feeds it to her kids that’s a sandwich okay but if she takes the bubbly crust puts cheese on it puts marinara nut in it puts it in the toaster oven cooks it that’s a pizza it’s not an open face sandwich but if she takes the crust the bubbly crust she melts the cheese on it she takes that out of the oven she puts the meat the lettuce and the tomato on and then she feeds it to her kid then it’s an open face sandwich because the intent you ever had a pizza salad i was just no hold on no you’re talking about salad pizza not pizza salad oh yeah yeah dennis you ever made salad pizza um we had pizzas at the restaurant that had a lot of arugula and you know post post oven toppings like cold ones and i don’t know if i would call them a salad pizza but some people would say that those were salad pizzas you know that’s a salad pizza if i ever seen a salad pizza internally that made me hurt because i was like i was just like this is a pizza this is not a salad pizza i am i didn’t put a caesar salad on top of your pizza that i slaved away from jamaican food at abbott’s in los angeles they put a caesar salad on top of your pizza and it’s a delight it’s like an avocado tomato salad is it kale too it’s amazing every day after a santa monica college go community college i would have a slice of this for a job well done and i don’t know is this a pizza still is this that’s a good question or is this an open face sandwich that is a tartine so uh dennis can you see can you see exhibit a the photo of the salad pizza uh sort of i can describe it it’s a mound of salad on a pizza i mean truly is that a pizza or an open-faced sandwich that’s just two meals stacked it’s just someone who’s in a hurry yes i got this is one of those foods that has the dumbest origin story like every origin story out there is like the french dip like a a police officer named officer french walked in and said i got a criminal on the run just drop my sandwich in the juice and let me go and you’re like that makes no sense how did that happen that’s the same with the salad pizza someone came in they’re like i don’t got time to eat the salad throw it on the pizza fat joe the rapper fat joe was in there yeah yeah fat joe founded uh abbotts in santa monica the point is it is it is an honest to god just baked pizza raw dough and then you top it with a cold salad to me it ceases to be pizza once you do that because you have now topped it with so many things that that becomes equally representative of the whole as the pizza base did now you’re eating a smaller broad or an open face sandwich so whereas once it was a pizza with one fell swoop the hand nicole one flick of the wrist dennis it has become an open open-faced sandwich thus we see how fickle the nature is was that supposed to be like finishing stroke i thought i felt like honestly supposed to be some kind of master stroke and then nicole and i are just sitting here going like what is he saying are you not amazed you’re still like we did not hit no you know what i was trying to go morpheus and then i was like is it see how deep the rabbit hole goes or something follows the white rabbit and then rob zombies playing at the club and then you ask your dad for a rob zombie album and he’s like he’s he worships the devil his last name is his name is zombie no you’re not you’re a child you’re impressionable he seems to worship the devil no you’re not gonna have this um anyways open face sandwich are you asking me you ask me what i think yeah were any of my arguments convincing that a pizza is indeed an open-faced sandwich i’ll talk about the idea of intent okay i never respond to the idea of intent um how many restaurants have you been where uh they have a flat bread on the menu and then you order that and it’s a bad pizza countless wow countless times lots dude but they’re still things we still call them we still call those pizza oh but they didn’t call them pizza so they’re intense that’s their fault their intent nicole said intent matters and so if they’re calling her a flat bread their intent is to make it not a pizza for a specific reason because they’re trying to charge 18 because they put some like roasted summer squash on top of there so they didn’t want that to be pizza but we all agree that’s a freaking pizza right if it eats like a pizza it barks like a pizza that’s a pizza their intent was to call it a flatbread it’s a pizza and you’re negating their intent is a pizza an open-faced quesadilla no i think that’s more likely i think that i think that’s what see that is me and you’re on the same page as this guy maybe an open face what’s an open face quesadillas that’s just playuda no it’s not tell you no it’s not is there cheese melted on italia no queso oaxaca didn’t like well it kind of melts it’s kind of melty i guess they might melt it no it’s not melted i think i think what i’ve learned today is that a pizza is an open-faced quesadilla that’s what i learned