Welcome to “Ear Biscuits,” the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Link. And I’m Rhett. This week at the Round Table of Dim Lighting, we are on the sixth-to-last- Mm-hm. episode of “Ear Biscuits” before an indefinite break, six more including this one. Mm-hm. Yep. And this is the one that’s gonna suck, to help you, dear listener- Suck. come to grips, like, to agree that, you know what, it does need it, they do need to take a break. Oh, this one’s gonna be intentionally bad. This one needs to be intentionally bad because I feel like, for the past couple episodes, I’ve been trying to be bad just to make everyone more comfortable, like, “You know what, I think I’m kind of over ‘Ear Biscuits.’” This is a good strategy if you need to break up with someone. Just be a dipshit for a little bit. If you can’t be honest, just be a dipshit, and then they’ll be honest for you. I’ve been trying to be such a dipshit, and it just goes full circle, and I’m just… It’s like free samples at the ice cream shop, you know? I’m dipping, but they keep wanting it. Okay. That’s quite an analogy. That’s why we put a limit on the samples. But there’s no shit in our buckets, dude, is what I’m saying. Okay. Our buckets are full of sorbet. Speak for yourself. But this is gonna be the one. This one’s gonna suck. Okay, well, let’s see if we can do that. Suck. Sorry. Let’s see if we can suck. Suck so bad. Man, this podcast sucks. I mean, based on what I know about internet content, if we suck more, it’ll just work better. I’m sorry to be that guy. Oh, wow, cynical. I’m just sorry to be that guy, but when was the last time that you graphed quality and popularity of content on the internet? You will see that there is an inverse relationship. There’s a reason why things are popular, Rhett. Popular is undeniable. Quality is very subjective. Popularity is measurable. Quality, immeasurable. That’s your opinion. Maybe you’re the problem. Well, I didn’t say… Yeah, I’m saying it’s my graph. I’m just saying that, according to me, what I enjoy and what everyone else enjoys, there tends to be an inverse relationship. That’s all I’m saying. Your taste? And my taste, as far as I can make it, determines at least 50% of what we do. Right? At most, at least. Why don’t you just say 50% exactly? I’m just saying, maybe a little bit less sometimes, maybe a bit more. Maybe a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sometimes it fluctuates. So what I’m saying is that, what we make is based on our tastes, and what we like is based on our tastes. Yeah. So we should just be a couple of dipshits if we wanna be popular. Yeah. I’m agreeing with you because I think that’s a dipshit thing to do. I’m trying to make this podcast suck. Right. Yeah, you’re doing it. It’s working. It’s working. Okay. I think they’re fighting. We could do that, too. Eh, well, we do that. That happens anyway. Yeah, that hasn’t led to anything negative. Yeah, boy. Let me silence my phone ’cause, boy, it is blowing up. Who’s talking to me? Brandi Carlile has a pre-sale starting today. Hm. My iPod, my things that go in my ears, my EarPods, AirPods- They’re missing. They were last seen- They’ve been left behind. Well… What else? Ask Kirk Cameron. That can be a good thing. I’m reading my notifications. Is this gonna do it? You know what? You know what I got in the mail yesterday, speaking of those? Deez nuts? The new AirPods, the threes. You ordered those? Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, why would that scare you? “You ordered those?” What do they offer? What is it? What does them have? Well, I’ve got the number, I’ve got the twos. I guess that’s what I have. And they’re good. They’re great. Battery life is not what it used to be on them, you know, after repeated use. But I got the new ones because I kept seeing people talk about ’em on the internet, and then people are demonstrating these, the translation feature. You know, it’s live translation. You can go to another country where people speak a different language, and it just translates it for you in your ear. Oh, yes. You don’t know about this? I don’t know how well- I saw that- it’s gonna work- but I didn’t know it was in AirPods. Yeah, and I was like, “I just feel like I gotta try this.” It has some other things like- It’s a switch you turn on. Then how do you talk back? supposedly the best noise canceling in history. How do you? Like twice as good as the previous noise canceling. Oh. And how do you talk back to people? So you understand them, and then… If they have AirPods, it translates it for them. You both have, it’s just like two people having an iPhone. Could you put one in their ear? No, that would confuse them. That would confuse it. Well, I’m gonna need- It’s the same set. to learn how to say in Japanese ’cause we’re planning Lando’s big 16th birthday-versary trip to Japan, and this is huge. Well, this is soon. You better have, hopefully you’ve planned it. That’s over Christmas, isn’t it? Yeah. You planned it all? I haven’t planned it. I have plane tickets, and I’m about to get hotel tickets. You are cutting it close. Don’t make me nervous. You are flying way too close to the sun. Well, I don’t think it’s closer to the sun than here ’cause it’s, right? Depending on the time of day? Maybe you’ll be okay. I mean, Japan’s a big place. I mean, there’s probably- Hey, don’t make me nervous. We got this. Okay. Alright. Only thing I need to learn in Japanese is, “May I put my AirPod in your ear?” And then everything else is taken care of. I don’t know a lot about Japan, but I think that might be culturally insensitive if you were to do that. It might be an inappropriate- Well, I’m asking a question. American thing. I’m not just putting it in their ear. “I’m putting this in your ear.” You might even get on the news. “There’s an American going around asking to put his EarPod in people’s ear. I also just don’t think it’ll work because- It’s a clean one. It won’t ’cause it’s the same set. it’s translating Spanish, [Jamie] it’s translating Japanese to English for you. It’ll be doing it in their own ear. So it’s not gonna be helpful for them. They’ll hear themselves talking, and they will hear it going into English because that’s what’s happening in your ears. And, first of all, I don’t know how well this works. That’s their problem. And, by the way, it’s gonna be translating into French because I do know a little French. Yeah, you wanna make it familiar. And I wanna have some challenge to it. I want there to be some sort of like cultural barrier, it might as well be a French one. Another cultural barrier? Let’s put a French cultural barrier between me and my Japanese interaction. “There’s a man going around Japan, asking if he can put his AirPod in your ear so that it can be translated into French. He’s American. No, he doesn’t speak French. He just took three years of it in Harnett County Public Schools. We’re both going to be hearing French and not understanding it. So we’ll be on a level flaying, playing field. Yeah, a flaying field. Live from the flaying field. Hello. Baguette. I’m just gonna… Look, I’m just gonna, what I’m taking issue with is that, if this was the college boys’ trip, which you and Herm are the ones who make the decisions about, like, the accommodations, it would have so been figured out months ago. Like, if we hadn’t figured out where we were staying on a college boys’ trip, and it was literally six weeks before we leave, you would be flipping out. I don’t understand how this happened. This is what I’m issue with. Well, we have a travel agent. Okay. And she says this is okay? I don’t know. She hadn’t said it’s not okay. I mean, when we were making plans for Croatia, we were using a travel agent as well, and they said… And it was like eight months- It’ll be fine. seven months ahead of time, and they were like, “You’d better hurry up because all the good places are being taken.” It’s like, “Oh, God. Oh, God.” There’s a lot more places. There is a lot of places, and maybe over Christmas there’s not that many people there, tourism. I’ll let you know. It’s gonna happen. I mean, you could go to one of those hotels where you just get in little slots. Sleeping pod-type thing? Yeah. That’s what Locke did recently when he went there. I forgot he went there. Yeah. He just slept in like a nothing, it was nothing but a bed. It was a slot. Yeah, he and his friends. ‘Cause, you know, it’s cheap. They’re doing, I think it was less than 100 bucks a night or something. So you could do that, save a little. And there was probably like still a place, a lounge area you could just sit, probably, but communal. Well, there’s a place you can put your stuff. When it’s a shared bathroom? I think there’s a little drain in every pod. No, it’s not a coffin. Yeah, a shared bathroom. Communal bathrooms. You can do that. That’d be a good experience for you and your family. Oh God, they’re gonna love that. So we have a backup plan. It’s gonna work out. Just say it’s gonna work out. I think it’ll work out, I’m just surprised that it hasn’t been planned yet. Maybe I don’t understand Japan. It’s being planned. