This episode is sponsored by Autotrader. You see a car in a movie you just watched? Well, you can find it on Autotrader. Shop millions of new and used cars on Autotrader. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Link. And I’m Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are answering your questions. Thank you for asking. Asking them. It makes us feel alive. It makes us feel useful. It makes us feel like we have a purpose in life. If you stop asking questions, we will become nihilists. And we won’t believe in anything. Yeah. We will believe in nothing. We will have no purpose, no meaning. And we will shrivel up and die in this source of entertainment that you enjoy. We’ll go away. But nothing is something to believe in. That’s right. And we’ll focus on that and we’ll try to be positive about it. So, don’t worry about us. This will be the most positive, nihilistic podcast out there. Okay? My throat is a little, I don’t know what it is, man. I just can’t shake it. Can you tell by the way I’m talking? I wasn’t going to say anything, but you should be a little embarrassed. Uh, you know what happened to me? Okay, yeah, I was only talking about me, so go ahead about you. Well, okay, what else? You’re a little bit sick? Okay, yeah, that’s entertaining. What happened to you, man? I, uh, I have been trying to, um, wean myself off of Flonase and, uh oh, why? Well, isn’t that a, uh, allergy medication? Yeah. Well, I take two allergy medications. I take the Flonase, which is the nasal spray, and which is a, it is basically, I think it’s like a steroid. It’s like, and then I take the, uh, the daily pill, like a Zza or a Zyrtec. I’m on the Zza right now. I’m on the Zza, man. You getting, you getting zzz on some zza. Yeah, man. And, uh, you know. I don’t want to be on this forever, and actually, they say you should just go on for six months at a time. But then when I talk to my, a doctor, he’s like, I’ve been on it for 15 years every day, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. So when a doctor tells you that, you’re kind of like, well maybe I shouldn’t worry too much about it. But anyway, They say the same thing about antacids. Antacids say on the thing, don’t take it for a longer certain amount of time. I don’t want to tell you the latest stuff on antacids. Don’t because, uh, It’s bad. It’s bad. Early onset dementia, uh, stroke, lots of things. Well, I’m not on it. Christy is. Well. Because, I don’t, I mean, there’s, it’s, it’s very difficult to find an alternative. Yeah. Which she’s working very, she’s working hard at finding an alternative. You’re talking about like, travel sick! Yeah. They sell it over the counter, which is, you know, I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. What am I talking about this for? Let me talk about my health. Yeah, why are we talking about this? Because. Because. I was like, all right, I’m gonna just try and I should have weaned, you know, because I I just do one One spray in each nostril in the morning. That’s all just one and um You’re not addicted to it, you just do it every day. And, uh, well it’s not addictive. That’s not, it’s not like, uh, antihistamine. The line is, I’m not addicted to it. I’ve been using it my entire life. So that’s, that’s a different thing. Just so we can be clear. That’s an antihistamine nasal spray which has a rebound effect and you should not use. This is something that you can use but there’s some reasons for why you wouldn’t want to do it. I don’t know. I looked it up and I’ve already forgotten. But I was like, maybe I’ll stop. But then, yesterday, I woke up. And it’s been one week since I stopped. I wasn’t going to talk about this until you started talking about your health. I uh, yeah, I shouldn’t have done one one week. I shouldn’t have triggered him and I woke up and my nose was running violently and Okay, so let’s get to our first voicemail and I had this uh, Board meeting i’m on a board if you didn’t know that. Um, i’ll tell you about it later I’m on for a for a non profit and I and I was on the video call and You I was having to, like, I was having to get up over and over again to blow my nose and, like, mute myself and it was awful. It was in, it was like an hour and 45 minute meeting. Oh. And I I’m sorry that happened to you. And, and then I was like, I broke down. I didn’t cry. I was just like, I gotta get some more, I gotta Snorted it. So I went back in there and And then I’m like Asking the internet, well, ChatGPT, let’s be honest. How long does it take before Flownate stops working and you have a rebound? It was like anywhere from a few days to a week. And I was like, damn it! That’s just what’s happening. But then I was also like, well, I can, I can solve this. And then I was like, did the thing and I was like, how long until it starts working again? And it was like 12 to 24 hours. And last night, 12 hours later. So the drug works, man. It works so good. I’m so glad I live in 2024. I got these drugs, man. But you’re afraid of what it might be doing. It’s not going to give me a stroke or early onset dementia. No. It’s not f ed. First of all, let me just say. He doesn’t know. Why don’t you bleep out me saying the brand name because I don’t want to be sued by Big Pharma. Seriously? Yeah, I said a brand name? They got more money than anybody, man. I don’t want them coming after us. That’s true. Let’s just cut out the whole thing about, let’s just start over. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about everything except their health because it’s triggering and it puts Rhett in a bad headspace. I shouldn’t have done it. But he did. I’m Link. And it’s still here. And I’m still Rhett. Let’s listen to a voicemail. Hey Rhett and Link, it’s Daniel. I’m calling, uh, to ask, uh, how should I propose to my girlfriend? Uh, we’ve been dating since junior year. All her friends and family up in Arlington, Texas. Shout out. We now live in Austin. Hook them horns. She wants something private, but she’s where it’s just us and a photographer. She doesn’t see in the bushes, but then she also wants her friends and family. So how would you recommend proposing to your longtime girlfriend? I’ve planned to propose, uh, end of 2025 after I passed my professional engineering exam. So we’d just love to hear your thoughts. Been listening since, uh, you had a, uh, Free, free song for your intro. I got, first of all, let me say, uh, I’m happy. I thought for a second, you were going to say, I plan on asking after I pass. Right. Period. Okay. From the beyond. And ain’t going to work, but it’s passing the professional engineering exam. First of all, there’s no guarantee you’ll pass. So you better study hard. If you, if your reward is getting engaged, let’s just, let’s just study hard, Daniel. I also just want to give you kudos on your energy. Thank you. And your voice and how you really pepped me up and I think that if I lived in the Hookham Horns place We could be friends, you know, you might be down to party a lot of people move into Austin Maybe we will nope not gonna do it not gonna do it. It’s hot and the politics are weird The politics are weird in the state. Yes, that makes it exciting man. Um, okay. It’s not well The politics are are exciting. We’re not you’re not in a bubble. We need to get out of this bubble You But the