Welcome to “Ear Biscuits” the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Rhett. And I’m Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, I don’t know exactly. I can’t predict- Yeah, man. How you’re gonna react to this. We’re being caught off guard. Yeah, we are. We decided to submit ourselves to an experiment today to see how, I guess, in a way, how well we know each other, how well we can predict how the other person would react in a given scenario, a scenario that neither one of us knows what it is, what any of ’em are gonna be, because we’ve asked Jamie, our producer … Meet Jamie. Hello, everybody. Our producer. This is Jamie’s first time on, not a microphone in general, but on the “Ear Bisquits” microphone. And so, Jamie, you took some time to find scenarios, but also invent scenarios that you thought that we could attempt to predict the outcome of. Yes, and- Not the outcome. The response to. What the other guy would do. The response to, yeah. And I think, with these ones, there’s a bit of a thinker, but I think that there are fun scenarios that you guys could definitely immerse yourself in. It’s too early to think. It’s too early to think. No, but you do your best thinking in the morning. Not you. Thank you. But just people in general. Oh. The afternoon Yeah, that’s true too. When do you think the good thinking happens? Like, what was your perception of when the good thinking happens? Haven’t thought about it. I mean, I got up earlier this morning because the weather’s kinda wild here. 5:00 AM club? No, it was the 6:00 AM club. What, I thought you got up earlier than that. I haven’t gotten back into that yet. Oh. That’s still a residual thing from my shoulder injury. I haven’t got back to the 5:20 wake-up. Oh, yeah. Six o’clock is the earliest that I get up now. I’m a 6:00 AM guy right now. It’s amazing how the ripple effects of my game being thrown off. Yeah. But I was excited because it was supposed to be freaking snowing. Well, I don’t know if your wife was at home yesterday when it did snow, because- Just for like a little bit. Jessie got it on some video. I haven’t watched it yet, but she said, “The snowflakes were so big. And then, this morning, she gets ready to take Shepherd to school, and I get a text, or I get a phone call from her. This is, I mean, she’s just already calling me, but she misses me already. She was still at the top of the driveway, and she said, “There’s ice on my car. You think it’s okay to go down the driveway?” Because we got a steep driveway, and if there’s any ice on the driveway, it is gonna become a ski slope. Turns out no. She was fine. She was fine, she was safe. She was calling me just in case it was our last goodbye. I took Jasper for a walk, and it was not snowing, it was not raining, but then it started raining on the way back. Snow would be crazy in our neighborhood. It might happen. Like actual- It might happen tonight. Yeah, so I got up for that. I woke up multiple times in the night ’cause I was like a little kid, like- Ready to see snow? Yeah, but you can literally drive like 20 minutes and probably see like six inches of snow if you want to. I could, but I wanted to see it at my house. That’s a rare thing. Oh. You know? That would’ve been … I was excited, man. It’s happened one time in the 12 years that we’ve been in Los Angeles. I got- That I remember. I got both dogs outta the bed ’cause I was like, “We’re gonna walk around, and it’s probably gonna start snowing.” And they were like, “Okay, dad.” And after I peed and I turned around, I couldn’t find Jade. She’d immediately hidden under the bed. She’s like, “Yeah, I don’t wanna go outside.” “I can sense what’s happening outside.” So I reached way in there, drug her out, and just threw her back under the covers, and me and Jasper went for the walk in what ended up being rain, so. Could you have predicted that, that that’s what I would’ve done today? I don’t think I would’ve predicted that you would’ve awakened several times to anticipate snow. No. Well, that’s the … You gotta get on your A game if we’re gonna do this. Okay, let’s hear the first one. Okay. So this first one is gonna be something. What would Rhett do? So Link, you’ll be answering for this one. Okay, ’cause I’m not Rhett. ‘Cause you are not. However, in this first one, what would Rhett do if he woke up one morning and realized that he was now in Link’s body? What would Rhett do? Is that a “Freaky Friday”? It’s a “Freaky Friday”, but like half of it, ’cause you’re technically not Rhett. Right, yeah. Oh, good. Yeah. Well, where am I? And it would be a Wednesday. What happened to me? You’re like asleep in the back corner of one of those lobes in your brain. Oh, really? So he’s possessed me. Yes. He’s possessed me, and I’m just … I’m nowhere. I’m getting the wrong end of this deal. Like I can’t even tell you about it. Everybody thinks that I still exist, but I don’t exist, because it’s you possessing me. You’re formulating what you would do? Yeah. Yeah, ’cause I don’t want anything I say in my prediction to inform- Yeah, I’m gonna come up with what I would do in general, and then we’ll see how well you do this. Okay. This is … I mean, you said, “Wake up in the morning,” so this- Yes. It starts off really awkward, ’cause you’re in the bed with my wife, and she thinks it’s me. Well, just so you know, I didn’t think about that. Okay. Until you just brought it up. Well, I mean, Jamie said, “You wake up in the morning.” Right, yeah. So I’m glad you didn’t think about that. I mean, all I do is get outta bed. But you could have done anything you want. What would you actually do? Let’s get real about this. I wonder if you would just be shocked. I think- No, I wouldn’t be shocked. Did he expect this? Was he told the night before, this is gonna happen? Because that’s a shocking thing to wake up in another man’s body. Trust me, I know. Yeah. Been there before, I see. I think … Yeah, let’s just assume there’s no shock, like you just … Or you got over it quickly. But, well, you would be pretty damn shocked. I think you would … The main thing would just be feeling the parameters of a six-foot person. Like, you haven’t been six foot since you were in third grade. No, probably- Fifth grade. Fourth grade, probably. Yeah. And it’s- Yeah. I think- It’s funny that’s the first thing that you think about. I think you … ‘Cause I know the first thing you do is you get up and you stretch. You prevent injury by stretching your too-long body. That’s not the first thing I do now. It’s the second thing I do now. Oh, really? Well, I hope it’s not Twitter. No. Okay, good. You know the first thing I do right now. Morning prayers. I get in the ice bath, man. That’s the first thing, and then you stretch after that. I ain’t got no ice bath. And I do stretch, but I don’t need it as much as you do. This is tough. I think that … I think you would … I think you would still stretch, ’cause I think you would be exploring your new body. It’s like, “What does this body feels like? Wow, it’s a lot more vibrant and held together, and has so much more potential. Like, I just feel like it’s just brimming with physical potential. What can I do with this body today?” And of course, everybody- That’s an interesting take, I would say. Yeah, that you would think the first thing that I would think when I was in your body is that I was brimming with physical potential. Because that has been demonstrated time and again on the internet. Well, that I haven’t realized. Okay, yeah. So maybe you’re thinking, “Oh, I can realize-” Maybe with my brain in your body, you’ll actually do things well. Right. Well, just realize my full physical potential. Okay, so far, you’re not right about anything. Just so you know. I think it’s something- Just checking in here. I just thought it had to do with like- I wouldn’t stretch. The pains in your own body, because- Sometimes, I- Like, what are you jealous about that I have that then you could now find yourself experiencing firsthand? I think you’re focusing a little bit too much on … I mean, I wouldn’t