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, we were looking at hotels last night. I think there’s availability. Hold on, did that almost… It almost didn’t suck there for a second, but it still sucked. Yeah, two guys just talking about whether or not there’s availability of hotels. Yeah, that’s not good. That’s not good. Why would you listen to that podcast? Yeah. There’s so many other podcasts that are better than this. Yeah. Which is what we did, you remember we won a best podcast award one time, and we beat “Radiolab.” Yeah, and that’s what we said. We said- And we got up, and we did a speech, and we said, “Our podcast is not better than “Radiolab.” And Al Roker, who was the one who presented the award, he was like, “Well, I’ve never heard an acceptance speech like that.” You know, we were deferential. We’re keeping it real. Also, that night, DJ Khaled was in the green room, and we were gonna meet him. Yeah, he was. I mean, I didn’t know anything about him, but I knew that I had heard the name. And, apparently, he was being a diva, and I didn’t know anything about him. But then I was watching Sean Evans being interviewed by someone recently about something, and it, I don’t know if this is a recent interview or if it just popped up on my feed, but they were talking about the DJ Khaled episode, which is infamous. You know, this is first season of “Hot Ones,” and it’s where DJ Khaled bows out after the third wing. Even the first wing, he’s like, “Man, this is spicy.” And then he totally cops out of the thing, and Sean just kind of lets him have it the whole time. And- ‘Cause it wasn’t established that, yeah, you can’t go on the show and do that. I’m just gonna say, you combine that episode of “Hot Ones” with my experience with DJ Khaled in the green room, which he ended up, he didn’t want anybody in there. I think he wanted his own green room. There was only one green room, and he wanted it to himself because he was DJ Khaled. There’s other celebrities, including Al Roker, who were there. I’m not even talking about us, I’m talking about Al Roker. But then you combine that with a third data point about DJ Khaled is that he once bragged about how he doesn’t do cunnilingus. He bragged about it. Oh. I mean, first of all, if you’re a man and you’re bragging about not performing cunnilingus, and you’re not gay… I’m just saying, like, obviously, if you’re gay, and you’re like, “Uh,” I mean, it’s… But I’m just saying- It’s redundant. I just, this is not something to brag about. This is- Yeah. That alone makes me not like you. But combine that with bowing out of the third wing, and then hogging the green room to yourself… That was a whole thing. The cunnilingus thing, that’s a whole, I don’t know. You know, it’s a whole thing, or it was, at least, in certain male circles. I think it was a bragging right to… I don’t know, it was very wrong-minded, I agree, but I think it was something like, I don’t know, the idea behind it was, “I’m not going to.” You know, “I don’t give pleasure, I receive pleasure because I deserve it” or something. That’s not a good look. That’s even worse. No, I think that’s what, that’s the other reason it makes it bad is because that’s always been a part of it. I’m saying I’m judging a man for not liking it. I realize that’s wrong. Everybody, you do you, whatever. I’m just saying that, I’m letting you know, I’m being vulnerable here, if you’re a heterosexual man and you don’t like eating, mm-hm, then I judge you. I judge you, okay? I openly judge you, I think less of you, and I don’t think I would want to be your friend. I’m just being completely honest. I might be wrong, I’m just being honest here because I’m trying to make this podcast suck as hard as I can. You’re not wrong. This does not make the podcast suck. Yeah, just makes it- Oh, okay. You’re not wrong. And I’m saying if you dig even deeper- We skew female listenership. Yeah, we skew. It gets worse if you dig deeper, that’s what I’m saying. Then it becomes about, like, refusing to give pleasure to somebody? Yeah, that is worse. The digger you deep, the get it’s worse. Yeah, I’m just talking about preferences here. You know? Like, if you don’t like pizza, I don’t like you. You know what I’m saying? Like, I mean, we gotta have some standards for who we let into the inner circle. Okay, so like, you’ve got- You don’t like pussy, you don’t like pizza- Those are your questions? you can’t be my friend. Is there a third P? I mean, what are the three things to be friends with with Rhett? To be friends with you? Pandas. Pandas? Pandas? How could you not like pandas? Like, if you, legitimately, if you don’t like- It’s the three P test. pussy, pizza, and pandas, you can’t be my friend. Unless you’re gay. Unless you’re gay. And then you have an exemption. Right, but you still gotta like pizza and pandas. And you have to like ’em more. Okay. You gotta make up for it. You gotta make up for it if you’re gay. Is there another P that you could, if gay, there’s a fourth P? Hmm. I mean, I guess pickles, that kind of works. Pens. Pens. Holy shit. I mean, I got- If you’re gay, you have to like… Well, hold on, then this is weird. Or penis. Penis? Not penis. Rhett? If you’re gay. Well, that’s redundant. No, is it? And Rhett doesn’t care if a gay man likes penis. Right, ’cause I just know that’s the case. Rhett, I mean, you could be- This is true. I don’t know, I’m sure there’s gay men that don’t like penis. There’s every type of person. There’s all kinds of persons. And that’s not my point. That’s not my point. But it could be. Right. And you don’t have to like everybody, that’s what I’m saying. I’m not saying you’re a bad person if you don’t like pizza, I’m just saying you can’t be my friend. Everybody can’t be my friend. No, they can’t. You know what I’m saying? You’re just not enough. So what is the P for gay people? Pens? Pens. So, hold on, in order for you to accept a gay friend, they have to like pens now? This is a weird byproduct- I mean, you gotta not- of this exercise. You can’t not like them. You can’t just have a distaste for them. But it seems like you’re holding gay men to a higher standard to be your friend is all I’m saying. I think it needs to be, pickles is probably good. Pickles is, they’re too polarizing. Yeah, but you can’t be friends with all gay people. But I need more gay people in my life. I don’t have a pickle exception. But there’s a lot more people that like pickles than pens, so at least we’re headed in the right direction. Like, we currently don’t have a gay couple that is like, that comes to game night, you know, when we do like a game night. Like, I don’t know what mistakes we have made that that has happened. I mean, it’s a pretty small crowd, but, like, what happened there? What did happen there? I think you, we’d… I think your relationship drifted with the gay friend that did come because maybe he didn’t like pens enough. Well, that’s complicated. Yeah. You brought it up, though. That’s complicated. It has nothing to do with him. It was other factors, you know. Yeah, it had nothing to do with him. And it wasn’t a couple, it was just, I’m talking about a couple. I like to deal with people in pairs. All right, I’ll be on the lookout. I think on my walk, I know a couple of gay couples on my dog walk. Okay. I’ll work on that. But I’m gonna have to ask ’em about the four Ps. “Do you like pizza?” Mm-hm. “Do you like pandas?” Yeah. “And do you like pickles?” Pens. I don’t want to go, pens is too high of a standard. It’s gotta be low. It’s gotta be like walks on the beach. Yeah, but nobody… Lots of people- Pedestrian. they dislike pickles. Pedestrian crosswalk lights. But pens is kinda like… Like, “Hey, are you gay? Do you like to cross the street at a place where a flashing light comes on when you hit a button? I like that.” That requires a lot of context. “Are you gay, and do you like walking across the street?” Let’s just keep it at the two things, pandas and pizza. Gay people only gotta like two things to be my friend. It’s easier to be your friend if they’re gay? Yes. I’m lowering the standard. There you go. There you go. Yeah. Yep. That’s good. There you go. We figured it out. I don’t think you should try to be friends with a gay couple. I think you should try to be friends with one of ’em, not the whole couple. That’s too high of a standard. Just because they’re both men doesn’t mean they can both be your friend. Well, they can be lesbians, too. Well, no, that’s my thing. Whoa, whoa, you don’t have… I mean, you don’t have- I don’t have a lesbian- a lesbian couple in your, like, tight friend group. No, I don’t. I’m gonna work on that, too. It’s very disingenuous of me. And I’m sure that there’s