Good Mythical Weekend. Today is all about not cracking the worst joke, because if you do, you get an egg cracked right on your head. And with that, welcome! – Wait, this is so. – Hey, guys! We’re back, it’s Good Mythical Weekend and we’re usually wearing shirts that you provide. Well, you’re still wearing shirts. Well, but you didn’t provide them and now we have to get an egg all over us? Well, if you have the worst joke, you have to get egg all over yourself. I just hated those shirts before and now I. Now you miss it. I miss the shirts. I have a wedding to go to after this. Okay, and with that, it’s time for Joke or Yolk. Okay, so here’s how this is going to work. We were all given a list of topics beforehand, and we’re asked to bring jokes under those topics. So every round we’re going to play is based on one of those topics. So, one player is going to start. We’ll start with Jordan. Jordan, you are going to spin our little egg situation. You’re going to choose an egg that you would like and you’re going to place it in front of you. Then you’re going to tell your joke. Then Emily’s going to tell her joke and we are all going to collectively decide which of the two of you had the worst joke and that’s who the egg is going to next. We’re all going to tell our joke for that topic and somebody’s going to wind up with an egg at the end. You don’t know if the egg is hard boiled or if it’s raw, but you’re going to find out because you’re going to crack it directly on your head. You know what I’m saying? You’ll either go to the hospital or you won’t. Okay, so. This is great. I’m going to hit myself with bacon later, one way or the other. At the wedding? At the wedding, yes. It’s a Greek wedding. What does that? Okay, so the first topic is face tattoos. And Jordan, you are up first. I think I found the egg I want. Ooh. Face tattoos. If you have a face tattoo, you’re either a dangerous sociopath or the softest, sweetest art school guy in history. If you ask someone with a face tattoo what they’re doing today, they will either say, Selling heroin to children, or doing a cover of the Sailor Moon theme song on my ukulele. Face tattoos. Face tattoos. Yes, it is important that you bookend both at the top and at the bottom with the topic. Yeah. That’s good, that’s good. Alright, face tattoos! I love dating guys with face tattoos. Because it makes it easier for the cops to identify the guy who stole my Blu-ray player. Oh, this is the part where we have to tell you one of the jokes is worse. How do we want to do this? Matt, you would like to judge. No, I don’t want to judge. I think they were both equally good. But if I had to choose which one I liked better? I think I like Emily’s better because she definitely actually got her Blu-ray taken by a guy with a face tattoo. I believe that Emily has both had her Blu-ray player stolen and also stolen a Blu-ray player, so I think her joke is my favorite. It was a gift that kept giving. Sure. Okay, it looks like you’re keeping the egg. I’ll keep the egg. Sorry, Jordan. No, that’s okay. I’m just, I’m just glad to be here. I’m having fun. Yay! Okay. Some indigenous women mark important parts of their lives as face tattoos. So, like, they commemorate the first time they got their period with a face tattoo in some tribes. Which is almost as painful as the way that I commemorated the first time I got my period, which was bleeding through a Limited Too tankini in front of the whole Hamilton Lake Swim Club. The, the specifics sold that for me. Very specific. I also, Limited Too, rich. I didn’t feel rich in that moment! No, you didn’t! I had my first wet dream into Target jean shorts. Why were you sleeping in jean shorts? Cause I run cold, okay? Oh, man. I like the feel of denim. Listen, I just sat myself at a table with some of the funniest people that I know. So you have to, I have to get some points just for like, you know, being here. That was solid. That was a solid one. That was great. Very personal. So where do we think the eggs should go? This is who we think still has the worst joke? Yeah. I’m gonna keep the egg with Jordan. I’m sorry Jordan, I thought it was a great joke, but just a little less personal than the other two. Sure, yeah, and I know people like personal details, and it was punchier too, you know? Right, it’s also just about female trauma, is kind of what, it seems like the way. Think about that for the next joke. Uh huh, yes, I saw Barbie in theaters, I saw Barbie in theaters. Opening weekend! Thank you, yes, Barbie. Greta was robbed. Okay, Matt? I have a joke. Okay, good. Jelly Roll has face tattoos. Post Malone has face tattoos. But, how come a guy named like Greg Goldstein doesn’t have face tattoos. Like, are you required to have face tattoos, but only if your name sounds