Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Link. And I’m Rhett. This week at the round table of Dim Lighting, it’s Sextember! We’re doing some sex talk once again. Was that a sex noise? Er-er-er! It could be, it was just kind of an echo. You ever made your wife echo? In the canyons? Oh, yeah! So third year in a row, we’re talking about sex. We’ve done it differently, not just sex, but talking about sex every year. This year, we’re gonna do a couple episodes, this week and next week, where we’re using your prompts, your questions, your comments to kind of fuel the conversation. This week, it’s all about kinks y’all! It’s all about kinks, kinks, kinks, kinks, kinks. That’s a kink canyon. Yeah. Kinks Canyon. You ever gonna hike in Kinks Canyon? Link in Kinks Canyon. Yeah, your name rhymes with kink, so it seems like you’d be all about the kinks. I can butt right up against it. Ooh. Depending on. You know, you wanna keep sex stuff fresh. You wanna keep it exciting. At least I do. So for me, I like to be exposed to new things, and I like to expose myself to new things. Literally. I actually think that that is a really good principle– So I’m curious today. For people who have been married and screwing the same person for a very long time. Yes. And I think– That’s what we’ve been doing. I’ll speak for myself. I’ll speak for you in a second. I’m gonna tell you something that you don’t know I’m gonna tell you about, but I’ll speak for myself and say that I think– About me? Yeah. That my sex life has gotten better and better over my wife, you know, Jessie and I’s sex life has gotten better and better over the years. And I think that one of the things is, you know, learning each other, that kind thing. You still having sex with just her? Yeah, just her. Me too, with my wife. Yep, thanks for clarifying. But I do think that the paced out sort of boundary pushing, not pushing too fast, too quick, but not going too slow and just doing the same thing every time. Just slowly experimenting over the years, and trying to pace that out over the course of your marriage until you get to that part of your marriage where you don’t even want to have sex anymore, like when you get old, like real old. That’s a myth, man. Man, when you’re like 88, I mean, I’m sure there’s 88 year olds having sex, but I’m just saying their drive to have sex goes way down when you get to be elderly. I’m not talking about that. I don’t mean to get ahead of myself here, but gerontophilia is the kink classified as an erotic age orientation, where a person is sexually attracted to elderly people. Elderly people. Elderly people. Well, I’m calm. I’m gonna die early anyway– Romantically gravitate towards people who are older than them. For example, you know, you could have a 20 something person being attracted to somebody in their late forties. That could happen, you hear of that, but that’s not really– I thought you were talking about like grandma, grandpas. That’s not gerontophilia, because older does not always equal elderly. Gerontophiles are attracted to people aged 65 years and older. Gray hairs, white hairs. Well, let’s not say gray hairs, but I think it has something to do with the discounts, the fast food discounts. Oh, yeah. You go to Carl’s Jr’s or Hardee’s, you get that little discount. Senior discount. On some hash browns, and it makes you a little jalapeno horny! It makes your little jalapeno pop. Okay, so yeah, there’s people who– What I’m getting at is I think one of the reasons that this– These are the things you’re gonna learn today. This type of discussion is healthy, and how I’m gonna apply it personally is that I’m like, okay, what things can I take from these suggestions, and bring them back to the bedroom, have a consultation with my wife, see if she’s open to any of these things. You’re gonna have a clipboard? Yeah, I’m very scientific. I wear a lab coat when I have sex. A lot of people don’t know that, but just a lab coat. I’m completely naked, except for a white lab coat, because I’m like, I’m the professor! The doctor is clocking in. It opens in the front and it flips up the back. Yeah, I can flip it up. I flip it up if I wanna show my ass. Right, right. Sometimes I wear a stethoscope. Is it battery powered? The thing I wanted to tell you, my friend. All right, we’re already getting into it. We both have done this. neither one of us have ever grabbed this part– No, I have! I never grabbed the nodes, but I’ve done it before. I like to make sure it’s tight. But I actually was doing it before you, and I was thinking– It’s contagious. And I was thinking, I think I’m doing it sexually. It’s like yawning, it’s like a nipple. But you hadn’t done it, and then you did it. So I’m sitting here like fondling my mic nipples. Mic nipples. Go ahead. He’s gathering himself. We recently had sex in the same bed. Oh yeah, that’s right. I’ve got the exact response I was hoping for from Jenna’s face. That is right. Not at the same time! Spoiler alert! Gotcha! So, and your wife, your wife is the one who pointed this out in our group thread, by the way. She said it was the first time, and I was like, there’s no way that could be the first time. But then the more I thought about it, I was like, yeah, I think maybe it’s the first time. It’s the first time that I can confirm that to be true. I’ve never slept in one of your beds. Like, I’ve never slept, I’ve never house sat, slept one of your bed, or vice versa. Well, lemme tell you how I know, because you didn’t even have to tell me that you had sex in that bed for me to know you had sex in that bed, which is the part of the story that you didn’t know I was going to tell. What is going on? Well, give ’em the context. Link and I recently, with our wives and some other close friends, took a little weekend getaway trip up to beautiful Big Sur. Oh, what a wonderful place. One of the best places in the world. It’s just the fact that you can drive there in a half a day from where we’re at. Redwoods. It’s wonderful. Beautiful weather. Just a great energy out there, just a great energy. And an amazing coastline, pristine. We stayed at a little place where everyone is in kind of individual cabins. It’s the third year Christy and I have been there. We kinda have a pilgrimage first. Shout out to Glen Oaks. Yes, third time that Jessie and I had been to Big Sur, but first time that we had been to this particular place, beautiful spot. And we were staying with our friends in kind of a group of cabins, and then everyone left and y’all were going to go to a different place instead for a couple of extra days. Jessie and I had not really planned well in advance, but basically that last day we were like, let’s just see if we can stay here at this place an extra day. And the place that we were staying was like a two bedroom place with a, you know, with some other friends. And so we didn’t wanna stay there. We wanted to stay in the place that y’all stayed, ’cause it’s like its own little individual cabin. Yeah. And we checked and it was available. Backing up a second, the last day that we were there, Jessie and I– The last day that I was there, or the last day you were there? We were all there, we were all there. You were still there, that’s key. You know there’s that little, they call it the fairy circle, which is where the– It’s like 14 or 15 redwood trees in a circle. You can stand in the middle of it, you can look up. You think there’s 14 to 15 trees there? I counted ’em. If you count the little ones on the outside, but the big ones, there’s like eight big ones in the middle. The little, little ones, I’m not counting the little ones. They look like a pine tree. But it’s a phenomenon that when a redwood grows, and then I think it basically, it dies, but then it has its children trees around it. And so then it creates this like cathedral, and it happens in a number of places in that part of the world. Naturally. It’s awesome. It’s like literally walking into Nature’s Cathedral. Yeah, which incidentally, is that not where you took the photo, your selfie, that is your James and the Shame? Yeah, yeah. So my single covers for my album, I was trying to figure out, because I’ve got my album cover for the EP, but I was like, what am I gonna do for the singles? And I was like, oh, I’ll just use one of these pictures that I took it in that fairy circle. I didn’t have sex in the fairy circle. You didn’t. But Jessie and I were in the fairy circle together, and we were like– Should we? What is that noise? Oh, what is that noise? What is that ? What? I don’t what is happening. And honestly, I don’t know if it was you or your wife, but I heard y’all fucking, man, I heard y’all fucking, coming out y’all’s cabin. Are you serious? Into the fairy circle. And there was like music playing, but then there was some like , and I was like, I honestly, I can’t tell if that’s Link or Christy. I can’t tell. Don’t embarrass me, don’t embarrass me. So first of all, congratulations. It sounded like someone was having a great time. And we were like– Because that’s not something that’s happened either. It’s not like we’ve heard each other. It’s like, you know sometimes you just hear somebody having a conversation, and you’re like, well, I mean, I’m here, they’re at the table next to us, let’s listen in. No, but we didn’t do that. We didn’t listen in, we laughed, and then we walked to a different area. I didn’t stick around for the full show. Was it like ? That’s me. That’s his little glottal fry in it. Arooga, Arooga! That’s also