Welcome to Good Mythical More. You smell that? It’s the scent of cheese puff in the air. Puff, puff, puff, give. Careful, careful, careful. Now listen, I’m excited about this man. We’re gonna rank these freaking cheese puffs. These cheese puffs are gonna be better than anything we just ate, for sure. Oh yeah. But first, let’s play “What’s the Word?”, where we guess the definition of, this time it is poltophagy. Poltophagy? Phagy, phagy, what does that mean? P, h, a, g, y. What does that suffix mean? Ah, at one point I kind of knew this, but I’ve definitely forgotten it. So like, something “phagy” is uh, It’s like a medical thing, right? Like it’s a, it’s a disease of something. Poltophagy. What’s polto? Polto? This is when you get a disease on your pole-toe. That’s the longest one. Which is the longest one. Which might be the second one. Yeah, it’s different for everyone. All right, it’s when you lose your longest toe. Nope. It’s thorough chewing of food until it becomes like porridge. Ah, the esophagus! Phagy means, Poltophagy. means, something to do with eating. Yeah, eating. So is it a noun? Whatever it is, I do it. I make porridge every day from every meal. Welcome to my world. You wanna make porridge outta cheese puffs? Yeah, I am, in my mouth. Danny, Danny, Danny, come in here, man. Hey! It’s Palumbooooo! Oh, I like the way you’re fitting in with your foliage. Okay, yeah, wait, are you doing that, Oh yeah! Oh yeah! are you, Danny, are you pre-planning? Every time you come in, you- I what? Every time you come in, you’re wearing like a matching outfit. This time they’re wearing like camouflage grass suits,- Yeah. And you match. This is not planned. You’re wearing your foilage. It’s destiny. When it comes to Palumbo, it’s called Palum-destiny. You guys look like a couple scientists who are trying to catch Bigfoot. Well, thank you for that. And just like, study him. Thank you for that. That’s, you could have said a lot of meaner things. No, it’s good! I think it’s a good look. Yeah. Yep. Can we call you Destiny today? Uh, sure. I like that. I like that name. Welcome to the show Destiny. Thank you, wow! Makes me feel uncomfortable. What have you done to prepare for this? I feel sexier. For this taste test? Yeah. Well, we ranked cheese puffs baby. We tried, uh,- No, I mean, did you like look in the mirror, and like rehearse what you were gonna say? For this show? Yeah. No. Well, okay. You don’t take this as seriously? No, I look over my notes. Yeah. So I, so when we do these rankings, I make like a lot of notes. Yeah. Okay. Then, I kind of re- Refresh yourself. Refresh. I ate two bowls of mac and cheese, and had a sugar free “Red Bull” right before I came here. But, that’s just that “Sporked” lifestyle baby. So, I feel crazy right now, but I feel good. So how many cheese puffs did you taste to get down to what you’re saying is the best? I think this ranking, we approached close to 20. Okay. Now there’s more out there, but there’s a lot of regional brands. So, we have to kind of say that like, “Hey, you can only get these in like, you know, Seattle or something”. Like, we don’t put ’em on the list. Yeah. So they kind of have to be- Gotta be accessible. “Sporked” is a global brand. It’s a global brand. Or at least a national brand. Without knowing your ranking,- Sure. we’re gonna do our ranking, and then see who needs a spanking. All right, okay. You know? Destiny needs a spanking. Uh, we don’t even have to open this. Now,- Because they’re out here too. Stevie, do you remember when we used to have a big thing of cheese balls in the office? It was like,- Yeah. that was like, it was kind of a thing at Mythical, you know? It was a prop for a thing we did with those old guys who were playing. Naked Russian men. Russian naked men. Yeah. Yeah, ’cause nothing looked better in front of their naked crotches, than a big thing of cheese balls. Yeah. You know? It was perfect, and these are good. These are good. They’re good. I mean, those are open because we have them in the office, and Jordan and I just like pour a bowl every so often, and eat it with a spoon like it’s cereal. Is it “You-tz” or “Ah-tz”? I think it’s “Ah-tz”. It’s definitely “Ah-tz”. Interesting, you thought “You-tz”. That’s like something Joe Pesci says. Yeah. Or like,- Hey, that’s a good thing, right? That’s a good thing. I like Pesci. When, when he says things. These are the standard because there’s only one we’ve had. I’m putting ’em at number one so far. But, I don’t even know if they’re really a cheese puff, they’re a ball. Well what is this, Well,- a cheese log? This is more, this is a puff. Well, what? So what? So we – Say it, just say it. The reason we didn’t name the the tasting, or the ranking “cheese curls” because we wanna do include you know, cheese balls, which we think fit into the cheese puffs, extended universe. Yeah. I like,- You know what I’m saying? white cheddar flavored things in general. I like that- Me too. slightly tangier thing, so this is an- These are good. this is is an improvement in my, in terms of taste. Yeah, let me have one of these again. They do look a little different. They’re, they’re not as flavorful though. And they’re not as, they’re not as- They’re not as crunchy, but they’re more flavorful. How could you say that? They’re