EB 157: Is Australia The Greatest Place On Earth?

(electronic music) – Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I’m Rhett. – And I’m Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we’re gonna figure out, is Australia the greatest place on earth? – Oh. – And why are we qualified to explore this question? Well, because, heh, we– – We’ve been there. – We’ve spent a little over two weeks there. – Well I think it was a little under two weeks. – We spent a little under two weeks there. – As two guys who spent a little under two weeks there, we know enough to come to a definitive conclusion as to whether or not Australia’s the greatest place on earth. – We’ve got a lot to fill you in on because, yeah, we are fresh off of a record-breaking length of vacation. We have never in the history of our lives, well I don’t know about you, but I know for certain I’ve never been on a three week vacation. – Me neither. – When you tack on the fact that we also went to Fiji. I ain’t braggin’, I’m just statin’. We went to Fiji, after going to Australia– – Or Fee-gee. – Fee-gee. – As they say in Australia. – That’s not exactly how they say it, it’s really hard to get the rhythm of how they say things. – Fee-gee. – Eh, they also put eh at the end of things, in Fiji. – I’m talking about the way Australian people say Fiji. – You’re right, they say Fee-gee. – Fee-gee. – I know I’m not doing it right. Longest vacation we’ve ever had and we were both there for it. Together. With our families in tow. – We’ve only ever done like a week at a time and because we were able to make this a little bit of a work thing with the tour stops, we were able to kinda justify it. We were like, when are we gonna be in this part of the world another time? We’re gonna be flying back over the South Pacific over all these beautiful islands. – Well you gotta stop in Fiji. – You gotta stop somewhere. I mean you gotta get gas. Actually you don’t have to, you can fly direct there, but– – We flew directly there but you can’t fly directly back when Fiji is in the way. You gotta stop, and so we did. Of course we didn’t want to, but we had to. – And it was a bit of an experiment, bringing everybody along, we’ll talk about the ins and the outs of having actually a 10 person group ’cause we took our families but we also took our assistant Jenna with us. – And there was a lot of calculation that went into it. The planning, I’m not even just talking about the tour component, I’m just talking about saying okay, over a year ago, could have been like a year and a half ago, we were talking about, okay, not this summer, but next summer, we’re gonna take a long vacation. I remember we started to have those conversations, ’cause you gotta start protecting calendar time so it doesn’t get eaten up by stuff. The past few summers were dedicated to filming Buddy System, so we knew we wanted to take some family times. And then once we had the experience of the Tour of Mythicality, and it was a ground swell of Mythical Beasts asking us to bring it down to the under. To the Aussies. – I like how you had already said down so you wanted to not say down under again, I like that. It was a good recovery. – Thank you. – Bring it down to the under. (chuckling) – Well I learned that from them, that’s how they talk about it. – Well it should be like a slogan for some sort of Australian business that we should open up. – Or just the tourism department. – Bring it– – Down to the under. – Not gonna try to use an accent because– – Don’t wanna fall in that trap. – I don’t wanna insult my favorite people on earth now. So this trip was a culmination of over a year of planning and then of course we got into doing the tour dates, so let’s just take a second and say, thank you to all of you Mythical Beasts down there in the under who came out to our shows: Melbourne, Sidney, Brissie, as they call it, Brisbane. – I gotta say it was– – They call Brisbane Brissie and they call breakfast brekkie. They have like a cute way of saying things. – Well they shorten things in general, even though those technically aren’t shortened. – They shorten them in a happy way. – Right. – You know like, oh you went to Brissie, you went up to Brissie. It’s like yeah, it was great. We’ll talk about it, but that’s just how they talk. In a happy, shortened way. – So we’re gonna talk all about our experience but we do wanna talk about the Mythical Beasts who came out to the shows on the Tour of Mythicality because you never know what to expect, I mean, having traveled around the U.S. doing the show, we always had great crowds. There’s a combination of that particular group of people and the venue that you’re in and also how we’re doing as performers that kinda creates this unknown response that you’re gonna get in the moment. And you never know if you’re gonna be like, this is an incredible, super lively crowd that stayed engaged. Oh they got that joke and they got that joke, and they were all the way to the end when it gets really weird. I gotta say, the Australian crowd was, I mean this is one data point, this is one point in the whole argument that we might be making that Australia is the greatest place on earth, that we might be talking about at least amongst the best Mythical Beasts in the world live there. – I’m not gonna say they got a great sense of humor but I will say that they seem to find us funny. (chuckling) – We felt completely at home, and listen, we’ve been told that the way that we think about things or our style of humor appeals to certain pockets in the world outside of the U.S. and we had heard that Australia was one of those places but we did not really anticipate the level of connection that there would be. – The funny thing that we heard multiple times that I could never have expected, we have the meet and greet after each of the three shows, and people would say again and again, “I love your accents. “You sound so American.” And we’re like, well don’t you listen and watch us, like, a lot? And they would say things like, “Yeah, but it’s so much more pronounced in person.” That’s what they would say. – And we’ve never been on the receiving end of that, but as Americans who have not, we haven’t traveled extensively. We traveled around the U.S. pretty extensively but not the world very extensively and there’s obviously a lot of people from a lot of different places that come to America and you know the old adage that if you’ve got a different accent, that you’re immediately interesting and appealing to Americans. – Oh yeah. I didn’t know if it worked in reverse. – The response, it was interesting, it’s just like, the way I speak– – ‘Cause I would think it would have been like, ugh– – It sounds boring– – Eye roll. – Yeah, it seems boring. It seems like a newscaster from Oklahoma. It’s kinda where we sort of landed in terms of the way that we speak. – But I do think when we interact on an interpersonal level, I guess I realize that our accents come out more, when we’re not in a performance mode, like when we’re not on the show or something. When we really let our hair down. – We’re just being real– – We’ll get just loose with it. – It’s so nice to meet y’all. – You’re just such a good, good audience. – That’s how we talked the entire time. – Let’s take a picture together. – Anyway, thank you all– – It almost sounded creepy. – For coming out. – Let’s take a picture together. – We actually, we met a lot of Mythical Beasts– (Link chuckling) We met a lot of Mythical Beasts who didn’t even know that we were there to do a show, so we learned our lesson– – So not at the show, on the streets. – We might need to do a better job at advertising, where we’re gonna be a place, but– – We’re gonna be at other places in the future so go to tourofmythicality.com if you wanna see us in Toronto, Jersey. – Yeah and those shows– – One more spot. – Those shows were up– – It’s in my brain. – For months ahead of time so just remember, just check that site. – Let’s get into just our over arching impressions of the continent of Australia. I think there’s a stereotype that the people are nice, but I’ll say for a continent that was colonized by prisoners, it’s a really nice place, I mean, that’s quite a strange juxtaposition. They’re not like in shackles anymore. – But also, we learned quite a bit about the history, it’s petty crimes, and apparently, people who commit petty crimes, short of murder and stealing horses and stuff like that, small crimes– – Stuff like that, they would just kill you. – Apparently– – They would execute you, is the word I should use. – Apparently if your ancestors committed petty crimes, you’re more likely to be just a generally nice and easygoing person. – Well they would– – So the moral of the story is we should begin committing petty crimes now so that generations down the line, the great-grandchildren will be easygoing people. Right? No. – I’m not gonna respond to that, all I’m gonna say is– – Okay good. – The people were indeed nice. I didn’t meet anyone who was currently a prisoner. At least they didn’t tell me that. – And we were in cities, I mean, there’s 24 million people in Australia. The majority of those people live in the major cities, ’cause there’s not a whole lot of people that are like living in the middle of the Outback, of course. They kinda live on the coast, but you’ve got almost 10 million people just between Melbourne and Sydney, so you’re getting almost half the country there and people in cities that big tend to be, at least in America, once you get into a place that is really large and becomes impersonal and you don’t really know your neighbor and you don’t know the people that you’re walking past on the street, people just kinda become a-holes. And it’s just part of the culture, I mean that’s the way it is in Los Angeles. But there just really was this pleasant interaction with people at all levels of interaction, like somebody at a restaurant or somebody that was driving you around or whatever. – Well and the thing that we read was that there’s a cliche that they think Americans are too loud. And so I was