Welcome to Ear Biscuits podcast, where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I am Link. And I am Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, Link is going to be sharing about a milestone, a family milestone. He got started on the family game a little bit earlier than me. so one year ahead of me, he is pushing, or he has pushed his first bird out of the nest. So not an empty nest yet. You know what? I get to the empty nest before you. Yes, you do. Because I only had two kids. So I get to do the first empty nest episode, when that ever happens. If it happens. Whenever that happens. Empty nest is not guaranteed for either one of us, we both get two in the house- But you just pushed one, I mean, not really completely out of the nest. You pushed her to college, which is technically not… She no longer lives at your house. Nope. And she’s many, many hours away. And I’m still getting used to it. So yeah, I just… I’m still gonna be processing this, but I just wanted to share the entire experience with you. I mean, like you said, it’s a milestone event for our family, and for Lily. And as it turns out, there’s been even more to process than I anticipated, and I thought it was gonna be a big deal. So yeah, I’ll walk you through what it felt like, and maybe you’ll be a little bit more prepared, but I’m sure things will be different for you. But if my story can help you in any way, Dad Rhett, I wanna do that for you. Oh, I’m sure you do. I mean, ’cause you didn’t help me any. I mean, what is there to say? You don’t know anything. It’s uncharted territory. It’s like when I got married, you were like, “Man, you’re getting married. I can’t help you with that yet.” Of course, I don’t know how much I helped you. Yeah. I should probably say it… Yeah, I don’t recall getting any… I don’t recall getting any advice from you before I got married. I just demonstrate what not to do. That’s a good point. Just watch and learn. And that’s a good point. So just watch and learn. Watch and unlearn. I have no clue if there’s any lessons that I should be giving you, but you can probably glean things that you’ll approach it differently than me, because… If I can help by being a bad example, I’ll do that. I don’t think I did anything wrong. Yeah, I mean, now I’m intrigued. Now I actually care about this episode. I’m just kidding. But before we go any further, as of the release date of this episode, it’s your birthday. So I’m giving you the early birthday, so that as people are listening to this, it is the actual birthday, October 11th. Happy 44th birthday, my friend. Thank you for that. We were actually talking with Stevie the other day, about the phenomenon that people who do jobs like us have to experience. And that is, of course every single thing… I mean, as much as many people on the internet want to believe that every morning we get up and record GMM at about 1:00 AM, and then release it at 3:00 AM, Eastern Standard Time, well, at Pacific, whenever it is. That’s not how it works, right? We shoot things ahead of time. As Link said, it’s not my birthday, but we experience things, or we try to convey the experience of things like holidays and birthdays on the day that it airs. But emotionally, we’re never really prepared for that. We’ve also already shot the Good Mythical Morning episode that will air on my birthday, and I think you might’ve given me… There was a gift of some kind. What do you mean? You don’t remember the gift I gave you? Because it’s a blur man, because it wasn’t really my birthday. I wasn’t emotionally prepared to… What did you give me? I don’t remember either. Yeah, because you didn’t give it to me. It was given to you to give to me. Right. This is our lives, right? We you live in such a weird world. It was a book. It was a book about what? I’m not going to tell you. Well, I guess the episode is out now, so yeah, I can remind you. It was a book about, I think how alphabetically… Oh. How great of a person you are. And I read the book. It was a book that you had specially made for me. I did. Yes. Yes. And then I read it very loudly. I decided on a comedic angle in the moment. Right. Which I don’t regret. Yeah, because otherwise you would have burst into tears. But yeah. So this is putting me in a place where I have to process my 44th birthday. Pre-process it. I think that’s good. It is weird, but this phenomenon that you’re talking about, it really gives us up for things. I mean, if we had to pre-record stuff related to our wedding anniversaries, and special occasions on that front, stuff that if you forget it, boy, you’re a jerk, and you’re screwed. Well, this is a great way to not forget that your birthday is actually coming, which can happen when you turn 44. Yeah, that’s true. What are you gonna do today? Well, two things. One of the things that has struck me as I’ve reached my mid-forties, I don’t know if this is… I mean, I guess you’re technically getting ready to… You’re getting ready for your mid-forties as well. I don’t know if mid 43 counts as mid. I think you’re technically early forties. Yes, definitely. Maybe more so than ever before, the thing I’ve started noticing is finding out how old certain people are, or learning that other public figures are my age, and thinking, “I’m the same age as that person?” But that’s always been the case. It’s new celebrity’s- It feels new to me. Are you thinking about a particular… Well, I happen to see Michael Bublé on TikTok. Oh. So you’ve finally found your place on TikTok? And he was responding to… I don’t know if you saw the- What a crooner. I don’t know if you saw the TikTok going around that had… I’m gonna say no. You don’t enjoy the TikTok? I enjoy looking at how our TikToks are doing. But you’re not a student of TikTok? I don’t peruse it that often. I find TikTok… Just between you and me, I know you’re a Reddit man. I’m a Reddit man. I’m a TikTok. I TikTok over Reddit. I know it’s a completely different thing, but in terms of the place that it feels in my life, which is right before I go to bed, a little bit of entertainment. And I’ll use this is a teaser, next week we’re gonna go deep into TikTok, because of something that we’re doing on TikTok, and very excited about it. Well, and what we can tell you is that this Friday on TikTok, on the Mythical TikTok, which has become very active, if you haven’t noticed. Doing a lot of stuff over there. So we’re talking about the 15th. Yeah, yeah, yeah. October 15th. We’re gonna pull on all-nighter, we’re gonna write a song, we’re gonna do… It’s gonna be an interactive series, where we write, record and produce a song with your help. You’re not gonna wanna miss it. So go to the Mythical TikTok, which is the only place I’m sure to go on TikTok, and hang out with us. And I know that many of you are probably just like we are, which is- At Friday night, Okay? You’re resistant to new platforms, for good reason. You should be protective of your time and your attention. And then you have this idea about what TikTok is, and it’s kids dancing, and it is a lot of that. But there’s some really interesting stuff happening over there, and we’re really trying some stuff over there. So we’re gonna talk about all of that. We’re gonna debrief about what’s happening on our TikTok over this coming weekend, on the next Ear Biscuit, so you can save the rest of that. But back to what I was saying, I don’t know if you saw… You didn’t see, apparently. There’s a famous TikTok of a guy singing multiple harmony parts. ♪ I can be brown, I can be blue ♪ ♪ I can be violet too ♪ ♪ I can be… ♪ And there’s six parts. And it’s very satisfying. I mean, I know you hate acapella music, but it’s very satisfying for harmony lovers, which I consider myself. I am that, that’s the strange nexus of love and hate. Well, it’s very impressive. And by the end, the guy is singing really, really high. A lot higher than I can sing. Well, this has been parodied and redone. Well, Ryan Reynolds, I guess recently joined TikTok and he did it and he was singing it. And then the way it stacks up is just like, it says what the part’s gonna be, and then the third part comes in, and Will Ferrell comes into the show, and it just says, Will Ferrell, and he sings the next two parts. And it’s funny, and it’s got… ‘Cause they’re on set together for about- Tens of millions of views, of course it does. Traditional celebrities decided to TikTok, and it’s like everybody… Jesus in their