(upbeat music) – Welcome to Ear Biscuits. I’m Link. – And I’m Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are exploring, what happened over break, man? – Hey Rhett, what happened over break? – I don’t know, we hadn’t talked about it because we want to talk about it on Ear Biscuits, man. – Imma tell you what happened over my break. – This is my 2019 voice, man. – Yeah, we– – 2019, I’m regressing (chuckles). – Post-break. It’s syrupy and Southern-er than normal. Yeah man, ’cause we did that thing where we been back, we been doing a little work. We been doing some stuff but we been holding back our full reports. – It’s like when you held it in in Camp Caraway for a week. – Right. Or everyday at school. I mean– – You never took a dump at school? – I can probably with 98% confidence say never. But for all of– – Wow, what? – For all of my grade school, middle school and high school. Never once did a number two at school. – Now, let me just interject for a second and say, I did not know this was what the conversation was gonna be, I’m sorry I brought it up, I don’t necessarily wanna– – That’s what I call perfect attendance. – But I will say, I didn’t make a habit of it. It wasn’t like here at work where I’m kind of just like a clock, you know? You have your tea. – Oh yeah, I wait to do it here at work ’cause that gives me something to do here at work. ‘Cause I mean, what else am I gonna do, work? – Yeah but, at school, because the facilities are usually– – Semi-public. – Soiled in some form. – Well, all the other kids see your sneakers and– – Yeah. – And your pants around your ankles. – You gotta have your dookie shoes (chuckles). You take your dookie shoes– – Out of your pockets. – No, in your backpack. You take your backpack to the stall, you get your dookie shoes out, you put them down, nobody knows it’s you. – Well, I gotta tell Lando that. – Yeah, if you had dookie shoes, you can crap as much as you want at school. – None of my kids. – Know about the dookie shoes? – No because that is not a thing, Rhett. Of course they don’t know about it. – My kids don’t either and I didn’t make a practice of it but I’d say probably at least a dozen times over my school career I ended up having to drop a load at school. I mean, I’m a person, man. I’m just a human, 2019. – I am a professional anal retention human. So, I’m sorry to get graphic, but by definition, I’m good at that. – You are (laughs). – Thank you, Rhett. – So, I have a– – We got a lot to unload on ya (laughs). – Yeah, you know, we’re gonna move right on from that. So, I did a little– – And this is for real, by the way. The last time we talked about this, it was before the break and we were joshing. – And I specifically, I did wanna talk to you about your wife because your wife indirectly hurt me over the break and– – I hope emotionally. – And you know, okay, so– – (laughs) I have no clue what you’re talking about. – I don’t know exactly when things happened, I just know that this podcast will be live for everyone to listen to. – After the LTAT. – After the LTAT, where we talked about this, so– – Yeah, so that’s all, you mentioned it. You’re talking about that photo. I saw the photo and I was like asking about, what’s wrong with your leg? – I’ll give a little more context for the photo shoot later when we talk about our respective trips but I did have a photo shoot in Cabo San Lucas in which I was wearing a watermelon outfit that we talked about on LTAT and Link. (Link sighs) I was a little self-conscious about it but Link did point out, what’s that wrong with your leg? What is that stripe on your leg? – I thought it was– – Okay, so it was this past Saturday, yep. – I thought, I mean, you were standing on the beach, I just thought that your leg hairs had like formed a rivulet. – Captured the wind? – I thought it was like wetness formed a hair rivulet on your right shin. – It was a scar. – What? – It was a scab that, if you had of seen it two or three days before that, it would have been black scab in that, in that formation. It’s your wife’s fault. – From what I saw of it, it was, the rivulet or scab was, I mean it was– – It was a line. – A good eight inches. – Yeah, it was a little bit of a s-curve. You wanna know how it happened (laughs)? No, I won’t tell you (laughs). You know what, you’re not interested. – What I’m making up in my mind is probably a lot better. – So, as you know, we and some of our close friends decided to do Secret Santa and the way that it was organized by one of our friends who took the initiative was there was some website, it’s not secretsanta.com but it’s something like that and you go and you put everybody into a hat, essentially, a digital hat, and then you find out who you have to be the Secret Santa for. – I can’t remember, I would like to remember what it’s called but I can’t. If they’re a sponsor, I definitely would, I will say that and I do like it because when you get your assignment, then you can click on the person and then they have the option to put something on their wishlist, something they would like. – But only one person did that. Only one person in our group put what they wanted on their wishlist and it was the person that my wife got the gift for. – No, actually my person did too and he said, I just want you to give any, listed out some charities and said I’d like for you to give to the charities in my name and I’m like, I ain’t doing that. – I know who that was. – That’s not fun. – Yeah. – I did give to charity but I also gave him something that was a gift. – With a receipt. – I gave him the, no, I gave him something else. – So, I drew your wife. – You got Christy. – You can say Christy. – You know, I just call her your wife, I do Christy. – Don’t you say my wife’s name. – And I was actually pretty excited about having your wife as a Secret Santa receiver because– – But what you didn’t know was she also drew your name. – No she didn’t. – Oh, she didn’t? – No. – Oh, I thought she did. – No, William did. – Oh, I don’t know why I thought that, nevermind. – So– – You drew her name and that’s all that happened. – I drew her name and I was excited about it because, as you know and I don’t if we’ve really discussed this but Christy and I have very similar tastes when it comes to food. – Literally. – And like, chances are, and first of all, I kind of like everything, she kind of likes everything but things very specifically like olives or cheese or things that taste a little bit weird. We tend to agree on those things and so– – Especially the things that her and I disagree on and you and I disagree on, those things together, you both really like passionately. – Right and so I thought, I’m gonna go, this is kind of a fun exercise, I’m gonna go and I’m gonna shop for her as if I’m shopping for myself because if I get things that I would like, then that’s kind of getting the things that she would like, right, and so and this was a day in which I was doing quite a bit, I’ll tell you some other things I was doing that day and other gifts I was getting for people but it was essentially like, it was like December 23rd, Jessie’s parents had been in town and then Jessie’s sister and her family were coming into town and there was just a couple of days before Christmas that we had to kind of take care of business and so I kind of went out on my own and did a bunch of last minute shopping. – This is go time. – For Jessie, for Christy, your wife, for my kids, oh, one gift in particular for Shepherd that I’ll talk about later. – A little something for me, maybe. – Yeah and, of course, and, your wife being happy is your gift, and so I– (Link laughs) – You making my wife happy is not my gift. That’s just weird. – Now, I was talking to my wife, Jessie, to figure out what to get your– – Don’t you say her name. – Your wife, Christy and, no, I was asking her a question because I was like, you know the kinds of things that I like, where should I go to get those things? Is this like a Whole Foods situation? She was like, well, there’s this place, I think it’s in Pasadena, they got like kombucha and fermented things and I think that she’d be really into it. It turns out the place was in Altadena, I think, I can’t remember exactly where it was, north of Pasadena and so I go and I see the– – Again, if they were a sponsor, you’d know. – Yeah and I see the place, I’m gonna talk a little crap about the place so I don’t wanna say the name of the place but I see the place and it’s in one of those situations where it’s kind of like in a little downtown area but then there was a Rite-Aid catty corner