stretch because- It’s a new body. If I wake up and something is wildly out of the norm, in my current life, I might skip stretching. I mean, we’re talking- Okay. Once every two months. Being in my body, it falls in the category “Wildly outta norm.” Yes, right. And you’re gonna take advantage of not having to stretch, because if you ruin this body, it ain’t yours. How long is he in the body? Just a day. Oh, a whole day, though? I’m not gonna go through a whole freaking day of what you would do in my body. I think you would go shopping. ‘Cause you complained so much about not being able to find things that fit, and you’re like, “Every time you fit-” But why would I be buying clothes for your body in the future if I was gonna be in it for a day? Let me rephrase that. I hope you would go shopping. Okay, it’s not … I wasn’t thinking I would go shopping. You do have a specific thing that you’re looking for? Yeah, and I- There’s an answer? And I actually think that you can surmise this. I think that … I think you … Okay, yeah, I mean- I need some sort of hint, like what time of day? Are we still in my house? Are you out and about? I’m just saying that, like, the main thing, not the specific, like what’s the first thing I would do, but the main thing that I would do once I figured out that I was inside your body. Mm-hmm. I have a general idea as to what I would do, and it has to do with what we do. So you’d come here and … Who’s in Rhett? If I’m not in Rhett’s body, that’s the other question. Who’s piloting Rhett’s body? Rhett is kind of like on an autopilot mode. That is so weird. I mean, but you didn’t take that into account. You would come to work as me, and you would … I guess you would what, make some TikToks? Dude, I don’t know. Gimme another hint. I don’t wanna give up yet. Well … You would do “Good Mythical Morning?” Is that what you’re talking about? I think I would make it into content, is what I was going to say. Okay, you make it into content. And do you know what type of content? Well, first of all, regardless of- You would do a killer impression of you. Regardless of what we did, right? So regardless of … And blow people’s minds. Of what I did when I was in your body, everyone would just interpret it as, “Rhett and Link are making a ridiculous video.” In fact, this might be a good video for us to make, now that we’re just making videos that don’t have to tie into anything. Yeah. And it could be that … They’d be like, “Oh, Rhett and Link made this video where Link acted like he was Rhett who had woken up in Link’s body, and then Rhett was like on autopilot. They didn’t switch bodies. It’s this weird scenario. It’s even weirder than just ‘Freaky Friday’ ’cause it’s like half ‘Freaky Friday’.” Yeah. “And then it was like the day that this happened and what went down.” Is that Freaky Tuesday? And then, well, yeah. I mean, whatever day we decided to do it on. But if this was happening in real life, I would be thinking of all the things that I could do in a 24-hour period to prove to the audience that it wasn’t a joke, that I was actually inside your body. So- Right. What would be things that would prove that it was me inside your body? I mean … Would you try to prove that to Jessie? Because I can tell you- No. I can tell you that she would be very happy with that. Well, okay, now, I said that I wasn’t- That was just a joke. I wasn’t thinking about your wife when I woke up. It was just a joke. That’s not what I was doing. Well no, you’re not- So don’t bring my wife into it. It was an innocent joke. I kind of … In some sense, this is like when you- But a little bit of truth. Those scenarios where you wake up and you realize you’re an ant, and you think, “If I was an ant, how would I-” You’re talking about that thought … This is the “Thoughtful Guy” lyrics from back in the day. Yeah, but we didn’t come up with the scenario. This is a common thought experiment. If you were an ant, what would you do in order to get people to know that you are an ant? Mm-hmm. And is it even worth it? You know what I mean? Right. Because in the end, you’re still just an ant. Yeah, just make comedy out of it and be done with it. And so, I think it would be like, hey, we would forever be committed to what people were interpreting as a bit, which is, “They made a video one time where Rhett woke up inside Link’s body, Rhett was on autopilot, Link was asleep somewhere inside Link’s brain. And they made this video for a day, and ever since then, they have maniacally maintained-” Insisted. “The fact that that’s exactly what happened and it wasn’t a joke.” So maybe we should do that anyway, is kind of what I’m realizing. All right. ‘Cause that is what I would do. Okay, let’s do it. Creating content. So were we right? No. Yeah, that’s what I thought. No, I’m kidding, I did not. I mean, no. I think that you- I was not right. You did not properly- No, I didn’t think about content. Anticipate. I didn’t think about content. Speaking of content, before we get to the next one, you’re making content regularly with your dad on a podcast called “Dispatches From Myrtle Beach.” It’s my dad’s podcast. I’m just along for the ride. Right. Trying to ask clarifying questions and answer the jokes that he puts forth to me. It’s a good time. It’s 30 minutes every Tuesday, and there’s a YouTube channel, “Dispatches From Myrtle Beach,” so you can watch us talk to each other every Thursday. Please subscribe to “Dispatches From Myrtle Beach.” I think it’ll give you a nice little something to look forward to, like the potential of snow. And it’s like, “Oh, Link’s talking to his dad again. What’s his dad gonna say? What joke is Link’s dad gonna tell from the emails that he’s gotten that he doesn’t understand the punchline?” Right. “And Link doesn’t understand some of them either.” Yeah, well, he is his son. Yeah, like father, like son. We have a good time, we connect. I’m still learning stuff about my dad. That’s the beautiful thing about it. And there’s a YouTube channel. That’s what I said, yeah. Thursdays- And we can watch it. And we can watch it. Yep, I said that. Youtube.com/Dispatches- FromMyrtleBeach. FromMyrtleBeach. FromMyrtleBeach, yeah. Myrtle has a “Y” in it. Yep. By the way. It’s not spelled like turtle. And if you wanna email him, you can do that. ratherbeshaggin53@aol.com, that’s his email address. Okay, let’s … Gimme a Link scenario. Okay, and so, I’m starting these off like we’re gonna build to some better, greater things. So we’re starting off, these are like- This one sucks, is that what you’re saying? No, it’s not that it sucks, it’s just I feel like these ones are more like one small variable change, if that makes sense. Okay. So this one is, what would Link do if he was given the power to be invisible for one day? Okay, oh yeah, I have to think about this. I have to formulate my own answer. Huh. So you’re saying nobody can see me. Nobody at all. Can I pass through walls? Well, that would not be invisibility. Yeah, you can’t pass through walls. Yep, I can bump into stuff still. Yes. Okay. You can interact with the scene world. And you’d have to be nude, because that’s how invisibility works. Okay. Only your body’s invisible. You can’t even have glasses on, so take that into account. Oh gosh, so I’ll have a headache. Yeah, you have contacts you can wear? Yeah, but the- I mean, they’ll be floating in the air, yes- But they are They’re very hard to see. That’s quite a risk. I think I have a really good answer for this, by the way. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to get as specific as I want to, but I have an answer that when I tell you the answer, if it’s not what you’re thinking, you’ll be like, “Actually, that is a good idea.” Okay, I got my answer. And I would go so far as to say this is the correct answer for anyone if you find out that you’re gonna be invisible for a day, okay? This is the answer that you should give. I think I have a really good plan. Okay, if you’re invisible for a day, I would hope that you would use it to gain access to something that you otherwise could not gain access to. Right, so stuff in the area of playing pranks on people or like scaring people, I know people like to think of that kinda stuff, but that’s like low-frequency thinking. You gotta get past that. High-frequency- Do you think I’m thinking about that? I don’t know. I hope not. So- Why would I … You think I’m a prankster? You like to mess with people. You do like to mess with people, so that may have been the first place your mind went, but- I will tell you that. For your sake, I hope it was not the case. I did not formulate an answer for entertainment, I formulated an answer based on what I would actually wanna do. Personal enjoyment, yeah. And- Not even enjoyment. I just answered the question sincerely. Okay, so I think that … And of course it’s gotta be somewhere that you can get in a day, so it’s gonna be somewhere in the Los Angeles area. And I think, because … I think you would select a interesting person that you kinda wanna know more about, like some artist or somebody that you’re like into, and you would get into their house. Oh, God. You think I would snoop around someone’s, like, Hollywood Hills mansion? I don’t know, man, like- I’ve seen a lotta pictures of Quincy Jones’ house. Yeah, like- From an architectural standpoint, I am very jealous of his house. I think you would wanna go- It’s a cool house. to a house where something might happen that you would be like, “Man, this one time, I got invisible and I snuck into Frank Ocean’s house, and like …” You know what I’m saying? Like, yeah. He is quite mysterious. That’s what I think that you should do. In general, I think- I don’t know who that would be. Gaining access to something that you otherwise couldn’t gain access to. And of course you gotta get- You’re right about that. You gotta get in and you gotta get out. You’re right about access. My answer- Hold on, let me get … Okay, let me think about it a little bit more. So it’s not about going to somebody’s house. Okay. There are a number of places in Los Angeles- It is about gaining access to something. Okay. That otherwise I couldn’t get access to. Another good option would be the zoo. Okay, if you can be invisible at the zoo, that could be awesome. So you can be in the enclosure? Yeah, ’cause I believe- I know my religion dictates that I like to connect with animals, but- No, but think about it. I believe that you could pet, you could probably pet a lion and then get away from it. Do you think … No, you couldn’t. You think a lion’s not gonna snap before it decides if it can see what it is? It’s called reflexes, man, it’s a cat. A sleeping lion. Hey. Maybe then don’t go for the lions first. Maybe get in with like … This is not the answer. The bonobos. You are not on the right track. Okay, so it’s not the zoo, it’s not somebody’s home. It’s not physical access. I’ll give you that hint. It’s not physical access? The access that I can get that I wouldn’t otherwise get is not physical in nature. Well, that’s a strange thing to say, unless I’m just completely missing what, you are a physical being and you’re invisible, so going someplace that you won’t be seen- Mm-hmm, yes. Is physical access. To gain access to what that’s not a physical location. To gain access to like a different way of being? What do you mean? Do you want me to answer? Yeah. Information. Okay. And I decided to invest the limited time I have as an invisible to learn what people think about me, really. Like, I wanna put myself in positions where people- Gimme an example of this. Like, every relationship that I have, I’m talking work relationships, friend relationships. I mean, it was a quick answer, so don’t pick it apart. No, I think this is a good answer, but I don’t know practically how you’re gonna accomplish it. I’m just gonna start, I’m just gonna shadow people. What if you pick the wrong person at the wrong time and then don’t say anything? Yeah, I have to do some things to like, I have to plant things that make people- I think I got a good way to do this. I can call people on the phone when, like- You can text people or call people, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I can be in a meeting, I can like … You know how, when the principal of the school would sit in, in the back of the room, and the teacher acted totally different? Hmm. Well, what if the principal was invisible? That’s the best way to give an assessment of a teacher. You’d have to do something- I’m going into meetings. To get people talking about you. So, like, make like a … Make a typical Link request of some kind of someone. I’m gonna go to the, like the GMM writers’ room, and I’ma sit right … I’ma just sit right there in the corner. But what are you gonna- And then I’m gonna start texting people in the writers’ room. You can’t text somebody, ’cause your phone would be floating. You gotta text before you go into the room. You gotta find a location that no one can see you, and you gotta break your phone out, and then you gotta text, and then you gotta go … Then you gotta quickly- Yeah. Get into the writers’ room. Yeah. So you gotta find multiple locations or else you’ll just be a floating phone. Like, I would text Carney, like, “I have this idea of something I wanna do on the show,” and it would be just something dumb. Yeah. And just something like bait people to start talking trash about me. Mm-hmm. And then he would go into the room, and I would be in the room, and he’d say, “Guys, stop what you’re doing. I just got an uncharacteristic text from Link. I don’t know why he’s texting me, but he has this idea, and he wants us to do it. What do you guys think?” And then I just wanna see what they actually think about me. And then I feel like I know what Christy thinks about me. I don’t feel like it would be fair to spy on my wife. But I feel like you probably also could predict- I don’t know. What all these people would say about you- Yeah. Without you being there. Yeah, maybe there’s not that much to learn, and maybe it’s only … Maybe I don’t wanna learn it. And isn’t this just like reading comments, in one sense? Yeah. Like, you can find out what people think about you real fast. Yeah, and like- And after many years of that, I’ve chosen not to read them. We’ve learned to not do that. I guess I take it all back. Yeah, because I actually- Haven’t I learned my lesson? I actually- Why am I doing this? I actually enjoy having a self-image, like a positive self-image. Right. Not an other image. Yeah. It’s a self-image. Yeah. It’s what you think of yourself, not what other people think of you. Yeah, so this kinda undoes everything that I’ve been saying. Yeah, so what about Frank Ocean’s house? Yeah, you’re right. Or I mean, who, if I … Who’s house would you go to? Well- And you could be there for an evening, like a Friday evening, there’s a party. I guess the Kardashians. I mean, there’s so many of them. Really? It’s like fish in a barrel. I wanna have a high concentration of people. Yeah, but they already have a reality show about them. That’s true. You know what I’m saying? Man, you put me on the spot. Jamie put me on the spot. I mean, like, who’s super- How come I’m the one who’s wrong, and it’s me, and you’re the one who’s right? I’m trying to help you with this. Who’s super private and would never let anyone- Frank Ocean is like a really good example. Yeah, who is like, they’re gonna do something weird that you’ll never forget. And I don’t mean like you’re sitting there in the shower, waiting for them to take a shower. I just mean like fly on the wall where something interesting is happening. I mean, if I could get anywhere at any moment, I would go to a senate intelligence meeting about UFOs. Oh. Because I wanna know exactly what they really think, and what they’ve really seen, and what they really know. Something like that. But I can’t get to DC in that time, and they gotta be meeting, and they’ve gotta be … It’s not gonna happen, probably. And you’d have to buy a ticket. It’s gotta be like an entertainment personality, most likely. You’d have to buy a freaking … I mean, you could try to sneak on the plane, but if it’s fully booked, you have to buy a ticket, and then you have to wear a clothing that covers every part of your body. Like, you gotta bandage your face like The Invisible Man did. Well, I could help you. And then, once you get off the plane- I’d put you in my carry-on. Oh, you’re … I’ll help you. You’re in on this? Yeah. I thought you were on autopilot. Yes, that was the first scenario. So you can come to me and be like, “Hey, I’m invisible. I need to get to DC. Put me in your carry-on.” ‘Cause I don’t think I can put you- These are so fantastical. I just, I can’t … I can’t take this seriously. This’ll never happen. Okay, let’s try another one. Okay, what would Rhett do if he can plant one false memory into the minds of everyone at Mythical? What, oh! Ho! A false memory into every employee? Yeah. Okay, I’ve got one. Yeah, I think … I think it would be the time, and no one would be able to forget it, where everyone was here, everyone was back in the office, every single … Like, it’s one of those … We have these meetings once a month where, well, right now it’s still kinda remote. People are still calling in from home. But let’s say everybody came in for, let’s say it was a Mythical party. That’s the one thing we can get everybody to show up for. Right, okay. The freaking Mythical party. True. So we’re throwing a Mythical party. You remember when this happened. This was like a few Christmases ago. Everybody remembers it. Remember? Oh, yeah. And we were at this place, and it caught on fire. And I know it’s a bit morbid, but everyone was trapped. Hmm. No one could escape except you. There was a barricade, and then everybody had to get out, and then the only way that you could get everybody out is by sacrificing one of your fingers. And you opened the door, or whatever the barricade was, and you saved everyone’s life at Mythical, and then … But I was oblivious, let’s just say. You’re throwing me under the bus with this memory. And then I was the last one you … And, like, everyone’s accounted for, and then you realize, “Where’s Link?” And everybody’s like, “Where’s link?” And then you run back into the burning building, and you rescue me and your finger, your severed finger. ‘Cause I gotta put it back on. You gotta put it back on, and then- Perfectly, by the way. Yeah, well, it’s under that ring. Under the ring. That’s my wedding ring. That’s the severed spot. Yeah. And so, you’re carrying me out like- “Backdraft.” “Backdraft.” Yeah. And everybody’s … It’s seared in everybody’s memory. Oh, literally. Yeah. That no matter what, no matter how much of an asshole that you are. And I’m not, for the record. But you could be now, because there’s just no erasing that. And you’re weeping. Okay. You’re weeping. Yeah. And you give this speech that’s like, “I would … I’d go back in that building for any of y’all again right now. Anybody wanna go back in? I’ll go in, and I’ll get you back out.” And then a few people tested you on it. Stevie’s like, “Really?” And she runs back in the building, and there you are, toting her back out. This is quite … You know what, this is exactly what I was thinking. Even down to the Stevie running back in. You become the hero, and you’re … But the weeping part is important, because it’s like there’s … You’re not just a physical hero, but you’re an emotional hero. Here’s what you’re right about. It was about implanting a memory that would make them think better of me, but not- Than they currently do. But not specifically me, but us. So just so you know- Oh! It was so we could benefit from this. Okay, thank you. And it was … I need to work on the specifics, because if it’s too crazy, then they might expect it to happen again. But I would want them to have a memory of like, that month when everybody was working on too many things, and then Rhett and Link came into the studio, and then we were like, “Everyone is working so hard, and we know that you’re all making this sacrifice, and because of that, we’re all going to The Bahamas for a month.” You know what I’m saying? Like, something that created this incredible memory. And I can put a bunch of different memories. It was like, “The Mythical month in The Bahamas, and it was awesome.” I am realizing as I say this now that it makes it seem like it has to happen again if things get crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I wish you could see my face right now. I was just like, “What?” Yeah, but if that was … If you believed that that had happened at some point- Oh yeah, awesome. You’d be like, “Man, they’re great. They’re great bosses.” Now, first of all, I do, I think we are good bosses, and- But we’re not Bahama bosses. And as much. And as many, like, fake rants as have been released on the internet, which, literally, every single time we do this, at least 14% of the audience thinks that it was legitimate, and then another 14% of the audience thinks that, “Oh, well, this is probably how he actually really is.” You can ask any Mythical employee, we have never yelled at any of our employees under any circumstances- Nope. In the decade or so that we’ve had a big team. But- I probably have. Have I ever- Yelled at somebody? I have no… I don’t really … I’m not a yeller. We’re not … This never happened. No, I haven’t. The only person I’ve ever yelled at on the job- Right. Is that guy on the- “Just Being Honest.” “Just Being Honest” tea, the Wendy’s shoot. Yeah- The only time I’ve ever yelled at … I don’t yell at people … He’s what they call a day player. He was- Much at all. He was a contract laborer, and he was not doing what he was contracted to do. But his ass was hanging out. I will tell you that. Yeah, I mean, should I tell that story quickly? I mean- Sure. So … You should. We were working on that video, the “Just Being Honest”, and if you recall how that music video works, there is a projected environment behind us, and the camera is swish-panning between these two environments. And the original plan was that there would be some sort of technology where the camera … Filming us in front of the screen- Could basically … The camera could move, and then the perspective that you see on the background, so this is like Mandalorian-type stuff, would actually be in sync with the camera so that it feels like a much more immersive environment versus just a rear-projection environment like we did on the- Right. The “Textpert” video. Like, the environment being projected on the screen, the parallax would change. Yeah. The angles would change when the camera would move filming us so it would really be immersive. And this was a … this was a big job. This was a corporate, like… Wendy’s was paying us to do this, the ad agency for Wendy’s, like major ad agency, is actually gonna be there, and they were scheduled to show up at a certain time when we were getting ready to actually shoot. But of course we got there really early, we’re setting things up, we’re trying things out, and this guy who said that he could do this had been a little bit wishy-washy in the days leading up to it, but he was like, “Oh yeah, I can do it.” Long story short is- Hours and hours- An hour or two passed, and he was having technical difficulties, and we would check in with him, or Stevie would check in with him, and he would say, “I’ve got it, I’m gonna do it, it’s gonna be fine. I’m gonna have it.” And every single time we would check in, he’d be like, “Yeah, another 15 minutes,” or whatever, and then another 15 minutes and another 15 minutes. And this client is getting closer and closer to get here. And yes, he was- The boiling point was raising. He was bending over the whole time and four to six inches of his ass crack were just showing, just hanging out the whole time. And that’s not why I got mad at him, okay? And I didn’t even reference that in my rant. It didn’t help. But it was highly unprofessional. What he needed to tell us is that he was not going to be able to do it so that we could move on, get things in place. And I just snapped. And I don’t think … It