pants. We ain’t mad about it. So Michael Bublé has a TikTok as well. And he made- What’s in his pants. He made a TikTok, where he was responding to the fact that now we know that Ryan Reynolds can also sing, and he was just being very sad about it. ‘Cause he was like, “Singing’s my thing, man. Okay, you can act, you’ve got perfect abs, and now we find out you can sing as well? So I was like, okay- I think he’s got a alcohol brand, he’s got a great sense of humor. Bumbe. So Bublé, the crooner that he is… I actually, I don’t know if I finished the TikTok, I got the joke and I was like, “Okay, I get it, Bublé.” I’m not necessarily a Bublé fan, but I was like, “Oh, he’s got a few TikTok.” And I saw the first one, so I don’t know how long ago this was, but it was basically him turning 46. And it was like… He had two cupcakes, one with the four one with the six, and the six comes in, and he pushes it out. And the fourth comes in, and he wants to just be six, but no he’s 46. You had to be there, you had to watch it. And I was like, “Man, well, I’m not as old as Michael Bublé.” But I basically am. We would be contemporaries. We were in high school at the same time. You know what I’m saying? I didn’t have any point of reference for how old Bublé was, but just because he’s this crooner, who’s doing this throwback thing, I would have… If you had just randomly asked me, “How old is Bublé?” I would be like, “55.” I haven’t seen him, I don’t look… I don’t know how old his face looks, he doesn’t look 55. It’s just in my mind, Bublé is 55. At least he’s not younger than you. I mean, that would be the crisis. But there are plenty of people who are younger. I’m pretty sure Reynolds is younger. Yeah. Will Ferrell’s not. You’re right, Rhett, plenty of people are younger than you. I’m one of them. That’s one thing, the second thing is, I’m getting myself a birthday present. That’s the best thing to do. Even though my wife said, “I already got you a birthday present.” What happen if you still get your own? You don’t know what that is yet. Oh, you know what? Kiko just let me know Ryan Reynolds is 44. So we’re the same age. That’s good too then. Again, he’s not younger than you. It’s the way we go. It’s funny how he got back to Ryan Reynolds, that bastard’s 44. He does everything. He’s got abs, he can sing, he can act, he’s got an alcohol brand, and he happens to just be the same age as me. How many kids does he have? I mean, is there something we can have on this guy? I think maybe he doesn’t. How do you know he doesn’t have any? Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t wanna know who- Kiko will find that out in a second. So what are you getting yourself for your birthday? It better not be a motorcycle. Oh, he’s got three kids. He’s got three? Well, how old are they? I mean, there’s gotta be something. Kiko’s Googling so many things right now. How old are they? I mean, are his kids younger than ours? Is he… I think he’s in the throes of toddlerdom or something. Yeah, surely- He’s miserable. He doesn’t have a kid leaving for college at this point. So we’ll find that out. What I’m getting myself is a guitar. A double-neck? Yeah, of course. A guitar actually. One, four and six. So he… Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh. Well, we got… Reynolds, your life sucks right now. Oh, man. You’ve a one-year old, you have a demon child. Sorry, man. We got you. We’re better than you, man. So anyway… And I’m younger than you. Well, I think I am technically a little bit too, he was born in 76. But I recently… One of the things that’s happened as I’ve gotten older is I’m learning to get in touch with what I actually like, and what I realized recently, even though I have three, sorry, I do have three Taylor guitars, it’s a long story. I bought one for myself a while back, that was a little bit nicer. We got a less nice one for tour, just in case it broke. And then it screwed up one night, so they bought a second one. So I ended up with these, I got three guitars. Okay. But they’re all kind of the same. Well, yeah, they’re all the same, and none of them are like really high level Taylor guitars. But I had this thing in my mind, and a Taylor guitar sounds great. And I remember there was this thing that like, in my mind it was like a contemporary Christian music thing, when we were in college. All the guys were playing Taylor guitars, and it has a lot of high end to it or something. And it was just like… It was like the Shane and Shane thing that was happening, like the super-fast strumming that was happening back in the day. And so I thought, “Oh, I like Taylor guitars too.” But then I started realizing that all the music that I enjoy, people don’t play Taylor guitars, they’re playing Martins and Gibson’s. They’re playing the older school, warmer, more body kind of guitars. And I was like, “I feel like I need to finally just admit what I actually like in a guitar.” It sounds like this is another aspect of your spiritual deconstruction. It is part… I don’t wanna say Taylor is the Christian guitar, ’cause I don’t wanna put that on them, and I don’t think that that’s true. But yeah, so I’m actually looking into… You got no Martin? Well, I don’t know. I’m gonna go to a couple of guitar shops and play some stuff to get… Oh. But one of the things that’s happening at guitar technology over time is that, Martin and Gibson and a couple of other companies are doing this artificial aging. And I’m not talking for cosmetic purposes, but they’re basically taking a guitar, and making it out of the same materials as a guitar from like the thirties or forties. And then they’re doing a thermal aging, which I guess is a fancy word for baking the wood, so that the guitar essentially- Kind of like the stressing genes. Takes on the physical characteristics of an old guitar, not for cosmetic purposes for audio Auditory purposes. So that you get the tone, that you would have to sit around and wait 70 years for. I mean, you couldn’t just go for a 70 year old guitar. Did you think about that? They are a lot more expensive. Like splurge. But listen, the artificially age, is already a splurge based on what I’ve looked at. Like how much? I mean, you’re not bragging, we’re just talking, we’re just being honest. I think I saw one for like $5,000. I don’t know if I’m gonna go that big for a guitar, but this is my guitar for like… This is it. For my birthday. This a guitar that I’m gonna die with. I bought- You gotta put it… You gotta get me an extra big coffin, ’cause you’re gonna bury me with it. And you know what? As frugal as I am, I bought a bike, an upgraded mountain bike, full suspension. And you know what? I dropped six grand on that thing. Of course my birthday’s in June, and I bought it a month ago, because it took me that long to work up the gumption, and then to actually find one in stock. But that was a big splurge. You know what? I was on it this morning. It might’ve been the biggest splurge you’ve ever done. Loving it. I think that car was. And when you asked me, not to brag about my ability to guess things, but when you ask me, “Out of the blue, how much do you think I paid for this?” I was within 1 cent in my guess. Because it was a very round price, it was like 5,995 or something. Yeah, but to pull a guess for a mountain bike out of the air. I mean, I’ve seen mountain bikes in stores, and they’re really What do you want me to do? Buy you a Taylor? Yeah, yeah. Sing you a praise song? You know what? I should spend the exact same amount on my guitars, as you spend on your bike. Then you should. And then we can trade, I’ll ride your bikes sometimes, you can play my guitar sometimes. For a guitar that expensive, a strap might round it up to six grand. Yeah Is probably included. In case probably included to that price. When it get really expensive things aren’t included. Like the freaking pedals weren’t included on my bike. I pay $6,000 for a bike. First of all, that’s crazy. But if you want a full suspension bike, I’m being defensive here. This is like not even a high end full suspension bike. This is something that you’re doing all the time. And a hard tail for years, and I earned it, okay? This is an investment on your personal health and your hobby. I don’t need to justify to anybody, but I do need pedals, which I had to buy separately. And I was like, “You’re gonna put these on for me at least.” Who are you talking to? Me? I’m not doing it. The