Welcome to “Ear Biscuits”, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Link. And I’m Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we’re answering some of your questions. We’re also checking in with someone who made it through a successful knee surgery. Jenna. Yes. Hi. How you feeling? Oh man, she still sounds loopy. I do. I mean, well, at this point I’m just loopy because I’ve just been laid up for a week. Oh, you’re not on anything that you wanna tell us about? Not at the moment, no. Just some ibuprofen. So what, is your leg, is it wrapped up or is it unwrapped? It’s still fully wrapped. Okay. We gotta fix that. I haven’t been able to look at it. Does it look swole? It doesn’t feel swollen anymore. It’s hard to tell if it looks it ’cause there’s like a bunch of gauze and stuff. Oh man. I wonder, is it stinky? I’m probably stinky. Like, I can’t take a shower. You can’t bathe it. You can’t bathe it. I’m losing my mind. Have you watched any good movies? Well, hold on. How have you bathed yourself? You’d like hang your leg- Sponge bath, man. Sponge bath? Yeah, it’s basically a sponge bath, but like me like leaned over my sink. Yeah. Like, trying to scrub under my armpit. Okay. Okay. So cute. Yeah. Yeah. So you haven’t gotten in like a bathtub and hung your leg out or something? I can’t really do that with my tub situation. Okay. I did get in the bathtub and was able to wash my feet. That’s important. So that was great. That’s important. But the cover on my leg takes up my whole leg, and I can’t remove it. And when does that come off? That comes off tomorrow. Oh, you can shower tomorrow. Maybe. I hope so. Okay. Well, I don’t know how to put this more clearly than I perhaps already have, but as soon as you can shower, you can come back to work. Yeah. That is a prerequisite. Yeah. We require- That’s the qualifier. Showered people. Now you have- Everything else. Whether my knee is like okay or not, it doesn’t matter. Yeah, that’s less of a concern for me. Now you have- Yeah. The… You got somebody else’s ligament, right? I did. Yeah. How does that feel? And how much do you know about ’em? I don’t know anything about them except that they didn’t need it anymore. Oh wow. It’s so fascinating. But it actually feels good. It’s fascinating to think about that. Your knee feels good? My knee feels good now. Like, it feels like everything’s in the right spot. I think this is an opportunity for us to do a PSA. PSA. I always wanna do PSAs. All right. That’s a public service announcement. Unless you have some sort of religious precondition that would prevent you from being an organ donor- A preexisting religious condition. Right. Be an organ donor. Like, when you are asked that question, when you are filling out the information for your license, some people are just like, “Ew.” And they say no. But you should say yeah. Even I said yeah. You should say yeah because- I said yeah. Like, everything that you got could go to help somebody in need. Like Jenna’s knee has somebody else’s stuff in it now. Help somebody in knee-d. Yeah. Right. And just think about that. Just like the little card you gave me, Link. She’s gonna be walking, walking around, prancing around, doing all the things that she’s gonna be doing again, playing softball because someone checked that box. Mm. Nope. She’s not gonna be playing softball anymore. Oh. I wanna still play softball. She’s done. She’s done with softball. You’re gonna be like that movie where the- You can’t make me. I think Jenna has, Jenna, she’s assessing what’s important to her, and she’s realized that softball’s not worth it anymore. You’re gonna be like that person who’s, that movie where the guy got his arm fixed and he was throwing it faster. You’re gonna come back and that one leg is gonna be so fast that you’re gonna be running around in circles ’cause that one leg is faster than the other. So powerful. Whoa. She runs in a curve, but boy, she’s fast. I mean, running in a curve is ideal in softball. That’s right. Well, as long as the right leg is the fast leg. No. Yes. You want the right leg. If your left leg is faster, which knee is it? It’s my left knee. Oh, you’re gonna go the wrong direction. You gotta go to third base first. What? No. Because you want the outside leg to go faster ’cause it pushes you to the right. That would be the right knee. Yeah, her left leg is gonna go faster ’cause it’s got a new tendon. Oh no, I think it’s gonna be slower. Don’t tell her that. Maybe I switch to soccer. I’m trying to make this positive. Or I become an excellent like field goal kicker. Ooh. I think you need to capitalize on your brain. Okay. You know, you got good brains on you. Use those brains. The brain’s not going anywhere. Use the brains more and the knees less. Oh, but I did listen to all the ACL videos that people sent. I did wanna say, ’cause one person, Audrey, who reached out, who was actually in, like her career’s in organ donation or tissue donation. So we were incorrect. You can make a career out of it. Tissue donation, they have a better way of storing it that stores better than organs. Okay. Potentially when we filmed that last episode, the person whose tissue I got may have already been dead. May have already been dead. Anyway clarification. We learned that. Did you hear about last week’s episode that you weren’t a part of? Since you weren’t here, we decided that we were gonna step away from doing this podcast. Yeah. It’s all my fault. You weren’t here to talk us out of it. So we were like, “Oh, this is our opportunity.” Jenna is out. I’m so sorry, everyone. Yes. If you happened to miss last week’s episode, we did two things. Number one, we broke the news that we are taking an indefinite hiatus from “Ear Biscuits” starting at the beginning of the year. Last episode of “Ear Biscuits” is gonna be this year before we take the indefinite break. And the other thing we did is we kind of gave some context as to why we made that decision, including me telling the story of what I’ve been dealing with in the heart region. I now have a pig heart. If you want to hear that whole episode. I don’t have a pig heart. I lied. If you have pigs, make sure that they’re organ donors. That’s right. Get your pigs to check that box. Get your pigs to check the box. I don’t have a pig heart, but I did have heart problems. They seem to be gone. But anyway- Another week, you’re still doing good. If you, dear listener, have submitted a voicemail in response to that, we might be playing some starting next week. But today we’re gonna keep it light. We’re not gonna commiserate on this being the slow winding down of “Ear