self-conscious about speaking loud, because I was like, well they’re probably correct. And then, a great test to that, at least how different they perceive conversational volume than we do is on the television. – Oh gosh, Australian television. So when I was in the hotel room, I just (clicks tongue), turned on the TV and it was like I’m gonna flip around this Australian TV and get a taste of it. – A little cultural orientation. – Come to the down, come down to the under and see what’s on the TV. Does it work in that context? That worked. – Yeah that was great. – And first thing’s first, game shows. There were like four game shows on the 25 available channels but the game shows were, I gotta say– – Anti-exciting. – I’m not gonna use the term boring because it’s the greatest place on earth– (Link chuckles) But the most understated, everything about them was understated, the way the hosts would just talk about this volume right here, but then, there was a game where they were just doing math, or maths, as they say. Like literally they had a white board– – I didn’t see this. – And there would be a couple of numbers and then you would have to do on your white board like how do you get from this number to this number and then they would turn it around and show their math, like they’re in school and if they got it right, the audience would be like– – Good maths! (clapping softly) But they wouldn’t yell, they’d be like, good maths, good maths. We’re gonna take a commercial break now, but when we come back we’re gonna have more maths. – And then I turned to, I guess it was ESPN or their equivalent of ESPN, it was a sports channel and they were talking about footie, which I learned all about, and am fascinated by. A lot like rugby but different Australian rules football. And they were analyzing it, but, just for perspective, in the U.S., the way that all the sports channels and all the sports shows have gone is, now you’ve gotta have a strong opinion, in fact, like half of the shows on ESPN are based on the premise that there’s two guys and they’re arguing against each other– – They don’t even believe it it’s just they know they gotta conjure up some sort of– – Yeah you have to disagree. – Sharp opinion. – You have to have a strong opinion and you have to defend it. Well it was just three guys sitting around talking about like this and they were just all agreeing with each other. (muttering softly) (Link laughs) You got a good point about that. – It’s pleasant, man. – It’s just they’re all so pleasant. – It’s pleasant. – I gotta admit, I didn’t continue watching, because I feel like my sensitivities or my sensibilities have been tuned to people just nearly killing each other about every single possible issue. That’s the way we handle things in America, so to see people just pleasantly discuss things, it’s boring to me, but maybe I could adapt. – Something that was weird, I don’t mean to complain, ’cause this is not a complaint, it’s just an observation. I hit a speed bump trying to figure this out, but every receptacle, I’m talking ’bout a plug, like an outlet that you plug your stuff into. Of course we had to bring adapters ’cause their plugs are wonky. – Well maybe ours are wonky, ever thought about that? – Nah, theirs are wonky. They go sideways, they’re wonky. – They go like this, yeah. – By the strictest definition– – They’re at 45 degrees. – Yeah, the two top slots. – A little wonky. – But above everything where you can plug something in, there’s a switch, you notice that? We never talked about it. – You could turn the outlet on and off. – Which is tough when you’re plugging in your adapter and then you’re plugging in your phone charger, and then you’re plugging in your phone, and then, well after I’ve done all that, you gotta remember to also flick on the switch above the outlet. It must have been like a law. – At some point, it’s part of the code, yeah. – It’s part of their code, you gotta turn on the receptacle after you’ve plugged into it. – I think it has something to do with being descended from petty criminals. – Well it’s safety. – Let’s think about that. – It’s safety. It’s probably so a kid just can’t think it’s like a keyhole. – Yeah but what if the kid just flips it on and then thinks it’s a keyhole? – Well, then that kid deserves it. – Ultimately, I think that it is– – All American kids deserve it if they put a key in, but Australian kids only deserve it if they’re smart enough to then flip the switch too. – I think it is a superior system, and I’m not just saying that because I want to build the argument for Australia being the greatest place on earth. I think it’s a superior system because, if you have a device that is on when plugged in and doesn’t have a power switch, like, I don’t know, there’s gotta be one out there. If you wanna leave it plugged in– – Maybe a hairdryer that’s malfunctioned. – Well you know how when you’ve got something plugged in, you’re like, I know that there’s power going into it right now and there’s some switch on it that’s keeping the power from going. This is how electricity works. It’s a hose of electrons that are just pushing their way into that hair dryer– – And they’re on the tip. – And the hair dryer, it’s got a switch that’s keeping ’em and they’re building up in that hair dryer about to explode. – That hair dryer getting blue balls. – I want all that electricity pressure to build up in the wall, not on my device. – Right ’cause then when you– – That’s clearly what it is. That’s science. – ‘Cause then, when you unplug it, either way, you’ve still got a hair dryer full of– – Electricity. – Electrons. – Think about it, you unplug it, it’s just like (makes blowing sound) it goes somewhere, right? – Well it happens either way, man. It’s not better in Australia. It’s the same. – You cut it off, it stays in the wall. – Oh you’re saying once you’re done with the hair dryer, you leave the hair dryer on but you turn it off of the wall so it drains all of its power. – (chuckles) Yeah. They’re probably saving– – Kinda like a garden hose. – They’re probably saving cents on the dollar because of this technology. – Do you leave water in your garden hose, outside of your house here in America? – Yeah so it’ll heat up and be like a warm bath the next time I got it on, yeah. – Well you’re talking out both sides your mouth now. – Well that’s water, not electricity. Totally different thing. – And the two shall not mix. – They shall not mix. – Well I’m sorry I sent us off on that tangent. – Did you also notice that in public places like airports and restaurants– – I wonder if the hair dryer gets firmer– – Hold on let me say– – If it’s full of electrons. – Airports and hotels, that there was a dedicated shaver outlet that said shavers only. Did you see this? – I didn’t even see that. – As a man who shaves, I would have thought that you would have tuned right into that. – There’s a shaver outlet? – It said shavers only at the airport and at the hotel, there was a shaver only. And I was so upset I didn’t bring my shaver. – Well now I have a reason to go back. (Rhett chuckles) The toilets do flush the other way, but I did not note that. Christy told me that last night, when I was like, “What are some of the highlights for you?” She was like, “Flush does go the other way.” – Well the reason I didn’t note it and still doubt whether or not it’s true is because– – I doubt it too but my wife told me. – All the toilets that we used didn’t have a swirl. They were just– (making fervid sucking sounds) (slurps in air) – It was like a trap door. – A little man came up and– (Rhett makes sucking sounds) – I mean if we’re talking about restrooms– – It sucked it straight down, there was no swirl. – Every restroom that you went to, and let me tell you, brothers and sisters, I went to the restroom a lot. I’m telling you, I had a ball! – Is this a sermon now? – I mean– (Link chuckles) Pass the plate, ’cause I need to get some TP. I need to– – Oh gosh. – My budget, my TP budget’s running low. – In the analogy now. Clean– – What was I talking about? – Talking about how clean they were. – No, hand dryers. – Oh the hand dryers. – They didn’t have any paper products. I don’t even think they have woods in Australia. They must not. – Yeah. – Think about it, actually we did see woods. – We did. – But they weren’t having to turn it into toilet paper I guess. – Petty criminals like to have their hands blown on. (Rhett chuckles) – Right, blow off the– – Because they’re constantly snatching little insignificant things, and you don’t wanna rough ’em up with paper towels, you want air, man. Dyson is from Australia. – That’s why. – Dyson is Australian for vacuuming, isn’t that– – Are you sure that Dyson’s from Australia? – Pretty sure, look that up. – Can you verify that? – I’m pretty sure, man. The guy on the commercial’s Australian. Anyway Dyson everywhere. – And you know like the air- – All kinds of things. – The air blades. I always have a crisis of conscience about what I’m thinking if I like them or not. Like I really love a good Dyson technological advancement, but it’s tight quarters for your hands, I feel like I’m really touching the stuff that everyone else is touching. – But they had different things, they didn’t just have the blade– – They had all kinds. – They had a hole. They had air holes. – They had air fins, they had it all, man. – Again, this is this theory– – I’m talking about everywhere we went, and yes, we have confirmation that– – Yeah, it’s from Australia. – But listen– – If you’re one of the next 30 people to agree, then you also can say you were right. – Perth, the place we didn’t go. – That Dyson is from Perth, on the other side of the continent. – And shout-out to the Perthians– – I’m sorry. – Who came to the show and complained about us not going to Perth. I guess we’ll have to check it out next time. It’s a big country, it’s on the other side. – But we’re talking about the restrooms. – Yeah but just one last thing about the petty criminals because– – Give it to me. – ‘Cause you’re talking about sticking your hands in things like holes