like a breakfast cereal mascot? Post. Post. Yeah. Jelly roll kind of. You don’t, you don’t eat Goldstein for breakfast. No you don’t. Not unless you’re Mrs. Goldstein. Hey! Hey! Cut that out. You know what? Leave it in. I don’t know. Just for that. I think the egg goes to Matt. I think it goes to Matt. I thought, I thought that was solid. Don’t touch it! Don’t touch it! No, you know what? If you got a good tat, then it works. Tag. I’ll say the word. It’s okay. It’s alright. I wasn’t about to cry. Okay, Jordan. And me? Yeah. Okay, you know what they say about face tattoos? If you got a really bad one in college, get bangs to cover it up. Is that what they say? That’s what someone told me. What do you got going on over there? Just bangs. No questions. You wanna see what I got going on? Yeah. I just had my hair dyed and the skin is still red. That’s a face tattoo. That’s, yeah. That counts. So, gotta have bangs for that. Well, things are good. Yeah, they’re good, they’re good. Okay. Alright, who gets the egg in the end? I think that Jordan’s gotta get the, the, the, I mean. Jordan, would you like to say anything to Emily? Well, [BLEEP] you! I thought it was just good advice. I thought that’s what this was, a good advice contest. That’s right, it’s a good advice contest. I mean, I think maybe mine was better than Matt’s, but worse than Jordan’s. – So, does he have to come back? – That’s right, yes! Yeah! So, you won the egg, then, basically, is. No, Matt gets the egg. I think, maybe Matt? I’m the most comfortable taking the egg, because I don’t want you guys to fight anymore. I just thought Matt delivered his joke with the least amount of confidence. Okay. That’s just how I do it. That’s true. Matt Lieb’s special sauce. And you know what? People don’t like it. People want me to be confident. Are we gonna start creating like rivalries based on our opinions now? Yeah, I wasn’t anticipating this. And it’s gonna happen. I am now seeing the flaws in my joke. Okay. And I think I will take the egg this time. Whoa! What? That feels like you’re trying to get points for next round so you don’t get an egg later. Here’s my secret. I like having eggs. Oh no. Whoops. No one kink shame him. Thank you. Okay. Who’s doing the egg? No, I’ll do it. I’m taking the egg. – Okay. – Wow. I’m taking the egg. I’m going for it. Okay. Okay, remember, like. It was too long. Jokes shouldn’t have nine parts. I don’t know. I don’t know what kind of egg this is going to be, but. We don’t know. It might be really hard, so. Where do you guys recommend I smash it? Like, right here. Eyes. Eyes. Get some shell in the eye. Okay. Oh! Oh my god. That was so hard. It didn’t hurt that bad. That’s good, that’s good. Silver lining. Oh my god. Honestly, it’s good luck. There’s a lot of egg in that egg. Beautiful. Thank you. Where’d you get that egg? A lot of egg in that egg. Now we know, now we know how it all works. And we can go on to the next topic, which is just a hot one in so many ways. The topic is Taylor Swift. Oh, great. And, this time, we are starting with Emily. Oh, I’m honored. Okay, before, before your joke, you have to pick an egg. So, let me reset this guy, and then give it a little spin. Pick out your egg. Okay, I like this one, it’s pointy. Sure, good choice. Hey, can you get Salmonella on your head? Jordan, you keep crying it on this one piece of hair. I’m gonna help you out there. Alright, Taylor Swift. You know, I think I’m a lot like Taylor Swift. You know, she writes, songs about her exes that make millions of dollars. And I write jokes about my exes that, give me enough money to buy Lava Lava Shrimp at Margaritaville. I like a good specific. I love Lava Lava Shrimp. I like it. You’ve seen me eat that. Oh, yeah. You’ve seen me eat that. When you’re at Margaritaville, you get one Lava Lava Shrimp for the table, and you get one for Emily. That’s right! Okay. This is hard for me because, I was, I’m a little bit of a Taylor Swift fan. Swiftie. But, you know, her recent tour, Eras, was aptly named because It feels like it’s been going on for [BLEEP] eras. And we keep talking about it. There’s nothing swift about it. Ooh, two! Dang! Hey! Double pun! That thing started in the Bronze Age! It really did. It really did. We’re here, we’re here, and it’s the topic. And I’m sorry, Taylor, who’s obviously watching. I have a Taylor Swift joke. Okay, but the egg has to go to someone. Oh! Listen. Alright. There was shrimps in your. I love the shrimps. Shrimps? I love that you did, you know, you had tags. I said the F word. I love that you said the F word. The F word. It’s the weekend and you don’t give a F I said the F word. You don’t do that often. As much as I did like the Lava Lava specific, I think Stevie’s was a little more on topic and it actually used Taylor