across the street, across the corner with a parking lot but it said, for Rite-Aid customers only and there was a guy sitting next to his car in a lawn chair and it seemed like he was like the guy that Rite-Aid pays to make sure nobody violates the parking situation. I don’t know why else he would be there, it was a little strange. – Okay. – And, I don’t know if he’s like a shop owner of one of the other places, whatever, he had like a bowl of food that he was eating on the back of the car that he was sitting next to as well. – So he was bound to that location? – Yeah and so, I was like, well, I’m gonna pull the old, you know, the old– – I’m gonna go to Rite-Aid but, winky-winky (laughs). (Rhett laughs) – I was trying to come up with a name for it. – The Rite-Aid winky winky. – Yeah, so I went into the Rite-Aid and went in and– – Did you talk to the bowl eater before you went? – No, no, no, no. – But you parked there is what you’re telling me? – I parked at Rite-Aid, I walked in, I did a loop and I came back out. – Oh, with nothing. – Nothing, I was gonna get something, like ChapStick, something you could always use but there was a line. – We have that, we make that ourselves. – We make it ourselves, exactly, why do I need that? So I come back out and then I walk through the parking lot and I walk down to this other place. Turns out they did not have any of the stuff that my wife had basically indicated they might have. They had stuff that you could get fresh made right there but they didn’t have, I thought they were gonna have like jars of pickled things and the stuff that I like that your wife would like, you know. I wanted to get her some pickled okra. I did end up finding pickled asparagus at Whole Foods later, bone broth and other things but I’m a little pissed because I didn’t get anything and I’ve driven– – Ooh, strong language. – I’ve driven to Altadena, of all places and then I come back– – You could have just gone to Dena. – That’s right and then I see, well, you know– – What’s so wrong with Dena that they had to invent an alternate? – (laughs) I cross over the road and at this point I have the choice of walking around the barrier ’cause my car is right there, like there’s a corner and there’s a wall and my car is parked right next to the wall. – You’re talking like a cinder block– – Yeah, a concrete wall. – Three feet tall? – Three feet tall. (Link laughs) Three feet tall and so I’m like, I’m a big man, three feet is not big for me. – You didn’t wanna walk next to the guy with the bowl. – No, no, no, I didn’t wanna walk all the way around the wall and then come all the way through the parking lot, had nothing to do with the guy ’cause at this point I’m getting my car, it doesn’t matter if he knows I did the Rite-Aid winky winky, he doesn’t care anymore. – Does he? – Is he gonna get my license plate and send the cops after me, I don’t think so. – Might not let you leave. – So I wasn’t thinking about him at all, I was just thinking about efficiency of getting back into my car and actually getting to a store to get your wife what she wanted and so I was like, well, I’m gonna do that thing where you throw your legs over a fence. It’s been years since I’ve done this. (Rhett and Link laugh) You know what I’m saying? – Okay. – And so, I get up there– – Like a rodeo cowboy trying– – You throw your legs to the side. – Trying to get on a bull. – And I put my hands on the wall, throw my legs up– – Pommel horse. – And then as I make eye contact with the ground on the other side, I realize, oh, it’s higher on the other side, this is not an even wall. – Oh, snap. – And so, instead of just– – 30 feet. – I’m not saying it was, no, my side was three feet, the other side was four feet. It wasn’t this huge drop. – But you had to make an adjustment. – I had to think. – Oh. – And in the process of thinking. – You forgot about that trailing leg. – I bent my right leg as opposed to keeping it flying over and in the process, I had jeans on, I had jeans on. – Oh, god. – Just to give you an idea. – [Link] Good God. – My shin hits the top of the concrete and just like the corner of the concrete and rakes my full body weight, like rakes on it all the way down my shin or the eight inches or whatever it was that it took and I land and I’m like, oh no. – Ooh. – Oh no. I may have broken my leg (laughs). – What? – The first thing I thought was, I may have broken my leg, ’cause it was, you know the front of your shin is like really, really sharp and I thought– – Yours especially. – I thought I had done something. Thankfully, I was able to get into my car, my car was right there. (Link laughs) If I had to walk across the parking lot, I don’t know if I would have made it. – Did you think about calling for bowl man? – No, no, I got into my– – Help me, bowl man. I think I might have broken my leg. – I get into my car– – Trying to obfuscate walking past you. – I get in my car, shut the door and I just writhe in pain. (Link laughs) I’m like, oh no, (groans), I was like and it wouldn’t stop hurting and I was like, no, you have not seriously done something serious to yourself. I mean, it was hurting to press the gas and the brake. – Did you roll up your pant leg and– – I couldn’t, my pants are too tight. You know what I’m saying? And it was like, my jeans are tight so I’m pulling them up and they’re grabbing onto the flesh that has been scarred through my jeans. – Did the jeans rip? – The jeans are fine, the jeans are fine. So anyway– – And I’d like to think at that point, before you put it in drive, you look up and he’s standing there, right outside of your door, just watching. – I would have no defenses against him, I would have let him arrest me. – He’s like, dude, $20, man. – Citizen’s arrest. – You didn’t buy anything at Rite-Aid. – He would have escorted me into Rite-Aid and I would have get some thrifty ice cream. – I’m going with you to get some ChapStick. You can’t fake an injury to get out of this. – I ended up getting to Whole Foods and getting your wife some things and she seemed to be very happy. She actually texted me a picture of some of the stuff that she was enjoying. – Okay. – And I was like, great. – Pickled asparagus. – Is it good? – I did not taste that. – And, anyway, so, the couple of days after this, I noticed my leg has got this massive, it’s scabbed up, like I wasn’t seriously hurt, it was just a superficial wound but I got this, it looked like the Hawaiian Islands. It was like this archipelago, you know what I’m saying, of just scabby tissue that eventually, by the time I got to Mexico, it was falling off and then when I took my picture it was just sort of a red streak and it’s probably almost gone now but it’s your wife’s fault but I think she was happy. (Link laughs) And I’m happy that she was happy and it’s a small price to pay. – Oh, man, did I get hurt? You now what, nope, I didn’t. No injuries for the Linkster over the holidays, I was coasting, man, coasting. I had a wonderful time. I had a moved-to-tears multiple times time over the holidays and I’ll get into all that. – Moved-to-tears? – Yeah. – That’s quite a teaser. – But first, let’s get into some ads ’cause let’s be real. – The name of this podcast is Ear Biscuits. As you can see, I’m wearing a shirt that says Ear Biscuits. I’m drinking from a mug that says Ear Biscuits. Not too long ago, I would’ve thought that this was over-branding and pretentious and then I got a little desperate and at that point, I just started over-branding myself and I’m okay with it now and whether you are or not, I’m not really concerned about that, I feel good about myself. I feel good about myself in 2019 and I really feel great in this shirt that you can get at rhettandlink.com, what is it? Mythical.store. (Rhett laughs) – I think if you go to rhettandlink.com/store, it’ll redirect. – It’ll still go, but it’s actually, we’re not changing it back in 2019, that was just a little Rite-Aid winky winky, not a sponsor, mythical.store. – You went in, you came out. – Yeah, anyway. – I like this mug. – It’s good, it’s got speckle. – Get the set of three so you can rep all of our major properties while you’re drinking your beverages. – And for those of you with three arms, you can drink all at the same time. – I think there was, you know, the question was, really, how is this gonna play out, us being in Los Angeles for our first Christmases. We saw each other on Christmas Eve, we got together, we did that dirty Santa thing. – Well, Secret Santa, dirty Santa is different. – Yeah, you’re right, Secret Santa. – And wasn’t that