Welcome to “Ear Biscuits,” the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Rhett. And I’m Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are exploring t-t-t-t-t-toxic traits. I had to do a big landing, because that’s a heavy- Hopefully they manipulated it in post. Heavy term. So it sounded better. So yeah, we got a list of toxic traits, we’re gonna go through them, and you know, be prepared, you might feel a little tingle in your conscious that you have a little bit of toxicity in your life, and I’m sure we’re gonna feel a little bit of that. I’m not above a little toxicity. It’s one of these things- But we wanted to do it in a fun. Yeah, but also, using the word toxic in the way that people use it now, and then also using it to describe a trait, because we’re old, it’s funny to think about the fact that there was a big portion in our life in which this language did not apply. Like, people were these things, but people didn’t talk about them. Right. Before the internet and really before social media, people didn’t talk about all these things. You didn’t understand yourself or other people. I mean, I’m sure some people did. But the average person didn’t have all these labels, didn’t have all these ways of putting people into categories and also knowing, my friend has these things, I have these things. So because that’s the case, and I have never evaluated these things very deeply. Yeah, me neither. So I could not even have begun to make this list, so we just got this list from somewhere. But we’re gonna do it, we’re not just gonna go through and be like, yeah, I have that, you have that, I have that. We’re going to- Have some fun with toxic traits. A draft, so at some point we’ll figure out who’s gonna go first. It’s like an NBA draft. Yeah, this is like when we do those “Good Mythical More” episodes with Jordan from “Sporked” and we have to pick things that we want to put on a baked potato or whatever. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So we’re gonna list out these toxic traits and then we are gonna go back and forth and you have to pick the one that if you were building a character, a personality, and you had to choose some… They’re all bad, you have to choose some of them. Yeah. But you wanna choose the ones that you can justify as being, ah, that’s not really that bad, and by the way, along the way we might say, I think I actually have that, that’s why it’s not that bad, ’cause I already deal with that. Yeah. We’re gonna kind of build some personalities, and then Jenna- Yes? At any point, when we are considering a trait, you have the power to steal that trait. We’re gonna give you the power of stealing, how many times? Well, how many are there total that we have? There’s one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, Oh gosh. 18, 19, 20, 21. Good gosh! So we’re not gonna go through all. So if we each did 10- We’ll leave some on the table. What do you mean? Oh. Maybe we leave some on the table. But I’m saying- I’d like to force ourselves to take all of them. Okay. We have to take all of them, but Jenna has to take… Let’s see, if we each took 10, that would leave one. I’d rather take eight and leave- Five. Five for Jenna. Yeah. Okay, well, let’s take nine. Three. And leave three for Jenna. That way we’re not gonna stick you with too many toxic traits here. That’s okay, not all of my toxic traits are on this list, so- Great! I’m very aware of mine. Okay, well, that’s a good point that this is not an exhaustive list, because thinking that you can bond with wild animals and make them pets when you can’t is also a toxic trait. Are you talking about the people on TikTok that do that? Yeah, I read that, I didn’t even make that up. People admit to that. My toxic trait is thinking that I can be best friends with this fox. But have you seen when people do make best friends with foxes? I really like it. Like, I saw a guy… And listen, I do not endorse this, I do not recommend this. I don’t think it’s good for the fox. But I have seen people say, I think specifically with a red fox, hey, if you go up to a red fox, you can just start petting it, and there’s a TikTok, and the thing’s on its back making weird fox noises. Not a good idea. But makes a great TikTok. You can’t deny that. My toxic trait is touching baby birds in their nest. And you know what- It’s not, I don’t like birds. I just gasped at that one. Did you say you gassed? I just gasped. Oh, I didn’t hear the P. I think you can do that though. I was like, oh, Jenna just said that I made her fart. Don’t do that. No, you shouldn’t do that, but I think it’s a myth. I just gassed. It’s a myth that you the momma will abandon them, but you shouldn’t touch baby birds in their nest. That’s toxic. It’s toxic to call things myths, so that people will do it. Don’t do it. We have a responsibility here. Read through them. Okay. Damn, I didn’t know there were this many. They’re all pretty self-explanatory. So until we… Where’d you get these from, Jamie? Through many sources and TikTok. Okay, all right. A Medium article, a Happier Human article, and a Science of People article. We’ll go into the details of these traits when we pick them. But for now, let me just list them. Jealousy, being judgmental, phubbing, which is getting on your phone, it’s phone stubbing, getting on your phone when someone’s talking to you. When you’re physically present with someone- And then you get on your phone. And you get on your phone. Oh, gosh. Manipulative, ignoring boundaries, lacking self-awareness, perfectionism, toxic positivity, passive aggressiveness, I guess, arrogance, people pleasing, comparing yourself to others, anger issues, holding grudges, attention seeking. I can’t wait to collect these for myself, it’s like Pokemon. Victim mentality, instigating drama/gossiping. Uh oh! Hiding insults in humor, narcissism. Uh oh. Inflexibility, and overly competitive. Oh, gosh. Okay, whoever’s the least toxic between the two of us gets to go… No, we won’t do that. Who can spell toxic backwards. C-I-X-O-T. Who can spell it incorrectly but convincingly? T-O-C-K-S-I-C-K. T-O-C-K-I-X. I said T-O-C-K-S-I-C-K, tocksick. That’s pretty good. I get to go first. Okay. What did you say? I don’t remember, because you were talking at the same time. Speaking of at the same time. Oh, yeah. We’re doing our green T-shirt day with a little bit of a hue of orange. If you could be here in person, you would see just how different these greens are. But on camera, they look exactly the same. Let’s do a poll to see whose shirt is better. Matter of fact, we are doing polls. That’s a good segue. If you’re listening on Spotify, we have the capability to make polls, and then you can respond to let us know what you think about things, and the best replies get published to the episode, so other people can see what people are thinking. So it’s yet another way. You know, we got the voicemail, 1-888-EARPOD1. EARPOD1. You can use the hashtag, EarBiscuits to contribute to the conversation, and now you can do this on Spotify. Respond to a poll, let us know, and we will associate those best responses with the episode permanently. Permanently, wow, you become a permanent attachment to the episode. So you’re looking through the list, figuring out what you want. Okay. I got my first choice. Okay. Again I’m choosing the thing that I think is not that bad, or I’m trying to stick you with the worst things. Sure. I’m gonna start by drafting toxic positivity. Okay! I mean, how bad can that be? You have to put the word toxic in the description just so people will understand that it’s negative. Yeah, read the definition of this. So it’s more of a description. I’ll explain. “Always looking on the bright side “can actually be harmful. “Sometimes people wanna be sad, “and in their emotions, regardless of the severity “of the situation. “And always trying to get people to be positive “diminishes and invalidates that person’s experience.” True. So I don’t disagree with this, and I think I probably… I got a little bit of this in me when it comes to dealing with other people who are going through something. I never know exactly what to say to someone who’s sad. And usually what I do is I try to immediately help, right? So it’s just like, well, I’m sad about this, and I’m like, well, at least you’re not dead. Trying to get people to see the bright side, because that’s how I cope with some negative experiences that I have sometimes. I’m like, well, I’m having a bad day, but I can go on the internet and find a lot of people who are having a lot worse day than me. And I don’t know if it helps or