weather. Uh, okay. Um, but Daniel. You got any ideas? I like your vibes. I’ve, I’ve got what I feel like is a strong strategy, but I’ll, I’ll let you go first so I can show, uh, I can give him a better option. Okay, that’s, that’s fine. Um, first of all, just to summarize what his request is. He wants to make her happy. She wants a private engagement where the only other person there is a photographer hidden in the bushes, but she always wants, she also wants her family there. Um, okay. This is tough. First of all. Just let her plan it, you know, let her propose to you if she’s got this many opinions about it I mean talk about threading the needle. You can’t have nobody there and everybody there You can’t have nobody there and somebody hidden in the bushes. Hmm, you know, she doesn’t want to know anybody’s there But she wants them all there. Okay, here’s the You know what? The problem is the Internet if it weren’t for the Internet. None of this would be happening I think this is a little bit of bullshit right here. You know, it’s like I’m glad before the Internet We didn’t see everybody’s, we didn’t see everybody’s marriage proposal in its full glory. Oh, look at what I came up with to do, and look at how they responded, and isn’t this viral? Now you gotta do the same thing. It can’t just be about two people having a special moment in a milestone beginning of the next big phase of their relationship, which hopefully will last until death do you part, you know, half the time it is in divorce, you know, so you got to take that into account. Um, get it as we talk. I will refer you to the prenup advice that we didn’t give last week about how to get on the side of prenup without knowing. Which I’m sure no one had any comments on. But before the internet, people just got engaged and they told their friends and they showed the ring and it was like, oh my god, and I’m talking about us here. Before all of this internet video, boy, it’s really ruined everything. Except for my career. Hey. We just, you know, when I got engaged, you know, I didn’t even, I did it by accident, like literally, I was good, I was planning to make plans to do it, like a couple weeks from then, but, you know, um, love got the best of me, and I’m down on one knee in my in laws front yard in the middle of the night, and it still worked. Did I get a viral video out of it? No, that’s fine. I don’t even have a video of my wedding because the guy who did it forgot that the battery needed to be charged. And so I don’t have a wedding video either. Doesn’t matter. I have almost 25 years of marriage. You don’t need this. Do it for you. Don’t do it for other people. Now. Okay. All right. That’s one perspective. It’s just, you got, it’s, it’s too much pressure. It’s too much pressure. What you need to be figuring out is how to stay married. You know, you need to go to pre marriage counseling. That’s what you need to do. You need to have pre emptive counseling therapy for your marriage. It needs to be something that you budget for, and that you go ahead and you work those muscles. Put more energy into that, Daniel, and less energy into some cute, viral escapade that makes it about everybody else. Okay, great. So, uh, that’s one option. That’s A. We’re going to give you multiple choices, because I do, I do feel like maybe we should have a B, C, and D. Well, no, I don’t want to take forever on this question, but that’s option A, if you will. Um, option B. Okay. I think you can have your cake and eat it too. And, uh, I’m not talking about cunnilingus. Um, I am talking about how you can combine the two things that you want, or your fiance wants, which is a photographer and a bush and friends, but privacy at the same time. Now, I’m going to give you a little bit of a, um, I’m going to let you rip off my idea that I used. Which was, uh, very well planned and very well executed. The ring was present and presented at the same time as the proposal. It really went very, very well. The only thing it didn’t have is it was not documented because that wasn’t something that happened at the time, but what you should do is, is you, now this is going to be a little bit interesting because you’re in Austin now, and it sounds like you may have fallen in love in a different place. I can’t remember the other place somewhere else in Texas. Maybe it’s not too far. I think this is worth it. I think you traveled back to the place that you fell in love. And that your love was cultivated. You’ve been together since junior year, so wherever that was. And what you do Probably behind some bleachers. Is you go to a series of special places that represent special moments in your relationship. This is what I did with Jesse. And then, it culminates with the most special place. For us, it was the bench in front of the macaroni grill in Cary, North Carolina, which is where we met and had our first long conversation, right? That’s where the deed happened. Not sex. Yes. That’s where I asked her to marry me. What are you, what are you trying to say? And what you do is you go on this little escapade and at every spot you’d, yes, have a photographer that is in the bushes. You’re going to need two photographers because they need to alternate because you don’t want to have to go too slow. Oh, so you got to have a photographer in the bush and then you got to have a photographer waiting in the next bush. You got to have an advanced party photographer. This is worth it. The other thing, you have a friend. In the bush as well, a big bush. So, well, it could be a different bush and it doesn’t have to be a bush. It could be in a tree behind a tree. You could create like a duck blind. There’s a number of different things that you can do to hide a person. Here’s what I think you do. You because duck blinds can be made to look like bushes. Have you seen them? You can get ’em on Amazon. No. That’s the point, right? Yeah. You can get at bush blind on Amazon. You can have a photographer and a friend in there. Why don’t you just dress ’em up like bushes, you know, like that. There’s that like a gili suit. Yeah. Like put ’em in Gilly suits. Well, that might not, that might work against the next part of my plan, which is when you get to that place, that special place, you have something that you say. About that moment and then you have that friend and if that friend is also associated with that place in that moment, great. They come out and they have a little something that they say that they’ve preplanned. Don’t let anybody go off the cuff ad libbing that we’re not doing that. If they need a note card, if they’re that kind of person, they need to read, let them read. If they can memorize, let them memorize. They have something that they say about your love and about this and then you proceed to the next thing. New photographer. Photographer A, photographer B, rotating, new friend, maybe you do two friends and they alternate with the photographers, maybe you’ve got five friends, I don’t know how many friends y’all have. So at each step, someone important to her comes out of the bushes and reads a speech off a card? Or in a ghillie suit. Okay. And That bush is talking and then you get to the final destination at the final destination. You’re going to need to take a circuitous route because what we want at the final destination