♪ Ah ♪ Oh. This is Charles Neal from “Dispatches From Myrtle Beach.” And with my son somewhere from “Good Mythical Morning.” Oh my goodness, Elvis has come in the house. ♪ Oh ho ho ♪ ♪ Oh ho ho ♪ Surprise, Dad! You thought you were gonna get one up on me and have a costume on, and me not have a costume, but- ♪ Ho ho, hunk, a hunk of burning surprise ♪ Spoiled one up. I’m telling you. I’m Elvis. Yeah, well, that, hey. If you can’t tell. As much paraphernalia as y’all got out there, it don’t surprise me a bit. Well, yeah, Logan told me like right before we’re about to record, you know. I’m sorry. “You know, because it’s Halloween, your dad has a costume. You can wear one if you want to.” I was like, I’m scrambling in our dressing room. And I totally stole this from Rhett’s wardrobe. This is Rhett’s getup on the Halloween episode of “Good Mythical Morning.” I was a different Elvis on GMM. You was a different- But I was kinda jealous. So this is kinda what I wanted anyway, a little bit of- ♪ Oh, ho, ho, peanut butter and nana ♪ ♪ Yeah, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho ♪ So you’re Mickey Mouse. Are you Mickey Mouse? Oh, yes, the hands. Are you Mickey from the waist down too? Nah, I could be, but I’m not now. Okay. But I got all the red pants and the yellow cheese. Oh, you did? And all that stuff to wear. Me and Nancy, she was Minnie Mouse, and I was Mickey Mouse at the big Halloween thing downtown at North Myrtle Beach at Halloween, so yeah. Well, let me hear your Mickey impression. I don’t know if I… Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse. So Mickey Mouse says his name repeatedly? Is that what? Is that what he’s known for? I don’t, I really… My wife come up with that. He laughs like that. Oh, he does. Well, you must’ve seen him since I have. I ain’t watched Mickey Mouse in about 65 years. Okay, I mean, you haven’t even come across the guy? Wow. Yeah, well, I think I did see him at, when we went to Disney World and saw him running around, but I’m taking these gloves off. Oh, you are? You can’t type with the gloves on? I can’t. Scroll. Okay, he can’t scroll. Can’t scroll. Can’t do nothing with them gloves on. Where does Halloween rate in, like, your holiday? Some people just go berserk over Halloween. It’s their thing. Candice’s husband, Carl, and I don’t know if we, Logan, had the time to do ’em, but Nancy sent her some pictures of the stuff that Carl had put out in his front yard. He, hey! That’s his holiday. He just likes Christmas. He loves Halloween. I mean- Some people love Halloween. He’s got this man that when you walk up, you think it’s somebody really standing there and his pants is pulled down. You can see the crack of his butt. And he’s peeing. Okay. And it, I mean, and it’s a full size. This ain’t no hat. This is a full size replica of a man. And then he’s got a man with a big bucket, like a 30-gallon bucket. And he’s sitting over there, and his bucket’s painted green, and he’s throwing up green stuff, and it just recirculates and puts it back and forth in this bucket. So we got indecent exposure and- Oh yeah. Public drunkenness. Pub, yeah. Yeah, so he’s one of those people. He’s one, I mean. I like Halloween, but I don’t, I’m not, I don’t know. You gotta be a little, you gotta be a little strange for it to be. But he’s, well, Carl’s a little strange, so. Yeah. He can come up with some sayings that can be kinda strange. Yeah, so. All right, all right. But you know, to each and every one. Some people like Halloween. To each and every one. And some people like all the other holidays. But I guarantee ya, Halloween is his number one holiday. But in the meantime, what have I missed? What’s going on? Well, we went out for… We dressed up for Halloween, and went downtown, and had a big time, and went to the… We didn’t win no money at the costume thing. But I’m trying to remember, Nancy dressed up as mere Santa Claus, and I dressed up as a elf. I was her elf. Oh, you had to do whatever she said. Yeah, so, you know, but we had a good time. And a lot of people running around had a big time. So it went on for about- Since you brought Christmas into Halloween, I knew you’d like Christmas more than Halloween. That’s right, yeah. ‘Cause we go out with a bunch of friends and stuff, and they dress up, so that makes it fun and everything. That’s good. It’s