i quesadilla man once we start getting outside the english language things get real tricky for us um because i uh learned recently via food writer bill esparza uh that not all quesadillas have cheese i i unders i’ve i think i read that article as well but i didn’t we’re on the same twitter feed and so for me if a quesadilla doesn’t necessarily need to have cheese and again there is a whole mexican etymology and cultural gap that i am not familiar with to understand that uh uh very intimately at all and i know about getting into it with quesadillas i love gaming and so and so i i’m not willing to say that as an open face quesadilla where i know every single thing about uh smarter broad as i have been confidently talking about and i couldn’t even tell you what that means i went to that one weird danish town in california in april that’s one weird danish town dennis are you familiar with solving california i am not i’ve been to california a few times but i’m not familiar with solving solving you should come out and hang there’s like a hat there’s like half a windmill and then like a couple pancake houses and like a thousand danish people and it’s a really lovely time yeah bike ride you’re saying this is heaven it is literally heaven very idyllic if there are so many subtly spiced sausages there you would love it all right so if we’re breaking down the argument into where we’ve landed here uh pizza it seems to be important that the dough is cooked beforehand but not necessarily the end-all be-all yes so you could feasibly have a boboli cooked crust janet is a single mom trying her best she still made a pizza even though it’s pre-cooked and then we have the intent argument the fact that if you put say sauce cheese maybe a topping or two or a couple and baked that and you want it to eat like a pizza you want to send the message to somebody this is a pizza then that intent is what creates the pizza hood and takes it away from being an open-faced sandwich absolutely but then the salad pizza do you agree that taking a mound of salad and put that on top of a pizza say say that pizza’s made with pre-cooked dough do you think there’s a level of toppings because that doesn’t really eat like a pizza i’m eating the salad pizza with a fork and a knife though so and do you do you think that makes it more of a pizza or more of an open face i don’t know i still think that’s just salad on a pizza i don’t think that it’s like one new thing those are just two it’s like it’s just a salad if i dump a lasagna on top of a pizza it’s still lasagna on a pizza oh my god no dennis you don’t understand it’s not a pizza at all it’s just a salad the pizza is the crouton dennis the pizza is the crouton it’s just a salad oh my god we’ve cracked the code we can finally exit the stupid simulation and finally just evaporate into the ether the pizza is the croutonicle has anybody learned anything i have more questions i think than what are your questions let me let me uh what are your questions i what what have we learned i don’t really really know and i made pizza for a long time so it’s making me think though nicole said intent is important but if i intended if i made a pizza and intended it to be a sandwich in my mind and then threw it in the wood-fired oven telling it it was a sandwich the whole time whispering in its ear and i brought it out i’m not sure i would i think it would still think it was a pizza when i brought does it have its own consciousness i hope not because i just put it in a thousand degree oven yeah i know oh jesus you’re a mass murderer i mean i mean there’s certain archetypes with which we build things on yeah can we all agree on that like what do you call like a schema in your mind yeah pizza equals flat likely round but not always yeah you know yeah well that that’s why in italy right for neapolitan pizza they have like exact measurements that something needs to satisfy to be able to call itself pizza that’s like a little thing if your crust is an eighth of a whatever italian for inch is centimeter uh if it’s like an eighth of a centimeter too thick or too thin then you’re not legally allowed to call it pizza right they have the dop protection on it and so that’s the thing and i kind of love that because now you don’t get these hucksters out there selling the 18 flatbreads trying to call it pizza when i think that’s just a damn open face sandwich oh i know i know what we just determined we determined a racket so what we can do is we can sell certifications on our own identification of pizza and just tell everybody their pizza isn’t pizza until they pay us to tell them it’s not that smart it’s like crime but organized yeah yeah that’s never been thought of before well no now we now we thought of it i just invented it we’ll call ourselves the mafia i think that’s a good name that’s good it’s an acronym yeah it’s an acronym for what american pizza association of america