Biscuits” over the rest of 2025. We’re not gonna get sad about it. We’re gonna celebrate. We’re gonna be positive. We’re celebrating. You are sitting in the presence of one of the members of the winning team of the 25th Annual Emmy’s Golf Classic, Link. Your best friend right here… Won an Emmy golf? I haven’t won an Emmy. In fact, I’ve never been nominated. But I took part in the TV Academy Foundation’s tournament to raise funds for the internship program for the Academy that gets people from all across the country and the world ostensibly to come and get careers in the entertainment business. Okay. Met somebody from Durham, North Carolina who took advantage of that opportunity. But anyway… You know, I was a featured celebrity. I was representing all of YouTube ’cause I was the only YouTuber there. I was the only non sort of TV person there. And we won. And your boy brought his A game. It should have been televised. I’m gonna tell you, I hit some shots that should have definitely been televised, but they’ll just be in my mind forever. I mean, I can tell you had a pep in your step when you walked in this morning. It’s ’cause he had won at something. I didn’t even know I’d won when I came in this morning. You told me- I had to leave early, so I didn’t get the announcement. But I knew that we were leading, you know, amongst the teams that had turned their scores in. Now let me just, I’m gonna tell this one story because if you know you know. Like, if you’re a golfer, you will be impressed with this story. If you’re not a golfer, just give it a chance. Okay. Can I tease something that I’ll tell in case people are like, “Oh no, this is the last thing I wanna hear about “is a golf story.” After Rhett’s golf story, I will tell a story of my experience at a lesbian music festival- That’s good. In Maryland. That’ll get more people interested, I’m sure. So we’re playing at a course that I’ve always wanted to play at, which is the Riviera Country Club. Famous, one of the best courses in the nation, if not the world, that you have to know somebody who knows somebody to get into this place and play. And so- Where is it? It’s in the Palisades. But rumor has it, if you want to be a member of this country club, in order to play anytime you want, you have to pay, now of course you have to pay yearly dues, you know, but just to get into the country club, you have to pay $1 million cash just to be a member of the country club. A one time fee to get in the door. Rumor has it. Rumor has it. I don’t think they disclose it, but rumor has it. Rumor has it. And then every year you’re paying a due on top of that. You’re not paying a million dollars every year? No, but you’re paying a lot. It’s an entry. They set the bar high, you know. What’s all the hubbub about? I mean… It’s a wonderful, it’s a country club. You know, I’m never gonna be a member of this country club, but I wanted to play this course, and I wanted to play this course for a good cause. I don’t get to play golf a lot. So, you know, I let the people who figure this stuff out for us know that if there’s an opportunity for me to show up in a charity golf tournament, I would like to take advantage of it. I don’t need to know how it happened. This one comes along- I just need to know if the price tag that you’re not gonna pay is- There’s no way to calculate- Seems to be worth it? Well, I mean- In order to pay a million dollars to join something, you need to have like 100 million bucks lying around or something, you know? So there’s no way I can actually contemplate the- I guess what I’m asking, is the course nice? The course is so nice. Imagine the nicest green carpet you’ve ever gotten naked on and rolled around on, and that’s what the greens feel like. I didn’t get naked out there. The fairways are perfect. Everything is immaculate. I mean, they are putting some money down into that grass. Really? It’s the best grass. And you’re a man who likes grass. I know you like grass. Yeah. You like to cut grass. I would’ve appreciated the different levels of grass. So fast. Anyway… How about the trees? The trees are beautiful, Link. And can you see the ocean? You can see the ocean from… Did I dream that? You can’t see the ocean. It’s in the Valley. Okay. So it’s all those nice country club houses around, like up on the ridge. And then there’s the course down there. Okay. So there is a famous par three. Now for those of you who don’t know, that means that you’re supposed to get it into the hole in three strokes. That means you hit the ball once from the tee to the green, and then you put it twice into the cup. So you’re supposed to get there in one shot all the way to the pin where you can put. Now I’ve never played a par three this long ’cause this is a course where like pros play. So I don’t know what hole it was because everybody started on a different hole. So you just kind of, you just went in order. But it was 250 yards long. That’s two and a half football fields. I’ve never played a par three that’s longer than two, maybe 200 yards, right? Okay. I’m now a 48-year-old man who plays golf twice a year and has a bad back. I don’t swing that hard anymore, and so I can’t hit it that far. But I knew that for 200, like to go 250 yards and there’s a sand trap in front of the green, 250 yards and land on the green, I needed to hit it high so it would go up and it would land. So I choked up on my driver and I teed it up high. And let me just say, so it was a charity golf tournament, and one of the things that they had set up was, on most holes there was like somebody there with a table and there was like some little contest for that hole. Like, longest drive wins an electric toothbrush or that kind of thing. There was lots of stuff like that. And this was, if you can get on the green with your tee shot, you win a Peter Millar belt. Not really in the market for a Peter Millar belt. So that wasn’t my motivation. Was it there? Were they dangling around? Oh, all of ’em right there. Rolled up real nice. Braided belt. Braided belt. Braided belt. They’re back. Okay. Braided belts are back in a big way. So- Peter Millar. Your boy steps up. And I’d been playing well, okay? I was in a groove. But I did not have the confidence that this was going to happen. But I hit a perfect shot that just went high, floated up, landed softly on the green, 25, 30 feet from the hole, which is very close when you’re two and a half football fields away. And I hate to say, so the way it works in the format that we were in is you take the best first shot, the best tee shot, and then everybody plays their ball from there. So we had five