me, I’ve been known to do that. I was gonna say, it was a bit cartoonish. So it must’ve been you. Yeah, there was glottal in there. It was like, whoa! The pitch of it was like, I don’t know if that’s a male or female voice. And I’ve never heard them have sex before, but they seem to be– You’re talking about when we invited Grover the Muppet to join our festivities. I will say, the first thing that crossed my mind when I heard it was that someone was in trouble. I was like, someone’s in trouble! Someone’s hurt. Don’t run into that burning building. It was like somebody stepped on a nail. That was the first thing, when the sound first started. Well, it’s a little bit bigger than a nail. And then it resolved and I was like, oh, someone’s having sex. Oh, that someone is Link and Christy. Step on my nail, baby. Step on my nail. So I heard your nail getting stepped on, and then I walked away. But then it hit me the next night when I was fucking my wife’s brains out that I was doing it in the same bed that you had the night before. Did they change the sheets, I wonder? It’s a hotel, man. They’ve got to change the sheets. Was there evidence of that? They were fresh, they didn’t smell like Grover. So anyway, I don’t– Hey, better to be… I feel a little bit closer to you and your wife. Okay. Because the thing is, is that I got closer to you and your wife, my wife and I got closer to you and your wife, but your wife and I didn’t get closer to us, because y’all went first. So that’s like, if you drink a drink after somebody, you’re getting a little bit of them, but they’re not getting a little bit of you. So I’m open to returning the favor next year. I’ll pick a room. Thanks for the offer, it’s just not what I want. And I want you to understand, I don’t want it to be on my mind. This is not the, I don’t believe that this means that we’re gonna have sex in the same bed at some point. Like, that’s not where this is heading. I’m just letting you know. It’s just we’ve been friends for 39 years. We’ve been married for 23, 24 years, however long, and this is a first for us. And I just wanted to say, I’m celebrating it. I feel close, I feel so much closer. And I don’t know if that’s a kink, having sex in a bed where your best friend just had sex, I mean, like 24 hours before. So I don’t know. Hold on, I just remembered I did step on a nail. No, I didn’t. You stepped on a nail in Colorado. We didn’t talk about that. Oh wait, let’s talk about that. You did step on a nail. But it didn’t hurt me. Well, can I say you one more thing before we get into talking about this? I really thought that I was in my own space and that, you know, you can make it when you’re out in the woods revving it up. It’s an old cabin, not a lot of insulation. I think you may have had the window open, to be honest with you. It was very clear. Oh man. Can I say something? I like vocalizations. And Jamie, Jenna, feel free to give me your perspective on this, because I’m gonna throw something out there that may be controversial, but I think it gives me, it feels like it gives me a little, like, freedom for us to just be honest as we discuss the kinks, right? So obviously, kink shaming is a thing that, as we have gotten more comfortable talking about kinks publicly, and I’m talking about we as a culture, the idea of avoiding kink shaming has come up, right? So you don’t wanna make, what is it? You don’t wanna yuck someone’s yum. You don’t wanna yuck someone’s yum, that’s right. You don’t wanna make someone feel less than because they’re into something that you’re not into. Right, and I should, you know, I’ll define a kink right quick, just to give that context. A kink is the use of non-conventional sexual practices, concepts, or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a bend, I.e. a kink, in one’s sexual behavior, to contrast such behavior with, like, more expected or understood, or you could even say vanilla sexual morays. And it’s in contrast to a fetish, which is a sexual attraction to objects or body parts of lesser sexual importance, or none at all, like feet, toes, or certain types of clothing. So those two things are very different. So that’s what a kink is, is like, you know, being turned on by something that’s not mainline sex. And can I just say that I think that what makes a kink a kink by the very definition that you just gave us is the fact that it isn’t conventional, it isn’t traditional. It’s a little bit subversive. That’s what makes it interesting to me. Subverting expectation, subverting normal practices. Maybe I’m misunderstanding kink shaming. I’m not trying to shame anybody, but if you’re into something that’s like weird, and I have like a “Ew” or a “Ha,” like I don’t know how to react to it, isn’t that because it’s subversive, and unconventional, and non-traditional, and isn’t that what makes it interesting, and a kink, and great for you? Like, why does everyone have to accept your kink? Isn’t the point that it’s not accepted by everybody. That’s what makes it a kink. That’s what makes it cool, man! I just don’t understand, why do we have to be like– It could be part of the excitement Every single thing that every single person is into is good. It’s like, well, every single thing that every one’s into, that’s your thing. Just do it, who cares what people think about it? I think there’s a difference. I think the line is not having a honest reaction to it, but then having a judgment about it. But I might have a judgment about it. Like a judgment about the person who likes it. If I found out that you like to shit in somebody’s mouth, I would be like, dude, that’s gross. ‘Cause I think it’s gross! But do I think it’s wrong, or I think you shouldn’t– That’s not on our list by the way. But I’m just saying like, yeah, that’s weird, man. It’s weird to want to shit in somebody’s mouth. That’s okay to be weird, it’s okay to be subversive. It’s okay if you do something that not everyone does, that people think is gross. Why do we have this additional insistence that you gotta think that me shitting in someone’s mouth is cool. Or am I misunderstanding kink shaming? It’s more of, like, people that kink shame will not add the, “But that’s cool for you” after. It’s like that’s the distinction. It’s like if you make fun of something, or if you’re making them the butt of the joke because they’re into this, and now you’re like, I view you in a different light and now you’re weird. It’s like, that’s the distinction. Whereas what you said, you’re like, I think that’s gross but you do you. I’m glad that you found what you’re into. I completely understand. I don’t disagree, I don’t disagree, but I also think– But we have to reserve the right to have just a reaction to the practice that’s separated from the practicer. I guess ultimately what I’m saying is that, like, but if somebody feels a little bit shamed, or a little bit judged because of someone’s reaction to their kink, I kind of still think that’s part of the kink. That’s ultimately what I’m saying. I think it’s okay, it’s part of human culture. It’s like things that are weird, things that are outside of the norm. I think it should be expected that– Own it! That if you are subverting expectations, you’re gonna ruffle some feathers. That’s kind of part of the, that’s the definition. If everyone starts doing something. It’s no longer a kink by the definition. Then you gotta do something else, I don’t know. Maybe I’m misinterpreting it. I think the thing that I’m curious about and interested in is the development. Experiencing new things in a consensual environment with, you know, obviously consent is paramount when you’re involving other party, or parties, I guess. So now that that’s been said. I think a similar way to look at it, if I may, is just like how you– You may, don’t even ask. Kind of like when you see Americans go to different cultures and try different foods, and make a very gross, over the top hatred of a certain culture’s food that is very much loved there, and it is their own thing. It’s like, you can dislike something, but be respectful of the said thing. I get that, I get that. My personality’s different– Ooh, I hate the taste of this! My personality’s different. If somebody tasted something that I really liked, I would be like, come on, man, you should like this! But if they were grossed out by it, it would just be more, I guess I could see that, ’cause it would be kind of annoying. It would be kind of annoying. And for me it’s like, oh, I hate the taste of this, it’s different. I hate you for liking this. Yeah, that’s true. That’s a big leap, and a strong line that we’re not gonna cross. Now if you want to feel like you’re having sex with us present or in our special place. Uh-oh, here we go– Of work, then yep, you can buy the GMM The Scent of Set. You can have sex with this candle burning, yeah. You could probably have sex with this candle, I don’t know. We may get to that later. We’re gonna talk about wax, but. It smells like all the things on our set, including our two bodies. We put our musk in there. And it’s good, it is a good smell. You can get this thing a mythical.com, and you can drip it on your body. Which is a kink. Yeah, if you want hot wax on your body, it could be the hot wax of GMM set. There’s ways, there’s certain– Don’t use this? I would not tell people that they can do that. This is a soy candle. You’re saying it might not be the right wax? It might not be the right wax, and if you don’t know how to do it, if you don’t now how to do it. The