Welcome to “Ear Biscuits,” the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Link. And I’m Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are catching up about our little Thanksgiving times, which ended up being unexpected. Catastrophic. In many different ways. For my body. But let’s start with the elephant in the room, which is your sling. You talking about Ned from Try Guys? Oh. Well, I know what you’re doing. You’re saying the Try Guys made a video where they literally had an elephant in the room to address the Ned situation, which was- To literally cover him up. Which was clever. No. Link has a sling on for those of you listening. A Link sling. His arm is in a sling. It’s my right arm. Oh me. So, this was two days ago. You know, this is a Tuesday. Fresh, fresh. That was a Sunday morning. And man, it had been a while since I’ve been on my mountain bike, dude. I mean, like before Thanksgiving, I just hadn’t been out there. I hadn’t been hitting the pedals, you know, as they say. Hitting the slopes of the… That’s not the right sport. Anyway- You were doing an awesome trick. Big jump. No. I- Were you by yourself? I was by myself. I was doing my big run that I like to do. It’s like a two hour run, and I was like, “It’s been a while. “I don’t know if I can do this.” And then, but I was like, you know, you can turn around at any point ’cause it’s an up and back. Right. And I’m going up, I get to the first saddle, I’m feeling good. So, I’m like, I’m starting to feel myself. And so, I’m going up to the next saddle, which is, you know, the main turnaround point that then you have this long ride all the way down, which is super nice. And, you know, I’m listening to my music. And I’m, I get to this one point- Is that advised? Yeah. I mean, I usually listen to a podcast going up ’cause it’s so slow going up. And then I listen to music going down. AirPod Pros? Yeah, why? Well, so you do the thing where you can hear the environment as well? You don’t put on noise canceling when you ride? I do, yeah. You put on noise canceling? Yeah. Just so, I mean, if something, if something pops out that’s not like a consistent tone, you’ll still hear it. That’s how noise canceling works. Okay. For the most part. That’s why you can, well, that didn’t have a factor here if you’re trying to like get ahead of me. But I’m going uphill. I mean, like, the dangerous part is coming downhill. And, you know, the irony of this is kind of crazy. Like, right before Thanksgiving break, we recorded a “Car Biscuit.” If you don’t know, that’s when we basically do a version of “Ear Biscuits” from- A car. Either my car or Rhett’s car. Exclusive to the Mythical Society. Yeah, so every month? Every month we do one of those. We do. And I always have fun doing those. We never know what we’re gonna talk about. It’s like “Ear Biscuits” but even less curated. So, you might be into that. Right. The last, the one that’s like… It’s either about to come out or it just came out. We recorded right before Thanksgiving, and we ended up talking about like, what are the things that we do that are most likely to injure us. And I was like, it has to be mountain biking for me. Yeah, that’s what started it. What’s most likely to kill you or what’s most dangerous. But yeah, we concluded that between the two of us, you were more regularly doing the more dangerous thing, which was mountain biking, the most dangerous thing. And I, so, I mean, is that like manifesting it? I don’t, I think I believe in manifestation. Okay, well, did you… Did it, okay. Did it cross your mind at any point before the injury that we had had that conversation? No, and I think that’s the problem. I don’t think it had any impact then. Coming down the hill is the part where it’s like you gotta be on your toes. You gotta be, you gotta really be on guard. But going up, it’s like, you can kind of zone out. You can kind of, you know, listen to a podcast. You’re just cranking away, going in like this granny gear. But then there’s this one place where it does dip down, and you get a little rest, and like so it’s a slight decline. And instead of listening to a podcast this time, I was listening to music on the way up. And I was really happy that I was doing so well. Okay. So, I just, I really cranked it. Do you know what song it was? It was a, it was Freddie Gibbs. I don’t know which song. What was the BPM do you believe? It was probably 98. That’s kind of slow. It’s not too fast, but I’m cranking it. Okay. And… I just, I guess I just hit this little divot. And I wasn’t present. I just wasn’t totally present. And typically when you fall, you can kind of catch yourself. A lot of times I kind of know it’s coming. Like, I mean, once- You mean without fully falling? No, falling but like getting your hands out and like catching yourself. And like I’m wearing gloves, I’m wearing elbow pads, I’m wearing knee pads, I’m wearing a helmet. I’m wearing all these things because I do fall. But this was really unusual. I mean, my front tire, I think it just took a really hard, boom, right turn right when it hit this divot. Wham! And then it just tossed me. I would say it slammed me more than tossed me over the right side of the bike. My forward momentum took me over, and it happened so fast that I did not have time to get my hand, my right hand off the handlebar to put my hand in front of me, and kind of, so that my hand would be the first thing that hit the ground. So, I was diving, and my right shoulder was- The first thing that hit? I dropped it. And so, the first thing that hit was the top of my right shoulder. Bam! Into the ground. And then it was like the side of my face I think. Like, or the side of my helmet or something. But I really did, I didn’t hit my head. I didn’t. I’m… I didn’t. Do I sound convincing? You sound like you might not remember, so maybe you did. I mean, ’cause that’s a big concern. But… So, it was like a mouse trap, dude. It was just like wham! You know? And… So, I’m on my right side. What’s the first thought? First thought is, have I dislocated my shoulder? So, I’m like And I like get off the ground a little bit, and I raised my right arm. And so, there was a little bit of mental relief that like, okay, I can raise my right arm. I went like this, just raised it. And I was like, okay, my arm is still in the socket because the way that it hit, I just felt like it could have just taken it all the way out. And my shoulders, you know, I have some shoulder issues, so it’s kind of, it’s been historically a little weak in keeping it in socket, so I just didn’t want to have to do the lethal weapon thing where like you hit your shoulder against the ground or like your bike or something to put it back in socket. That was my first thought. How far into the process did you think, “I’m gonna talk about this on the podcast?” My second thought was I have to get off this trail ’cause I know that there’s some mountain bikers that have passed me and some that are probably just coming down, and they can come down pretty fast. They have to turn around usually. You don’t wanna pile up? I don’t want to get hit or I don’t wanna send somebody off the mountain. So like, then I’m like scooting to the side of the trail. And so, on my left side, I’m going up the mountain, on my left side it’s like a decent drop off. One that if I sent somebody careening off of it- They would do more than dislocate their shoulder? Yeah. And on the right it’s just a slope and some thickets. So, I just like, I’m like trying to sit in the thicket and not panic, and this is all happening pretty quickly. So, that was my second thought. And then my third thought was, I’m not, like, I’ve been thinking about going back to the gym and now I’m gonna have to shoot the show, GMM, with like a sling and like… Yeah. And ’cause I think I had assumed that nothing was dislocated so I’d broken something. I think I pretty much knew at that point. Like, it was hurting. And, you know, that thing where like, like I could move my fingers, I raised my arm, but then like as like in minute two, it was like I really, my body wouldn’t let me move my arm at all. You know? So, it just kind of like, it knows something that I don’t. and then I’m like, “Oh gosh.” And, you know, I didn’t think about telling the story yet. I was just, ’cause then I kind of went in an almost like, “Don’t freak out, don’t freak out.” Like, I started like taking some- “Don’t freak out,” as in, what do you mean? Like, I was afraid to look at my shoulder. I was afraid I was gonna faint. You’re afraid you’re gonna have a panic attack up there? Yeah, yeah. Or just, yeah. So, like I felt a little faint. I was like, just like pouring sweat. I was