not, it’s probably not healthy, but because I do that with myself, I try to do that with… Most often I think I do this with Jessie. Yeah. I do this with Christy, is what I was thinking. Whereas, she might want to be sad, be upset, and have someone be upset with her. Right. Or empathize with her, and I’m like, well, I mean, it’s not that bad, consider this. It never really works. But I think I’m saying, because I chose this one first, it’s not that bad. I mean, that’s not that toxic, someone who’s always trying to get you to look on the bright side. I mean, it’s not that bad. I mean, it could be worse. It couldn’t definitely be worse. See what I did there? See what I did? Me and Christy have this thing, you know, there’s certain points in your relationship when one or both people will be like, I feel distant from you. My wife’s never told me that before. And a lot of times- Can I have a pen? I’ll do that too, I’ll minimize it and I’ll start pointing to all the practical reasons. It’s not your fault, it’s not my fault, it’s just the circumstances. We’ve been tied up in this, we’ve been busy with this, we’ve been all over the place, so yeah. What you just said helped me realize that I just need to be like, you know what, I feel distant from you too and I hate it. I hate it. Well, that would be manipulative, which is another toxic trait. If you’re just saying it- Jenna, now’s your point where you can steal his toxic positivity, but it’s kinda early. That one seems too easy. It does. It might be manipulative. You are being manipulative right now. Right. It’s yours if you want it. I honestly do think toxic positivity is one of my toxic traits that I do, and I have been working on it. So you don’t need to steal it, ’cause you already have it. I already have it, yeah, yeah, it’s already mine. Great, okay. Okay, man. You know, I’m seeing manipulative, it stares me right into the face. It seems like if you’re manipulative, you get what you want. Boy, that would be nice. Okay. First of all, anything we say, I just want to give a disclaimer, anything that I say, just kind of like making not only light, but talking about a toxic trait as if it’s appealing, just you know, don’t wig out about it. It’s not that big of a deal, right, Rhett? You have to help me out here. Yeah, that’s right, Link. It’s just part of the game here. Don’t take anything out of context. People pleasing. I definitely don’t want anger issues. Like, who’s gonna get stuck with that one? Oh, gosh, this is obvious. I’ve gotta take attention seeking. I gotta take it. I mean, you know, somebody’s gotta take the attention, and I’m willing to do that. A lot of people don’t like attention. You know, it’s like I’ll take one for the team. I’ll take the attention, so that you don’t have to worry about it, you know? I’m helping maybe the socially anxious in any particular situation. Look at me, don’t look at the person who doesn’t want to be looked at. So I’m kind of the hero for doing that, right? Well, I mean, is there anyone in this business who’s not attention seeking, especially guys who have been doing it for their entire adult lives and still aren’t tired of doing it? Yeah. You know what I’m saying? It never gets old, does it. Entertainment is by definition attention seeking, and some people are like, I’m really good at this thing, but I actually don’t like when people watch. Well, we would be lying if… We want people to watch. We’re constantly… Like, we have whole departments at Mythical. We get it. We have people whose job it is to get people to pay attention to us. Like, not only are we working to get you to pay attention to us, we are paying people to get you to be interested in us. Yeah. Like, we are attention whores. You can cut that out and put it on TikTok. That’s why I said whores! ‘Cause I thought that would be a good way to end a TikTok. But what do I say in the TikTok? Well, nothing. Unless this is still part of it. So say something cool real quick. Say whores real loud. Hors d’oeuvres! Oh, you screwed it up. “Always needing to have the attention them, “having main character syndrome is another form. “They always have a better story, “got a better job, “or had a worse time, depending on the situation, “and they really can’t fathom that other people “that other people should have the attention “or that everyone’s motives don’t somehow involve them.” Ew, well, if you put it that way, it doesn’t quite have the ring-a-ding-dong that it did. Well, they’re all bad. They’re all bad, I’m just saying that you can justify why this one is somewhat better than the others. And I should’ve read this first and then ended on my rescuing the socially anxious from getting attention they don’t want, attention deferers. Yeah, I don’t think it’s about taking the attention off of people to help them. Well, that’s the best I can make of it. That’s mine. Well, what I’ll say is- I have it. Where I think that this can be positive is it’s often entertaining, that’s why people who are in entertainment… But then obviously the reason it gets toxic is when the attention seeking and the main character syndrome permeates every aspect of live and every interaction. Yeah, like nobody can get a word in edgewise. There’s no camera on us right now and we’re still trying to be whores! D’oeuvres! A little snack. Jenna, you wanna take that one? I don’t. I don’t like that one, no. I don’t want that one. Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I get it. Rhett, it’s your go again. I’m going to take… I think this is gonna be triggering, maybe it’s because I don’t relate to this, and this is so not me, that it seems… I’m gonna take ignoring boundaries. Lots of people talk about boundaries, and I think boundaries are great, maybe it’s because I don’t have a sense of it that much with my own boundaries, and I don’t feel like I’m a boundary crosser, maybe that’s why it doesn’t seem that bad to me, but, “Disrespecting boundaries is a major red flag, “whether they’re someone you recently met, “or have known all your life. “Setting personal boundaries is perfectly acceptable “as they help build respectful and meaningful relationships. “However, boundary crashes continue to cross the lines “established to guide their behavior “towards you and loved ones.” Now I think maybe another reason- I’m really interested that you chose this one, because this one’s gross. Because this one is… Like, with attention seeking, it’s like, okay, yeah, it’s annoying. This chap makes it all about himself, you know? I’m gonna justify it. But boundaries is really about getting in… You know, it’s like getting in somebody else’s… It really impacts the other person directly. It’s like getting all in their mess. Let me contextualize this, okay? So again, I think one of the reasons that I don’t quite grasp the seriousness of this is because I never do this. I don’t ever… I probably don’t get personal and vulnerable as much as I should sometimes, and so maybe I just don’t have much a barometer for this. But I’m thinking about if Jessie meets somebody and I come into the conversation four minutes after she has begun a conversation with somebody. There is a 70% chance that she has already told them significant life story stuff. Like, we might be seven minutes in and she’s talking about her former life as an evangelical Christian and he deconstruction, or whatever, and it’s interesting, because she’s such a disarming person that people are like, I love this! Like, people who get to know her are like, she’s telling me everything, it’s so interesting. And then this person opens up and says this stuff that you just typically wouldn’t say to somebody that you just met. And I think some people would say that’s crossing a boundary. I don’t do that. It seems like it would be crossing more of her own… The person who’s sharing, it’s oversharing. I think boundaries more of like- So I guess maybe you’re saying asking intrusive questions. Or like getting in somebody’s business, like if I’m like giving unsolicited advice or an opinion. Yeah, and I don’t do that. Maybe I should try to get Jenna to take this one. What is your understanding of ignoring boundaries, ’cause I’m thinking about like… People talk about parents, like if you are an adult child- Right. And your parents don’t respect your boundaries, that’s a big problem. Yeah, ’cause they’re trying to parent you. Yeah, I would think of that, but it’s also like, I see it as, boundaries that are clearly established. Like, I have friends who don’t like hugs, they’re not affectionate, and I’m one of those people who is, but they have voiced that they are not, so