Which vegan brat’s the best? – And which one’s the worst? – Let’s talk about that. (funky electronic music) (fire crackles) – Good Mythical Morning. – Today we are joined by actor, writer, and now author of the new book Ronan Boyle and the Bridge of Riddles, it’s Thomas Lennon! (crew applauds) – Yo, whoa! Tom! (chuckles) – I did a spit take like I didn’t know I was gonna be on your show. Of course I knew– – You’re here, man. – I was gonna be here, I’m here. – You’re here. – It’s good to see you. – Goodness, last time we– – Rhett and the other one. – Saw you we were clothed and in your hot tub. – That’s right. – Rhett and the other one. – Flashback? – If you guys want. – All right. – Oh yes! – Okay. – Great flashback guys. It’s fun to be in a flashback with you guys. – It was so fabulous and hot. – We know that you’re currently living the vegetarian lifestyle. – I’m an erstwhile vegetarian. I do long chunks as a vegetarian, then sometimes I don’t. – But you’re currently in a stretch right now. – I’m in a stretch right now, yeah. – That’s good ’cause that makes you the perfect candidate for our goal today, to find the best vegan sausage substitute the world and science has to offer. It’s time for ♪ Fake meat of mine ♪ ♪ Buh buh buh ♪ ♪ Vegan sausage is it good ♪ ♪ So good, so good ♪ – I wasn’t expecting a theme song, guys. – Yeah. – That was amazing. – Only for you, Tom. – Could I tell people you were practicing that before– – No I wasn’t. – No we weren’t. – I don’t know why and then spoiler. You could tell that you practiced it ’cause it looked amazing. – So it could be so good. – All right, we’re gonna try the leading vegan sausage brands and we’re gonna rank them on a scale of one to 10 but because you’re a vegetarian, which is, in our minds, almost vegan. – Oh yeah, okay. – Then you’re– – Not in most vegan’s minds but– – Yeah that’s true. – Right. – Your score is gonna count twice. – That makes sense. – Ours is each gonna count once. We’re gonna compile all those scores and come up with the best vegan sausage– – Great. – Ever. – People are gonna throw ’em at us. – That might be arranged. – They will come in an interesting way. The winner will be crowned Vegan Brian. Or it’s more of a name tag. Let’s get to it. – [Rhett and Link] Round one. – Now each sausage will be delivered to us via a vegal beagle, it’s a dog and a forced rhyme. Bring in the vegal beagle. (Tom mimics trumpeting) – Oh. – Oh. – I doubled up on your music cue, guys, sorry. – Did you– – No you were just– – I don’t know I just felt it. – Project your mouth trumpet into like– – I did. – More of a regal trumpet. – This is a power that I have. – All right this is the Lightlife Smart Sausage Italian, so everybody grabby grabby their sausage here. Soy-based, got some dried vegetables, potatoes, starch, ooh evaporated cane sugar. – I’m not kidding when I say it smells amazing. – And it has a very meat-like quality. – [Link] We’re gonna dink our sausages. – It does. – Dink ’em. – And then we’re gonna sink our sausages. – [Tom] Oh. – Okay once you get in there, very evident that this is– – Not meat. – Imposing. – Mm. – You know what I’m saying? – It’s confusing a little bit. – It’s a spongy fibrous– – Boy it’s real kinky on the inside. – Yeah. – It’s like– – It’s like eating the stuffing from a teddy bear. – I feel like this is what somebody on The Sopranos, what their car smells like. (Rhett laughs) I don’t know, I guess I mean that, I mean that in exactly what I thought. You get in the car– – That’s right. – Okay Paulie Walnuts. – It tastes much better than it feels. – Nah I was at the, it tastes better than it feels, you say? – Yeah. Doesn’t feel good to me. – The mouthfeel– – The mouthfeel is real bad. (Tom sputters) – I wasn’t gonna say real bad. – They’re not a sponsor. – They’re not? – Nope. – The mouthfeel’s real bad. (Rhett and Link laugh) It’s really– – I don’t mind the taste at all. – Taste is great. – I think I’m going with a five. – It’s a one. (Rhett laughs) – God. – I’m gonna give it a four. – Wow. – You don’t know where we’re going from here, I mean, you might be going negative. – So this was the great one. – I don’t know either. – Again, smells wonderful. Smells wonderful, don’t you think? – Yeah. – I love the outside of this casing. – And you’re still giving it a one. – We got five, four, and one, and that gives us a total of 11. – [Rhett and Link] Round two. – All right bring in the vegal beagle. (trumpeting music) Oh. – Oh. – It’s different music. – [Tom] I’m gonna try to get this one like this. – He’s here, he’s here. – Welcome. – A little long, a little long. Okay, this is– – The beagle, not only does he have a hat, he has poor vision apparently. – Rhett Yeah, right. That’s why he’s attached to a stick. – Okay. – He should be led around by. Okay this is Amy’s Meatless Veggie Sausage. It is quinoa and rice, well