and slits and different things. They stick their hands into things without knowing it– – They’re used to it. – And taking things out– – Makes ’em comfortable. – Constantly picking things out of each other’s pockets, so they wanna continue that thing on with the– – Sanitation. – The sanitation. – The drying. – Yeah, petty criminals. – I mean, we would at the beginning of each show, we would build rapport with our audience by talking about how great everything was, because it was just easy to come up with something. So we found ourselves talking about how clean the public restrooms were because everywhere we went, especially in Brisbane where we’re like walking down the river walk and it’s just immaculate. Everybody’s using stuff and no one’s messing anything up. Like nice things are staying nice. We go into the public restroom, it’s nice. I mean, we were gushing about it talking to Fallon. We’re like, oh we gotta tell, we’re gonna devote precious Tonight Show minutes to gushing about the cleanliness of Australian public restrooms, and that should say it all. – Yeah as opposed to what would happen if it was in America, which we won’t even rehash it because you can see that on our little Fallon segment. Okay so you got our general impressions. We’re gonna talk about some specific things that happened on the trip in a second, but first, we’re gonna take a short break to let you know that Ear Biscuits is brought to you by this shirt that I’m wearing right now. – We sell merch and you help make this possible by supporting internetainment. – I’ve got on the dink it and, what do I have on? – [Link] Dink it and sink it shirt. – I’ve got on the dink it and sink it shirt. Sink it, it has a mouth on the front that says GMM on the tongue, it says dink it and sink it on the back, it’s just one of many t-shirts that you can find at mythical.store. – Go over there and just browse around. We also have an Amazon store. Got some of the same stuff, some different stuff. Oh man, it’ll surprise you. – Oh man, it’ll surprise you. – Thanks for supporting internetainment. So we went to Melbourne first. We had a friend who was just from the outskirts of Melbourne, he was really building it up and he was like, “I always gush about my hometown, “but people kinda roll their eyes, they just don’t get it, “but I think when you go, you’ll get it.” And I do, I think we got it. – We got it. – It’s great place, y’all. – Every place we went is great. – Highly recommend going to Melbourne. – Every place we went is great, but I think the family consensus, the consensus between the two of us and the consensus between our wives and our kids is that Melbourne (clicks tongue) was the best. – They got really good food, I mean, anywhere, if you trip and fall you’ll land in a flat white. Which if you’ve been to Starbucks in the past year or so, they started pushing these things called flat whites, which I didn’t know what it was. I was just, okay, Starbucks, whatever, I’ll get one. Well that’s the main thing they got down there. – It’s basically a latte without the foam. – Without the foam, which, I was like this is brilliant. – More coffee. – Less foam. Foam sucks, if you ask me. Except just a flat little layer of it. Anywhere you fell, you’d land in one, and it would taste great. – And it would taste good. – It validated my problem. – Your problem. – My addiction to coffee. – Well as someone who has not been drinking coffee and been drinking mostly tea, almost exclusively tea, just ’cause coffee messes up my stomach and my skin and stuff. I still like coffee more, but you know, I’m cursed. I was like, I’m not gonna go to this place and not have the coffee. And, I mean, it was a combination of having abstained from coffee in general, so I was getting like my first latte in months, but it was the flat white. It was absolutely incredible and it didn’t matter the cost, it didn’t matter the level of the place that you went. It was, a nice restaurant had great coffee, and a little hole in the wall had great coffee. It is just an abomination what has happened, I don’t know how. America got to a place where coffee for most people is this thing that is just dripped into this glass mug that is– – You’ve been so snobbified. – That is on a hot plate. – I’m there with you, man. – And it’s sitting there in a diner just burning and it’s just poured out for you without any care. – Or mixing with gas fumes at like a convenience store. – And it’s just bitter. There’s just something beautiful, they respect it so much and they give it to you in the way that you want it, and it doesn’t happen– – We’re talking about prisoners here. They didn’t invent it. – Right. – They just said, all right. This is done really well in other parts of the world. – They probably stole their first batch of beans. – We’re gonna steal it. We’re gonna steal it. – They stole it and they made it better! – It’s not hard! – If you’re gonna steal something, make it better. That’s what you can learn from Australia. – If you’re gonna steal something, really steal it. Go all the way. – Yeah. And then the food in general. I mean, at all places, but the first meal, the first day. First of all, the adjustment going. Everybody was like– – 14 hour flight. – 16 hour flight. – From LA. – Your jet lag going will be okay. Your jet lag coming back will be the worst you’ve ever experienced. Listen, we’ve been back well over a week. We went to New York and now we’re back again. – That made it worse. – I am still out of sorts. I cannot sleep at night. – And I’ll get like nauseous for no reason. – Yeah, ’cause you’re seeing the toilet go the other way and you didn’t even think about it. – It’s mesmerizing. – You’re being hypnotized by your own feces. – Meat pies. – Everything was great. – We didn’t get this until we went to Brisbane, but I think it’s everywhere. You go to a bar and you can order chicken parm. – Oh my gosh. You’re not gonna believe this. – They’ve taken chicken, and they’ve schnitzeled it out, they’ve hammered it out until it’s like as big as, I don’t know, a human torso. – Yeah, depends on the human. Probably a child. – Breaded it up. They’ve made chicken Parmesan. – And you might be like, okay, chicken Parmesan. Okay, again. – But it’s so good! – They didn’t come up with it– – They stole it! – Italia came up with it. – They stole it. – They stole it from Italia. – But they went all the way! – And they made it better! – And they serve it in bars. – You go in there and you get this giant piece of perfectly breaded, slam down chicken. – If you take it to go, they put it in a frickin’, what appears to be a pizza box, but that’s just for you. – And listen, it’s not this piece of meat with a piece of cheese on it and then slathered with marinara. No no no no no no. This piece of meat, it had a thin layer of marinara sauce, then a piece of ham. – The things we’re talking about– – A thin piece of ham. – We devote so much time to chicken parm and receptacles. – And then just this piece of cheese that covers the whole thing, and it was just one of four different kinds you could get at this pub. – They got these things called laneways, which, here’s my advice when going to a city that you’ve never been to. Very early on, like I’m talking day one. – Maybe day two. – Sign up for a walking tour, a highly rated walking tour, if you’re into food, make it about food. If you’re into art, make it about art. We took a street art walking tour in Melbourne ’cause they have streets that are designated, it’s cool to put what some people call graffiti, but I call street art– – Or tagging. – Up there and tag it. But then you kind of, it’s a way to be guided for a few hours to then have your interests peaked about other things that you can come back to. We made the mistake one time in New York, which we’ve been a lot, but we started doing, we did a food walking tour which was great, but we did it on the last day we were there, and it actually became very frustrating because we found a number of things that we wanted to go back to and we didn’t get to do that, so that’s just a little practical piece of advice, take a walking tour early. But we saw a few of these streets that were like, I mean everything’s really spaced out, and what we learned from the walking tour was that the architect who planned it, he just made it really wide and he fought tooth and nail to make the streets as wide as they were. – He had a giant horse. He had a really fat horse. – Must have had a really, must have gone seven wide. – Yes, a seven wide fat horse– – But now you can have both lanes of car streets, but then still have plenty of room in the middle for trains, which you can hop on and off of for free. You can get anywhere in the city. – I can’t remember what they call those. – They didn’t call them trains– – They had a specific name for them. It wasn’t a trolley. – Tram cars or something. – But basically it was like a San Francisco trolley. – So in stark contrast to that, you look down what appears to be a much more narrow street, which was not planned by the architect, but then as things were built up, they made these narrows streets which were akin to, I don’t know, what you might see in London. Well, I’ve never walked around– – I haven’t, but it’s European style, so basically, the streets that you can drive a car down them, but you don’t anymore and there would be like one lane and there’s lots of cobblestones. – Lots of cafes. – And the cafes have their seating out into the laneways. – So there’s no car at all. – I’ve always– – It’s so cool, it just feels so cool. – Well I have this thing for nooks and crannies. Like I’m really in, like when I see– – Rhett’s a nook and cranny man. – I don’t know if it’s because I’m so big and it has to be a big cranny for me to get into it, but if I can get myself into a cranny, I will nook it right up, you would not believe it. And so, I– – I don’t know what a cranny is, but, when you get in there, I’m like, that must have been a cranny. – I absolutely love getting into these small places. That’s one of the reasons that New York is one of my