good you always got something to do, and you got friends to do it with. That’s right. Yeah. That’s good. Yeah, well, Link, you know, we’ve talked about different things that I cook, and fix, and eat, and I gotta give a holler out to Samantha. Do it. Said, “My, yep, my husband, Thomas and I smoked a pork shoulder. We decided to try Charles’s slaw recipe to go along with it.” Oh, yes. It’s a good one. “Yep, so first off, we both think you undersold how much work Nancy does shredding all the cabbage.” Did you? I told you so. So she said, “That was a lot of effort and produced a lot of mess.” Yeah. “Second, when we were mixing up the mayonnaise marinade, we were sure it must be too watery, and that we messed up. But when we dumped it into the cabbage, it mixed together well and made a great slaw. It’s not as mayonnaisey as most other slaws and has a good crunch. Thank you so much for sharing this recipe with us.” How’s that make you feel, Dad? Hey, sounds like they followed directions pretty good and made a good slaw. Hey, I weren’t there to try some of it, so it makes me feel pretty good. Yeah, you’re spreading the love via slaw. It’s time for another edition of Myrtle Beach Mailbag. Okay, so we got some more questions this week, Link. We got one from Allen. Okay. And it says, “Have you ever had any spooky or haunted encounters?” Okay, have you? Well, I’m not a big… Well, I’ll just tell y’all, all you Myrtle Beasts out there. I don’t watch ’em scary movies. I don’t like ’em, don’t wanna be scared, nothing. See, I didn’t know that about you ’cause I don’t like scary movies either. And Rhett loves them. I ain’t. We have to watch it for his birthday every year. That’s pretty much the only time I’ll do it. And I, like, my older kids watch ’em. I mean, I get it that it’s fun, like, teenagers getting together and watching them, but, like, stuff gets so damn demented. I mean. I mean, it’s not for me. So okay, so we’re on the same page when it comes to that. Yeah. But what? What about in real life? If they were looking to make a living on me watching, they’d have went broke a long time ago. I’m telling you. ♪ Oh, ho, ho ♪ But I have got some spooky and haunted encounters that has happened in my lifetime because when I had my old house and ghost, and that I remodeled and fixed up, Larry and Louis Miller gave me a picture, and it was supposedly of the woman that lived, Ms. Wicker, that lived in this house. Oh. And it was one of what they called lithograph picture. And it didn’t make any difference where you were standing, where you were sitting. And I had this picture right up over the bed in the spare bedroom. Nancy didn’t like this picture. Not a lot of people liked this picture. And then when I’d have some parties and birthday parties and stuff, I’d tell people about that picture. I had several guys come in, and one of ’em come in and laid down on the floor. He said, “I don’t believe that woman’s eyes follows me.” Laid down on the floor. And he jumped up and he said, “I got to get away from this thing. This is strange.” ‘Cause it didn’t make no difference where, where you were sitting and what you were doing. And one time when Lincoln was smaller- Yeah. And Lily, they came to the house. And me and Lincoln slept in that room, and I didn’t say anything about that picture. And before I turned the lights out in the bedroom, Lincoln told me, he said, “Granddaddy, you gotta take that thing down.” He said, “That woman is looking at me while I’m laying in the bed.” It was creepy. Because it, I mean, it- Oh yeah. If he had never seen a lithograph, like one of those old type of photos, it’s like, I mean. Your whole house had a creepy vibe ’cause it creaked a lot. I mean, it was from what? Oh yeah. 190-what? Well, the front part was 1913. The back part like 1880. 