foreign [Applause] [Music] this is Charles Neal from dispatches from Myrtle Beach with my son link from good mythical morning how you doing link I’m doing good I’m coming off of a romantic trip with Christy and I’m just getting back into the studio do I look do I look fresh do I look uh do I look rested or do I look worn out uh uh fresh to me so you must refresh great now worn out oh I’m worn out if you would have said I would look worn out I would have taken that as a compliment too because sometimes when you’re on a romantic weekend you gotta you gotta it’s it’s about an investment that’s right yeah it was it was both it was both you know Nancy and I when we get to go to Austin to the big thing coming up we’re we’re gonna try to have a little time together and sightseeing do some stuff too so we might be give out when we get back home too so or refreshed so now when this one airs this is after yeah this airs right after mythicon so even though we haven’t been yet for them we’re just getting back from it so it’s yeah we’re kind of we’re having to record this one before we go to mythicon but when we go to mythicon we’re taking things up a notch and then you and Nancy you’re gonna have some fun in Austin just the two of you that’s right you stay a few extra days I got to get back because the kids got to go to school and oh yeah Lando’s got a got that Halloween party he’s got to go to so you know I got I got to get back to my duties Nancy’s getting ready for a yard sale this weekend so oh really yeah we what is this something you do every year or did she spring it on you she just kind of was she told me a couple of months ago she’s probably gonna have one she told me what she wasn’t gonna do anymore when we did all the stuff from Sanford but we’re doing another one so yeah because at first you weren’t living permanently at the beach but then when you moved out of the Sanford House you had a yard sale there what kind of yards sale you’re gonna have there have you already amassed enough crap that she’s got to start selling it off I think I got two things down there that I might try that I found that you know I might want to get rid of she’s hey when you live at the beach and where we live at you don’t need new heavy winter coats and you don’t need all that stuff and she’s got a a lot of stuff like that I don’t know about it but who’s gonna buy that at the beach like people strolling by your yard come by like a winter coat she’s already had people come by today three days before it’s gonna happen and wanted to look and she said you’d like to come back tomorrow Friday I ain’t got it all ready yet how do they even know that there’s these people who just they have us they go from yard sale to yard sale and they have these this like six cents that it’s about to happen it’s like can I go up your elevator and go through your closet I mean what are they they want the best stuff that ain’t gonna happen stuff hey she she’s got it on a I think a radio advertisement Friday that is going on or some kind of she’s doing she’s got a marketing budget for this this yard sale yeah I guess I mean the radio station down here that you can call in and they’ll they’ll do yard sales for free and tell them where it’s at so oh works out pretty good what are the two things that you’re getting rid of one of them was a big amp thing that I had used when we bought the golf cart it had speakers in it and it’s got all kinds of stuff that I don’t know anything about like a subwoofer I think so what do you you’re selling the sound system out of your belch life golf cart hey it was so strong and with the amps that it pulled that it wouldn’t even let you pick up the 94.9 radio station so I said I can’t have that okay what’s the other thing oh the a thing that you sharp my uh chainsaw blade with you don’t you don’t think you’ll ever need to sharpen your chainsaw again well I got a five where you no more than I use it that I’m uh sharpen it with a fire see I think you’ll be able to sell that you know people wanting to cut down trees and Limbs and whatnot and keep their keep their chainsaw sharp that’s right you heard it here first folks Charles is selling a chainsaw uh sharpener yes that’d be correct yeah did you notice I’m wearing my my special white overalls again it looks like you’re ready to come help me paint that’s what it looks like to me well I don’t think I asked you this last time I wore these why do painters wear white you know I’ve been asked that question probably a hundred thousand times I don’t know you don’t know but you should know it’s you you’re it amen and you wear white and I I looked I think it’s because it’s just a good clean crisp color it’s white and it’s cool and when it’s hot down here so I don’t know what and I’m not the only painter that was where it’s white there’s a lot of them that wears it so all painters wear white like mechanics don’t wear white I guess they’re not out in the sun I’m gonna google it why do painters wear white here we go because before I read this Brett was asking me this I was like I’m gonna ask Dad and I keep