specifics, so slight edge to Stevie in my book. Sorry, Emily. We did get two jokes with Stevie’s, so I think it’s kind of like, how can one joke compete with two? Yeah, alright. I can’t argue with that. I’m a quantity guy, not a quality guy. Am I fired? Is that setting up your next joke? Stevie, yours was the Costco of jokes. I have a Taylor Swift joke. Oh boy. Taylor Swift’s music is perfect for every occasion. As long as that occasion involves over analyzing every glance from a boy you thought is cute in theater class. Theater class is a good specific. Yeah. That’s true. Yeah. I mean, I’m, a Taylor Swift fan, so. It’s, I mean, the boy, the boy crazy thing, just, you know, I would say, I would put the egg over here, but I You can give me the egg. Give him the egg. You can give me the egg. You can give me the egg. I don’t know if that sets you up poorly, Jordan. No, no, I think it’s good, because I can’t really make any jokes about Taylor Swift because we are both lesbians who can’t sing. I can’t, you know, game, recognize game, I can’t say anything mean about her. It’s very good. Amazing! Amazing. It’s very brave. Would you like to eat an egg? Do you like eggs? I think you deserve a prize. I would just love to not get doxxed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Taylor, if you’re watching, mine was nice. Taylor Swifties, if you’re watching, I’m good. That was amazing. My turn? Yeah. Taylor Swift. I’m so terrified of Taylor Swift’s legion of fans that my jokes will be about 90s folk rock legend, Joan Osborne. Hey Joan Osborne, what’s it like performing If God Was One of Us in 2024, and having the staff of the county fair you’re performing at tell you to make an announcement about half off funnel cakes? Hey 90s legend Joan Osborne, you’re so 90s you should do a tour where you open up for a Sega Genesis and a pile of bucket hats. Hey Joan Osborne, glad to hear you’re new album is coming exclusively to CDs you buy in line at Starbucks. Taylor Swift. An egg was dripping from the side. Yeah, yeah. Egg and sweat and blood. And we thought yours was the Costco. Yeah, I know. Just wait until you hear from the Joan Osborne fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll never be able to set foot in an REI again. I’ll take the egg. I didn’t even do it. No, no, no. That was great. You did a lot. Yeah. You did a lot, and you know what? And you avoided getting doxxed by Swiftie. So I think, I think this is on me. Eggs up. Eggs up for you. Put it wherever you want. Can you guys like CG this in post? Come on, Matt, you got this. Oh! Wow. None of these are hard boiled, are they? You can tell us now. One of them’s hard boiled though, right? It went in my water! Now it’s poached. We’re having fun. Here you go. I don’t want it. It’s the weekend. Oh my god. Okay, next up. We have the topic of Burning Man. Burning Man. We’re moving away from Taylor into Burning Man. Okay, Matt, you’re up. Great. Let me reset the egg. Yeah, gotta make sure there’s more yolks. Please choose whatever you want. Okay, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, you! Good choice. Burning Man. You think that they named it Burning Man because they burn an effigy of a man at the end, but that’s not why they call it that. They call it that because that’s what happens to white people when you party in the desert. Yep. Yep. I think you should’ve just stopped at party in the desert. I think you trailed off and I think that. – Trailing off is part of my. – Okay. This is, you don’t understand my way of telling jokes. I like to add a little bit at the end and trail off, it’s fine. Okay. I guess for me I just wish Burning Man was a little bit more literal of an event, because I wish that every person who goes to Burning Man could be set on fire. Yep. I thought you were going in a lesbian direction with that one. I can always go in a lesbian direction. Because I want to burn men, like. That’s not lesbian. What do you think a lesbian is? I don’t know, I’ve only seen sitcoms from the 90s. That’s fair. Matt, you’re keeping it. Burning Man. You know, when you walk into Burning Man, someone greets you and says, welcome home. And that makes a ton of sense because when I go home every night, I kick off my shoes, make a glass of tea, put on my steampunk bird mask and [BLEEP] an entire jam band. Jordan’s jokes are so long! Bulk! This is what I like. I like bulk. I like a lot. Wait, is that true? It is true. I’ve been. You have? You’ve been? I’ve been. That sucks! I remember, because you got your balls washed. I got my taint washed! Yeah, yeah, don’t make it weird. Are you even listening when I’m talking to you? No. I’m bad at paying attention. What does that mean? Yeah, I mean, what’s the darkest tier of Mythical Society? I’ll talk about it one day. You guys have an eighth tier? It’s like Dante’s Inferno. Yes! Like there’s a taint washing station? I was tooling around Burning Man. Go on. On my little bike. Because that’s what you do. I was tooling around the playa. Yeah, the playa. And a guy flagged, flagged us down and he had one of those sprayers, you know, how like you used to water a plant with some kind. Yeah. And he’s like, may I wash your face? And you’re like, oh yeah, he washes our face. He’s like, can I wash your arms? He washes our arms. Like, can I wash your taints? And I’m saying yes to life. I, presented, he washed it, and then he looks back at his buddies and yells, 34! 