special? That was something that was unexpected to have a bunch of friends over at my house and we did something that has never been done before, at least in my presence. – It wasn’t planned, it was weird, you talking about the countdown? – The counting down to the coming in of Christmas. – Yeah. – To the turn of Christmas, from Christmas Eve to– – It was like New Years Eve, the strike of the New Year but it was Christmas instead. – And we had our group of friends and all their kids, all together, literally– – Chanting. – Playing the guitar, chanting, what is the song that, I missed that. – The Shark– – The Shark Song? – Oh, gosh, it was something like, I can’t remember it right now. – I don’t know what it is. – Do you remember the tune of the countdown that we did? ♪ Seven minutes ♪ ♪ Seven minutes ♪ – I don’t know about this. I’m out of the loop, man. I’m out getting gifts for your wife, the Shark Song apparently was something that was big, I don’t know. – It’s a kid’s song. – Anyway, so, we sang that and I went downstairs to the garage and the floor was buckling under everyone jumping up and down. I was like, should I stop the celebration? I mean, if they all fall into my garage, is that still worth it? – That was special, man. – It was fun. Is it gonna be a tradition, that was what I was thinking as it was happening. I need to get two by sixes in the floor if so. – Of course, you know me, I almost missed it ’cause I was, you know I was trying to gather up my children and go home like an hour before. – You were trying to get out of there. – But, I heard all this chanting and I had gathered up my keys and the food, the leftovers that nobody ate that we brought and I was gathered up and ready to head out the door and you know, get on with the Christmas, getting ready for Christmas morning ’cause we had plans and then we’re about to go out the door and I realize, whoa, this chanting thing is, like everybody’s all in and it’s, they’re saying 14 minutes, so. – At least you knew how long you had. – Yes and I’m like, well, I can stay for 14 minutes and then lo and behold, like literally every millisecond of that was part of a countdown leading up to it and we stayed for it and that was amazing. So that was a great start. Then we go home. I’m gonna leave Santa out of this, alright? – Understood. – None of what I’m talking about has anything to do with what Santa did at my house. This is, I’m only gonna talk about the part that me and Christy did. – Got it. The supplemental stuff. – Yeah, so in addition to anything Santa did or might have done or wanted to do or wished he had done, Christy and I had our own plan that the kids didn’t know about that we needed to put into action that night. I’m pretty sure this is Christy’s idea but I was, the moment she said it, we were out on a date, we’re like, we gotta, we were talking about, we got to figure out what we’re gonna do, this is our first Christmas here in LA with the kids as opposed to going back home. We got to start developing some traditions, you know, like I’ve been talking about, and then she pitched this idea and I immediately knew, as she started to pitch it, just jump onboard, don’t even analyze it, you now how I have a tendency to like tweak and analyze. – Oh, really, you have a tendency to analyze? – Yeah but I can do this and it will be better or what if we did, I was like, I was just, yes man. It was a brilliant idea. – You should use that more often. (Rhett and Link laugh) – Just with her. The idea was, Christmas morning, scavenger hunt. Kids are gonna come down, well, we don’t have an upstairs, we do, but it’s just me and Christy’s upstairs, all the house is downstairs for everybody else, you know, you gotta use the pecking order here, so they’re all downstairs. They’re gonna flow out into and go to the Christmas tree where all the presents are and then they’re gonna find out, oh, uh-uh, ain’t no presents under the tree. The tree was like full of presents under there, so we moved all of them and hid them all around the house, outside of the house, in the washing machine, in the grill, in the car and then we had one bear, unwrapped, with a card on it and it had the first clue and boy, we were so excited about it. (Rhett laughs) You know and then you’d open that up and it was a letter and it was– – From the bear? – No. A letter from us and it was, it even rhymed, it was a poem that I wrote. Yeah, man and at the end it had the first clue to find the presents and we were so excited. Of course, ended up staying up to like 2:00 a.m., that’s not something that I do, I’m no elf (laughs), but I did it, ’cause we were excited. So then we get down there and we’re like, Lando came up to our bedroom first before he went in there and he got, he woke Lily up, I mean, she’s 15, turns out, by the time you turn 15, if you don’t have to go to school, you could literally sleep. – Into the afternoon. – For days. – Yeah, of course. – I don’t know, if we don’t wake her up, I just don’t when she would ever wake up and Lincoln knew that he was getting an electric guitar, so he wasn’t too motivated to get out of bed either. So we get them out of bed and we’re like, okay, go in there and get the presents and then we’re like watching and they go in there and they’re, you know, it’s, ah, joke’s on you, the presents aren’t here and they’re like, kind of groggy and they’re like, well, and then Lando’s the most excited, I mean, he’s eight and he’s like opening the card and they’re reading the poem and at this point, I expect celebration, scavenger hunt! – You know, you could have consulted me (laughs). – What seems obvious to me now is that it’s like, Christmas morning, you run downstairs and all the presents are gone and there’s nothing but a letter and we have to answer a riddle. (Rhett laughs) So they were a little underwhelmed. – Yeah, maybe you should have been a little more, maybe you should have analyzed it a little bit more. – Oh, I thought you said maybe I should have been a little more animated. – No, no, no. – I’m like, dude, I was animated. I was like, scavenger hunt, guys! Yeah! – So what ended up happening? – Well, they had to solve the riddles to get their presents. So then, so by the time they found the third present, they were waking up more, it was kind of like, there’s like a delayed reaction of the scavenger hunt. You get to your third clue, it’s like an infusion of caffeine. They kind of got onboard. – In my experience, scavenger hunts, really hot out of the gate, you know what I’m saying and only go downhill from there. – I think that they saw the look on my face of disappointment and still hope and expectation that this like, let’s just do this for Dad. – Yeah, wow, okay, so, is this a tradition now? – But they got into it and when they found the presents, they were still wrapped, by the way. – Well yeah, of course. – So then they would, they would take the presents and they would put them in a pile or separate them and then they would– – After awhile, at what point did it become more of an Easter egg hunt? Do you have to follow the clues, ’cause– – You gotta follow the clues. – But you know, oh, maybe one’s in the washing machine. – I think there were 10, there were 10 locations, okay? – Total? – Yeah, total. – They worked as a team to get everyone’s presents. – They worked as a team, so each location would have multiple presents, like one for each kid kind of a thing and so they came around to it and then I really think it’s about, now next year, yes, it is a tradition, we are gonna do it and they’re gonna be emotionally prepared. – But you’re gonna hire a scavenger hunt company to do it. (Rhett and Link laugh) Right? You’re not gonna do it yourself. – What do you mean? You don’t think? My clues were lit, like a tree, man. So we’re gonna do that. So then we were back to square one, they were opening the presents and then we were proceeding from there and it was good to go. – And we actually both got our kids an electric guitar. You got Lincoln one, I got Locke one. Now I went with Locke so he could pick it out. – Yeah. – Oh, Lincoln had already seen his guitar? – We went, we picked out the guitar that he wanted. He wanted a Telecaster form, of course I’m not gonna get him an actual Telecaster, I got him the preliminary version of the Telecaster, the Squier Telecaster. He got to prove himself before he moves to the big leagues. – When you were at the guitar shop, did you see the Jaguar? The Fender Jaguar, the same thing? It’s like a Squier version? – The cave had an apron over it, what? No. – That’s what we ended up