Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Link. And I’m Rhett. This week at the Round Table of Dim Lighting, we are responding to your questions and disputes that you brought to us when we asked you, “Are you beefing with a friend, family member, or partner? Let us settle your dispute once and for all. Serious, funny, or bizarre, we’re here to help.” That’s us. Give us a call at 1-88-EARPOD1. EARPOD1. So we’re gonna do that with our many years of settling disputes, both with each other and with others. We’re somewhat experts. We’re peacemakers. We’re peacemakers, but we’re problem solvers. Problem solvers. And today, Engineers. it’s not just about making peace, it’s about being right. Yeah, right. We’re gonna tell you who definitively in your dispute is right. Unless we disagree, which is gonna get awkward. But before we get into that, I have a little update. I want to give you a little something I’ve been sitting on since I arrived here this morning. Oh. As you know, I played in my first ever celebrity golf tournament yesterday. I did know that. Ha-ha, yes I did. Oh, yeah, so you gotta play with a celebrity? Yeah, I did. Yeah, it was the Comedy Gives Back, 2nd Annual Comedy Gives Back Celebrity Golf Tournament. And it was funny because I just, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. Like I see- You want to give back to comedy? Well, yeah, that. I see the, like the celebrity Pro-ams and stuff, and I like golf and I, at least in some circles, am considered a celebrity. So I was like, just, you know, little bucket list item. Let’s play in one and see what happens. So, because I guess in some senses, I am a comedian, I was included in this group of about 25 stand-up comedians. Oh. Including the one and only Bill Burr. What a standout stand-up comedian. Yeah, so, like legit stand-up comedians. Oh, yeah. Like, respected and established stand-up comedians who are so good at stand-up comedy that they get parts in The Mandalorian, like, those kinds of people, right? Yep. He was the most well-known one there. In fact, he may have been the only one who they auctioned off playing with him, but they didn’t auction off playing with anybody else. So, you were assigned to like a foursome? Yeah, a foursome. That ended up being a twosome and then a threesome, and then the fourth guy didn’t show up ’cause he got COVID. Long story, but it was, what they ended up doing for me, I guess because I was the oddball, the internet guy, is as opposed to putting me with a group of four friends or like, a group of four people from a company, there were the reps for the brands that were doing things. So, like the Liquid Death guy, ’cause Liquid Death was supplying the water for this. Just like they supplied for MythiCon. Big fan. The guy who was supplying the shirts for everybody. And then- So, you were the brand liaison comedian. And then the Porsche guy. There was a hole where if you got a hole in one, you won a Porsche Macan or whatever you- Oh. Is it Mecan or Pecan? Mecahn? That guy, and then there was another guy who got COVID and didn’t show up. So anyway, we did not win. It was fun, yes. But the thing that I was actually kind of nervous about is that they said that there was going to be a joke-telling contest at night, at dinner in front of all these comedians and all the teams. And that the comedian from the team is responsible for coming up with a joke and delivering the joke. Joke-telling contest, even that as a phrase seems, like, antiquated and strange. Well, that’s a big part of this. It was a joke, like a joke-joke-telling contest. Not a routine, not a stand-up routine. Not a story that happened to you. It was like, you tell a joke joke. Like, a joke with a set-up and a punchline. Which interestingly, in that comedy community, you know, especially these guys who are of this age, middle-aged or whatever, you know, stand-up comedy in the ’80s, ’90s, They like a good joke. there was a lot of jokes. There’s kind of a tradition of jokes, and so they kind of respect jokes. Especially, well, and here’s another thing that you would not be surprised to know. I would have dropped out upon finding this out. Comedians, they’ve kind of ignored a lot of things that have changed in society and they still just kind of say whatever the hell they wanna say. Yeah. In one sense I sort of respect that, there’s a place where that’s happening in comedy. That’s not your place. That’s not my style, but I respect it. And so I knew, I was like, because they were like, “Anything goes.” So I was like, these are gonna, it’s gonna be so dirty. People are gonna say inappropriate things, people are gonna say politically incorrect things. None of this is being recorded. But I was like, Supposedly. I have to go, I gotta do something dirty, right? And I was also thinking, I need to do something original, I’m gonna write my joke. I’m not gonna go on Reddit and find a joke. You can’t do that. Even though that’s what a lot of them did. A lot of them were like, “This is my uncle’s favorite joke.” Or, “This is a joke my dad told me multiple times growing up.” That’s different than going on Reddit though. If you’re related to the person who told you the joke. The guy hosting it was Ben Bailey. You may remember him as the guy who hosted Cash Cab. Oh, yeah. For 14 seasons. So, he’s a stand-up, so he’s MCing the thing. Yeah. Kind of a dry wit. Other comedians who I’m competing against. I will say Bill Burr was not feeling great, so he didn’t stay for the joke contest, which took some pressure off. Okay, good. But Randy- Did you meet Bill? I did meet Bill. I met him before we started playing. Told him I was representing YouTube comedy. What was his reaction to that? He was like, “Ah, but Bo Burnham, ah,” Oh, Bo Burnham. “I mean, that dude’s crazy!” Okay, okay. So that made me feel good. He was very nice. And I met him at the same time I met Greg Fitzsimmons, who you would recognize if I showed you a picture of him. You know, this guy, he’s been like, you’ve seen him on The Tonight Show, whatever, and he’s been around forever. So Greg was in it, And then Randy Sklar of Randy and Jason Sklar, Sklar Brothers was in the joke. I went right after Randy as matter of fact. So, I’m gonna deliver my joke for you. Deliver your joke for all of us. I’m gonna get up there and do exactly what I did, right? I grabbed the microphone. Oh, you gonna stand up? No, I’m gonna stay seated because the microphone’s here. And I’m gonna do word for word what I said. Sit-down comedy. And people had done a lot of, like, classic set-up/punchline jokes, just to let you know the world that we’re in. Ben Bailey says, “Rhett McLaughlin, everybody.” Smattering of applause. Smattering of applause. “Disclaimer: I am an internet comedian.” Smattering of laughter. Okay. Which means, I don’t know if they’re laughing or not. A little bit more laughter. “My joke is short. Why did my ex-wife cross the