Scent of Set is not made for sex. Wax play involves dripping hot candle wax onto a sexual partner. It is a thing. It depends on the type of wax, and then also you wanna make sure, just as a disclaimer, blow the candle out before you pour. Yes, yes. Blow the candle out before you, okay. There’s a way to go about candle dripping. There’s nothing sexual on the bottom of our candle. It doesn’t say. Don’t tell people to do that, and then they do it and they don’t know how to do it. Do not put this candle in your ass, because it is– Yeah, it doesn’t have way. It’s glass. It’s glass, and it doesn’t have a handle to be able to pull it out. You’ll definitely be going to the ER if you do that. Just smell this while you’re having sex. You’ll be the story of the month at the ER if you put our candle up your ass. Also, on your first burn, don’t trim the wick and keep it lit for two to three hours. Trimming the wick is also a kink. It’s circumcision, and I am a participant. I don’t even endorse it, I didn’t have a choice. Ear Biscuits is brought to you by Betterhelp. If you’re like me, there may have been a time for you, maybe that time is now, where you’re dealing with racing thoughts, like you’re having trouble going to sleep because there’s that thing that you’re anxious about, or you wake up in the middle of the night and you’re like, ah, I can’t go back to sleep because I’m thinking about this thing. You’re dealing with these racing thoughts because the anxiety is hitting. Well, it turns out one great way to make those racing thoughts go away is to talk through them. Therapy gives you a place to do that, so that you can get out of your negative thought cycles and find some mental and emotional peace. And we vouch for this. We both experienced this through therapy. We’re huge advocates for therapy, and accessible therapy at that, which is why if you’ve been thinking about starting therapy, give Betterhelp a try. It’s entirely online. It’s designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you gotta do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Get a break from your thoughts with Betterhelp. Visit betterhelp.com/ear today to get 10% off your first month. That’s Betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com/ear. There’s times I wish I wasn’t circumcised now. What times are those? Because I completely agree. Because like, I don’t know, it feels like that– Having a full sheath. More protection for the special parts– Having a full sheath seems cool. I also think you can last longer, ’cause it’s like having a built-in condom. It’s not? It’s like having a built-in condom with a hole in the end. It doesn’t work like that. I don’t even know how? Have you ever seen an erect, uncircumcised penis? I guess? Well, the little mushroom head that you might have. I mean, it pops out, but then it goes back in to the foreskin. The foreskin is right there the whole time. So what I’m saying is it’s like having a condom that has the end cut off that’s going up and down as you have sex, And I think it lasts longer with a condom. Yeah, but that’s enough– This is what I’m curious about. It’s 50% coverage. It’s like a condom that’s on 50% of the time, and doesn’t have an end, and the semen just goes right out. It’s totally ineffective as a condom, I will say that. God’s condom. Foreskin is not God’s condom. It’s God’s ineffective condom. God’s condom? I’m saying for the sake of lasting longer. We know so little. Everything I just said is true, man! No, you said it was God’s condom. I only said that, that was a euphemism. Was it like that? Yeah, ’cause that was me. No, that sounded exasperated. Okay, oh. Sounded more like this. Alright, let’s get into some voicemails. We’re too far into this, so let’s get this some juicy, juicy. There was a problem playing this audio file. Lemme try again. I think it’s ’cause maybe I preloaded it. Oh yeah, you gotta refresh. Let me try that again. I thought I was doing something smart by having it preloaded. Juicy, juicy. Okay. So for GME, Link mentioned something about a butt plug and then never said anything else about it, so I’m gonna need an explanation for that. And you deserve one. Okay. Yeah, well, on Good Mythical Evening, maybe it was in the Good Mythical Evening More, I teased that I was gonna finally talk about my experience using a butt plug, if in fact I did. Because last year during our Sextember Conversations in this venue, we interviewed Emily from the podcast Sex with Emily, which we recommend if you want a more knowledgeable– You ought to hear her talk about a uncircumcised penis. Yeah, would probably be informative and not just dumb. She probably wouldn’t call it God’s condom. She was a great guest, we learned a lot, and she mailed us some toys, including a butt plug, because that’s when I learned that you had used one. And I felt betrayed because you hadn’t told me, and I felt like I was behind, you know what I’m saying? Pun intended, and I had to catch up. That’s not how it was, pun intended. It’s fine. First thing I did was I took the butt plug, and I slathered it with ketchup. Oh God. You know, you gotta make sure this thing is totally lubed up. Better than mustard. Butt mustard. Bust a nut with butt mustard. Can we say, available@mythical.com? Butt mustard. So it’s mustard flavored lube? No, it’s just yellow lube, but it doesn’t sting. Stingless butt mustard from your friends Rhett and Link. It’s the same consistency as mustard, so it just like, you can just kinda, you squirt it and it just stays in a pile. It’s for those that want their lube to be more viscous– You gotta shake it up first so you don’t get that just off-yellow pre. Put it on your wiener. That’s our slogan, double high five! Come on. I’m gonna spread my fingers. Come on, man. What, are you hiding something? I’m holding onto the chair. You got your left hand in your pocket. Are you about to bring out the butt plug? With mustard all over it? Now available! I was grabbing, I was grabbing the, you know, you know how you do it. Anyway, one high five. Here we go. Put it on your wiener. Butt mustard, put it on your wiener. Stevie would like this. Put it on your buns. This is is her kind of humor. Put it on your buns, put it in your wiener. Put it in your buns, put it on your wiener. Butt mustard, mythical.com. Back before we realized we didn’t wanna do a ghost kitchen, we were talking about doing Rhett and Link’s wieners. We got pretty far down that line actually. Well, we checked it out and we realized that we couldn’t get make food that we really liked. It’s hard to make good wieners. And this, of course now everybody’s talking about, you know, the Mr. Beast Burger, and his lawsuit against his own situation. Quality control, man. Quality control. And I gotta toot our own horn here. We backed out, we totally pulled out of the idea. But the idea was Rhett and Link’s wieners. Seriously. I mean, yeah. I was gonna have a hot dog, you were gonna have a hot dog, Stevie was gonna have a hot dog, Josh was gonna have a hot dog. There’s all these signature hot dogs. And plus I don’t really like hot dogs. I was like, I’m gonna have to really like this hot dog if I’m gonna start selling hot dogs. We also were like in the middle of the pandemic, when everyone is doing takeout. I’m a hotdog guy, and never once have I gotten a hotdog takeout, because it’s like, well, you’re gonna this hot dog that’s gonna get, like, transported to your house over the course of 30 minutes? You don’t want that. Are we still calling it butt mustard if it’s just lube? I mean, it’s not just for your butt, it’s for your wiener, or anything. But the implication is that we want you to put it in your butt. But I think that it comes with a little applicator. So Emily sent us a butt plug and… Just one. Yeah, and I scooped that thing up, ’cause apparently you already have one. And it was a nice– Got a couple. Deep purple color, and it kind of had, it was kind of, I wish I would’ve brought it. Me too, I wish you had. How weird would that be? I mean, it’s thoroughly washed. Just like those sheets up in Big Sur. Did you pull the sheets back though? No, man, I didn’t look under the sheets. Don’t look under the sheets. I didn’t even, honestly, I didn’t think about it until after. And then your wife is the one who sent the text, by the way, on our thread. Yeah, yeah. Just saying. Let’s see. So I had this thing for a while, and I didn’t use it. You’re just sitting there looking at it on the counter. And then I decided, you know what? I want to use it. Yeah, I left it on the counter. It was on the mantle piece. It was in the box in my bathroom drawer. Okay, yeah. And then I finally was like, you know what? I gotta get this thing in me. Like, we gotta get out of the drawer and I gotta get it into my rectum, ’cause I’m just curious about it, you know? I’m trying to remember how big this thing was. She was saying. She was saying that, you know, you could get quite a euphoric effect from it. And I don’t remember what you said to back it up. We’re so silly. I don’t know. I think I said that it was enjoyable to some degree, but not like my go-to thing. Try it every once in a while, but it’s not like, oh, I’ve gotta do this every time. I know some people are really into it, but that wasn’t, I actually haven’t, I don’t know, I don’t even think I’ve used it in 20, 23 years. It didn’t become a part of your like travel sex toolkit. You can leave home without it. I usually leave home without it. I was gonna bring it to Big Sur, and then I kicked myself ’cause I forgot it. But at the time, I pulled it out, and then I was looking at the instructions and stuff, and then I’m like, oh shit, I gotta charge this thing. ‘Cause it, you know it– See, that’s neat. I don’t have that. This one vibrates on different settings. I might be into that. And there’s a wireless remote control. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, not even wired. So somebody else can be in charge. Yeah, they could even be in another room I guess. You could wear it out. Yeah. People do, man. They could be across the table at an Italian dinner. Yeah, yeah. I’ve definitely thought about that, that sounds pretty cool. I haven’t done the whole thing where there’s like, ’cause they do, you know, obviously there’s ones that go in the vagina as well, and you can basically have something that’s like inserted, that you’re like out on the date and you’ve got a little remote control, and you’re like . Sending some morse code. The waiter comes up and right when she’s ordering, you’re like, . I’ll take the Alfredo! Arooga! Masala! Okay, so, when did I first try this thing? It’s been a while now. We had a special trip, we had a special trip. We were at a hotel, and I told Christy, I was like, I’m bringing this thing. I wanna finally try it, you know– Offsite, you didn’t wanna do it at home. Offsite. Don’t wanna desecrate the bedroom. I charged it at home when I thought I was gonna use it. It needed to be charged. And then I was like, all right, now I’m ready for this thing. And you know, it goes inside, and then there’s like a, what would you call it? It narrows so that your sphincter closes around it, so it doesn’t pop out. Yeah, and then it has a thing on the outside. So you can get it out again, a handle. It’s kind of like if you were mounting a deer head on the wall, and just picture the wooden thing that hangs on the wall that the deer head is mounted to, then you mount on the wall. What’s that called? The flange? Yes, the flange is the word I’m looking for. So if you were sticking a deer head up your ass. Yeah, right. You would wanna make sure that it was flanged, or else it would get stuck in there. You might have to go get a doctor to fish it out. Right, yeah. Right, but the rest of it is not shaped like a deer head. It’s shaped more like a goose head. Just picture mounting a goose head on your wall, and then taking it off, and then gently– That’s the only thing I got mounted on my wall. And then putting lube on it. Lots of lube, and also lube in your rectum as well. Did you do that? Yeah, yeah. And you know, you can kind of know if you’re… Ready. If you’re free and clear for a little entry, you know? It’s like you’ve, and then there’s, so right there, like right on deck, there’s not gonna be any issues. Yeah, you talking about poop? Yeah, yeah. You don’t wanna be, you want to have pooped earlier and then know that everything’s good to go. Right. You don’t wanna take over a bear cave with a bear in it. You know what I’m saying? You wait until the bear leaves, and then you go into the cave. I’ve literally seen, I was watching the TikTok of a guy going into a cave, and then all of a sudden he was just like exploring this cave, and then down even there, there’s a damn mountain lion. It’s like . Yeah, yeah. He’s like . Get that cave clear. And you know he did back out. Yeah, yeah. He did, he didn’t turn tail and run, which you can’t do with a butt plug either. It goes out the same way. It’s not like you’re doing a three point turn. Great analogy, great analogy. You can grab the flask and just pull it out, the flange. Unless you’ve got the model that’s attached to a flask. Slurp it up! So we were having some fun in the sexual arena in our hotel. I can imagine what that sounds like. Just re-access what it sounds like. And then I was like, you know what? I’m gonna try this at this point. Okay. So I reached over and I did a little lubrification. Honestly, I wish you had brought it, ’cause I would like to see the size of it because, you know, the kit that I got was three plugs. One really small, one medium and one large, and it’s a training kit because, in fact, I listened to one of Emily’s episodes where she talked to this– I listened before I did this too, just so I would know. The time that you need to get your asshole to adjust, there’s a number of things that are happening. So going, I don’t remember how big this one was, but going for it, like that’s– It wasn’t, it was a beginner. Like, she sent us that one on purpose, and it wasn’t an issue. Like when I put it in, it’s like, okay? I mean, honestly, it kind of feels like, at first it feels like you kind of have, you’re turtle heading. Yeah. You got a little, but then, you know, that’s not what’s happening. And yeah, it goes in past the sphincter, and then when you squeeze, you’re kind of naturally holding this thing in, just in a normal, relaxed, semi relaxed sphincter position. And then I was turning that thing on, and it was fun! It was a fun little, oh wow., and Christy was, you know, we were laughing, it was playful. She’s laughing at my reaction to it when I put it in, and then when I turned it on. I don’t even think I gave it to her. You didn’t let her control? No, of course you didn’t. Not at first, not at first. I wanted to just kind of know what was happening. I got it on a steady setting. It might have had like a mild pulse to it. And then, yeah, it was an added dimension of sensation to sex. And it was not only playful and fun, but it, once I got over the fact that like, yes, I accept the fact that it’s in there. Yeah. And it’s doing something. I was like, this is fun. And I liked it. I didn’t dislike it. I didn’t love it, but I liked it. But the big question for me was, would it help with some sort of… Orgasm, like the– Intensify. What’s the walnut? The prostate. The prostate orgasm. Because I was like so intrigued about that last year, and I wanted to experience that. Like, I mean, Emily talked that up. It was like, it could be explosive, like an explosive orgasm. And I’m like, that was the main motivator for me to try it. Secondary was all the other, just the fun and experimentation. But before we got there, we were like, you know, when you’re at a hotel and you’re having sex, you’re trying to, we had time, you know, we’re kind of drawing it out. We’re like, you know, it’s not just pick a position and make it happen. It’s like, hey, let’s reposition. Let’s maybe take a little bit of a respite. Let’s get a little bit of a sip of champagne. Oh, a little bubbly. A little change of position type thing. And I’m just keeping this thing in the whole time. Well, as you should. There’s no reason to take it out. I mean, you can wear this thing to an Italian dinner. Yeah, you just don’t wanna go to sleep in it. That’s what I’ve been told. Well, I wasn’t about to go to sleep. I’m just saying, take it out before you go to sleep. Okay, thank you. And one of these times that I was changing position, and I was kinda like trudging across the bed on my knees. Oh yeah, you popped it right out. And then all of a sudden this thing became a projectile missile, just soaring across the room. This could be GME next year, hitting the international darts. Yeah, I did! I was like– Shoot butt plugs together at the map. I mean, it bounced off Christy’s forehead. She was like, what was that? No, she was in front of me, and like all of a sudden she was like, what’s that look on your face? I was like, I have just fired this butt plug halfway across the room. I gotta go find it! So I’m like rummaging to get the thing. It happens. And, you know, shoved it back in there. I didn’t experience what I’ll call the walnut orgasm. That’s just what I’m gonna call it. That’s what it is in my mind. No, okay. Are you saying it wasn’t an orgasm that is brought on exclusively by the butt plug, or not an orgasm that is impacted by the butt plug? I feel like my normal orgasm was not, I don’t recall it being like fantasmically exponentiated. That was what I was hoping for. Well, if that was the case, then everybody would have one every time they came. I think I need, I might have tried it once since then, but it’s just a, I don’t have it in the right. I actually, I don’t know where I put it. Like when I was looking for it for Big Sur, I couldn’t find it. Well, it might still be in your ass. You know, something like when you’ve got your glasses in your hand. Where are my fucking glasses? Oh! Oh, it’s been in my ass for a year! I think you’d probably know. Now my experience with it– But I want to go back to it. It is my experience with the orgasm side of it that you’re talking about, it’s twofold because, I feel like I’ll start with a negative and then I’ll end with a positive. The negative for me is I feel like, and I think this is probably a mental thing, is I don’t feel like I fully accepted it, so that I feel like it has this dampening effect on the orgasm, the moment of orgasm. But then, you know how, and this is both, you know, men and women experience this. Basically, during the orgasm, there’s this like pulsating that happens. And if you look at somebody’s butt hole when they’re orgasming, it will be doing the thing, right? And if there’s a butt plug in there, that is very intense. Like, that part is very intense. Yeah, that’s post. You’re right. Sort of like the second half of the orgasm. So I’m kind of torn, not literally, I use a lot of lube, but I’m torn between those two things, and I feel like a part of it is just sort of, it’s