wasn’t … I think the loudest I got was, “There’s a group of people here, and we have been waiting, blah, blah,” like this, and I said, “And you keep telling us you’re gonna get this fucking thing to work.” I dropped the f-bomb, and that was, that’s like eight, nine years ago. Like, I didn’t typically … I don’t drop the f-bomb in public very often at all, but I was like, “I need a strategically placed curse word to communicate this.” And like, after the rant, everybody was very quiet. He sort of like sheepishly … I mean, his ass was still hanging out, but he sheepishly just sort of like said, “Okay.” and then he admitted that he could not solve the problem, he was not going to solve the problem, and we moved on. And that’s why, in the video, it’s just rear projection, and it ended up being fine. Me over there on the side, I was just like … And I’ve never done that, and I don’t want to do that. And that’s the only time where it felt like, “Bro, somebody’s got to call you out on this.” Yeah, I’ve never yelled at anybody. Definitely not like that. And I wouldn’t- I thought it was hilarious. I wouldn’t yell at any one of our actual Mythical people like that. Oh, yeah. I would pull them aside, but he was just- Ooh, yeah. He was next level. You should’ve pulled him aside. It should’ve been a private meeting. You think so? Yeah, you didn’t have to bring shame into it. Well, okay, if I had to do it again, I would’ve grabbed him by his underwear and pulled them up at the bottom, and moved him into the hallway. So what did we decide? Where did we leave off on this one? It was both about making us look good. You were “Backdraft” situation, I was Bahamas. Oh, okay, yeah. So, but they start with … Both start with a B. “Backdraft” and Bahamas. Yeah, both start with B. “Backdraft” and Bahamas. Give me another one. Okay. What would Rhett do? Oh, this one’s for Rhett, for, “What would Link do?” Oh, yeah. Yes, okay, so what would Link do if he had to filibuster in front of the city council to delay them from making a vote? Filibuster, you can filibuster a city council? Yeah, you can filibuster any government council, I think. Well, maybe not the Supreme Court, but … Yeah. Okay, it’s good to know. I think I have an idea. I think I have an idea. Now, a lot of people, when they’re filibustering- They read a book. They’ll read something. And so, I immediately knew that you would not do that, okay? Yeah, I ain’t gonna read nothing. ‘Cause you’re not a reader. No, but this- I’m pretty good at reading out loud. It’s not original enough for you, okay? Like, from all those years of growing up in the church, and everybody was called on to read aloud. Yeah, you gotta get ready to read. Like, you had to get good at that. You gotta read in front of a group of people. You gotta read in front of a group of people. So I’m pretty good at reading aloud, but I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that because I- Well, I’m gonna tell you what you’re gonna do. Don’t tell me what you’re gonna do. Oh yeah, I keep forgetting. I just wanna tell you, man. Speaking of comments, I did … Somebody was talking about something that happened on “Good Mythical Morning” the other day. And whenever I hear somebody … Whenever I see somebody on Twitter or whatever talking about something that they enjoyed from an episode, I’ll go to that episode, and that’s when I kinda look through the comments, because I’m like, “Oh, people are enjoying this,” I can kind of participate. Okay. And it was something where people were talking about how often you forget the rules to the game that we’re playing- Yeah. And forget what it is that you’re trying to do on the show, and how entertaining it is to people. And that is just happening right now. I just feel like it’s just not worth it. It’s not worth it to really know what’s happening. Yeah, I definitely agree as someone who competes with you regularly on the show. The less you know, the better. So you need to tell me what you think I would do, because I’m me. Yeah. And if I tell you what I’m doing, it kind of defeats the purpose of this exercise. So, interestingly, so I will go ahead and say that we are very much in sync right from the beginning, because before you said the thing about the reading, I was gonna say, “Typically people read a book, and you wouldn’t do that.” And that’s exactly what you said. So, right off the bat, perfectly in sync. Yep. So this is where it gets tricky. I think that you would start telling stories, okay? And I think that you would tell … You would start with early childhood stories, and you would tell stories about, you’d be thinking like, oh, I’m gonna, I’ll start with, like, Miss … Is it Mrs. Dean? Is she the one that took care of you? Loretta, you gotta go all the way back. Okay, you would go back to one of those stories. Mrs. Dean was like the orange poop guy, right? No, that was Loretta. That was Loretta? Yeah. So you just start telling funny stories like that and kind of embellishing them, and you would just sort of … Because you would be like, I have to have a plan to kinda get through this day, so I’m gonna go back to the beginning of my life, and I’m gonna start telling stories, and I’m gonna kinda just do these extended, overly detailed sort of flashbacks throughout my life until it’s time for everybody to go home. Lunchtime. I think that’s what you would do, because I don’t think you would just do impromptu, off-the-top-of-your-head storytelling, ’cause that’s very intensive, and it’s harder to do that. It’s harder to do that for an extended period of time. When you’re calling on- You gotta access something. The raw material of your life, it’s easier, and you kinda … Yeah. You would turn that into entertainment. People would be like, first of all, this is very weird, right? And then there might be a couple of times where you began to, like, you got weird ideas ’cause you were getting bored with your own self of telling these stories, and you would lead people in weird songs and get everybody to clap together, and you’d do things like that. That’s my answer. That’s pretty good. The part that you’re right about is, I wouldn’t read a book. Yes, we already established that. I would also, and you didn’t say this, but I think it’s implied that I would just start talking, and then people would assume that I’m saying something pertinent, like, “What is this guy getting at?” ‘Cause some people start their case in front of a school board or whatever with- An anecdote. “You know, when I was four years old …” And they’ll say, “Oh, okay, he’s got a backstory.” I did not think about it that way. Honestly, if I’d have had a long … Maybe this way’s better. Maybe I should do it this way. Maybe, once again, you’re changing my mind. Okay, well let’s see what you really would’ve done, though. Well, I just had to pull from what I’ve done in the past. So I went back to rehearsal dinner, my wedding rehearsal dinner. This story’s been told, where I just, I decided to single out each person who was attending my wedding rehearsal dinner and tell them how much I appreciate them individually, starting with people that I didn’t know that well. Right. Including people that I didn’t know at all, because once I got started, I felt like I had to acknowledge everyone in the room. But you’re kinda starting with a city council that you probably don’t know. I’ve done some research, though. I’ve got a dossier, it’s got a picture, it’s got their name, and it’s got a little something about ’em. Okay. And so, yeah, I’m going totally freewheeling on this thing, but I’m making personal connections with each person on this council. Okay. And so, just wherever it goes. So yeah, I might go back to a story of … when I’m a little kid, but it’s directed at this person, and then it’s directed at the next person. Like, there’s nowhere to escape. Yeah, that would be uncomfortable. “I’m talking to you.” “Balding Surname-” Yeah, that’d be very uncomfortable. “Jim Schmibitz. Jim Schmibitz, you have three children ranging in ages from three to seven. Wow, I feel sorry for you. That’s a tough to … I remember, I have three kids too.” There you go, make it personal. “And you know, when they were that age, it was difficult. There were still diapers around, there was … Once you have three, they outnumber you, unless … Yes, you’re still married. You’re still married, so yeah, they still outnumber you. If you’re divorced, if you’re a single dad, it’s even worse.” This is what I would be doing. Right, okay. But I would do it in a way that- This is a riskier endeavor. I think people would like me. People wouldn’t wanna stop me, because I would be making some sort of connection. Oh, “What is he gonna say about me?” Right. If you made it positive- Oh yeah, he’s gonna get to me. Yeah, but I mean, your little example that you just gave right there might make Schmibitz feel uncomfortable. ‘Cause I’ve done the research? Yeah, well, I’m just saying, like, you didn’t say- I’ve kinda stalked him? Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know. Yeah. It’s like Schmibitz- That’s gonna feel weird. It’s like, “I spent a lot of time in your house, and you did not see me.” “But if you look closely-” Yeah, you have a tendency to- “My contacts were visible.” Okay, so- That’s what I woulda done, but you know what? If I woulda really thought it through, I’d have done what you told me to do. But here’s the thing, this is the most in sync we’ve been, because- Yeah, that’s pretty close. We knew that we wouldn’t- That’s pretty close. You wouldn’t be reading a book. That’s pretty close. Good one, awesome. Okay, so this next one, what would Rhett do if he was given the task to travel back in time and alter a moment in history? Oh gosh, there’s so much history. How could I predict this? I think you might know the answer to this. So re-ask the question. What would Rhett do if he was given the task to travel back in time and alter a moment in history? Now, you can’t observe it. You have to alter it. You have to change the course of history. Are you taking that into account? Huh, I’m talking to you. I know, but I can’t answer that question without giving you what my answer is. I just need you to acknowledge that you’re gonna alter the course of history. We did an episode of “Ear Biscuits” during the pandemic where we talked about if we could go back to any one point in time and just experience it, just be a witness to it, and not change anything. To me, that’s different. But I feel like maybe your brain went back to that place. I can’t remember what your answers were. I remember that Jesus … The whole Jesus thing wasn’t the main answer, but that you acknowledged that. So that’s the first place I’m going, is that like, You would go back and you would save Jesus’ life. Which seems like a really good thing to do, but that would really screw up. That might be, yeah. That’d screw up a lotta history. Right, yeah. That might change everything. It might … Well, it would change a lot. I don’t think you would do that. Honestly, you wanna know the first thing I thought? Yes, I do. Is that you would go back to the point where they’re deciding about infrastruct … like they’re building city infrastructure, and then they would allow for fiber internet all across the world. I don’t know what even that … I don’t even know what that means, but I’ll bet you Rhett was thinking about having fiber internet everywhere on the planet. Wow, I can’t believe you got it. That was the first thing that popped into my head, ’cause I don’t … Neither one of us are history buffs, so I went in more of an internet technology direction. That’s interesting, yeah. But of course that’s not it. It’s all about fiber. I think you would go back to … If you go to anything really primitive, like the invention of controlling fire … I need some sort of a hint. Gimme something. Okay, so the reason I couldn’t answer your first question, which is like, you- Alter it. You have to alter it. So the way the question was phrased was, “What would you do if you were given the task to go and to change an event to alter history?” My first answer is, “Refuse the task,” okay? So that’s the first thing. Yeah, you got it. All right, man. ‘Cause I don’t wanna mess with history. Mm-mm. Don’t wanna mess with it. It’s a trap. Jamie has tried to trap you. Yeah. And so, then, if this … If the second … if you have to go back- Fiber? And then it is … So then, what I would be saying is, first of all, just by going back and observing, I am changing the course of history, right? I mean, I don’t really understand quantum physics, but it has something to do with the observation actually impacts the results. And so- I act different when people are watching me, sadly. And so, I mean, just showing up at any particular place in history, even the fact that my physical body would be in a place and crush a blade of grass potentially could have some butterfly effect that would alter the course of history. But if I were to go back, I would be thinking, “How do I have minimal impact beyond my observation?” But I have to do something to alter the course, I would say, “Well, me being here and standing here is altering the course of history, so task accomplished.” So then it becomes, “What thing am I going to observe?” Which is to where you were just at, right? Okay, all right. And I don’t remember how I answered that question before. I do think I said something about Jesus, because- That wasn’t your main one, though, if I remember. Yeah, ’cause it was something about, like … I mean, the reason I don’t think I would observe anything about Jesus is because I don’t think anything … I mean, personally, my best guess is that the probability that the things that people think happened about Jesus as recorded in the Bible, is what actually happened, is so low that it’s not like you’re gonna go back and actually see him resurrect from the dead. Like, you’re gonna go back and you’re gonna be like, “Oh yeah, it was this, and his body was thrown into a mass grave,” or what is- Where did you go, though? I’ve always been really interested … Well, I have two answers that are equal right now. One would be going back to something like the Great Pyramid, or maybe even more interesting, some of these, like Chichen Itza, like some of these pyramids in Mexico or Central America, and just seeing that a civilization do their thing, to know if it was just people just figuring stuff out or if there was something else going on. Like, was there an alien directing this? You really got aliens on the brain today. I mean, listen, man, just pay attention, bro. And the other one, But I still doubt that I’m gonna see aliens. I still think it’s gonna be like, “Oh yeah, oh, that’s how they did it. That’s how they did it, with this big lever.” Yeah, we did … That was part of that discussion. And then the other thing is, I’m really fascinated with early hominids, other- That’s why I was thinking about controlling fire. I thought you would go back there. Yeah, like- So see, I was on the- Our ancestors and the people who didn’t win, the people who didn’t get to be on the planet right now, all the humanoid people who would be really freaky to interact with, I’d love to just observe a group of those. And what I would want to do is see the most advanced version of a non sapien humanoid. But they couldn’t see you. I’m not invisible, bro. I know. You would have to make it, you’d have to hide. Yeah, ’cause I’d freak ’em out. Yeah. So that’s what I would do. And, but- It’d be like … There’ll be like carvings of you on the rocks. But a very close second to all that is fiber internet. Everywhere. I’d just put it everywhere. Just back to whatever point when they were making a decision about the infrastructure. I just think- Underground utilities. Actually, underground utilities. Underground utilities. No neighborhood is going to have telephone poles. It’s like, “No, no, no, no, no, no. Everything’s underground. Always underground. Just dig a trench.” “Dig a big hole.” “Dig a trench, guys. “Dig a big-” “No, no, no, no, no poles. Dig a trench. We always dig trenches.” Fill it up later. “That’s where it all goes.” “We’ll fill it up later.” “We only dig trenches.” See? And there’s lots of fiber in there. All right. We’re getting better at this. Yes, okay. I think we have enough time. These are big questions. These are big questions. I thought it’d be fun. You guys are creative. Speaking of aliens, what would Link do if he found an E.T.