34 taints he had washed? I think he’s keeping track. Or was he guessing your age? Yeah. You can tell by the rings. Yeah, you can tell by the rings from the taint. Like a mighty oak. Wow. So much of straight culture is so gay. Yes. It’s beautiful. I was freed. Did you get your taint washed at Burning Man? – No, I just. – You went? Yeah, I went to Burning Man. Yeah, yeah. No, I just, I just had a lot of fun. I just had a lot of fun. I don’t know how much fun I could say I had on camera right now, but I had a lot of fun. Yeah, it was great. So you don’t remember if you got your taint washed? I don’t remember much of anything. All I know is, like, about six months later, I got clean and sober. And I was. And we’re proud of you! Yeah! And your taint’s been filthy ever since. But I still think you’re keeping the egg. Yeah. Okay. Burning Man. Behind every good Burning Man, is a great burning woman, desperately searching for the morning after pill. Oh, I like that. I’m giving the egg to Emily because I don’t get it. I like it. So the sex is happening at Burning Man? Oh, yeah. I see. So, give me the egg. Okay. Well, I mean, my joke is basically just like half of your joke and half of your joke. Oh, the worst parts of both. Which is a good setup, right? It’s two setups. A good setup, right? Yeah, like, you know, many people think Burning Man is named after the wooden statue of a man that you burn at the end of the nine day festival. But actually it was named after all the loads of chlamydia everyone received after the first festival. And then, so then, yeah. So the first year it was just called Man. I like that. My favorite part was loads. Loads of chlamydia. How many? 34! 34! You know, I’ve sat with it longer and I’m gonna give the egg back to Matt. Yeah, yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. Okay. Did you want the egg? No, I just felt like I deserved it. Come on. Matt deserves it. I deserve it. I’m the problem. I’m still mad at me for that lesbian joke. I’m better than this. Oh, it’s me? He’s sober, he’s gotta get his kicks up. – Absolutely. – This is his only adrenaline rush. Yeah, I know, seriously. Alright, Matt. You got this. God, I’m nervous. Yes! It’s hard boiled! It’s hard boiled! Did it not hurt? It did! But at least I’m clean. Can I eat it? That looks old. It looks a little over boiled. It’s got a lot of hair on it. It’s a little over boiled. I got excited because I’ve never heard a Jewish person do the Serenity Prayer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s good. Yeah, we have serenity in Judaism. Matt, you and I are going to have such beautiful coats after this. Yes. Don’t they, like, give raw eggs to, like, prize show dogs? Probably. I think they probably do that, too. Okay, that segues us. And I can win the Westminster dog show. Yeah. Into our next topic, which is Mona Lisa. Jordan you’re going first. Let me reset your egg, also if you did not know what the Mona Lisa looked like, looks like, here. Oh, okay. There she is Beautiful, all right, right Okay. – All right. – Nice egg choice. Thank you, I love the Mona Lisa so much that I named my OnlyFans sexual alter ego after her, Lisa Moan-a OnlyFans. Sexual alter ego. Yeah. I don’t know if it’s the egg or if I just don’t understand it, but I still love the way you said it. I’m getting a text! OnlyFans is crashing? No! Too much traffic? My crotch is too strong! Mona Lisa. You know, a lot of people say the Mona Lisa is surprisingly small, but you know what’s surprisingly big? The erection she gives me. I’ll keep the egg! I’ll keep the egg. I just love art. I’m nuts about it. Damn it! That’s my favorite joke. You’re nuts about it? I’m nuts about art! Oh man, I don’t think this is going to be very good. Okay. Oh sorry, was yours also about your boner? My erection, yeah. Oh, what are you gonna do? It’s about my taint being washed by the Mona Lisa, no. That’s why she’s making that face. I find the Mona Lisa very relatable because I too am on antidepressants and mood stabilizers at the same time. I just think history people are gonna come for you. Yeah. Yeah, that’s true, they didn’t have that back then. Poor