already pouring sweat, but like, it was that like, “Don’t pass out.” And then one runner comes down. Or maybe it was a cyclist. Was like, “Dude, are you okay?” And I was like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. “I’ll be fine. “I just took a fall. “I’m gonna have to recover.” So, it was just like, my instinct was just like, “Yeah, I’m okay. “Just keep going.” “I’ll be fine.” And then it was like another couple of minutes, and there was another runner that came by, and she was like, “Are you okay?” And I’m like, “I took… “Yeah. “I just need to gather myself.” So, what is your definition of okay? And then she- ‘Cause I’m questioning that at this point. Yeah, I looked up at her- Like, what did you mean by that? And I was like- Yeah, like, “I’m not dying.” I didn’t want to inconvenience anybody. You didn’t want this woman to have to put you on her back? Right. Sherpa me down the mountain. But then I looked up at her, and she wasn’t leaving. She knew. And I was like- He is not okay. “I’m not okay. “I think I’ve broken my collarbone. “I need just to sit here for a little bit.” Oh man, I wish I could talk to this woman. And she was like, “You know, I can just take you down. “I can take you down to the saddle. “There’s more mountain bikers. “Like, we can, you know, “you can get some help or whatever.” I was like, “Okay, yeah.” And then so I sat there, and then she like stood beside me. And I was doing some deep breathing. And then occasionally she would ask me questions like… I can’t remember, but she started talking to me. Do you think she was an angel? I think she was an angel, yes. I think she was my guardian angel. Did you get her number? I mean, not like, did you get her number, like- I mean, I’m not- Are you gonna stay in touch with this woman? I mean, do you have to be Christian to have a guardian angel? Can you be a Buddhist and have a guardian angel? Can you be anybody? I know you can be a member of the band Alabama, but I think that they’re pretty Christian. But you’re not gonna stay in touch with this woman who saved you? There’s more to this story, my friend. Okay, all right. Okay, all right. I’m just… So- ‘Cause a lot of times you can’t get in touch with an angel. Right, they don’t have phones. You call the number and it just is like not in service. They give you a number, but it’s a- Every time that’s happened to me- It’s bullshit. That’s what’s happened. It’s that angel fake. Yeah. It took me 15 minutes to be able to get up. Like, to be able to stand up. Right, yeah. I was not doing good. And she was like, “Do you have something to eat?” And I had like one of these kids bars that like, it has more sugar than a normal protein bar, which was nice ’cause I needed that. So, I took a bite and then I was like, “Oh god, I’m gonna vomit.” But then I did eat like a third of it, and I’m like drinking my electrolyte water and like trying to just gather myself, you know? You had a lot of things. Yeah. You were prepared. You know I have some stuff. I would’ve been over there with nothing. Yeah yeah. And my bike was okay, but like the freaking bell on my bike, like there’s a bell on the left side of the handlebar, that thing was obliterated and just in the middle of the trail. Like, my bike took a hard licking too. You lost your bell? Well, I was like, “Can you get my bell?” And then I put it in my pocket. And… Must be a nice bell. I’ve learned to not leave the scene of an accident without looking around because in falls before, if I’m okay, like I’ll just get on my bike and start riding and realize there’s something that’s fallen off my bike and I gotta go back and get it. So, I finally got up, and I was like, “I can’t get my bike down this mountain. “I can’t.” You know, she’s like, “I can push your bike down the mountain. “That’s not a problem. “We’ll just walk down.” I was like, “Thank you so much for doing this.” I was just really appreciative. And then like well, we started walking down, and, you know, it dawned on me. It was like, if she didn’t stop, only one other runner went by, and it was a guy who was running with such intensity going up the mountain that he passed me running going up the mountain and I’m on a bike. Oh. So, like this guy ran back down. He was the only other guy that came by. And I just wouldn’t have had the nerve to ask him to help. That’s what I told her. I was like, “I don’t know how I would’ve gotten down “’cause you’re my only hope. “You’re my guardian angel.” And when I said that, she, poof, she disappeared. So, Katie and I just started talking because it took- Yeah, wow. An hour to walk down the mountain with her behind me and me just like holding my arm in the sling that we made from, she had on two shirts, so she took off her over shirt. She was prepared. She was like, I want to… You know, back before I stood up, she was like, “We can make my shirt into a sling.” She was an angel. Angels always have an extra shirt. The first thing I thought was, “You gonna go down this mountain without a shirt?” So, I like looked up at her, she had two shirts. Listen, it was magic. And what I’m telling you is that what, she’s gonna go running in two shirts? No. An angel takes off one shirt, and there’s another shirt under there because they’re operating in a magical way. The layers conceal the wings. Yeah, it’s like, “Okay, I’m gonna have to do the shirt trick with this one.” Yeah, and then she turned her shirt into a sling, which only an angel could do. So far the evidence is strong for angel. Oh gosh, yes. Well, every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. Dang it, that’s right! Oh! So, you’re saying when I took the crash- That bell rang. It created the angel that then saved me. “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Yes, you manifested an angel with your freaking bell. I’m glad you kept it. It’s a lucky bell. I kept it. So yeah, I mean, we’re like best friends. When I finally got home and told Christy, I was like, I told her about Katie, and then later on I was like, “Yeah, my best friend Julie.” And she was like, “I thought you said her name was Katie?” You already forgot your angel’s first name. My best friend Julie. I mean, I told her when we got back to the bottom after the hour, it just, there’s many places you can park and the place that I park to start my ride is not the main place or the second place. It’s the third place that requires a final climb right before you get back to your car. And it’s just on the street so people don’t like to do it. But she also parked up there. Oh yeah, so yeah, she moved her car while you were all walking down with her mind. Just other proof that she was an angel. Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. It’s clear. I mean, I don’t think even think she had a car because once she put my bike on my, I mean, I couldn’t do anything. Yeah, it was a fake car. She put my bike on the rack, and then I get in the car, and she was like, “Can you drive? “Are you okay?” Yeah, I’m driving. And then I drive past her, and she’s just walking down the street like Bill Bixby at the end of “The Hulk.” And then I bet when I turned the corner, the wings popped out and she flew away. Getting into her “car.” Yeah, right. I did take a picture with her because I was like, “Katie, I’ve gotta, I gotta take a picture.” And I know I look happy, but I am not happy. Like, that was my best fake smile. And you’re zooming in on her to see if she’s… She’s so angelic. They do a good job of just making themselves look like normal people. I mean, that’s part of their deal. Right. I got to know everything about her husband Ron. He’s a bedroom DJ just like me. He’s more into house music. Really? Yeah. Works for Snapchat. We negotiated a new deal for Mythical. Oh, that’s great. With Snapchat. She definitely looks like somebody who could run up a mountain. She ran up the freaking mountain, and then she walked my bike down it for an hour. And she’s not sweaty at all. And she was so gracious. I mean, it literally added basically an hour to her day. So, I got her number. Yeah, but she’s just doing her job. And I’m getting her mailing address, so I can send her some sort of gift, her and Ron a gift. Now that’ll be interesting what that mailing address ends up being. Yeah, I don’t know if she replied to- 777 Heaven Street. Let me see. Let me see. I’ll read it to you right now. Okay. Nope. Nope. It’s just normal. Okay, well yeah, she couldn’t- Don’t read it out loud. Okay. “Here’s our address, “but absolutely no need to send anything “if that’s why you’re asking. “It’s not often we get a genuine chance “to help someone out like that. “So, just happy I could be there to help.” But she did tell me that like her mom was back home visiting and that Ron was stuck with the mother-in-law. So, I feel like I gotta get Ron a gift. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? So, how’s it been since then? Well, ’cause you ended up, you texted everybody in our little friend group. Close friend group. Yeah, I didn’t know you were back. Well, I had just gotten back, which we’ll get into later, that we ended up not spending Thanksgiving together because of a conflict between the two of us. No I’ll explain that. But this put everything in perspective, we made up. So, I had just returned and you text the friend group that you took a fall and that you are currently in the emergency room waiting to see if you broke your collarbone. Yeah. I tell Shepherd ’cause Shepherd and I are the ones that came back together, and Shepherd says, “It only takes 14 pounds of pressure to break a collarbone, “so he probably broke it.” I love it. I love it. And so I was like, okay, he broke it. We don’t even need to be at the emergency room. I sat at the emergency room for over five hours. Got an x-ray. Here it is. It is broken. The clavicle is broken like right towards the end of it. You know how like my shoulders are so bony? You know, like the top of my shoulder is very, and now in this photo, it’s not the gap, but to the right of the gap where there’s like the break. That’s the break. So, what would that bone normally look like? Would it be, is it bent weird right here or? Yeah, like see the part that’s like shaped like an arrowhead? That broke off. And typically that is more, like imagine that being pushed up. Because like look over here. Like, you know, I’ve got a big bump. Yeah. Like, my clavicle comes out all the way. And then over here it’s like taking a hammer and just, bam, nailing my bump down and breaking it off. So, actually if you look at, let me show you the pic. I took a picture in the mirror this morning. You’re saying right there that part’s the break? Zoom in. I only have one hand. That right there. That’s the break. So, to the left of that break- Is just a joint? No, that’s the end of the bone that’s been pushed down. Imagine this arrow, like this arrowhead shaped thing right here pushed up where it’s in alignment with everything else, and it would create a bump in my skin at the top of my shoulder. You broke your bump? Yes. I broke the bump and pushed it down. So you’re not gonna have a bump anymore? I don’t think I’m gonna have a bump- Because if you don’t get surgery, which they told you you don’t need surgery. Yeah. The ER doctor said, “It’s broken. “I texted the ortho that I’m recommending you go to “for follow-up.” I haven’t been yet. But graciously he responded to his text ’cause they’re friends and said no surgery needed, which was a big relief. I didn’t realize it at the time, but like when I got home, you know, Christy would’ve been Googling and saying like, “You’re gonna need surgery.” He doesn’t think I need surgery. This is the picture I took this morning in the mirror and like- What is this? Some thirst trap? This is some thirst trap stuff. Here, take that and zoom in. I can’t zoom in. So, look at my right, look at my left shoulder first. See that bump? My injured… Well, first, yeah, on the right. Hold on, hold on. It’s mirror image in the mirror. Hold on. Yeah, yeah, I’m looking at the wrong side. So, the right side of the frame. So, hold on, this is actually an improvement. I know, it is, right? I feel like maybe you gotta do the other one. I know, exactly. Next year. Don’t do ’em at the same time. I mean, when I go to the ortho, I’m just gonna tell him just to like hammer my left shoulder down. You have like a normal un-bumpy shoulder now. Honestly, it’s one of the things that- You got plastic surgery. I’m pretty self-conscious about is like the bump on my shoulder is so pronounced. And that thing got jammed into the mountain side and busted. I can’t believe that you don’t need surgery. I know nothing about this stuff, but it’s just like, if you more change the morphology of your shoulder to this degree and they’re like, “Ah, no surgery needed,” I guess it was an unnecessary bump. Can I do that to my bony elbow? Yes. I’ll take you mountain biking. Okay, all right Jenna’s shaking her head. As you can notice, my shoulder’s not blue yet, but look at my finger, like on my other hand. For a while I thought I broke my freaking ring finger on this other hand. That thing is blue as a… Blue as song. Is your shoulder blue now? No. This was taken two, three hours ago. It’s so weird how sometimes a break doesn’t actually lead to black and blueness. I’ve been trying to be really positive about it. You’re supposed to stay in the sling for, you know, up to six weeks. And it is my dominant arm. Well, so you think. I know. But I’m trying to be positive about it. It’s… The best news is that it doesn’t hurt. Like, unless I do something with it, What about sleeping? it doesn’t hurt. You sleep on your back now? Because of the shoulder issues that I had years ago and the pillow that my physical therapist sold me, that like cylinder pillow filled with buckwheat seeds, shells. I’m like, I sleep like a dead guy on my back. Yeah, that’s good to be prepared for these things. And yeah, ’cause like I’m basically not in any pain. I’m not taking any pain reliever, and I’m just like not moving it that much. But what if you bump into something? What if you forget that you- If I, yeah, like I took… I’m bummed out that I can’t ride my bike. I’m bumped out that I, bumped out I am bumped out. Yeah, you’re bumped out. I’m bummed out that I can’t go to the gym and work out ’cause I’ve been meaning to get back in there. So, I’m frustrated. So, the only thing I do is take Jasper for a walk. And like he got a little crazy. And like before I know it, I’m using my right arm to like try to restrain it. And then I can feel stuff moving around that shouldn’t be moving in that way. Yeah, that bone that’s broken. And ’cause it’s day, basically day two. So, like I’m not… And, you know, taking that picture, it was really hard for me to do. Like, looking at it or thinking about it is the thing that makes me uncomfortable. I just start making this noise. Yeah, the inside of your body in general is not something you like to think about. But have you ever tried to put deodorant on your armpit using the hand that’s attached to that armpit? Okay, I think- You made it look pretty easy. I think I can do it. That’s ’cause you have a problem. I think I could do it. So like, I’m really frustrated with like- Get your wife to do that. That’s sexy. I have to… She was like, “Do I need to take a shower with you?” I was like, oh. “Do I need to sponge bath you?” So, I’m in the process of developing new systems. Oh. New Link systems. Like, I can’t, like one of the more frustrating things is making my smoothie. And I gave up eating my smoothie with a spoon. Your hand blended smoothie. And then like scraping it clean and eating every part of it. Like, there’s just things I have to let go. I think this might be an opportunity to embrace your actual left-handedness. And maybe, well, you know, it’s just like when you’re a kid and you break your arm and then you learn how to write with the other hand and then you just keep going with it. What are the things that you could do with your left hand? Well, I don’t fix my hair with my left hand. This is the best I could do. I was gonna say something. It looks like somebody who isn’t familiar with what you typically do with your hair fixed your hair. Yeah, it’s like, it’s real flat and like… Well, see, this is a skill. Whoa, wow, you made it worse. I know. This is a skill- I have to develop this. I think there’s a lot of positive things that could come from this. The one other thing- You’re not gonna have to wear a brace, right? I broke my collarbone when I was five, and I had to wear- They can’t put a cast. This weird brace. I hated it. I don’t think it’s, ’cause at that age, you don’t have the discipline. Like, I’ve got a lot of discipline to keep that thing. But I mean, so my pillow really trained me to sleep on my back. So, that was such an important thing that now I can sleep good. I don’t have pain during the day. I’m just really grateful. Because you also don’t roll at night. I don’t roll. ‘Cause if I broke my collarbone, I might be able to sleep on the opposite shoulder but then I would switch without thinking about it. Oh yeah. Jade is very upset with me because she sits there and when I get in the bed she makes a noise and then I lift the covers with my right arm and she gets under my right arm and goes to sleep, and then I put my elbow down over her. That’s how we do it