then that’s a thing to me of like, oh, they have told me that this is a boundary that they have, I will be respectful of it, and I don’t hug them unless I ask or say, “I really need a hug right now, “could you give me a hug?” And then it is on them of it they want to cross their boundary to then help me with my thing. Yeah, don’t go through somebody’s underwear drawer, you know what I’m saying. Yeah, yeah, I don’t want someone to do that. What if they don’t know? What if they never know? I’m just kidding. You took this one not understanding anything about it, and now I’m afraid that you’re really gonna cause damage. My lack of… I don’t actually have to take this one with me for the rest of my life. Oh, you do. That’s not how this works, Link. We have to do this until the next year’s draft. This is an annual thing. You have to exhibit these and prove it. My ignorance of ignoring boundaries caused me to make this my second toxic trait, and I’m immediately regretful. I’m gonna take lacking self-awareness. Because I already have it a lot of times, right? And I just feel like I know it can… Well, let me read it first. “Those who lack this trait…” Those who lack this trait? Those who aren’t self-aware, “can be the source of constant drama, “primarily because they’re unable to see “and take accountability for negative traits “that hurt other people.” I think you made a mistake, bro. I think you make a mistake. “Being self-aware “can be difficult for some individuals, “but techniques such as mindfulness can help.” The thing about being clueless of something, it’s more forgivable. It doesn’t have this heart of deceit. It has this heart of haplessness, and I think that, you know, it’s… It’s like you can still say, well, his heart’s in the right place, he’s just clueless, and so I’m gonna overlook it. So I think that that helps a little bit. It doesn’t seem like the worst of them. So it’s like, well- It’s not preplanned. Yeah, it’s not sinister. Right. But would you rather be not self-aware about their halitosis or their tendency to always… Going back to the attention seeking thing, always as soon as you tell a story, before you finish the story… You know, asking somebody something and then when you begin to answer it, they just start talking about the thing that they were thinking when they asked you the question, right? That’s something that some people do. Yeah. And that’s something that if you’re not self-aware of that… You know what I’m saying? Lack of self-awareness combined with another toxic trait is like a lethal combination. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it really powers it up. So it depends on what else you get now. The one-two punch of attention seeking and lack of self-awareness- You’ve done yourself in. Is wow, what a clown. I will be stealing this one. Oh! What? Okay. I would love to lack a little bit of self-awareness. I think I am a little too self-aware, and sometimes it is very exhausting, and being a little less self-aware sounds really nice. I totally get that. Okay, yeah, I get that. It’s almost like a little bit of weaponized incompetence. I would like to not- Weaponized incompetence. I would like to just not have to do it. You know about that. Holla! I mean, I think that you can get there, Jenna, ’cause I think I used to be very self-aware. I’m a lot less self-aware than I used to be. Okay, so it’s possible for me. Yeah, it’s possible. You can definitely get there. I mean, is it a zero fucks given kind of a thing? I mean, how many fucks are you giving right now? Is it 10 out of 10? I’m gonna interject here. Equating lack of self-awareness with how many fucks you give, that’s incorrect. Okay. Because “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck,” that book which I read and forgot about. But I mean, you get it all in the middle. You get it all in the title. You didn’t really care about it? It was self-explanatory. It was kind of, yeah, everybody knows this, but no one really does it. Okay, not caring what people think about you, right- Is different than not being aware of who you are. Right, and because… Not caring about what people think about you, the positive side of that is obviously like, you’re not trying to please people, and you’re unabashedly yourself, et cetera, et cetera. But then if you are not self-aware, and your actions, like some other toxic trait are negatively effecting someone, then you’re relying on someone else who cares enough to point something out to you, which is really tough for people to do, because most people are kind of like, it’s hard, I don’t wanna have this conversation. I don’t wanna have an uncomfortable conversation, I don’t wanna confront this person, it’s easier to kind of just deal with it or just kind of spend less time with them, whatever. Unless it’s on a podcast, and then that gets pretty entertaining. So I think that there’s a fine line here. There’s a fine line. Well, I lost it, so now I have to chose another one. “Ear Biscuits” is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know, everybody, including me faces situations where you don’t know exactly how to proceed, and I think traditionally what I would do is I might talk to a friend about those things, I might sit there and think about them for a second. Or you may do nothing. Right, a lot of times. Which is a problem. Yeah, but I have found that one of the benefits of therapy is as I am talking about the way that I feel or the challenges that I’m having in encountering a particular situation, a lot of the times the answer will reveal itself. Maybe it might be a little something that the therapist says, but often, it’s just the process of being in that environment will reveal the answer. I agree. Whether you’re dealing with decisions around career, relationships, or anything else, therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life, so you can move forward with confidence and excitement. We love therapy and we want everyone to be able to have access to it, no matter where you are or what your situation is. If you’re thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It’s entirely online, it’s designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. 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Yeah, you gotta do what I’m doing, it’s like, oh, I would love a little less self-awareness. I haven’t been self-aware enough to do that. So I definitely am not gonna choose perfectionism. And I’m definitely not gonna choose… Oh gosh, this is tough. Hiding insults in humor, I can already pull that out of the holster. I don’t want that one, ’cause I already have it. Man, do I have all of these? Why am I trying to go… Overly competitive. Here we go. The last one on the list. “Friendly competition is fun and healthy.” Okay. “But when it gets to the point of intense anger, “they start to make life a competition. “Always having to one up you. “It might get a little nasty to get there, “whether it’s talking you down to other people “to look better.” Maybe I should just say, whether it’s talking to other people to look better, “or belittling your accomplishments, “it can be tiring to be in a race “you never intended to start.” As I’ve firmly established- Why don’t we just turn this whole podcast into me convincing you that you’re actually competitive. That would be fun. Let’s do that. I mean, I wanna be able to rise to the challenge, and totally say, you know what, I can win this. I can beat everyone at this, and I’m fully committed, and I believe and I care so much that I’m actually getting heated about it, and oh gosh, I’m so into it, and you know, sports, and measurements. Hold on, what do you mean by measurements? Well, you know, typically a lot of times when you compete, there’s like a measurement involved. Are you talking about like when we play which is shorter, like a credit card or a lighter? Is that what you’re talking about? Yeah, I mean, or like- Which is a great game, by the way. I was thinking more like shot put, but yeah. Oh, oh, oh, measuring the performance of something. Okay, how far your shot put went. Yeah. Okay. ‘Cause I just want everybody’s shot to be put. But no, look at my put being shot. And this is where it gets… See, the whole podcast… Boy, I wish I could delete it. But we don’t do that. Is I conflated, because I still conflate the two, attention seeking and competitiveness. That was a thing that I did not ever articulate, is I saying “Hey, we both seek attention.” And you were saying, “I’m not competitive.” And so if competition is wanting to perform at a task better than someone else, and that’s the strict