dude at the shop who put them on. I wouldn’t know how to do that. You shouldn’t trust me. I tried to put together my bike that I got for shepherd, that I got online for $299, and I was putting it together and broke it, and had to take it to a bike shop, and they were like, “Oh, another one of these guys, bringing in a bike that he-” Don’t built your own guitar. “That he wants me to put together.” And you know what the bike shops do around here when you do that? They make you wait two months. They punish you because you didn’t buy it from them. Right. You know what? I got a lot I wanna share, about sending my daughter off to college. You should do that. Let’s get into it. But first, let’s promote some merge. What are we promoting? All right. Now we’re in video territory. See, this ad is only for you watching the video, which means now we can talk about Hazel in a… You know about it, and if not, you should go to our TikTok. If you don’t know anything, go to our TikTok, and watch the whole series from last Friday, ’cause we are about to spoil it. The only spoiler that will give is that, it’s a lot more than two guys sitting down, to write an interactive song. Okay? It’s something that we’ve been working on, for a really long time. And we’re very happy and proud of, and hopefully it was received well. We don’t know because- And hopefully we tricked you. It hasn’t happen yet. It hasn’t happen yet. That’s what we’re gonna talk about on the next- This shirt that I have on, that says, yearning by the Macon brothers. That says yearning by the Macon brothers. That’s us. You will understand the placement and the story, and the purpose and the story. but we can’t really tell you what this shirt means, and its significance without telling you the story, which you need to experience in real time. Cover up the Y, and it says earning. Yeah, man. Are we earning your respect? No, we’re earning dollars when we sell that shirt. So you can buy bikes. Buy that at mythical.com, rep your boys, literally in an alternate universe, where we’re trapped in an album that… Oh gosh! Did I just spoil it? I mean no, I think it’s fine. I think it’s fine. Mythical.com. leading up to Lily moving away to college, it was really something that was on my mind. I didn’t realize how much it had been built up in my mind, but I did have the wherewithal, in about a month before she left. I took a day, and I carved out a day for me, to have a retreat day. When I’m doing my own reflection, and I can lock out the outside world, and I can just take some time to think. And just me time, it’s more like the isolation trips, that we’ve taken over the years. Sometimes it’s taking a hike for an hour or two, or going on a bike ride. But I devoted more time for myself, and a big portion of it was thinking about, and anticipating what this process was gonna be like. And I was at the Creative House. At one point Mike stopped by, and I was talking to him about how I was processing everything. And I was talking to him about it. And then I just said… Sometimes you realize you’re at a point, where you feel emotion welling up inside of you, and you can make a choice, to either like, “Oh, my throat’s getting tight, and I’m feeling kind of tingly. I think I might cry.” And I’d built up to that in my own process, and my journaling that I’ve been doing on my own. But then I was sharing it with him, and I could tell that that was happening. And I just made a decision. I was like, “You know what, he’s a trusted friend. He’s here for me.” If you were there, if you just stopped by, I would have done the same thing with you. And I just started crying, and I just said… The thing that put me over the edge was, I’m gonna miss her so much. And I’m getting emotional now just because I still do. But I knew that it was gonna be difficult, but it was nice to have this moment, where I could just spend a few minutes, and just bawl like a baby. And Mike’s a good guy for that, because he’s such a good listener. And he welcomes sitting with you in that space. And he carries a handkerchief, which he uses to wipe your face. That he didn’t have a hanky, but it was just saying it out loud. “I’m going to miss her so much,” was cathartic, and also scary because it was still many weeks away. And the thing that I’d realized was that, it was much more built up than I had even thought. And I likened it to… When Christy and I were engaged, and then we got married. She was talking about how much of her thoughts and expectations, from a young age were geared towards getting married. That was just something that she, I guess fantasized about. She visualized her wedding day. And I actually realized that I did the same thing, with Lily leaving home and assuming she would go off to college, from a young age, just having this image in my mind. And it’s a cultural trope, right? We watched that animated movie, that was eerily similar to what we were going through, whatever. The Mitchells vs the Machines. The Mitchells vs the Machines. And that’s what the is about, and we watched that as a family. I might’ve talked about it on Ear Biscuits, I know I told you about it. So the idea of sending, I guess, especially your firstborn off to college, is something that’s really built up. And I realized that definitely for me with her, and the nature of our relationship made that so. Because I was at the Creative House. I hung a bunch of pictures up in there, just to start to put some finishing touches. We put finishing touches on the Creative House. Christy and Jessie both worked on stuff over there, introducing more plants and everything into the situation, because of what we’re gonna film. And one of the pictures that I put up, was a picture of my mom, you’ve seen it. And I got that- The one that you found when you were… I think you talked about this on the- Yeah, ’cause I decided I didn’t get a memento, and I went back in my nanny’s house, to get something from the house before it was stripped clean. And I took this picture of my mom, that I remember always seeing. And I hung it up in my office with some other pictures in a group. I also hung up the piece of art that was behind me, when we did the Split-screen episodes of Good Mythical Morning, during the pandemic. So I’m trying to… And I purchased a picture that is a replica, of the one that was hanging over the mantelpiece, at my Nana and Papa’s house when I was growing up. So like these things that connect to me, I wanted to put those up. But on this particular day, when I was alone processing how I was feeling, and looking at that picture of my mom, I realized that that picture of her, was when she got engaged to my dad. They took an engagement photo and put it in the paper, and did the wedding announcement thing. Her parents did that. And that was the moment when my mom, was leaving home for the first time, getting married, and getting on with her life separate from her parents. And it just hit me like a ton of bricks, that looking at that version of my mom in the picture, is the place that Lily’s at in life. The ages may be a few years difference, but the stage of life of leaving home is the same. And I couldn’t help, but feel that. When I went back into the house to grab something, and that was the picture I was drawn to, maybe I’m attaching meaning to it in retrospect, maybe subconsciously something was going on, but I definitely made this connection that, Lily is now that age, and going through this crossing over into this next phase of her life. And it was just a moving way for me to process, and also realized that, Lily has her own experience going in this whole process, and then I have my own experience. So I started thinking about my mom now, and my mom when I went off to college, and letting go of her only son. And I realized that I had… Well that Christy and I had our own experience to go through, our own journey in this process. That was separate from Lily’s. And we want to support her and celebrate her crossing over, so to speak, but also wanted to- You might wanna use a different- Crossing over sounds like she’s dying. Right. Moving out that’s nice- Moving forward, getting on with her life, whatever the most positive way to think about it. And that has been part of the struggle. But identifying that, I have my own experience in this that is separate from hers, and that is much more closer related to Christy’s experience. And I just wanted to be committed to being there