road?” “Why?” “I don’t know, I don’t keep up with that fuckin’ bitch.” Oh, wow, look at you. Using the F-bomb and the B-bomb. That was good. Jenna and Brian laughed at it. So, and I’ll tell ya… I’m just over here shocked, Rhett. I’m gonna, I am not a joke writer, okay? So, you made that up? I made that up. Yeah, but you don’t have an ex-wife. Yeah, yeah. So, you also made up an ex-wife. Yeah, right. Wow. It was a joke. The liberties that you’re taking. And Ben Bailey said, I wouldn’t say it killed, but it did well. It was very respectable, it was like, I would say, I didn’t make it to the top three. Why did my ex-wife cross the road? And then the answer is? Well, first you said “why?” Did you have to lean back from your own mic and say “why?” No, I was imitating the crowd. Or did somebody do that? When you’re telling jokes to a crowd of comedians, They know. they say “why?” Oh, okay. You know, they give you the other thing. And they’re not gonna jump on it and guess the answer like some person at a comedy club. Like, they’re comedians. They’re like, “This guy’s telling a joke.” So it’s a great crowd for that. I don’t know, I don’t keep up with that fucking bitch. Yeah, yeah. “My joke is short”, tell me about that part of it. Like, why did you feel like you needed to say that? Because people had been saying that if they had a short one. People would be like, “This is a long one, settle in.” Some people are like, “This is a short one.” I feel like the… I mean, that may have been a mistake. I feel like if you’re open to constructive feedback. Oh, I am, but I’m not gonna get into joke writing, just so you, don’t worry. You made an excellent choice in having such a staccato joke, but I don’t think you should have said “my joke is short” because that was kind of, the punch of it was just how “bam” and it’s over. Because the shortness of it is part of the surprise. Well, but once you say, “why did so and so cross the road?”, you know it’s a short joke, ’cause that’s a classic structure of a short joke, so. Well, that’s another reason you shouldn’t have said it. That’s a better reason though. I don’t think that I cut the joke off, but it was more that I was just kinda like feeding off of the things that people had been saying. I will say- What would I have done? Well, let me tell you right now. I don’t know what I would’ve done. I was definitely nervous because I was just trying to save face and say something. Well, you self-deprecated. Say something, just do something funny and unexpected. And I would say that- You lowered the bar, you made a joke about it. Yeah, right. Then you said something you shouldn’t have said, then you said a really good joke. Oh, you like it. So I see that in the vein of like- I’m offended. Like, Norm Macdonald. I don’t know how familiar you are with, Norm Macdonald when he was having his show, his internet show, there was this joke portion. And it was, every joke that Norm Macdonald told was always a misdirect, it was like, in that way. So that’s not based on any joke, but it’s based on the structure of a Norm Macdonald joke, which is like, I’m not gonna give you the thing that you thought I was going to give you, I’m gonna give you, it’s a joke about the joke, kinda. How’d you come up with that joke? It was not easy. Because I came up with like four other jokes. You were thinking about a knock-knock joke? Well, no, I was trying to figure out, like, how do you write a joke? Because we don’t write jokes. And so I was like, Yeah. Do I, here’s what I did. I would be like, “Okay, so there was this guy and he was on a deserted island. And the only person that survived was him and another beautiful woman.” And I would just say something like that. Like, that sounds like the beginning of a joke. And I would just see if I could find a way to a punchline. I did that, like, on and off, as I was driving, as I was doing other things over the weekend. Mumbling to yourself. And I never arrived at anything. Ooh God, that would’ve ruined my weekend. But then I was like, “You need to go short. You need to go short.” Yeah. And then I was like- And you need to say it’s short. I was like, what about… Why’d the chicken cross the road? And I said, yeah, what’s a take on that? I was like, “Why did my ex-wife cross the road?” And the first- “Why?” And so I’ll give you, this was my dirty one. And so I was like, “Why did my ex-wife cross the road?” “Why?” “To get to my neighbor’s dick.” So that was the first one, right? Not nearly as good. I was like, that’s not good. That’s not it. And then when I came up- Not even close. Oh yeah, I mean, that’s why I didn’t use it. I’m just saying that as I’m running through- I’m agreeing, I’m not slamming you, I’m agreeing with you. And I don’t know how I came up with it. But I’m not saying that it’s great, I’m just saying that I was relieved when I came up with it because I was like, “This crowd will appreciate that and I’ll at least walk outta here.” Now, if I had known that they were just gonna tell jokes that they knew, I would’ve gotten even a better joke. But I didn’t make it to the final three. Randy did make it to the final three. I’m trying to remember who else did. Fitzsimmons made it. Honestly, I don’t really care at this point. And then an older comedian, but- You didn’t make it, that’s all I care about. The guy who won, ’cause what they did is they did a joke-off and they kept going. Oh. It was an older guy. You weren’t prepared for that. Oh, no, no. So if you would’ve moved on, it was a new joke. You didn’t tell the same joke, ’cause that doesn’t really work. Yeah, yeah, my next joke was one that a friend, Daniel Strange had told me. Okay. Which was not, I mean, he was just like, “What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?” Oh, this is an accent joke. Ten-ish. Which is cute, cute dad joke. There were people doing that kind of joke, that people, I guess people who are clean. I mean, I kind of think you could’ve said, “I don’t care, I don’t keep up with that fucking bitch.” Would’ve worked again. That’s what you would’ve done. That’s what I would’ve done if I had made it. And then if you would’ve kept making it, same punchline every time. I could have been your joke caddie. I think you can do it once, I don’t think you can do it a third time. That would’ve been funny, dude. Ten-ish. They were so dirty. They were shockingly dirty. Oh no. You know, I’m not gonna repeat it. But there was no doubt in my mind when a couple of ’em were delivered, that was like, “I’m not, I’m not.” And I was like, “Be in the middle of the pack.” You know what I’m saying? Yeah. “Don’t get to the finals because then, you’ll really expose yourself.” And that ain’t funny. Right. So that’s my, you know, it was a growth experiment. Growth experience, is that what I’m looking for? How did you golf? You know, okay. Moments of brilliance, moments of embarrassment. Oh, give me a break. Typical