forgetting to do it and now I’m so disappointed you don’t even know you don’t even have a theory you’re just saying because it makes you look crisp and professional it has to have something to do with the paint like you’re you yourself are a blank canvas whenever you’re doing your job you get some pain on you it’s like flare like working at TGI Fridays like hey look at me I’m putting a little fuchsia on your house and on myself well that’s what people say well I could pick out a lot of colors that you’ve painted on is better because they I get more and more I did I wipe some on my pants and stuff so you know they they have they have a lot of different colors on them what is the color that you paint the most and I’m I’m googling now I’ve cheated a little bit I started to read the end so I didn’t read the whole thing but you tell me what color do you paint the most probably uh Tans and Grays and some dark blues for shutters and different stuff well let me read this why do painters wear white this is improvey.com wearing off white allows painters to look cleaner all right Dad first of all that’s exactly what you said yeah so I got to give it to you it didn’t seem like that was enough but here we are you’re right but there’s an and it allows painters to look cleaner and worry less about white paint color spots on their clothing hmm think about that often called painters whites the all-white look originated in the 17th and 18th centuries when painters made their pants from the white canvas sales of ships isn’t that interesting that’s pretty interesting I learned something today and I’m 70 years old about painters most colors used when painting are light colors the light colors like you’re saying the Grays and the beige and the tan will blend in with the white pants or overalls white is a symbol of cleanliness it leaves the impression the painter is going to do a nice neat and tidy job without getting paint all over himself and everything else well you’re right Dad and people been asking you for years and you knew the answer and you didn’t tell them you didn’t tell them Dad I think we need to make up a better I think it’s like because I also am the canvas you know that’s an interesting thing to say I guess yeah you look crisp and clean I look I look fresh and clean that’s right yeah all right give me more your dispatch what have I missed in the past week we went back home to Sanford and had to I went and was going to get us all something we was staying at Candace and Carl’s house and I went to get us some we were trying to figure out what we wanted to eat and so I went I went to with uh Carl to Lowe’s Foods because he said Lowe’s Foods uh the grocery store has a I guess you’d kind of call it a bar in there but it has different kinds of there’s a bar in the grocery store yeah IPA beers and all that you know beers for people make them they’re safe and you can go try them and they get them in there and where they’re selling them and everything and they had a new one in there that Carl wanted to go drink and taste it so I went with him there was a bar in the grocery store yeah a place I’ve never heard of this they don’t sell uh just regular bills they you know the ones that people make like local Brews yeah local Brews but then you’re sick you’re sitting in a grocery store right that’s correct I mean that just seems hey and they got little and they got tables in there for several people can come and see it and enjoy one of these beers during the week and stuff so I mean every everyone’s got a Starbucks in it now I guess they can have a have a bar in there it’s right in the middle of a right in the middle of when you come through and walk in it’s right in the middle of the grocery store people can’t miss it if they want to get a cold beer for it uh go shopping then go in there and sit down and get them a cold beer I’ve never been drunk at a grocery store but there’s a first time for everything you know what I’m saying where’s the rice where’s the rice aisle these beers instead of having like 3.2 alcohol content they have like six percent to ten percent alcohol watch yourself you gotta hold on to your to your britches yeah it is pretty strong beer you’re gonna be bringing down the chip aisle just holding on for dear life covered in crinkles so when we left and I had went and got us some potato salad and stuff to go with we were going to go to Bojangles and get some chicken and I got us some potato salad and stuff to go with it besides what they had yeah well they got chicken at the grocery store too don’t they I mean it’s not Bojangles it ain’t Bojangles it ain’t Bojangles chicken that’s right so when I was checking out at the counter there was a man standing over to the left okay he was just standing there just looking at me and just staring and looking and staring and looking so when I got got checked out and was walking up and he he stopped me he said are you Charles Neal and I said yes sir that’ll be who I am he said oh my God my son’s been watching your son Rhett and Link for 10 years since it started and we said and then we