1913. Wow, yeah, so it had a vibe. Oh yeah. And then you didn’t have any business putting her picture up there because it, yeah. And to be a kid, I think that’s been seared into his psyche. Oh yeah, yeah. So I took it down and put it in the closet. I mean, but devil’s advocate. Yeah. If you look at any picture of anybody who’s looking at the lens of the camera, no matter where you are, it’s gonna look like they’re looking at you. Oh yeah. I mean, I’m pretty sure. So I debunked that one. Sorry, Dad. Yeah, no. It’s quite fine. Of course, there’s a lot of people here. This may be been, but there’s a place up in Chatham County called the Devil’s Tramping Ground. Yes, I’ve heard about this. And it’s got a fire pit. Well, this ain’t really a pit, but it’s got a circle on it. And it’s been a fire all the way around it, where it looks like a fire has been burned. But they say it’s where the devil has burned a circle in that fire. And you get in that pit, he’s gonna take you down to hell with him, so. Is it in the woods or in an open field? It’s in the woods. Right in the woods. Hey, listen, I’ve been to it. Does somebody own the land? Yeah. So you’re technically trespassing to go in there, but- Well, they just, it’s been there. Hey, people’s been going to it since, I think, like, the 1940s to this thing. Oh, and is it easy to get to? Does it feel very remote? Oh yeah. Well, you have to park out beside the road and walk up through the woods up through this path. Probably, I’m gonna say 40 yards or so, something like that. And if you do it. And it’s pretty thick. Of a night. And then it comes out into a spot there. I bet that’s scary. You’ve been to it? Yeah. Over years and years. And it looks like it’s burned? Well, and listen, they would, people have been up there and planted grass there. All, anything that would try to grow, and they won’t, nothing grow there, nothing. So it’s kind of a spooky place. Yeah, I’ve heard about it, but I never went there. Care about your grooming as much as me and Link do? Unleash your legendary style with Mythical’s line of grooming and personal care products. The collection features items from the hair on your face, hair on your head, and for everything else. Available now at amazon.com/mythical. And Brian sent us a question that says, “Are you a big Halloween persons and what are you most afraid of?” Well, Brian, as I got old, I ain’t afraid of a lot of stuff, but when I was a small kid and different things going on, and me and Tracy growing up, I didn’t like the dark. I was kind of afraid of the dark, afraid that there was what you can’t see. You don’t know what’s there. So I was afraid of the dark when I, you know, probably from the time I was, I don’t know if we could figure it out, four years old ’til about probably eight or nine. And then I figured out, you know, when you turn the lights off in the bedroom, there ain’t nothing there when you go to bed, and when you get in there, even though the lights are off, there still ain’t nothing there but- Did something happen to you in the dark that scared you? Just the idea of it. I don’t, yeah, I guess the idea, you know, and, you know, might’ve been kids talking about, you know, doing stuff in the dark when you were growing up and you know- Did you have to sleep with the light on? No, I didn’t sleep, no, no, no. Nana didn’t let us sleep with no light on. So you were just petrified every night? Well, I mean, I, you know. I kinda get over it and going off to sleep, you know? But yeah. Yeah, ’cause it, when you’re in the bed, you feel a little bit safer. Oh yeah. But it’s when you’re walking around in the dark, like- Yep. When we first moved into the house that we’re in now, I had to walk around my garage to put, throw the trash away. And I gotta be honest, there’d be many a night that I’d put the trash in the can, and then I’d have to, I would pick up my speed coming back in the house. I just, ’cause you, if it’s late at night, “Oh, I gotta get that trash out there. Oh man, something could be out here. Something could be out here.” And it would get in my mind. Oh yeah. And of course, you know, I was not a child. But when you’re not a child and you’re afraid of the dark, what you do is you start putting lawn lights out, like landscaping lights. That’s right. So now when I walk around to my trash can, boy, you ought to see the lights. It’s like a concert going on around there. And I just strut, I put that trash in the can, I shut the lid, and I just take my pretty little time to just to get back in the house. Sometimes I might even just hang, just look around. Just hang out a little bit. I can fix that. So I think I’m a little bit afraid of the dark too. Yeah, well, I think that’s a pretty- I’m not afraid of the dark, I’m afraid of what’s in the dark. Well, I, hey, in this day and time, with as much is going on in this world, you might ought to be- That’s