a mental sort of– Kinda practice, we both need practice. I think one of the things that makes, that I’m kind of into, as related to it, is it does feel a little subversive, right? It feels like, oh, there shouldn’t be something in there right now. But it looks cool. That’s kind of what makes it a kind of appealing, you know, to me. If you’re walking around with it and you bend over, the flange is kind of a nice little– Well, you can get ones with tails too. You can get ones with a little furry tail. Oh! Yeah. I want to go back to it. I wanna find that thing, I wanna recharge it up. And this is a good reminder that I want– I haven’t done the the powered one yet. I wanna give it another shot. I might have to borrow it. Okay, yeah. You wanna know the voicemail? You wanna go down somewhere? Well, somebody said, it was Divorce Guy on Twitter. East Concerto said, “Sploshing.” It’s all Divorce Guy said, and I did not know what sploshing was. Thankfully Jamie has defined terms for us. In Sploshing– Jamie used to work on Sex with Emily’s podcast. Yep, for five years. Five years. You know a lot of stuff. You’re so bored right now. No, not at all, but it was funny because when you started talking about the butt plug, I put a link on the thing. I think I know which one you’re talking about, like specifically, and I wanted to see if I was right. We Vibe. Yes, that’s it. We Vibe Ditto. Oh, it’s got quite a flange. $97 from their website. Is this her proprietary product? No, it’s just one of her big sponsors, but I believe the– Do I wanna accept these cookies? Yeah, right up the ass. I think the reason why that flare is so big is it’s supposed to hit your perineum a little bit. Oh yeah, so it gets in the taint a little bit. I gotta get me one of these, Link! Back to sploshing. Two year warranty, discrete packaging. And this one comes with a really funny story that I don’t know if you remember, but you were there for it. It’s not what you think. Sploshing. If you’re turned on by mess, then this might be the kink for you. Sploshing is a kink that involves a sexual response or attraction to being surrounded by or immersed in wet substances. These are often food-based based. Think what cake sitting, Jello tubs, pudding. Pudding? You’re a pudding, man. But also might involve non-food substances, like shaving cream or anything like that that has a potential to pack a splosh. So this wouldn’t be, I like the idea of oil, like getting oiled up. But that’s different. And the only, I mean, getting really oily is fun. But you’re like, oh, what about the sheets, man, you know? Gotta change the sheets now, because we got oil on the sheets. Unless you get a waterbed and take everything off, and it’s just the rubber, and then you get oily on that. Never done that. Thought about it. But this is food, and we will come back to whether or not we think we’re into this. Yeah. But I wanna tell you a story. I don’t remember when this was. It was years ago. We were with somebody who we did not know well, and we were having some kind of like creative meeting, and at some point it was just, oh, now I remember who it was, but I’m not gonna say who it was. It was in this room, it was in this room. On the podcast? It’s not on the podcast. It was a creative meeting that was in this room. We don’t have many of those, but for some reason we had that. Okay. I think because some element of it was being recorded. And I don’t know how this came up, we were talking about so many different things, and it’s a brainstorming meeting, so things get wild and you just go everywhere. And he was like, oh, I gotta show you this video. I gotta show you this video. I don’t remember yet. I gotta show you this video. And he turns his computer around, and the three of us watch a woman, a naked lady. Okay? Sit her bare ass on a cake and fart. Why do I not remember this? ‘Cause you blocked it out, man, because as we was watching it– He was embarrassed. He was embarrassed ’cause he was like, oh, I kind of– Wrong video, or? No, he was like, I kind of forgot how sexual this was. And I was, yeah. It’s pretty fucking sexual, man. It’s a woman’s bare ass just farting on a cake. Were you gonna say what kind of cake? Yeah. What kind? Why the hell is that the first thing you’re thinking about? What do you mean, what kind of ass? What am I supposed to ask? I mean… What kind of fart? I mean. it was just like a white cake. Like a wedding cake? It was just like a white cake– Angel food cake? A flat top so you could put your whole ass on it, and then she farted. Great! I mean, I wasn’t not into it, but that really wasn’t the point of the story. What was his point in showing it to us if he didn’t realize it was sexy? He thought it would be funny. Okay, okay, And it was one of those things that you kinda remember, and when somebody says something, you’d be like, oh, let me show you this thing. Based on your reactions, Rhett and Link. I’m gonna show you this thing now. And then he was like, I feel stupid man, ’cause I just showed you guys a porn video. I can’t believe you don’t remember, but it was a good laugh. I’ll have to, you’ll have to refresh my memory. Now, you’re not really a mess guy. I’m messier than you, but I don’t like messes. I’m not one of those people that doesn’t go to the beach because of the sand, which is actually a really high percentage of the population. Me neither. After sex– But I don’t necessarily embrace it. I don’t wanna have to bring, I don’t wanna have to wear a hazmat suit after sex. You know? I don’t wanna have to, like, I don’t wanna have to bring in qualified personnel to do a deep clean. It’s just like– I think it’s the inconvenience. It’s the inconvenience. If I could go to a room. Right! If I could go to a place and it was like the Pudding Hotel, and it was like a place that they had pudding on tap. And I had been there the night before. The beds were full of pudding. Right. Fresh pudding, the next night that I go. This is a good idea. Like a kink hotel? Like you can pudding up your whole room, and it doesn’t matter because we’re gonna clean it. We’re gonna hose it down. Yes, it’s a rubber room. Yeah. It’s a rubber room, everything’s waterproof. Maybe it’s lined, and then the liner is removed. I think you’d feel pretty– That would make me comfortable if there was a liner over everything. Room condom. Yep, yep. God’s room condom. People probably do this kind of thing. Well, there’s like sex dungeons. You don’t wanna do it at your house, ’cause I mean, listen, half the time I don’t even cook because I don’t want to clean up. You know what I mean? Exactly. So it’s just like, I’m gonna be throwing pudding all around the room? Can’t do that. You got to have a designated place for this. But sitting on a cake is manageable. Yeah. You know? I bet it feels good to sit on a cake bare ass. I mean, it feels good to swim naked. It’s just near that. If anything, it’s a memorable experience. Like if my wife sits on a cake in front of me, I’m gonna be thinking about that for months. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Because then you’re eating the cake. And even in the middle of being mad at her, like two months later, I’m mad at her, she did something, I’m annoyed, I’m about to yell at her, then I remember her ass sitting on that cake, and I’m like, this woman sat on a cake for me. Yeah. I can’t yell at her, you know? So I definitely think that kind of thing, it could help with that. See, it’s a lot of assing onto on it. It’s just slathered with assing. We gotta get, like, maybe there’s a hot dog shaped cake. ‘Cause people can make cakes that look like anything these days. It’s like a photorealistic, large, extra large hot dog shaped cake that we then put our butt mustard on. Okay. For the commercial. For the commercial. For the inevitable commercial that’s gonna run as a pre-roll on Porn Hub. We make the best, we make the best cakes for sitting. Cake sitter. Get a cake, get the butt mustard, whatever you, mythical.com. Whatever you want. Get a babysitter and get a cake. Room condoms, full-size hotel room condoms. Right. It’s just a big plastic bubble. You have to blow it up yourself, and eventually it fills the whole room. No, it comes with a pump. It’s a plastic mold. It’s a bubble with an air compressor, and there’s an adhesive. It’s like a reverse vacuum seal. There’s an adhesive on the outside of the bubble that is activated by heat, and so you blow hot air into the bubble, and it seals the room. You go in there, pudding, butt mustard, bodily fluids– It is sweaty in there. Oh, but that’s the whole point! You’re sweating and you’re loving it. Oh gosh. And then you just check out– The moisture. You just check out and you just pull, you just pull the room condom out, take it straight to the dumpster. There’s a lot of waste. We gotta work on it, but it’s biodegradable. I do not want to walk past that dumpster on exit. Maybe we provide this service and we come and pick it up. Oh, you are volunteering to do the worst part of this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we come and pick it up. Hey, they’d pay good money for that. We’ve come, and we’ll pick up all the room condoms. We have a big van, a big sprinter van, and we just take it, stuff it in the back. We’ll take care of it. We come. You cum, we come. You cum, then we come. You cum, then we come. Yep. So we come to your house and do this? Any room. Okay. We have a deal with Motel Six though. Motel Six. Because we have a deal with motels, because we can back the van