chances to make this like 30 foot putt, which is not easy to make a 30 foot putt. And I missed it by like two inches. And everybody else missed it. But we ended up winning by three strokes. Hold on, you- We won the whole tournament. Did they hand you the belt when you did that? Well, the lady behind the tee said, “Are you on the green?” And I was like, “I think so.” I can’t see anymore. And it’s 250 yards away. I was like, “I think it is.” But the way that the green was kind of set up, you couldn’t really see. I was like, “I think so. “I think I should take a belt.” And I took the belt and I was like, “I’ll bring it back to you if I didn’t land on the green.” Lying to her. But I was up there on the green, buddy. I gotta say, it might be, I mean it’s not the best shot of my life, but it’s in the top five best shots of my life. Wow. I mean, I should start dangling braided belts around here. All it takes is a braided belt. If I want you to do a good job at something, gotta give you a braided belt. So hopefully next year- You want another braided belt, buddy? Hopefully I will be defending the title next year. I don’t know if this gives you- Let me see it then. I don’t have it on. I told you I wasn’t in the market for one. You’re not wearing the belt? No. I’m gonna hang it on my wall like a bass. Oh. It’s a trophy. I think that this might get us an Emmy. That’s all I’m gonna say. You know, we’ve tried, we’ve failed a couple years. It’s who you know. But I think this might be it. I think this might be it. You know, if you go to the website… What did you do when- There’s a picture of me with my team. You thought you landed on the green? Did you fist bump? I keep it cool. You know me. Act like you meant to do it? Here’s the thing, here’s the thing that I learned a long time ago. Let your game speak for itself. If you land on the green, that did the talking. You don’t need to do something. You don’t need to fist pump. You don’t need to say anything. Then why do you have to negotiate to get the belt? I think it’s on the, you know, I think it’s on the green. I’m just gonna take this braided belt. Well, because she said, “Did you hit the green?” I was like, “I think so.” And I just took a belt. I kind of did it in one motion. I think so. I think so. Give me an XL. How many belts were dangling up there? I wonder how many people did what you did. I’d say there were 15 belts, but there was also a box, I think with more belts just in case. Yeah. Probably every sixth person got a belt. So yeah, I’m riding high today. I’m feeling good. My back hurts like hell. Oh, it does? I mean, even though it didn’t hurt while I was playing, I woke up in the middle of the night like just adjusting in bed, and I was like, “Oh yeah, there you go. “Big boy’s been swinging.” You see, Jenna? He needs to stop with the golf. You need to stop with the softball. No, I’m fine. I’m back. I’m already back. It was just a little bit of tenderness Link, with your logic, you should have stopped mountain biking years ago. That’s right. You’ve gotten hurt worse than all of us. That’s a good point. That’s a good point. All right. All right. Yeah. We didn’t break anything. I’m really just upset that I don’t have a braided belt. If you want… The braided belt’s way too big for you. Well… Way too big. I got the XL. Now I’m upset about that. I think it’s too big for me ’cause I put it on over my belt when I tried it on. That’s not how you wear a belt. Already had a belt on. Yeah, but you gotta take into account the fact that it’s not going over- I didn’t wanna hold the group up sizing my belt. It was more about the idea of the belt. Clearly. You know, it was what the belt represented, which was getting on that green. Clearly. When I don’t sleep well, it’s really hard for me to get going the next day. We’re in and outta meetings, recording, shoots. So that good night’s sleep is super important. 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I’m pretty sure that Link is probably, you’re probably gonna talk about this no matter what, but I thought I’d give you a segue potentially. But I had the pleasure of meeting Link and his family at All Things Go this past weekend in Maryland. And I just wanted to ask about the experience. I work at that venue, so, you know, it’s very special to me that you were there. So who did you see? Who did you enjoy? What’d you think of the venue? What’d you think of Maryland? I’d love to hear it all. All right, have a good day. Bye-bye. My family, I think Lando identified that All Things Go festival was happening on the East Coast many, many months in advance. And he and his friend wanted to go see a number of people. And then they told Lily, and she wanted to see some people. And then Christy’s like, “I’m gonna be superhero mom and I’m gonna make this happen. “I’m gonna see if I can get us tickets.” What that meant was, I’m gonna see if I can use your dad to get you tickets, which meant your dad had to go. But then I found out, hey, oh, Clairo is gonna be at this thing. I’m a huge Clairo fan. Doechii is gonna be at this thing. Okay, I’m sold. That’s it. Let’s make this happen. We ended up only being able to go, we decided to go to Maryland instead of New York City. It was happening in both. I think people who were there on Friday night came to Maryland on Saturday night and they kind of swapped back and forth. It was concentric, not concentric, but coexisting versions of the same festival. Just different artists, different night. Okay. We didn’t really know about New York, so we went to Maryland. I’m glad we did. It was a really cool venue. The amphitheater there outdoors. That’s what amphitheaters are these days. Yeah. I did not know that All Things Go was referred to as the lesbian Coachella. Okay. But I was also not surprised to hear that because there were a lot of lesbians there. And they let me know that they knew me. You know, these are my people. These are my people. I received lots of quick and cute interactions- Okay. With lesbian people, but also some gays. There was also gay people there. Cool. There was all types of… There were not all types of people there. It was mostly lesbians and then some gays and then a few straight people. Did they make their orientation known or did you just infer? I just inferred because I feel like I’m pretty good at that at this point. Okay. You got a better gaydar than hairdar. Yeah, I can’t tell if you’re wearing a toupee. Right. I just think it’s more of a safe assumption there. Okay. Had a good time. I mean, had a really good time. But the thing is because of the kids’ school, we had to choose to only go two