for it, as much as I could. Being as present as I could. Which is why I’ve got notes, because I’ve been writing some stuff down, that as I’ve been going through this, it’s like what does this mean to me? And how that’s is not just a Lily thing, there’s a me version of this. You know what I’m saying? As the weeks continued, and it got closer and closer to her leaving, we started to have more conversations, about what it was going to be like. And Lily didn’t wanna talk about it too much. And I could tell it was because she was anxious. So actually having specific conversations, how do you visualize the move in day? How do you visualize how we’re going to drop you off? And it was actually helpful because she started saying things… Well, one of the things she said was, she admitted that she was concerned about me being recognized. When she moves in. Yeah. And she mentioned it to Christy first, and Christy mentioned it to me. So I was able to have more of a reaction with Christy and then figure out how I going to position myself in conversations with Lily. And what disguise you were gonna wear. And what disguise I was gonna wear. Exactly. ‘Cause it did kind of come to that. I was like, “I want to do whatever it takes to support Lily, and whatever makes her most comfortable.” And I do understand that she’s going off, she’s gonna a roommate, she’s gonna meet people during move in. And that first impression is associated, if now she’s associated with this guy, who’s famous on the internet. “Oh my God! I watched your dad growing up.” I mean, not Ryan Reynolds. Not Ryan Reynolds. Anything closer around Ryan Reynolds. No, not anywhere close. But just kinda of like- Except in age, and number of kids. Right. But not really in any- I mean Ryan Reynolds, he just couldn’t help his daughter move in. Like he couldn’t do that. I mean, it would become Ryan Reynolds day, at that particular college. That didn’t happen with you. So I wore a Deadpool costume, complete, face mask, everything. So when I talked to Lily, I was like, “Mom told me about your concern, and I totally get it.” And I don’t want… Let’s just have this conversation, because I’m on board for this. I’m actually on board. If I need to just sit in the car, or be back at the Airbnb, and just be on FaceTime or something. I’m willing to do whatever will make you comfortable.” But I was really scared, because I really wanted to be there. And so when I brought it up to her, I told her that and she said, “Oh no, you have to be there.” And I was like, “Oh, that feels so…” I’m so glad she said that. But I didn’t say that. I was like, “Okay, cool, then let’s talk about the details of this. I can wear a disguise.” And she’s like, “Well, wear a hat. And don’t wear that mythical hat, dad.” Sometimes you think you’re wearing a hat, so people don’t recognize you, and it’s a mythical hat. Yeah not really smart, but good point for her. And I’m like, “I’ll be wearing a mask the whole time. And because that’s gonna be the rule, and I can also wear sunglasses the whole time. But when we’re going inside, you know what? I’ll wear contacts. And I won’t talk a lot.” You mean you wear contacts, and not wear glasses. I wear contacts, so if I take my sunglasses off, I can see… Yeah, I’m not wearing my glasses. So it’s one less thing that… ‘Cause people have still recognized me with a hat and a mask on. So again, I wanted to do everything. So that was the plan, and I felt good about it, ’cause I could still be there. So you’re gonna be dressed like the invisible man. Yeah. Yeah. And then I stole your idea of making a cameo. So Christy and I, and Christy spearheaded this, before we left we had dinner with some people, that were close to Lily. And then we surprised her with a cameo montage, of her favorite survivor players, over the years, sending her off giving her well-wishes and advice for college. Some of them would talk for like 15 or 20 minutes. And she absolutely loved that. That was the night before we were leaving, and it could have been heavy. I mean, it’s just a brilliant thing. It costs them money to get these cameos. But even if you… Like piece of advice, even if it’s just one, is totally worth it because she was on cloud nine the rest of the night, when otherwise it would be like, “This is my last night in my bed, before I go off to college. I’m saying goodbye to my cat.” It was emotional, and it really helped. And I added a couple of hobbits there at the end. You got Billy Boyd was in. And then… Why am I forgetting his name? Samwise Gamgee from… Also in stranger things and- Yeah, Goonies. What’s his name stand by me. Sean Aston. Stand by me, Sean Aston. Sean Aston. And you can give them information. Like you gave all your cameo people information about Jessie. Some of it was false. Most of it. And so Christy gave true information, about where she’s going to school, and studying and all that stuff. So it was cool to have people talking about it. But then for Sean, I said, “I want you to make a cameo for Soccer, the cat, because his owner, Lily, my daughter, is leaving to go to college and Soccer can’t go.” At least until her sophomore year, if she moves off campus. So you need to tell him, “Hey, she still loves you. She’s not gonna be here that often, but she’ll still think about you, and she’ll FaceTime with you.” And there’s limited characters, so I tried to get all that in there. And then he never said one, and he never said one, and I was like, “This is just stupid.” And then I made the cameo clip, and he wasn’t in it. And then Lily was so excited when she was going to bed, she was like, “Give me the login to cameo, so I can watch these again in my bed.” And then when I gave her the login, she was like, “There’s another one here from Sean Aston.” And I’m like, “Yes, he did it. Let’s play it.” And then we played that one, and he got the assignment totally wrong. But he’s like the sweetest guy, he’s freaking Samwise Gamgee- So how did he interpret it? And then he would just like was talking about college, and I think at one point he thought that Lily was Soccer, but then I could tell in the middle of his… And he went for like over 15 minutes, very generous. I could tell that he glanced down at his information, and he was like, “I got this all wrong.” And then he took a breath, and then he started talking to Soccer, and he did it. That’s great. And it was amazing. And I got to give you credit, that was a brilliant move, and it really worked for her. I didn’t invent cameo, as much as I would like to take credit for that. So we all go as a family. And it’s a long drive. I’m intentionally not talking about where Lily’s going to college, because I don’t want to, and I don’t want there to be any speculation about it either, but many hours away, long drive. We’re driving at night, ’cause we had stuff to shoot during the day, and then we all hop in the car, I’d pack the night before. And so the plan was we get there that night at the Airbnb, the next day we move her in, but then we’re gonna stay at the Airbnb that night. We’ll get up in the next… She’ll stay in her dorm, get to know her roommates, plural, I’ll get to that. And then the next day we can get her any supplies she needs, we can have dinner. We can say goodbye that night. We’ll still say at the Airbnb, after we’ve said goodbye to Lily. We’ll get up the next morning, we’ll drive back home. So that’s what we did, that was the plan. We get there the first night, everybody’s exhausted, they go to bed at the Airbnb, but I had been super caffeinated for the long drive. And so I instituted what became a nightly ritual, which I would go for a walk around… It wasn’t the college town, but it was like an adjacent town over where we could get an Airbnb. So it was 1:00, AM and I’m walking around. And again, it’s another time when I’m just making a decision, to process my emotions and my thoughts, and memorialize this event for myself and be present for it. And I’m walking around this associated town to a college town, but not the college town at 1:00 AM. And there is nobody there. It was the strangest walk I’ve ever taken in my life. There was nobody, no signs of life anywhere, but there were a good number of Airbnb’s around, but I guess no people in them. Businesses closed, outdoor seating for some restaurants that weren’t put away. Nobody. I saw a police officer drive by, and that was it. No homeless people. I mean, we’re used to seeing homeless. You