getting. – What? – Jaguar, Jaguar. – Is it made by Fender? – It is a shape that you would recognize that is a little different. – Like a Jazzmaster? – No, it’s just a different shape. It’s got a few more bells and whistles, not that it necessarily does anything. It’s all the same price. They’re all in that Squier range but I knew that you had gotten the Telecaster. – I’m thinking about turning my garage into a, like a garage band site. – Yeah, like that, that’s what it looks like. – Yeah, that’s a Jazzmaster body. – Okay, same thing then but it says Jaguar in it. – Cool colors. – We almost got that one but that one was more expensive. – I’m sure people know more than me and I’m probably wrong. – So we got like a candy apple red one. You got him an amp? – I’m thinking about turning the garage into a, yeah, got an amp. – Which amp did you get? – A Fender. – The one that has the stuff built into it, like the sounds? – Yeah, yeah, I think. – Probably got the same amp. – It was like 100 bucks. – Okay, I got a better amp. – Oh, you did? (Rhett laughs) Oh, I see how it is. – It wasn’t that much more expensive but it wasn’t 100 bucks. – Maybe I got the same amp but I just got a better deal? – Okay, alright. Yeah but you’re gonna turn your– – Did you hide it? – Uh, no. – Well, there you go. – I didn’t hide it. But the most exciting gift that I got was for Shepherd though because Shepherd, as you may recall, on the– – Good Mythical More. – Good Mythical More. – In the episode, went over the fill-in-the-blank on Christmas lists but then in Good Mythical More they went over their lists. – And I watched that back, we watched that back as a family ’cause I was like, Shepherd, have you watched the show that you were on yet and he was like, no. This is like a week after it had been out and so, we sat down, Jessie and Shepherd and I, watched Shepherd on the show and then we watched Good Mythical More and that was when I realized that, oh, you know, when he went through his Christmas list, that was actually a real thing, it wasn’t just for entertainment purposes. That’s the way I think about the show, it’s like we have these conversations. – Right. They’re not like us. – There’s no real world application for this. (Link laughs) We said we’re gonna do this but we’re not. – Right. You don’t really like wood. – Exactly, so. (Rhett and Link laugh) So I– – Hold on. Okay, just tell me, ’cause I remember what he– – He said he wanted a snake. You want a reptile or something from the reptile family? How ’bout a snake? – Yeah, I want a snake. – Okay, your mom will love that. – I remember, did you get him a snake? – I got him a snake. Well, ’cause Jessie was like, she saw him mention snakes, she was like, oh, you still want a snake? He’d been talking to her about how he wants a snake and so, I don’t– – ‘Cause I kind of thought Shepherd was just being Shepherd when he said he wanted a snake. – I don’t mind snakes and I thought that this might be an opportunity for him to get a little responsibility or something to have to take care of this snake. – Yeah, I’m sure the snake appreciates that. Learn responsibility or kill a snake. – Well, you know, I mean, you gotta weigh the pros and cons here. – It’s not a mammal. – I’m gonna step in and take care of this cold blooded animal as needed. – You got a snake? – Yeah, so first of all– – How do you wrap a snake? – Well, the first snake (laughs), we didn’t wrap, no, I’m just kidding. – Oh (laughs). – No so, you don’t wrap a snake but what I did do is I went to the pet store here in Burbank that we got Craig from, actually. – Really? – The one that they tried to take Craig back to ’cause this place has a bunch of reptiles, great pet store, Scales ‘N’ Tails, I’ll shout ’em out. – Not a sponsor. – Not a sponsor but– – Of anything probably. – It’s basically the place in Burbank to get pets but definitely get reptiles and sort of exotic pets and that kind of thing, so I go in there and I have my mind set on a corn snake. In the little bit of reading that I have done, corn snakes are easy, great for your first snake and you can get these weird colors and stuff. We got the, I think they call it the Okeechobee mutation, they’re like orange and red. – Okay. – It’s a mutation, not normal. – You say when you get your first snake as if you plan on getting more snakes. – No, I mean, this is the first and probably the last snake but I’m saying, I didn’t wanna get something that you have to think about a whole lot. – It’s not that big around, it’s like as big around as my thumb, right? – Yeah but they can go to six feet long. – For real? – But more likely four feet long is what this thing– – They’re fast too, aren’t they? – Yeah and it’s a lively snake. – They can get away in the house. – They like to be handled and that kind of thing. – Or get away. – What, yeah, I mean they could get away but we know the protocol but I had to come here, I actually had to come here to, ’cause they just give you the snake in a little plastic, like something you’d get takeout at a restaurant with, that’s what they put the snake in. I was like, I’m not interested in eating the snake. He’s like, no, this is how we, this is how we transport the snakes, little paper towel and some holes in this little plastic thing. – Like a wanton. – Yeah and– – Takeout. – They give you the whole setup and you got, you know, your heat lamp and there’s a pad underneath it. You got to have a hot side and cold side. There’s water, all that. I came here to do all this on Christmas Eve. – Oh, gosh. – No, two days before Christmas and so the snake, who Shepherd ended up naming Moose, by the way. (Link laughs) Moose the snake. – That’s cool. – Was in our office, sealed up, he couldn’t get out of the terrarium but the minute, I’m just gonna talk to you about the disturbing side of reptile ownership because this is something that I had not anticipated but I kind of understood. I mean, I know– – I think I understand. It’s called just having a snake, that’s disturbing enough. – No, no, no, it gets dark. It’s gonna get dark. – Er. – So, again, I don’t mind the snake. He seems almost kind of cute. First of all, we don’t know if it’s a male or a female. Apparently, finding out the sex of the snake involves a probe of some kind and you gotta be like an expert. It’s not just like you just turn it over and look at it and so, even the guy was, I don’t know if it’s a male or a female and I’m not, and the implication was, and I’m not about to find out for you. So, we just went with Moose, it could be a male or a female. – Right, there are– – We don’t plan on breeding it. – There are male and female meese. – And so, but I’m like, so what do I feed it? Oh, you feed it pinkies. – Pinkies. (Rhett mumbles) There’s four of us, two hands. – The smallest finger on each of my hands? – Eight McLaughlin pinkies. – That’s not gonna last long. He’s like, these baby mice. There’s no alternatives? – Like baby hairless mice? – So, the dude proceeds to and listen, if you are like super animal lover, you may wanna skip this part because basically, they have mice, live mice in the pet store at different stages and he reaches in, he reaches in, he’s like, this is what you’re gonna start feeding him and he just pulls out this little teeny baby mouse that has no hair on it, it looks like, just something that just popped out of– – Oh, gosh. – Like a little preemie looking thing. – Oh, gosh. – Like, can’t even see and he was like, yeah, you’re take it and you’re gonna put it in the bag with the snake. Then he says, but you can get frozen. – Yes, I want frozen. So, first of all, I wasn’t gonna deal with the live situation, which technically, a lot of people, including this guy, said that if you wanna be safe, you give them frozen from the beginning and frozen from then on out so that they can’t get injured because, you know, a mouse will bit a snake as it’s going down, you know? – Oh, gosh, okay, okay. – But, these people, just so you understand– – I wasn’t in the market for a snake, why are you trying to talk me out of it? – Because I just want you to understand the reality. People who have– – Why? – And I don’t know why I’ve never thought about this but people who have snakes, he’s like, as it gets older, you’re gonna wanna continue to go up. He’s like, there’s pinkies and then there’s, he called them softies or something or fluffies, and small mice and then large mice. Okay and Craig also eats frozen mice as well. So we’re doing all frozen here but these are just mice that are just bred in order to be given to reptiles. (Link groans) And– – This