out of the three days. And they really wanted to see The Marias, which I’m a fan of The Marias. But I much would’ve rather have seen Doechii who was there Sunday. So like here we are leaving Thursday, so we could be there Friday and Saturday. And then I didn’t get to see Doechii on Sunday. Disappointment. I’m absolutely alligator crushed by this. It’s a loss that I have not recovered from. I’m upset about it. Yep. And I should have just stayed on my own. But I still have not seen Doechii in person. But I did get to see Clairo. Amazing show. Also saw Clairo at the non-lesbian Coachella, which is just called Coachella. Right. They do allow lesbians. They do. But I enjoyed both of those shows very much so. But I also wanted to see Faye Webster, who you’ve seen. Big fan of Faye Webster. And a lot of Mythical Beasts were at the Faye Webster show that you and Jessie went to. The highest concentration of Mythical Beasts that I have ever experienced at a concert was at the Faye Webster concert. That was my experience at All Things Go. And I’m not even 6’7″. Yeah. With a buttload of hair coming out of my head. Yeah. Well, what can I do? I don’t draw the eye as much as you do. I wanted to see Faye Webster, but they were in the pit trying to get closer and closer to see Clairo. So they were willing to not see Faye Webster on the second stage. Second stage thing. Different stage. So I went over to the other stage with Christy and our friend Nicole, who lives in the area. Big music fan. And so we invited her, she came with us. And so then we’re starting to walk up, and there was already a crowd forming for Faye Webster. But we made our way up there. And at a certain point… Well, I saw someone making their way through the crowd, and at that point I’m like, I’m with that person. And I just start going, ’cause now they’re busting through people and I’m just with the person busting through people. And I’m like, I’m willing to do this to get a little bit closer. I enjoyed Faye Webster. And then I got out of there, and then I went over to Clairo, and I was able to get into the pit and I got reunited with the kids. And we had a wonderful time. But only because I had confidence that I could get up there was I able to see Faye Webster. Because the day before, Lily had gone over on her own to the other stage to see this group called The Last Dinner Party. A rocking group of ladies with some, I think they’re from England. Okay. I don’t know The Last Dinner Party that well. But Lily was really, that was her main one she wanted to see. So she went out on her own to see them the first night while we were at the main stage. But then I’m like, I want to surprise Lily, and I want to like, I wanna experience this with her, so I’m gonna try to get up there. By the time I got over there the first night, I was like, man, this crowd is deep. And I had Christy and Nicole with me. And then I’m like, all right. And I’m motioning for them to follow me. And then at a certain point as I’m trying to make my way through the crowd, I realize that Christy’s no longer there. She has abandoned this effort. Okay. And I say to Nicole, ’cause I know Nicole wanted to see them too, and I was like, “Listen, our mission is to get to Lily. “She’s texted that she’s right in the front in the pit, “like almost against the rail, but not quite. “I think we can get to her.” But it looked impossible. I’m like, “Do you mind if I hold your hand?” She said, no. So I grabbed Nicole’s hand, and then I just start going through people. Start going through people. Now let me interject for a moment. Okay. So you are at a concert that features a heavy concentration of Mythical Beasts. You are holding the hand of a woman who is not your wife as you run through the crowd of Mythical Beasts in public. Yeah. This is, I mean- I didn’t even think about that. Okay. Until right now. Until right now. Okay. I also didn’t think about the fact that I was cutting through a bunch of people, many of which might recognize me even if I wasn’t holding a strange woman’s hand. She’s not strange. She was just not my wife. And what’s your technique? You go side with an elbow? I move a little bit laterally. So zigzagging back and forth, like when you’re running from an alligator. And then when you get, but you’re not supposed to do that. Oh. When you get to- You’re not supposed to do that, but that’s what people think you do. When you got to an impasse, did you say something? Excuse me, my wife’s up there or my daughter or- The key is you never stop moving. You just redirect a little bit. Okay. This is why I don’t go to festivals by the way. I have received, I will say at this point, well, I received feedback on TikTok because apparently enough people saw me, people started posting pictures of me on TikTok of them seeing me in the crowd. And then other people would post their pictures of seeing me in the same crowd. So like lots of shots of like the side of my head or the back of my head, or like me looking another way. Which is fine. What was the feedback? The feedback was that I was cutting in front of a bunch of people, and that just because they knew who I was, it wasn’t quite enough reason for them to be okay with me just cutting in front of them. You mean to get closer to the stage? Yes. You’re not supposed to do that once the crowd is set. Well, there was, I mean, if there’s gaps, I’m going for it. Yeah. People do that. People do that. But then people who’ve waited there a long time, they get a little testy. And I got to a point where it got so thick that I was like, well, for a while I was thinking, “We’re gonna make this. “I’m gonna get there. “I’m gonna get there to Lily.” And the show hadn’t started. People were just mulling around waiting for a band to come out. I mean, this is the difference between me and you. I would never do this. And even if my child’s life depended on it, I might be like, I don’t know. I don’t think I can cut. I don’t think I can do it. I think this is it. We’ve said our goodbyes. I don’t think I’m gonna make it. Like, I am so opposed to doing what… Being as big as me, you can’t do it. You can’t do it. You can’t be cutting in line and then being 6’7″ standing in the front. Oh no. Just no festivals, no more. I don’t do it. I started to feel a level of, a little self-awareness. Shame. Shame is the word. A little shame. Yeah, I felt a little shame, and so I started slowing down, and I started, I couldn’t find any way forward. But then the moment I couldn’t make any progress, I was like, all right, this is where we are now. And that’s the dicey moment ’cause you’re stopping and you’re telling