walk around, people who are experiencing homelessness, is what you’re supposed to call them. And they’re outside. None of that. So it was just strange. I started taking pictures of nothing. It was like an abandoned amusement park. It was weird without any rides. And then I’m like, “Damn! There’s a statue of a skunk. That’s weird.” And then I’m like, “God!” ‘Cause it was like- That’s an actual skunk. It was frozen, and it was totally stretched up. A statue of a skunk. And it wasn’t moving at all. And his mouth was open, like it had been taxidermied. And then I realized, “Oh my freak! That’s a skunk, a live skunk.” And I backed away. I was as far from me even that camera, as it’s skunk, and his tail was up, but it wasn’t facing me yet. And I’ve actually never walked up on a skunk. I just walked up on a skunk, literally two nights ago. We were at our friend’s house together, and when we were leaving- You texted us afterward. And he was like, “There’s a lot of skunks in our neighborhood in Los Angeles. And I was like, “Okay.” He was like, “You might just watch him as you’re walking to your car.” I was like, “This is a weird-” You said it was a thoroughfare. “This is a weird piece to advice.” Was it frozen when you saw it? Yeah. I did not for a moment think that it was a statue or a lawn ornament, but yeah, it was- And it was- Your loss. Arched back, tail up, facing away from me as I walked past it, like ready to squirt. Is that correct? No. Spray. Spray. Ready to spray. And so I backed away and just kept walking, but I was like, “He was right, man. There’s skunk all over this place.” He walked away, and then I finished my walk. I didn’t get too emotional that night, ’cause I was like, “Oh tomorrow’s the big day.” We move her in the next afternoon, so we had some quality time together, eating late breakfast. There’s a whole rigmarole to move her in, especially with COVID protocols, and stretching people out. So you had to sign times. There wasn’t a swarm of people, because they had taken care to isolate. Now, Lily had met a potential roommate online. They hit it off, so they requested a room together, even though she was thinking about requesting a room alone, a single person room because she’s an introvert. Well, when her and her roommate got the assignment, they were together, but there were also four other people in the room. I’m not talking about a suite, I’m talking about one room, one space, with loft beds and bunk beds all over it. It’s like six women in a room together. I was like, “Talk about polar opposite of what you wanted, or thought you needed.” That’s intense, man. And she had emailed and said, “Put me on a wait list for a smaller room.” None of that came through. So we knew we were moving in or into a room, with all these other people, and some of them had moved in. And so when we moved her stuff in, I’m in my getup, mask, sunglasses, contact lenses, hat. Non mythical hat. Non mythical hat. We put all our stuff in a cart, and we take it up to the room. We’re looking at the room for the first time. You’re walking a little bit different? Yeah, yeah. Not nearly as cool. Not Link- Less cool. We get into this room and there are other, her roommates, a handful of ’em had already moved in. And it was quiet. There was no music playing, nobody was talking. And I made up my mind, I’m not gonna talk, because people would recognize my voice. And this is something we talked about. “I’m gonna keep quiet,” is what I said. Well, I didn’t anticipate that me keeping quiet would really set the tone, that when this family comes in to move Lily in, they’re really quiet. Like Lando didn’t talk, Lincoln didn’t talk. Then Christy was whispering to Lily. And then all of a sudden I realized, this is the strangest… Like you guys are moving into a museum. It felt so weird, ’cause the girls who were already in there weren’t talking. And I felt like there was this awkwardness of like, “Right, another roommates moving in, were gonna need to meet her. But her parents are here, her two younger brothers are here. It’s a little strange.” But then it basically became silence. And that was really strange, ’cause I didn’t wanna be like… ‘Cause what I would’ve done normally was like, “Hey, it’s kind of quiet in here. You wanna play some music? Everyone can speak freely.” And I would have embarrassed Lily. So it is actually good that I kept my vow of silence, but it permeated in a very weird way, that I’ll never forget. Her move in was just- That’s weird. Yeah. Silent. It feels like the other… I mean this is the challenge. It was like we were sneaking around, like we weren’t supposed to be there. The challenge of that many people in her room, you feel like, “I’m gonna leave for a while, while this other person moves in.” But you can’t really make a policy, where you leave the room every time things get shaken up a little bit, because you’ll never be in there. Right. So we got in and out of there, and then it wasn’t the big goodbye. It was like, “Hey, stay the night. We’ll pick you up tomorrow, we’ll go grocery shopping and stuff. We’ll see you again.” So it was cool. And we had the luxury with a couple of nights, to let her later ease into it. So we left and we went back to the Airbnb, and that night I went on another walk. Before we moved in, we had written our letters. So the first morning we got up, Christy and I each wrote her a letter, and then we actually got the boys to write her a letter too. And in her journal and stuff, when she was moving in, we put it in a strategic place where she would find it. But then that night after moving her in, and her not being at the Airbnb with us, I took another walk that night. And it was a little bit more emotional. I found myself starting to have dramatic thoughts like, “From now on every time Lily comes home from college, it’s gonna feel different. She’s no longer gonna be… She’s gonna come home as a visitor, versus someone who lives here.” You can only hope. It’s gonna think… Yeah. I found myself thinking, “Okay, this is a definitive end of an era, but the truth is, hey, you never know what can happen. I mean, pandemic’s an example, but there’s so many things that could happen. It’s like, “All right, you know what? You are gonna move back home for a little bit at some point.” But I tend to like, because I wanna be so present, I acknowledge that I tend to really dramatize things. Maybe more than is necessary, but I think, “Hey, if that makes it more fun, but also more emotional and more meaningful, I just want to be here for it.” And some of it, maybe I’m conjuring. That’s just my approach to these things. We get up the next day. This was the dreaded day, that led up to the actual goodbye. And so the grocery shopping, and we went out to dinner. I resisted the urge to turn dinner into one more big speech moment. “Let’s go around, and everyone tell Lily something special about her. Let’s give her some encouragement, about how she’s gonna be at college.” She wouldn’t have loved that. So we kept it just kind of like, “Oh, it felt like a normal dinner.” We’re doing good. We get back in the car, and then Lando just gets emotional. And then he’s crying for all the way there. He’s just crying a lot. And it was like, “Poor buddy. He’s just so sad.” And that was his moment. And then we’re standing out in the parking lot, and I picked a place where there wasn’t foot traffic, where we could have our moment. And it was like, “Okay, everybody’s got to say their goodbye. And you know what? I’m gonna position myself to be last. I wanna be last.” Didn’t tell anybody that. But Lando was crying, so he went first. She’s consoling him. And Lincoln and Lily had their inside jokes, in saying goodbye. And Christy’s embracing her and whispering in her ear. And then it’s my turn. And I embrace her. And she’s crying, and I’m crying. And I’m saying like, “You got this, we’re so excited for you.” And then she’s like, “Mom already said the exact same things.” I’m like, “Yeah, we’re a team.” That’s the problem with going last, man. We’re a team. You gotta brings something new to the table. And then- Did you see other groups of parents? No, earlier like the day before, we saw a couple of tearful goodbyes. So yes, we had seen it happen. And that’s why I was like, “I need to pick a better place in this parking lot, where people won’t be seeing us, ’cause I just don’t want that to be a factor.” So it was nice, it was beautiful. It