was our happy holiday episode. Get this over with. – But the interesting thing is that on the animal ethics scale, you’ve got these more developed mammals. – Yeah, yeah, like I said earlier, it’s not a mammal. – More closely related to us, they actually have another part of their brain that gives them the opportunity to process thoughts on a different level and to enjoy bonding and this stuff and we’re feeding it to the lower life form, the snake, because this is the way that the world works. There are no vegan snakes and so then I was like, does this mean that there are no vegan snake owners or if a vegan snake owner has a snake, they’re just like, well, I’m not eating the mice, he’s eating the mice. I don’t understand the ethics of it. – Let the snake snake. – I’m not a vegan. I understand that we’re all part of the food chain. I understand that this is what snake ownership involves but I’m not gonna deal with the live ones, I’m gonna deal with the frozen ones and I really don’t wanna know what happens before that. – You gotta microwave them before you throw ’em in the cage? – You can but you shouldn’t, you just set it out and let it thaw. If you microwave it, it’s uneven and it can get hot in certain places, it can injure your snake. – Okay. – So what I do is I take the snake, I put it into, this is what this guy says, you put it into a little brown bag with the thawed mouse once a week, you basically fold it closed, put it back in it’s cage so he eats in a different environment so that he does not get the idea that I eat in this terrarium ’cause then you might stick your hand in there, he thinks it’s a mouse and eats it. – A pinky, he thinks your pinky is a pinky. – Eventually as the snake gets bigger, you’re gonna have to have a feeding, if you got a huge snake, like a 20 foot snake, you got to have a feeding bin, you know? At that point, you’re giving it a rat to eat. I saw somebody, I was in line, a woman comes in, she’s like, I want one of the large rats. The guy reaches in the fridge, pulls it out, was holding, there’s a dead rat. – And that’s like a couple times a year for that big snake I would think. – No. Maybe every 10 to 14 days. – Ew. – I don’t know but Moose is once a week. – Man, my Christmas is over and you ruined it. (Rhett laughs) – It’s just the reality, man. ♪ It’s the circle of life ♪ Where’s Elton John when you need him? – So after everybody got their presents opened, everybody’s playing their new guitars and Lando’s loading up his gumball machine. He asked for a gumball machine. Your next on the list is another machine, this is a gumball machine. – A small one. – Okay, good, a small one. We got that. – Oh, really? – No mice in there. – But you can probably put the little pinky mice in the little balls, that would be kind of cool. We put that in Shepherd’s room and that’s where he gets the mice. – That’s where the corn snake crawls up inside, put the corn snake in the– – In the gumball machine. – That’d be cool. – That could be weird. – That’s a cool terrarium. – Yeah. – We did not get Lando a claw machine like he asked for because the reasons that I told him. – Yeah, it’d be overkill. – And then, in the effort to further traditions, we’re like, LIly’s gonna make a meal, she made this beef stroganoff meal for our dinner and we’re all sitting down at the table, like gathered around, eating our meal. This is the evening, Christmas evening by this point and we’re sitting down and we’re eating this meal that my daughter prepared, it’s fabulous. Everybody’s happy, has got their stuff and I just find myself weeping. (Rhett laughs) At the table. I literally found myself weeping tears of joy at my table. – Here’s the thing though is that, 20 years from now, you’re gonna start, the estrogen is really gonna be getting produced. – [Link] Yeah? – At that point, you will, many men find themselves weeping for no reason at all. – Nothing to weep. – You’re getting started at 40. – Yeah. – You just need to, you gotta pace yourself a little bit. – It kind of caught the fam off guard a little bit and– (Rhett laughs) I think Christy knew what was happening and maybe she teared up a little bit, maybe she gave me a pat on the shoulder but the realization I was having was just tremendous gratitude for this family. I mean, you’ve got these people who are, they’re their own people but we, you know, we made them in a certain sense (laughs). – Yeah. – Well, I think, specifically, it was the first time in a long time that we had our own Christmas thing and it was that we had our own thing for the first time that was distinct from the rest of our family and we missed them. We missed our family not being there but and I was a little sad about that and we did talk to them and do video chats throughout the day and stuff like that but I realized that I actually felt very much, very fatherly for the first time and I started thinking about– – Feeling fatherly. – Traditions, because when the rest of your family’s there, when your parents or maybe older siblings or other extended family is there, relationships go up and they go down in time but when it was just us, I was the, you know, I was the only father around. So, it was a very different feeling that kind of stuck up on me, that’s like, we have a thing and I think that it was something that my family, that encouraged us to do our own thing, I think they knew better than I did that’s it like, yes, you need to have this sensation and I realize that I just had not had it and when I realized that I was having it, I started to cry and it was very, I was very happy. – Does this mean that you’re gonna, like this Christmas now? You’re not gonna be home anymore? – I don’t, yeah, I don’t know. – I mean, as long as Locke keeps playing basketball, we have to be here. So, I don’t have a choice for four years but– – I mean, at this point, we haven’t talked about that specifically, so I don’t know exactly. – But it sounds like it was pretty moving. – It was very moving, so yeah, that is a big tick in the yes column of let’s do this again, let’s continue to build on this. – Well, I will say, I teared up at the Christmas meal but it was because I nearly burned the house down and it was just the smoke coming from the oven. – What? – Yeah, but it was beef. – I’m sure this was my wife’s fault, so go for it. – But it wasn’t beef stroganoff, it was Beef Wellington. – Ah, that’s not easy. – Well so, Jessie’s parents had been in town, they left, we had a couple days, we kind of did some just the us McLaughlin’s thing and then Jessie’s sister and her family, so husband and two boys, about, you know, high school age boys, so a little older than Locke, were gonna come stay but they flew in on Christmas Day and so we’re like, okay, well, we’re gonna prepare Christmas dinner so we can all have it together when the get there and Jessie and I, we fancy ourselves as culinarily skilled, although we’re not but we’re adventurous and we were like, she’s like, well, I’m gonna do these Cornish hens because we do Cornish hens every year as our Christmas dinner before we go back home but now we’re gonna make it at Christmas dinner but I was like, but what if we tried Beef Wellington? Ever since I watched that first season of Hell’s Kitchen and heard Gordon Ramsey talk about it, I had this idea of how awesome it would be to make Beef Wellington, so we made all of them at the same time. – That’s ambitious. – (sighs) We ended up, we couldn’t put all of it in the oven at the same time and we ended up putting the hens directly on the grate in the oven and then put these drip pans underneath it and then everything was dripping off of the Cornish hens and it was smoking up the house and the fire alarm kept going off and it was freezing, as you know, for LA, it was freezing on Christmas Day, it was in the 40s, can you believe it, which is super cold to us at this point, ’cause, you know, we’ve adjusted, so I got all of the windows and doors open. I did tear up a little bit, but again, it was because of the smoke in the eyes. – There were no flames though, just smoke? – No, no flames and actually– – Was there yelling? – The meal, Jessie and I, yeah, a little bit. – Christmas Day yelling? – I mean, it’s not– – hey, that’s part of it, man. – It’s not Christmas if you’re not yelling at each other. – Yeah. It’s part of it. – And the meal was really good. It ended up being great, nothing was burned. It was just the drippings had created the smoke situation. – Okay. – I don’t know if I’m gonna make that, the smoking up the house, a tradition but it is the kind of