is we want both photographers and all friends there and we might need a giant duck blind or we might need a lot of ghillie suits because we do want them all there but you don’t want her to see it at first. She may have picked up on the pattern at this point. I don’t know how smart your fiancée is. Either way, you get to the final thing, you’ve got two perspectives. You want two photographers because you want an OTS, that’s over the shoulder in the business, shot of each of you. You don’t want a side profile shot, that’s amateur shit. You want OTS. Hell, let’s throw a third photographer in there because we need a wide of this situation so we can see the people. And then, so there’s photographer C who’s just been stationed here at this point the whole night. Could be drone. And then you’ve got, could be a drone. And we’ve got a and b don’t violate the 180 degree rule. Everybody’s on one side. Your friends are behind you We’ve got a good close up of her. We’ve got a good close up of you. We’ve got a wide shot Everybody’s in a ghillie suit. We’ve got a drone operator We call it this camera person d at this point for drone and also the fourth person Right, and they are circling overhead bush is flying you it’s a bush you begin Your actual proposal at this point you don’t need anybody to say anything Anything, because at this point, your friends are there to clap and say, Oh, and all the stuff that they’re going to do after she says, yes, that’s the plan. I love it. You might as well go ahead and bring a preacher and just get, get it over. Just like, this sounds like wedding level planning. Just do it all in one shoot, sign the prenup and get divorced. Do it all at the same time. I’m sorry for being a little negative. I’ve got a tickle in my throat and it’s really throwing off my mojo. Daniel, Daniel. Option C would just be to say you’re going to buy a ring and then propose cause you can’t help yourself way too early. Yep. Highly recommend it. Uh, before we, good luck with that. Um, and if you want to tell us how smart your fiance is, call us back because, uh, I think that is a good question and that we might have to revisit our answer. And also, this is a good time for us to remind you, you see how. We help you. You see how, when you ask us a question, we give an answer. We give options. We give two options, maybe three options for things that you can do in your life. And we’re both, we both have engineering degrees. And the thing is, is that we can only answer questions if you ask them and you can do that by calling 1 888 EARPOD 1. Please do it. Please give us a call. Ask us a question. Don’t sound so disc. About you. Well, here’s, I just want, I want, I’m, we’re trying to shape this podcast a little bit, if you haven’t noticed. And a lot of times when you ask, we ask you to ask us questions, you ask us questions about us. Now, as you can see. Boy, we’re over that. Questions, Things about us, they come over us, they come out in the answers that we give for you. I just told you about my proposal. Link just told you about his. But what we, what we don’t like doing is just answering more questions about us. We’ve been doing this for 20 years. I don’t know how long, almost 20 years. We’ve talked about ourselves so much. We’re tired of it. We want to talk about you. We want to help you. Ask us questions about you, not us. Okay. I feel like when I got you talking about your health, it kind of, it kind of puts you in his, in his head space. No, I think I’m in a great headspace. And I feel like I’m really negative. I’m not negative. How am I saying you’re negative? I didn’t say you were negative, I said I was negative. Okay. Well, I’m sorry. How are you, how are you feeling right now? I feel really good. I’m about to help people get clothes. Does the Filone’s working? Oh, yeah. It’s back. You’re back? A hundred percent. Okay. All right. Uh, you need clothes? Uh, well, we sell them. Uh, Link’s wearing one of the things you could get. It is the Good Mythical Mycology tee. Mycology is the study of mushrooms. There are a series of You know, GMM themed mushrooms on the back. Things like, uh, Stink make me horn. Because, you know, like, horn is a type of a mushroom. And then we’ve got, You know key what time it is. It’s a bunch of puns like that. Mushroom puns. It’s a great color. It does not come with a dog. But you can get it in two styles. Dark green long sleeve that Link is wearing. Plus a mauve tee. And, uh, it’s all available at mythical. com. Good work, Rhett. Let’s hear another voicemail. Hi, Rhett and Link. My name is Jen. I’m from Ohio. Um, I have a question that might be a little bit blasphemous, so if you don’t use it, I won’t be offended. Um, but I’m wondering, if you were Jesus, and a church was going to give out, uh, little crackers and little wine as Eucharist for you, um, what would the food and drink of your choice be? That people are gonna eat and drink Um, thank you. Love you. In remembrance. Wow. You do this. I feel awkward about answering this question. I have asked you this question before when we’ve been out. Oh, you did. You did. Uh, I remember this. This is just another day talking to Jenna. So how do you feel about the fact that I was like, Boy, I feel really awkward, and then you’re like, Oh, we talked about this type of thing. You were semi uncomfortable when I first asked you. Oh, really? Like, as well. Yeah, yeah. You can’t be Jesus. Only Jesus can be Jesus. But you could have your own imitation religious movement. Lots of people do that. Alright, alright. And so this is not, This is not a critique of Christianity. This is just, if we had like a counterfeit, uh, substitute, or, you know, our own little culty religion with, you know, a meager two dozen followers, you know. Okay. This is not sacrilegious. Do you want me to go first again so you can clean up the mess, or do you want me to go second this time? Uh, it’s your preference. I feel like it worked really well last time. Okay, alright, you go first. So people would forget about what I said. This isn’t advice though, this is just, this is actually a personal question I just said, I didn’t want to answer personal questions, but I, Hey, this is a fun, personal question. Okay. This isn’t like, you know, you guys stay friends for so long, I need to develop an answer. So bear with me here. I think that it needs to be, I mean, alcohol, why not Just a little, and it’s a little bit so. That seems like a shop. Okay. Like having wine at church was always intriguing and depending on what type of church you go to is, do you get real wine? Do you get grape juice? What do you get? You know, it’s like, I wonder what you’re going to get at the, at the link worship ceremony. I think it needs to have a little kick to it. It needs to be a shot. Um, it doesn’t have to be fireball, but it doesn’t need to be expensive either. Um, so I’ll come back to that because I do think it needs to pair well with what’s being eaten. And, you know, It needs to be quiet. So it can’t be like Doritos because that’s gonna people gonna be munching on that need to be reverent. It could be kind of fun though for everybody to be chomping and crisping and crackling. I do not remember the answer we gave before Jenna, but if you do, you’ll have to tell us after we give our new answers. But I have