game of golf. We did not win. See, my MO is both at the same time. That’s not how I operate. I know. I have true moments of brilliance. Oh, gosh, shut up. Where you’re just like, “Oh my gosh, that guy.” Shut up. I have true moments of brilliance. “That guy, was he a college golfer?” I’m saying, on the golf course. Check out Stevie and Neagheen’s podcast, Best Friends Back, Alright! I want you to do it. It’s never too late to check out a new podcast where people are connecting, where friendships are happening right before your ears. Don’t do it, if you don’t wanna do it for me, do it for yourself. Best Friends Back, Alright! wherever you get your podcasts. I think you should do all things in entertainment, anything that we’re doing at Mythical, you should make a decision to watch it for yourself. Don’t do it for us. We’re making this stuff for you. I went to watch, you know, I went to the premiere of Slumberland. You’ll see this on Netflix, it’s a movie with Jason Momoa. But the star of the movie is Marlow Barkley. And we, me, Christy, and Lando, went to the premiere, we went to that entertainment event for her and her family because we are very close friends. You know, Lando and Marlow grew up together. I think Marlow’s still 12. I think her and Lando are about the same age. She’s not 13 yet. Marlow is the freakin’ star of this movie. Oh yeah. And Jason Momoa is like her supporting character, basically. So I went to that for her. But I was absolutely relieved to find out that I stayed for me, you know? You go to things to support your friends and when it’s a work of art, like a movie, it’s like, “Oh crap, what am I gonna, what am I gonna say afterward if it sucks?” It was so good. So I know it’s not my rec this week, but you just made me think of it. It paid off to do entertainment Double rec. for somebody else. Check out Slumberland. If you have kids in that age range, they will love it. It feels like the type of story that you think should have been done before, but it at the same time, it’s like a, I don’t think it has. And it’s like, it deals with dreams and it’s wholly original, very- It’s like that Fred Savage movie. Very fun. Also a tearjerker. Where he goes underneath his house or something? And I was so proud of Marlow. She is so good in it. You remember, we- Check out Slumberland. We wanted her to be, when she was just getting started with her acting, we wanted her to be the little girl in the episode of Buddy System where the little girl comes to That’s right. the door selling candy. And then it goes into this, like, old frontier story. There was a conflict of her. That’s right. She was committed to something else or whatever, so we couldn’t do it. We could have derailed her whole acting career if she had done that Buddy System thing. Yeah, that’s true. She probably made the right choice. Let’s get into these voicemails. I mean, it’s about time to settle some disputes. I’m just gonna start right here at the top. Hey, Rhett and Link. I’m feuding with my mom because she has eaten half of my freezer. All 20 breakfast sandwiches I just bought from Costco. Don’t know what to do. Please help. Oh dang, I’m sorry. I feel like I need more details. Like, was this in one sitting? I know, that’s a lot of breakfast sandwiches. Was this over the course of 72 hours? If she was that hungry, let her have it. Because if you’ve got a 20-sandwich package from Costco, I would think that most people are anticipating that lasting at least a month. You know, unless you’re, I mean, even if you’re the kind of person who’s eating it every single morning, you’re making it 20 days. That’s three weeks, yeah. We have breakfast sandwiches in our freezer. I do not eat them because I don’t think they can actually be good for you. And I eat a smoothie every morning. Who eats the breakfast sandwiches? My kids eat ’em. Christy doesn’t eat ’em either. So we haven’t experienced this issue. You mean like a Jimmy Dean? Yeah. Yeah, that’s what Shepherd’s into. I have a reputation of being one to just unapologetically take people’s stuff after taking Tim’s salsa from the fridge for that GMM episode. Yeah, that wasn’t a good look for me. And every time I see Tim now I still feel bad about it, but it sounds like her mom is unapologetic or unconversant about it, because she’s thinking she’s the one that needs to do something about it. I think, isn’t it as simple as a question? “Mom, do you know that these,” “Mom, what do you,” I don’t know, I’m trying to think of like a nonaccusatory question. “You like those breakfast sandwiches I bought for myself, don’t you, Mom?” “What do you think of those?” “In my mind, those are my breakfast sandwiches, Mom.” Well, I don’t- “Whose are they in your mind?” I don’t think that that’s necessarily, I don’t think that she is saying that her mom can’t eat any of her breakfast sandwiches. She’s saying that her mom ate all of her breakfast sandwiches. Yeah. I don’t know if she was on vacation. I don’t know if her mom had a breakfast party. I don’t know the context, but I’m assuming- Mom should be replacing these breakfast sandwiches. that she just ate way too many in too short of a period of a time. And she obviously had bought them not primarily, or not exclusively, but primarily for herself, right? I mean, I’m assuming that there’s some sort of shared budget. You’re sharing a house, you know, it’s not like, this isn’t necessarily a roommate situation where there’s separate bank accounts. This is my stuff, I have my name on it, I budgeted for this. Mom does have some sort of a trump card to play here, I believe, probably, from a budget perspective. She could be cashing in on a parent tax. If I knew that, if I knew that earlier in life, she wasn’t the kind of mom who would reach over and eat some of her kids’ food in the way that I have done throughout my life, then maybe she’s just making up for it all in like a week. One crazy binge. Like I said, I’m not one to talk here, but at my house, Lando will Post-it Note stuff in the fridge. And I know Tim did that with the salsa. It was extenuating circumstances. Do I need to apologize again, Tim? I’m sorry. Well hold on, but do you do this to Lando, do you eat Lando’s? Mm… no. Well give me an example of something that Lando would Post-it Note. Some special mochis in the freezer. Some special chocolate milks in the fridge. Leftovers. That’s where I get him. Because he’ll label the leftover, but I know he’s not gonna go back and eat it. And so I feel like I’m doing a service to just glean the fridge from stuff that is gonna be thrown away if it’s not eaten today. Well at least you can get him to label it, like, I can’t get my kids, my kids won’t eat leftovers, man. I eat every, I eat all the leftovers. Like that’s the first place I go at night is what’s left over. Oh really? Yeah, it just feels… I think that she should, I think you gotta try labeling. That’s my, that’s my thing, just