gay couples, lesbian couples, you name it, I bet you they need more straight white men in their lives. This could be a win-win. Well, I will say this, I will say this, that I’ve seen a lot of people on the internet talk about how they don’t want straight men in their lives. You know? I get it. And I understand that. People are like, “I don’t have any room for straight men in my life.” I’m like, “Okay, well, I mean, I, you know, I’m looking for people who like pandas and pizza. That’s what I’m looking for.” You know? So I’m available. Pens and pandas. I’m not an asshole. You know, I’m quite pleasant, actually. “Do you like penis, pizza, and pandas, and as a bonus, pens? Well, you could be Rhett’s friend at a discounted rate. Right, yeah. You know? Yeah, right. What are my three things- Oh God. you ask? Okay, well, no, I didn’t. Why didn’t you ask, dude? Well, it seems like we were figuring out what I was about. Well, we did. Okay. What about me? Well… But this all started with the- What did this start with, needing more friends? I’m saying- Oh, don’t be your friend. I have a lot of friends. I have a low- It started out with DJ Khaled. Yeah. Yeah, but like, I’m just saying that- The problem is you don’t have enough friends. No, I think I got enough friends. Not in my opinion. But I think I have plenty of friends. I actually, I need to do the opposite. I need to start weeding people out. I have more close friends than the average male my age. Okay. I agree with that. And I just feel like if I had that many more… Like, you know, I got… Like, once you start really thinking, I got people that I do one thing with. I got a guy I play golf with, you know? I got another guy I kind of play golf with, but he travels a lot, so that hasn’t happened recently. You know? And then I got the people that like, I would invite to a birthday party, which I guess is a smaller group. You have enough friends, they’re just not gay enough. Yeah, that’s what I’m getting at. But what I’m saying is like, where do you draw the line- ‘Cause you can’t be friends with all of them. of like, somebody doesn’t like this? Well, I’m just trying to think what my things are. Well, start with the thing… Start with what they, if they don’t like this, it pisses you off, because that’s how you find your first P. Our days are jam packed: back-to-back meetings, deadlines, and filming. I get so excited to hit my bed. Sleep is so important to me. You already know sleep is one of my favorite things. My hybrid Leesa mattress makes sleep so easy, too. I never have to worry if falling asleep will be hard. When Jessie and I go out of town and sleep in hotel rooms, it’s nice, you know, but I definitely love going home to my Leesa mattress. It’s plush where I want it, firm where I need it, and I actually sleep through the night without tossing and turning. What I love is that Leesa isn’t just a mattress, it’s a whole experience. Each one is crafted in the USA, designed for how you sleep, and made from premium materials that feel indulgent but supportive. Plus, they give back thousands of mattresses donated each year and partnerships to help clean our oceans. It’s comfort you can feel good about. Go to leesa.com for 30% off mattresses, plus get an extra $50 off with promo code EAR. That’s L-E-E-S-A.com, promo code EAR for 30% off mattresses, plus an extra $50 off. Let ’em know we sent you after checkout. Leesa.com, promo code EAR. Well, we recently did. We kind of did this for me, now that I’m realizing it. We did a version of this. We have a “Good Mythical Morning” episode, I don’t think it’s out yet, it could be out, where we did a dating show format, and I tried to find a new- Oh, yes. well, not a new best friend, a backup best friend, hosted by you. So it was very gracious that you were trying to help me find another friend. I don’t want to give away which friend I chose. I want you to watch the episode, but- Have you been in touch with this person? I don’t know if they cut this, but the realest question that I asked, not yet, of the panelist behind the curtain, that I couldn’t see, and they may have cut it ’cause it might have gotten a little too real, I wanted to know if they had any young kids in the house. I just am not a point in my life when I need to be friends with people with young kids. I just can’t. I can’t. We’re not, we’re at different places in life. I can’t be friends with somebody with young kids. It’s too hard for you. Yeah, I recently, Jessie and I went out to dinner with a couple of friends that are mutual friends of ours, and they have kids that are a little bit younger than ours, but they are now old enough to be at home alone. Yeah, the youngest might be, what, 13, 12. Yeah. And they said two things. And I never understood that we had this influence on them. They were talking about me and Jessie and you and Christy, and they were saying that, “We learned from you guys that we can leave our kids at home.” Uh-huh. ‘Cause I do think that there is something with this generation of parents that are helicopter parents and overprotective, that they think that like, “I can’t leave.” Like, if you’ve got two kids, one of them is 16 and one of them is 11, you can leave them alone. You can, I mean, there’s a law for this. I mean, just be honest, we did a lot younger than that. Just gonna be… I don’t know what the age was in which we left Locke and Shepherd home, like to go out on a date. But, you know, I think if one of them- We’ll be back in two hours. Depending on their personality, I think if one of them is 12 or older, you’re in the clear. Can we look up the law, the California law on this? Not like leaving ’em alone, like for the weekend, but I’m saying like, to go out. Yeah, like- ‘Cause the other thing that was a part of this conversation was not having kids at get-togethers. ‘Cause we set that bar really early with our friends. And we didn’t think about it that much. We were just like, “Hey, if we’re all getting together, we’re not all bringing our kids.” Somebody’s like, “Are kids invited?” I’m like, “No. What?” Because we want to have fun. What the hell? This is interesting. In California, there’s technically no legal minimum age a child can be left alone, but it says that social workers suggest children should be at least 12 years old before being left alone for up to four hours. Social workers. There you go. I said 12. That’s what I thought. I stand by it. Even in California, they leave it to the parents. Who would’ve thought? It literally says, “Consider the child’s maturity and assess the situation.” So, I always thought there was an age. I did, too. Yeah, it’s interesting that… But I don’t want, I just don’t want to be friends with your little kid. And I’d rather not have to talk about all the challenges you’re facing because I’m done with those. And I also forgot. And I forgot. But you start asking me questions about young kids- And then you start asking me questions, and I don’t, I have nothing to tell. I can’t help. I blocked it out. I don’t have accessible experiences. And then I get down on myself. I’m like, “Am I that bad of a dad that I don’t-” No, you’re just forgetful. I forget, too. I don’t remember. I don’t remember what I did, but I did a damn good job. Well, let’s be honest, we did a lot less than our wives. Christy and Jessie did awesome jobs. They did a lot more. And we should remember more of it. That’s the other reason we don’t remember any of it, ’cause we were- When our kids- were really little- That was the grinding years. was when we were working harder than we ever have worked. I was telling a guy, we got coffee with a guy yesterday, and he’s our age, but he’s got a kid who’s like seven or eight. And I was like, “Dude, you get to be such a better dad.” ‘Cause he seemed self-conscious. Like, once we told him how old our kids were, this is a conversation we have a lot with acquaintances in LA, where it’s like, “You got kids?” It’s like, “Yeah, I got three. One’s outta college, one’s in college, and one’s, you know, a sophomore in high school.” “Rhett has kids, too?” “Yeah, they’re right in between my three kids.” It’s like, “What the?” and then you come back from the bathroom, and we’ve had the conversation. You’re like, “Oh, yeah, no, he’s feeling,” you could tell this guy felt dejected, right? It’s like, “Man, I just have this 7-year-old I’m trying to deal with.” And I’m like, “Dude, listen, here’s the silver lining: You have the capacity to be such a better dad to your 7-year-old than I was to mine.” I was trying to make it feel better, but I do believe it. I was like, “You have more time on your hands ’cause you’re successful.” I assumed he was successful. I mean, he was meeting us for coffee. He knows. I mean, who’s got time to meet us? He’s about to be. No, what I mean is, who’s got time to meet us for coffee if they’re trying to grind and make something happen? We didn’t have time for