found your dispatches from Myrtle Beach we’ve been watching it and he said can I get a picture with you and his son goes to Carolina and I I he said can I get a picture with you and I got a mail him with he he took a picture and sent it to him and we don’t send pictures to Carolina dad you know that uh well uh yeah we’re wolf pack we wolf pack but hey we advertising dispatches from Myrtle Beach to Carolina State Duke all of them Wake Forest Wake Forest too oh good yeah yeah you’re right Dad you’re right anybody you know I I I can’t not let everybody enjoy dispatches from Myrtle Beach just cause you know they go to Carolina where he has to go this is a free wheeling thing for all of us to let everybody have some fun with and his son’s name was Solomon so yeah give us a shout out I’m saying I’m sending you a shout out from dispatches from Myrtle Beach so when you listen to this episode in a couple of weeks you you’ll know what your dad sent you a picture and that’s how I got your name so it’s for real it’s for real yeah just you didn’t even have to ask do you know who I am no you weren’t wearing the shirt no I got it we got to send him more shirts Logan I guess because yeah we only sent you two we got to send you like 14. so you that’s that is the only thing you wear Logan did better than that she sent me uh I think four of the green color and four white colors so I got about eight shirts all right well that’s one for every day of the week and then an extra one for when you get dirty oh man I I would go I would go drink an IPA in a in a a grocery store I guess I mean anything to make grocery shopping better car on Candace uh they go to this place up in pretty often to check out the beers and get the stuff they’re they’re connoisseurs of it they’re connoisseurs of grocery beer yeah that’s right hey we want to bring you to our favorite bar it’s in a grocery store it’s time for another edition of Myrtle Beach mailbag I got one from Adam floro it says a husband says to his wife I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time this is the husband talking to the wife yep happy and sad at the same time and she thinks about it for a moment and then responds what do you think she might have said um I don’t have a clue dad I don’t know happy and sad at the same time it could be anything well it’s all good but he said your penis is bigger than your brothers oh I felt happy for a second for him and then I oh and then I felt sad bring the brother into it I’m telling you that’s not um don’t keep don’t don’t keep that in the family you know she’s keeping it she’s keeping it in the family yeah don’t don’t do that no don’t do that keep it very much in the family like just with your husband you know maybe you know what maybe she just happened to see it maybe she just happened to see her brother-in-law’s wiener maybe she just saw it maybe she went into men’s restroom and there he was at a urinal turning around to say hi to somebody and oh it’s my sister-in-law yep that’s probably what it was you trying to make this a good thing and I don’t think that’s what she meant I just I don’t know I like to believe the best in people but then the sad fact is and you’re disappointed but isn’t that a better way to live like give people the benefit of the doubt and then it’s like well they prove they can prove me wrong and then say yep okay I was wrong well that’s a good way to be well I I mean Christy says and I I it makes me feel good when she says it she’s like link you just have a good heart so you want you want to believe that people are that they’re doing the that they’re doing the right thing maybe it’s just a misunderstanding whatever the case may be me and you both I think we come from this Same Cloth about that so there’s nothing worse than believing the worst about somebody and then you realize that you were the one who was wrong it’s like oh now I feel bad for thinking badly of that person I’d rather for them to unveil something that’s like oh gosh I was wrong about you I thought you were all right but you can’t you can’t put your heart out there on your sleeve at all times dad it could get stomped on that’s my problem Christy tries to protect me it’s like put your heart away just leave it out for me I’ll be like okay baby Nancy does the same thing to me trying to make sure that I do what’s right but also that I don’t get let somebody hurt me or do something to me this you know that she don’t like that they do to me she she looks after me just like Christy looks after you we got some good handlers don’t we it’s you know she laughs at me all the time and I’m like you know what I’m just so glad that you love me and that you you’re willing to handle me and like you know in Hollywood they got people that called they’re called handlers they just they point they Point celebrities in the right direction and tell them what to do and then tell them when to stop and that’s what Christy does for me when she so we we don’t have to have we got we got special handlers for what we got [Music] foreign [Music] well I got another email and this is a second