-like alien in his backyard one day? In my tool shed? E.T.-like? Mm-hmm. So, ugly but cute? Yes. Like a hairless cat alien? Yes. But cute? Yes. I have a pretty quick answer to this. Just instinctively strangle it to death. I mean … Don’t give your answer. I keep giving my answer. Sorry, how does this work? So what you can do, and I think- When you … But the problem is, you’re saying- The funny thing is- “I think I have my answer.” But I’m supposed to be saying, “I think I have my answer.” Here’s the thing. What we’re learning about you is that you have a really difficult time thinking something and not saying it, which we already knew about you, but it’s funny to see it in action, because the exercise you’re being asked to do is to think about something but keep it to yourself. And you can’t do it. No, but you triggered me when you were like- You just can’t do that. You were like, “I think I have my answer.” It’s like, “Okay, that’s what I was waiting for to say my answer.” Yeah. That’s how… That part, I know that’s how one part of this works. Yeah, so you consider the scenario, you think of the idea- That was kind of a joke anyway. Yeah, and that- My answer can’t be, “Strangle the alien.” And I’m saying … Yeah, and that- That’s just something I thought. And by the way- That was the first thing I thought, but it’s not- That’s not my answer. It’s not what I would’ve acted on. That’s not my answer. So lemme come up with what … The second thing I would’ve thought that I would’ve actually done. Sorry, E.T. And I think I’ve got a good answer here. I’m not a fan. I got a good answer. I’m not a fan. He should’ve been smarter. If he had more information … I mean, he didn’t reveal anything to humanity, did he? In the movie? Oh, no, he didn’t reveal much that I can remember. Okay, there’s an alien in my backyard, looks like E.T. I’m gonna think about what I would do, but I’m not gonna tell you. Yeah. Okay. First of all, it’s interesting that you said he wasn’t smart, right? Well, the way the E.T. behaved wasn’t smart. Right. Which actually, I think, makes the whole scenario that’s portrayed in E.T. so highly unlikely, right? Because if a being is smart enough to travel intergalactically, they’re gonna be way smarter than E.T. was. Well, we sent a dog into space. So, yeah. So the only possible scenario whereby which you would experience what we see in E.T. is if a greater intelligence had sent one of their lower lifeforms on a trip as a test, which, I don’t know the backstory behind E.T., but that makes a lot more sense than him being the intelligence species who came up with the travel mechanism to get to Earth. Yeah, he was just put on that thing. He is like the dog sent into space or the rhesus monkey sent into space. Mm-hmm. But my general answer, and then we can get into specifics, is that you would basically do something similar to what happened in the movie, which is- Hide him in my closet. Which is kind of behave like a child. No, okay, so what I mean by that is- Protect him from the government. Yes, some people might be like, “Okay, this alien is in my backyard. I need to immediately contact the relevant authorities, because whatever this means for our species and our civilization is greater than me just having a buddy in a closet.” But I don’t think you would think like that. I think you would think like Elliott. And I think you would make him an additional pet in your long parade of pets that you already have. I’d expand my religion to include aliens- Yes. In a pet way. And you would put him in that room that Brittany slept in when he lived with you, kind of a small, not really a bedroom. Yeah. And it would be the alien’s room. And- So we’re talking about Alf now. Yeah, you would basically Alfafize him, and it would be the kinda thing where you really, I mean, you would give him a great life, and you would also take advantage of the entertainment opportunities that this created for how interesting it would be to come to your home now for parties, and- “Hey, you wanna see something?” Maybe you would incorporate him into your DJ bit. “Hey, psst, you wanna see something, huh?” Yeah, I think- “Come back here.” You would do the, “You wanna see something?”- “You wanna see something?” Versus- “You got a quarter?” “I’ve gotta get this thing to the government.” I would only show it to the kids of the friends that came over. “Psst, hey, kid.” Yeah. “Hey, child.” Yeah, that’s not creepy. “Hey, little …” “Hey, kid of my friend you wanna come see something? Then gimme a quarter. I’ll show you this E.T. in my closet.” Oh gosh. It is an E.T. in the closet. Yeah, so what would you do, for real? Well, you kinda threw me off when you were like, “I know immediately what you would do.” And I guess that’s what you were thinking. I’m saying that you would not report him to the authorities, is what I was saying. Am I right about that? Right. Yeah. I wouldn’t do that. I would … First thing I would do is I’d call you. Yeah. I wouldn’t even show it to Christy- Oh, well, thank you. First. Right. I’d be like, “Well, this is now our problem.” Right, yeah. “What are we gonna do?” Yeah. I mean, I kinda have some thoughts. “He could live here. I could charge kids a quarter to look at him.” Yeah. That’s kinda the best thing I got. Yeah, and the scenario that I just kinda laid out, you hadn’t called me yet. It’s interesting that the evolution of how we’ve answered these questions is, I think we’ve both just tried to predict what the other person would do. Hold on, isn’t … That was the point from the beginning? Yeah. Yeah. Is that a joke, or is that how your brain works? No, what I was trying to say was, I ended up trying to … I thought that’s what you were gonna say, so then I tried to say what you were gonna say. Okay. Which is call you. Yeah. Because you’ve learned over the course of this thing that after I’ve heard your answer, I’ve been like, “Oh, your answer is better than my answer.” So what I’ve learned- Yeah. I learned my lesson. I’m just gonna call you. Okay, yeah. I’m just gonna call you about this stuff. And there may be a few other people I’ll call. I would get some sort of consensus. Yeah. I’d probably invite a few people from the city council that I connected with over. Right. And Frank Ocean. Yeah, “I was in your house earlier.” Right. If Frank can come on over- You would tell him something that only he knows about himself. Right, he could come on over and tell me what he thinks, and then it would be like a … I would take a vote. I actually do think it would be more personally fulfilling, and I think that, if we were to, you had a meeting of the minds, we may actually come to the conclusion that we weren’t going to give him up to the authorities. I’m saying my instinctive thing is like, “Listen, I don’t wanna do this to you, but I’m just thinking about things on a macro level here, and we’ve got to figure out what this means for all of us.” But that’s not as fun. It’s just thinking, “Well, what does this mean for us?” Right, I just don’t… Yeah, that is the first thing I thought, was, “I’m not just gonna turn it over.” But the thing is, is the moment that if we just said, okay, if we immediately turn this into content, it’s like, “Okay, let’s document this whole thing, and let’s turn it into some sort of art piece.” No one would appreciate that. First of all, everyone would think it was fake. Second of all, people would be like, “Why did you guys selfishly-” Right, pretty selfish. “Take this alien and turn it into content? Why didn’t you tell somebody about it?” I guess that’s what makes it such a good movie, is that like, it’s a kid making these choices. It only works if it’s a kid. There’s this emotional connection