mafia i don’t know how acronyms work i can’t read we’re close we’re getting there we’re getting somewhere [Music] there are few better foods to eat during the summer than a nice juicy grilled piece of chicken or steak or salmon that’s right whether you have a go-to favorite or you like switching up what you’re grilling you can improve your grilling lineup this summer with butcher box the subscription service that delivers a large selection of high quality meat and seafood right to your door now my favorite thing about butcher box isn’t just the top tier quality meat but it’s super affordable we’re talking less than six dollars per meal on average here people and it’s convenient every month butcherbox ships a curated selection of high quality 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and i have to say now it’s time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the twitterverse it’s time for the segment we call opinions are like casseroles [Music] all right uh dennis first up you mentioned before the podcast started rolling that you wanted to talk about b-holes can you elaborate on your your b-hole stance i am pro b-hole uh we all have we we are too yeah we all have b-holes it’s important to talk about them constantly i agree and that’s something i talk about on twitter a lot which i’m afraid i’m gonna get in trouble for some time but um and also on instagram so what i’ll do is i will uh i’ll i’ll take beautiful pictures of food all the nice things i’ve eaten and then caption it with and then i shoved it up my b-hole so i’ll have these like beautiful beautiful pictures of like pizza or burgers or whatever and then talk about how i’m just gonna shove these things up my butt yeah and and and i think what you’re really hitting on there is this sort of philosophical notion of like um you know uh of cir circular circulationism where the idea no hold on hold on here’s the thing everything you eat you’re going to poop out and that’s hilarious and that’s why i love dennis’s sub stack food is stupid because food is truly stupid of course it’s wild that we played so much emphasis nicole our whole lives all of our whole lives have been like devoted to the things we put in our mouth and anything we’ve put in our mouth has come out of our butt and that’s hilarious if you don’t think that’s funny it’s like parents growing up where like farts aren’t funny depending on the parent yeah that’s so funny it’s like your b-hole makes a little trumpet sound that’s the funniest thing in the world you know what’s awesome about that is you can talk and and make a trumpet sound at the same time it’s cool that you can do that that’s the only thing you can those are the only sounds you can simultaneously do you can have a conversation and then trump it and then just like play like a really skilled beatboxer yeah you know you can layer sounds on top yeah uh there’s a professional fighter there’s a professional farter right back in the day yeah yeah yeah uh he entertained the french aristocracy by farting out tunes yeah he could fart songs the kid fart song anyways we should get to the segment we should get to the segment um first up we got at nema underscore tuna salad is a sauce dennis what say you no there there’s solid stuff in it there’s it’s like if it was the sauce it would be that’s like one chewy sauce that’s like just a sausage i like a good i like a good chew to my sauce yeah that tuna tuna salad is not a sauce that’s i can’t i can’t even deal with that i okay so i nicole knows exactly where i’m gonna go with this because i bring it up a lot uh i’m going to go up to the northern region of italy you know just just west of slovenia you know even go down a little bit to like you know bologna uh and you see the dish vitello tonato is a sliced veal tongue uh sir or veal breast served with a tomato sauce a tuna sauce and it is like one step from tuna salad the first time i had it it’s literally just tuna solids blended into a sauce so it’s got a good chew to it but it’s still runny so i think like you take tuna salad as it is you take the wettest tuna salad you’ve ever seen which is probably coming from subway because it doesn’t get when you don’t touch tuna salad the water pools at the edges yes that’s correct as soon as the tuna tuna salad subway ain’t getting touched especially after the weird controversy about whether or not it’s tuna i love it which it’s definitely tuna it’s tuna it’s tuna it’s dinner it’s they don’t there’s no cheaper fish they don’t benefit from adding anything but tuna to it yeah i don’t know what else what other fish they would use like one like something that hasn’t been identified yet like we just found this geothermal vent just hot chum chum tuna salad sauce uh it’s a condiment next unfair it’s a good dip you put some keebler club crackers and tuna salad i’d love to nacelle it’s good i just feel guilt ducks yeah it’s a lot of mayo to consume