definition, then that I guess is a different thing. And in my mind, I’m like, well, but the reason that an athlete wants to win the gold medal is because what do you get to do at the end of the gold medal ceremony? You stand at the top of the podium and be the center of attention. There’s myriad reasons we compete. I do it to feel the anger. Your turn. Okay. I’m gonna take this, again, because I do already have it and I actually don’t think it’s that bad for anyone else other than me. People pleasing. He’s taking people pleasing. It’s like how can you get mad at somebody for pleasing other people? Now obviously, it can be a bit torturous for the person who’s doing it. Yeah, you’re really taking one for the team. But most people, if they had to choose, like, okay, you have to hang out with this person and this person is gonna be a challenger or a people pleaser, you’d be like, well, what’s gonna be the easier afternoon? Well, somebody who’s gonna be a people pleaser. You’re gonna be liked. Yeah, because you’re gonna be like, hey, I’ll do this, or I’ll do that. And I think sometimes I get a little bit… Maybe there’s some confusion about this, and I think I’m a people pleaser, because I’m pretty flexible, and I’m kind of like, honestly, I don’t care where we eat, because I really love food, and I’m probably gonna have a great time, regardless of the choice that we make. And so it’s not that I’m trying to be this deferential person, it’s just that I genuinely don’t care, and what I find is that I run into a lot of people who do care, and I’m like, okay, if you care, your opinion wins out here. But then there’s also… And I think we’ve both kind of run into this problem before, where it can get, I guess it is somewhat toxic, but when you just won’t tell someone what you think when they actually need to hear it, because you’re like, I don’t wanna upset them. Ruffle feathers. Like, we’ve always been… We’ve talked about this a million times- You’re gonna suffer. You’re gonna suffer from this, no one else is. Well, I think we have both suffered as a unit. And now you’re saying longterm other people will suffer. ‘Cause you’re not telling them. We’ve talked about this quite a bit, and I think we’ve gotten better at this, but as a business unit, as an entertainment entity, we’re really easy to work with. I mean, listen, we know enough people in this damn business to know that most people who are entertainers for a living, the relationships that they have with their agents, or their managers, or their attorneys, or their employees, or whatever can be much more fraught than ours are, ’cause we’ve seen it a bunch, right? But there’s been a number of times when I’m like, ah, man, sometimes when somebody really stands up for themselves, really defends their perspective, really holds the line on something and is not worried that this is gonna be upsetting or offensive to someone who wants something from them, I’ve actually seen that benefit the person in a way that was healthy. And I think we’ve gotten better at that, just through trial and error and experience. Yeah, we got more assertive. But personally, I think that more often than not… But I’m trying to defend this ’cause I’m taking it. Defend it. What I’m saying is that, if you’re building a character of a person, and the idea is that this person is supposed to be the least toxic of the two people at the end of this, when we compare these toxic traits, I think that people pleasing is a low score in ultimate toxicity. But you’re gonna end up holding resentments against everyone for taking advantage of the fact that you’re a people pleaser. Yeah, but I’ll hold it in and keep it to myself. And you’ll feel guilty when you do say no. Yeah, I do. And when you can’t please everyone, you’re gonna break down. Well, I haven’t broken down yet. Thank you, Rhett. I feel like you can please a lot of people for a long time. It pleases me that you have chosen this one. And not break down. Jenna, you don’t want this one, do you? I already have it, I don’t want it. No, thank you. Jenna’s playing a different game. I’m playing a different game, yeah. I’m like give me the toxic traits I don’t have, yes, I wonder what that feels like. Where am I gonna go now? It’s getting tougher, you know? Well, yeah, ’cause they’re getting real bad. Yeah, they getting bad. They’re getting bad. Well, there’s a number that are not too bad. I’m gonna go with arrogance. Okay, great. I’m taking arrogance for the win, ’cause this is a competition now. “Confidence is one thing, “but arrogance means you think you are superior “to everyone around you, “no one could possibly match up to your awesomeness, “and you make it known.” You know, I would like… Maybe it’s weird to hear me say this, I would like more confidence. To me, it comes down to this, there’s this one aspect, and this is very specific, so this is where I’m going with this. If I get accused of something, I immediately am like, oh, I’m sorry. The default the accuser must be right. It’s just a disposition I have. Like, I just have this, and I don’t know what it’s related to, if it’s my perfectionism, that I just have this keen sense of falling short of the ideal in any given situation, that if I get accused of something, I’m like, oh, gosh, you caught me and I didn’t even know it, you know? I didn’t mean to do it, but you’re right. And I think that that can’t be true all the time. You know, 100% of the time that somebody levels something at me, it can’t be true. Or it can’t be 100% true, and I think that’s just how I react, and I would like to have a little more fortitude and confidence in that particular area. I would hope that no one would ever accuse me of being arrogant. So maybe I need a little bit of that in my life for once, and be like, you’re wrong, I’m right, ’cause I’m great, and you’re not. Or we’re both great. We’re both great, you’re great, I’m great, we’re both great. I’m great, we’re both great. So I have it and I actually feel pretty good about it, you know, it was a great choice for me. That’s a pretty arrogant choice. To be kind of arrogant. I’m gonna steal that one. No, no, no, Jenna! No, you’re taking all of mine! I’m sorry, I want it, give it to me. Why? Because I am not arrogant. You’re not arrogant. No. How do you relate to it? I’m self-deprecating. Self-deprecating. I would like a little arrogance. I think I would like to know how that feels to just think I’m- Strut. Yeah, yeah. Do a little strut, and you know, I’m hot shit. What does that feel like? Like a peacock. Yeah. You wanna pick a hot shit day of the month? Where I can be hot shit? Can we put it on the calendar and you just know that that day I come in and I’m just like- Well, it might need to be a weekend, but yeah. Oh, okay. Not during working hours. First of all, can I take issue with the whole hot shit thing? Like, hot shit is not a great thing. If I came into the office and took a hot shit, Oh, there you go. In the bullpen area. That would be arrogant. People would be like, look at that hot shit. I mean, the hotter the shit, the more stink it’s got. Yeah. What about hard and crusty shit? Well, that’s way better. It’s impenetrable, you can pick it up, you can throw it. I just find it interesting that the shit became positive. But you know what- I don’t think it is. That’s what we’re doing today, by the way. I don’t think arrogance is positive, I don’t think hot shit is positive, but arrogance gives hot shit vibes, if that makes sense. So we’re relating to this aspirationally in the specifics that I gave, can you relate to that or is it different for you? Like, if you get accused of something is your knee jerk reaction to be like, you must be right? My knee jerk reaction is disappointment and shame. Yeah. Yes, that’s pretty much it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love to be like, you’re wrong. That one sounds nice. Maybe we have a double hot shit day. Yeah! Culturally… That’s an interesting take on it, the being corrected and standing up for yourself, but I think that we kind of reward… Think about the most badass celebrities, right? And I’m talking about like singers, performers. Mickey Rourke. Prince. Prince, yes, Prince. Well, he’s a lot of things. He’s mysterious, he’s mystical. Don’t you feel like if you were- He’s confident. He’s earned it. If you watch Prince in certain interviews and you didn’t know anything about him and you didn’t have a full appreciate for him or whatever, you’d be like, that guy’s arrogant, like the way he acted in that situation, or the way he acts on stage, but then I think there’s something, I don’t know what it