everybody- I’m sweating just thinking about this. You’re saying to everybody, “Yes, I was not cutting up here “in order to meet up with anybody. “I was just trying to get as close as I could. “And this is it. “And I’m standing in front of you now.” And you’re tall. I mean, you are tall compared to all these lesbians. I spread my leg. I did spread my legs apart. And a girl said to me, she said, “I’m with her, so…” And I was like, “Oh yeah, why don’t you get in front of me?” This is a nightmare. So then I reunited these two ladies, and I stood behind them. And then other people recognized me. You can’t, listen. You can’t call it you reunited them if you broke them up. Like, you don’t get to take credit for the reuniting. Well, I tried. I did just try. It’s like kidnapping somebody and being like, “Well, I brought her back.” Well, you didn’t have to say that. You’ve got me to thank. So I gave up and I was kind of dejected. And then the… I was wrong. The show was already going on by this point. They were performing. That provided a little bit of cover. But worse also kind of. No, I think it was better. ‘Cause there’s music playing. People are into it. Yeah, everybody’s fixated. They’re distracted. And I spread my legs to get my head lower. And then I just couldn’t, I didn’t find Lily. I couldn’t see her. And so then I’m like, well, I know she’s up there. I’m with her in spirit. How did your friend feel? We were both, I don’t know. I didn’t ask her. I mean, she wasn’t like, “This is awkward.” Nicole said later when she was telling Christy, who abandoned the effort, she said, oh, well you didn’t miss anything except me apologizing to everybody that Link passed. Oh God. I was like the front of the ship that kind of breaks the iceberg so you can go through. And then she was the rest of the ship apologizing to the icebergs. Yeah. But she got a good vantage point out of it. And then we’re watching it, we’re getting into it, and I’m like, you know what, I’m just gonna close my eyes and start… Forget what you’ve done. I’m just gonna be into this. Pretend that nothing just happened. And so I do that, and then my phone vibrates. Oh, you can feel it? I felt my phone vibrate. You got it on super vibrate. And I pull it outta my pocket and I looked down and it said, “Dad, look forward.” From Lily. And I put my phone back in my pocket, and I looked forward and like three people in front of me was Lily. Oh, you almost made it. Lily was there. Like, literally as far as I am from the camera right now, she was there just like, “What are you looking at, Dad?” I was like, “My eyes were closed.” I was just being in the moment. In shame. And so then I was like- A shame spiral. And then we got up, then I skipped those three people and I got up there with her. Of course. And it was awesome. It was great. And then how did the person right behind Lily react to two more people showing up? I don’t know. Everybody was into, you know, everybody’s dancing and there’s a little bit of movement at that point. There’s forgiveness. And this was The Last Dinner Party? Yes. What’s their vibe? Kind of rocky. Pretty intense indie rock. Maybe some synth vibes. Any screaming happening? No, no screaming. Just singing. But good energy. It was a good show. They put on a good show, and they really rocked out as the kids say. Kids are saying that again? I think, maybe so. Faye Webster. Oh, Faye Webster. A little bit sleepy, but I like that. She’s great. I like a sleepy Faye Webster. She was great. She’s the best. Except for Clairo. Sleepo. Sleepo. Sleepy to the like of concern or just like- It was, you know, down tempo. The reason why you like her ’cause it’s like- It’s cool. It’s cool. It’s laid back. And there’s a slide guitar, not a slide guitar. A… Pedal? Pedal steel. She’s got a pedal steel out there. Which if any lesbian brings out a pedal steel, I’m there. And I don’t even know if Faye Webster is a lesbian, but I’m just saying that independent of that. I don’t know her- I don’t know or care. I don’t. And neither do I. I mean, I don’t know if that guy, Noah Kahan, he was there. I saw him. I don’t think you say the H. Kahan? He was there. I think you just say Kahan. He was there first night. Did you see him? I did see him. He was good. He was good. That’s an interesting- He wasn’t really… I’m not his biggest fan, but yeah, it’s pretty broad. Anyway, that’s what happened to me. Thanks for asking. I’m glad you survived, and I’m glad you had somebody there to apologize on your behalf, so I didn’t have to. I’m glad that Lily texted me so I would open my eyes and see that she was literally standing in front of me. Yeah, that was good. That was good. That was good. Next question. Hey, guys, I’m Claire. I’m 22 and I’m a lesbian. But I just moved out of my parents’ house for the first time ever. And I’m really wanting to get out there and just like put myself out there and really start dating. Now you guys both have very beautiful wives. So could you tell me how, I mean, for mostly comedic purposes, tell me how to find someone as beautiful as both of your wives. I do live in the South, so it’s a bit tricky. And I don’t think that I will meet my future wife in the same circumstances that both of you did. But let me know, I guess. Why not? Thank you. First of all, when you call in, you don’t have to say- For comedic purposes. For mostly comedic purposes ’cause we gonna give you mostly comedic purposes. I mean, in fact, you maybe take a little bit of the wind out of our sails when you set it up that way. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god, that was Jenna laughing. I thought it was a live voicemail for a second. And Claire is on the line. I was muted for a while, but there was quite a few things that I was laughing out loud to. Oh, okay. Now you’re not muted. Maybe I should unmute. Okay. You gave us, all right. Well, I was gonna say, yeah, this could be difficult, but I guess if for comedic purposes, I could say church is a great place to meet women like our wives. But I will say, you know, there’s affirming churches these days. Yeah. You know? There’s a lesbian friendly church. There’s lots of ’em. And that’s the word you’re looking for. Is it affirming? Yeah. If you want to Google if the church is gonna be welcoming to gay and lesbians- Right. That’s the code word, right? Affirming? Yeah. You can Google that. Affirming churches in my area. ‘Cause I don’t really know. I mean- You can go to All Things Go next year for sure. Okay, there you go. In Maryland or NYC. I would definitely, I mean, if you’re a fan of somebody that a lot of lesbians are fans of, then that’s a