Mona Lisa. That, I mean, it just I, made me a little sad. Yeah, well you should take the stuff I’m taking. And everything is just fine. Oh, she saved it with that. Everything is just okay. That’s a nine out of ten. I feel neutral. That’s the type. OnlyFans. Sexual alter ego. Or, make me sadder, than I already am. And that’s what I was considering. I’m not the judge here, though. It’s okay, I can take it. I can take it. This isn’t final. But maybe Emily gets the egg just due to historical inaccuracy. Alright, fine. You have to remember, Matt will tell worse jokes. So, there’s no set. The joke won’t be worse, but he’ll tank it. Matt, you’re a hilarious guy. We love you so much. I love it. You could be mean to me. Little known fact. The Mona Lisa is actually the first documentation of when a man told a woman to smile more. Yeah. I’ll take that. That’s accurate. No, no, I’m just bummed out about the patriarchy. Yeah. Matt, can you? Hey, you should take whatever. This is Mona Lisa. She is not smiling. If you think she is smiling, you have a lot of restraining orders in your future. Oh, God. Damn it, Matt! Okay, here we go. Oh! Oh, yolky. It’s fun cause she’s our boss. Oh, on the face. Just like at the Christmas park. OnlyFans. Sexual alter ego Www dot onlyfans.com slash sexual alter ego Lisa Moan-a Now we’re gonna have to, now we’re gonna have to make an OnlyFans again. So that we can have that. But it’s only sexual because you say the word sexual. Yeah, absolutely. Nothing else about it is. No, it’s my sexual alter ego. Okay, Jordan, you’re up next. Let me refill the egg. And the topic is Alaska Airlines. Alaska Airlines. Okay. Okay, Alaska Airlines. Alaska Airlines. Alaska Airlines always gives me such great deals. For a hundred bucks, I can get more leg room. For fifty bucks, I can check a bag. And for thirty bucks, I can go [BLEEP] myself. Oh, boy. I think I just have a new, slogan for Alaska Airlines. They’re probably looking for a new one. I don’t know what the current one is, but, you know. Alaska Airlines, be original. Join the Mile Down Club. I’ll keep it. Thank you, Jordan. That makes me feel great. Okay. Okay. Did you guys hear about the off duty Alaskan Airline? This is not a, this person’s not a joke. This is real. Okay. There was an off duty Alaskan Airline’s pilot at the end of last year that took magic mushrooms for the first time, and then sometimes they let the off duty pilots fly in the. Airplane? The cockpit. The cockpit. And he freaked out, and in order to wake up from his bad dream, he tried to shut off all of the engines on the flight. I did hear about this. And when they asked for further clarification, the bad dream was actually just the fact that he was on an Alaska Airlines flight. Nothing to do with magic. She got us! I liked that. That was good. You tricked me. She took us on a journey. Oh, I’m gonna get the egg. I just know it. Alaska Airlines. I have an Alaska Airlines joke. I need participation. – Okay. – Okay. I need you to ask me, hey, is the door gonna fall off of this flight? Hey, is the door gonna fall off this flight? I don’t know, I’ll “Alaska” That’s good! No. These were good! Matt! Yeah! Matt did a good one! Thank you! So good! It was fun. It was the delivery of defeat. It was good. It ended with the face on the table. Which is, yeah. That’s how I end most of my sets. What you’re saying down there is funny. Yeah. It’s me and you, Myrick. Well, the last time I was on Alaska Airlines, my fiancée and I wanted to join the Mile High Club, but she flew off the side of the plane and she joined the Mile Die Club. Oh! She’s dead now. Oh no! It sucks. No. Now I’ve forgotten what your. For 30 bucks, you can go [BLEEP] yourself. I like that. Listen, I don’t think it was bad, but was it, you know, was it not as good? Was it less interesting? It might have been. I think we had a lot of innovation this round. Rock, paper, scissors for it. I’ll just take it. Yeah, I don’t know. – I’ll take it. – I feel like I was. It’s a little variety, if anything. I mean. – You know. – I’ll take it. You see, I’ll, thank you. What if we just cook them? It’s the, yeah. What if we just cook and? What if we all just have a nice veggie scramble? Yeah, and go watch a movie. Listen. You got this. Ooh! Oh! Hard boiled, hard boiled. Hard boiled, hard boiled! Grandpa’s weird lunch. Grandpa’s weird lunch. Oh, that’s it. And we’re done. Guys, this was really fun. – That was really great. – That was a nice time. That was great. So funny. I would smash eggs on my head with you anytime. How do you still look hot with egg on your head? Oh. Good job. And on that note. I will be getting a raise. There’s more Good Mythical Weekend next Saturday, so we will see you then. Thanks for watching? Yeah, thanks for watching. Bye! Bye!