but like whatever because the dolphins that too mercury aren’t you like not supposed to eat a lot of mercury oh i was saying for the mayo intake oh no i’m cool all have a reason okay wally boulard says red bull should be consumed by mixing it with an oj mimosa style what say you dennis that’s actually probably pretty good have you guys ever had beer with oj before that’s weirdly good it’s called a rattler that’s like any juice with some beer right a little bit um but i think if you mix is it a boilermaker i think there’s a there’s an actual oh we no uh we called it brass monkey that’s what we called it what’s the [ ] what’s the one with lemonade the [ ] yeah that’s a shame lemonade i like shandy boilermaker is just a shot and a beer oh i like those i like those those are the best that’s good you go into a show and it’s just like give me a couple boilermakers yeah yeah hit it and quit it then i know there’s there’s an orange juice and beer combination and i thought it was i tried it once and i thought it was gonna be really really putrid but it’s actually really refreshing and the thing is you just it’s because you can’t taste the beer part it’s just like watery bubbly orange juice it’s called a beer mosa oh oh no i’ve made beer gria before beer guria is a recipe that i had in in the cookbook uh which is a delight but yeah i think that would be a good mix orange juice and red bull i would imagine and there’s that mountain dew uh product the kickstarter stuff and it’s mixed with juice it’s like energy drink with juice i think right or like at least yeah it is mountain dew with juice which is it sounds like a net sum of zero well they tried they tried to start to sell that to kids as like hey kids here’s a healthy energy drink for the morning here’s a healthy way to consume your do so they start putting trace amounts of oj in it um like so taco bell they had a product called mountain dew am that was just a do for breakfast and it was the same thing and then kickstart put the caffeine in it um i’ll tell you what’s better than that and this is something i’ve done in in desperate times which is a little bit of iced coffee which is to say old coffee from the pot that’s just been sitting out all day and you mix that with red bull you put it on ice and it’ll make you grind your teeth how does that taste that just sounds like it tastes like coffee so um you get the but you know you have like acidic coffee and you’re like that’s bad because it’s acidic coffee imagine all the citric acid from a red bull and that guarana taste going into a coffee and then a little bit of the fizz bubbles kind of get trapped in your nose hairs and it just smells like uh you’re i don’t know trapped in an extreme sports starbucks commercial and you’re just clutching your stomach you’re just like you’re so much your stomach just has a hole in it but if you’re trying to reach a deadline that’ll that’ll make you go because you’re gonna have to go to the bathroom pretty soon you consume energy drinks i can’t i i can’t do that you don’t do any energy drinks just coffee or tea i start riding the lightning nicole yeah really all right at silas eggleton cold shredded cheese and chunky salsa wrapped in a tortilla is a taste bud guilty pleasure i’m down with that that sounds awesome that sounds like soda like now that i work from home as opposed to being in a restaurant that sounds like lunch that sounds like just something i can just go to the other room for and grab real quick if i don’t feel like making lunch so yeah i got four minutes grab the tortilla no time to microwave it i don’t i’m not i’m never even in a rush that just sounds like something i would do if i don’t feel like doing anything else me too take my time on the folds yeah just just i’ll i’ll savor every bite of it i’ll just i’ll just eat real slow you know i’ll use my lunch break very well i just won’t use it to make the food i’ll just put cold cheese and cold salsa on a tortilla i i like this whoever this person is is my best friend now yeah with silas eggleton hi silas silas meet my friend dennis uh i had to learn to love cold shredded cheese i love cold shredding i never loved it before but now i’ve gotten the appreciation to which like a sauce gets trapped in between the shreds and it kind of like absorbs in that like a wood pulp yeah okay so i like cold shred cheese you’re talking cold shredded cheese from the bag like the package pre-shredded stuff oh yeah yeah that you got to get used to that like chalky flavor on the outside if you shred your own cheese yeah like in because i would eat it all the time in a pizzeria it makes a huge difference you’re just it’s just like it’s so rich you just feel like you feel like you’re spoiling yourself when you’re eating the stuff that doesn’t have the powder on it you’re like oh cheese can have this texture this is awesome you know that’s honestly one of the biggest like i i’m all for so many