start there. Yes, it’s a little passive aggressive. Rebuy the sandwiches yourself. Then you’re in a position of power, and you label it. Or have a conversation with your mom if you’re still on speaking terms. Yeah, I think this is just a, there’s a easy solve here, which is a conversation and saying, “Hey, if you really like these breakfast sandwiches, which apparently you do and I do as well, maybe we get the 40-pack next time.” Right. You know? There’s a compromise on the horizon. Yeah. Hi, Rhett and Link. My name is Robert, I’m calling from BC in Canada. My wife and I have a constant argument about what is “ground” and what is “floor”. I like to call the outside where anything is paved or has cement on it, anything like that, the ground, or the floor, she says that it’s still the ground. My argument is that it is called the floor because anything that is not dirt can’t be considered the ground because it is made by people. So I think it’s called the floor, she thinks it’s called the ground because it’s outside. So that’s our argument that we constantly have. And it has created some really funny moments in our marriage, and I’d like you guys to settle it for us. All right. Have a good day, bye. He said he’d like for us to settle it for him. It seems pretty simple. Robert, you’re wrong. The floor is inside, the ground is outside. It’s not about being manmade or not unless it’s something that’s like… oh, shoot. I have an exception. Am I wrong? I have an exception that I think. Now I’m thinking there’s exceptions to that, but I think that’s the starting point. I also think that Robert is somewhat wrong. Maybe you’re right in some instances. But it’s not, the distinction is not inside and outside. If it’s inside it is floor. And if it’s dirt outside, it is ground. Like, those extremes. Nope, and you are not letting me get my thought out. That’s what I think. And then somewhere in the middle we can hash it out. How do you disagree with that? It has nothing to do with being inside and outside, it has to do with whether or not there is a canopy or a roof. That’s why we call it the forest floor. We don’t call it the forest ground, and that is because there is a canopy of trees and like, “on the forest floor.” But you don’t say on the floor of the meadow or the floor of the valley because that’s open. So it has to do not with being outside, but with being open. So a patio does not have a floor unless it is a screened-in porch. Now we’re in a situation where you can say “that’s the floor of the porch.” It’s all about whether or not there is something over the top of you, and it doesn’t have to be human-made. It’s just, is there a clear shot to the sky, and if so, whatever is underneath you is not floor but ground. Well, that’s nice Rhett. That is a nice analysis. But, patio is neither floor nor ground, it is patio. I agree with that. So if there’s no canopy over your patio and it’s still like a cement, just like a cement slab, you can’t call it ground because it’s… Now I’m about to agree with him, because it’s manmade. But you can’t call it floor because to your point, there’s no canopy. But if you were on a patio that was covered. A floor has to have a canopy. I agree with that. Yeah. But a forest floor is also ground. There’s common ground with the forest in that it is both. And a patio is neither, because it’s just a patio. It’s a patio, like you look down, it’s like, what is that? Is that the patio floor? Is that the patio ground? Is it the patio floor? Well, but by nature. I’m all over the place. By nature, a patio does not have a canopy. Oh. Oh, yeah, you’re right. A porch. The difference between a porch and a patio Is the canopy. is the canopy. Oh, yeah, you’re right. And if you’re talking about the retractable canopy, I have one of those. that doesn’t count, that doesn’t make it a floor, it’s not like, oh, it’s a floor when it’s out and it’s not. No, no, no. I’m talking about, there’s gotta be some supports. This thing’s gotta be able to stand up in the wind because you need to be able to call it a ceiling. So if I’m on a porch somewhere and I look up, like I was talking to your dad at MythiCon about the ceilings of porches Yeah. that are painted blue. And my understanding based on all these conversations that I had with people in the south, was that they’re painted blue because of bugs, which I never believed, but that was what people told me, like, “flies don’t like the light blue.” And your dad was like, “it’s like the sky.” Yeah. It’s like looking like the sky. And he says they also do mint green, like mint green or baby blue, those are the two colors. But that’s the ceiling of the porch, is what you would call that. If I was talking to a painter, he would say, “What color do you want me to paint the ceiling of the porch?” Wouldn’t he? Or would he say, “Do you want me to paint the underside of the awning?” Eh, I think he would say ceiling. The porch ceiling. And then what color do you want me to paint the floor of the porch? What color do you want me to stain the patio floor, the porch floor? Patio is different. I’m just trying it out. Patio, I think of as like just a square either concrete or wood or brick or something that you might have an umbrella on. Now, my backyard is pavers. Like, individual stones It’s a pool deck. that are laid. You could call it a deck because there is a pool there, but there’s parts of it, even the part with the retractable awning. Not a floor. I’m trying to think of what I’ve called that. Like, “I need to blow off the back.” That’s what I just say, I call it the back. The back. I don’t call it, it’s not ground and it’s not floor. It’s pavers. Yeah, but what do you call that area? The back. You might call that a patio. I’m glad we could settle this. So I think that we found a third alternative here. I don’t know if it was illuminating at all, but I, I think that Robert’s distinction is wrong. If there’s a permanent canopy, then underneath it is a floor. And if it’s naturally occurring un-canopied surface outdoors, that’s ground. So at least take those things off the table. And if you’ve got an old-school house, there’s plenty of houses that have dirt floors, and that is also the ground. But it also happens to be the floor of the home. But it’s a dirt floor. Yep. So floor and ground can be the same thing if your floor is ground. There you go. Please explain to my husband that watching your own kid is not babysitting. Thank you. Ouch. Oh, this is heated. I love the fact that you could hear children just making a racket in the background of the voicemail. Yeah, yeah. Like, this is the world from which this lovely woman is exasperatedly leaving us a voicemail. Yeah. You ever been guilty of this? I’m sure. I mean, I’m sure. Using the term “babysit” to take care of your own kids? I don’t know if I’ve ever done that. Well, even if you don’t use the term, there’s definitely playing this card of