to this ugly but cute thing. Yeah, and the government is really represented in that movie in this really impersonal way. You’ve got the people in the suits, you can’t really see their faces, and it’s- It helps it. It’s very much like a threat to his safety. Do we have- It’s actually a great movie the more I think about it. Do we have one more? Do we have a lightning? I haven’t watched it in a long time. We have one more. Okay. Okay, what would Rhett do if he was at Jurassic Park and he had to cause a distraction to get past a velociraptor so everyone else could escape? Oh, he’s being a hero again. Hmm, “Backdraft”. So I gotta create a distraction. See, right now, I’m thinking, but I’m not gonna tell you what I’m- Right, don’t. You should be trying to figure out what I’m gonna do, though. Distraction for a velociraptor. They’re smart. At least, in the movie, they were smart. Create a distraction. So that everyone could escape. And that doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice yourself. Okay. I think you would get in that Jeep and you would, I mean, you would just be doing donuts, Jurassic Jeep donuts, simple. You gotta have a means to get away. I did not consider the Jeep. Okay. If there is a vehicle there … What did you do? I’m gonna get in the vehicle, so you’re right about that. I was just kinda picturing sort of like a … Maybe just because it’s, I’m thinking about “Jurassic World,” but I’m thinking- Did you do the bear thing where you take the shirt off and you put it … You still keep it on your arms so you come up big and you just . So I’m gonna say something really sinister, and dark, okay? Just fair warning. All right, great. Because my first- Hey, I strangled E.T. a few minutes ago. Because my first instinct was to sacrifice myself, right? I mean, if I have to be honest with you, it’d be like, I’m gonna- At least a finger. I’m gonna run at this thing and I’m going to let it just go to town on me. I’m a big person, it takes a while to eat me, whatever. And so, I think as this thing is devouring me alive like a grizzly bear starting with the bowels, I’m just waiting for people to escape. But on second thought, that’s not what I would do. So in this scenario, I assume that I- I don’t think if that was your first thought that you’ll have a second thought. What do you do? Let’s just say that I have … I know a thing or two about the people who are there, right? Because Jurassic Park is not like Disneyland. It isn’t the kinda thing where there’s 1000s of guests a day. Like, the group of people that you’re with, you probably know them or you’ve gotten to know them. I think it was on the Galapagos Islands is where it was. Background checks, all of that. Where was it supposed to be? Not Galapagos. I think it’s a made-up … It’s a made-up place, but it’s like, it’s a remote island, you were probably on a boat with people. I would find my least favorite person from the group of people that I traveled there with. Grab ’em and chunk ’em? No, listen, I would never admit this publicly, but I’m just telling you what I would do. And I would be like, “Richard, come with me!” Let’s just say his name’s Richard. And so, I’d get Richard and I’d be like, “We gotta create a distraction.” That’s what I would tell him. Yeah. He’d be on team distraction. “And you need to be a little in front of me.” And then I would suggest something in the moment, like, “Make yourself really big and let’s … Listen, we’ve gotta sacrifice ourselves for the group, for the safety of the group. Make yourself really big, and let’s both run at this thing.” And then, at the last second, I would stop and let Richard run right into him. You’d get back … “Guys, Richard didn’t make it.” Exactly. Hey, listen, Richard would go down in history. I’d be like, “Richard sacrificed himself. We were trying to figure something out, and Richard came up with this plan, “Let’s just run at it!” and I was like, “Okay,” and he just ran faster than me. And then once the thing just started biting Richard, limb by limb, that was when I left. And here I am.” “And boy, wasn’t he annoying?” “That was crazy.” And everybody’d secretly be thinking, “That’s awesome about Richard, but boy was he an asshole.” So- Gee whiz, man, you have- I’ve given somebody a story- That really undid your “Backdraft”. I’ve given somebody like an incredible memory, like, this guy lived his life as an asshole. No one liked him, but his final thing that he did- Yeah, but he took his seven kids to Jurassic Park. Well, yeah, and they can forever remember, “Dad gave his life for us.” Oh gosh. That’s what I do. All right. It’s hard to anticipate that that would been my answer, but it is. You’re back to net zero in terms of your personal reputation. I’m just being honest and vulnerable, man. I know, and it’s … Now you’re at net zero. And no one thinks highly or lowly of you anymore. I would get Richard to sacrifice himself. And also, over time, I would lie to myself and convince myself that what I said was exactly what had happened, because it’s really easy to do. It can be done. Yeah. Okay, let’s shut this down. Well, gimme a rec. Oh, I’ve got a great rec. And of course you can let us know your thoughts about this using #earbiscuits. You can call us and leave a voicemail with any analysis you have about this episode. We’ll play it at the end of another episode. 1-888 EARPOD1. As you know, over the new year, Jessie and I went to Mexico, and I’ve been to the Yucatan Peninsula before, but- Yucatan. I did not understand. I guess maybe I missed this the first time, but there is a particular preparation of hot sauce that they do with essentially burnt habanero peppers. So it’s like a black salsa. And we went to a restaurant and they had this … They brought like three sauces, and one of ’em was this dark black thing. Okay. And I tasted it, I was like, “This is incredible.” I like really smoky things and I like spicy things. And this was this wonderful combination of flavors. And then throughout our trip at other restaurants and then at the place we were staying, I kept seeing like this was a thing that was always available. And I think it’s like a regional hot sauce preparation that’s just black hot sauce. And so, I just kept thinking to myself, “I gotta figure out how to get this stuff.” And of course, all the places that I was having it, it was just like homemade. But I found a brand on Amazon, El Yucateco, that’s a Mexican company that has a number of sauces, but this is their black label reserve chili habanero hot sauce. And now, this is not for everybody. It is spicy and it’s not a safe normie hot sauce. Just so you understand that, right? This is like, if you want something a little bit different. If you wanna taste spicy soot- Yeah. Get this, is what it sounds like. If you like to challenge your palate, and that’s how you find enjoyment in it, and which is one of the ways that I’d like to, this stuff is incredible. It’s not as good as if you make it yourself, which I would like to figure out how to make it myself. But you bought this and you vouch for it? Yeah, it’s very good. $15. yeah, and that’s- For a bottle. No, for three of ’em. That’s a three-count. Okay. El Yucateco Black Label Reserve Chili Habanero Hot Sauce. Well, there you have it. All right, we’ll talk at you next week. Thanks for hanging out with us and our predictions. Hey guys, my name’s Mia. I’m like halfway through the “Weird Job” episode right now, and I had to tell you about this friend of mine in college who, his summer job was water slide inspector. So he would like harness up and repel down water slides to inspect their joints and stuff to make sure that everything was safe for the people going down water slides. One of the best things I’ve ever heard, honestly. I don’t know what that says about my life, but I love that for him. So thanks, guys. To watch more “Ear Biscuits” click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous episode of “Ear Biscuits” click on the playlist to the left. And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical best.