directly up to the room. Yeah. Half the time we’re like the Trash man. We don’t even get out of the van. Can we make the back of the van look like an ass, so when it backs up, it’s like the ass sucks it in. The ass sucks in the room condom. But one of us in, in our early days, one of us has to get out to grab the room condom nipple and attach it to the, just put it into the butt plug. Tie it, I think we might need cowboys. We need cowboys for this. We don’t tie anything, it’s all mechanical. It’s all the machines. I think at first you gotta have a cowboy do some sort of a lasso. Sucks it right in the van and then we’re off. Why not just the van is a sex van, and we back it up to your house. Oh, so it’s like the Bang Bus? Is that what that guy did that we interviewed? Remember when we interviewed the guy on here on Ear Biscuits, and we like– Tally, was that his name? We started asking him about the fact that he was in porn, and we were uncomfortable. Yeah, he was in a porn at some point. And it was in a bus. Yeah, ’cause there’s like a bus, I don’t know if they still do this, but– Bang Bus. There was a bus and it, you know, it was all fake, but they would make it seem like they just picked people up off the side of the road, and then had sex with ’em. A little exploitive. But the thing is he wasn’t, he didn’t perform. Right, he had a little performance anxiety, I think was the thing, you know. Did we ask him about that? I think we asked him indirectly, and he didn’t wanna talk about it. What? Yeah, I wonder why. I’m surprised we asked him about it. We asked a lot of, we asked some hard hitting questions on this podcast that used to have people on– I mean, we’re already at 56 minutes, but we haven’t even talked about that much. It’s gonna be a two-parter. I mean, we’re gonna talk more about some stuff. We’re having so much fun. Let’s hear another voicemail. Because the, well, the thing that the Bang Bus makes me think about, or like being a porn star, like if I found myself in a bus and then I was asked to bang. I mean, you were talking about exhibitionism right now, right, which is one of these. Some people really get into this. Where is it? Here it is. Exhibitionism is a sexual kink in which the person feels sexual arousal at the idea or reality of being seen naked or engaging in sexual activities by others. I think I’ve fantasized about being watched. I think I could go here. I think I’m open to, I guess being a porn star? That’s a bit of a leap. Is that a leap? or just, yeah, it’s like just being, I don’t know. There’s something about, I mean, I’m teetering on the positive side of this one. Like, I’m not afraid of it. Yeah. Now I’m not saying that if you put me in the Bang Bus that I could, I mean, I have no idea what I would, if I would be able to do it. I mean, that’s not taking into account anything about the fact that Christy and I are both monogamous, and we’re not gonna do that. But, you know. Well, you could have, I mean, there’s lots of people, there’s lots of couples that’ll do like an OnlyFans and not show their faces, but now you’ve got tattoos. I got markings. You’ve got recognizable things, I mean. But there’s some, you know, people who, you know, corporate executive by day, dominatrix by night kind of thing. So the door is open. In fact, this is the most exhibitionist point in human history because of the internet, because of the ease with which you can put yourself out there. I mean, obviously– So that’s, when you think about porn star, you’re actually, you’re doing what I do quite a bit, which is you’re thinking like an old man and thinking what that step would be. Really, it would be to have an OnlyFans. If you wanna show yourself off, that would be the thing that you would be considering. I’m just saying. I’m not suggesting you do it. I’m not suggesting you not do it, Link. But there’s a part of me that likes the idea. I mean, we’re already performers. We already put ourselves out there. So I guess I’m comfortable with a certain, I’m like over the judgment of it. I guess I’m confident enough that I don’t, I wouldn’t be too concerned about that. How much of it is, like, would it be fun? How much of it is an actual turn on? I don’t know. I probably will never know. We’ve talked about before the, when you go to a big city, when you go to New York and you’re in a hotel, and there’s the hotel across the way, or the apartment across the way. I definitely have found myself thinking leaving the windows open will be a turn on. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I like that idea. I think we talked about whether or not that’s like some sort of… Is it a practice? A violation of someone’s… Rental agreement? Well, ’cause it’s like if you go out onto the street and you show your dick. I mean, you can get arrested. That’s indecent exposure, that’s like– Right, and if they’re, you know, you don’t want someone who doesn’t wanna see, or someone who shouldn’t see. Right. I don’t remember where we landed on the whole across the street window situation. Yeah, I don’t think, I think we backed away slowly, and now we shouldn’t go back there. But yeah, there’s something, as long as, yeah, there’s something intriguing about it, but I’ll leave it at that. Where were you gonna go? Well, this is actually, I just see the title of this one. I think this is about something that’s really common that I don’t think either of us have done, and so let’s discuss it. Listen y’all. You guys are tall, you have shorter wives. It’s about damn time to try bondage already. Not like the scary intense kind, like the fun kind. Opens up a whole new world. Try it, I recommend. So we’re talking like– Handcuffs, being tied to the bed. Being physically restrained, like consensually physically restrained. So then it’s like I would be relinquishing complete control, and then there’s the fun of like, oh, what’s she gonna do to me? That does sound like fun. It may be a blindfold and handcuffs or, you know, you have the cloth things so you can tie somebody to the bed. Never done it. We haven’t done it. We’ve talked about it. The funny thing is, is that, with me and Jessie, it always is, we’ll try anything once, but I think that sometimes it’s just the inconvenience of it. Like, oh, you gotta buy this stuff. Yeah, I mean– Neither one of us are great planners. We’re not great planners. And so if you wanna plan something, you have to make the purchase, you have to have the stuff. You have to say, we’re gonna do this tonight. But there’s no like awkwardness at this point in our marriage, and really never has been when it comes to like, well, let’s try this or let’s try that. Our communication is super open, and our willingness to try things is super high. So I just think it’s on us to just be more, it’s not the openness that’s the problem, it’s the initiative. It’s actually being like, we’re gonna do this. Tonight, I’m gonna tie you to the bed. You know what I’m saying? I’m gonna do it. For us, it’s not the openness. Yeah. You kind of find a way to ease forward into things and try things and, you know, so yeah, we’re at that point where it is not an issue of openness in general. For us, it’s we’re very routine oriented. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it’s working, count on it kind of a thing. Our instinct is not to branch out. We’re similar in that way. I think that’s why the romantic weekend away, like get a hotel room for a night or two. I’m a fan of the two night hotel room, because then you have the whole day, and the thing that you gotta know is that the first sex when you get to your romantic getaway is usually gonna be the most amazing, unless you take care to understand what it could be, and that you don’t go too wild too early. Because if it’s the Friday night, and you’re going too wild and you’re 45, then you’re like, you know what? That was a big win. Now let’s just hang out by the pool. And it’s like, no. Saturday’s our big day when we have the most time. We’re gonna take our time, and we’re gonna have some things that we’ve planned, or some things that we’re bringing to the table, which may include some sort of bondage type stuff, or anything like that. That’s why the butt plug came into play. It was like, alright, I’m gonna save this for the second day. It’s gonna spice things up. I have this anticipation and excitement around it. Does that make sense to you? It does. I mean, I think specifically with bondage. I mean, this one is a super popular one. It’s kind of the first thing that people think about when they start thinking about kinks. If we’re gonna show kinks in a movie, you know, I never watched, I almost said “Grey’s Anatomy.” “50 Shades of Grey’s Anatomy,” my favorite porn. “50 Shades of Gray,” but my understanding is that there was some bondage stuff. ‘Cause it’s like, it’s the way to sort of represent what I might even call an entry level kink, which is why I’m kind of like, I’m almost ashamed of the fact that I haven’t done it. You should be. I’m kink shaming myself for having not done it yet, because we’re both into the idea, both willing to do it, but you gotta get the equipment. Blindfolds is super easy. We do have a blindfold and we have used that, but not as much. It allows you to focus on different sensations, I believe. I think for me, my biggest struggle in the whole sexual realm is my patience and taking it slow. I have to, you know, you’ve seen me eat before, right? You see how quickly– I’ve seen you eat food before. Yeah, right. And it’s that mentality. If, you