right. Afraid of being out in the dark by yourself, so. See, there you go. Thank you, Dad. Well, I got another question about paint. Y’all need to look at this paint. And Krista wrote in and said, “I love Halloween.” One of those people. Yeah, one of them. “It’s definitely my favorite holiday. What’s the craziest color to paint my pumpkins for the front yard?” Okay. Well, Krista, I got something off the wall for you here. Okay. ‘Cause we ain’t gonna paint no pumpkins orange. They’re already orange. Yeah, we’re gonna paint pumpkins this green color. What, what’s that say? Electric lime? Yeah, electric lime. And I don’t know if you can tell, but when I’m right here looking at these things, it’s electric. ♪ It’s electric ♪ Boogie, woogie, woogie? I’m telling you ’cause they, if you paint your pumpkins this color and just leave a little bit of that orange showing around them, people are gonna love this electric lime. I’m telling you. Oh, man. I bet she’s wishing you’d have told her this a month ago. This will have to be for next Halloween, you know? That’s right, yeah. You’re getting a 12-month advance on this. It’s kinda like slime. Yeah, it’s kinda like that thing Carl’s got with that guy throwing up that green slime in that track scan, so. Yeah. Some puke. Yeah, so puke. So get you one of these electric lime. Thanks from Sharon Williams. And get you a quart of that paint. And in between nine next year, go ahead and get you. And listen, get it in gloss paint, gloss so it’ll shine and everything. And then people will really be able to see your pumpkins with what you’re doing and painting them, so. Hey, if you ask my dad about a color for paint, he’s gonna have an answer, period. Well, Link, do you remember when we did that dirty Mad Lib about Christmas? Yeah. Well, I thought it would be a good idea to do one about the “Monster Mash.” Okay, so we’re gonna get dirty with Halloween? We’re gonna get dirty with Halloween with the “Monster Mash.” Now how can we make this dirty? So do you want to come up with the words? You want me to come up with the words? You go, I think I’m gonna let you come up with the words. Okay, well, maybe you can help me out with a few of ’em, how’s that? Okay, the first one I need is a place. A place, oh yeah, I like your host voice. You gone into full host mode now. A dirty place? A latrine, that’s what you mean by dirty, right? Well, that’s what you meant by dirty. I don’t know. Do you mean? Do you want? What’s your voice? What do you do with it? It’s a place, it’s a place. Is this your spooky voice? Is this your “Monster Mash” voice? This is my “Monster Mash” voice. Okay. All right, latrine. Okay. It’s like an outhouse, right? Now, and this one repeats. Erection, boner. Boner. Okay. You know? Oh. I mean, there was a guy. There was a guy whose name on “Family Ties” was Boner, you know? Yes it was. You can say Boner. All right, go ahead. Verb. Verb, verb, vibrate. A boner vibrate, oh. All right, yeah. Well, there’s other words in between, I assume. Yeah. But yeah, I guess, the Boner could. Yeah, okay. What else? Place, repeats. What do you think about sex dungeon? Yeah. Did we use that one in the night before Christmas? Or is it just on my brain all the time? You know, once the kids go off to college, what are you gonna do with the room? You’d like to talk to Christie about that, but- Yeah, that’s true. But I mean, you could put in a good word for me, Dad. I will, okay. Okay, yeah, just call her and be like, “You know, you got, if you’re gonna redecorate, maybe a little sex dungeon? You know, I’ve heard Link talk about it quite a few times.” You know, just kinda slip it into normal conversation. Slip it in, okay. I got you. Great. Then we got place. Place, place, place. Help me out, what’s another dirty place? The DollHouse. What is the DollHouse? Well, that’s the place where all them women dance, and they ain’t got no clothes on. Is that in Myrtle Beach? Yeah. Okay, Thee DollHouse. Okay, what else? Verb. Splooge. Splooge, okay. Plural things. Anal beads. I’m pretty sure this is in the Christmas one, but it, we gotta use it again. When I think of things that are plural, that’s the first thing that comes to my mind. Anal beads. I don’t know if you’re telling stuff about yourself or not, but- No, I’m not, I’m just- Okay. Yes, okay. I just know things. You