is culturally where we’re like, he can do it, because he’s that good. Don’t you think that that’s something that ends up happening is that we excuse people’s arrogance, because they’re giving us something that’s such a high level. And I’m not saying it’s good, I’m just saying I think that culturally, we kind of reward arrogance. I think we reward arrogance in our politicians, in our entertainers, I think it’s toxic, but I’m just saying that’s what I think, that’s how I perceive it. I think the line is, if you’re confident to the point of being a jerk and it has a negative impact on other people, that’s a line you don’t wanna cross, but Jenna has to now. Yes. To add to what you were saying, Rhett, about rewarding arrogance, I think that’s a nice thing to point out that we tend to reward it in men. Yeah. Right. Women who are successful and they give off hot shit arrogant vibes and they’re usually vilified. That’s true. And I also think that it’s rewarded from afar. You know what I’m saying? Like, I don’t know Prince. Through a screen. I don’t know Prince, he’s a badass. But then it’s just like, well, what is it like to be Prince’s buddy? I don’t know, that might be different. And I’m not singling out Prince, I quite like Prince. I don’t know what he was like interpersonally. I think I’ve heard really good things. Yeah, and also he’s a performer, it’s a persona, but I’m just pointing out the fact that we might be like, oh, I like… People love politicians who are like bad asses and think great things about themselves, and put other people down and are really quite at insulting other people, right? I mean, we’ve had a couple of presidents like that, right? More than a few and pretty recently one that was the embodiment of arrogance. And people love that. Some people love that. But then you’re like, yeah, but what if it was your dad, or what if it was your best friend, it would probably be hell, right? Yeah. So I think it’s relational and culturally kind of two different things. I gotta pick another one. Jenna keeps taking from me. You have to pick a replacement. I’m gonna pick being judgmental. Okay. Being judgmental is kind of like being extremely discerning. Right? I mean, you can be right about something but be a jerk. You’re not wrong, Walter, you’re just an asshole kind of a thing. “When someone gives their unsolicited opinion.” Ooh! Yeah, but have you read this yet? “On something and frames it as being brutally honest.” You know, a little tough love, a little brutal. Tough love. Brutal honesty is better than just lying. Wimpy lying. Maybe sometimes. I don’t know. I’m trying my best here. Not always. You know, when you’re a perfectionist, you come across as judgmental, so I’m back in my trap of just trying to own what I am and make the best of it, which makes me seem like a jerk. But these are tough now, y’all. Come on, help me out here. So yeah, that’s my positive spin on it, ’cause I’ve got it. You know, I’m discerning. There’s a wisdom that’s wielded. It’s an unwieldy wisdom. Hmm. A mal wielded wisdom. He’s not wrong. It’s funny, you’re thinking about the reaction to it, like, he’s not wrong. Like, that’s the first thing people are thinking, if you give your unsolicited opinion to something. I mean, that hurt, but he’s not wrong. Okay, are you done? Obviously. I’m gonna take- I keep digging a hole. I might need to stop. I’m gonna take perfectionism. All right, take it. ‘Cause again, my strategy here- Take it, I’m a fan of it, but take it. My strategy here is to assemble… Because I’m a people pleaser, is to assemble the person that somebody would want to hang out with. So perfectionism. I don’t really know, let me read it first. “Needing everything to be perfect, “and to one set of standards can be overwhelming “for all those around them.” Oh god. “Not only can it be hard on others, “perfectionists are too hard on themselves, “and can really destroy self-esteem and work life balance.” To me, there’s like two strains of this, right? Because there is the thing that I don’t have, which you clearly established that you do have, is if you take an individual thing or experience or something and having an idea of the way that it should go and the way that it should be to the point where when it doesn’t reach that state, it’s like difficult, right? Crushing, whatever. I don’t have that. That’s not my experience in perfectionism. But I’m a workaholic, and I’m doing a bunch of things all the time, really, really wanting them to be good, and spending a bunch of time thinking about how I can make them as good as I possibly can, and then attaching my personal value to how good the thing that I’m making is. Yeah. So I do experience it in that way, but because I think that it’s actually mostly, it’s an internal struggle. Like, if you have an employee who’s a perfectionist, you’re like, yeah, I’ve got an employee who’s a perfectionist, or like, this person’s a perfectionist. Now it might become- I see what you’re doing here. It might be difficult to- You’re trying to not impede on anybody else with your toxicity. You’re absorbing a lot here. This can be an asset for someone in a relationship, a perfectionist. Now it become, like if the person- Yes, it can. If the person is like constantly down on themselves and becomes like a- Whore! An Eeyore. Was that a good point for that? You should’ve said Eeyore. Oh. E-whore! If somebody becomes an E-whore. I think that probably is a legitimate profession. A really sad cam girl? I think some people are into that. Yeah. It’s like a manga thing. Different strokes. I think that that can be really difficult in a relational context if it’s happening all the time, but I don’t suffer because of your perfectionism. Do you know what I’m saying? Like, I don’t suffer because of it. I’m glad to hear that. I think it’s difficult for a person who’s suffering from it. But again, so far, just so you know, I’m a toxic positive person, who ignores boundaries, while pleasing people and being a perfectionist. I’m a pretty good guy so far. You’re an attention-seeking whore who’s overly competitive and is judgmental. I mean, and you’ve still gotta add one. Well, Jenna keeps- Jenna just lacks self-awareness and is arrogant. Jenna keeps taking my best ones. I’m sorry, you keep picking the ones I want. I already know the next one. I already know my final one. Ooh, okay. So you guys are just gonna have to wait until that comes. All right, all right. Okay. Now they’re about to get bad, so everything could go south real fast here. Yeah. I just don’t want anger issues. I don’t want to hold grudges. Victim mentality, oh, I’m really against that. Instigating drama and gossiping. I gotta take that one. ‘Cause I mean, it just sounds like it could be fun. A little bit. A little bit, maybe. “It’s hard not to get sucked into a little bit of drama, “but when it’s happening all the time, “and your life is full of it, “it makes you exhausting to be around. “You either thrive on negativity “or subconsciously are addicted to chaos.” I could get a lot of views. I could really channel this into some content. I wouldn’t be the first and I wouldn’t be the last. I don’t watch that stuff. I don’t get into it. I don’t get into it. But might be fun. What about when somebody has the tea on something about someone that you know or you used to know that’s interesting? Like, you don’t find yourself like, ooh, tell me more about that? No, I really don’t. ‘Cause I have that. I have that. I’m not an instigator, I’m the least dramatic person that you know, but what I do like if is somebody starts talking some shit about somebody, I’m like, okay, let me hear. You know, I admit I like reality TV, I like to listen to it. Yeah. I like to listen to it, but I do not participate. I’m really far from this, because I think that… Oh gosh, I don’t wanna get in trouble here. Oh, do it. But even when someone is like ramping up to being canceled, and I don’t know anything about it, like I’m not informed about anything. Ramping up. Somebody tells me something, like somebody’s getting canceled, and my instinct is to take that person’s side, and that’s without knowing any details. I will be very clear. I don’t take up for people who are being canceled. But I have this instinct to do that, because I feel like I could be next. Totally accidentally. Well, you could. I just feel like I don’t know, to a fault, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I thought you were gonna say- I’m trying to make myself sound good here. You’re probably not. No, I think I’m probably not, yeah. But that is an instinct of mine. Like, that’s the side I err on. I’m like, well, you know, there’s two sides to every story, and everybody screws up, and nobody’s perfect. I passed a sign for a church and it said- I love church signs. It said the name of the church and then underneath it, it said, “Chill vibes, no perf-” I’m getting choked up. “Chill vibes, no perfect people.” That’s a cool LA church. Yeah, man. Chill vibes? Chill vibes. No perfect people. There was a thing in the middle, but I can’t remember what it was. And. So yeah, I’m gonna be that. What did I just pick? Instigating drama and gossiping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. “Ear Biscuits” is supported by Rosetta Stone. 