know, I take a glass of chocolate milk and I drink the whole thing in about four seconds. And so my personality is very like, you know, I’m moving quickly. And of course I don’t, I have severely slowed myself down when it comes to sex, because obviously that’s not what my wife wants. And I’ve made it very clear that rarely do, let’s just say there’s that book, she comes first. That’s my policy, she comes first, so I’m not ever skipping out on that. Unless it’s like an occasional quickie where it’s just like she kind of knows this is just, she’s kind of just doing this for me, right? But that’s pretty rare in our relationship. But this mentality of pacing things out and saying we’re gonna take over an hour. The whole point to me is that this is becoming a process that’s focused, and it’s like, I’m gonna do some things to your body right now, and you’re not gonna know where I’m gonna touch you next, or what I’m gonna touch you with, or how I’m gonna go about doing this. And to me, that’s ’cause, we’re the same thing. I mean, I think this is, for couples that have been married a long time, I think you do get into the routine. It’s like, well, we do it this way and then we do this position. And if somebody is typically more of the in control person, to relinquish all of that, and if your ankles are tied, and your arms are tied, and you literally can’t move, it’s just like a physical, it doesn’t hurt, but it’s a physical manifestation of this is, I cannot, I am not in control. I am very interested in that. And I think it’s a lot like, it’s a little bit like a rollercoaster ride, you know? I think that there is a safety, there’s an underlying safety. And the same reason I like horror movies, and roller coasters if they don’t make me sick, is that you kind of know that you’re gonna be okay. You’re trusting the process. You’re trusting, I’m not going to get killed in this movie. I’m going to watch someone get killed in this movie, right? And so I think there’s an element of that with bondage. I think there’s an element of that with a lot of this stuff. It’s like, well, there’s some subversive going down. But with butt plugs, it depends on the velocity of the– You could die, you could die from a projective. Right. But I think that that is the thing. There is this sense of safety that underpins everything, but you’re doing things that, if I was with someone that I didn’t trust, this would be a scary situation. I think it’s okay to acknowledge that. It’s okay, I think that happens in role play a lot of times, which we can talk about a little bit and whether or not you’ve done any of that. But I think that there can be situations where, like, this situation wouldn’t feel safe if it was actually happening, but I’m doing this with my partner who I trust, and there is this sort of intersection of the trust and the subversion that happens that’s hot. Hot! It’s hot. I mean, it’s just, I mean, to me, it makes me think of just talking dirty. I say things that I don’t say in my normal walking life, Walking life? But in my laying life, I say some stuff. Now this one says role play, and I don’t know what it actually is. Hi Rhett and Link. My name is Amber Lynn, and I have a kink or something like that suggestion, specifically for Link and Christy. I think that Christy should try dressing up like Jade, and see if she finally gets the love and affection that she deserves and desires. Yikes. I love you guys, bye. Okay, I’m gonna kink shame this. That’s not, yeah. My relationship with Jade is a non-sexual, deep connection. Right. It is platonic. Right. But if Christy wanted to dress up like another doggy. Talking like a furry situation at this point? A doggy. Isn’t that one of the things that makes furry things? Makes furry things things the way that they are? I don’t know, honestly. Well, okay. What is your experience with role play? Like, how does that manifest itself? I don’t think, I’m not coming up with any instance where we’ve had role play. Really? Like… I would’ve thought that you would’ve. I mean, surely you use some voices? Sometimes I might use a voice, but no, I’ve never, we’ve never taken on alter egos, or set up some sort of situation, like we are pretending to be, well, like the mailman bringing your mail. That would be a good one. We love to do this. Sorting the mail. Now, I don’t do it as much– Can you help me sort this mail, ma’am? I don’t do it as much as I would like to, and it isn’t like a planned thing, but sometimes Jessie will be in the bedroom, and it’s about, you know, it’s about time to wrap things up for the night. And I kind of come in, and I’ll open the door and say something like, oh, excuse me, I thought this was my room? Okay. And she knows that like, oh, he’s acting like a man who just came into the wrong hotel room. She immediately, you know, she’s an actor. She’s an actor? She goes, very much a performance background, she goes into her– Her orgasms are very convincing. Yes. And then we kind of like play that out, and it’s most of the time– Impromptu! I’m trying to make her laugh. Are you dressed differently? No, I never dressed up. See, ’cause I think when I think of role play, I think of an extreme version where it’s like– That’s, again, now you get into the trouble and the inconvenience. And we actually, this wasn’t necessarily sexual, but it makes me think about, and I told you about this because it happened at the same place. Jessie was out at the fairy, this is right before I heard you and your wife having sex. I went out there and Jessie was in the fairy circle. Oh, was it that time? Yeah, and I was like, I’m going to circle her, and act like I’m a forest creature or something. And so I started circling, and I guess you could call this foreplay because we didn’t end up having wild sex until an hour later, but I wasn’t thinking of it as role play at the time. But I was just like, I started circling her, and then I was, well, we kind of moved out of the fairy circle, because we heard you guys and we were, and then we were like– Sorry. And went to a less populated place. And so I was like, this is gonna sound so strange. But I was like, I was like, you be the forest queen, and I’ll be the little twig boy who’s just trying to take a little twig out of the woods. And so I came out of the woods and I was like, and she was like, what are you doing? And I was like, I’m just a little twig boy. All I want is just to take a twig. All I want is just to take a little twig and be on my way. And so then I’m luring her into the woods with my little twig. Oh yes? And then when she gets into the woods, yeah, I mean, little twig, this is pre arousal. And I’m luring her into the woods with my, and then when she gets to the woods, I’m like, I’m not the little twig boy. I’m the big bad wolf. And so then we like did a little thing, we made each other laugh. Isn’t that romantic? But then what I, I mean, this goes deep. Some “Narnia” shit. What happens is, is that the wolf then realizes that he is the little twig boy acting like the big bad wolf, acting like the little twig boy. So did you get some or not? Yeah, but I’m just saying. I mean like, what? I mean, the fucking inception going on here. We had an incredible time just making each other laugh with this role play, but we love doing that. And again, I quit being the little twig boy and became the big twig boy later, and I was no longer using any accent. But sometimes it’ll be like, oh, I’ve got a sort of a weird accent or something. And there’s a lot of laughter involved in it. We make each other laugh. I think that’s really– And then I kind of drop the voice, and then I’m just myself again. Oh, but I thought you meant drop your voice. But the role play thing is fun, and I think that it doesn’t require any equipment, it doesn’t require any end preparation. You just come in the door, you’re a new man. Oh, I’m sorry. Is this is your office hours? You know, office hours today, Mrs. McLaughlin? Oh, Professor! I need some help with my, I need some help with preparing for the next psychology test. Maybe anatomy. Yes, for the anatomy test. Anatomy exam. And then the next thing you know, you’re fucking. I mean, after some conversation. Yeah. I mean, the playfulness that we’re discussing here, I think it really opens up so much. Like if you take time to have sex, and it’s not just, let me get a sip of champagne, or let’s take a lap around the bed. It’s like you prolong it, but there’s also conversation, and it doesn’t, sometimes Christy and I would be talking about stuff that’s like, it’s just like everything doesn’t have to be super sexually cinematic. It’s just like connection. You’re looking into your partner’s eyes. You’re laughing, you’re having a conversation, or maybe you’re just talking about something that, you know, you’re connecting on a cerebral level, and you’re hanging out with each other. And all of these things can, and then you can move into a more sensual place, and you can take a breather, and you can be in more of a, hey, we’re just hanging out. We’re still naked and we’re gonna go for it again in a few minutes, but like– What’s the refractory period, you know? You stretch it out, you know, and you don’t make it just about the conclusion, but you make it about the process. It can be easier to do that if the setting and the schedule is a little bit different, like on a vacation kind of thing. It can be easier. Exactly. It’s tougher sometimes you’re like, oh, well, we’re gonna have sex here before we go to bed. And it’s just