like, “Well, I watched them.” I don’t go so far as to say “I’m babysitting the kids” like it’s a paid occupation. But if you watched them, you’re implying there’s other times you didn’t watch them. “I’m gonna watch the kids so you can do something.” As opposed to the other times when you don’t watch them. Which is usually. And our kids are of an age that, you know, they don’t need to be watched anymore. But like, when our kids were watching age, I would always use it as, like, some sort of a merit badge that never worked. And and I agree, it wasn’t valid, you know, because, I mean, Christy and Jessie, they were homeschool teachers as well as moms. Like, so much of their time was tending to these children. Good gosh. By their own choice. Yeah, yeah, it wasn’t- Just to be clear. I kept telling Jessie year after year, “You wanna stop doing that?” Stop watching these kids. You need to stop being the babysitter. But yeah, it’s like when you step in, it would be, like, something exceptional. Yeah, that’s a card you can’t play, my man. Yeah, your wife’s right. Just stop using that term when you watch the kids. You cannot do that. We have a serious category. You want to get into like a serious one? And then come back to a less serious one? Yeah, ’cause we might need a little relief, you know? Okay. Let’s start here. Hey, Rhett and Link. Me and my girlfriend recently have been butting heads a little bit. She’s been working a lot, and I’m very proud of all the work that she’s been doing and all the money she’s been saving. She’s trying to move out right now. So I understand why she’s been in her grindset, in her, you know, girlboss money moves era, but sometimes I just want her to acknowledge the fact that I am also still here and that I am, you know, a part of her life and someone that would like to spend time with her. I have a difficult dilemma on my hands though, because it’s an interesting dichotomy, this feeling of being so proud of her for working so hard, but at the same time wishing that she would at least admit a little bit that there is a strain on our relationship because of how much she works. I’m not exactly sure what to do and I would love your guys’ feedback. Help me out, help out this struggling Mythical Beast. Anyway, appreciate you guys. I love all you do, keep on keepin’ on. I really do appreciate all your content and all your happiness that you give to the world. Have a good one. Okay. Well, as that question was being asked, Jenna. Couldn’t stay in her seat. I mean, she was, you know, so I kind of feel like we should let the woman in the room. Jenna, we’d love for you to kick this one off. To give us an initial reaction to this question. It sounds like he has not had this conversation with his partner. Yeah. And that is a conversation that he needs to have with her, and his tone was a little… I don’t think he meant anything by it. I think his tone came across a little iffy, but it’s clear, it’s a hard thing to do because, what do you say when in that situation? I don’t know, it’s just one of those where it’s like, if the roles were reversed, it would be a conversation you wanna have with your partner. Like, if the man was working too much and the woman or whichever, however, the partnership is. Either way, he’s feeling, he sounds real sad, and I think, he just gotta have, set, plan a date night. Just the two of them, get out of their normal stuff, and have a conversation. And another thing I think that you all can advise on, is one thing about your relationships I think is really cool that you do is you have a set day where you spend time with your wives. Like, you have planned time with them. That is part of your schedule. And it seems like with his girlfriend’s new schedule getting so crazy and how amazing that is for her that maybe they need to discuss scheduled quality time. Well, Yeah. it’s interesting, because I feel like in some senses, there’s, I can relate to this right now, right? You know, over the past couple years Jessie has really started doing, she really kind of started leaning into her interior design stuff. And then, really in the past, like, two years especially, and then this year, you know, she’s taken on a number of clients, she just got through a really big project. And the way that her time was structured, which was very unusual for me, was getting home and she’s working. She’s working when I get home. And she’s working, like, at least when it got to crunch time, we’re not watching TV together. Now, when you’ve been married to somebody for 21 years, in one sense it’s like, oh, well Jessie’s busy right now. I’m gonna go watch something that she would never watch with me. You know what I’m saying? It’s an opportunity? Yeah, it’s like, because I am, we’ve, I’ve spent a lot of time with her and I’m gonna continue to spend a lot of time with her and this is sort of extenuating circumstances. Yeah, that is a good corollary point, that the cumulative time that you spend. But I don’t think that is applicable to this particular situation. I’m just assuming because it sounds like, you know, kind of still building the relationship in a lot of ways. Not that I’m not building the relationship anymore, but you know what I mean. But there’s also this thing where it’s like, in the context of my relationship with Jessie is that so much of what her life has been about and what her activities have revolved around and where she lives, revolves around is me and my work, right? Yeah. Which tends to be a more traditional, you know, given the history of the world and the patriarchy, like, that tends to be the situation. It’s like, well the man’s gonna do this and I’ve gotta support him in doing this. And that was our story for, you know, a really long time. Now, as the kids have gotten older and Jessie has a lot of aspirations and dreams and things that she wants to do, quote unquote her, I don’t know, I’m gonna choose to say that he was doing this in a loving way. Her “girlboss money making moves”. Right. I will say… those terms are kind of not- That seemed like it could be, yeah, right. used anymore by women. Yeah, right. So, there’s other things. But it’s been an interesting thing for me to be someone who, I feel like I’ve gotten… She’s done so much for me, she’s done so much for me, which I don’t know the history of their relationship, but for me there’s this like, oh, I can go and be a part of this thing that’s all about Jessie, and I kinda fade into the background and kinda can support her. But as it relates to our time together, even our date night has gotten canceled for the past six weeks because she’s been so busy. But that project is over, we’ll do the date night this week. We’re kind of getting back, as long as we kinda return to the normal of actually spending quality time with each other. And I think that what Jenna was saying at the beginning about, you know, these are the bread and butter