every single night. And now- She stays there? I’m in a sling. Most of the time she stays there all night. But like now she sits there and she’s waiting for me to lift my arm. I’m like, “Jade, I can’t lift my arm.” And she’s just like mad at me. She feels like I’m shunning her. The other thing that did work out in my favor is my dependency on my hair dryer is really, it’s so important now ’cause like it’s so hard to dry yourself off after a shower with one arm. Let me tell you right now, a good hair dryer is the best thing to dry off with. Anyway, I was already doing that, and now I can still do that. And now I just leave it out there. And when I wash my hands, it’s really hard to dry my hands. Like, it’s hard to dry one hand without the other hand. Put the hair dryer on a stand. I put the hair dryer on its side and I just turn it on. And I dry my hands like I’m in a McDonald’s bathroom. You could get a deodorant stand as well. Yeah, just like- Kinda lean over. Like, a deer salt lick or like a, like one of those things that like cows rub up against. When everybody has a personalized robot at their house, all this will be so much easier. Christy told me last night when we went to bed, she was like, “Link, if you get up in the middle of the night, “don’t blow dry your body. “I couldn’t go back to sleep.” Hold on, you did it in the middle of the night? I was in this like, I was like covered in sweat. And sometimes I don’t know what happened but like usually if I wake up covered in sweat, ’cause we have a lot of covers and I have a dog sleeping right against me. I can’t believe your dog stays there ’cause Barbara gets so hot. She gets so hot. Two minutes in, she’s like, “Peace.” So, she will, yeah, she meaning me. I will get up and change my shirt in the middle of the night. It happens occasionally. How occasionally? Maybe once or twice a month ‘Cause my covers feel good when I get in ’em and then they get too hot. Is there another shirt under it when you take it off? No, not an angel. You’re not an angel. I couldn’t take my shirt off in the middle of the night and put on another shirt. You know, I can’t do that with one arm. So, I just went to the bathroom, and I blow dried my shirt with me still- You’re a strange, strange man. It was so great. But then Christy was up from 3:30 to 4:30. Christy, I hope she journals because she’s gonna write one hell of a book one day. So, I’m trying to be positive, and, you know, I did it to myself and it’s worth it. You had a literal Thanksgiving break. You know? That’s humorous. Thank you. Glad I didn’t break that bone. You didn’t break you humerus, yeah. Well, I’m glad you’re okay, Link. And I’m glad we have an outlet for you to talk about it. Did I put you in the mood to promote something right quick? Yeah, let’s talk about Stevie’s podcast. “Best Friends Back Alright!” is out for season three with all new episodes. In the premiere episode of the new season, Stevie and Neagheen talk about mysteries and conspiracies that they wish they knew the truth about. They cover topics from the Lost Colony to the Illuminati to T Swift. Oh! So, check it out now on Apple Podcast, Spotify, wherever you get your podcast. Would you be willing to like style my hair? No. Right now? I think you should get your angel to do that. The… Man, so we didn’t end up spending Thanksgiving together. Even though the GMM episode, which of course everybody loved ’cause all we do is sit there and talk about how we didn’t wanna make an episode, so we just talked about the Thanksgiving plans that we had. People love the fact that you confronted me on the ham. And like I said on the episode, what did I say on the episode? I’m gonna take it into account. Yeah, you were gonna take it into account. The reason we didn’t end up spending Thanksgiving together, there was a family thing that I had to go back for last minute unexpectedly. Everybody’s fine. Nothing to worry about. But it changed our Thanksgiving plans, so we were in North Carolina with my family. And we spent Thanksgiving day with my family and my brother’s family and then some time with my wife’s family as well. So, we missed y’all. Where that ended up leaving me because, you know, we were gonna host the thing at our house and I was very excited about my multiple turkeys that we talked about last time. I had all that pickle brine. I had all the peanut oil. Yeah, you did. I had two turkeys ready to go, fresh turkeys on order, which apparently you ended up using. We picked them up and handed them off to someone else to prepare. But what that ended up creating wasn’t, well, first of all, literally the day before we left, ’cause again this all happened very unexpectedly, again nothing for you to worry about, but it did require travel, and Jessie was like, well, the first thing she said was, “Can you just take a suitcase with all your turkey stuff?” And I’m like, “Baby, I ain’t traveling “with a bunch of pickle juice and peanut oil. “I am not that guy.” You know what I’m saying? Yeah, that requires like special cases. I’m not gonna be that guy. And she said, “Well, how about we order some things “and you can get ’em shipped to your brother’s house?” And long story short what ended up happening was I was going to fry a turkey. So, we needed to get a turkey, a fresh turkey because I still wanted to brine it, not pickle brine it, but just brine it. And, you know, the whole deal. Just fry a turkey. Fry a couple of turkeys actually. And so, I did that. It was great. It was the best turkey I’ve ever made. I feel like, I don’t know what it was, something about the elevation or just being back on my home turf in North Carolina, but I ended up doing a perfect turkey, and I’ve been, you know, zeroing in on the perfect turkey over the past few years but never quite landing it. But you didn’t do the pickle brine? I didn’t do the pickle brine. You don’t need it. No, no, no. So, my idea, and, you know, we discussed this on the thread, and I think Christy is into the idea is just, we should do like a secondary Thanksgiving dinner, you know? It could be like a Christmas dinner almost, you know, before we go back home again. But yeah, I just hit the temperature just right. It was, the breast was so tender and juicy. It was crazy. I don’t know what happened, man. I nailed it. But while we were, you know, we actually sent my kids and my nephews off to the grocery store to get things last minute. And while they were in the grocery store we were FaceTiming. And I was like, “You know, while you’re there, get a ham.” It was like, you know, I’ve been thinking about Link’s ham, and I’ve already stated that I really love ham. I think that it’s, you know, probably the superior meat. And, you know, it’ll be leftovers for everybody. So, I’m gonna do two, a turkey, a turkey breast, and a ham. What do you mean you’re gonna do a ham? Well, I learned a lot. I learned that the ham doesn’t require much at all. And so, it was- It’s already cooked. It was a little ironic because I got this ham. We got a spiral cut ham just from Harris Teeter. Yeah. And so, not a honey baked ham ’cause we were last minute situation. And I just like pulled this thing out. It says fully cooked. It has some instruction. It has some brown sugar glaze that comes with it. And the instructions are, place in oven at 350 degrees for 10 to 14 minutes and then pull it out and put the glaze on it. Five to 10 minutes later it’ll be sticky, ready to go. And I gotta say, we did that and it was wonderful. It was also the easiest dish of all the dishes that anyone prepared. I’m not trying to rub it in, but I just made me think it’s like all these years, you’ve been- You’ve already been through this. You’ve been doing what we described. But then in my experience- No, I would do it, instead of putting it in the oven, I would put it on a grill so it would have a smoky taste, which is nice. Yeah. But yeah, I would burn it. So anyway, the ham was great. The ham was a hit. But- You had to get a ham just so you could do this to me. No, no, no, no. I got a ham because I was like, why not? Like, I was gonna have ham. I was looking for, I still, here’s the thing, I still eat your ham and I’m not too sensitive to dry, I mean, I like white meat chicken. I like a breast. I’m not too sensitive to dryness on meat, so it wasn’t like- I don’t want to have this conversation again. I’m always like, I still like it. It just could be moisture. Listen- But what ended up happening with yours? The first time we had the conversation, I was receptive. I don’t need to have it again because I’ve already done what I did. I haven’t talked to you about your ham. What happened? I ordered a honey baked ham, and it was