hot ticket. You gotta go to where the lesbians are. Oh my gosh. If I was a lesbian it would’ve been like, I’d been like a kid in a candy store at that festival. Huh. That’s what you gotta do. Maybe knitting stores. You know, I’m generalizing now. Yeah. That feels like shaky ground there. Soap marts. Soap marts? Mm-hmm. Yep. What you know about soap marts? That’s where the lesbians go. Give me an example of one of those. A farmer’s market? Bed Bath & Beyond is crawling with lesbos, I think. Maybe Bath & Body Works. No. Bath & Body Works? Yeah. Maybe. I’d say Lush more likely. Oh. Lush. Lush is good. Is Lush the one with all of the really exotic and like, it’s almost like… It’s very like a teen soap store. That’s kind of what it feels like? Yeah, there’s a lot of like bath bombs. There’s a lot of different things you can create there. Let me tell you right now, I went into one of those- It’s fun. Because Shepherd wanted to go in there, and he’s like, “Dad, you know about Lush?” I was like, “No, son, I don’t.” And, you know, there are a few professions that I have found have an especially high concentration of Mythical Beasts. So one is TSA. I’ve ted it before. There’s something about- You have ted it before. I’ve ted it before. I’ll tay it again. For some reason, people who work in the Transportation Safety Administration, if that’s what it stands for, are Mythical Beasts. I don’t understand. I think it has something to do with watching videos on their break on their phone. Yeah? Because like toll people or security guards. Yeah. Big. Yep. Because you’re sitting there watching YouTube for… Maybe you’re watching- You wanna settle into something. Something fun and lighthearted. Something that takes you out of the troubles of the world. Right. And we bring that. Now the other group is Lush employees. I’ve only been in one store. This is very anecdotal. But boy oh boy, I made a big splash at Lush. There we go. See? Because they’re all lesbians. Yeah. Maybe. Could’ve been. Maybe. Could’ve been. Could’ve been. So there’s that. I would say also, well, it’s right here in front of us. Softball. Oh, if you’re a lesbian and you’re on the market or in the market and you’re not on a softball team- Right. You are really making a miscalculation. I mean, Jenna, are you the only straight person on your softball team? Not the only one. It’s a co-ed team, so… Are you the only woman? Straight woman? I am not the only straight woman. But we do have a couple lesbians. Yes. And they’re good, aren’t they? Yes. And they’re so good at it. They are so good at softball. But so am I. Yeah, well, not right now. I know. Not right now. Not right now. You really messed up your knee. You made me sad now. Yeah, but those lesbians, I don’t see them messing up their knees. No, my friend did. Okay. Just not this year. Okay. She’s been very nice. Yeah, you gotta join a softball. Hiking, right? Hiking. Or just Nalgene stores. I would say REI. REI. REI in general. REI. Yeah. Just take a couple of laps around REI. Yeah, do that. Test out some hammocks. Two person hammocks. One lesbian in a two person hammock. Someone will remedy that. Yeah. You know, and that’s a great just way to break the ice. I’m just curious what this, is it really two person capacity? Right. Can you help me? Can you help me assess that? Says it right on here. Holds up to two lesbians. Yeah, this is risky though. This is a little bit risky. But I think a lesbian could get away with it. Yeah. I don’t think a man could do that. Nope. That’s the great thing about lesbians. I don’t think a man could test a hammock. Nope. It’s creepy. In a store. No, no. But a lesbian could convince me. Right. See, there you go. There you go. I think we’ve given you plenty of options, Claire. And those aren’t just for comedic purposes. Yep. I don’t even know if any of that was funny. Right. Yeah, yeah. Hi, Rhett and Link. This is Thalia. I’m originally from Florida, but right now I’m in England getting my master’s degree in zooarcheology. Yes, that’s a thing. So I’ve been listening to you guys a lot. I’ve listened and watched for a very long time. But as I’m working on my dissertation, I am sorting through boxes upon boxes of animal bones for eight hours a day, every day a week. And I have a question for you guys. I need help with a title for my dissertation. It is focused on Roman butchery patterns left on animal bones in York, England. So any ideas you guys have? It’s from like first to fourth century Britain. But it’s the Romans here. And the Romans really enjoyed cows, pigs, sheep. That’s about it. Some birds. It’s usually what they ate. And normally when they butchered animals, it was with a large cleaver, and like they would just chop a lot of stuff. So I don’t expect you guys to know much about what I’m talking about, but I figured I’d call and ask for any ideas. Thanks. How important is the title of the thesis? I think it makes all the difference in the world. Think it makes all the difference in the world. First impression. First impression. First impression. We gotta do real good. But what is this thing gonna be about? Roman zooarcheological- I think it’s zooarcheology, which is something I didn’t know existed. But now that you explain it, I realize of course it exists. I would call it zarcheology. I don’t think we can change the name of the science. That would be a bad form. But we’ve got- After we name this thesis, they’re gonna be calling on us to rename it all. So we got Romans, we got cleavers, we got the types of animals, we got bones that… They’re studying bones for butchering patterns. Okay. So like the knife marks on bones? Probably. Yeah, probably. Yeah, right, yeah. Okay. And like cleavers floating in Roman aqueducts, you know, and on the sides of the Roman roads. How about this? Let’s start here. What’s that boning say about the Romans? Eh. Okay, there you go. I will tell you, you’re safe here because I already have the answer. Oh, okay. So maybe you can just free flow right now. You can have fun with it knowing that we’re gonna land on it ’cause I already have it. Oh, well, I’m interested. No, but go ahead. Now you have no pressure. Roman, boning… Owning? What kind of knives were the Romans owning when they were doing the boning? De-boning probably. What kind of knives, what kind of… Is there a word that rhymes with owning that’s not, okay. Cronies. Cronies. Roman cronies. Doning. Doning. Doning. Donin’. Moaning. In the mo’ning. In the mo’ning. Okay. With the Roman cronies. What kind of knives were the Romans holding? Yep. What kind of knives were the Romans holding when they were doing the boning? The