what I think is the perfect answer for you. But I think I think I’m going to have to go. I mean, peanut butter is always an option when it comes to. Us and eating things it’s quiet and it can be really gross if everybody has to use the same spoon which Actually is part of it adds to the communal effect. I mean At some churches or places they’re drinking out of the same mug They, they’re like, well, communion. That’s how communion was always done. Passing a cup at, at some places there’s a big thing of bread and people are plucking pieces of bread and touching where other people’s fingers have touched. And at some place people put places. There’s like papal officers who are touching your mouth. Touching food and then touching your mouth. Sticking it on your tongue, yeah. Yeah. Touching the inside of you. Well, not really. They’re touching, they’re placing it on your tongue. They’re probably not actually touching the tongue. But you know that some people’s tongue is, kind of reaches around and touches a little bit of the finger. I think they get pretty good at it. Maybe in the early days. So there’s really a trust. It’s like, Hey, whatever y’all got, I’m gonna get. We’re in this together. So, there’s a big thing of peanut butter. And people are just like taking a little, a little, a little bit off, like you’d lick a little bit off of an ice cream cone. So a big pot of peanut butter where everybody’s got a little spoon? And then I think I need, alright, fireball. Fireball it is. Fireball and peanut butter. Or it could be a, uh, Espresso martini shot on draft. I think that’s what I’m going for. Cause it’s probably going to be in the morning. So it’d be a little pick me up too. I mean, I respect the alcohol choice here and you get the peanut butter. And if you have an allergy, I feel for you, but you have an out to not be a part of my religion. Yeah, to not even show up. If you’re giving out peanut butter, people will know nut allergies are not even showing up. This is probably good for you, you know. Um, I kind of think you should have just said pudding because it’s a liquid and food in one. Oh my god, Rhett. Pudding shots. You’re the pudding man. Alcoholic pudding shots. Who do you worship? The pudding man. How do you worship him? Well, pretty much we just eat pudding together. Yeah, yeah. And then once a month we eat special pudding. And it’s a different flavor. So basically, every Sunday. Is that your Sabbath? Uh, Or are you a Wednesday guy? Sunday? Saturday? I like Sunday brunch. You’re competing against all the people going to church though. Exactly. I’m doing like a Thursday. You have to make a choice. I want people who are also going to regular church to come to my church. Oh, you want them to flirt with you? You want to have a little, a little transition period and then they’re like, Oh, I don’t need to go Sunday. I went Wednesday to the RET thing. What are you eating? Thursday. Thursday. Because Wednesday you’re still competing with church, right? We had some Thursday night growing up too, didn’t we? So maybe sometimes. Sometimes we had dinners. We got very fervent. There were dinners. Um, well, You know, cause I feel like I changed my answer to pudding. The, uh, I feel like the essence of The Last Supper was, you know, I think that the reason that it was bread and wine was because that’s what they were eating anyway, right? That’s astute. Um, it wasn’t like Jesus was like, what shall I be? Bread and wine. He was just like, he used what he had to work with to make the, uh, Analogies that he made that he was so good at making and so he’s like, okay, they’re eating what we always eat bread and wine. They’re probably always going to do this. Here’s my opportunity to say something about how I’m this. And they should always do this in remembrance of me. You know, something like that. Yeah, yeah. As often as you do this, do this in remembrance of me. Here’s the thing. Jesus started a very successful religion. That feels like a huge responsibility. Mm hmm. And, uh, I actually am not interested in, uh, I’m just not interested and I am interested in a small but loyal group. Okay. Sounds like you’re building a small group. So yeah, so I’m going to weed people out from the very beginning and my drink is going to be Blood. Caffeine free diet Dr. Pepper. Okay, I’m out. Which, let me just say right now. I am out. My wonderful wife, she knows that I love this, and I think I have already said before that you cannot get caffeine free diet Dr. Pepper at the regular store, not least any store that I know of. And I was watching some football, American college football, on the weekend. And uh, Dr. Pepper Don’t use the accent. Dr. Pepper is a big sponsor of college football. And in the commercial, at the end of the commercial, they show three cans of Dr. Pepper like toasting. And it’s always Regular Dr. Pepper, Diet Dr. Pepper, and Dr. Pepper Zero, which by the way, Dr. Pepper Zero, one of the best inventions people have ever come up with. Better than Diet Dr. Pepper, you’re saying? Yeah, in the same way that Coke Zero is better than Diet Coke. The thing about Dr. Pepper is that the flavor is so strong and you don’t like Dr. Pepper because of the sweetness, you like Dr. Pepper because of the Dr. Pepper ness. Which is why it’s very easy for people to migrate to a diet, Dr. Pepper, but when you have the, the Dr. Pepper zero, you realize that there was a little bit of sugar taste in there that you really liked and it’s wonderful. And it’s a beautiful can. It’s a beautiful can, but they don’t show, I would like to have a suit that just had that color scheme, burgundy, black and white, but they don’t have caffeine free and they don’t do, they don’t do Dr. Pepper zero caffeine free. May I start a Facebook group for that? Yes. Change. org. Is that the site you wanted some petition? Somebody start that. But they do have. Go fund me. They do have a Diet Dr. Pepper caffeine free. It just has a little gold caffeine free on it. You can only get these if you order them via mail. And, and she orders them for you. She ordered me over a hundred of them in one at once. . Well that’s a lot. She ordered. I have them in the garage. I have a stack in the garage. You know what, you know what you should do? There’s somebody who you could really, really surprised with a, with a case of that. Mm-Hmm? My wife. Oh, does she like the caffeine? Free Christie, Christina. It would be all over that. Okay. You want? Yeah. ’cause she can’t drink caffeine after like two. Yeah. For me to get your wife gifts. Well, I’m asking her a little bows. I’m asking you to re gift something. Your wife gave you. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I am. You want me to make them seek, make it secret and like, and like, set them around her, set them around the house and give it, just give it to me. A little note from me. Give it to me. This is awkward. Give it to me. You want me to give you a little surprise? Bring me a case. That’s affiliate. Give it to me. That sends the wrong message. It’s for me. I might like it. Thank you. Give it to me. Um, okay. So that would be my drink. And then, okay. Just to stay on brand, of course, everybody gets a bean. You know. A bean. Yeah, it’s a single bean. It’s small. The thing I love about a bean is it doesn’t make noise. That was a good point that you pointed that out. Uh, of course my diet Dr. Pepper might cause some burping. But maybe that’s just part of our religion. I think the beans might also cause some agitation. One bean isn’t gonna hurt. The lower GI. And, uh, it’s vegan, you know. It’s not like I’m asking people to eat brisket or something like that. Are there communal elements to this? Um, we, well, I have a, I also have a priest. He’s like throwing a bean in everybody’s mouth? He takes one solitary bean and puts it on his finger. And you have to suck it off. Oh, God. That’s gross. He’s very clean, though. That’s good. And it’s a small group. Once we get to 24, we start kicking people out to let cooler people in. It’s just like Every week, somebody new shows up and we decide who stays, who goes. Cool, huh? Is this person, yeah, definitely, my religion is about how cool you are. So, this, we bring in, like, here’s Brad. Brad shows up, he walks in. Brad has 30 seconds to convince us all that he’s cool. This is a social club. Yeah, and then, if it works A finger sucking social club. So we all do a thumbs up, thumbs down, right? Oh wow. Like in like that Caesar movie, y Queen , what it was? Gladiator. Gladiator, dude y, queen y, queen y, queen, y queen. And so we do gladiator and uh, so then basically what happens is if we got 13 thumbs up, I don’t vote. I’m a tiebreaker. I’m like the VP, but I don’t vote in the initial one. You know, the frats are, uh, um, it’s all or nothing. They’re doing thumbs up, thumbs down. They’re doing anonymous. No, it’s all, it has to be unanimous. Yeah, well, yeah, that’s what I meant to say when I said anonymous. Wow, it’s gotta be unanimous. Spoiler alert, there is a new Gladiator movie coming out. I don’t mean to sidetrack this. Yeah, yeah, I know about this. Denzel Washington’s in it. Mm-Hmm. . Oh, I didn’t know that. And Pedro Pascal. Mm-Hmm. . I’m in. But Paul Mezcal. Paul Mezcal is, is he the star? Is he a gladiator? I think he’s one of them, yes. Who’s the main, who’s Russell Crow? Well, there isn’t a Russell Crow, you know what I mean? , who’s the main Well, there I didn’t, I I almost recognize him. I think it’s, I think it’s Paul Mezcal and. There’s like, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure it’s Paul Mezcal. Are they letting Russell do something? No, no, no. He dies in the original. Yeah, but just let him show up as like a ghost or something. I wish you wouldn’t have told me that because I had forgotten and I was going to re watch one before I watched two, which will never happen. What a great movie though, I’m glad you filmed it. You’re welcome, you’re welcome. Um, so yeah, you wanted to be cool. So if Brad ends up being cool, you gotta be careful when you give a thumbs up because you know that you might be the next one voted out. Even you? Can you be voted out? Of course not. I’m the only one who cannot be voted out. How convenient. And my wife can’t be voted out. She’s in it too. Because she brings the drinks. She’s the one, she’s the bean finger. She has very clean hands. Alright, fine. And she’s not too tall, so it’s easy to reach her finger. Do you want your wife putting her finger in everybody’s mouth? I kind of like the idea, actually. It, it feels a little bit scandalous. I mean, I know mine’s gross because people are eating off the same peanut butter lump, but, dude, yours is ick. Well, no, no, no. Yours got the ick on it. First of all, she’s got ten fingers. Just so you only end up sucking on one finger that somebody else and what two people suck on Three fingers. Brad, you’re new here. You gotta go, you gotta suck on three fingers. 20 people suck on the same finger as another person. And then the additional four people suck on the same finger that two other people. Now the way that I’m picturing it now, stop me if I’m wrong or change your mind if this is better. That’s when I start saying that after every, before everything I say. Stop me if I’m wrong, but change your mind if this is better. I’m picturing. Jesse’s up there with her fingers splayed with a bean on each one and you got people running up like piglets suckling on each of her finger in unison. You don’t have to suck, you just grab and go. You got ten people at a time. She got ten toes too, doesn’t she? Yeah, it’s hard to balance a bean on a toe and it’s hard to get one toe in your mouth without getting on other toes. Well, that’s why you, that’s why they have to buy the training videos. I, first of all, I gotta teach her how to splay her toes out. How much, how much money are you making on, do you know? That’s something that, that’s really hard for humans to do because we’ve put our feet into shoes. Mm-Hmm. . And our, and our toes get, toes have basically lost the ability to be individual appendages. They’ve gotten stupid, but you can retrain yourself to get independent toe movement. And so. Jesse’s going to be going through a little regimen, you know, she’s going to be able to splay her toes out. Lily can teach her that Lily can do that. Really? Yeah. Enough to put a bean on each toe. Yeah. So that somebody can get a bean off of it without touching another toe. It’s, it’s pretty miraculous. She can also make her eyes look in different directions opposite each other. And I hate that. I feel like I might need to consult my wife before I sign her up to be the bean distributor, because this feels like this got to be, A bit more of a responsibility. Do you remember our answer before when you were just trying to make conversations? Yeah, because I think I phrased it as based on like what you enjoy the most. Like what do you think your body and your blood are filled with? Oh, Diet Dr. Pepper, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don’t think you said Diet Dr. Pepper at the time. I think at the time Uh, I, I’m pretty sure Link. You said Topo Chico at the time? Yeah. Yeah, it was probably, that still stands good. Um, , Topo, Chico and Pudding, remember? Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah. . Now I don’t have pudding in my house. I think it said coffee ret at the time. But you’re off coffee now. Well, no, I have it right when I wake up. Oh, yeah, yeah I try to go off of it and then I do tea here. I went to a friend’s house and um, they had pudding They offered me pudding. I was like, oh, did they know what are you doing? What are you doing to me here? Did you did you get this for me? That’s what I said. I was like, no, I don’t go to the grocery store Shopping for you. They offered you a cup of pudding. Yes. What was the context? What were you doing going fishing? Just hanging out with a friend, I came inside to get a snack, and uh, They offered you pudding? Yeah, yeah, the best, they’re the best of friends. A pudding cup with a pool top? Yeah, I ate two of them. They must know that you know you like pudding. Cause that’s not something you do in a normal situation. Well, they’re not normal, that’s why we’re so good friends. Okay, let’s do another. The story’s never end. Hello, this is Tanner from Ohio. I’m trying to book Elkhound Snow Baby for an event. It’s not a wedding, don’t think it’s a wedding. I’m trying to book him as my DJ at, uh, this event that I’m having here in Ohio. So, mm-Hmm, , uh, I’d like to get a cost and, uh, I would really like him to DJ at this event. That is