that. Okay, that’s true. So I was like, “You’re successful. You have extra time on your hands. You can be such a better dad. You’re mature. You’ve got more life experience. You have perspective on how beautiful it is to usher a child through their younger years of life.” I had none of that. And what I did have, I don’t remember, but it was great. You had more than that. But also- I was just trying to make him feel good. when we were younger- But I’m not gonna be his friend because it’s like, am I gonna invite him? “Well, I got a 7-year-old. Can he come?” “No, your 7-year-old can’t come.” We knew less about, I would say I definitely knew a lot less about myself and my challenges, and was much less in touch with like my emotions or whatever. And so, when they were younger, I definitely wasn’t as emotionally mature as I am now. I’ve hopefully still got, you know, a long ways to go in that regard. But the thing, and we were working harder. You know, I think I feel like I’m working as hard as I can as a 48-year-old man, but I do think that we pulled all-nighters back in the late 20s, early 30s, so that was still kind of a regular thing. And also, we didn’t have help. We had like one person at a time, so we were doing a lot of the minutiae. Mm-hm. So I do think there was a little bit less left in the tank for kids. But he was talking about, in his early days, he would go to be working on some project in Arkansas and go have to be in Arkansas for two months. You can’t. We never did that. Right. The longest we were ever away from our families was two weeks. I think that was the maximum limit that we put on it. Yeah. It was like we- There might have been a three-week one. And that wasn’t regular. That was maybe a once-a-year kind of thing. So, you know, to make you feel better vicariously, ’cause I think your kids would probably say the same thing, I was having a conversation with Shepherd the other night, and we were talking, I was asking him some questions to see how he might be prepared for a series of circumstances that he might find himself in, let’s just say. Like, we were just having a conversation about, “If you find yourself in this situation, what would you do?” It was just one of those like, talking to your 17-year-old kid to see how their brain is working. Right. See if it’s online yet. Like if you put your head through two slats in a staircase railing system. And you can’t reach your phone. And then you can’t get your head out, but you can’t reach your phone. Stuff like that. What are you gonna do? That was the exact scenario that we were talking about. How did you know? And he, when I asked him- The only person that can help you is a drug dealer. And I asked him this question, and he said, he was laughing. He laughed at me, and then he said, “Dad, you did a lot better job raising me than you think you did.” Aw, really? That’s so sweet. ‘Cause he’s like, “I got this. I’m fully cooked.” Is that what he’s saying? But in a good way, not in the way we were talking. What he was basically saying is, “The questions that you are asking me indicate that you do not trust me or trust my discernment in this particular scenario that you have given me here in the kitchen as we stand late at night.” Okay. And he’s laughing at it, ’cause he’s like, “I know what I would do in that situation, and the fact that you don’t know that I know what I would do indicates that you don’t understand how good of a job you did raising me.” And I was like, wow. He turned that back on you masterfully. That was pretty good. He said, “Get off my back” in the most complimentary way possible. He could just be totally playing me. I mean, it’s brilliant what, I mean, you’ve taught him well. Like, the level of manipulation that you didn’t even know you were experiencing, you’ve taught him well. Right. Right. That is great, though. But I said that to encourage you. Okay. Because I feel like your kids would say the same thing. So I need to try the same thing. I need to like insult them with hypotheticals and see if they come back and say, “You’ve prepared me so well for everything.” Well, no, it’s just like when we were getting ready to, we were sending Lincoln off. It was his senior-year graduation party. And we’re all sitting in the room, and he’s getting ready to go off to college, and everyone is giving him advice. You know, it’s just like we, it’s a very sweet tradition that we have amongst our closest friends. So, yeah, see, we do invite our kids over for things, occasionally. But only when they’re like 18 and ready to go to college, when they’re adults. And everyone gives them a piece of advice. And Mike always goes last because it’s always the best. Yeah. But everyone did this, and I am no, personally, I feel like I’m really, I’m bottom rung. This is like one of my… You give me time to go prepare for something, I’ll bring you something, but you like, say, “Say something of encouragement to this child,” it’ll be like, “Uh, I don’t…” That part of my brain is a black hole. And it has not developed, no matter how hard I’ve tried. But we were all giving advice to… Lincoln. To Lincoln. And then the expectation is, at the end of this, the child, Lincoln, will say something. And he just said, he was like, he like kind of dug deep, and he was just like, “Um, I just want y’all to know that I’m not an idiot.” Yeah. And it was just like, hold on. Literally, that’s your child, Link. What do you mean that’s what he said? Did what we said- I think it did. make him think that we thought he was an idiot? Or I think he was just saying- Apparently. that, like, “I know y’all might be worried about-” “Son, if you go to college and you find yourself with your head stuck between two rungs of a ladder, don’t panic.” Yeah, you should be encouraged, you know? We should all be encouraged. But we’re definitely not gonna invite you over. In fact- We’re very proud of our kids. One of the things that I’ve been doing lately, speaking of not being friends with people, is I’ve actually been… You’ve observed this. I’ve been reaching out to people who I know from the internet, whose work I enjoy, and connecting with them. I got one coming into town this weekend, you know? Yes. I’m glad to hear that, see that. And so I’m kind of making those connections. And there’s a couple of people back in North Carolina that, they’re in a field that I respect, or would like to connect with, or whatever. In a field of entertainment, we’ll just say. And I was like, “Oh, they’re like, they live really close to where our place is in North Carolina.” And then I start looking up, and it’s like, “Oh, she just had a baby.” And I’m like, close the laptop. Yep. I’m sorry, I just can’t. That’s a different stage of life. But does she like pizza? You got a baby? Wait a few years. So that’s a trump card, man. It’s like, what’s the P for- If you just had a baby, whoo, you need to be with people who just had babies or don’t have babies. So do you like pizza, pussy, and what? Pandas. Pandas. Pizza, pandas, pussy, caveat, you haven’t in the past 10 years procreated. You don’t have a child under 10. You don’t have a child that you can leave alone. 12. I mean, we agree on this. So we’re going with 12. Right. You can’t have a child… You can have children under 12, but you have to have one that’s 12 or up that they can take care of ’em. The next kid that I’m gonna interact with willingly is my own grandchildren. Like, that’s how I think about it at this point. I don’t need anybody else’s kids in my life. Well, hold on, maybe. I mean, my nieces are… Well, yeah, I got, they’re… Well, back in North Carolina, I got a niece and nephew. They’re younger, and I love them, and I- That’s different. That’s family. That’s family. That’s different. Yeah. I don’t wanna throw my family under the bus. Just like you tell your kids- Well, I didn’t wanna even go there. “I’m not gonna hang out with you until your child is 12.” No, I’m gonna be the dotiest grandfather, I know. And we actually have, Jessie has a close friend who’s a, you know, close friend of the family who is with child and will have a baby probably in January. And she’s like, “That baby’s gonna be over here a lot.” You’re gonna be holding this baby. And she’s like, “And you, it’s gonna,” she knows how I am. Jessie’s telling you this. Yeah, she knows that like, I talk like this, but then you give, the baby is in my presence, and I will be, you know, I’ll be- Doting on the baby. Yes, my heart will break. But as long as I don’t see the baby, I’m okay. You know, I don’t want, don’t bring your little cute kid around me. I don’t wanna see it. It’s avoidance. Yeah. Now, so you’re talking about reaching out to people, and you’re infiltrating your fields of interest. Infiltrating is not the right word, but, you know, I would like to think that I’ve maybe inspired you to do this because of my own infiltration into my area of interest. I don’t know if you’ve noticed. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I think many of us have. People are noticing. They’re calling it my side quests. Right. I’m starting to, I’ll post some things, it’ll be like “Bizarre Meetings.” And I like the idea of that, having like a bizarre side quest. Yeah, I think when people see the people that I am connecting with, they’re like, “Oh, that makes sense.” But for some reason it’s always a surprise when they see you with the people that you’re connecting with. Because I am infiltrating the world of hip-hop. Right. And no strings attached, just a fan. I’m not trying to be a rapper. I’m not trying to make YouTube content with anybody. Now, do I throw out my credentials? It sounds like you do. Well, so there’s a “Good Mythical More” that’s now out. We’ve been waiting for this to come out. We wanted to talk about it specifically here at the Round Table of Dim Lighting because I think it’s… Well, I know that it’s a conversation that we would’ve had here, that I decided to tell you about it on the “Good Mythical More” episode instead. As an example of how things are gonna be, you know? Yeah, you know, I wanted to save this story for that. So I don’t know what they’re calling it. It’s probably something about like, “Did Link Completely Embarrass Himself in Front of His Musical Hero?” or “Link Meets the Alchemist, and It Doesn’t Go Well,” or I’m sure there’s some sensational title, but it’s basically just the story of me having my first meeting with hip-hop producer and rapper extraordinaire, the Alchemist. And- Let me interject just for those of you listening or watching. So, again, this is a “Good Mythical More,” and I don’t know what we ended up calling it, but this is the challenge: I’m just gonna just talk shop with y’all for a second. The challenge with taking this kind of content and bringing into “Good Mythical More” is that, because it’s not called, “We Tried New Snacks” or some version of “We Tried New Snacks,” and it’s “Link Embarrasses Himself in Front of His Hero,” that title is much more of an “Ear Biscuits” title, right? I’m not saying that we don’t do things. If we wanted to, if we were only concerned about views, then every single episode, without any exception, would be us eating food, and we would do it in “Good Mythical Morning,” and we would do it in “Good Mythical More.” That isn’t our only, getting views and sustaining this business is not the only goal. So we do a lot of other things that we know are not gonna perform well, right? As well. As well. We hope that they will perform well. We see the people talking about, “I wish you did more of this because that’s what I like as a fan who watches a lot.” And we take that into account, and we try to find that balance. And that balance is probably not where you want it to be, but it’s where someone else wants it to be. And it’s also not where someone else who disagrees with you on the other end of the scale wants it to be. So it can’t make everybody happy all of the time. But I’m just letting you know. But it’s pretty close to where we want it to be, but it is a constant, it’s the constant tension to keep it where we want it to be. I would like the balance to be less food. Less food. I agree with that. So we go between- We’re living in a tension. We go between this, okay, if you take five episodes, right, five episodes of GMM, let’s just talk GMM for a second. So you take five episodes of GM. So right now, three out of the five are food related. Sometimes one of those fourth or fifth ends up having food in it, even though it has nothing to do with food, but it has food in it, and then that’s translated into the thumbnail because algorithm. Yep. We, the two of us, pushed to go to two food episodes, so two out of five, so a minority of episodes. And we did that for like a season or two. That’s right. And that season did not perform well, right? Right. And again, that is a factor because how well… It affects everything about our business, how those perform. Because it’s not just the AdSense revenue, but the average view count that you get on a video is how brands that work with you judge how much they’re gonna pay you, right? And we’re not like trying to sit around and be Scrooge McDuck around here, like swimming in cash. What we’re trying to do is we’re trying to have a sustainable business. And so that balance, right now it’s a three out five. Hopefully that can get back down to two out of five, but what it takes is it takes the people who like the non-food episodes to show up. That’s what it takes. It just takes you to show up. So what I’m gonna do now is, the standard for “Good Mythical More” is not as high as the standard for “Good Mythical Morning,” right? It doesn’t have as much engagement. But we want to move these conversations to “Good Mythical More,” but what we’re asking you to do is just show up. We’re just asking you to show up. It’s like you see one of those episodes that’s not food related, and you’re like, “Oh, Link’s about to tell a story that would’ve been on ‘Ear Biscuits.’” Watch it, click on it, share it. You know, comment, like it, do the things that cause it, juice it a little bit. Juice it, baby. I think I’m so glad that you’re talking about this because- ‘Cause that’s what we want to do. I do think that like getting a level of cooperation from Mythical Beasts is helpful, and for them to understand how we think about this. I will also add, and I guess ask, that no matter what the title of the “Good Mythical More” is, our objective is to create an environment of unpredictable conversation and like surprising and delightful conversation, which is, you know, a big part of what I’m gonna miss from sitting at this table, is just the being able to goof off and say things, just not knowing what’s gonna come of it. And it’s, I mean, is it a comedic exercise? Yes. But it’s a creative exercise. It’s fun to do that. And there’s a challenge there, and there’s a dance, and I think that’s the energy that we bring to every single episode of “Good Mythical More,” especially as it evolves. So what the team helps us with is they give us a task or they give us a concept that- Is a way in. It does something for us, and it does something for the algorithm, and it does something for a potential viewer. So it draws people in because it’s an understandable title in a thumbnail that you might think you would be interested in seeing. And then- So we’re gonna be doing that quite a bit. It might be tasting snacks, but if I’ve got a story that I don’t think is a clickable thing, but it’s just like, “I did this dumb thing and I need to tell you about it,” I’ll tell you that story while we’re tasting snacks. And you might just need to watch “Good Mythical More” in order to know that that story happened, even if- And about halfway through, we might just abandon the snacks. Might abandon the snacks. If we really get on a roll. Right. But if we don’t get on a roll, then we at least have the snacks as something that’s kind of like a spine to the episode. It gives us a sense of structure that we can deviate from. So I’m actually very excited about “Good Mythical More” becoming even more of a playground for different things, some of which we’ve talked about here, you know, the potential for maybe throwing in a voicemail here or there, like all that type of stuff. You know, it’s all just floating out there and we’re seeing. But I guess to get back to what I was saying about this episode, I took video of me meeting Uncle Al for the second time. Now, the first time I met him, I didn’t take any pictures or video. It was at a concert, and he was standing like off the side stage, and we had, like what you might expect to be a forced and not as brief as it needed to be conversation. But this one was documented. My point of view, I’m filming, and I ask you to like process it and give me feedback on, how bad was this? ‘Cause this interaction meant a lot to me. And I guess, I mean, I think it was pretty funny. I believe so. I think that our conversation was pretty funny. I got a kick out of it. My feelings weren’t hurt. Oh, I’m sure your feelings will be hurt in the comments. I’m saying that the fictitious world that people create in the comments will be one in which your feelings will hurt. Oh, but they won’t be. Right, I’m just saying that- People will think that my feelings are being hurt- They’re fantastical. but no, I subjected myself to an analysis for the sake of the comedy of it because I knew it was ridiculous. And it’s fine, look- My two friends can’t wait to see it, the ones who were with, they were like, “Just send me the video.” I’m like, “It’s not out yet.” I’m just letting you know- ‘Cause they were laughing at my ass. I encourage your fantastical delusion, okay? I encourage it because it helps with engagement. I am feeding into, if you have a fantastical delusion in which link is constantly made fun of and his