healthier. Do you think they’re milder, or more flavorful? See the branding, the marketing? It’s “Simply”. It’s “Simply”. Doesn’t that convince you? They’re not quite as cheesy in my, in my mouth. It’s the cheese flavor. They don’t have as much stuff on ’em. I agree with that. But, I just like the white cheddar flavor profile. Yeah, same. It’s got like a sort of tangy-ness to it. I mean, I think there’s sour cream in the ingredients, or buttermilk. Yeah, it’s the, there’s a tangy-ness that you’re not getting with originals. When I go back to the originals, they taste bland. They’re still good. Yeah, and it comes in a big old plastic barrel. Who doesn’t like that? You know? Yeah, it’s not that either of these is, nothing’s gonna be bad in this. I just don’t know where to rank, which one to rank higher. Well I, well I think I like these better, and Danny said he agreed, so I just feel like- You agree with that? Cause, I’m on the, I thought I liked these a little better, but I do really like both of them. I’ll tell you, they’re really close in the ranking. That’s all I’ll say. They’re very close. In fact they’re, they’re next to each other. But one is- Let’s just let Destiny decide. That’s right. Let’s move on to the- They’re here. to the Cheetos. Go for a classic Cheetos. Mow, mow, um, mouth is what I eat with this with. Hmm, hmm. Man, consistency is so on point. Uh, huh. Well, you’ve only eaten one. Now you’ve eaten two, right? What did you mean by consistency? I mean,- Coverage? the consistency of the structure of it. It’s the right size for a cheese puff, and it gives in the right way, and has the right combination of like crunch and collapse. These are, these are the best so far. Oh, collapse? I like that. There’s a collapse to them, you know what I’m saying? Yeah, I like that. Yeah, it’s better, well- Collapse. Oh. the structure’s better than this. This is like a little- Finger. Yeah, it’s a little too like firm too. It’s a little too, god, I almost said the word “erect”, but you know, I just did just now. You’re good, it’s a technical, it’s a medical term. Yeah. Yeah, but this is like more of like that classic like cheese puff shape, size too, you know? ‘Cause it’s important, ’cause it’s light, it’s crunchy. You kind of want it to be like a little thicker. At this point, I think I’m just leaving these in the order we’ve got ’em. I like that. Oh well, then we agree. Okay. What do we have here? “Herr’s”. This is my, this is my chip brand of choice, y’all. This is my favorite. I’ve never had it. So they come from Pennsylvania, but they’re everywhere now. Like we got these- With a banjo on their knee? at a “7/11”, “7 and 11”? We got them at a “7/11” It’s “Herr’s” with two R’s. Oh my goodness! Love to hear it. I’m sorry, “7 and 11” Danny? I know, let’s just edited that out. I love it when you get a jalapeno flavor right. Jalapeno flavor,- Mhmm. Wow. in a chip,- Wow! or a snack like this can be done so wrong, but this is done so right. It’s real, it’s nice and salty too. Wow! Gee whiz! Ah! Gee whizes! I love hearing this. Gee whiz, Wally! ‘Cause I’m such a “Herr’s” stan, that when other people try their products. So, and their normal chips are like “Lays” esque, or are they kettle chips? Well, they do everything. They will do kettle chips, but they’re like plain potato chips. Uh, huh. Kind of like a homemade sort of like, what would you compare it to? ‘Cause it’s not a “Lays”, it’s not as greasy as a “Lays”. The potato quality is like better I think than a “Lays”. They also do, I think you might enjoy this, Rhett. They do ketchup chips. One of the only American companies that do,- I like those too. Do you really? I don’t like tomatoes, but I like ketchup. Oh, okay. Yeah, so, um,- Well then both of y’all. So anytime I see “Herr’s”, I’m gonna perk up now. I keep trying to spread the good word, and it’s been fun in the “Sporked” office to be like, “Hey, I knew I grew up with these, so I’m a little biased, but like try them.” Well I’ma tell you- But, you can find them around many places? this right here- “7/11” down the street, you can go buy these. This is heat mild. I can only imagine what their hot is, So, it’s not- because it’s like,- The flavor is so great. There’s a spicy-ness to it, but it’s not overwhelming. It is like a jalapeno popper. It’s cheesy, it’s got a nice salt, there’s kind of like a fried, you know, I believe these are fried. And, that last one. Actually, no they’re not. They’re oven baked. Really? It says they’re right, I read that. “Oven baked with real cheese.” This is the healthy choice. Can’t you tell? Um, “contains a bio-engineered food ingredient”. Which one? We’re not gonna say. Yeah, that’s for us to know, and you to find out. Okay, but this is also “Herr’s” at the end. Oh, yes it is! But wait, are you moving the- Oh. Oh, yeah, I’m just keeping the order. No, we’re keeping the order. Everything is getting better every time we eat. Now, because this isn’t- Oh, I love that! just cheese,- Usually the “best thing” goes on the other. I think you’re in the “worst thing” mindset. Oh, we’re saying that this is the worst, and this is the best right now. Yeah, yeah. So we don’t have to move everything. Mkay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we don’t have to move nothin’. Okay, great. Okay. It gets