was happy and sad at the same time. Christy and I have been talking about that Casey Mustgrave song a lot, and how it really applies. That at every moment of feeling deeply sad, there’s a companion thought of, “This is something to celebrate, and this is a new beginning for her. And this is an exciting opportunity.” There’s a lot of things to celebrate, right? So it’s both at the same time. I end my embrace and then she walks away. And I’m pulling up camera and taking a picture of her walking away. And I’m like, “This is the moment that I’ve thought about Ever since Lily was born, is just seeing her walk away.” And now every time she walks back, it’s a different arrangement. She no longer is under my roof. She’s no longer… Well, I still feel like she’s my responsibility, but the terms of our relationship have shifted. The environment is totally different. She’s crossed over into new life. And I go back and I’m like, “Man, I really need my walk tonight.” And I walked back… I take my walk, didn’t see the skunk. And I just found a place to sit down, and that’s when I just had this shoulder jumping, body heaving, just crying, just letting it all out. And it felt good to be able to do it. I felt like I go through so much of my life, knowing that there’s something in there that I know it hurts, but it’s hard to let it out. It’s hard not to stop it at the throat. And I’m like, “All right, this is part of it.” I can’t remember the specific things I was thinking, but I need to remember, ’cause if I have her have to be an actor and cry again, this is the moment I should go to. It was that trouble. But I think there were some people around, ’cause this was much earlier, this wasn’t 1:00 AM, it wasn’t a ghost town. And you’re just seeing some dude, just like… Just body shaking, crying. The Walker. The Walker is out again. And then I’m walking, and it was good. And again, that was for me. Sure I cry on Lily’s shoulder, when she was crying on my shoulder. But it wasn’t to the point. I wasn’t going to be a wreck in front of her, because that’s not a great way to send her off. I didn’t want her to… I didn’t want to add one shred of doubt, that I’m not gonna be able to handle it. But if she would’ve seen me at that moment, you’d have been like, “Oh God, you need to go to the emergency room?” So, I surprised myself. And it did feel like an achievement of, “Oh God, I got it out.” And I’m walking back feeling lighter. And I took a different route. I knew there was this path around these town homes, and this creek that wasn’t… It was like a dirt path and I’d walked it during the day. And I walked, there was some lighting. So I said, “I’m gonna walk this way back tonight.” It’s my last night here. And the lights at first, then they started to diminish. And by the time I got further on the path, behind these houses, I started to feel like I was some sort of creeper, like I was in people’s backyards. And it’s like, “This look different during the day. But at night I don’t feel like I should be here.” And I’m starting to have these doubts, and there’s a lot of darkness on the path. And then all of a sudden I hear somebody say, “I mean, no harm.” And the sound was not coming from… That’s a great way to- A human height, the sound was coming from the ground. Skunk height. It was coming from skunk height in the darkness. The talking skunk? I recoiled, I didn’t say anything. I went Like a shaggy from Scooby-Doo pose on the DVD cover. He’s gotta mean no harm. I put my left shoulder forward, and like, “Oh, is it a skunk? And when I didn’t say anything, and I still couldn’t see anything, but it was a person squatting. And that person who meant no harm then said, I’m just a woman. And I start to look, and I squint my eyes, and I saw this puddle. And it was a woman squatting and peeing behind a town home. I think she had left the bar or something. She had left, she was on a walk with somebody, she had to pee really badly. ‘Cause she was dressed to go out, from what I could tell and she had to pee. Would you have seen her, If she had said nothing? I would’ve walked right over her. And that would’ve really scared the crap out of me, slipping on a woman’s peeing. Well what did you say? She said, “I’m just a woman.” And I was like, “Oh, it’s okay.” And then she stood up and she came towards me, and then hung a hard left and went back up through two town homes. Did she finish? I didn’t ask her that, but I think she did. There was quite a puddle, a flowing puddle. And I was like, “Yeah, I’m just gotta give… You could have done citizen’s arrest for public urination. Would’ve been cool. I mean, no harm, I’m just a woman. Too late, woman. I was standing in the light, she could see me clearly. And she could tell that I was absolutely terrified of this. I don’t know. It could have been like a squatting bridge troll for all I knew. Right. Changing its voice. Just drooling. Lily had asked, she was like, “Why don’t you come by in the morning before you leave town?” I’m like, “No, no, no, no, no, this is it.” That was before we said goodbye. She was trying to delay it. And like, “No, no, no, we have to, we gotta hold firm.” It’s like, “We can’t delay this. We can’t have another goodbye one more day. We’ll talk to you, but…” And just to reverse a little bit, when I was crying and shaking, before I saw the woman who peed and meant no harm… After I had a good cry, I texted Lily and she responded. And we had a good exchange, and it was… I took a screenshot of it for my own memory, to just be like, “This is the first conversation we had, where she’s no longer my daughter.” I’d think dramatic things like that. Of course she’s still my daughter. It’s like, “What’s wrong with-” You think dramatic things. Really? It really helped when we had that text exchange. And the next morning we get up, we pack up our stuff, we’ve got a whole lot less crap. And we took the day leisurely driving back. And now, having been a few weeks of her being off at school, she’s off to a really good start. She’s made friends with her roommates. They’ve had fun together, she started her classes. It’s so far so good. I can tell she definitely has her doubts of like, “Did I make the right decision? Is this too far away? I don’t have a car, I’m using public transportation. I’m figuring out so things.” It feels like… I remember how it felt like, we were close to home, and we came home every weekend stuff that we talked about, but still it feels like, “Okay, her future hangs in the balance, depending on how this goes.” And I’m not being over dramatic to her, again, I keep that to myself, and just giving her encouragement. But I am encouraged that she’s doing well, when we FaceTime, she’s smiling. And she wants to FaceTime, and she wants… And she still misses us, but it’s going good. But now we’re trying to figure out, “All right, how do we conduct our relationship? And what does that look like? How much should I be texting? And Christy and I are talking, how much should we be reaching out, and pushing for details, or letting her reach out to us. And there’s this dance of figuring out, how we conduct our relationship now. Because there’s some feeling that out, and also setting some precedent. That like, “Okay, we started a new text chain with the three of us, and I’ll get mad if Christy texts her sometimes, outside of the chain or vice versa.” And it’s like, “Oh, we wanna be included in the conversation, and figuring out, okay, I don’t know… I don’t wanna start asking a bunch of questions, and make her feel like I’m checking up on her, so I’m just gonna send her a picture of the cat. And then if she responds, then I’ll know that she’s in a position, where maybe she can talk and I’ll see if she can FaceTime. Or other times I find myself… Christy and I were talking last night, her bedroom in our house is in the middle of the hallway. And so no matter where you go in the house, that’s the central point. And so we always walk by it and the door’s open, and everything’s fixed in her room. And I just find myself… That’s the reminder. It’s like this constant reminder that, “Oh, she’s not in that room anymore. You mean you’re not immediately turning it into a gym? I mean, we were joking about what we were gonna turn the room into, but it’s just gonna be there for her to be the same, when she comes home for Thanksgiving or Christmas break. But, yeah, I found myself going by the room, and just walking in there and