Roman cronies holding. In the mo’ning. Oh, holding. What kind of knives were the Romans holding when they were doing the boning in the mo’ning? The boning in the mo’ning. Well, they were de-boning in the mo’ning. When they were de-boning in the mo’ning? What kind of knives were the Romans holding when they were de-boning in the mo’ning? Okay, you may have beat me, but I think it’s right there for us. Can I throw in? Damn it. No, I was about to say it! Yes, you can. Yes, you can, you and your knee. I’m sure yours is better. So we can have mine in the middle. Britain-y, cleave her alone! Ha! I like that one. She gets it. Oh, leave Britain-y- Leave Britney alone? What? Cleave her alone. Cleave Britney alone. Cleave Britain-y. Cleave Britain-y alone. I like it. That’s pretty good. That’s pretty good. Okay, we got two good options so far. All right. Can I say? Yes. Yeah. Chopping it up with the Romans. Come on. Don’t look like that. It’s good. Chopping it up with the Romans. Chopping it up with the Romans. What you been up to? What have you been studying? I’ve just been chopping it up with the Romans. Are you familiar? Chopping it up with somebody? Chopping it up with somebody means talking, right? Like, hanging out, talking. Just like, you know, mixing it up. Just getting in the mix with ’em, you know? Yeah, conversing. Conversing, connecting. You know? Picking it up, putting it down, throwing it around with the Romans. Chopping it up with the Romans. They literally chopped it all up. In a nutshell, there’s your answer to your thesis. But I think there’s a way to combine all these. Well, clearly you do. Roman boning. I just feel like Roman boning. Roman boning, you gotta get Roman boning in there somehow. You don’t have to say- I think you need a subtitle. Chopping it up with the Romans. What kind of knives? Subtitles. Subtitle. What kind of knives were the Romans holding when they were de-boning in the mo’ning? First to fourth century Romans zarcheology. Whatever. Give it the boring subtitle. Let me just say, first of all, I’m jealous, you know? Yes, I got a great job. Yes. But it sounds like you’re getting one as well. You know? Sounds like she’s chopping it up with the Romans. Yeah. I’m so disappointed in your disappointment in me. You thought that- I liked it. I mean, I’m just saying that after Roman de-boning in the mo’ning and the holding of it and all that- Just stupid. I know, but I’m just saying I was expecting a little bit, I just was expecting a little bit more. That’s all I’m saying. You really built it up, you know? Simple is better. It’s gonna stick with you. You’re gonna wake up at four o’clock in the morning and you’re gonna be like, “He was right.” There it is. Mo’ning again. Mo’ning. Mine was dumb. Mine was, “Gladiator? I hardly know her or how she bones.” Oh, there we go. See, I mean, we got all kinds of options here. You guys are too far afield. It’s lewd. You’re giving lewd pitches. Mine had nothing lewd at all. Y’all are both lewding it up. I mean, what’s archeology without a little bit of lewdness? Yeah, of course. Yes. I think bone jokes have pretty much ran their course in that community, guys. Low hanging fruit. Well, that’s probably paleontology. They talk about big bones, you know. Okay, whatever. Next. Hi, Rhett and Link. This is Brighton from Salt Lake City. This voicemail is off the presumption that you guys are doing Halloween themed episodes, so I thought I would just kind of like jump the gun. It’s beginning of October for me when I’m recording this. So my question for you guys, my spooky related question is, if you two were to both die, who or what would you haunt? So like is there a person in your life that you would want to haunt? How would you haunt them? Is there an object that you’d want to haunt? And how would you haunt other people through that object? There’s a lot of possibilities. Yeah, if you wanna just let us know, that’d be great. Thank you. Bye. Well, it’s quite presumptuous that we would, you know, that we would be doing like a spooky themed thing ’cause we’re not, you know. This is it. You just made it happen. You’ve created a spooky segment. Brighton, you made it happen. Thank you for doing that. This is a bit tough. I mean, I have an answer. Oh, do you- I have a strategy. Okay, well if there’s any- You wanna do what we did last time and let you go- Yeah, and then I will not be happy with it. And then you’ll be disappointed in my answer? Yeah, I don’t wanna do that. Okay. I’m trying to think, do I have an enemy or somebody that just really wanna mess up their lives? There’s certainly a lot of people doing bad things in the world, but I just don’t, you know, I’d be afraid to pick up the energy they’re putting down. You know, I don’t wanna be hanging around. I assume I’m like invisible until I want to be visible, right? I can easily hide as a ghost. I don’t know how it works. The list is so long of like bad people doing sketchy things, and I’m not, you know, it could be crime, it could be politicians, it could be bad musicians. I just, you know, I’m overwhelmed by the options, so I’m gonna go- Bad musicians. That’s a good target. Just scare ’em into another occupation. It might make a great album. So I’m kind of tempted to go in another direction, which is… Children. Yeah. That’s good. Haunt children because they’re so innocent. I think a lot of ghosts already do this. Because you can- Children can’t be trusted. You get a different reaction out of ’em. Yeah. A lot of ’em are, you find those children that aren’t scared by ghosts. They’re like, just not, they haven’t quite lived enough life to know that it should be scary, you know? It’s like, have you seen that footage of like crawling babies with snakes? They’re not afraid of the snakes. That’s AI, bro. Okay. Well… You just can’t say that and not know it ’cause that’s eradicated my point. And what if it’s not AI? I’m just saying there’s a lot of AI slop going around that’s like- No, but this was- And by the way- Not enough happen for this to be AI. How do I get this out of my social media feed? Let’s just take a slight sidebar here. We need to have a, yes, you need to have a toggle that’s like- Why can’t I hit a button that says I don’t want any AI videos on my social media? Like, why is that not a thing I can just hit? Especially if they’re putting that flag that’s like, “This may be AI.” If it has a flag, just don’t give it to the people who toggle. I don’t wanna see that shit. I don’t wanna see it. I don’t wanna be more confused about the world than I already am. It is a reasonable request. You said the thing about the baby and the