conversations of a relationship. It’s like, when it comes to stuff like this, this is where the magic happens, honestly. If you can really connect about not being able to connect. I think there’s a way in, is not, it’s not corrective, like, don’t take a corrective approach. Maybe think about having more of a still supportive and celebratory, and it’s like, I’m celebrating what you’re doing, I’m supporting what you’re doing, but it’s creating a challenge that kind of frames it. But then your motive, where you’re coming from, is love and wanting to connect and missing a level of intimacy. And I think that, you know, if you approach it from that angle, as long as that’s truthful, that’s gonna go a long way, right? You know? Yeah. To say, “Hey, let’s put, can we put something on the calendar? Can we put a plan in place where I don’t feel threatened by what you’re going after, but I can be your biggest fan and champion, but still have my needs met by you in our relationship?” ‘Cause it is a reality that if the time that you would otherwise spend together is spent apart because of work, you have to manage that reality in your relationship. Some people, two busy professionals who work late and are like, “We see each other on the weekends.” And that’s An agreement. We’ve agreed to that, we’ve communicated that, we have, our expectations are in line. Yeah. It’s all about, obviously the expectations are not aligned right now. And you have to figure out, can they be aligned? And if they can’t, then that’s a different conversation, you know? Yeah, leave us another voicemail if that doesn’t work. We’ll put Jenna back on it, yes! Here’s another one. Let’s stay serious. Hey guys, this is Mike from Michigan. So I’ve been in a beef with my sister for, oh, 14 years now. And well, let’s just say she’s not exactly all the way there in the head. And she got in a fist fight with my dad of all people who was extremely old at the time and I was never able to forgive her for it, and I don’t know how to forgive her for it. And now my niece and nephew want to get involved with me, her kids, and my niece is my goddaughter, and I don’t know how to bring them back into my life without bringing her into my life. I know it’s horrible to take your sister out of your life and your way, but it’s just kind of something I don’t want to be involved in my life anymore, but I really want my niece and nephew involved in my life, if that makes any sense. Sorry, a little nervous. But if you guys can maybe approach this in a way for me where I can get them back into my life and somehow make it work with my sister too. I don’t know if that’s possible, but thanks, guys. Wow. Mike, thanks for sharing your story. Our hearts go out to you. I know when you said 14 years, our hearts just kind of dropped, you know? That’s sad. It seems like it’s sad for everybody involved, and it’s kind of intimidating to speak into your situation knowing only what you just shared in the voicemail. Again, I thank you for sharing it, but I just wanna acknowledge that, like, we’re definitely out of our depth here. So I think the first thing I wanna do is just say, you know, from a heart level, just that like, we feel for you and, you know, I’ve had estranged long-term relationships and it doesn’t feel good because it’s not, you know, it’s not the natural order of things. You see so many, you know, you imagine those relationships where everything’s working out and you see people having relationships with, in this case, their siblings and it’s what you don’t have. And I just know how difficult that could be. I also know that there’s situations, and again, we don’t know enough about your situation to be prescriptive, but in general there’s, there is a reality where it’s the right decision, it’s the best decision to put boundaries in place and sometimes, and that’s along a whole spectrum. Sometimes that means that there isn’t any contact and that may be, that’s the best choice for some people in some situations, you know? And there’s this whole range and when you’ve got nieces and nephews involved, that, a lot of times, I have to think makes it hurt that much more. Yeah, I think, I mean, I completely agree that we’re not, you know, we can’t give you specific advice. But there are principles that are true that are true in your situation as well. Like Link said to me, I think, it’s almost overused at this point, the term “boundaries”. It’s used as much as people labeling other people “narcissists”, it’s like, it’s the thing that we all do on social media, but there’s a lot of truth in it. And I think that… it’s okay to set a boundary that is painful to implement because sometimes the pain that you and someone else would experience if that boundary did not exist is even greater. But both are painful. Like, the boundary being in place and the boundary not being in place are both painful experiences. So sometimes there’s not a great solution, and I don’t know, I mean I think that conceivably, depending on your circumstances and what the proximity is, are you in the same town? How old are the niece and nephew? Is this the kind of thing that if there was any kind of contact it would lead to… Like what would the problems, what would the nature of the problems, you kinda have to think about it like that, think, “What are the boundaries that I could set?” I don’t know, maybe there is a boundary that you can set where it’s like, my contact with my sister is gonna be in relation to logistical things regarding my time with her kids. I’m not saying that’s what you should do, but I’m- Right, but there may be a creative solution somewhere in the middle, and when- It’s like gerrymandering a new district, you have to navigate your specific situation but draw the boundary and communicate the boundary. So it’s like, when I don’t talk to you about this, it’s because I’m setting this boundary. If you’re not okay with that, then I’m not gonna have the boundary here at all, or the boundary’s gonna be extended and I’m gonna have to push everybody out. And sometimes they can move, so it’s not like you’re making one decision and then that’s it. So I guess the first thing we’re saying is, you don’t have to make an all or nothing decision. There’s like this whole spectrum along the way that you could make these, even if it’s a convoluted type of gerrymandered boundary. But then, you know, two days later or two months later, you might discover that that needs to move. It needs to tighten up, or it could loosen up. You know, there’s… If forgiveness is at play, that, you know, it’s always something worth considering. But it’s, you know. I think we just have to leave it at that. ‘Cause it also depends on your personal tolerance, right? Right. There are some people who might be in a situation where any contact with a person would be too triggering for them where they just can’t do it. And there might be situations where it’s like, this