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There’s no better time than right now to get started. For a very limited time, you can get Rosetta Stone’s lifetime membership for 50% off. That’s $149 for unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% at RosettaStone.com/ear today. That’s far from me, so I can move towards it. Okay, I’m going to take- Jenna didn’t take that one. It’s not the one she wanted. Phubbing. I hate this one. I hate you for this! This is like in your face disrespect, man. I’m talking to you, and you’re just gonna, oh, now I’m on my phone. It’s a pet peeve. Yeah. I don’t know, I feel like this is a Gen Z thing. I’m anticipating a cultural shift here. And I think again, my kids do it and my wife does it. I get offended when I’m watching a show with people and I look over and they’re on the phone. They’re not even talking to me, they’re just not completely committed like I am. Hey, I’m with you. But I’m just saying that- I’m a one track, I can’t multitask. You’re not a two screen guy? No. I’m assuming that most people… I’m projecting and then I get offended. All shows? Any show? I only look on my phone when I’m watching a show if I’m bored with the show. If I don’t care about the show. I think it depends on the genre. Reality TV, man, I’m on my phone. I don’t watch that except for “Survivor.” And when they get to Tribal Counsel, I get on my phone, ’cause that’s the part I’m just like, well- Really? Tribal Counsel, that’s where it really starts happening. I don’t know, I don’t watch “Survivor.” I haven’t watched it in many years. I’ll perk up if it’s good. I think that while I do think this is toxic, I don’t think it’s necessarily healthy, but I think that if you’re good at it, and I’m saying I think I could be good at this, like, I’m listening to you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think I can do that. If you say something to me, and I’m on my phone, and I’m like, yeah, and I’ll repeat it back to you. I was listening to you. I agree, this is a safe choice. It’s not that bad. It’s slightly annoying. It’s pet peeve area, it’s not like break off the friendship. I think that’s the definition of toxic, like if somebody has this toxic trait, and it has an impact on you, that’s grounds to break the relationship. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s my definition of what makes something toxic. So even though I hate this, I don’t think this should be on the list. Well, it’s on mine. I should’ve chosen it. It’s on my list. I should’ve chosen it. Oh, gosh. Is more of a strategic chooser on this list? ‘Cause I need that. Are you adding things to the list, ’cause now every time I look down, I’m seeing something new. No. There’s just 21 of these, so we gotta kind of- Yeah, let’s speed this up. Jealousy, manipulative, passive aggressive, comparing yourself to others. If I don’t chose comparing yourself to others, you’re obviously gonna choose it. Well, of course. I’m just gonna choose that one. ‘Cause it’s the next thing that’s not that bad. Right. That’s what I was gonna do. So I’m choosing compare yourself to others. Welcome to the game. Welcome to the game we’re competing at. That I’m currently winning. “When you are constantly comparing yourself “to other people around you, “so much so that it impacts your self-esteem, “and you become either bitter or arrogant.” Oh. Yeah, you know, you could actually come out on top comparing yourself to others, I didn’t think about that. There you go. Win, win. I’m already arrogant, I might as well get there by comparing myself to you. You’re not arrogant though. Because Jenna took it. Jenna took it! Yeah. This is as close as I can get. Do you want that one? No, I don’t. Good. So I mean, this is another one that is pretty much on you. You’ll suffer. Right. Again, you might become an unbearable person, I got you. If you are constantly dealing with all these internal struggles, but okay, this person’s comparing themselves to me right now, they could be doing worse things. I will say, I don’t dabble in this that often. Not to the point that it’s really ever been a problem, habitually. So I could use a little bit of it. Okay. Choose. Oh man, boy. Inflexibility is so opposite of my personality, I’m gonna have a real tough time taking that. It’ll help you move the needle for this next year. Oh, man. You know what, this is a big one. This is a big one, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and I’m gonna take passive aggressive, okay? Oh, okay. So again, everybody knows what this is, but I’ll read, “Someone who cannot assert their needs “and will make angry remarks, “but not be direct in bringing up an issue. “They let things bubble up “and then act out in passive ways, “like making petty remarks, “sighing, stonewalling, et cetera. “They want the people around them to be mind readers “and tend to have issues with conflict.” So the reason I’m choosing this, is because I think- So you can fly under the radar. I think that almost everyone at some point does something passive aggressive. I think this is a universal human value, because there are things that you want or things that you feel, and it’s often easier, regardless of disposition and personality to say something that is hiding, is cloaking a real feeling, but it’s kind of a smart asshole-y remark, or sometimes it’s just slightly harsh. And I just think that this is why, you’re being passive aggressive, you’re being passive aggressive is something that is said in relationships, friendships, and so I just think that everyone’s dealing with this a little bit, so I’m willing to take it, because it’s not something that’s gonna be like this downfall of a person. It’s just something that everyone has a touch of it, and you wanna minimize it. It’s the more palatable version of manipulative, so why don’t you just take manipulative. ‘Cause I’m not gonna take it. ‘Cause I spelled TikTok or SickTock, what did I spell? Toxic. Toxic, what we’re talking about. I spelled toxic like TikTok. Holding grudges is such… Oh, man, that takes years off your life. I just can’t do that to myself. I can’t take that one for the team. Holding grudges is bad for other people too, by the way. Oh, it’s bad for- That’s a pretty bad one externally. You know what, I’m gonna go with the more amped up version of comparing yourself to others, and I’m gonna take jealousy. Okay. Because it’s still an implied compliment, right? “People who have your best interest at heart “are usually happy when good things happen to you.” They’re not jealous of you. So it is very self-centered, but it still gives credit where credit’s due. Okay. I’m taking it. This is a good time to bring up something that a lot of people pointed out, when we did the Top 10 People That We’re Jealous Of” episode. Yeah. Everyone was like, “Guys, you actually should’ve used “envy instead of jealousy.” Envy. That’s why we wore our green shirts today. ‘Cause envy’s when somebody has something you want. Has something you want. And we were talking about people who had done things or had things, achieved things that we want. Whereas jealousy is more… Okay, jealous is being… This is just some website. “Is being fiercely protective of one’s rights, “position, or possessions, “characterized by feelings of fear, “anger, resentment, and insecurity.” Right, so when your significant other is having a better time with somebody else, you’re jealous, because you said that belongs to you. Versus if your friend gets married and you’re jealous ’cause you wanna be married. You’re envious ’cause you wanna be married, you’re not jealous. I can’t even say it right. And also if you’re jealous in a relationship- You’re protective of it. If like, oh, some dude at the grocery whistled at you, let me at him. Don’t go to the grocery store anymore. Don’t go to the grocery store. Right, but if you live closer to the good Ralph’s, then I’m envious. Exactly. Yeah, let’s make this about Ralph’s. Well, the