favorite places on earth, because you can walk and then you look down there, there’s a freakin’ door down there and it looks like there’s people down there having fun and there’s people above them and– – They’re having fun. – Everybody’s doing something and it’s nooks and crannies, man. They always called New York that. – Sometimes I’ll be like, I’ll be in nook and cranny land, and I’ll be like, “Where’s Rhett?” And I won’t see you anywhere and then I’ll back track a block or two and I’ll just see him wedged in what I will understand it as now a cranny. – Yeah, sometimes you have to lube me up to get me out. – It’s like, hey, break out the lube. – The cranny lube. – Right. – (chuckles) I keep a lube of cranny lube in my back pocket. – I’m nooked out here, you gotta lube me out of this cranny. – When a big man likes crannies, she’s gotta have lube on hand. – Nook lube. (Rhett chuckles) Is it cranny lube or nook lube? – They’re both, it’s kinda like the two sides– – Different companies. – Of Twix. – No it’s like left and right Twix. We sell both at mythical.store. Nook lube and cranny lube. – That’s a secret. – And we set up this whole marketing thing where they’re competing against each other. – Nook lube versus cranny lube. – Your favorite is nook lube, my favorite is cranny lube. – Not to be confused with granny lube, which is something we’re not gonna talk about. (Rhett chuckling) – Yeah but you just did. – We went and then we booked a day trip out of town, we went on the Great Ocean Road, which, by the way, they stole from us. The PCH highway along the western coast of the United States. – Yes, that’s what the story is. – They stole that and put it along their coast, which is absolutely beautiful. – He’s not kidding ’cause we went on a tour and they guys said– – I don’t kid about anything. – The guy that came up with the idea for the Great Ocean Road had recently visited California and saw the– – Pacific Coast Highway. – Yeah and he saw PCH and was like, I wanna do that in Australia. – But the Twelve Apostles is like the destination. But it takes from Melbourne, you’re going further around south. I think I got my cardinal directions correct, but who cares! – You’re going west, really. – Three hours, you’ll get to Twelve Apostles, which– – [Rhett] There are not 12 of them. But basically it’s giant– – Rock pillars. – Rock formations that used to be a part of some monolithic cliff that began to be eroded down and then there are these pillars that, we were told that at no time were there 12, but because there were 12 apostles, it was a cool thing to say Twelve Apostles, but I think there’s only six or seven at this point, depending on how you define one, and they’re like falling down, like a couple of them have fallen down in the past 20, 30 years, anyway, I actually, I follow a couple of– – It’s a beautiful place. – I’ve been following even before I knew we were gonna go, I’ve always loved the idea of Australia, and I follow a couple Instagram accounts. One is basically dedicated to all the stuff on the Great Ocean Road and so I’ve seen this on Instagram millions of times, but I got to go and check this out. And so we went on this tour– – You’re welcome. – Yeah you set this up. – Thank you for saying that. – We went on this tour with everybody and then we weer on a bus with, I don’t know, 15 to 20 other people. – I’ll apologize for that part of it. – You told me that we were gonna be alone. – I thought we were gonna be alone, we’re on a bus with too many people. Too much condensation in that bus. Whewf! – And that’s why I was late to the bus, man. I was late to the bus because you had told me it’s just us and so I was like (clicks tongue), I got something in my cranny I gotta get out real fast, I had to take a dump, ’cause there wasn’t another way of saying that. – Shut up. – (chuckles) And I was like, I gotta– – First of all, that’s a misuse of the term cranny. All of that, everything we built. We spent all this time building up this great thing about nooks and crannies, it was the high point in the podcast. – I’m sorry. – I just found myself thinking, you know what– – We’ll edit it out, I apologize. – If this podcast sucks from here on out, it’ll be fine because of what we built from nothing with this nook and cranny thing, and then you decimated it. – Now you’re thinking about my butthole when you hear about crannies. – You misapplied it. – Yeah, I know, I’m sorry. – You misapplied it, it has nothing to do with that. – All right, I had to defecate, sorry. I should have just said I had to use the restroom. But I wanted to give you a sense of time. – Well anyway, we get to the Twelve Apostles, and let me tell you– – That’s why I was late to the bus– – It was worth suffering in the back of this bus. I mean literally, you and I were the last ones on ’cause I was waiting for you. – (chuckles) I sat in the last row, in a smaller seat– – It was horrible. – That was also lower, but it doesn’t matter, ’cause I’m kinda like a giraffe. – But it was worth it because it was so beautiful. And let me tell you, we had a good time. I had a great time. Christy, my wonderful wife had a great time. We had a great time together. I mean we just bonded. It was amazing, we were taking photos with our family. And it was just a– – It sounds like you’re setting up a juxtaposition. – It was a milestone event in my relationship with my wife, it was just a bright, shining beacon of what our relationship, it’s what we aspire for it to be. – Hm. You’re saying this because you know that my wife and I had a misunderstanding. (Link bursts into giggles) While on the tour. (Link sighs) Yeah, it got pretty heated. I honestly do not remember exactly what the subject of the argument was. – That just made it worse. – Well no– – So you didn’t even learn your lesson. I don’t know what you did, but I know you did something wrong, ’cause she was mad with you. – No, it was, I don’t remember exactly what I said but I said something that she took as me being critical. And she was like, “You don’t have to parent me,” or something like that. – I think it was related to the taking of photos. – No no no. That was, so no, see, we had an initial conversation. – Oh. – That was about something I had corrected her about, and she got mad at me. And then– – I asked someone to take a photo. – It was your fault! (Link laughs) – I didn’t know you were already fighting! – Now that I think about it, it was your freakin’ fault, because I had made up. And you know what I told her? And you know what I told her right before you did that? – Look how angry you are. – I told her, I said, “I am not going to say one judgemental “or critical thing for the rest of this trip.” – And then you catch up with us and I’m like, “Kids, gather round. “Can somebody take our photo in front of the Apostles? “It’s so beautiful.” – And then– – And then she was like, “I’ll do it.” And I gave her my phone. – She gets up there to take the photo, and here’s honestly what I’m thinking at the time. I’m like Link is super particular about photos, and I know exactly what you want in your photo. I know how you want the head room and the composition and you want this to be a special moment, and so she’s volunteered to take, and again, this is why it is a problem and I have contributed to it in our marriage– – But what, this is why this is my fault? – No, ’cause I said, “He’s not gonna like that.” (Link chuckles) And he was like reaching for the phone to take the picture, and she looked at me, and just, she may have given me the bird, I can’t remember exactly what happened– – It was tense. – But she got so mad, and she just walked off. – It was the straw that broke the camel’s back– – ‘Cause I had just said that I wasn’t gonna do it anymore, and then you set me up, man. You set me, hold on. Was this a setup for real? – No, it wasn’t. – So I’m sitting there chasing after her thinking I’ve got to make this right, and this is when Christy says that she told us later that she could see other couples, she was in a place where she could see couples go past us and then get close to you guys. – Yeah ’cause we were all walking back at this point. – And Jessie and I were arguing and it was like, I was trying to apologize but then I got mad because she wouldn’t accept my apology, and we’re like mad at each other, and people like see us arguing and then they start talking about us and you could hear the things that they were saying– – Yeah and then they would pass Christy, and she would hear, “Man, they are really upset at each other.” – But the ironic thing is, or the beautiful thing is– – That it was a great picture. – That we got great pictures and my wife posted to her Instagram and Twitter or at least her Instagram, she posted a picture of us, a family picture and she was like, “Life hack or tip or day,” or whatever she said. “Always remember no matter what you feel like, “or even if you’re in the middle of a fight “with your husband, smile in your picture “so you can look back on this memory “and not remember the argument,” or whatever. It was much more eloquent than what I just said. So she took this picture, she smiled this beautiful smile for the picture– – For a selfie. – And then as soon as the picture had been taken, she was just back to– – Don’t you ever do that to me– – You do not parent me. I can figure out how to take a daggone photo on my own. – It’s funny that you said ironically and you were talking about your thing but also, I thought you were gonna say ironically, the picture she took was a good picture. – [Rhett] Oh it was? – [Link] I was happy with the picture, yeah. – Oh good, yeah see, I have a problem, man. We actually continued to work through that throughout the trip and it happens– – Good thing that there was like another eight hours in the trip ’cause it took that long. – I mean the trip, the vacation. – Three weeks. – Because it is something, as she has pointed out multiple times, it’s something that comes out while on vacation. There’s a special type of, it’s just the ingredients for family conflict, they all exist– – What is