time saving tips in the kitchen but like and pre-shredded bag cheese you know you can throw it into quesadilla whatever it is to be fine sure but like grating your cheese fresh makes a huge tangible difference yeah it’s weird it’s yeah you would it’s way easier to take it right out of the bag but wait can you make a pizza in your mouth then while you’re chewing he’s just pouring oh matt we’re talking mouthpiece we’re talking mouthpieces i make mouth nachos all the time mouth nachos are great yeah so you can just pour pour cheese in your mouth pour cold sauce in your mouth and like raw dough why does that it doesn’t have to be raw bubbly or something why did i say it had to be raw dough i don’t know that’s mouth pizza okay another another winning thing today all right here we go here we go we got at k rose 104 underscore 12 mike and ikes are very underrated candy nope tell people what mike and ikes taste like because that might not every everybody might not know everyone being me nicole you’ve never had a mic what does it taste like what does it taste like dennis describe mike and ikes they’re like chewy little capsules they’re shaped like they’re shaped like the like tylenol pills and they’re chewy they’re like they kind of have that car they have that carnauba wax outside so they’re like shiny yeah okay and then you chew them they’re sort of like i don’t want to say gum drops but they have that no it’s a jelly bean it’s a bad it’s a gel it’s like an elongated jelly bean that you can swallow and pretend is your medicine yeah i think i’ve had one before yeah they’re okay they’re like not the best no they’re kind of boring i’m not a big fan of them just because like you know you could get jelly bellies and have weird like more fun flavors these are just sort of the same sure buttered but wait best jelly bean flavor best jelly belly flavor what do you got i have a bag and i just been eating them um i like the pear flavor surprisingly that one’s really good the coconut pear is good i was gonna say pear and coconut and then buttered popcorn buttered popcorn that’s ramen okay only buttered popcorn when you’re when you know it’s coming if you if you’re the kind of person that puts all the jelly bellies in your mouth at the same time and then you get that that buttered popcorn taste in the middle you get it on the finish it screws you up it screws you up big time because you’re like i’m eating i’m eating jelly beans i’m not eating butter now i like to start tutti fruity and then wash it down with buttered popcorn i can’t deal with tutti fruity there’s something about it the cinnamon one’s good it’s like a nice cleanser let’s get a bag of jelly let’s treat ourselves get a bag you know what we should do one day we should just sit in front of the camera and do a live stream of us just eating jelly beans and guessing the flavors yeah i think yes monetize anything you want to do but we would we would have to like separate them on the table since i’m in chicago so just like we would have to like show each other on the camera which which ones are which and if they’re slightly off i’ll be like this is supposed to be cinnamon and then i get like some red apple or some something yeah brandylu99 says banana’s versatility is severely underrated i agree i think you can have them in savory applications i just don’t really think about it um we had been talking about s’more broad is that how you say it in swedenborg but i think i don’t know i think in sweden they put bananas on their pizza yeah they sure do did i just i might have just made that up did i make that one no that’s that’s the thing dude uh they’ll do we so there’s like this sweet it’s a swedish persian pizza ria what else why did i split those interiors anyways point is uh also they make something called pizza salad not to be confused with salad pizza which is just a cabbage slaw that goes with pizza anyways they’ll do a uh shrimp curry and banana pizza which is apparently somewhat popular but i believe bananas and curry powder are a common combination to go on pizza in sweden yeah so i mean i think i would imagine that’d be really good like just yeah you know so just having whoa banana taco oh i’m into that yeah that’s that’s my like go-to like at-home meal is you take a flour tortilla and you wrap it around a banana and you spread peanut butter on it and then you just get a mess-free peanut butter banana with a little tortilla wrap that sounds good uh but there’s a dish that i’ve always wanted to try and i don’t know how i’ve never done it but it’s this like 1970s retro cookbook dish you know what i’m talking about the ham not the banana ham banana and holidays right ham banana and holidays that sounds like such a good combination to me why would it not be good i don’t know it’s like bacon wrapped dates but ham wrapped bananas with a little buttery is it heated up yeah oh you gotta bake it oh you bake it yeah you