feelings are always hurt, I encourage you to continue believing that because it causes you to comment, and comments help. The whole point that I’m trying to get across is that we need your engagement, right? I’m in charge of putting things up for, ridicule’s too strong of a word, but that’s the exercise. Well, it was your idea. That’s exactly what I’m saying. And, just to let you know- That’s exactly what I’m saying. if you play this video, and I didn’t know what was gonna happen in the video, but I already knew that my angle was going to be, “I’m going to make fun of him and make him feel that he did a horrible thing.” Because that’s funnier. Yes. It’s funnier than me saying, “You know what, you know what? You should feel great about this.” Right. “You should feel fine.” Unless I was doing that as a sarcastic thing. ‘Cause, again, I may not be as funny as you want me to be, but I’m trying really hard. That’s what I’m trying to do. Right. Hey, I get it, man. No, but I also appreciate the people. I always, again, you go to Reddit more than I do, but I do go over there quite a bit, and I will get caught up, so I probably end up seeing most of the conversations. And there’s always the conversation about what we’re talking about, and then there’s a person who comes in and says, “Guys, guys, it’s entertainment. They’re entertainers.” And it’s just so interesting to see that. I’m not saying, “Hey, we’re entertainers.” I’m saying, “Believe what you wanna believe, just ’cause it makes the world a beautiful place.” You know? ‘Cause you’ll believe what you’re going to believe because you’re going to, anyway- You’re going to, anyway. I think is really what you’re saying. Yeah. Since that event, much more recently, and now this has been posted on Instagram and before, I think, this “Good Mythical More” came out, I met the Alchemist for a second time. So I have a follow-up that I will give you here to that first meeting. I went to the Freddie Gibbs Alchemist Alfredo II Tour stop in Downtown LA. I should have gone both nights, and I was gonna go both nights, and then I freaking… Christy, I don’t know, she thought it was, she thinks it’s funny that I’m such a fanboy. Why would you go both nights? That’s what she said. I’m like, “‘Cause I’m a fanboy.” I want to be there. Like, the first night, I wanted to get the VIP record and not have to burden my friends to get there early. And then I was gonna go in early, and I was gonna stand, I was gonna be at the rail. But I didn’t want to go with my friends that I bought tickets with and ask them to show up and stand at the rail for three hours. That’s what it would take? I mean, doors open at 7:00, they went on at 9:30. You mean the front of the thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the front of the stage. What a nightmare. You have a Stadium Pal so you can pee in your leg? So I didn’t end up doing that, and I only went the second night. And because of the experience I had, I wish that I would’ve gone the first night because I didn’t get to watch. I was distracted from the show, kind of. I didn’t have any connections, okay? So I just showed up to watch the show. And we were in the middle of the crowd. It’s like, there’s no seats, it’s all standing, unless you’re in the balcony. So I was down there, and we were like right in the middle, having a great time. Except, when Freddie finally came out, there were these two guys, and they started yelling, “Sell us some crack, Freddie! Sell us some crack!” I was like, what? He has a reputation for being a crack dealer? Yes. Okay. In a past life? That’s part of it. In a past life, yeah. I don’t think he’s in the game anymore. He’s one of the best rappers on the planet. He need not sell crack. Right. But he could do it for fun. But he did say, “God made me sell crack, so I’d have something to rap about.” That’s a famous line of his. Wow. Well, you know what, depending on your view of the sovereignty of God, that’s true. Exactly. See, you might get into this, too. You might get into some Freddie. See? There’s an existentially to it. Is God allowing something? God making something happen? There you go. What’s the difference if he’s in charge of everything? See? Is God the author of sin? If I meet Freddie again, I’ll ask him. I’ll say, “My friend’s got a question for you.” So I didn’t realize it, but when I engaged with the “Sell us crack, Freddie” guys, there was a larger contingent of people with them. And I don’t, I was just being friendly. I smiled, I said something. I was like… I don’t remember what I said. It seems like a key point to the story. But I didn’t, it was affable. I wasn’t reprimanding the guy. I was like, and I didn’t say anything about crack. I was just like, we’re here together. This is after they said, “Sell us some crack”? But maybe I gave him a look, like, “What the hell, dude?” Maybe I did give him a look. And then there was a woman there who then pushed me. And I said, “I’m sorry, excuse me.” And I just thought I was in her space or something. But I wasn’t touching her before she pushed me. What was the push like? It was with the elbow, and she was looking forward, and it was just like, “Get away.” But come to find out, I think she was with that whole group, because then my friend, I turned around, and he was, my friend was talking to the guy, and then I’m back into the show. And then I turned around, my friend’s still talking to the guy. And then I’m like, I turned around a third time, and it wasn’t like three, a triple-take. This was like over the course of like maybe two songs. And I’m like, “That dude’s still talking to my guy. I gotta get my guy back.” And I was like, “Hey, man, let’s enjoy the show.” And then I took my friend, and I was like, “What’s going on? Why do you keep talking to him?” He’s just like, “I’m…” He basically said, “I’m diffusing this situation between you and these people.” And I’m like, “What?” Yeah. He was like, “Everything’s okay.” And I was like, “All right.” And then a few minutes later, he was like, “Let’s go get a drink, and let’s,” my friend was. So the three of us, we started walking out of the crowd. And I knew enough of the people. I talked to other people around me, too. I had made friends with people. You know, I’d made connections. We were having a good time, except for that group. And so then, when we leave kind of hastily, he’s like, “Yeah, let’s just, you know what, maybe we’ll find another place.” So I think it was- Standing room only? Yeah, you can just move somewhere else. And as we were walking out, somebody comes up to me, and they’re like, “We’ve been looking for you.” And I’m like, “What?” I was like, “Well, you found me.” He was like… It turns out he was a photographer for the tour, and he said, “I want you to come back to meet so-and-so.” And I didn’t hear who he said, and I was like… And he like showed me something on his phone, and I didn’t see it, didn’t see what he was saying, but all I knew was I was like, “Yes, going backstage, I’m gonna meet somebody.” And he’s like, “Hold on, I’ll come back for you.” So then we hung out in the back through another song. Are you gonna go back to the first situation? Yeah. With the guys? No. So you don’t know what happened there? Yeah. It was, you know. It might be good for you to figure out what happened. Yeah, I gotta talk to my buddy. Yeah, ask him. I gotta follow up with him. What did I say to this guy, ’cause how was I misinterpreted? Right, yeah, I think that there’s… Yeah, I mean, I think for your own benefit, that would be good to know. Okay, yes, I will let you know. Yeah. Well, don’t get mad at me. I’m just not saying I don’t, it wasn’t my fault. These guys were shady, contingent, and they don’t like it when somebody looks at you wrong. I bet you that’s what happened. Okay. And I would’ve gotten the story, but the adventure just continued. He was like, “Wait here, I’m gonna take you backstage.” And then he comes back, and he’s like, “Yeah, let’s…” So we start walking to the side stage. The concert’s still going on. I’m watching the concert while I’m getting, like, pulled to the side. And then he’s like, “Yeah, just come back. It’ll only be a minute.” I was like, “Well, I’m not going back without my guys.” And he puts the thing on my wrist, and I’m like, “Well, I’m not going back without my guys.” And he was like, “Well, I don’t…” I was like, “Okay, hold on.” I’m like, “Well, listen, just come and get me when the show’s over, ’cause I’m missing the show. And I didn’t come last night, like I wanted to.” But I would’ve gone alone, and then who the hell knows what would’ve happened? True. So that’s a good lesson to learn. And so I watch the whole show, and then he comes back and can take me and my buddies back, and we go to the back stage. And the first guy I meet was, I think Anderson .Paak because he brought out Anderson .Paak for the last song, which is, it should be Grammy-nominated. It’s