totally not my wedding. Love you guys. Bye-Bye. Sounds like it might be his wedding. Could be. I don’t, you know, I said I wasn’t gonna DJ weddings. I’m also not prepared to travel the price. I mean, honestly. How much would I have to charge in order to do this? Because I don’t want to do weddings, and I have nothing against Ohio, of course. I mean, you know, Freddie Gibbs is from there. But, um, if me and Freddie could show up together, then I will do it for a cost of a million dollars. Okay. I mean, how much could I legitimately charge? What’s the minimum amount that I would charge to actually go? Um, I don’t know, I think we’re talking about 150, 000. Well, you might not be getting that gig, Link. I know. I know. You might not be getting that gig. But there’s a price for everything. But you know what? Know your worth, man. I, I wanna I want to slowly move into some gigs in the Los Angeles area that, um, are lower pressure with not a complete emphasis on dancing. Not a club. More of a vibe. Yeah, I’m just a vibe DJ. Well, what about, what about, uh, has anybody done remote DJing? Just, just put me on a screen. Yeah, like, all right. 100, 000. I’m serious about not that you should do this, but I’m serious about the question because it feels like, especially during COVID, if you could have had like, I don’t, I don’t keep up with the DJ world. So I’ll just say dead mouse. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you could have dead mouse. Or on a screen, uh, Duplo Diplo Duplo is like the preschool legos, man Yeah, well duplo is my favorite duplo. He’s the kids version of diplo He’s much cheaper. So you got duplo on a uh on a zoom call And he’s playing it and it’s piped in But easy that’s easy to do really nice quality though. This is called twitch by the way. Oh, so they’re doing Duplo Yeah, there’s DJs, there’s DJs on Twitch. I thought about it for a hot minute and then I abandoned that. Well, you don’t have to be a Twitch streamer. Nope. You’re just Private stream. I’m gonna show up and I’m gonna be doing my thing for this wedding. I might reopen the Twitch broadcast possibility. I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m having enough technical issues with this stuff I’m doing now, so. That’s my price. Call me. Call my people. Next question. Hey Rhett and Link, this is Belle from Georgia. I’m calling because my husband and I have been married for a little over a year and I have noticed that he just leaves anything that he picks up and uses or works with, he just leaves it where he did his project or where he took off his clothes. I mean, anything. He misplaces it, leaves it, and walks away. So, how can I face this problem and, or provide an intervention for him? I’m needing some help to help keep my house clean. Girl, I feel you. I mean, I’m just gonna give it to you straight. You gotta work on your angry voice. Because you’re too sweet. Listen, Bell. Your voice is too sweet. Bell from Georgia. Bell, you got to, you got to work on your boss voice. I love your voice. You got to boss up! You could talk, you could talk me into anything with that voice. So I feel like, I feel like you just manipulate him. Just sweet talk him. Nope. This is a, this is a, he’s blind to this. Oh, he’s taking it for granted. No, he’s not taking her for granted. Yeah, he’s taking her for granted. He’s not doing it consciously. He’s got a lifestyle problem. Okay, alright. Maybe he’s got ADHD. I don’t know. Sounds like maybe. But we’re not going to diagnose anybody here. But I will say, if you wanted to go the consequences route, and I’m going to go ahead and tell you, Then maybe there’s a few steps before you get to this, maybe Link can fill in some of those gaps, I don’t know. I have what I think is a pretty severe consequence, but also potentially a pretty cool art project. This sounds good. Goes right with boss voice. So, what you’re gonna do, Belle, is next time your boy leaves the house. His shit in a place that you don’t want what I want you to do is I want you to I don’t know if you get Somebody to build this for you, or if you build it yourself I don’t know how crafty you are or maybe there’s just like you’re gonna need some sort of box that can contain Liquid that you’re what you’re gonna. Do is you’re gonna place it right? Oh, so if he’s got a pile of clothes, you’re gonna take that and you’re gonna put like basically a bottomless Aquarium. Boom. Right over it, right? And then you’re gonna get something called resin. Uh huh. Okay? And you can start with clear, because you really want him to see what he’s saying goodbye to. You fill this up with resin to the top. And then you break the glass, remove the cardboard, whatever your method is. And then you have Jurassic parked his ass. You know what I’m saying? You’ve got, it is an Amber forever. So she goes in there the next morning and he’s down there gnawing on trying to get You can’t get into it, man. You’re not trying to get his britches out of the cube, just gnawing on it. And what you’ve done, depending on how this goes, is you have created a pretty cool art display. It may be one day, people will come to your art show and it’ll just be your husband’s stuff in, in, in resin. Well, you’re gonna have a space issue, but then People are into the resin thing. I think you could turn the resin blocks into building material to, um, expand the house. And you could build him his own annex, where he can just leave his shit everywhere. And it just creates a new block. Yeah. That then becomes part of a new wall. Right. And, but then, I also think, and then when he goes in there, you can untie him. But then when he comes out of there, you got to bind him. He can’t be, so he can’t pick anything up, can’t touch anything. Well, I think he probably, if you resin a couple of things, he’ll probably stop. I don’t think so. These type of people who do this type of thing, they can’t stop, man. They can’t stop. Oh, really? I don’t know what it is. I’m not going to diagnose him. But, um. Well, everybody in my house, including me, and including my wife, We all have a slight tendency to do this. We’re not particularly clean. We have a very presentable house, but, but you’ll shove things in places. We will shove things in places, but also in places that we don’t expect people to go like the closet. In our bedroom goes through a cycle of stuff being on the floor and stuff being completely cleaned up and it’s really nice and then it’s just like one thing, two thing, three thing, four thing, five thing, six thing, and then like there’s a reset. It never gets crazy, but there’s an ebb and a flow. I actually think we’ve kind of gotten used to it. It’s like a way to measure the passing of time. Like you put a time lapse camera on your closet. The floor is breathing with life of habitation. Um, but, so I, I am, uh, I feel for you, but I don’t know, I, I, this may be the unsolvable problem. I mean, it’s really difficult. Even for somebody, I’ve complained about how Christy, we are both the most meticulous, everything has a place and everything stays in their place, and the moment it’s removed from its place, it’s put back in its place. Like, we’re just very, our kids aren’t like that, some more than others, are problems for us. We have not figured out how to fix it. We just, we lure them out of