standing. And checking on the litter box. “Oh, that’s why I’m in here. I’m in here to check on the cat’s litter box, or if the dog took a shit in there.” Which he does. Yeah. Jasper’s got… Yeah, he’s got some issues. When you were hanging out the other day, I was gone for a while, and then you found me in Lily’s room, cleaning up the dog shit, that I had stepped on, and almost slipped to the floor. But yeah, it’s just like… I don’t know. Making decisions is… Well, I’m not gonna go and just stand in her room, and just be sad. I’m gonna have to channel that into something. But I’m just I’m… And I shared this in the Good Mythical Morning episode, where I talked about our matching tattoos, but just the fact that when she is 18, and she’s moving out of the house, that we have a relationship, where she wants to get a matching tattoo with me. It meant so much. And we got so close over the pandemic, like late nights on the weekend when it was just like, “I’m gonna hang out and watch stuff late at night.” And she’s gonna stay up late, making Mac and cheese. And so that’s when we connect. And, “Hey, I’m watching this, you wanna come in here and watch this? Let’s hang out.” So over the pandemic, we really became friends, and it is the thing, that you hope will happen with your kids. And I didn’t realize how much that was my specific goal, to state it in terms of her leaving, that when she moves out of the house, I want our relationship to be such that she wants to FaceTime, she wants to reconnect. We still have stuff that we’re talking about that’s not… It’s the nature of the conversations, is not just about is dad checking up on you, and trying to get information out of you and details? You know? Mm-hm. Or she calling me saying, “I need money, or I need this, or I need that.” Of course we want her to be able to come to us, when she needs stuff, but I still want her to want to have a connection. And it’s a tremendous blessing of the pandemic, that I think with her being so limited in who she could be with, The fact that we all found a way to enjoy each other. And it really set us up, and gives me hope that the goodbye was not… It’s a change of practices with our relationship, but it’s not in any way the end of our relationship, that I would sometimes internalize and dramatize that way. So when I go downstairs for a late night snack, and usually she’d be in there, and we’d be having a conversation. Now, it’s like, “Well, I’m gonna get Lincoln outta his room, and get him off of his video games, and say, “Hey son, you gotta step it up, because Lily’s gone. You gotta be the friend that she was to me.” I’ve told him that. And he’s laughed, but yeah, it is an opportunity. I really think about the lesson learned with Lily did in a positive way, to create me and Lincoln’s version of that over the next two years. But yeah, I go to the pantry and I’m like, “There’s Lily cereal. The one that she said I couldn’t have.” So I’m sending her a text and saying, “Do I have your permission to eat the rest of your strawberry, honey bunches of oats?” And she’s like, “No, you gotta save it for when I come home.” And she’s like, “Just kidding, you can have it.” I’m like, “I texted our picture of the empty bowl, and I’m like, “Too late I already ate it.” So it’s just making… We’re at a phase now what we’re still trying to figure out, how do we keep the relationship active, and keep that bond going? And being able to celebrate and give her the support, and strength she needs to keep looking forward, and not start looking back to us. Yeah. But that’s pretty much the experience I wanted to share. And I’m grateful that it has been pretty heart wrenching for me, ’cause it just says a lot about our relationship. But it’s for the best, and I believe in it. You sound like you’re dealing with it well. But it may not… And it may be totally different with the boys. Well, what I’ve been thinking about as you’ve been talking- And I’m not saying because they’re boys, but for all factors. I’m different than you, Locke is different than Lily. Our families are different in some ways. One of the things that I think me and Locke have in common and Jessie also, we’re always thinking about the future. We’re kind of always on the next page. Mm-Hmm, yeah. And a lot of times when people aren’t on the next page, it’s just like, “Why are you still on this page? ‘Cause we’re all already in the next chapter.” Right? And so Locke has a tendency… I mean, if you think about the way that I treated college, do think it had something to do with the fact that, we went to school close? Sure. But I’ve ventured to guess that, if I had have gone to school a state away, it wouldn’t have been much different. The process of my parents dropping me off, would’ve been like… I’m not saying my dad would’ve just shaken my hand, like in an old fifties movie, but it would’ve been like the nineties version of that. Well, we weren’t friends with our parents. That was not something that was a part of the equation. And I know you have that. Yeah. I’m definitely… me and Locke are friends, but he’s so much like… Well, there’s a couple of dynamics. One, he’s so much like me that we… You talk about during the pandemic, you and Lily got close. During the pandemic, me and Locke being close to each other, was actually a huge source of conflict. You know him, he’s got his own ideas about everything, and he is a challenger. He’s an Ingram eight. Yeah. The whole going with the flow, or being a part of the program and a part of the plan. But his nature is to figure out what the plan is, and then depart from it. And that’s a difficult thing as a parent, that we are constantly battling each other, right? And so there’s a lot of tension oftentimes, in our communication. Yeah. The good news is that we communicate very frequently, about basically everything. So he is not like a lot of teenagers that are like, “I’ve got all this stuff that I’m thinking about, and doing that you don’t have any idea about.” It’s like we talk about everything. But a lot of times there’s an intensity to the conversation, and not a, “Hey, we’re just chilling.” We’re working through something. So I think it’s finding the time to be like, “How can we have some hang time, some intentional hang time to lay the groundwork for that, for the rest of your life.” Yeah. And what you’re saying makes me think of, the terms of how Lincoln and I interact, and the bond that we have is different, and it’s not fair… I was joking and I think that he knew that I was joking, when I’m like, “Hey, you gotta step up, ’cause Lily’s leaving.” I actually don’t know if he’s like, “I think that Lily was dad’s favorite.” I don’t know. I don’t think it’s to that point. Or like I want you to then fill the hole that she’s left, because the relationship with each child is totally different. I mean, the stuff that Jessie was talking about, two episodes ago about parenting. Yeah. That’s ringing in my ears now in terms of each child is different, and so the nature of your relationship is different. Of course it is, that’s how relationships work. It’s interesting when you look at certain milestones in the future, and you’re like… Especially for me, I’m like, “I’d like for it to be this way.” And then I need to acknowledge that, first of all, I’m not in charge of it, and I don’t need to control things, to make them the way that I want them to be. But there’s certain values that I want to build into our relationship. So there’s some fundamental truths associated with our experience, that are different than me controlling the minutia of curating an experience. So just like a communication climate that, “Hey, we’re…” Like what you’re talking about. You absolutely know that, you’re not gonna replicate my experience with Lily with Locke. And it’s a good reminder that, I’m not gonna do that with Lincoln either, because that doesn’t make sense. That’s not how relationships work. Right. But as a parent, you do look forward to things like… And I think that for me, what I just went through with sending Lily off was more emotional than even when she gets married. I don’t know. Did I give that impression? Because I actually… I could be wrong, but I think that’s… I definitely think so, because the transition between leaving home, and it’s much more personal to you. But It’s not the one that… I mean, when you think about the father of the bride, and… Of course I’m gonna be emotional, but I just don’t