called “Ensalada.” I played it for you. Salad. Ensalada is a salad. It also sounds like “It’s a lotta,” which is a lot of something. Okay, alright. And so, very good song, surprise for him to come out at the end. He was dressed like Chucky from “Child’s Play” for Halloween. So he’s walking out, and then I talked to him. And I didn’t talk to him that long, but I didn’t say anything to offend him. He was happy. Good. He gave me a hug. Did you talk to him about how he was almost on the show? No, I’d forgotten that. He probably wouldn’t have known. I just told him that I was a fan and how popular I was, and he needed to be my friend. No, I didn’t say that, but that’s kind of the subtext, you know? It’s like, “Maybe you know me. Okay, you don’t. I’m a fan. Somebody’s taking pictures of us right now, so maybe this is the start of a friendship.” How did that go? How receptive was he to that? I didn’t say any of this, Rhett. What, do you think I’m crazy? I’m not gonna say any of this out loud. Well, I’ve been there sometimes. I mean, you’ve said said a version of that. Yeah, I mean, if you look at the video of me meeting the Alchemist, that’s kind of, the evidence is there that I did say something. You do lead with, you know… ‘Cause people, they- I have one of the… I have the most, maybe the most- I don’t say that. or I have one of the most- I don’t say… I say, “I have a YouTube show that’s popular.” I might say that. Yeah, okay, popular YouTube show. I’m still workshopping it. But the point is, listen, let’s be real, you’re backstage, and you’re meeting somebody who’s famous. What’s the first thing they’re doing? They’re not thinking about, if they’re thinking about me, the only thing they’re thinking is, “Who the hell are you?” Right, but do they say- If they don’t already know. “Hey, I’m a popular musician.” Do they? Well, because I’m going up to them. I’m going up to them. Okay. Okay. You know? And, I mean, someone is taking our photos. Right. I’m just saying, someone’s taking photos as it’s happening. I actually didn’t know that was happening until afterward. The photographer sends me all the photos. That’s what I put on Instagram. And if you’ll notice, all of the photos are candids. Okay. ‘Cause I didn’t know he was taking the pictures at the time. Everything he captured was a real interaction. Oh, even the laughing? Even Lando. Even the laughing. Oh. See? Okay, ’cause a lot of times the laughing won’t be candid. Right. I’ve been known, if I know somebody, and I see that they’re taking a picture at a party, you know, we’ll pull that trick. It’s like, “Let’s do the Jay-Z thing where you do the fake laugh, and people are gonna think we’re having the best time ever.” We did that with Matty Matheson. And it works great. And it’s a Jay-Z thing to do. So it can’t be wrong. He also sold crack in a previous life. Jay-Z? Yes, absolutely. Okay. Alright. I don’t wanna know the lore. So anyway, it happens to the best of us. You know, we sell crack, and then we get successful in another way, and we leave that life behind. Yeah. But we do what we can for those that are still in the game. Everybody has their own background. You know, it depends on where you’re from. We go on South Campus Crusades, some people sell crack, and then you kind of all just end up at the same backstage party. Yeah. You know, it’s like, I worked a summer in a tobacco field, and now I do what I can for the smokers. Yeah. No, I don’t, but… We had an anti-vaping message. What is my point? We had the Surgeon General on GMM to have an anti-vaping message. Did you tell him about that? That’s what I was telling everybody that night. You could lead with that. You could be like, “Hey, I’ve met the Surgeon General. He was on my show. It was an anti-vaping movement.” That probably won’t go over too well. Yeah. Vaping is not big in the hip-hop community. Okay. It’s not real enough. I don’t think it’s, it’s just not, you don’t really see vapes. Okay, so it’s just a straight smoke situation. I think it is, yeah. You wanna taste the poison. I’ve seen a lot of that, smelled a lot of that. Okay. Then I met Earl Sweatshirt , Earl Sweatshirt, who , I mean- His real given name? That’s his given name. He’s a talented dude. You don’t even know what you’re missing out on until you get some Earl Sweatshirt in your life. Alright. And when you get some Earl in your life, you’re gonna be like, “What? What am I missing?” And it’s like, yes, you were the problem. Just remember, when you give, when you let Earl Sweatshirt into your life, no matter what you think at first, you were the problem. So you need to adjust. Okay. And got some pictures taken there. I didn’t love those pictures because there was a guy standing, not in between us, but behind us, in between us, and he didn’t look interested. AI his ass out. I know, I need to AI his ass out or something. But all the other photos were great. And Freddie comes out, and I talked to him for a while. Big hands on that guy. Crack-selling hands. Yeah, he could hold a… He could stir, he could put the fork in the pot or whatever they do. He can grab the fork in the pot and do the stir or whatever- Well, that’s making it. really, really well. Making it and selling her two different things. Yeah, I think you wanna be making it. Yeah. Really? Yes, you want to have the fork in the pot. You don’t want to have, you don’t wanna be on the street. Okay. See? See how much I can teach you? I don’t think that’s right, though. It’s right. You want to be making it. You don’t wanna be the one selling it. Is that from a lyric? You want your person, you want your people selling it. You don’t wanna be on the front lines. You wanna be insulated. I mean, you wanna be counting the money. You want your thumbs bloody from counting the money. Yeah, I mean, that’s kind of what I meant with crack-selling hands is like big hands to hold- You wanna use one of those- lots of cash, but not the literal person Oh, hold cash. making the drugs. You got somebody working for you making the drugs. Oh, even that? Yeah. Like a bunch of naked women in a room? That’s Escobar, yeah. Or something. I know less about that. I didn’t talk to him about any of this. Good. I just, I think I said something alluding to, I was the first person he talked to when he came out. Not because I was trying to ambush him, but I was just there. It’s like, this is how I stand next to the kitchen at a party so all the hor d’oeuvres come straight to me. Yes, I learned this from you. I’m gonna be right next to this door. He comes out the door, boom, I’m there. I talk to him. But then I’m like, “I’ll let you make your rounds. We’ll catch up later.” I was kind of insinuating, “I’m open to hanging later if you want to be friends,” but I didn’t use those words. See? I’m getting better at this. Okay. We didn’t hang out later. But how did the conversation go? Well, you can look at the pictures and you can see the progression. In the first picture, I’m looking at him and he’s looking at the camera, as if to ask, “Who the hell is this?” Second picture, he’s staring at me, I’m staring at him. We’re trying to size each other up. I think the third picture, he’s like, “Oh, oh, most popular show. Most popular show on YouTube.” I don’t know what, I think that’s what he was attracted to. And then there was another one after that, that was like, “Huh, hmm, yeah.” It was something a little bit different. And then there was the face-off photo, where I think I was about to grab his face and he was about to grab my ass. I can’t tell what was happening. What was happening? Could’ve just been a hug. I did see that one. I think it was just- Your faces are very close. I think we were going in for a hug. But then you decided to talk. But I was also talking while going. I was whispering in his ear while I was hugging him. Saying what? “I’ll be around later if you wanna hang out and be friends.” I don’t know. I don’t remember what I said. Okay. It was high pressure, dude. You know when you go into a high-pressure situation, and then when it’s over, everybody’s like, “You did great.” I’m like, “I don’t remember any of it.” Hmm. Okay. That’s how it felt. And then? I talked to, I saw the Alchemist standing over on the side, and I had a decision to make at this point. I’m like, “Am I gonna bring up our previous interaction from what was no more than three weeks earlier?” You know, that, according to your assessment, was not a stellar performance on my part. Right. So I decided, when I went up to him, I wasn’t gonna lead with that. I was like, clean slate. Let’s just, I’m just gonna start over. And so I just talked to him. I said it was a great show. “Happy belated birthday.” They said that from stage. I wasn’t stalking him, but I did know it was his birthday already. But I had cover of that being said from stage. You know, he’s from here. I’m like talking about like, “Great hometown show.” And then he’s like, “I