the best decision that I’ve ever made. Honey baked ham, not a sponsor, so freaking awesome. So good. Yeah. And then you just take it out of the fridge. Yeah. And then 30 minutes later you eat it. You just let it, you let it come- You don’t glaze it, you don’t do nothing. It’s all done. Because they’ve glazed it already. Oh gosh. It’s so… It’s perfect. It’s perfect. Why try to approach that? Like, even the thing that you made that I bet was great or good, whatever it was. Even if it was fabulous, it wasn’t better than a honey baked ham. No, it wasn’t. Now I bet you they’re expensive. I don’t remember the price. But like it wasn’t any more expensive than those like really expensive turkeys that you bought that we had to pick up. A fresh turkey, a fresh organic turkey is very expensive. Like a $85 turkey. But my ham, my spiral cut ham that I got, the only reason you put it in the oven is to get it to room temperature. Okay. So- Well, the honey, I mean, it’s just- So, it was still moist. And I had to, you know, I ordered it, like after we had the conversation, I went ahead and reserved one ’cause like people will line up around the block for those things. What was the line like? I didn’t pick it up myself. Oh, okay. All right, all right. You sent your angel? Yeah, I didn’t even pick it up. I didn’t, okay, I didn’t order it, I didn’t pick it up. Okay. Did you take it out of the fridge? I didn’t. I did Google- What part did you do? I googled how long to take it out of the fridge. Is this still Link’s ham? Is it like if you take a boat and you slowly replace it every single part over a period of time is it still the same boat? None of it’s mine. I don’t believe that this is your ham anymore, which is- It was my money. An interesting situation. I bought it. Okay. It was my money. And it wasn’t even my decision. It was pretty much your decision, and then you weren’t even there. Oh, so this is now my ham? No, it’s not your ham. It’s not your money. Well, who’s ham is it? Is it our ham? I mean… It can be your ham. I’m still the ham man. You’re still the ham man. I’m gonna bring the, I’m gonna bring that ham to everything. I don’t wanna take that title. Like, and you know what? Have you met Link? He brings a ham. And it’s unapologetically honey baked. Yeah. Did you have the branding on it? See, now my shoulder’s hurting. Like, something about, something about this is like moving, like something about my posture. You’ve pushed my posture into a defensive position. No, well, you have very good posture. You stand up very straight. And I think maybe you stand up straighter while on camera than you do in normal life and so maybe, maybe- No, I don’t. I’m actually trying to keep my posture really good. I’m gonna take a visit to my physical therapist to ask. I want it to heal in the right place. I’m nervous about that. So, I’m going to the ortho and I’m going to my physical therapist for a consult even before I start physical therapy ’cause I want to do everything in order to heal it in the right place, which I put my shoulders back. It seems like you’re in pain. I feel like I might faint all of a sudden. Okay, well, I think you should calm down. Focus on the ham. The ham was so good. And well, here’s the other thing you’re doing- I’m sweating too. Does anybody have a blow dryer? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Here’s what you’re doing. You’re grabbing the microphone stand with your right hand. You have now, you’re no longer using the sling. As we talked about the ham, you grasped the microphone stand. So, you need to bring it back down. You need to relax the arm. Yeah, yeah. And just put it in a neutral position. And just make sure we’re all rolling if he faints. Yeah, I’m feeling, we’re still good ’cause I’m… We’re still good. So, I’m glad the ham was a success. How was the turkey? I know it’s not a competition. The turkey was amazing, Rhett. I heard that it was good. The turkey was so good. But no one was… Did you even eat any of it? I did. Just so I could tell you how amazing it was. Okay. I gotta tell you, Jeb took your turkey, and he put it in some sort of like- I heard he used an air fryer. Some sort of like turkey sized air fryer. And let me tell you, man, I’ve never experienced anything like it. It was probably the best turkey I’ve ever had. Are you bullshitting me right now? No, it was really amazing. What did he do to it? You know, I don’t even like turkey, but I changed my mind. After all these years, changed my mind. Well, you don’t even eat my turkey. I taste it. I’m always open to it changing my mind. But what did he do? Tell me what he did. I just told you. He put it in an air fryer. ‘Cause I heard that he was doing some… The way Jenny described it was some trial runs because there was- Oh yeah, you had built it up so much that now he’s taking over. The expectations are pretty high. Okay, all right, we’ll see about next year, Jeb. Yeah, I think at one point he asked, “Wait, am I off brand Rhett?” Maybe we’ll have a turkey tango. I think you guys need a face off. Okay, all right. His turkey was as good as any turkey. But I really don’t, you know, I don’t care enough about turkey to have a- But you ate the dark meat, I assume. No, I just, I grabbed some of it just so I could give you shit about it. Okay. No, it was good. But I’m just, I’m a ham man. Yeah, I appreciate that. It didn’t really… It didn’t really sway me, but it was good. It was good. It was fine. The other thing. The other thing from you? Okay. The other Thanksgiving thing. Okay, yeah. I… You know, you’re a soccer guy. You know, at least, I mean, you played soccer. In fact- In high school, yeah. Just recently you played soccer on the show. People seem to be impressed with your kicking. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, are you a World Cup guy? No, sir. No, sir. So, there’s no- I’m a ham man and more, I like music. Okay. Well, you don’t have to pick one. I’m into music and ham. So, I don’t like sports and turkey. So, there’s no, okay, so no World Cupping has happened? Nah. I mean, I listen to the news headlines, and if something is headline worthy, I’ll take note. Well, I had the privilege of, well, so okay, it’s Friday after Thanksgiving, and this is the annual State, Carolina football game, which NC State and University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, rivals. My wife went to Carolina. I went to State. There was an opportunity to go to the game, but I was like, I don’t really want to go to Chapel Hill and watch State get beat. That was kind of what I was thinking because, you know, State’s playing with their fourth string quarterback and like we’ve been through three quarterbacks to get to the guy, the fourth string. Oh wow. The scout team quarterback. Yeah, don’t go. And I don’t wanna be in Chapel Hill and people know I’m a State fan if I get recognized and I’m sitting there watching my team lose in public. You know, it’s not my thing. It’s kinda like getting recognized at the ER. I had a couple pictures. Oh, good. Yeah. And the… But Locke and then my two nephews went to the game. And I was like, well, I’m gonna watch the game, but I’m going over to Jessie’s sister’s house, and they’re very excited about the World Cup. Like, this is, I mean, I didn’t really expect it. I mean, I’m like, if a game’s on, I’ll watch it. If the US is playing, I’ll watch it, but I’m not gonna make an appointment. Right. It’s just not my thing. I call it soccer, you know what I’m saying? I don’t call it football. I call it soccer. But okay, US is, okay, they’re gonna play England. This is a big deal. Our team’s really young, and England’s really good and like, so okay, we’ll watch it. But I’m thinking the whole time like, but that State, Carolina game is like coming on before this game’s over. And again, I know, this is an interest, I had… There’s this soccer versus American football conversation, which the only people on the face of the planet who think that American football is better than soccer are Americans. Right? Yeah, right. And there’s a lot of Americans who agree with the rest of the world. It’s like the metric system. Okay. And I think that’s a good analogy because I’m not saying it makes any sense. I mean, clearly the metric system is a superior system than the king’s system of pounds and inches. But I just gotta tell you, I had the distinct experience of watching the game, the soccer game, and then the football game back to back. And for me, it’s like all this excitement around the US and England, and then we’re supposed to walk away from this satisfied that the score was zero to zero. Wow. And we’re happy about this and it’s awesome. Yeah, I don’t- And then we changed the channel. We began watching State and Carolina play football. And it goes into double overtime. And it was crazy. It was just crazy back and forth. Jenna was watching it. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It was a good game. It was like… You know, and I’m like, what, this dude Finley whose brother played at State a few years ago, who’s not supposed to be great, is throwing these crazy passes, and then it gets down to the end and they scored touchdown, but then it gets ruled incomplete. But then it was zero seconds. I’m watching the game with my father-in-law who, you know, went to UNC undergrad and UNC dental school. Huge Carolina fan. And so, and we’re the only two who really care in the house, so we’re the only ones who are there the whole time yelling at each other. He’s hitting me. You know, like, what I mean, like they score, he like punches me in the shoulder. That kind of thing. We have that kind of relationship. Don’t do that. I’m not gonna do it to you. And none of this was, just so you know, none of this was happening during USA versus England. There was no punching in the shoulder. There was no standing. I’m just saying. I enjoyed it, you know? I think we’re playing, today I think we’re playing Iran when we’re recording this. And probably right now. I mean, I’m interested to know what happens. I would watch it if I didn’t have to work. But goes into double overtime. State wins. I’m freaking, this is amazing. And it’s awesome to be able to watch it with a Carolina fan and watch them sort of shrivel. And then we turn the channel to the Carolina basketball game. Number one, Carolina is, like literally gets beat by Iowa State. Like, we turn it over and like 30 seconds left on the clock and they lose. And it was just like this, and again, this is immature. This is not something that I wanna promote. I’m just letting you know that it was in- You’ve just chosen to talk about it. It was insanely satisfying to watch Carolina get beat and State beat them in football and then went on that night to win in basketball. I’m not saying that we’ll beat ’em in basketball later. But I just had a like a one-to-one experience of soccer versus American football. And my suspicions were confirmed that I’m significantly more entertained by American football. I thought maybe I would get a different perspective from a soccer guy, but I guess you’re just a ham guy. Yeah. I was looking forward to you defending soccer. Well, you know, it’s quite an aerobic workout. They’re constantly running. Hey, I was thinking that. I was thinking these dudes are running around for 45 minutes. Oh yeah. And like the football players are like getting a lot of breaks. It’s like, oh, I just played defense. A lot of kneeling. I’m just playing defense. I mean, what if- You just play offense and we take a lot of breaks, and you stand around and there’s timeout. Half the team watches half the team. How do you run around for 45? It’s incredibly impressive. It’s incredibly impressive. But it’s just the goal. Something, the goal needs to be bigger. Something needs to change. Just something needs to change a little bit. Like, the goal. Either let’s get rid of the keeper or let’s make the goal bigger. We need one of those options to happen and then America will be all over it Trap doors, man. Trap doors. What if we invented a new thing called American soccer? We don’t have to get the rest of the world to change. Hold on. Why would it be called American soccer? Well, just to, it might be a little redundant. American football. I think we just call it soccer and then parenthesis American, just to remind you. Because what I’m saying is that the rules are gonna be different, and we’re gonna have a giant goal. In fact, one whole side of the field is just a goal. Like, when you get down to that side and it’s just a goal. It’s just a net. It’s like a gutter. If you can get the ball in the gutter, it’s a point. I think you’re describing an end zone. Exactly! I just created an end zone. This is how American football got created ’cause they were like, how do we make this easier? What if you could just carry it across this line? What if you could touch it with your hands and run it across this line? We don’t have to do that. But let’s just make the end a gutter. And if you could get into the gutter, it’s a goal. Games will be like 48 to 45. Everybody will be watching. Hey man, I don’t wanna join you on this hill because I don’t know, shots are gonna be fired. I know. It’s not a popular opinion. I appreciate it. I think that, I understand that soccer is like every man’s game. It’s like, it’s so much more easily accessible. All you need is a ball, and you can just start playing it in your neighborhood. I’m an outdoors man. Your hair’s looking a little like you touched it with your left hand. I know. It’s like… Does it go this way? You’ll figure it. You’ll figure it out. This way. I’m an outdoors man. That’s what I do with my time. Yeah, you spend time out on the bike. Me and the boys from like the Saturday before Thanksgiving to Wednesday, so Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, four days, five nights we went on a van camping trip. You know, I rented the Sprinter van, the one that me and Christy went on. And we actually, I took the boys on pretty much the same trip that I took, that Christy and I went on during the pandemic when we went to, you know, when we went to Zion and Bryce Canyon, and then we had that weird encounter- With the serial killer. With the guy, yeah, with the serial killer who wanted to show her his photos so she could vote on them. Nothing that scary happened. But when you go in November, which was weeks later than when Christy and I went, I think maybe we went in September. Little nippy out there, huh? But I wanted to take the boys back to the Narrows, which, I mean, the famous hikes at Zion are, you got Angels Landing. Zion is so beautiful. I highly recommend it. Angels Landing is like, you got this… What’s it called? It’s not a cavern. Canyon. Good gosh. I didn’t hit my head. And then in the middle of it, there’s like this rock formation that you can kind of hike out to that’s like you gotta use these special cables and stuff, and you gotta get a permit to go out there. I really wanna do that, but like there’s no way that I’m doing that with the boys. And like, I didn’t think I was ready for it anyway. So, we did the hike that Christy and I did, which is an absolutely amazing hike. The Virgin River has carved this canyon, and then at the far end of the park, you can hike a trail that then you get in the water and then you’re hiking in the river, which when Christy and I did it, it was like ankle to at some places knee depth, and it was cold at the time. So, I did my research and I was like, I really want the boys to experience this. Christy really built it up for Lando and like he was excited about it, about going one day. So, I was like, “Boys, we can do this.” And it’s gonna be more of an adventure because yes, the water could be like 27 degrees. That’s pretty dang cold. That’s pretty dang cold. And now I’m questioning, is that even right? Definitely in the 30s. I mean, 32 is freezing, but if it’s moving- If it’s moving, it doesn’t freeze. Yeah, so there’s like, there’s ice and snow around. It’s not snowing there, or it wasn’t predicted to, but we had to rent special equipment, like special pants, like dry suit pants, so that you wear a couple of layers underneath it and then you pull these like, it’s kinda like waiters, but they’re really tight at the ankles, so they don’t let water in. So, it’s like a dry suit bottom. And then like special hiking boots and neoprene socks, so that your feet do get wet. Like, potentially completely wet. But then just like a wet suit, the water inside of the neoprene socks is heated by your circulation and your feet stay warm. Do you rent these shoes and everything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You rent all of that. A number of people were doing it. If you go in November, you can pretty much have the place to yourself is what I read. Because it’s cold? Because it’s so cold. People don’t want to do that. Like, a lot of times you go to Zion, and from the pictures I’ve seen, it’s like there’s just a lot of people in that canyon. And does it close at some point? The hike is called the Narrows. Like, is it almost about to close? I don’t recall. Like, Yosemite closes. I don’t think it gets, it doesn’t get snow like that, so I don’t think it does. But don’t quote me on that. But we did that. It was quite an adventure. Because it was Thanksgiving week, there were almost as many people as when Christy and I went during COVID. So, it was like, it was still very manageable. But it was quite an adventure. I mean, it was five hours, a five hour hike ’cause we went basically all the way in to where they recommend turning around and then coming back out. You rent the same van? Yeah. And I was impressed with Lando. You know, with his height having to trudge through that water, he’s encountered a lot more resistance than Lincoln and I are, ’cause, you know, Lincoln’s freaking taller than me now. Oh yeah. Six freaking one. Crazy. Lincoln may end up being the tallest of all our kids. The tallest Neal. I mean, Shepherd’s- How tall is Locke? 