it? – Me, first of all, right from the beginning of the trip, because we see, I have travel anxiety in a way that she doesn’t, so I’m the quintessential dad who gets the family to the airport 14 hours early, you know what I’m saying? I’m like, “Get up, everybody, we gotta get there! “We’re flying on Wednesday!” I have this anxiety and I’m not typically an anxious person when it comes to a lot of things, but, I get anxious about the parts of a trip that I feel that I actually have control over, so, in other words, as soon as I get through security, my heart rate goes way down because I’m not nervous about flying, ’cause it’s in somebody else’s hands. – Nothing you can do. – If we’re gonna freaking crash, but I do have the power to get to the airport, to make the right decisions about where we’re gonna park or if we’re gonna take an Uber. – This is understandable but how is this a problem? – It’s a problem because she does not exhibit any sense of urgency or concern or anxiety at all about these things and so what we kinda landed on, what I ended up doing is I start getting mad at her and she gets mad at me for caring and I get mad at her for not caring about these things and it just starts this tension that builds. So– – Well you assume that she cares none, just because she’s not at a height that’s like frantic level that you are. – Well I tell her– – And then you start to– – Me and you have talked about this before when we work with people that we haven’t worked with before, and sometimes might be somebody who’s directing us or doing something and it’s just like, they don’t seem too understand the gravity of this in the way that we do. And it’s not necessarily true, it’s just some people don’t express their anxiety in the same way. Me and you know when we’re anxious about something. So yeah it isn’t that she doesn’t care. Anyway, I don’t wanna get into counseling situation, but we actually– – Too late. – We made some progress because what I communicated to her is okay, listen, I’ve got to learn to not be critical and to point things out and to be judgemental and let this tension build. And what she agreed to is to just not let it feel like it’s all my responsibility for all these things and for her to kinda go along for the ride, but she’s actually going to, she sees that I have to signal that I am concerned about these things and just an acknowledgement that I am concerned about getting to the airport on time or packing right before the last minute, that’s enough to put me at ease, it’s just an acknowledgement of it. – How does that apply to the picture though? – No I’m saying in general I can be critical, but it starts when we travel. – Oh. – The tension is increased– – You’re on the edge. – So now you’re on the edge and so any little thing like that will just (snaps fingers) can set one of us off. But we got through it and by the time, I mean, first of all– – And they both feel like you were parenting her is how she puts it. If it’s like don’t take a picture that way, or we gotta get to the airport. I get that. – Yes. – What can I do to help? – Well, next time you sense that that is happening– – I didn’t sense anything was happening. – Don’t ask either one of us to do anything. – I just wanted a picture, man. – Just do a selfie or get a stranger. – Get a stranger. – Get a stranger, ask a stranger to take your photo. – Then we went to Sydney, and… We check in the hotel and then we walk a block and we’re like, we’re in the middle of a furry convention photo shoot. – [Rhett] Yeah. – [Link] Which was on our Instagram. – [Rhett] Let’s explain how this happened, because, first of all, it was– – So weird. – The most controversial Instagram photo ever posted to the Rhett and Link account, based on the amount of debate in the comments section. Now– – We walked up to the fountain at the nearest park, we’re just strolling around, and everybody’s in full head to toe mascot wear. I’m just like, I’ve heard of furries. I saw an episode of CSI, the original. – Mhm. – Way back in the day featuring furries, one of which I think was dead, and it was weird. But, I never experienced furries in person. – You might have been able to decipher this based on the look on my face in the photo. I know about the, I kinda know about– – The rep. – Yeah, the reputation that furries have built. – Which is? – That there’s just some stuff, there’s some stuff that goes on. You can look at the Wikipedia. You can look at the controversy side of furry-dom on the Wikipedia page. I’m not gonna go into the details. I’m not validating that, I’m not confirming that, I’m not denying that, I don’t know anything about it, but I knew about their reputation in some circles. – You’re also not condemning it? – Again, I don’t know if it’s a founded reputation. I don’t know anything about it, but I’m saying that as we were there I was like, this will be funny. People will think that it’s funny and it will start some comments if we take a picture with furries. – And I’m like, “Cool! “People in full body suits! “Fur.” – And I think a lot of people on our Instagram account– – “Wow.” – Thought that we were just completely clueless and had no idea what we were doing. – Yeah, I’m not completely clueless, but– – But let me tell you right now. – As much as I seem, but. Most of the time. – Lots of those furries were Mythical Beasts. I mean literally in one sense. – Which is enough for me, man. I’m in. (Rhett chuckles) Well I’m in, well I’m not in. I mean I don’t have a costume. – I will say that I did have one, I think she was a squirrel or something, I don’t know what she was. But she was with her husband and she got a little– – Her husband was not in a suit. He was the photographer, a photographer. – She got a little fresh with me. I haven’t used that term in a long time, so maybe you’re not familiar with it. All I’m saying is that I was taking a picture with her and she really– – She latched on with her body. – She got up on me like I was a pole that she was holding onto in a tornado. – Or let’s say a tree that contained her nuts. – Yeah and she got her leg up into a space. She really latched on, right into my cranny. Oh gosh, I shouldn’t– – Don’t do that. – It was my nook, actually. She put her knee in my nook. And I was uncomfortable. – Let’s not say she. Let’s say the squirrel, because I think– – Because it was a squirrel, I didn’t mind. Maybe that’s the whole thing. Maybe it’s the secret to furry-dom. – I do think that’s what it is. – Hey we’re just animals. Who cares. Who cares if my wife puts her knee in your nook. She’s just a squirrel. – As long as the composition is good and you don’t parent me into how to take the photo properly, I think this is a win-win. (Rhett sighs) So we got some good traction on Instagram which is really all that matters. Mission accomplished, you guys fell for it. You fell for it. – Yeah. – It’s great. – Sydney is different than Melbourne– – But you should see my suit, guys. (Rhett laughs) – Yeah, Link is now a furry. You’ll never know which one he is though. Sydney’s different than Melbourne, it’s a little bit bigger. Not a lot bigger, but it is– – More people smoke publicly. – Absolutely, it’s a beautiful place. You’ve got– – They’ve got this thing called the Opera House. – Oh yeah, you know about that. – I actually thought it was really cool when I saw it, I was like, whoa. It’s such an amazing piece of architecture. – It’s beautiful, the bridge is beautiful, we’ll talk about the bridge in a second. The whole harbor, the bay there. It is one of the most beautiful places that I’ve ever been. – Took a real boring walking tour right when we got there so it doesn’t always work out. – I think that the density of Melbourne and just the fact that every single experience we had was so great there, and while in Sydney it was a little bit more hit or miss. It was a little more New York, and I absolutely love New York but can feel a little bit like, and I guess LA’s the same way, it just kinda feels like, there’s so much here, I really don’t know exactly what to do. – It wasn’t as distinct. – Right. – It was more of a, everything is there kind of a thing. – Yes. But we decided to do the bridge climb, which– – Well this is Jenna’s thing, ’cause like, I was the one making all the things, saying, “We should do this, we should do that,” and Jenna kept bringing up this bridge climb and I kept saying (mutters under breath), “I don’t know. “I’m cool with it.” I mean I knew Christy would not wanna do that, so like, I wasn’t pushing it, but like, every time I turned around she mentioned that bridge climb and then we finally did it and I’m glad we did. – Oh, it was a highlight. – Christy didn’t do it, but, at one point on the bridge climb, the guy’s taking photos all along but at one point, he says, “Now I’m gonna take a little video.” I said well, me and the kids got together and we took a little video ’cause they said, we’ll put it on Facebook ’cause they like to promote the bridge climb I think. And we said, we gave Christy a message, we were just like, I got the kids to say, “Hey Mom, miss you, wish you were here.” And I’m like, yeah. I bet this is gonna get me laid. That’s what I was thinking. – Oh cool. – ‘Cause that’s my idea, you know, it’s like, “We’re up here having the time of our lives, “but we love you and we’re only thinking about you.” – That’s what it takes for you? You gotta climb to a frickin’ bridge and make a video? – No, but it helps. You know, you gotta be always thinking about it. – Did it work? – Yeah. – Congratulations. – I was like, “Hey, let me show you “the photos we took today. “Oh, here’s a little video from the family.” It was my idea, I was really thinking about you. – You’re really setting the standard pretty high. – I wanted to be with you– – I just want you to know. – At the height– – If she begins to– – At the literal height of Sydney, I was only thinking about you. – Just word to the wise though, you don’t wanna necessarily set those expectations and set that standard in order for there to be– – I gotta scale something– – Business time, you have got to