email is from James Goss okay James had the client with the cat named Higgins oh yeah he was if I remember correctly he was painting a house for a in the room he’s painting room for a cat yeah and you and you want to know what colors to paint the room yeah that’s what he said and he said do we have an update he says thanks for the advice on Higgins the cat he is loving he is new room color which was what we painted it purple well you told him to paint it purple you didn’t paint it yeah no okay is that it is that the end of it well no he’s he’s got a thing on here just want to let he says three men are sitting at a bar drinking Genesis beer oh okay so he also threw a joke in Genesis yeah and it said the bar is holding a promotion that that day sponsored by the Guinness’s Book of World Records they have a stand set up asking patrons to come and break a world record anyone that can gets free Guinness’s beer for life oh three men decide they’re going to take a shot at winning free beer for life of course yeah as they are standing in line the other two asked the first man what are you going to try and get the record for he says well look at my hands these have to be the smallest hands in the world so he approaches the booth and walks off when he returns he has a giant Smile as he shows off his free beer for Life card the two men asked the next guy what are you going to try to break the record off and the man replies well look at my feet they’ve got to be the smallest feet in the entire world he approaches the booth and walks off he too returns with a giant smile waving his free beer for Life coupon two for two so these two wanted yep small feet they asked the third man well what record are you going trying to break and the man replies well this is kind of embarrassing but I’ve got the smallest penis on the entire planet I said he approaches the booth and walks away with the staff the two men see him angrily walking back towards them clearly frustrated and with no free beer tickets they asked him what happened he replies who the hell is link Neal what how did this get personal I think why you this is after all that first of all that wasn’t a joke that was a novel I I’m telling you and then it’s About My Weiner being smaller than this then that guy I said wiggle we’re gonna have to call this guy and get him Higgins get get him in here and prove to him that hit them people screwed him around because you you ain’t got no small win or if you need to kin to me all right well I am dad that’s exactly right you know what that’s right you know what mine is mine is not too short mine is not too long mine is just exactly what it needs to be and it doesn’t need to be compared to anybody’s and you know what Hig you know what Higgins Higgins is gonna get you in your sleep Dad I know that you have a a way with speaking cat and I know that you’ve talked to Higgins before and I think now is a perfect opportunity for you to take up for your son who has clearly been thrown under the bus May and I’m assuming that you didn’t pre-read this joke that you didn’t know you didn’t when you were reading it to me that was literally the first time you read it you’re like I’m gonna choose this one because it’s long I bet it’ll be good I had to flip the page you didn’t read the second page no because you never would have picked that right Dad if you would have known that it was about my wiener well I really wanted to you know to do like you said and and take up for you to know that this joke won’t true and if it if well I need you to tell Higgins what Higgins needs to do to whatever his name is James yeah talk to Higgins Higgins is our agent on the inside yeah yeah okay we’re gonna get you James yeah wow what telling stories about my son we I’m gonna come in scratch you and get places on you so if you have got the smallest penis in you you you’re gonna have to get it worked on so Higgins is coming to get you coming to get you James so take that with that contest for free beer I love that I love that now James the one who just sent in the joke is the one with the world’s smallest penis you’re exactly right that would be right take that James and Higgins you know what to do you know what to do I got another email from Robert and he says do you have a name for the fans of your podcast yet oh we haven’t talked about this no so you know a lot of Internet fandoms have uh names for their fans or the fans name themselves I mean fans of mythical of Rhett and I they mean themselves mythical beasts then maybe we just throw we don’t have to we don’t have to decide if you don’t unless you have something in mind well I got a little something in mind but oh great I’m gonna throw it out there for them but they can send us some emails of what they would like to be called and yes rather be shagging 53 at AOL.com letter B no G on shagging the numbers five and three but I I I’m gonna throw something out there for him because you know we swing into things and I and I’m into shagging and dancing so I I I’m gonna say we got some shagalicious fans oh shagalicious fans the