5’11”. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, that’s crazy. I mean- And Shepherd is like 5’10 and 1/2″, but he’s only 14, so he’s probably, I don’t know, it could be weird. Gonna start some rumors. You were 6’4″ when you were Shepherd’s age. Oh yeah, 6’4″ in eighth grade. That’s crazy, man. Thankfully my kids did not get all of that. Yeah, there was a balancing factor called Jessie. So, but Lando did great. And like, you know, we got some good pictures, had a good time. You know, it was, it got pretty cold at night. But you got the van. But there’s heat in the van, so it’s like, it’s definitely glamping. And so yeah, we had a good time. No weird run-ins with strange people. And then… I’m all of a sudden so tired. I feel like, I feel like… You might be one of those people that keeps a part of their brain in their shoulder. It could have been what that little bump is. Like, last night at eight o’clock, I was like, “I think I’m gonna turn in.” And Christy’s like, “Oh no, we need to watch ‘The White Lotus.’ “It’s only eight o’clock.” Good lord, what episode are you on? I’m caught up, but- Oh gosh. I was like, I think that my body is rebuilding a shoulder. Yeah, there’s a lot of, yeah. You know? Making connections that you don’t typically make. And then you can’t make connections in your brain. It’s just like my bone is sewing itself back together. Don’t think about it. It’ll make you faint. Now I’m gonna faint again. But we had a really good time, and it was special. I don’t think that me and the boys have ever done a camping trip just the three of us that we could recall. I’m jealous, man, because I, you know, I was gonna do a shorter trip- With your boys. With my boys, but with our plans changing. Lando learned how to whistle. Oh. You know, we’re sitting by the campfire the first night and he’s like, “I’d really like to learn how to whistle.” I was like, “Son, this is the perfect place “and the perfect time. “We ain’t got nothing to do except sit here by a fire “and learn to whistle.” What’s a whistle lesson involve? It’s you whistling. Just saying, “Well, just ” “Just do this.” “You know, just ” “Just do this. “Keep trying.” Now you can’t whistle. Now change it Okay, you can whistle, but you’re not good at it. I can whistle. And I got two notes. I’ve got four notes now. Can you do it without moving your eyebrows? Whistle a tune. Here, I’m gonna hum a tune. No, no, no. No, not a random tune. No, that was sitting on the dock of the bay. Match my tune. Nope, that wasn’t- I’ve got like, there’s like three tones that I can do. Yeah, I mean, listen, you just, but you just accused- Is that from “The Little Mermaid?” You just accused me of not being able to whistle and I whistled immediately. I just gotta say. I mean, I’m not good at it. You’re bad at it. Okay, well, bad at it would be not being able to do it. No. You’re bad at whistling. If you can’t whistle, then you can’t whistle. I just think it’s good for you to say that you’re bad at something. Well- Just say you’re bad at whistling. I just think I could be a lot worse. Why can’t you just say- If there’s a spectrum of whistling- “I’m not good at whistling.” I’m not good at whistling. But a bad whistler is too strong of a word. If there’s a spectrum of whistling- Give me your best whistle. I’m on the lower, I am in the 50th percentile or lower, easy. I would say that I’m in the 30th percentile of- Well, then you’re a bad whistler. Like, what is the percentile of a bad whistler? 15 or down. Give me your best whistle. That’s bad, dude. But I’m better than- I’m hearing wind more than whistle. If you take everybody who can whistle, I’m better than 30% of them. No, you’re not. Okay, well, we’re gonna have to figure out a way to do that. Like, when When you hear that kind of stuff- That’s not whistling. No, but that’s 70% of your whistle. Oh no, it’s not. You’re trying so hard. That’s not that bad, man. Just be bad at it, dude. Okay, if the lower 50% is the bad half, I’m on the bad half, but there are worse whistlers than me, without a doubt. Name something you’re bad at. And say it this way, “I am bad at blank.” I am bad at being short. You see? You see this? Do you hear this? I am bad at not having a beard. Lando- I will… Lando is a bad whistler. But you know what? He’s just learning. He’s just learning. He’s just learning. Did he get better than me during his lesson? Yes. Oh, come on. Well, he’s got a Neal mouth. A lot of it’s the tongue. When you really try to teach somebody to whistle, you really discover a lot of it’s the tongue. Here’s the thing. Now in the golf world, there’s something called a handicap, right? And I think in the whistle world- Yeah, change the subject to something you know. No, in the whistle world, you have a mouth handicap. If you have my mouth, you’re starting off so far behind with whistle ability that I think for everyone who has a mouth like me- You’re saying it’s so small? I am in the 90th percentile of people with a mouth like me. It’s relative, dude. If you’ve got a McLaughlin mouth, which is really a Cowen mouth. If you’ve got a Cowen mouth, I’m in the 90th percentile of probably, if your last name is Cowen, I’m probably a better whistler than you. What about that? Can you do that? No, I can’t do that, no. I don’t even know what you, I don’t even know how to begin what you’re doing there. Don’t even know. Now I’m not a great whistler. Okay. I’m a good whistler. Okay, what percentile do you think you are? I’d say 68%. Okay. You’re more than twice as good. That should be good enough. Well, it’s not about me being that much better than you. It’s about you being completely defeated at something. And not even in a competitive way. This is not about me. This is just about you isolated being bad at something and being okay with it. Okay, if you said, if you told me to whistle and I went Then I would be like, okay. That’s not a bad whistler. That is- That’s someone who can’t whistle. Yes. But I made whistle noises. You can whistle, and that did surprise me. Okay, okay, so maybe the whistle- I didn’t know you were even a whistler. Maybe the whistler that you thought I was is a bad whistler. And I said I’m a bad whistler, but there are whistlers who are much worse than me. Ha! I already said that. I’m on the bad half. If you’re in the 30th percentile of a whistle, you’re a bad whistler. That’s not what you said. No, I said that at least five minutes ago. Run the tape back. I said, “I am on the bad side of whistling, “but there are people “who are worse.” You said you’re not a good whistler. I’m definitely not a good whistler. I know that. I’m just stating facts. I’m not trying to change anything. I’m not the one who’s distorting the reality here. So you are a what? You want me to be a bad whistler. Yes. It is within your soul that you- No, no, no. I want you to admit to yourself what you are. Okay, here’s some other things I’m bad at. I’m bad at burning ham. I learned that this Thanksgiving. That was a quick lesson. I’m bad at liking soccer. Do you have a recommendation? Oh god. I just came up with three things I’m bad at. Being short, liking soccer, and burning ham. And you thought- You’re bad at saying you’re bad at things. And you thought it was gonna be difficult for me. Well, I thought we might talk more about this, but I’ll just make it my rec. “White Lotus.” Easily the best show on television according to me. It’s not as good as season one. I mean, that’s, first of all, I love it. And I really enjoy watching it. But that’s my take. Well, nothing’s ever as good as season one. I bet season three will be amazing. Season two is amazing. It’s kind of narrow in scope. And so, then if you’re like, it’s such, what… It’s an exploration of sex. I think it’s an exploration of fidelity. Fidelity but also like… Trust. But also… But sex separated from relationship too for some, like there’s a lot of different cases. You’re caught up? Yes. Yeah, definitely fidelity. But also like your view of sex that then leads to a definition of fidelity or not. Like, separating, like