do some sort of incredible display of your love. – The bar’s gotta come back down. – Yeah yeah yeah yeah. – Along with me, off the bridge climb. – Highly recommended though, absolutely fascinating in the way that they have the engineering degrees that we still have– (both chuckling) That we don’t use. There’s a part of us that gets into this type of thing. The system that they have established that gets you onto this bridge climb and the way that everything is hooked to your body on this onesie with all these hooks and then you hook into this thing and you’re literally attached to this wire the entire time. The entire time that you go all the way up to the top of the bridge and all the way back down. – ‘Cause we should clarify that it’s one huge arch. – It is the longest single arc suspension bridge, I don’t know, in the world. The type of bridge that it is is the longest single span. – So at a certain point you’re literally walking along that top part, like the tallest point on the bridge. – And we did the twilight so we saw– – The sunset. – The sunset at the peak of the bridge. Absolutely incredible. Now one of the things I saw when we got to the place was that, this is an operation that has been, they’ve been doing this for awhile and they’ve got, it’s a really incredible operation when you walk in and there’s all these photos popping up on the screens of all the celebrities who have been on the bridge. – Benedict Cumberbatch. – You’ve got Will Ferrell and, basically almost every actor or athlete that you can think of has been– – Benedict Cumberbatch. – Has been on this bridge and taken a picture. Now, this is one of those situations where we show up and I see all these pictures and I’m like, okay, my ego, my ego sets in a little bit and I’m like, well, they know they got two world-class YouTubers up in the house right now? (chuckles) – Oh yeah. – And I wanna be like, what’ll it take for us to get our picture up there in the Will Ferrell rotation? – Right. – But of course, you can’t be the one that says anything about it, and I’m not gonna go tell Jenna to say something to them, so I just kinda didn’t say anything at all. But that was why, we weren’t next to each other, we had our families kind of in between us or at least a couple of kids in between us. – ‘Cause once you pick an order that you’re gonna latch on and go on the route, you can’t change order because you’re literally latched in an order. – Right, but I was like, on the off chance that at some point, someone who works at BridgeClimb– – Might happen to– – Figures out, oh those guys are on YouTube. Let’s take a picture of the two of us together, and that’s where that picture of us in the onesies together came from. And listen, I haven’t been back to BridgeClimb, I don’t know if you guys have put us in the rotation. You don’t have to. I’m happy as I am. I don’t need to be in the rotation to feel validated as a person. – We don’t need high altitude validation. – I mean I’ve got cranny lube, I don’t need your system. – As I’ve already established, I got what I came for. – Exactly. And my wife– – And nothing to do with a screen. – My wife went with me. Mm. (Rhett clicks tongue) – You shoulda– – Also my youngest son got sick. Remember that part? – Yeah, like, coming down all of a sudden, I realize every time we stop, he’d just kneel. He’d take a knee. Why is Shepherd taking a knee? Every time we stop. – I thought– – He’s queasy. – Is it because we’re climbing– – We were high up, it was scary at first. – But he’s not, that’s not his disposition, he’s not one to be shaken in that way, so I was like, oh, hopefully this is not something worse. Turns out it was something worse. And that’s why he was actually sick and that’s why I had to stay home with him the next day– – Yeah the next day– – When you guys took the trip. – The next day we did another day trip out to the Blue Mountains, it was freaking beautiful out there, there were these vertical ravines and you can go on all these different– – Well don’t build it up too much, I didn’t get to go. Make it seem worse than it was. – Transportation devices that take you on these amazing, beautiful scenic routes. It’s pretty awesome, and then– – But it wasn’t that great, was it? – It was great. It was so great, Rhett. – But it wasn’t like a highlight of the trip. – It was a highlight, man. I mean at one point, I’ll tell you this. We went into this, they called it a cultural presentation but it was– – Oh I missed a cultural presentation? – It was a aboriginal information session, slash dramatization. – There’s a lot of izations in that. – And they talked about, well they put on this dramatization where the guy, he re-enacted the discovery of the didgeridoo. Like, when flowing through a hollow log that made a noise and then he picked it up and started learning how to play it, and then this guy– – That’s how it happened? – That’s what they said– – Legend has it. – Legend has it. And then he starts playing a didgeridoo in this small little theater, and it was amazing, man. I didn’t anticipate that watching a guy masterfully play the didgeridoo 11 feet in front of me could bring me to the verge of tears. But it did. It’s amazing. And then they developed way to mimic different wildlife in the Outback. – With the didgeridoo? – With the didgeridoo. Talkin’ ’bout all different types of birds and all types of stuff, man, it was amazing and artful and really cool. – But it wasn’t a can’t miss. It wasn’t a can’t miss. – I would not have missed it if I were me, or you. But you did miss it. And then after that– – I watched Shepherd watch Cartoon Network all day and he literally watched the same episode of some show four times. – We went to a wildlife– – Can’t miss, it was a can’t miss experience– – Sanctuary and you can’t feed kangaroos, just walk up to them and feed ’em. Which you can also do at Disney World, but don’t worry about that. – Yeah you can do that at Disney World, they can do that in Florida, that’s where I’ll do it. – I was at point blank range with some koalas and they smell funny. And then– – Like how? – Like weird– – Like a musk? – Like a eucalyptus musk kinda situation. – That actually sounds like a great fragrance. – (chuckles) But it is not. – I’m gonna start adding that to cranny lube. – You could pay extra to feed the koalas and the kangaroos which we did, and then you go into the next section and there’s wombats which are like god awfully huge gerbils. I’m talking ’bout like a pig-sized guinea pig. – Really cute gerbil, based on the pictures, of course, I haven’t seen them in person. – Mixed with like a beaver in the face a little bit. And there’s signs everywhere: we bite. Any direction you look, there’s a sign that says we bite. Do not feed the wombats. – Let me give you my perspective on this because I get a text from my wife with a picture of my son holding his hand up and it says, “Locke got bit by a wombat.” – Locke tried to feed the wombat. Turns out they bite. (Rhett chuckles) – Who would have known? – Aggressively. I didn’t see it happen but I mean, I saw blood. I saw evidence of an altercation. – It drew blood. – Like, I’m talking about on the path. I’m talking about, I didn’t know, I walk up to wombat station and I see blood, don’t see Locke, and I’m like, and then I start looking for (chuckles), I started looking for Locke because he’s the best candidate for that. – Yeah, he had a couple of accidents. – I mean you’re feeding kangaroos, then there’s a wombat, you know, you don’t look at signs, okay, whatever. I keep throwing your family under the bus. Mainly you and your son, but, I got a story that I’ll throw Lando under the bus in a little bit, ’cause we haven’t even gotten to Fiji. – Fiji, yeah. – Fiji, we should move to that. So we did our shows. We patched up the kids who needed patching up. Locke, namely. – Yeah. – And we left Australia thinking, we will come back. I mean it’s just, it’s like the greatest place on earth as far as we’re concerned. I’m really interested in going into the Outback, like I wanna do like an off-roading thing. – Yeah, well– – I wanna do a race with Hamish and Andy where we see who can get across the continent first. And of course we’ll cheat. ‘Cause we ain’t got time to actually do it. – They’re gonna win, without a doubt. But, yeah, I’ll say that we went in the peak of winter, which first of all, is real mild in Australia, at least where we were. The weather was incredible. I would like to go back in the summer. Lots of people said go back in the summer so we can re-experience the beaches and the way that they are intended to be experienced. But I’m gonna say that I’ve been to some incredible places. It was also the fact that we got to experience multiple cities and we got to be there for an extended period of time, that helps. – Yeah, that was cool. – But I gotta say that it is my favorite vacation. Favorite vacation, favorite place that I’ve ever visited. And I haven’t been a whole lot of places, but right now, on my list, Australia is my favorite place on earth. – It was my favorite place. It was my favorite trip because we did such intense sight-seeing and I mean, we only spent one day in Brisbane, but that’s where we got the chicken parm and did the show, family didn’t come, then we flew back to Sydney where they were. It was intense, active sight-seeing and just that on its own would have just been exhausting, so the fact that we had five full days in Fiji, aw man, that just really, I love the arrangement of going hard for sight-seeing and then going light. – Yes– – With just on the beach. Just sprawl out and let it happen to you. Let Fiji happen to you. – Since you encouraged me to thank you for the excursions of which one I didn’t get to go on– – Thank you for choosing this. – The stopping in Fiji– – Brilliant! – And picking the specific place, that was based on research. – Rhett’s always been obsessed with islands. – Islands are my absolutely favorite. – If there’s like a long, awkward pause in our life, he’s probably gonna bring up an island. – Well the funny thing is is, now I’m beginning