grocery store. All right, pick. I’m not trying to be manipulative, but it is on the board. Up for grabs, manipulative, anger issues, holding grudges, victim mentality, hiding insults in humor, narcissism, and inflexibility. They’re getting tough to take, but I’m going to take hiding insults in humor. Because at least it’s funny. Okay. Yeah. It says, “Bagging on your friends “in a lighthearted way can be totally fine “and show closeness.” You don’t do this. “But when you’re constantly making jokes “at other people’s expense, “it can get tiresome “and is basically bullying hiding in joke form.” I do this. I actually want more of this. Yeah, I think you could give a good ribbing occasionally. I’d like to see you give a good ribbing to somebody. Like, I don’t- Well, you do it to me for comedy, but only in performance mode. Like, privately, I don’t know that you ever do it. Like, I do it as a form of endearment. Like, I actually think a gentle ribbing is for your pleasure. Are you talking about condoms? Yeah, a gentle ribbing is for your pleasure, that’s how I feel about it. And I don’t disagree. I think that it’s when it… Well, first of all, it has to do with the recipient a lot of times. Yeah. Because I have people that I know who like to do this sort of playful making fun of people. You do it, yes. I know people who do it more than you. And I know other people in my life that if they get together, it’s inevitable what’s gonna happen is this person’s gonna do their thing, where they sort of find these soft spots and make fun of you. Push your buttons. And this person who’s sensitive and defensive gets really mad. And I’ve seen it a number of times, and I tend to be like, if somebody starts doing it to me, I’m kind of like ha, ha, ha, yeah, yeah, okay, all right, when is this gonna be over? I mean, I try to do it about something that I feel is innocuous, but you never know what somebody’s self-conscious about. Right. But because at least- But it is funny for everybody else. If it’s funny for everybody else, you know, one person is suffering, so if you have to pick something, I’ll take it. Let’s just jam through these. I’m taking that one. Oh, Jenna’s taking one from you. Yes. Why? I think I need a little bit of this. ‘Cause I don’t think of things in insulting ways, like I don’t… I’m very nice. You’re too nice. And sometimes I’ve been in situations where people have said mean things, and my retort is, oh. And I don’t say anything, and I just really wish I had kind of the streak to be like, well, I’m gonna say something mean, but it’s gonna be funny as hell. Right. And it’s like, you’re gonna say something mean to me, I got something way better. The zinger. That’s when you wish you had that button where you could rewind a little bit and be like, oh, I got you this time. ‘Cause I’ve totally been in that situation where a stranger, I’ve been polite to and just been like, no, thank you, and they say something mean, and I would love to be like, well, I’m gonna be mean back now, but I don’t do that. Yeah, you need a generic go to. Like, a your mother. But I can’t, it’s not good. That’s not good. Yeah. Do you kiss your momma with that mouth is kind of… Maybe that’s more specific. Could that work? No, usually, I feel like the only time I did something, That wouldn’t work. That I was proud of was when someone insulted me and I was just like, oh, you’re sad. That’s good. Yes. That’s good, I like that. Oh, you’re sad. Oh, you’re sad. That’s it. Is it? Okay. That is it. But you have to say it the way Jenna said it. Oh, you’re sad. Ooh, god. I got a tear in my eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta say it like that. Wow. So I’ve chosen my three. Those are mine. Jenna’s out. It’s a free for all now. Yeah. You gotta choose another one, Rhett. I’m trying to choose between inflexibility and anger issues. I don’t have any inflexibility. I mean, I think on the spectrum, I’m pretty flexible. So I take a lot of pride in my flexibility. So it’s really hard to imagine me taking on inflexibility. That would be tough. But I’m pretty flexible, so I’ll take it. See what I did there? See what I did? I’m gonna take inflexibility, because you know what, the positive side of this… Well, let me read it, because it’ll sound real bad when I read it, ’cause that’s how all these are. “When someone just cannot have things any other way “than how they see fit. “They are terrible at compromise, “won’t go out of their comfort zone, “and will pout if they have to change a plan “from what they want.” This is really difficult to deal with, but the positive side of it is if you are very flexible, and you kind of don’t care about a lot of things, having an inflexible person sometimes you can reposition it as this person just is planning things, or if I just step out of the way, this person will just do these things and I might benefit from it. So that’s the positive side. So I think there can be a positive side to it. Okay. I’m gonna take holding grudges because I don’t think I struggle with this. I think I’m pretty good at moving on. I like relationships to be intact. I like to get over conflict as quickly as possible. Like, immediately if I could. So I could probably use a little holding a grudge. Hey, remember, some people actually are toxic, and you need to keep your walls up, and when they prove themselves as that, and show themselves at that, you need to build that wall. Sorry to use the term. Did not mean to do that. Yeah, so I actually feel really good about this one. Yeah, you actually made that sound good, because man, I could use some of that too. Sometimes there’s somebody who you’re supposed to have a problem with, you know? And then you’re like, what if I run into them? And then I think to myself, well, I’ll probably just be like, hey. You know? Right, yeah. Because I’m a people pleaser, but then I also sort of like search my heart, and I’m like, well, I’m not that mad at them. Right, yeah. So you wish you would’ve had it, but you can’t take it. Here’s the reason I didn’t take it, because- It can eat away at you. I know some folk who are grudge holders, and it makes certain relationships difficult, because it’s like, I can’t talk to this person now because you got a problem with them, because of this thing that happened? Other people have to choose sides. Yes, and so that’s why I didn’t choose it, ’cause it’s an imposition for me sometimes. To use the parlance of Jenna, Parlance? It’s sad. That’s gonna be the name of Jenna’s podcast, The Parlance of Jenna. I like that. When you hold a grudge, it puts a part of your life on pause, you know? I just think about family members who don’t talk to each other. It takes work. It takes work. But it freezes an area of your life, and that’s a you thing, not even a them thing. Choose. I’m gonna take anger issues. Good, I did not want that. Let me read it. “We all get angry, “but when you’re quick to anger, “it can be really easy to redirect it “at someone completely innocent. “Having issues expression your anger in healthy ways “can lead to people getting tired of hearing apologies “later on, and constantly walking on eggshells around you.” The positive side of anger. Well, anger sometimes it’s a mask for sadness, right? I think that’s what I learned in therapy. Hurt people hurt people. And so if you get angry about something there’s probably a deeper emotion under that that you should’ve just gone through and gotten to. And also, having anger issues is one thing, taking the anger out on others is another thing. They now have those rooms that you can go to with a sledgehammer and pay $30 for an hour to just bust up some televisions and stuff. The thing I don’t like about this, is that it kind of bumps up against violence. So I’m glad you chose it. No, it didn’t say that. Lots of people who are angry and then don’t do anything violent. But some do, and that could be you, Rhett. No, that’s not me. I’m not choosing violent anger. If violent outbursts was one of them, neither one of us would want to take that. You know, just being angry. Oh, gosh. It’s not that bad. I gotta choose two of the last three? Yeah. Manipulative or victim mentality. Oh, so you’re not gonna choose narcissism? I’m gonna choose manipulative, because my heart’s in the right place. I’m just trying to get you there. I’m trying to get you to the right answer, ’cause I’m an arrogant perfectionist. No, you’re not. I’m mixing things up here. I’m mixing my real life with my toxic character. You know, you can be manipulative but for good reasons, right? You really need to wear that life vest. Okay, that’s a