the house with college educations. That’s our solution. You know what? Go off to college. And then we don’t have to pick up after your ass. Yeah, and just never, never go to where they live. I’m not singling any child out, but I’m gonna say it’s um, Send them to college and never visit their space. But even Chrissy is guilty of this in certain areas of her life, meaning our bedroom, and I’ve told you this, she is a serial drapist. Drapist. Her clothes are draped over all these pieces of, we have pieces of furniture in our bedroom that we never use for their intended purpose. There’s a chair, that’s just nothing but a clothes closet. Draper, we got another chair and then that one starts getting stuff draped on it. We, there’s a couch in our bedroom too. Have we ever sat on the couch? No, because there’s clothes all over it. Well, you, you just think you’re going to, you’re just going to walk up to different seating areas just to put on clothes that you’ve taken off. You get to resin this whole couch. I’m thinking about it. The floor might cave in. It gets heavy. I mean, when I take something off in my closet, I hang it back up. You have to. You don’t, or you can do what you do. You can let it breathe, but you don’t have to, you should, but you don’t have to, I can’t help. And even using the boss voice is probably. Not a good way to go. I, I, I got nothing. This is the unsolvable problem, which brings me back to divorce. You know, there’s certain incompatibilities that you might be better off. Do you have kids yet? You’ve only been married a year. Maybe you don’t have kids. Maybe it’s time to, uh, part ways, because this is not solvable. Hmm. Okay. So that’s one solution. It’s a bleak one today. You’re biscuit tears. Sorry. Sorry for bringing it down. Just trying to keep it real. Sometimes my wife, you know, because my, my wife is very, she’s a, she’s a very warm and sweet person. Um, and some, she can get mad. Does she have a boss voice? I, yeah. I mean, what is it like? I don’t know. My wife is, she’s. She’s, she’s really smart, and she, and she starts talking really fast, and like, you can’t, like, Oh, she talks fast. You just can’t. You can’t beat it like you can’t find a way out So it’s a barrage like if you’ve done it like if I if you don’t argue with her about something because she’ll she just Shook she’ll surround you with every piece of logic real fast. She’s like the flash when he starts running real fast What about this? Nope? Here’s why that doesn’t work And so but what I have noticed is because She at the same time is such a warm person. Sometimes if she is like, the intensity has increased, I’ll just start laughing. Uh, and I don’t do this because I don’t take her seriously. But it has on occasion worked to disarm the situation. It hasn’t made her, it hasn’t made her madder, which it seems like it would. But just like, sometimes I’m like, I got nothing. I can’t, nothing I can say is gonna solve this. So I’m going to start laughing and I’m not saying if it’s like a I’m not talking like a real serious thing that like I need to take responsibility for that. I like I need to apologize for. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about like a little disagreement, a tiff, if you will, right? Saying something that I shouldn’t have said. Or, you know, you know what? You know, the little things, but not not the big things, the little things. I’m a fan of levity in those moments and Duplo. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and I kind of feel like that might happen if Belle gets too mad, is what I’m saying. He might just start laughing at her, and leaving more stuff. Well, I’m just saying, I think that The more he laughs, the more stuff sloughs off his body that then she’s gonna have to pick up. I just, it sounds like Belle has, just based on that one voicemail, I think Belle has probably, Superhuman levels of persuasion. That’s just that’s my guess and I just think that yeah bribery. I think that bribery probably Get what she wants. I bet you can too. I think you can just bribery it could be the answer, honey Why don’t you just make a sweep through the house and pick up all the stuff that you laugh and then don’t go there You know what? I think you’ve left a trail of breadcrumbs To, I don’t know, it could be the kitchen, it could be the bedroom, it could be to the car, you know, it could be, I’m saying it could be a meal, it could be intimacy, physically, or it could be a road trip. But maybe there’s some bribery involved. We now have an answer. Resin. It’s not over. It’s not bleak. And we’re not giving up, but we are moving on. Hey guys, I have a dispute for you all. Um, my wife and I have an ongoing debate that we share with our friends and family. Okay. And the debate is, I hope this doesn’t sound too gross, but would you rather eat a live mouse or a human finger? So, the, the criteria is, the mouse has to be alive. When you begin to eat it, the human finger is severed, so it’s not still on someone’s hand. Now, my personal thoughts, I would much rather eat the human finger. I don’t know that person, sure it would be gross, but eating a live mouse? That’d just be horrible. You have the chance of that sucker biting you, disease, you’d have to kill it in your mouth, fur, it’s just ugh. Yeah, so, I’d love to know y’all’s thoughts. Let you know. Keep up the good stuff. Later. I mean, first of all, poisoning the well a little bit here, you know what I’m saying? Like, I was thinking about this situation, and then you make the case for the mou for, you know. Right, right, right. Not eating the mouse. I mean, who kn I don’t know. Let’s think about this. Let’s be impartial. Let’s pretend like we didn’t hear the reasoning at the end. Well, he didn’t make the case. He made the case for the finger. Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Uh, but I’m, I’m just saying. So Now, you don’t know whose finger it is, is what he said, but is the finger cooked? I assume it’s a raw finger because it’s a raw mouse. Well, see, okay You can’t cook the finger. If you can cook the finger You can’t cook the finger. I actually think I could enjoy finger. You heard of a crock pot before? You could find finger delectable? No, I’m just saying that like, if I had to eat finger, and again, I’m not saying I would, but if I had to There’s definitely a way. You heard of meatloaf before? I mean, you can get, if you can cook that finger, you can get that finger into something else. Even the bone. You can soak the bone in something that’s gonna make it. You can make a broth out of the bones. It’s probably not that bad. I mean, you shouldn’t do it. It’s just probably not that bad. Have you ever heard of fingerling potatoes? Yeah. Forget the potato part. And if you didn’t want to do the crockpot thing and you just wanted to sauté it or something like that, You just mix it with the right vegetables and the right sauce, and it’s probably not that bad. But I agree with you, we’re probably talking about the finger was just severed, and there it is, and you gotta eat it. Oh, golly. Trigger warning, a few minutes ago. I’m sorry. You heard the question. You heard the question. You checked out when you heard the question. Trigger finger warning. She definitely, I mean that rat, he’s talking about how that rat could bite you