to see, I’m really into nooks and crannies and I’m really into islands and I got to experience both. Is there an island– – Big adventure for you. – Full of nook and crannies? Because that would be absolutely incredible. – We flew into Fiji on the mainland and then we took what they call a speed boat, just a really fast boat that still took 30 minutes to go, it was dark, so it was hard to tell exactly what we passed. Some islands, and then we went to the island called Castaway Island. I don’t know if that’s the proper name of the island. But it’s the name of the resort on the island which is the only resort on the island which at low tide, just to give you an idea how big the island is, you could hike all the way around the island in an hour, so it’s pretty small. It’s the only resort on the island and there’s like 60 individual huts where you can stay, that’s all. That’s the extent of the island. – When we were planning this trip, first of all, Fiji has over 300 islands, and I’ve always wanted to stay on an island that small where I felt like I was stranded, right? – You think it might be the huts on stilts that are over the ocean water, but that’s like Bora Bora, that’s not Fiji. – We did pass some– – There were a few. – But that’s not really what it’s known for. The travel agent that we were using actually was like, “Well, you guys have got kids, “you probably should do a resort on the mainland, “’cause they’re gonna get bored,” or whatever. And I was like, “Listen, I don’t know if we’re ever “gonna go back to this place. “I don’t care how bored the kids get. “I want to live like Robinson Crusoe on an island “that I can walk around,” and that’s why we chose this place. And so the boat pulls up to the island and the guy is like, “It’s gonna be a wet landing.” And we’re like (chuckling emphatically), and then we realize that there’s no dock. The boat. And we had all our luggage, the boat just pulls up to the sandy beach. – Yeah like two foot of water. – And we have to literally take our shoes off and roll our jeans up and walk into the ocean to get onto the island because there was not a dock, I mean that’s how island this island is. – But there’s resorts on all of these little islands because they’re all protected by a barrier reef from huge surfs so there’s not surf crashing on any of these beaches, it’s like totally swimmable, just mild. It still got windy, but there wasn’t the waves crashing on the beaches ever. Especially on the side of the island where we were luxuriating. – Mhm. – I mean, I’ve never, it’s just the best place I’ve ever stayed, man, I mean it’s like, you stay in this hut, and then you walk onto the beach. – You see these postcards though. I’m obsessed with islands but I see these postcards or these pictures on the internet and I’m just like, we’ve been to Hawaii and Hawaii’s incredible and beautiful. – [Link] Yeah. – But at least the parts that we went to, it wasn’t like that picturesque beach with the palm trees and the hammock, but that’s what this was, it was like that– – And it wasn’t just palm trees, there were all types of trees that grew right up to the beach. And then the huts were like in it, it was just really amazing, it was perfect, man, it was everything I’d hoped for. So then I’m like, I’m sitting on my lounge chair. I got my little drink from the bar that I just walked down there to and then, I’m in the shade ’cause I don’t like to sit in the sun. And I’m like, I’m getting kinda cold. I’m just gonna go out there on the sand and I’m gonna splay out. And I’m just gonna get warm. I’ll come right back to my seat. Next thing I know, I’m plastered all over Instagram. – Shout out to the @rhettmc Instagram account, that’s mine. And shout out to @linklamont who does not activate his Instagram account, ever. And that’s why I put him on my Instagram, although I do tag your account, you’re welcome. – Thank you, so, how am I supposed to put stuff on my own Instagram if I’m sleeping? (Rhett chuckles) – It’s a good question. – It’s like, I’m sleeping, dude. I’ve got better things to do than social mediaize. – I have noticed that Link strikes a very particular pose when sleeping while traveling, usually it’s the mouth open, and I like to get pictures of that and post it on my Instagram but then when I saw him splayed out on the beach I was like, this is a whole new thing, I’m gonna make this into like an artistic photo set. – [Link] Did you know I was asleep at first? – [Rhett] Yeah. Either that or dead. – You could tell? – [Rhett] Yeah. – [Link] ‘Cause I’d been there long. – You had not moved in minutes, definitely. – It was a little odd. I mean, seeing the photos that you took and there were plural. – Yeah I basically just moved towards– – I didn’t realize how odd it was– – Kept taking pictures. And of course my wife and your wife are watching this whole thing happen– – Gettin’ a kick out of it. – And then I used, okay, interesting tidbit about this place. No TVs, no internet, so it was really legitimately off the grid. Now, there was internet at the office area so you could go up to like this restaurant and get on the internet but the internet was like slow and not reliable. As is evidenced by the fact that, it took me like 30 minutes to post that photoset, but I just sat there waiting for it to happen because I knew that it was gonna– – Was it worth it? – Make a lot of people happy. Oh yeah, totally worth it. Totally worth it, thank you. Thank you for posing. – Thank you, it was a pleasure to be your muse. Once again. – And we also, ’cause you need to tell that story about Lando, but– (Link chuckles) – Okay, yeah. – We went to, now it’s called Castaway Island and a lot of people, a lot of travel agents, including the one that we use, incorrectly think that the island that we stayed on is the island where they film the movie Cast Away. Well– – Starring Tom Hanks. – First of all, they do have supposedly the paddle that Tom Hanks used on his raft in the bar in the restaurant, but it’s just like up there and it says Tom Hanks paddle from Castaway, 2000. – And if kids act up or get too rambunctious, they take it down and they paddle them with it. – Right, actually Tom Hanks comes up. – He shows up and he does it. – He lives in a hut. You can actually see the real Castaway Island, Modriki they call it, or Monuriki, it’s got two different names. It’s about 10 miles from the island that we stayed at and you can see it basically as you’re on the beach right there in front of the house that we were staying in. – Unless you’re sleeping. – And we had signed up to take a boat trip to the island for a day. – That was super cool because there’s nothing– – This is why we watched this movie with our kids this year because we knew we were gonna go. – There’s nothing on that island. I mean, you could probably, I don’t know, you can’t hike around that island with the way that the water hits the beach. – It is smaller than the island that we stayed on. Probably half the size. – But it’s taller. – Yes. – And I really couldn’t tell, there’s the scene where he tries to end his life at the top of the island. I really couldn’t make the connection with the landscape that that was actually shot there, but– – There was a couple of places that looked like candidates, but, the main thing that we were struck by, so the first thing we did, we get on the island. First of all, the Fiji attitude towards everything is kinda like, I’m not gonna give you any warnings about things, I’m not gonna tell you guys what you can’t do. There are no rules. These guys just took us on a boat to this island. We’re the only people on the island, and the kids just immediately, we’re all wearing water shoes, like reef shoes, and– – Because we are cool. – Yeah just as a fashion statement. They just start hiking up the island, and we’re just going through the palm trees and then going up into the woods and up to the top of the island as far as we could get. But then, we came back down and got, shout out to the @rhettandlink Instagram. We were like, let’s come up with a post that we can do, ’cause they’ve got like the help me in the sand, you know. – [Link] I think we may have implied with the photo that we arranged the coconuts to spell help me. Full disclosure, Ear Biscuiteer, because you’re an insider, we found it that way. – They do that, that’s just part of the thing, and also the volleyball is something they give you when you go on the tour. – It’s something that Spalding sells. Go online– – Wilson sells it. – Wilson. – If Spalding sold it, that would kinda, that would sorta go against the– (Link laughs) The whole thing. – What if you got the generic Wilson sold by Spalding? – Spalding! (Link laughs) It doesn’t work quite as well, does it? – No. I wonder if Wilson paid for that. – I don’t know, it was a different time. Anyway, we tweeted and we Instagrammed @tomhanks because he’s like, you know, he’s a social media guy. He signs everything with Hanx with an X. – And then he responded. – Not. He responded not. To finish that sentence. – No, he didn’t respond. – Yeah, he did not respond. Or he responded not, I’m using 2000 terms. – Well if he would have responded with not, I would have been very happy. (Rhett chuckles) Not! When we left the island on the way back, said, “You wanna go snorkeling?” They took us to a special place to go snorkeling and I had almost an existential experience. Snorkeling over this reef in pristine waters. Christy told me later that she was so moved emotionally by how great the snorkeling was that she started crying inside of her snorkel. – And let me just say– – Tears of joy. – I am so happy that you both enjoyed the snorkeling to such a degree, like– – We had never snorkeled in such pristine waters. With elevation changes like that. – But the interesting thing was, I had a really great snorkeling experience in Hawaii where there were like large sea turtles and big fish and it was awesome. – You cry in your scuba? – And so, and this was great, in fact, I think that the coral side of it and the vastness and the freedom and the fact that we were the