person is difficult, annoying, whatever, an inconvenience, but I’m not unsafe and I’m not gonna be, you know, my mental health won’t be compromised. Only you know that in a given situation. What your personal level of tolerance is. There are people that you can choose to have in your life so long as you know the reality of what it means. Right. And you admit that reality to yourself. Like finding a trusted resource, which could be a therapist, I think is a great avenue to pursue for something like this. A sounding board that you may have to pay for, you know? If you don’t have someone in your life. Jenna? Yeah, I will say I do have something comparable to that in my history with certain family. My speaking to, especially, that you mentioned, “she’s not right in the head”, so perhaps there’s some mental health issues going on. My father, the last five, seven years of his life dipped heavily into alcoholism and it ultimately caused him to die from chronic alcoholism. And it was one of those situations where similar to mental health issues, it’s a hard place to be in because you know that person isn’t their mental health issue. Like, that isn’t who they are in their entirety. You see glimmers of who they could be and who they were before, who they are when they’re on the right medication, when they’re not, you know, drinking, kind of scenarios. And there were boundaries that we had to set up and some of my family members had much stronger boundaries than I necessarily did. But I also had a couple boundaries as well. And it was, I mean, it’s gut-wrenching when those boundaries are broken, but they’re the boundaries that you have to set to protect everyone else. And some things that we would do was, Dad could come to public events and support us, but he couldn’t be drinking, and if he had been drinking we would steal his car keys, like a whole scenario. So like, if you wanna test the waters of being able to see your nieces and nephews, ’cause that’s must be devastating that you’re not able to be a part of their lives and a positive role model to them as well, I would suggest something a bit more public, like if they have, you know, if they have extracurriculars. That way you don’t have to sit next to your sister, but you could still be there supporting your niece and nephew, just like really low touch things, and forgiveness changes. 14 years is a very long time to carry that. And I feel for that, and I have known people who have been in really awful abusive situations with parents or with other siblings that as they have all aged, the boundaries have opened up again. The lines of communication have opened up again very slowly. But I highly recommend, yeah, certainly speaking to a healthcare professional, like a therapist on the best path forward. But yeah, I 100% feel this situation and there’s no easy way to do it. Yeah, exactly. Every path forward is difficult. Thanks Jenna, for sharing that. Yeah. Well, we went serious. All right, so we talked about going back. Let’s mix it up a little bit. All right, so now we’re gonna take a hard left turn. Hi Rhett and Link, longtime fan of Ear Biscuits and Good Mythical Morning. So I have a dispute that my partner and I have had. When you are sitting down on the commode and you go to clean up the area, do you do it from the front or back? Let me know. Love you guys. Well this is, this is easy. You’re supposed to go front to back. Well that’s not, that wasn’t what was asked. It was, do you go down Oh. from the front or do you go around the from the back? Oh. Wipe direction is, obviously that’s front to back. Everybody knows that, especially if you have a vagina, you don’t wanna be wiping the fecal matter towards it. Come on now. Just to be very specific. You can get, you know, if you got a ballsack, you can get some shit on your ballsack, it’s not the end of the world, but I don’t recommend it. This is so great. But, and again, I do think that whether or not you- Just don’t leave it there for 14 years. To tie it into the last. I think whether or not you have a penis is somewhat, you know, relevant. Irrelevant. Irrelevant. Well no, I’m saying that like, It’s too far. It’s too far from the action. I mean for me, to try to go through the space that is being currently filled with manhood. I didn’t even hear the question that way. I couldn’t even hear the question. Did you hear the question that way? That it was like, you go in from the front of your… no. It’s just, don’t do that. Yeah, but some people might think, apparently, someone in this situation, we don’t know if it’s the caller or the partner. Because you have to go back to front when wiping, if you’re reaching through the front. You’re pushing. you’re bulldozing. You’re pushing. You’re bulldozing. Which is very difficult to do. That’s not gonna work. Yeah, yeah, that’s not really a wipe, that’s a push. You don’t wanna do that. Yeah, so I think you go around the back. Now, the real question is, do you stand up or not? Uh… no? If you stand up, the cheeks come together. What are you talking about? Oh, not if you stand up and bend over. Well then, yeah, but if you stand up and then bend over, the cheeks come together. The bidet changes everything. Just get a freakin’ bidet, y’all. Bidet changes everything. Oh my gosh. It’s bi-day and night, the difference. But if I do not have access to a bidet, my final wipe is a standing wipe. So you can exit that much quicker? I just feel like, I’m like, one more time just to make absolute sure. Why would you stand up for the last wipe? I don’t know, it feels like it’s ceremonial. And you’re bent over? Ritualistic. You’re like hinging? Well yeah, you got, yeah. Yeah, I mean, no one’s watching. You know, I’m not, it’s not a show for anybody. I’ll take some video if you want. Nope, I don’t want, thanks for asking. But, okay. Hey Rhett and Link, it’s Kaylin from New Jersey. I’m beefin’ with my mom because she thinks I’m a monster for not having the toothpaste perfectly squeezed down to the bottom every time. I kinda think you don’t need to do that until you’re at the very end trying to get every little bit of it out. But I don’t know, am I a monster? You know, I appreciate the question, and the love, Kaylin. You are not a monster. And I think this represents an area of growth for me. And I would like to pat myself on the back, you know? I used to think you had to squeeze from the bottom. I was in the mom’s camp, but then I realized, you know what, who gives a crap? I mean, just squeeze it from wherever you want. But do you have to deal? ‘Cause I would’ve thought that Christy did it the quote unquote “correct” way as well? Well, Christy and I do not share toothpaste. Do you use a different brand? Yes. Okay, is that why? But even if we didn’t, we each have our own drawer with all of our stuff in it and nothing’s shared. So that’s a key here, is like, have your own toothpaste and do whatever you want