great example. A sea captain. “Manipulative people are not “easy to spot at first.” A manipulative sea captain is what you want. Yeah, that’s me. “That’s because they disguise themselves “as nice to gain your trust “before revealing who they are truly. “Manipulators typically target “and prey on the vulnerabilities “of compassionate and empathetic people.” Okay, I did my best. I think the reason you can choose this one is because, to me, it’s kind of like passive aggressiveness in that it is lots of times in a conversation, somebody might say, you’re being manipulative right now. Everybody can fall into it. Yeah. You just don’t wanna be described as a manipulative person, which I do think is what you just did, because it is one of the main descriptors of your person, so we’ll see. I gotta choose between victim mentality and narcissism. This feels pretty easy. So I’ll take victim mentality. Hold on, I might surprise you here, right? No, I don’t know. I was gonna try to find a way to make… Because listen, this town has a lot of narcissists, and as we have established, I think when we took the narcissism test on the show many years ago, that there is a score where if you’re above a certain number you’re probably a narcissist, right? And then if you’re another score, you have narcissistic tendencies. But if you’re in the middle range, or a little bit above the middle range, you’re probably an entertainer for a living. And then if you’re really low, you probably hate attention, right? And so I think that narcissistic tendencies that are not toxic level can end up… They can be a good thing sometimes. But I don’t know, man, it’s so common these days to be like, that person’s a narcissist, and it’s like once you give somebody that label, it is like a worst ever. So I’m gonna give it to you. Take it. No! And I’m gonna take victim mentality. “This person is always the victim, “everyone is against them, “they don’t deserve anything.” The reason I was so reluctant to take this is because I just hate this mentality. I just hate it so much. I don’t wanna have to put this one my character. But you got to. “And if they’ve done something wrong, “they somehow turn it around and are still the victim.” Oh, I just don’t like that, but I’m gonna take it. So read them out, what are you, and what am I, and what is Jenna? Hold on, you have to make narcissism okay, because it’s yours. Make it sound okay. “Attention-seekers, manipulators, gas-lighters, “and trauma bonders.” Wow, shall not inherit the Kingdom of God. “They only think about themselves, “they cannot take responsibility for their own actions, “because they truly don’t think “they’ve done anything wrong. “When confronted on something, “they will be completely defensive, lie, “and turn the situation around. “They also dump all of their issues on you “and make you feel bad if you don’t have time for them, “because they’re going through so much.” This makes people’s life… This alone encompasses so many bad things, you can’t make this good, man. I tried to make it good a second ago. Just say you agree with what I said and you’ll take that. I agree with what you say. I mean, I’m stuck with it, I’m not gonna defend it. Okay, we’ll start with Jenna who at the end of the day lacks self-awareness, is arrogant, and loves to hide her insults in humor. Okay, that’s how bad she is. Yes, yes. I would like to have a day of being this. Yes. But you wouldn’t know it, ’cause you wouldn’t have any self-awareness. Yes. Hold on, yeah, that’s hot shit day. Yes. Hot shit day. It’s Saturday or Sunday, Jenna. It’s all very toxic, but I feel like it’s so opposite me that I was like, oh, what would that… I would think I’d be wearing a really nice suit. Maybe a top hat. And a top hat. Oh, you’re definitely in a business suit on this day. Oh, I am in a business suit. Tails. Oh, yes. All right, what are you? I have toxic positivity, I ignore boundaries, I’m a people pleaser, I’m a perfectionist, I’m often on my phone when you’re talking to me, I’m passive aggressive, I’m inflexible, I have anger issues, and I suffer from a victim mentality. That doesn’t sound that bad. Ooh, man. That doesn’t sound that bad once you hear Link’s. What about the Linkster? Link is attention-seeking, overly competitive, he’s judgmental, he loves to instigate drama and gossip, he loves to compare himself to others, he’s jealous, he holds grudges, but on top of all that, he is a manipulative narcissist. You got stuck with both manipulative and narcissism, and you had a choice not to chose it, but you did a double whammy. But I’m going through so much. No, you don’t even get that, I’m the victim. I’m the victim mentality. Narcissists say that. Okay, that was fun though. I like the pace of that one. Yeah. It was so fun, so fun. We moved through a lot. Do you have a rec to shut this one down? I do, I have a… As is somewhat typical from my recs from time to time, a niche cooking product that will only make sense or appeal to less than 4% of you. So to those of you who are in this 4%, listen up, I’m about to change things for you. I recently discovered the little contraption known as a fat separator, and I used it to great effect in my barbecue that I made for you and friends on The Fourth. A fat separator. Yeah, I got this from another rec, Meat Church. This is so weird, because the one thing I was gonna tell you about that barbecue is I wish it was fattier. What’s a fat separator? That didn’t have anything to do with it. I guess it was a little bit leaner. When I started pulling it apart, I was like, oh wow, there’s not- There wasn’t any fat in it. There’s not as much… It’s just, sometimes you get one that’s not as fatty. It was still very good. But you’re talking about pieces of fat that you could see. Yeah. Yeah, well, a lot of times it renders away. But what a fat separator does is… So what I used to do, and the reason I don’t do this anymore is because of what happens to the left overs. I used to take it off the grill, and I would leave it in everything that had just rendered all the fat that had just rendered, and I pulled the pork together and just left it all sitting together. What ends up happening… First of all, most people don’t prefer that. Most people want just the pork. And the second thing that happens is, as you begin to… You know, it’s out for a while while you’re serving everybody, and then the fat begins to congeal as it gets to room temperature, and then you’ve got this fatty thing in the bottom and then you try to store it and it becomes really difficult to convince yourself that you want to eat it later. So Matt at Meat Church, who’s the barbecue guy that I get so many of my recipes from, he takes… Once you pull it off and you pull it, you pour… Well, actually you pull the pork out and you separate it on a different thing and then what’s left in there is the au jus, but it’s got all this fat rendered in it, you put it in this fat separator, which is basically this cup that has a siphon on… Anyway, if you sit it out, the fat rises to the top and there’s a big layer of fat and then there’s just the au jus, which is the juice from the meat, and then when you pour it out, the spout’s on the bottom, so you just pour the au jus back onto the meat without having poured all the fat back onto the meat. Okay. And that stuff is like the best barbecue sauce you’ve ever had in your life. And last night, I took the au jus that was still in the fridge, and I took a couple of spoonfuls of it and put it on some pork, warmed it up, and that pork didn’t have any of that congealed fat on it in the bag, and it was just- Oh, no jus didn’t. And it was so good, man. So I’m assuming- A fat separator. There’s other applications for this that I’m only just discovering, but if you’re basting or baking or roasting some piece of meat and you wanna get the fat out of the juice, get a fat separator, it would be a game changer for you. #EarBiscuits. 1-888-EARPOD1. EARPOD1. That was fun. Hey, Rhett and Link, this is Kelsey, I’m currently on an eight hour road trip, relocating from Mississippi to Florida and have just been listening to episode after episode of “Ear Biscuit” episodes that I have been backed up on, and I just finished listening to “Link’s Embarrassing Ski Trip Story,” it is one of the reasons why I love y’all so much. It’s so well-rounded in comedy and real relationships, so thank you, bye. To watch more “Ear Biscuits,” click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous episode of “Ear Biscuits,” click on the playlist to the left. And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your Mythical best.