like, okay, this is gonna be difficult to really commit to an hour long process here because we gotta go to bed. We got things we gotta do in the morning. And for me it’s like, if something, if I want to experiment with something, well, then there’s a risk of it not working. And then it’s like, you know, and then there’s a risk of frustration, and there’s a, you know, timing is involved and, you know, it’s a whole other discussion of bringing that getaway energy back into your normal day to day, or week to week, or whatever your desired pacing is. Let me, can I, I’m gonna just, I know, ’cause we’re pretty long, we’re gonna stop here in a second. But Jamie did this research for these different sort of lesser known things. Let’s go through ’em real quick. Rapid fire, I love that. Give me your reaction, are you into trying this. Okay. Abrasion, a BDSM subcategory, this involves becoming sexually aroused from harsh or scratchy surfaces, such as sandpaper or steel wool. A little pain, a little pain with your pleasure. Steel wool, no. Sandpaper, I don’t like, I don’t know. I guess if it was rubbed in the right place? Like a cat’s tongue, like sandpaper level? I’m not saying I’m gonna involve a cat. I’m just saying I don’t like the idea of getting hurt. Steel wool rubbing on my skin? I don’t know about this one. I need to know specifically what to do. I’m sure the internet could tell you. Hashtag Ear Biscuits. Actirasty? I don’t know if I’m saying that right. There are a number of fetishes that revolve around the weather. Now these are fetishes, so you kind of like, either you’re into ’em or you’re not. Kinks are more like, try it. Fetishes is like, do you? Is this your disposition? But I guess you can maybe explore it. They revolve around the weather. There’s brontophilia, the sexual arousal from thunderstorms, chionophilia, the sexual arousal from snow, actirasty, the sexual arousal from rays of sunlight. No. I mean, I would like to have more sex outdoors. That’s as close as I can get. Well, the opposite of that is claustrophilia, which is the sexual arousal produced by being confined to a tight and close space. The sensation of being physically trapped can lead to sexual gratification for someone. I think, I’m not claustrophobic, I don’t like being in tight spaces, but I think the idea of being in a space that two people really can’t fit in, and the only way to get out is to have sex. That’s pretty hot. Like the key to get out of this escape room– Is between her legs. Yes. I have the key, she has the lock. That’s the only way out, I kind of like that. Keep going. Well, we could have a number of escape rooms. We could have, I’m just saying, if we’re gonna do this whole room condom thing, and it’s actually just a van. Yeah? I think there could also be a coffin in the van if people want to get into the small coffin. Also, it’s also lined. Okay, yeah, so let’s not call it a coffin unless we are gonna call it a coffin. This is actually not uncommon, and I think my impression is that the Gen Z-ers are really into this. Maybe I’m just old and out of touch, but erotic asphyxiation, which basically it’s the choking thing. That seems to be– So you reduce your oxygen level to your brain while you’re ejaculating or orgasming? Yeah, I mean, some people end up pushing it so far that they end up dying. This sounds too dangerous. But you guys tell me. Isn’t this becoming really common? Yeah, it’s something that you hear a lot. A lot of people are, the one complaint is a lot of people just assume you’re into it, and then just try to kind of go for it. Which is not good. ’cause obviously you wanna make sure people are comfortable first, but also there’s a certain way to do it. You don’t wanna grab on where they can’t breathe. You wanna like do it a little farther out instead of like, if you try to grab just where the Adams apple is, you’ll actually, they won’t be able to breathe and they’ll pass out. But if you do a little light on the sides of the neck, that’s where it’s less dangerous, just for those who want to do it. Yeah. This is scary. Do you think that this is, I mean, surely this is the case, that this is an effect of people watching a lot of porn? Like, everyone’s seen this. Everyone sees these things done, and that’s a really common thing to be done in porn. And people are like, you got all these young folks watching porn, and they’re like, I’m gonna try that. And so now it’s kind of become this thing that a lot of people are doing? Yeah, 100%. I’m not making a particular judgment about it. I know very little bit about it, but it feels, especially when it gets into the, like, I’m gonna do this without asking, without talking about it before, because– Hell no, that’s horrible. This dynamic is something that I’ve seen in porn, which, you know, not to mention, we’ve talked about this before, but, like, the number of step sibling shit that’s happening in porn right now. It’s like, this is, talk about subversive. I’d much rather sit on a cake. Right, yeah. Next. You can choke a cake all you want. Let’s not go dangerous. Rapid fire! You might be into this one, Melolagnia. Melolagnia is a fetish that involves being turned on by music. Now this doesn’t definitely mean having a go-to Spotify playlist when you have sex. Which I do, I do have that. But rather experiencing strong sexual reactions in response to music, and also fantasizing about certain songs or genres. The arousal can derive from a combination of the musical elements, including the singer’s voice, beat, repetition, or even the quality of the composition. Wow. Wow. I don’t go any further than, like, the content of like, you know, I like to DJ my sex sets, and that’s important to me, ’cause music means, it’s so much, it impacts my vibe so much. But there’s certain songs that are like, the content is very fantasy driven, and it’s very specific. It’s very visual, very sexual. Do you go all the way to Ginuwine, like “ride the pony”? Womp-womp-womp. Because that makes me laugh– That’s a bit of a sense of humor in that. Now, we will listen to something like that, but I actually find myself wanting to listen. Occasionally I’ll pull up music that I actually don’t like, that I would never listen to outside of a sexual encounter. Like an erotic playlist where it’s like, this is like something that you might hear in a club in Croatia. You know what I mean? This is a different kind of like Euro thing, and there might be some like orgasmic sounds that are being thrown in there in some ethereal, ambient way. Sometimes that, ’cause that makes you feel a little animalistic, but I would never listen to that music because I like the music. But I feel like that music indicates some sort of action, some sort of atmosphere and mood. You want to go with some sensual drums. Right. Whereas if you’re listening to Barry White, can’t get enough of you, little Baby. To me, I’m just kind of like, this is just funny to me. We’ve done it though, and it does work. I have done it as well– From a tempo standpoint. I’m in the kind of like, is this your room, like, I’m making you laugh, role play type place. But when it’s just like we at our core are two animals who were put on this earth to fuck and reproduce, that’s when you want some, You know what I’m saying? I’m just saying, that’s just– It’s my rec today, I’m gonna go. Since we’re on this, I’m gonna give a rec. Okay, all right. Okay, this is my recommendation. Travis Scott’s new album, Utopia. It’s pretty great. And you’re saying this is a fuckable album? The song “I KNOW?” Is. It’ll slow things down and it can give you a really cinematic experience. Yeah. Okay, cinematic. It’s not like a slow jam, and it’s not, don’t get too caught up in the lyrics. I don’t. The vibe, the vibe was, that’s my wavelength right now. “I KNOW?” That’s one of my favorite songs off the album. I also love, “Twin bitches, twin bitches, twin bitches hopping off the jet ski.” Okay, well, that could be an interesting role play. You gotta get a big mirror for your wife so she can come in with a life-sized mirror, and she’s twins. She got that twin bitch mirror. Hey, I’m helping. We got a mirror in the van. We can turn your wife into twins. I’m gonna tell you, it hurts to fuck a mirror, man. Yo, you gotta make the right choice. You gotta know if it’s the mirror or your wife. Right, right. But it’s just really that concept that you’re exploring. Okay, well I’ve had a really good time today. I didn’t, just ’cause I gave my rec didn’t mean it was over, but I mean, we’ve been going– It’s almost 90 minutes. We’ve been going so long. We’re gonna talk about sex again next week. You know what, I recommend having sex to this episode. Let us know how that goes. Hashtag Ear Biscuits, leave us a voicemail, and if you wanna record the whole thing, 1-888-Earpod1. We will not play your sexual encounters on this podcast, even if you send them. So next week, yeah, we’ll be answering more of your sex questions, ’cause man, we’re just having too much fun. We might revisit some kinks. Hashtag Ear Biscuits, join the conversation. Hi, I am just listening to the most recent episode about Link dropping Lincoln off at college, and I just have a question for Link. At what point between spilling the Diet Coke and dabbing your son’s crotch with a napkin did Little Michael show up? Thank you! To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous episodes of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left. And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical best.