only ones there all made it incredible. And I absolutely loved it. I have a little bit of a complaint with my beard, it’s like I don’t get a good seal so I can’t stay down as long, whatever, but, you guys were so into it that there was a part of me that was like, what am I missing? Your wife came up and said she’d been crying and then we’re like, “Where is Link?” You were just gone, you were a couple of hundred yards away from the boat, just continuing on in one line and I was like, what is happening with Link? – Did you think I was never coming back? Thought I was about to come out Aquaman? – I thought what had happened was, you talked about how you have a little bit of a phobia with the water and going and holding your breath and going under and that kinda thing. – Yeah I do. – And I thought that you were like dealing with like a personal fear and you were like, I’m gonna go as far away from the boat as possible as like a personal exercise, and that’s why I was like, look at him go. I was like look at him go, he’s dealing– (Link laughs) He’s dealing with his phobia and he’s so far, if he gets pulled under by a shark, we can’t help him, we’re so far from him, but he doesn’t care ’cause he’s overcoming his fear. But no you were just enjoying yourself. – I was really just enjoying myself, but I did decide that I think to fully conquer my fear of being underwater, I’d like to get, I’d like to do scuba. – Yeah. – So that snorkeling experience was amazing. It was a highlight of my entire life. (Rhett laughs) Because for the first time, I was introduced, in perfect conditions, another world. So it was a first for me in that way. In sharp contrast to the two days before where we signed up for our for-first snork. I can’t speak anymore. Let’s just end it. When we signed up for our first snorkeling expedition, we had to take, the wind was up and we went to the outer reef. Very rough to get out there. And then, we start jumping out of the boat, and I’m concerned about Lando because this is the first time he’s snorkeled, not ever, but on this trip. – These conditions, I mean, as somebody who I feel really confident in the water, I was not confident about that many people getting out of that boat in those conditions. I was really uneasy ’cause it was super wavy. As soon as the boat stopped, I started getting seasick because it was sorta like a side wobble kinda thing happening and then when I got into the water, I got even more seasick because the waves were that high. So was like, hm, I don’t know how this is gonna go for the kids. – Half of us jumped out and then they told us all to scramble back into the boat ’cause we had to go to a different place, so there was a little bit of panic at the beginning. We get back in and then the instructor re-iterates the instructions, and I’m sitting beside Lando, I’m like Lando, I’m gonna jump in, then you’re gonna jump into me and we’re gonna snorkel together and Mom’s gonna come with us and then we’re gonna follow the group and do what they say. We’re gonna all stay together. ‘Cause he had this nervous look on his face, especially having jumped in and having to immediately come back in the boat and scramble back in. And the instructor’s saying, “Okay, so remember the hand signals. “Thumbs up means everything’s okay, stay with the group. “So you can give the thumbs up if you’re cool. “But if you want to come back to the boat, “just wave, just wave like you’re waving goodbye.” We jump in the ocean again, and Lando jumps to me and he gets this look on his face and he’s like in pain, and then, I actually start getting bit on the leg. It turns out it’s like ocean fleas, I think is what they’re called. – Ocean lice is what they call it. – Ocean lice? – I don’t know. – Boy that sounds pleasant, doesn’t it? I’m gonna have those for the rest of my life now. No, but– – [Rhett] I think it’s little jellyfish or something, I don’t know. – They bite you and it does hurt, and he was particularly sensitive to it and was being bit more and he got upset, and Lando, I mean he’s eight. When he gets upset, sometimes he goes full throttle upset. And he starts just saying, “I gotta get out of here,” and I’m like trying to calm him down, trying to calm down, and then I’m like right in his face and I’m like, “Lando, you’re gonna be okay,” and I’m rubbing his leg where he got bit, I’m like, “It’s gonna be fine. “They’ll stop, you’ll get used to it. “Just start swimming with us,” and I’m trying to talk him back into being calm and then all of a sudden he’s like, I could just see the look on his face, he just made the decision, he was like, screw you, dad, I am not staying in this ocean. He didn’t say that out loud, but then he turned toward the boat and he just started waving and yelling, “Goodbye! (Rhett chuckles) “Goodbye! “Goodbye!” The whole group is like, what? He thinks his life is ending. He certainly was acting like his life was ending, but he thought the instructor was saying, if you wanna get back in the boat, wave goodbye, which to him also meant scream repeatedly, “Goodbye!” – Because it’s over for you. – “Goodbye, life!” – You’re never getting back in the boat. – “I’ve enjoyed it while I’ve been here! “Goodbye, everyone I love! “Goodbye to Australia and the rest of the world! “I’m going down with the ocean lice!” – I saw this from a distance. I couldn’t hear the goodbye but I saw the waving, and I was like– – Screaming bye. Christy comes over there. He did the exact same thing to her. She couldn’t talk him down, but then, we teamed up and we kept turning to the guy and I’m like giving him the thumbs up, we’re like, we calmed him down, you know what? And then, lo and behold, he snorkeled with us for the rest of the duration of that excursion, which wasn’t that long ’cause it was choppy. But he didn’t go back in the boat. – He didn’t go back in the boat. – And I was like, “You know what, Lando, “I’m so proud of you. “You did it, buddy. “You had courage and you overcame your fear.” And then two days later, I overcame my fear and I swam like Aquaman. It was a growth experience for my entire family. – In that first trip was not, there was nothing to see, man. There was really nothing to see. – Nothing to see. – It was kinda cloudy, it was a little too deep and it was– – Except everyone else watching Lando. I think that’s the only thing we saw. All in all, a tremendous, yeah, I agree, I think the combination, the one-two punch of Australia and then luxurious Fiji was just a brilliant combo, I mean, taking the longest vacation we’ve ever taken after not taking one for, a proper one for years, I feel like. It feels good, man. I’m so glad we did it. Our kids don’t, they don’t know how to appreciate it. – Yeah, you kinda have to just– – Let’s not even get into that. Why am I gonna end on that? – You kinda just have to get over it. – Forget I even said that. – Well you know, because, in one sense, we don’t appreciate it either. – No. – I mean the thing is– – Well I just said I appreciated it. – Yeah, you do, but what I’m saying is that– – But I don’t. – Think about what happened with the Fiji trip. Think about how excited we were when we got off that boat and they escorted us to that table and gave us our drink and gave us our food and had that fish curry the very first meal. – That was peak. – And I told you, I was like, “This is the best place I’ve ever been.” – Yeah. – But my expectations were so high, and we talked about this, we talked about this on a previous podcast about you have to, you can’t have these expectations. But, right or wrong, by the last day– – I’m ready to go home. – Kinda ready to go home. – I’m ready to go home. – It was a combination of the fact that it was a small place and that basically we’re eating at the same place over and over agan. – I just missed Jade so much, man. I literally had to take her, she’s the wallpaper on my phone, she’s my screensaver. I literally had to take her off my phone, I just couldn’t bare it. – Was she happy to see you? – Yeah, I think so. – You sure she didn’t forget you? – No. – I don’t know, I saw the way she was looking at you the other day and it seemed like– – Suspicious. – It seemed like it was a new man. Anyway. Highly recommended if you’re gonna do that trip. I definitely recommend going to Australia. We’re gonna go back at some point. Now, I don’t know when that’s gonna happen. A lot of people ask things like, “Well you guys seem to kinda indicate that “you were gonna go back next year.” We didn’t say we’re gonna go back next year. We don’t know what we’re gonna do. Just know that we don’t keep anything from you. If we’re going to do something, as soon as the plans are something that you can rely on, we let you know. – Sit tight. – I don’t know when we’ll be back, and I don’t know exactly what cities we’ll go to but we had such a good time, we have every intention to return. – In the meantime, use #EarBiscuits to continue the conversation with us. I’m trying to prioritize. I know you do a good job of this, for the most part, just to continue the conversation on Twitter. So let’s do that, #EarBiscuits. And also, share this episode with someone who has yet to listen to an episode of Ear Biscuits, that makes a big deal. – Maybe somebody who– – I’m gonna make a big deal out of them. – Maybe somebody who likes to travel, maybe somebody who’s been to Australia, maybe an Australian, maybe a Fijian. Maybe somebody who’s always thought about how much they like nooks and crannies or islands. There’s lots of reasons that you could share this particular episode. – Thank you for doing that. We’ll speak at you next week. – Yeah. To hear this Ear Biscuits in its entirety and make sure you don’t miss an episode, follow the links in the description to subscribe on Apple Podcasts or anywhere else podcasts are available. – [Link] To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right. – [Rhett] To watch more of our daily show Good Mythical Morning, click the playlist on the left. – [Link] And don’t forget to click the circular icon to subscribe. – [Rhett] Thanks for being your Mythical best.