think it will be to the extent that I just went through. Oh, for the sake of the wedding guests, I hope not. Right. What’s wrong with his shoulders? Does he need to go to the ER? He’s got speech jammed. But as a parent looking for… I mean, I start to think about… Okay, when all the kids are out of the house, I want them to want to come them back and go on a vacation. I want to go on like a extended family vacation. I want them to bring their significant others back with them, and “Hey, we’re gonna do this together, let’s go.” Well, I’ll just pay for it, and that’ll take care of itself. And so I visualize these things, but ultimately it comes down to, you want to cultivate a meaningful, active relationship, and then it takes two to tango. You wanna be a re a resource for her, because the nature of the communication with our kids, like you said… Just simply by way of having a phone, and being able to be in the more constant communication, the fact that we know… It gets late, and I look at my phone to figure out where Locke is. Think about how different of an experience that was from what we had. We could have been and should have been dead many times, when we were their age, the stuff that we did. Mostly at the bottom of a river. Yeah. But now it’s just like, “Oh, it’s 12:30. Locke’s not home. Oh, I see the street that he’s on right now. I know whose house he’s at.” Okay. You know, it’s like- We don’t have that on for Lily at this point. She didn’t want that, and it’s like- Well, yeah, now that she’s 18. I would like it. Now that she’s 18. But just the being able to be in that constant communication, is something that now you have to think about like, “Okay, what part of this am I doing for me, and what part am I doing for her? ‘Cause I think about that whole vacation example, and I hear myself, and it feels like, “Well, that’s a nice dream. There’s no guarantee of that.” But it also feels like an expectation that our kids’ lives, as they build their own lives, are gonna still revolve around our family unit. And I think that’s why it’s emotional, because I know that that’s shifting. And I know that I took my immediate family, away from our extended family when we moved out here, and they just don’t have the same connection, that I hope to maintain with my kids. But that made me chasing them across the country, because I know that their lives aren’t gonna revolve around me as dad. It may mean it may mean the nature of your relationship, or the nature of how often you see them physically in the same space, may change. I mean, one of the things that you said earlier, you were like, “I made sure to not have this breakdown in front of her.” Or, “I made sure to kind of keep those things from her.” I mean, for better or worse, that’s not happening. Your emotions, and the way that you’re processing it, Lily is 100% feeling that and interpreting that. Every look on Christy’s face, every change in the tone of voice, with both of you, your kids pick up on all that stuff. Sure. You can have this illusion in your mind that you’re keeping it from… And boundaries are important, but what I’m saying is that, your kids know everything that you’re feeling, and everything that you’re thinking. And so it’s more about managing it and keeping yourself in check, but you don’t begin to believe that like, “Oh, she has no…” She knows exactly how you’re processing this. That doesn’t mean you should do it in front of her. I agree with your decision. But you’re right. You’re right. But it would’ve been The decision- That moment that I was talking about, I didn’t let go, and I’m like, “I’m gonna miss you so much.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don’t wanna make it about self, and so separating yourself…. But I’m saying that in terms of the emotional quality that is coming out. We put all our shit onto our kids. Just like Jessie said, it’s harm reduction at this point. Because everything that we think that we’re keeping from them is actually seeping out. That doesn’t mean you don’t set the boundaries, it’s just an awareness that like, “Oh, she totally knows how difficult this was.” I mean, one of the things I saw in so many families, throughout the pandemic is anxiety over COVID, that parents had was transferred like an avalanche on the kids. Even if you think you’re keeping it from them. Right. You know what I’m saying? If you’ve got anxiety, if you were worried constantly about it, your kids inherited that and took that on. And we were with them so regularly that you can’t help it. It’s more about being like, “Okay, what have I unintentionally passed on to them? Like what emotional qualities have they picked up, and how can I minimize that, and undo that as much as I possibly can, before they go out into the world and put it on other people.” Yeah. And now it’s like, “All right, she is out in the world.” It definitely feels like, “All right, but let’s see what the next four years hold, and where she’s really out in the world.” I can feel that there’s another stage of… College world is not the real world. So that mitigates it too. And that’s one of the great things about it. Hey, you know what? We’ve done a good job. That’s what I tell Christy. We’re far from perfect, but we’ve succeeded at minimizing harm and projecting that to the point where she’s doing her thing. Yeah. I’m not worried about Lily. I’m not worried about her either. I’m worried about you. I’m doing good, man. I had to get my own cereal. I couldn’t use that excuse anymore. “Well, this is Lily’s cereal. I just happened to be eating it.” You got a wreck, this is your wreck. I do. I happen to listen to an episode of Rainn Wilson and Reza Alan’s podcast, Metaphysical Milkshake. Guest was Jason Isbell, my favorite contemporary artist. Somebody on Twitter did point out that I had been saying his last name incorrectly by saying Isbell. Incidentally, whenever he is a guest on anything, including Metaphysical Milkshake, they said Isbell, but when he introduces himself, it is Isbell. So I’m going respect Jason and start saying Isbell. Okay, well then call him Mr. Isbell. So Mr. Isbell is a guest on this podcast and the episode title was, “Where Does Music Come From?” And man, every time I hear this dude talk, my level of respect and admiration goes up, like his- I gotta listen to it. I saw your tweet, and I responded to it. Yeah. You thought that I had been a part of the conversation, and I realized later that I did make it thanks for the insightful and delightful conversation. It was like, “Oh, not.”- Was he on Ear Biscuits without me? Thanks for having an insightful and delightful conversation. So, yeah. And it is so interesting because they’re talking about it, and they come from different places, right? Rainn and, and Reza are coming from more of a spiritual standpoint, in talking about where this inspiration comes from. And Jason is kind of like, “Well, that’s not really my perspective.” But the way they meet in the middle and kind of… And he actually literally talks about his songwriting process. Oh, cool. And then he demonstrates, Rainn gets him to pick up a guitar, and demonstrate how he begins to write a song. Oh, whoa. I gotta hear. It’s just a cool- A tweet didn’t do it for me, but this did. Yeah, his insight into the perception, like the way that certain kinds of music got to him in Alabama, and the way it changed the way… Has began to change his worldview, really awesome conversation. So Metaphysical Milkshake episode, “Where Does Music Come From” with Jason Isbell. And I recommend it? Boy, we parented hard today. If you wanna hear more about us talking parenting stuff, we’re doing live Facebook audio interviews with other dads like Terry Cruz. That was an amazing conversation, so that lives on our Mythical Facebook page. And so #EarBiscuits, let us know what you think about this, from whatever perspective you’re coming from. Maybe that’s parent, maybe that’s otherwise. And remember this coming Friday, big TikTok, hang with us on our mythical channel. It’s gonna be fun. You’re gonna want to be there. And then that’s why we’ve already planned on next week’s Ear Biscuit that we’re gonna unpack, that whole experience, and a lot of TikTok stuff that we’re thinking about. Yeah. Whether you like TikTok or not- We’re gonna make you like TikTok. To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left. And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical best.