with it. Yeah, I have my own as well. I used to think that the right way to do it is to squeeze from the bottom because at some point that is the right way. But I agree with you, Kaylin. You can wait to the last, ’til you need to do it and then you just take it and you grab the end of it and you put it on the edge of the counter and you 90 degree that thing over the counter and use it to get all of the toothpaste to the end and get the last little bits out. But you don’t have to do it every time. The reason why it’s a personal growth from me is because I can look at that quote unquote “imperfect” tube of toothpaste that’s just been, like, squeezed like a monster in the middle and say, you know what? I can live with this unsettling reality. It’s totally fine, it’s totally fine. It’s exposure therapy. Then later, I’ll squeeze it all down there. I’ll make sure it’s all out. So Kaylin, your mom is the monster and I used to be that monster. Well, Get your own toothpaste. have you noticed that toothpaste tube technology has largely, for many brands, made this argument irrelevant? Have you noticed this trend? That they… what? Every single toothpaste that I’ve bought in the past five years, at least the brands that I frequent. You know, I’m not talking, it’s not 1985 toothpaste where it’s just like- It’s not like a foil container? It’s a toothpaste tube that every time you squeeze it, it returns to its original shape. Every single time. Like, the Quip toothpaste tube is like that. Yeah, and then I have this, I started using the, after they told me something about my enamel, I started using the Pronamel, like, enamel one, it does the same thing, and then I just got one, ’cause the last time I went to the toothpaste, to the toothpaste person, to the dentist, they were like, you know, “We’re gonna have to do a cleaning every four months because you get buildup so fast.” And so now I switched to one that attacks buildup. And it’s the same thing. And it’s just like, you just take it, grasp it, squeeze it, and it takes care of itself. I think the toothpaste people are trying to make this dispute irrelevant. They’re trying to take this out of the conversation. But it necessitates doing what I say which is, at a certain point you can’t tell how empty it is. But you gotta do that. You gotta do the pumps technique, the fold and squeeze. That’s not, well, no, I don’t do the fold and squeeze. I don’t do the roll-up. I do the hang it over the edge of the counter. It’s actually a fun little thing to do. I’ll send you a video if you want. Okay. I’ll be naked. I think the fold and squeeze I’ll also be wiping. accomplishes the same thing, at least in the tubes that I’ve currently got. It does, it does. So I think that the world is becoming a better place through technology. It’s a lot more time. It’s a lot more time to do the fold and squeeze and it’s not worth it. You’re taking it out and putting in on the counter? That seems like a, I’m literally- No, it’s an easy motion. Whoosh, squeeze. I’m pickin’ up, foldin’ it and squeezin’ it. Boom, it’s done. And then when it gets down to like the last ounce, if I can get two more brushes outta this. When you fold it and squeeze though, some of it is being sent the wrong direction. Those last two brushes, I’m not even interested in that toothpaste. Call me wasteful all you want to. I’m not working hard for brushing my teeth. I’m not working that hard for the last two days. I do, it’s a personal victory. If you need a personal victory in your life, get the last of the toothpaste out. Why don’t you get some scissors and cut it open? You ever thought of that? I’ve done that. Really? Yeah, yeah. It’s a personal victory. If the scissors are already there. Like, I’m not gonna go find scissors. You’ve cut into a toothpaste tube? Yeah. Now that’s a different type of person right there. I mean, different from me. Personal victories. Personal victories. Okay. I feel like the personal victory for us today is that we covered a lot of ground, we covered a lot of emotions, and now we just need another recommendation to go with my Slumberland. I’m going to recommend a creator, a content creator, whose TikTok and YouTube channel I quite enjoy. Okay. His name is Forrest Valkai, I think I’m saying the last name. Forrest with two Rs. You are saying the name, but are you saying it correctly? I think I’m saying it correctly. Spell it all. Forrest with two Rs and then V-A-L-K-A-I, Valkai. And he talks on YouTube and TikTok. On TikTok he is @renegadescienceteacher. But he talks a lot about things that I’m interested in, about, you know, fossils and evolution. He just started a new series where he’s going into real depth about evolution. You know, he’s a good guy, he’s a nice guy. He’s not He’s a good boy. trying to make fun of people or say that people are dumb or whatever, that’s not his point, his point is just like, “This is what we know about this stuff, and it’s pretty awesome.” Forrest Valkai. All right, we’ll speak at you next week. As always, use #EarBiscuits to continue the conversation in written form. And if you wanna respond to anything we said today or in any episode or to any of the prompts that we put out on Twitter, you can call us at 1-888-EARPOD1. 1! Did I lose you? Yeah, you did. I’m back though. Bye. Hi, I’m currently beefing with my best friend. I don’t know if we’re technically ex-best friends right now, but she accepted a job offer that was sent out to me. We were both offered the job and we talked about it. She said she did not want the job, that it was not her career field, it’s not what she wanted to do in the future. And I really, really wanted the job. And then they extended the offer to both of us and she took it. And when she took it, they decided to no longer give it to me and needless to say, I didn’t take it well. I think I overreacted a little bit, but yeah, I think I’m past it now, I have a new job and everything’s fine, but I still have a little bit of resentment with it. Thank you guys, love you. [Theresa Ann] Hey, Rhett and Link, Theresa Ann here. I’m calling in reference to the fact that I am beefin’ with my sister once again. Just because she has a child, does she get the right to be the sole host of every holiday? Thanks, love you guys. Keep up the great work. Hey, Rhett and Link. This is Lydie from Houston, Texas. Just wanted to call in and try to get some advice for a beef I currently have with my husband. I am wanting to put our Christmas tree up already. I’m very excited about the holiday season. I love how the Christmas tree just lights up the room and all the cheer and joy it brings to the house. But of course, he does not want me to put it up until after Thanksgiving. But man, I really wanna put that Christmas tree up. Thank you so much, love y’all. Bye. To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left. And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical best.