don’t need a you don’t need it cold you eat it baked maybe it could work i love banana ketchup and i love it i love banana and like i like plantains and savory applications like why can’t you do that with bananas i agree bananas the fruit of opportunity all right we should we should finish the one one more one more one more one more one more okay here’s good here’s good here’s good at dustin mcgeary dipping sandwiches slash burgers is better than putting condiments directly on the sandwich slash burger this is a tough one i think it depends on the condiment i think it depends on the sandwich and it does depend on the sandwich too if you’ve got a triangle shaped sandwich definitely dipping is is pretty good you know like a grilled cheese or something you want to cut it into triangles and go sharp point in for something like a burger i think a thick cheese sauce works to dip a burger in but ketchup and stuff ketchup goes right on the burger so i don’t know i’ve only dipped uh burger and ketchup when the burger sucks ass when you need when you need improvement emergency improvement that wasn’t included on the burger um but i don’t i don’t think it works for everything if it were if if you had like a watery sauce i don’t think it would work that well i don’t know this is so does that mean you eat the burger or sandwich dry and then dip so i was going to say porque no why not los dos condom so i i came in this morning dennis bragging to my co-workers saying hey last night i made the wettest turkey burger i’ve ever made you weren’t here for that it was just trevor b and like what do you mean i made a turkey burger last night and then i wrapped it in foil and let it sit while i do the dishes so it can steam together and i put roasted tomatoes and i sauteed like spinach and garlic it was kind of a struggle meal a little bit and then put that in the bread and i opened it and it was just sopping wet and what i did is i mixed some ranch with hot sauce and i took the wettest burger you’ve ever seen and i dunked every bite into ranch dressing and i had finally known peace i mean if it was good i it on paper it sounds terrible was i was shirtless covered in sweat and blood this is actually i left work late last night and i i went to the gym and i just i was ripping deadlifts my hands tore you can kind of see it right there and i and i like to eat immediately after i left and so i’m just shirtless covered in sweat and blood my cat’s screaming and i’m just eating a sopping wet turkey burger dip it in a ranch and that is my default state of being um i like to just pour it on like from the bottle like on my sandwich like i just like i like you know i rip open the condom and i just squirt it on or just like use a spoon and i just put it on how much blood are you covered in thank you for listening to a hot dog is a sandwich if you want to hear more from us here in the mythical kitchen we got new episodes for you every wednesday if you want to be featured on opinions or like casseroles you can hit us up on twitter at mythicalchef or in handyzada with the hashtag opinion casserole and for more magical catching check us out on youtube where we launch new videos every week and of course if you want to share pictures of your dishes hit us up on instagram at mythical kitchen dennis man thank you so much for joining us today i really enjoyed seeing your face uh move around animatronically for the first time yeah it’s the first time we’ve been talking on twitter for like eight years this is the first time that i actually know you exist and aren’t a bot from russia trying to sway me into a weird political uh view that i don’t yet have uh but thanks for coming on man yeah of course uh dennis you got anything to plug you want to like use this time for free advertising we like we have followers they’re they’re nice okay well um my instagram handle is [ __ ] danis d-i-c-k-h-o-l-e his name is his father’s name is richard homage yeah richard hold richard my twitter handle is fart sandwich and my my newsletter you can see at foodisstupid.com and uh i work for the takeout so you can see my stuff every day at the table you have a full-time employer i know i’m always afraid i’m gonna get in trouble but i’m i’ve made it a whole year all right guys you’re awesome man i had a great time thanks dennis [Music] when it comes to your journey hyundai is thinking of every mile that’s where the new 2023 hyundai palisade comes in the palisade offers all the technology safety features and comfort a family needs for the journey ahead and boy does it really have so many tech safety and comfort features stay connected with the palisades wi-fi hotspot capabilities so you can keep the kids entertained on a long car ride or help a friend work on the go if you want to start that weekend trip early and if you’ve ever been clipped or had a mishap or you opened the door 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