thing that becomes a tradition. You know, like you tell the story of the time the whole house got smoked up and then 400 years later, there’s a dude with incense, he’s like, we light this incense in honor of the time Rhett and Jessie McLaughlin nearly burned their house down, like that’s how traditions start, it’s always something stupid. – Well, that sounds more like a religion and– – Oh, did I tell you, I’m starting a religion (laughs)? – Yeah, that’s different. – It’s 2019, the year I start a religion. – So then, I embarked on my trip to– – Just really quickly, because I had everybody, I had family there for those two different periods of time and I learned something about my dog. I’ll show a picture at the appropriate time here on the feed but my dog is unfaithful. Barbara is unfaithful. – Well, I knew that. – You know that Barbara seeks attention from whoever is there but when Jessie’s parents were there, she slept in the bed with Jessie’s parents and of course, Jessie’s whole family, they’re all dog people, they don’t care, they love her, they think she’s incredible, if Barbara tried to sleep with my parents it would be a little different but so Barbara is like sleeping with the enemy, not the enemy but (laughs). – Oh, you, oh, you said it. You said it. – And sleeping with Jessie’s parents and then sleeping with Jessie’s sister and her husband and even going to the point of getting in their suitcase. I have a picture, I’ll show it now. This is Barbara in, for those of you who are watching the podcast. – [Link] Like trying to– – I don’t know if she’s trying to send the message, I wanna go home with you, I hate it here because she seems to love us as well because what she’ll do is she’ll spend all night down there and then in the morning, she’ll come and start scratching at our door and then wants to come in and just make out with me, you know what I’m saying? I’m not making out with you right now. You’ve been making out with other people downstairs. (Link laughs) It’s not time for that. – But you did let her in. – Yeah, I do it, I can’t help it. She also wore a sweater pretty much the entire holiday season. – Oh, festive. – Yeah, it was just, I don’t know, one day she just had a sweater on. – What does she think about the snake? – Does not care about Moose at all. Doesn’t bark at him, doesn’t look at him, doesn’t sniff him. Shepherd brought him down Christmas Day, holding him, Barbara doesn’t care. We were wondering if she was gonna freak out and like try to attack it. – Well, did Barbara see the snake? – Yeah, she seemed to but she didn’t seem to care about it. Maybe she was friends with a snake in a previous life. I don’t know. – Now, if she gets in the aquarium with the snake, I know that’s not what’s it called but whatever, then– – Terrarium. – Then you’re really being cheated on, like you should really take that personally, if she’s curled up with the snake. – She might try. – So after Christmas, we went to Sedona, Arizona because, again, like I said last Ear Biscuit, we decided not to do the RV thing, we wanna get there quick. The place that I found, it had a great view out the window of the red rocks that are signature for Sedona. Unfortunately, we couldn’t take Jade because they wouldn’t allow her in this place and that was my one regret is that Jade was not with us but this place, I mean, a lot of friends had told us about it and they talked it up and that’s why I wanted to go and I knew there was a lot of good day hiking and I’m still trying to foster the love for the nature with my family and taking nature walks, I don’t call them hikes ’cause like we’ve talked about before, my kids have decided they don’t think they like to hike, so you just call it something else. – And it works? – Or just don’t tell them you’re doing it, oh, we’re walking to the car but we’re gonna take an alternate route and then lo and behold, we’re out here in nature for three hours and they’re loving it. So that was my vision. – You can do a scavenger hunt out there as well, just so you know. It should be pretty fun outdoors. – This is a, you could do a spiritual scavenger hunt because this place is like, I mean, call it new age-y, okay, in the 70’s there was some psychic woman who went there and said, oh, this is a hot bed of spiritual earth energy activity and there are, ’cause you go in and there’s, it’s a two lane road that kind of goes through into kind of a valley, then you’re driving past these red rock formations on either side of the road and it’s absolutely breathtakingly beautiful, it’s like. – Is this where Red Rocks, the theater is? – No. – Where John Tesh played? – No, but it is, it is the same type of rocks, I do believe. The iron content, you got like a rust situation going on and the erosion exposes these amazing looking formations. There’s one natural bridge called Devil’s Bridge that you can hike to. I ended up not going for weather reasons, so I’ll have to go back but I mean, it’s absolutely beautiful. So, in the 70’s, it was determined to be this place where there was a lot of spiritual energy going in and coming out of the earth in places called vortexes. – Vortexes. – Which we learned about vortexes back when we went to Tonopah, Nevada as part of Commercial Kings, we made a tourism ad for them for that episode and I’m still reasonably proud of that episode and I saw the sign for Tonopah when we were driving. – And Tonopah has a vortex. – That’s what they say, right? We ended up, so there’s a lot of, it’s very hippy, spiritual, so you got the beautiful scenery, lots of people hiking, lots of shops with lots of crystals where each crystal does something special. – Other than just sit there and be a rock. – Right. – Right. – And there’s four vortexes. – There’s four? Sedona’s got four. – It’s got four and– – How many Cheesecake Factory’s does it have? – Zero. – Wow. – So, weigh that. – Okay, alright. Priorities. – We signed up for a Jeep tour for one day but as I was looking for that, there was also a vortex tour that I thought about taking where the description was written by the one tour guide who said, if you have a party of four or less, you meet me at this gas station and you can get in my car and I will drive you to the vortexes. You can experience a male vortex, a female vortex and general spiritual goodness. If you have a party of five or more, I’ll get in the car with you and we’ll do the same. So, at that point I just, I didn’t pursue that one any further. – How big around is a vortex? – Well– – I’m thinking about how big of the party is I’m gonna take. (Link laughs) – Right. – Do we all get in one at a time or do we all, does the whole group get in and can you feel it? – It’s not a hole. – No, it’s like a tornado, it’s like a spiritual tornado. – It’s pretty big. For one, there’s a rock called Bell Rock, which is pretty freaking big but you can, if you’re physically capable, you could hike up to the top of the Bell in an hour, okay, so that gives you an idea how big it is. It’s shaped kind of like a bell. We hiked this. It is a vortex. The entire formation. – Is a vortex. – Is a vortex. – Okay. – That’s all I can say about it. – You didn’t feel it? Did you feel it? – I felt joy being there. I felt exhilaration and a little fear climbing up because Lando kept wanting to climb up and I kept saying, climbing up’s easy buddy, it’s the climbing down that’s difficult. – But in a vortex you don’t have to worry about gravity. – That’s what he said. – Oh. – And I was like, nope, I’m not buying it, so every so often I would make him crawl ahead and then prove to me that he could crawl back down and the rest of the family had long since bailed on this entire. – They didn’t go up into the vortex? – We went, they went halfway up the Bell and then we went another third of the way up, beautiful place, just can’t, I have nothing more to say about a vortex. I don’t know, I just didn’t experience anything, I should have signed up for the tour. – You weren’t open. – I should have got– – You were closed. – We should have got the woman in our car. – You have to open your heart in the same way that the vortex is open and then you’d understand it. – We did have a couple of magical experiences. The first one, we get there that night, we’re eating pizza and then the employees at the place say, oh look, it’s, there’s a snow flurry, it’s the first of the season. – Was it going in a vortex pattern. – It was not. – That would have been important for me. – They went outside and it was like wow, they actually don’t get a lot of snow there, ’cause I was reading online and