remember you.” And I’m like, “That wasn’t me.” “This is me. This is me.” Mm-hm. Okay. How did that go over? And then I laughed, “Ha, ha, ha!” And he laughed, “Ha, ha, ha!” And they were taking the pictures, and I have this memory of us having the best exchange ever. And I think more to come, you know? Did you really say, “That wasn’t me as a joke” as a joke? No, I didn’t. That would’ve been a good joke. It would’ve been a good joke. I don’t know what joke I told him that made him laugh, but I think it was… I think I was talking about how, not you, but how Christy makes fun of me for being such a fan. I know I talked to him about that. But I didn’t have any records for him to sign, including the VIP record that I went early to get. I paid extra money to get a signed copy exclusive to the show. And when those, when we moved out of the crowd where the shady folks were, I had propped up my bag with my record on the column on the shelf next to my Topo Chico and my beer. And when I left, I had the Topo Chico, but I didn’t have my record. I lost my record. A few questions, okay? You are going to a concert, and you’re setting your drink down somewhere? Like, do you understand how the world works? You think someone’s gonna roofie me? Yes. Yes. Mm-hm. Yes. And then what, sex me? Do whatever. Whatever they like. Take me backstage? The world is their oyster at that point. Hold on, any- I got my two friends with me. Hold on, there are people who, as a policy, are looking for a drink like that. They don’t even care. Not to target you. Just to fuck with people? Yes. Mm-hm. Or to rob you. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, they already did rob you ’cause you left your- Yeah, somebody, ’cause I went back for it, and it was gone. They roofied the drink, both of them, by the way, and then they went- No, the lid was on the Topo Chico. Okay, the beer. And then they wait and see who drinks it, and they’re like, “Okay, well, I’m gonna go up to this guy.” That’s what people, yes. Like, I’m not saying it’s a guarantee that it’s gonna happen, but you just, as a general rule, you don’t leave a drink out at a concert. Listen, I don’t wanna get you- Or a party. I don’t wanna get you upset here. That doesn’t have all your friends there. I was standing next to a column, and there was a little shelf, and I put the record, the tote bag with a record in it there. And then I put my beer here, and I could reach out and keep grabbing the beer and the Topo Chico. Okay. Alright, point taken. And doesn’t the record… You have a bag for that stuff. I didn’t bring my own bag. I’m glad ’cause I would’ve left that too, I guess. No, you probably would’ve kept it on. But it was a, yeah, I should have. I didn’t know if they would let me bring a big-ass record bag into the venue, but I think they would have. Next time, that’s what I’m gonna do. And if I would’ve had that record, I could have got- How much did that record cost? Or was it just an extra ticket, part of the ticket? I think I paid $170 for the, it was an exclusive record signed by Freddie Gibbs, and which would then sell for about that much. I’m not gonna resell it, but if you worked- Yeah, you’re definitely not gonna resell it now. Whoever stole it from me is gonna resell it for, you know, it could be $150. And then there was a notepad that had, a spiral bound notebook that had handwritten lyrics in it, but they were, the notepad was full of all the lyrics from the show. So I’m like, this is printed, but it’s, he hand-wrote the lyrics and they printed it in a spiral bound notebook, which is really cool. That got stolen, too? Yeah. Wow. I was really… I woke up- When did you realize this happened? After I met Freddie, and then I was hanging out backstage. I remember, and I was like… And I went out there to get it, and they were cleaning up, and… Your friends might need… I feel like I might need to give your friends a little, like a pointer session- They are worthless, dude. to know what it’s like to hang out with you. I mean, I know that they’ve been friends with you for a while, but like- He would’ve, yeah, I mean- As soon as you set your record down, I’ll be like, “Don’t do that, you’re gonna forget it.” I mean, you know that’s what I would’ve told you. I know, that’s why I don’t take you to these things because I’m too much of a burden on you. They’re a good example to you. They’re just like, “Hey, dude, that’s your problem.” Yeah. But he did help talk. He made sure I didn’t get my nose broken. So when it mattered, he stepped up. Okay. One of my friends, my other friend. The bigger one. They were kind of upset about the record because when we were at the previous event, I was with them, too, when I met the Alchemist for the “Good Mythical More” thing. And I bought records from him, and then I had to carry them around the rest of the day until he did his show. So there were many times when I would ask them to hold the records for me, and they got… Their patience wore thin with holding my records for me. Well, yeah. Yeah. So I don’t think they were in the mood to make sure I didn’t lose this record. But Freddie and I are gonna be friends. Okay. Al and I are gonna be friends. I’ll just ask them to give me a record once we’re like buddies. I’ll tell them this story. Yeah, you might have to tell ’em. ’cause I don’t know if they’re gonna listen to this. They’re not. ‘Cause this podcast sucked. It sucked. I mean, we didn’t even get to a question. You know what? If you want our- Yeah, it’s not over. We made a Clue game with Hasbro. This is an official Clue game that is Mythical themed, and it’s really cool. It’s one of the coolest things that we’ve ever made. And the only way you can get it… No, you can’t buy it. You have to be a 3rd Degree Quarterly or Annual member of the Mythical Society to get it. Now, speaking of that, while we’re talking about things, that is another thing that you may have started to notice in terms of, you know, earlier you were talking about conversations where anything can happen. Yeah. You may have noticed over on the Mythical Society that there is more and more of that kind of thing. As a perfect example of this, right after “Good Mythical Evening,” I was very hungry and suggested to Link that we stop by McDonald’s for a late night snack. And then we did so. And then- I was game for that. And Link was still pretty tipsy at that point. And we set up a phone, just on the dash, and we just filmed like a 20-minute conversation where Link is still very drunk, and he’s still wanting to talk about how things went. And it was just a completely impromptu conversation. More that stuff is happening on the Society, and more of it is coming. And so, again, I know that that’s something you have to pay for, but I believe that that conversation was 1st Degree, right? That was, you know. I think so. I’m not 100% sure. I think so, yeah. I don’t know exactly what everybody gets at different tiers, but just letting you know that, while that’s not necessary, but if you are a Society member, or if you’ve got, you know, a little dishposhable cash to be able to be a part- “Dishposhable.” of that, there is going to be more of that over there. Again, we’re trying to continue to have these types of conversations in other places because we know we are taking this away. But that’s just another place where it can show up: mythicalsociety.com. Yep. I don’t think I was roofied. I had a conversation with two friends recently who believe they were both roofied at the same time. It still happens. In like a bar situation? Mm-hm. And then in order to steal from ’em? They don’t know if they were accidental targets or whatever ’cause there was a bunch of people there, and there was like a, something else going on. And you start to, what, black out? Like, you don’t? You just basically fall asleep. Okay. Right. Yeah, keep your drinks close. That’s good. That’s a good lesson. Yeah, don’t put your drink- Keep your records close, too. Don’t put your drink- Damn it. on a stand or a shelf at a concert. Just keep it in your hand. Just keep it in your hand. Keep it in my hand, yeah. Until you’re done with it, then set it down. Word to the wise. Word to your mother. Hi, Rhett and Link and Jenna and Jamie. This is Stella from Orlando, Florida, and I just got finished listening to your guys’s announcement that “Ear Biscuits” is going away indefinitely, and I just wanted to leave you guys with my first thought, which was the amazing quote by Winnie-the-Pooh himself, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” And I just wanna thank you guys. I listen to you guys while I work, I drive for work, and you guys have been the best part of my Mondays. And yeah, love you guys, and like totally support whatever you guys need to do, and can’t wait to hear more stories on GMM More. Love you guys. Bye. Join the Mythical Society 3rd Degree Quarterly or Annual now to get the “Mythical Clue Game.”