shagalicious tribe of listeners okay so that’s an adjective though see it’s like okay they got to turn it into a noun I I really like shagalicious but um I just think that’s a word that we need to be using more often but there’s definitely something with shag shaggers uh dispatch shaggers swingers and shaggers out there what about you say swinging in swinging into it so if you you could be a swinger and a shagger and those both have two meanings in that we could add a third meaning which is just a listener to our podcast we have the makings of it but yeah let’s put it let’s put it back to the people what do they want to call themselves because they are shy galicious I’m telling you we need your help let us know now it’s time for a word from our sponsor this is a thing that I buy moonshine over the internet and have it shipped to the house and it’s called Tennessee Legend moonshine and uh company sells it called Great American craft Spirits for these individuals that make all kind of different moonshines and whiskeys and stuff and boy let me tell you something this Tennessee Legends moonshine I always just get the peach and the lemonade but I have bought the Blackberry and I have bought the salted caramel and all of them but you know if you want to sit back and have some clear clean good drinking moonshine where if you don’t want to mix anything with it all you have to do is pull a pour it in a glass put some ice in it and just pour it over and just sip on it it’ll if you got socks on it might knock them off or at least it’ll they’ll it’ll roll them down where you you don’t know what’s going on with it so if you want to get some good moonshine you can go to GA crafts spirits.com and order it Tennessee Legends moonshine [Music] hey link uh me and Nancy were going over some stuff and we found some riddles for me and you to go over but I I don’t know the answers because she hidden for me okay and you don’t know him you know so all right let’s do it it’s time for our first edition of riddle me this link this is kind of familiar territory in that like sometimes you’ll read a joke that neither one of us can get so this is okay yeah so you’ve got you get Nancy’s got answers uh has given you the answers on the side all right let’s hear one see we can figure it out this is gonna make us smarter it says when I go in I can cause some pain I feel your hoes when you ask me to I also ask that you spit and not swallow what am I oh Lord yeah we’re gonna blame this on Nancy you can’t even blame it on an email all right I know the answer to this one the whole spit part that’s when I got it um my brain’s not clicking on this one um the only place that I go into that causes pain that tells me to spit is a certain type of occupation at the dentist that’s is that that’s all right check that’s got to be it that’s it that’s it all right see we got it that was that one was pretty easy let’s see let’s hear another one what gets longer if pulled fits snugly between breasts slides neatly into a hole chokes people when you when used incorrectly and works well when jerked oh Lord oh okay slides neatly into a hole fit snugly in between breasts what fits between breasts like a a brassiere I mean saying breath is very specific maybe a necklace like a necklace or drape in between some breasts is there another type of breast like chicken breasts fits snugly between what fits snug between chicken breasts I wonder if I’m on the right track uh I was thinking maybe I had two things a a piece of jewelry or a bungee cord but I’m renting a bungee cord would be something between the breasts but well you know what anything between the breasts is I’m not I’m not opposed to it but it said it slides neatly into a hole and then it could be you to choke somebody yeah if used incorrectly you can choke somebody works well when jerked I we’re gonna have to look at the answer then I I I’m I don’t know there’s too many variables how could this all fit together oh Lord a seat belt a seat belt and snugly fits between the breasts yeah oh it gets longer if pulled it slides neatly into a hole ah one more it says a man goes outside in the rain without an umbrella or hat that doesn’t get a single hair on his head wet higher he’s bald that’s my guess yeah he’s bald he doesn’t have hair on his head he ain’t got no hair all right is that it he’s bald that’s right you got it all right look at how smart yeah and of course you were gonna say it too so we both feel very smart well it looks like we come to another end of dispatches from Myrtle Beach and it’s been fun having all of y’all with us today and y’all come on back next Thursday to another one if you got a joke or question a comment you’d like to share with me email me if rather be shagging53 at AOL.com no email is a bad email you know what challenge us that’s right y’all have a great weekend we can’t wait to spin and whirl again next week so link you got a special set of balls that’s all I take oh oh yeah that that came back up yeah appreciate that dad you got me all right um so do you love you love you too see you next Thursday [Music]