it’s like if you’re hiking, you might be lucky and there might be a dusting of snow on the red rocks, which can be beautiful. Turns out, Lando had never seen, I didn’t realize this, he had never seen falling, natural falling snow. – Hmm. – You know? ‘Cause we’d been out here since he was, before he was two years old and he hasn’t seen snowfall except for manmade at a ski resort last year at this time. That was special but then the next day I take him out hiking or on a nature walk, wink, wink, and it starts snowing and we went on a hike, dude, in the snow and it was awesome. I mean, it was like– – This is where I saw some of the Instagram’s from your family, right? – Yeah, it’s like nothing, I mean, it’s like, you can go your whole life and not hike in snow falling on the red rocks, especially in Sedona, from what I’ve heard. It was pretty special. We had a blast. – Did you cry then? – I had a little tear action happening. – And there was no beef stroganoff involved? – No, not at all. – ‘Cause you need to isolate what the trigger is. – Yeah, trying to correlate what it is. – If it’s not beef stroganoff, it may be just being with your family and having good times. – Well, how sad is that? (Rhett laughs) It’s gotta be something else. The next day, we took a Jeep tour which turned out to be actually kind of lame but you can rent Jeeps there and do– – Extreme off-roading? – Aggressive off-roading, which, in a lot of places you can’t do that, so that’s another cool thing about that if you wanna go to Sedona, not a sponsor. – Sedona, not a sponsor. (Rhett and Link laugh) An entire town, not a sponsor. – The next to last day we’re there, it starts snowing. We go out for brunch and this is an unexpected snow and it’s dumping snow. By the time we come out an hour and a half later, we had driven four minutes to eat brunch. We come out, we get back in the car, it’s like seven inches of snow. It’s crazy. It was amazing. It took us over two hours to drive the four minute drive back to our condo because the place just wasn’t ready for it. It shut down. We drove for an hour, we didn’t move hardly and I was like, alright guys, get out and just walk home and they had a blast just kind of walking home in the snow blast and I had some alone time with my vortex. That sounded weird. I was just in the car listening to– – Yeah, understood. – But I listened to like– – Vortex music. – Spa music, it was really– – You got get everything in line. – It was really, and then, so we get back home, have some coffee, I finally get there and the sun’s going down and I’m like, we can hike back up this trail from our condo and Lando and I went out there and that’s the picture that I showed in LTAT that I got him to take of me and I get up there to the top and dude, I swear, this is when I cried again. I was like, Lando, this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. There’s was snow on this trail and you have view of the red rocks and it was as quiet as Christmas Eve before Santa and I called Christy, I was like, you bail on this but you have to get dressed and you have to hike up here and see this and she came up there and she was like tearing up, it was so beautiful up there and so quiet and she was like, this is like Narnia and I thought about you and your obsession with Narnia. Dude, I went to Narnia. – Did you find a lamp post? – I went to winter Narnia, no lamp post. – It wasn’t Narnia. – Took lots of photos. – Did you find any goat tracks? – No. Okay, it wasn’t actually Narnia, I get it. – But just one set, just a set of two ’cause he was half goat. – I mean, the entire thing, I was just, I was just struck with, for my family, I try to adopt this mentality but then I’m trying to apply it to life and a New Year’s resolution type way is just trying to, maybe we’ve talked about this, but to set up, you can’t create moments like that or all the moments that we had, the tear-up moments, but you can set the table for something memorable to happen, for the place to get filled up with smoke, so to speak, you know and it’s just, there’s an art to saying, okay, I can’t force this but I can set the table for something amazing. We can go here. We can go to this place and do a walk and maybe the snow will dump, maybe something magical will happen. – It might have been a totally different trip if it hadn’t snowed. – You know, I can’t say it’s not related to the vortex. – But the vortex isn’t at your house. – Why not? – Maybe you have a vortex at your house? – Maybe I do. – Maybe vortexes make you cry. – Maybe they do. – I had a slightly different, slightly different experience. – No snow in Mexico. Caba-licious. – I enjoyed being with the family that we had in town but I have a certain capacity for just people at my house and regardless of how well we’re getting along and the fun that we’re having. – I get it. – We had a great time, as families, we watched a lot of movies. I saw Bird Box, suddenly all the memes made sense. Saw Aqua Man, I watched my wife watch Jason Momoa. – Oh. – And that was interesting but I got to take in Amber Heard in sort of a similar way, which I had license to do that. – Oh. – In her Aqua suit or whatever it was. – I heard that. – And then, so we saw movies but by the end of it I was kind of like, I am, I kind of and I knew this and this is why I planned this trip to Cabo with just Jessie, I was like, I’m gonna need some time to myself and just me and my wife after having everybody in town. So we went down to Cabo, just for like four days and had a very relaxing time. I actually ended up working but I don’t call it work ’cause, you know, like writing songs and working on some other things we can’t talk about, but stuff that you could do next to a pool in sort of a relaxing fashion and I got the, and did the photo shoot, which, you know, I’m very proud of (laughs). – Well, you gotta fill the listeners in ’cause they don’t know what the photo shoot is, I don’t think you said that at the top. – Well, no, yeah so, when we got to this place, they were orienting us to what was, you know, the options and the place and they were like, oh, there’s a complimentary photo shoot. I knew that by complimentary photo shoot they meant, somebody’s gonna take photos of you and then charge you a lot of money for the photos that they took, it’s not really complimentary. – So the shoot is free but the photos are expensive? – But Jessie had gotten me this watermelon bathing suit and matching watermelon shirt, almost as a joke, not ever thinking I would wear them together. I’ve worn them both independently. I think I wore the watermelon shirt on the show at one point. But I put the whole package together, if there’s any place to do it, it’s Cabo and I was like, this is what I’m wearing for the photo shoot, what are you wearing? So, Jessie and I took some photos together but then I was like, obviously I gotta get something by myself. I mean, this is kind of a special outfit. – Okay, now tell me why that was obvious? – Just because, I mean. (Rhett laughs) You saw the photo. (Rhett laughs) I think I created a vortex in Cabo. – Oh, gosh. Give me a break. – I don’t know how the vortexes happen but if there was not a vortex around me while I had that watermelon suit on on the beach, then I don’t believe in vortexes. – Oh, gosh. – And the interesting thing was is you know me, of the two of us, I’m the one that is a little more worried about what people think. – Uh-huh. – And also, I’m always, I’m very overly irrationally sensitive to how big I am. I’m just a very large person, so I kind of feel like, if I do anything, if I get out there and dance, whatever I do, you’re gonna see me do it because you can’t miss me, right? – [Link] Right. – And so– – And you’re not even factoring in being covered in watermelons. – You’re right and so, I’m like, I gotta put this watermelon on, I’m gonna walk all around this resort. – You’re getting cold feet on us. – No, I knew I was gonna do it but I couldn’t just relax into it. I wanted to just relax into my identity as the guy who wears the watermelon outfit. I just wanted to be that guy and as I’m getting that picture taken, all the people who are eating breakfast at the restaurant that overlooks the beach are just looking at me like, look at this douche, you know what I’m saying? This guy obviously thinks this is cool and I wanna be able to be like, I know that this is funny. I don’t know why and I told Jessie, I was like, that’s my New Year’s resolution, is just to quit caring, quit caring about what people think. Create your own vortex. Be your own vortex. That’s