better when the closer you get to Destiny. Yeah, right. I like my new name. I like my new work name. “Herr’s: Carolin-” Uh, uh. Okay, “Carolina Reaper” is not a good flavor, typically. Well, let’s, okay, let’s- It tastes like death, and it a triggering thing for us. That is true. But, they probably didn’t actually mimic it, it’s just a, it’s marketing. I don’t real super spicy flavored, things that make you cry and pee your pants, or whatever. I try to stay away from those things. But, again, I was pretty delighted by these. They’re spicy, but they’re not, I think you guys like don’t trust me on this yet, but that’s okay. Well, we don’t trust the “Carolina Reaper”, we’ve been burned. Literally. It is spicy. Oh, it is, wow. It actually does have a “Carolina Reaper” flavor. Isn’t that crazy? ‘Cause it’s not like flaming hot. Is it too much? You want some water? No, water doesn’t help. Oh, it doesn’t? So, what do you do? Milk. Oh, milk. Don’t worry about it. No, you just eat another one, and that covers it up. It’s fifteen times hotter than the mild heat of Yeah. Of this one. It almost has a bacon flavor. It does. It’s like a little porky or something, right? I don’t like that. Here’s why we put it on the list, although it was sixth, it just has- Oh, I was about to say, I was gonna move it all the way down here. Oh yeah, I just spoiled it, but we all knew. No but I, but listen, I was gonna say it was the worst one. Yeah. It just has like a really, so very few like- That meaty thing is wrong. Yeah, well, I kind of like pork flavored chips. Yeah, but not when it doesn’t say that on it. Oh that’s true. You know? If it’s gonna taste like meat, it needs to say that. You know how like “Flamin’ Hot” products like kind of taste like a little citrus-y. Like there’s that acid-y sort of flavor. Yeah. I like that it doesn’t have that, and I think for people who like actually want very spicy flavored things like you might enjoy “Herr’s: Caroline Reaper”, ’cause it is actually very spicy. Yeah it’s, it’s very spicy. Yeah. Okay, so this is where we. It’s scratching somebody’s itch. Now, you said sixth place, but I see five of these. Okay, so here’s what happened. We have a number one cheese puff that we couldn’t get for this tasting currently, for this- ‘Cause you ate them all. Because we- You ate ’em all. every single one. Destiny was hungry. You didn’t even save us one. It’s a “Big Lots” brand, and I called every “Bit Lots” around town, and they just didn’t have it right now. What? But, “Big Lots” has a brand of cheese puffs called, “Fresh Finds” and they were so good. I brought them over to Josh to his office, the bathroom. And, I asked him to try, he is in the bathroom like quite a bit. Yeah, yeah. And I asked them to try them side by side, the “Fresh Finds”, and the “Cheetos”, and he was like, “Far and away the, “Fresh Finds” is better.” And I thought the same thing, it just has more salt, it has more fat. Also, you see, how the middle of this doesn’t have any cheddar flavor? Yeah. The “Fresh Finds”, it’s in the entire corn mixture. What? So you really get like this flavor blasted chip. You didn’t want to believe that you were putting a “Big Lots” brand at number one, so you got Josh to-. Sometimes you gotta pull the “Josh triggers. Sometimes you have to pull the “Josh trigger”. He validated it, and now, because we can’t. No you can’t, I’m sorry. ‘Cause you ate them all. I’m so sorry. I’ll bring them back. Listen, if Josh ate ’em all, just tell us. Did Josh eat them all? Yeah, yeah. He has a bag in the bathroom right now. Well crap, I gotta get these. So, you’re pulling ’em up right now is- Yeah. Well, they’re huge! “Fresh Finds Cheese Puffs”. Which is weird ’cause it makes it sound like it’s a health food. It is not! There is more like salt, and fat than a serving of “Cheetos”. Yet, it’s called “Fresh Finds”. Well, okay. Can you order them online? So, how did we do for the rest of these though? Oh, you- I mean are we consistent with- You can order them online. No, you absolutely nailed it. Mmmm. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you have, so number two was “Herr’s: Jalapeno Poppers”. Three was “Cheetos”, four is the “Simply: White Cheddar”. Really? Five was “Utz”, and six, down at the end, was a- I wanna switch these just because I like the bucket. I understand why. I almost wanna put these as second place. I almost think, I get it. white cheddar is better. See, okay, then they’re in the middle. I get it. He just told you got everything right, and you both are arguing. You changed it immediately. No, you guys crushed it. This is, this is a revelation. Like seriously, I can’t say enough about this. Where are “Herr’s” from? Did you say that already? Yeah, uh, Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania, is “Chip Country”. That’s “Herr’s, a lot of other brands. Youths They all are based in, “youths”. Do we need to relocate “Mythical Entertainment” to Pennsylvania? How’s everybody feel about that? Woo! There’s not a whole lot to do there. Everyone was like, “No!” Okay. Head on over to “Sporked.com”, best kettle chips, best “Pocky” flavors, best cheese puffs. Yeah. And a lot more. You want more puffs? Well, grab a wet wipe, and go to “Sporked.com” for Danny’s full ranking of the best cheese puffs you can buy.