snakes. I saw a baby and an alligator. Like, the alligator’s like coming up to the baby and the baby’s trying to feed the alligator, and the mom’s like, “Get away.” And I’m like, I know that’s AI, but the old guy in me wants to believe that it’s real, and I feel like I’m already being taken advantage of. I saw a grandma sitting on bleachers, and she got shot with a t-shirt cannon- I saw the same thing! At point blank range. And I’ve seen it from multiple angles. And I don’t wanna see it at all. Yeah, I wanna toggle that. ‘Cause she sat back up way too fast to not be AI. You know what I’m gonna do? If they don’t create a toggle, I’m just gonna delete the apps. I don’t need it in my life anyway. We don’t need it. I don’t need it in my life. I don’t need it. You don’t need it. I don’t need it. And especially, I don’t need a bunch of fake shit. You’re right. The real shit’s shitty enough. AI toggle. And it’s gonna get to be so good that you’re gonna, we need to get out before we actually start wanting it even against ourselves. I don’t want it. The moment that I know that it’s where it came from, I don’t want it. I know, but you say that, but then you get tricked. No, I’m not falling for it. I’m not falling for it. I am falling for it and I don’t want to. But these babies and these snakes were not, this wasn’t AI. Okay. Are you going to haunt people who have something to do with AI? Yep. Well, that’s a good solution. The people who won’t put the toggle on my TikTok account. You can send messages to the people who make those decisions at these companies. I don’t wanna scare kids. I want to be imaginary friends to kids, But real, but imaginary. Yeah, I want to tell friends that I’m imaginary. I’d like to be an imaginary friend to a kid. Is that weird? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. A little bit. I will say that’s weird. I remember when I decided I was gonna have an imaginary friend. I was out- You decided? I was on the playground in preschool at Lillington Baptist Church. And I was swinging alone. And I was thinking to myself, “I think I’m gonna get an imaginary friend right now.” And it turned out to be way too much work. You gotta imagine ’em the whole time. Yeah. I don’t think that’s how it works. I think that just pop into your imagination. Not for me. Okay. The moment I stopped thinking about him, he was gone. See, I can make it easier. I can make it easier for young children to have imaginary friends. I can take all the work out of it by being a ghost. I have an answer to this question, and I think that it raises another interesting question. Well, the best answers do. So my first thought when asked this question was, I would go and I would haunt a famous atheist. Right? Okay. Like Christopher Hitchings or something? Well, he’s dead. Oh. And- How’d that work out for him? So, but like, okay, so you got Richard Dawkins, but he’s too old at this point, so people would just think he was going crazy. So I hate to say it, but I would have to haunt my friend Alex O’Connor. Okay? You’re trying to, what? Okay ’cause here’s the thing. If I die and I become a ghost, what am I thinking? Oh shit. I’m a ghost. Ghosts are real. Okay. This is a monumental thing that I did not believe was real. So what I need to do is I need to go to someone who, if they become definitively haunted by a ghost in an undeniable way, they will then send the message that ghosts are real. And I’m gonna go around, not just to Alex, but I’m gonna go around to every atheist, every naturalist on earth who has a voice, and I’m gonna haunt them all at the same time because I’m assuming that I can go to multiple ones in a night, right? And all of a sudden they’re gonna be like, “Yes, we’re all being haunted.” And this raises a really interesting question. Why the hasn’t this already happened? Well, language. All right. Okay, listen. I’m upset. I’m upset about AI and I’m upset about ghosts because ghosts are not doing their job. If ghosts are real, you shouldn’t be haunting the crazy people. No offense. You shouldn’t be haunting the people with a predilection to believe in make believe things. You should be haunting the staunch naturalists. You should be showing up at the atheist’s door every single night and making it where they can’t sleep, so they will abandon their worldview, realizing that you’re real, which leads me to now believe that you’re not real because you’re not doing that. So ghosts. Ghosts, listen up. If you’re real, haunt the people who don’t believe in you. This is your mission. Why haven’t you figured this out yet? Don’t haunt the people who already do believe in you ’cause nobody believes them. Haunt the people who say you don’t exist. And what, are you scared? You scared, ghosts? You scared of the atheists? You scared of them not believing in you? What are you doing? You’re failing in your mission. Go haunt Alex O’Connor. And he’s my friend. I like the guy. Okay? But if you’re real, haunt him up a little bit. Yeah, I think he might just start talking about how imaginary friends are real. No, no, no, no, no. I think they wanna lay low, you know? Ghosts wanna lay low. Their mission is not to like convince everybody they exist. The greatest lie ever told was that… You’re trying- Was by Satan himself. What you’re trying to say is the greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing the world that he didn’t exist. Yeah, that’s not true. That’s just something that is said by people who are trying to defend a belief that’s indefensible. But anyway, you’ve got your mission. I gave it to you, ghosts. Get to work. Okay. I think you need to end that speech with like… F-A- F-A-F-O. Yes. Doesn’t that make me seem powerful? Oh, there you go. When I say that kind of thing? I seem so powerful when I say that? That was spooky, y’all. Whoa, you scared me a little bit, Rhett. You got so intense there, I got a little scared. Well, kids… And I’m talking to my imaginary friend loving children out there. Right. Thanks for listening today. I’ll come hang out with you after I die. Yeah. F-A-F-O. Oh goodness. And remember, you can call us because case in point we listen. 1-888- ♪ EARPOD1 ♪ Hang in there, Jenna. Thank you. Hey, Rhett and Link. This is Nick again, the runner. I just wanted to call and thank you guys again for your motivation. I just finished the Hartford Marathon, and I ran 2:56, so whatever you guys did, I guess it worked. Oh, and also don’t worry, Link. I have my “Good Mythical Evening” tickets. “Good Mythical Evening” is blasting off October 23rd at 10:00 PM Eastern, 7:00 PM Pacific. Get your tickets now at goodmythicalevening.com.