there was a conversation about the difference between being in love and companionship and affair. Like, I’m still trying to figure out exactly what it’s about, but I think it’s a little bit more than fidelity in my opinion. But it’s all within that world that like, I don’t know, it feels a little narrower than season one. So, it’s like every single character is, they’re all exploring the same thing. I didn’t think that was the case with season one. No, I think there was definitely a theme. You know, there’s like themes that run through each season. I thought there were more with season one. So, it’s like, there were… I’m not comparing, If I’m recommending this, I’m recommending that you start with season one. And you could also start with season two. Definitely. I just think that the way that the show explores a subject in the characters and the way that, I mean, I don’t know. It’s pretty great. As I get older, I just find myself having a more difficult time like watching, you know, fantasy stuff like “Game of Thrones” or “Lord of the Rings,” which I was more into, especially “Lord of the Rings.” And I’m not saying one is better than the other, but I’m just saying for me something about me getting older, I just find myself, I’m looking forward to the next “White Lotus” episode. Like, I’m going to be completely engaged the entire time. It’s very refreshing in that way. I don’t know. I do feel like- I love Mike White, man. I wanna meet that dude. In terms of comedy, yeah, for it to be a comedy first, dramedy I guess. And be so character driven and so location based, like, it’s just fun ’cause you’re on vacation when you watch it, you know? The main thing that’s, so do you- You’re in Italy. Do you watch it and then watch the thing at the end? Do you let the credits play and then watch the little thing that HBO does where the actors talk about something? Oh no. So, they’ll take two actors from the show, and then they, usually two actors that are connected on the show. So, like the granddad and the dad together or whatever. Oh, okay. Or the two couples, so like Aubrey and- Yeah. And the thing that always bothers me, and I don’t know why this bothers me, but it makes me feel duped, and it happens so often, is when you find out that a character that you’re like, “That dude is killing it in his character,” is just a British guy playing an American dude. Both husbands. Both husbands are British. What? Both of ’em! What? And it’s just like, I don’t think an American could do that. I mean, I know that Emma Stone was great or something. People think that. I don’t know what the English people think about this, if they think that Americans who play Brits are any good at it. Oh my god. How are they so good at like specific, especially the- Dude, they’re small. They gotta play by our rules. They gotta figure it out. The douchebag, the douchebag husband. England. How do they- It’s little. Come into this and then find the niche person that that guy is and so specifically nail it. Isn’t Daniel, Daniel Craig is, now I’m talking about “Glass Onion.” But he’s British, right? Yeah. And he is like, had this like crazy southern accent. There’s gotta be some social science theory about why English people are so well equipped to play different types of Americans, where Americans, and obviously American culture through entertainment has been exported in a much more significant way I think, so that like, we don’t really know like how you talk if you’re, I mean, okay, if you’re from Liverpool, you talk like the Anamaniacs. If you’re from, you know, Manchester, you talk a certain way. If you’re from London, east London. Like, you kind of know a little bit, but like I feel like more people across the pond know that like, oh, somebody from the south talks like this, somebody from New York talks like this, somebody from California. Like, I think maybe they’re just more familiar with it and so they kind of grow up with it in a more significant way. I don’t know, I’m trying to, like what- Because the thing I was telling Christy was that guy, like the, you know, the total dick. The husband. The douche husband. Yeah, the douchebag husband. That’s what I’m talking about. He’s British. Yeah. What I was trying to figure out was like, he’s so good at playing that character. Is that who he is in real life? Like, how close is, what’s he like in real life? Because- He looks like one. His look is so perfectly cast. But now that, I was like, this is so obvious. That’s the case with all of them though. Now what do you think about his wife? Do you think, because she’s so good at, everyone’s so good at their characters. So, you don’t know, you’re trying- Oh no, I looked them all up. I know where everybody’s from. Oh, you wanna know where she’s from? Like the strawberry blonde? Yeah, you think she’s British? No. She’s not. She’s just from Massachusetts. When she talks, just kind of just talks like- It’s not as funny as season one, I’m sorry. Did I say that it was better than season one? No. I said you’re not gonna like it as much as season one. I told you that going in. I’m not sorry to you. I’m sorry to Mike White. Don’t be sorry. It’s still- Why isn’t it as funny? It’s still… It’s great. It’s still wonderful. It’s wonderful. It’s still wonderful. But season one was one of my favorite seasons of a show. The reason it’s not as funny as season one is because there’s no one as funny as the dad in season one. The dad and the teenage son together. That was great. So, there’s a dad and a younger son this season, but they’re not funny. It’s like, it’s more intense. I like it. And I think I like it just as much, but it isn’t as funny. I just don’t, and, you know, the exploration of infidelity is a hurdle for me. It’s just not something that I like to be entertained by. So, it’s like when you, in season one, the thing when they were talking about white privilege and all those things, it was like, I was more engaged. Those things weren’t, I mean, they might have been prickly, and I might have been like, oh, this is like some of this hits home. So, it wasn’t- It’s not as relatable. It was uncomfortable. But this is, this makes, you know, it makes me a little uncomfortable in a different way. So, it’s like I have to overcome that. And I think that’s the big thing. Well, that’s what Jessie said the other night when we were watching it. This is becoming a long rec. We need to wrap it up. But she said, “I feel so, he’s so good at making me feel uncomfortable.” And we both were like, yeah, and that’s why this is so great. Yeah. It’s like, I feel so uncomfortable with the tension in this couple right now and the way that it’s so palpable. I don’t know. And I don’t know, if you’re not… I wonder how much being middle-aged plays into really enjoying this. So like I would couch the rec, but it’s not my rec. I’m not gonna couch it. I’m gonna say sit your ass on a couch and watch “White Lotus.” Ho! All right. Let us know what you think about all of this. You know, the lines are open. 1-888-EARPOD1. #EarBiscuits. I should have worn a hat. Well, no, you gotta figure it out, man. Baby steps. Hi, Rhett and Link. I have a bone to pick with Rhett about a comment that he made on last, well, the most recent episode of “Ear Biscuit.” Rhett said that the difference between a patio and a porch is that a porch is covered. I think that the difference between a patio and a porch is a porch is built or elevated off the ground and may or may not have a covering over the top of it, while a patio is a concrete pad that you step out or down onto out of your house. That’s it. Thanks, guys. Hey, Rhett and Link. Ross McIntyre from Cornelia, Georgia. First time listener, longtime caller. I was calling in response to the blue paint on the ceilings of southern homes. As I understand it, it has nothing to do with bugs or anything like that. It’s actually called haint blue, and it’s to ward off evil spirits, as weird as that may sound. Thanks. Keep doing what you’re doing. Hey there, guys. Long, long time listener to the podcast and your show. You guys have been there when nobody else was. Just wanted to say Spotify Wrapped came out today. And Rhett, your song, “Believe Me,” James and the Shame was my number two most listened to song for the entire year of 2022, coming in second only to the great Jason Isbell. So, I just thought I would let you know. So, you guys keep being you. And thanks for everything you’ve done for all of us. To watch more “Ear Biscuits,” click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous episode of “Ear Biscuits,” click on the playlist to the left. And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your Mythical best.