know? Body part! Taint. Okay. You know what the taint is? No. I think, I don’t know how the saying goes. It ain’t your your wiener and it ain’t your butthole. It’s right in the middle. Okay, I ain’t heard that one, but… It’s just a no man’s land between your privates. Okay. Plural noun! Hairy balls. Why you make that face? I know, I understand the assignment, Dad. I mean, and what? I feel like I’m getting an A plus. Me too ’cause they, I thought you was talking about me, but… Oh, . No, no, no, no, it’s not personal. Okay, person! Well, who’s a sexy person? Sexy nurse. Person! Another person? Sexy teacher. Adjective. Gotta throw in a little moist. You love it or you hate it. You like the word moist? Yeah. I like it too, a lot of people do not like it. Person! Another, oh, you gotta give me a person now. Raquel Welch. Raquel Welch. You seen her lately? No. Yeah. I think she died. Oh, okay. All right, we can go with that though. That still works. Yes, she’s . I can still visualize her in them things, okay? Yep, okay, there you go. Body part! Raw nipple. And the last one is band name. I guess I gotta go with Aerosmith after last episode. That’s good. I’m still thinking about that story. Okay, that’s the last one. Are you ready? I guess. I was working in the latrine late one night. Yeah. When my eyes beheld an eerie sight from my boner from a slab began to vibrate and suddenly to my surprise, they did the mash. They did the boner mash. No! Whoa, no! Link did the boner mash. No! It was a sex dungeon mash. Yeah, it was. Link did the mash! No, don’t mash it. It caught it in a flash! I bet, yeah. Link did the mash! They did the boner mash. Stop saying that. From the DollHouse in the Castle East to the east bedroom with a vampire splooge, the anal beads all came from the humble abodes. Where were they? To get a jolt for my taint. Link did the mash. Not again. They did the boner mash. No! Link did the mash. Link did it. It was a sex dungeon mash. They did the mash. It was caught on a flash. They did the mash. They did the boner mash. Oh God. The hairy balls were having fun. Yeah. The party had just begun. The guest included the sexy nurse, the sexy teacher, and their son. Oh. The scene was moist, and all were digging the sounds. Raquel Welch on chains backed by the bean hounds. The raw nipple bangers were about to arise. Oh no. With their vocal book, Aerosmith. Yeah, man, Aerosmith showed up at this party, who’d done know? ♪ They did the mash ♪ Don’t do it. ♪ They did the boner mash ♪ Oh! The boner mash, it was a sex dungeon smash. Yeah. They played the mash. Don’t wanna mash it. It was caught in a flash. They played the mash. Stop. They played the boner mash. The boner. It’s not made to be mashed. Was that it? Is that it? Oh God, I hope so. Yep, that was it. I love how you ask, “Is that it?” Neither one of us could take anymore. It was happening to us. Oh God, end it. Oh, that couldn’t have been more torturous, I mean, it’s a sexless dungeon. Well. Don’t mash it, man. Yeah, don’t get in the mash no more. But you know what, Link? It’s been fun being here today. Until the end, yeah. Yeah, you dressed up like Elvis and me dressed up like Mickey Mouse. But you know. Oh, you’re still doing the voice. Do you know that? Yeah, oh, okay, well. As long as you know you’re still doing the voice, I don’t want you to, like, go on with your life and not realize that you’re stuck in that voice. Sometimes it gets in your brain. You can’t help it. Yeah, you gotta, I mean, we gotta get into November without this voice. Yeah. And please don’t mention the boner mash ever again. Oh, we’re not gonna, but don’t forget to tune in next week for another mini dispatch. And please click those Follow and Subscribe buttons for us wherever you get your podcasts on YouTube. And don’t forget to rate and review us on the Apple Podcasts. Please do. If you got a joke, question, or comment you’d like to share with me, email me at ratherbshaggin53@aol.com. And we can’t wait to spin your world around again, and hope you had a great Halloween. So we’ll be getting in something new in a couple of weeks, so we’re gonna spin your world around again next time. So y’all join us on “Dispatches From Myrtle Beach.” This is Captain Funbassador signing off. This is Captain Funbassador signing off. All right, great. Love you, Dad! Love you too. Wow.