inside of it. I’m not a fan of killing things while eating it like you did it one time and I’ll never do and we’re not proud of it I’m not proud of it. It was a bug. It was a bug. It was a beetle. It was a beetle I don’t believe the beetle had much of an experience. It was traumatic for me, but a mammal Well, how was it for the beetle? Probably not great either But let’s just be honest. What’s great and not great for a beetle. I mean just seriously. This is a mouse a mouse You It has a, it has a mammalian brain. It has, it is experiencing something. Oh gosh, Rhett, come on. We’re not picking this one, so don’t Yeah, I’m just saying You don’t have to talk me out of eating the mouse. I’m already choosing the finger. I guess what I’m saying from an ethical standpoint, if I have to choose between eating a finger Well, hold on, where did the finger come from, if you want to talk ethics? Oh, a volunteer. A volu Oh! Who wants to just give up a finger for a dumb would you rather exercise? Okay, alright, so okay, yeah, let’s put this on, like, let’s make this for real. Who would It’s not a willing Donate a finger. It’s not a willing participant. It’s just a rando. Who has to get, who just is gonna get their finger cut off. In that case Like somebody, somebody just walking through, like a mom. A single mom’s walking through Target. Why’s it gotta be a single mom? And then she’s, you know Why’s it gotta be Target? She’s like, I’m gonna treat myself. I’m gonna get a Starbucks drink at this Starbucks inside of the Target. And she goes up there And she goes to pay and they’re like, that’ll be one finger. Oh God. And she’s like, excuse me? And they’re like, no, we need to, uh, chop off your finger. She’s like, uh, well, I, I don’t want the latte. She’s like, well Too late. Too late. Um, you’re here. You’ve been selected. Uh, well, can I Can my child, can I send my child with someone? I’m here alone. I don’t think you’re gonna volunteer the child’s finger. Yeah, can, can you just chop my child’s finger off? It’s much smaller. No! We would have to get three of your child’s fingers. Oh, no. Would you rather eat a single mom’s finger or three of her children’s fingers? That’s not the question, man! Ask your family that, you demented jerk! Alright, okay, if it’s a, if it’s a person that You’ve done this to us! If a person didn’t volunteer and it’s just a single mom, or really anybody, A non single mom or just a person. I’m going to take the mouse just because in my hierarchy of ethics, I place the experience and wellbeing of people over animals. And I’m just going to say that I think that the value of human finger. You’re right is higher than the value of a mouse life, but that’s just me. You don’t have to agree with me. I’m not going to I’m just saying because here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to eat her finger and I’m going to willingly submit myself to a not a lifetime. But until the until the child grows up, I’m going to be the new dad. I’m no, I’m going to pay finger support. Oh, how much is that? I’m going to defray. What if he’s a stenographer? Yeah, and you’ve slowed her down at least 10%. Well, she can have a prosthetic finger that will still type. And I’m paying for that. I don’t think so. Yes, you can. Have you seen the Paralympics, dude? I mean, the technology. You’re right, but I’m just saying that’s, I don’t know about that, man. I don’t care what kind of, well, I don’t feel good about it. It’s not my fault. We’re even talking about it, but now that we are, we have a duty to make a decision and to fully explore it. And I mean, well, I’ll be like an uncle to the child, maybe. Why is this guy your uncle? Is that your uncle? Yeah, well, sit down. Sit down and let me tell you the story of my uncle. Boy, I’m your uncle. That makes me your uncle, okay? All she wanted was a latte. It wasn’t attached when I ate it. Don’t freak out. Turns out she was the subject of a wild internet scenario that hadn’t been answered. I mean, let’s just be honest, mice have it pretty bad already. Like, just, like, mice in general, like the life of a mouse ends in tragedy pretty much in every scenario. Wild, in habitats, A lot of them do die the way that you’d be killing it. By the jaw. The vast majority of mice are going to be eaten alive by something. I’m just telling you, they don’t die of old age. You know what I’m saying? They don’t, mice don’t go to the home and surrounded by their family and friends and like say their goodbyes. They get killed by something. At least as a human you can do a quick bite of the, of the, of the head. Okay. Okay. To take it out in a, in a, in as ethical as a way as possible. I’m just being honest here, man. But the eating the rest of it is going to be real hard. But the woman doesn’t die at all. You’re right. You’re right. I don’t know if we’ve solved this. Well, we’ve each made our choice. Now we’ve got to live with it. Oh my gosh. It seemed like an easy choice when you proposed the question. But the more we explored it, the tougher it got. Sometimes you just need to, you need to vibe out, you need to put on some good music, you need to forget the world’s Forget everything we said today. I have a recommendation that is going to wipe your memory clean. Uh, so you won’t hate us for talking about this stuff that I said today. Um, my recommendation is a instrumental album from Mayer Hawthorne. Mayer is called, uh, M A Y E R. M A Y E R is his first name. His last name is Hawthorne. Um, the name of the album is For All Time. For All Time was released in 2023. Now, Mayor Hawthorne, he’s been around my, you know, my listening for a while, but I haven’t, like, settled on him until recently. He’s a multi instrumentalist out of Michigan. And he plays most all the sounds that you hear on his albums, which is why a year after the release of for all time, he released the instrumental version of the album, start to finish. And I actually, I listened to the instrumental and not listening to the album. And then I’m like, this is an interesting experiment. I wonder what he was, what he’d be singing over this. And then after I like got really attached to the instrumental, I started listening to the album and it’s good, but I, was it what you were imagining? It kind of messed it up for me. I’m really attached to the instrumental. So. Proceed with caution, but I really like the vibe of For All Time The Instrumentals. Um, it’s a great, great album. Uh, Deeper Vibration is probably my favorite. Uh, but you gotta love Mayor Harthorne. He’s throwing out albums over the years. You can dig deep into his catalog. And just know that this guy’s like, it’s a labor of his own hands. He’s like Prince. He’s playing everything. Bongos? Probably bongos, yeah. Probably bongos. Check it out. And you know what? Keep asking us questions. We like answering them, as you can tell. I’m afraid that I might make you afraid to ask us questions now. Um, but. I don’t know. As you see, we’ll answer, we will attempt to answer anything. Yep. Try us. 1 888 EARPOD 1. And hey, leave us a review wherever you listen. It’s always helpful, uh, if it’s a good one. So. Do that for us, would you? We really appreciate it. We’ll see you next week. Hi, my name’s Mason, I’m from Manitoba, and I love Ear Biscuits, Good Mythical More, and Wonderhole. Keep it up!