what my t-shirt says. – But Photoshop the leg wound after, I will add that. – But you know what– – Airbrush it. – It’s all part of the story though. It’s all part of the story and you know, and by the time this is out, that picture will be on my Instagram as well. I mean, shout out to @rhettmc on Instagram, I haven’t done that in awhile but you know what, there’s a vortex happening over there on Instagram right now and you can be a part of it. Maybe if you double click that picture, you’ll create your own vortex right there with your thumb. I don’t know how the internet works but if you wanna get into my vortex, create your own vortex, we’ll have just a web of vortexes, maybe the whole world will become a vortex and it starts with going over to @rhettmc and liking that photo. Sorry. (Rhett laughs) So, that was kind of, it’s kind of selfish, I realize that, especially contrasted with how you wept (chuckles), you wept in the presence of your family. (Link laughs) For me, I think my holiday really just comes down to that single photo of me in the watermelon. – Yep. (Rhett and Link laugh) Oh, gosh. – No, I had an incredible time with my wife. We needed the time even though it was just a few days. I got offered coke on the streets of Cabo by at least seven people. – Like Diet Coke? – It was the Diet Coke and the Cherry Coke and just Coke Classic, Coke Zero, they had every kind of coke that you could imagine. – How was it? – I didn’t trust it (laughs). You know, I just didn’t trust it and so I didn’t say yes to that. – Okay, for the record, you said no. – I said no, I am not interested in that. But one of the more notable things, I’ll never forget and it’s one of those things that, there’s these things that happen to you and then the become part of your personal canon whenever you interact with an object and let me explain. We have some of the these things between the two of us. I’m at the pool and I order a quesadilla. You know, it was pool side restaurant, they’ll bring you whatever you want, great service, whatever. – Love it. – And they bring me a quesadilla and the guy comes and sets it down and it’s, you know, it’s sort of the half moon, it’s the folded over tortilla as a quesadilla is, it’s pretty recognizable food product. – Okay. Yeah. – And an old man walks by, comes up and he’s like, what do you call that (laughs)? – Really? – Yes, he’s like, what do you call that? And I was like, a quesadilla. (Rhett and Link laugh) And he was like, and instead of saying, oh, I didn’t know it was a quesadilla, he was like, huh and then he goes over and starts talking to his wife. I’m like, they discovered money. I introduced someone to a quesadilla. – You’ll never believe this thing. – And so, then– – And you’ll never believe how they spell it. – So, now this is what I’m getting at, this whole personal canon thing, which is one of the things I love about life. So then when we, when Jessie and I are at the airport getting ready to leave Cabo because we have a certain credit card, we get into this lounge area. – Oh, I know what they had. – And they had a quesadilla and I bring it back, I got it on my plate and I’m like, what do you call this? (Link laughs) – You had a little laugh. – Yeah, had a little laugh. – Had a little shared– – And so, now for the rest of my life, anytime I’m with my wife and we order a quesadilla, one of us is gonna say, what do you call that? – That’s couple canon. – Yeah, couple canon, man, it’s a couple canon quesadilla. – Yeah, that’s it. – Create your own vortex. – That’s the thing about, you know, relationships. Hey, you know, we’re 18, 19 years in to marriage, add a couple of years when dating, it’s like you gotta keep adding to the couple canon. – Yeah, you got to. – You know and so and quesadillas are so prevalent. That’s good, that’s a good reminder of that moment. – Not where that man’s from. – Don’t go, except where that guy’s from. – Now, not a sponsor, one of the last things that I’d like to do is this was the present my wife got for me, which is, she thought I would like a 360 camera. She was right. – Oh. – Jacob, Kiko, I warned Kiko about this. – [Jacob] Okay (laughs). – I’m taking a picture. – Jacob wore his pants with his knees out. (Rhett laughs) He says, uh-oh, my knees are out. – I hope this is gonna work, I’m gonna take a 360 degree photo of our studio right now and then I’m going to, where can you post 360 degree photos? – Just take it. – I’m gonna Tweet out wherever you can get this to this. – Do you have to rotate it? – No, you take, one, two, three. (camera blips) – [Both] That was it. – It’s like Men In Black. – [Jacob] I think you can chop them up and put them on Instagram. – Oh, really? – Yeah. – Chop ’em up on Instagram. – Well, you better believe, if it can be on Instagram, it will be, shout out to @rhettmc. If not, I’m gonna Tweet it out. – Alright, well, man, so we’ve caught up. (upbeat music) Here we are, holiday’s caught up. We got 2019 is just bustling out before us and let’s walk that red carpet, shall we, together. Every week we’re gonna bring you another Ear Biscuit, let’s go through 2019 together. Bring your friends along. Go to iTunes or wherever you’re listening, could be Spotify, I don’t know wherever else, leave a review and all that stuff helps but bring in people into this world of friendship and honesty and laughs, tears. – The friendship vortex. – All of it. – That might be the subtitle for 2019 of this Ear Biscuits. – Do it. Thank you for hanging out with us. I mean, shoot, Conan’s got a podcast now. – Yeah, yeah, I mean. – I mean, just the competition’s getting stiff. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. – You probably shouldn’t have even mentioned his. – Yeah. – Take it back, we take it back, he doesn’t have a podcast, don’t go looking for it. We’ll talk with you next week. – Only us. Or at least us first, I don’t know. One of the other things I did, I didn’t get to, I’ll just tell you, this’ll be quick but we were eating dinner in Sedona in the place and I was playing music, I was playing like Lord Huron and I was like, I was just thinking a lot about the kids when they get older and I was thinking, you know, 20 years from now, I’m 60, I would love to know that I could rent a place and have the family come back and I was like, I was seeing this. I was like, Lily, 20 years from now, you’re gon’ be 35 years old, you might have a partner and have kids and Lincoln, who knows what you’ll be doing, Lando, I don’t know, he’ll be 28. You guys could all have lives, you’ll have lives of your own and what if I bring you back and we’re all hanging out like after Christmas and some vortex and what if you had this idea that you were gonna go over to whatever, the way music was played and you go over and you would play something, like would you even know, as like a sweet moment, would you even know the music that your dad always played in the house when you were growing up? Would you even know what that is, like when I was a kid, I knew my mom played Al Greene and Lionel Ritchie, so important to me now and Michael Jackson. I know that she, that’s the stuff that was played, would you know that? Do you know who this is that’s playing right now and they were like, uh, Fleet Foxes? (Rhett laughs) That’s wrong but that’s good and that would have worked, it’s Lord Huron. So, 20 years from now, when we’re all together, I don’t want you to say a word, I want you to go over, I was talking to Lily. She’s the most reliable one, I felt like, with this kind of promise. I want you to, in whatever way music is played, when we’re all together 20 years from now, you got lives of your own but we’re all back together, I want you to play some Lord Huron and then I’m gonna start hearing it and I’m gonna remember this moment and I want you to promise that you’re gonna remember this and it’s gonna be called the Lord Huron Promise. We’ll shorten it to just the Huron Promise because the Lord Promise sounds like something’s probably already taken and she was like, okay, Dad, you’re being weird. – (laughs) Oh, really? – But I made her promise, so 20 years from now, in 2038, I’m gonna be with my family and all of a sudden this song’s gonna play and my daughter will have remembered the promise. (upbeat music) To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right. – [Rhett] To watch the previous episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left. – [Link] And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. – [Rhett] If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical best. (upbeat music)