quinoa, red rice, tofu and potato. – Mm-hmm. – Then has a bunch of varied vegetables in there as well. – Okay we’re gonna dink, well if you bit it, don’t dink it. – My favorite thing about eating all these, ’cause I’m a bit of a germaphobe, is that there’s like eight hipster dudes who handle every one just out of my eye line. – That’s what we call– – And they’re just like rolling them around with their strange mustaches. There’s just so many weird people have touched this by the time it gets to us. – (chuckles) Welcome to my entire life, Tom. – I’m not sure how much of the taste is the thing and from the hipster guys who just handed it– – Hipster hands. – Hipster– – Hipster hands, mm. – Definitely your microbiome is going to be impacted by whatever is on their fingers. – I’ll tell ya on the nose, I love it. – And then you bite it and it’s crunchy. – I love it. – Much better texture. – I love it. – Incidentally, here’s a picture of Amy. Actually this is their president of global, Xavier Unkovic. He loves sausage and karate. – Mm, yeah he does. – We’ve done our research, Tom. – Guys, it’s exactly the right size, which also makes me realize something I didn’t really notice about number one, it was too big. – They were too big. – It was too large. – It’s too big. – You don’t want a sausage– – This is like, you could sit at the movie and have a bucket of these. (Rhett laughs) – I’ll take the– – They’re great. – I’ll take the vegan bucket of hipster handed sausages please. – Again, some of this is just the mustache wax that’s on it but it’s unbelievably good. If this is, we’re gonna go– – Go for it. – Go to the board? – I like it. – I’ve eaten the whole thing. – I legit love it and I’m gonna go… It’s a nine. – Whoa! – Going from one to a nine. – It’s a nine out of 10. Yeah. – I really like it. – I’m giving it a seven. – I was gonna say seven, okay. Better texture, but I mean I’m not crazy about it. I don’t wanna eat it at the movies, that’s all I’m saying. – [Link] So that brings us to a total of 32. – [Rhett and Link] Round three. – Bring in that vegal beagle. (trumpeting music) Okay. Yeah. You don’t have to play the whole, I mean, we get it. – All right this is the Tofurky Artisan Sausage Kielbasa. – Are you sure it’s not just three cigars? – It really feels like three cigars. (Rhett and Link laugh) – Oh man. – I’ll take the dented one ’cause it’s your show. This one first of all, so hot, you guys. – It’s so hot. – Wow. – Oh my God. Hey, hipster weirdos? (Rhett and Link chuckling) That’s like the surface of the sun. That was heated up, you ever get like a breakfast item at Starbucks? – Yes. – Oh yes, and you have to wait so long. – And then those egg things, that’s what I’m talking about. – Comes out it’s like, this is really hot. Does it help to dip it in water? – It could, yeah. – Okay ouch. – Okay sorry. – I think we’re gonna get hurt if we eat this, guys. It’s too hot. – Tofu, roasted poblano peppers, wheat berries. – [Rhett] Oh, oh. – Smell almost nothing on the nose. – [Link] Oh my gosh, it’s orange. – We’re back to where the first one was in terms of texture. – Mm-hmm, it’s way too thick. It’s way too thick and it’s– – It’s like biting a pillow. – I feel like I would like packing peanuts more. – We’ve had those, they’re good. – Just regular packing peanuts. – Mm-hmm. – It tastes like you left a regular sausage in the attic and then moved out and then someone else moved in. – Yes. – And then, you move back in after they moved out and the sausage was still there and then you ate it. – Did you guys see the King Tut exhibit when it was at the museum? – No I thought about it. – If you took a bite out of the actual– – Yeah. – King Tut, today. – Right. – Are you talking mummified Egyptian piece? – Any part, it doesn’t even– – I should have put cat in there. That would have made it more palatable. – I truly hate it. – It’s awful. – It’s horrible. – It’s really, really terrible. – The fact that it made it through some kind of research and development process and then– – That seems impossible. – And then it’s on a shelf somewhere. – Is it? This is a real item? By the way I actually love their slices. I don’t work for the Tofurky people but I did have Tofurky, their slices are amazing. – On your way in? – Yeah at home. – Oh. – I keep ’em at home, I just roll ’em up with yellow mustard. It’s amazing. – Okay. – We believe in you Tofurky, but not for this. Zero. – We can go zero? I’m gonna go zero on this. – I’m gonna go one just so– – Why? – Because that leaves the possibility of going completely zero on another one. – And if I’m not mistaken, that brings us to a grand total of– – One. – Wow. – [Rhett and Link] Round four. – Cue that beagle. (trumpeting music) Okay, all right, can we get, thank you. – Mm-hmm, all right what is this one? This one is Beyond Meat. – Oh. – Yeah. – Uh-oh. – Okay so we’ve– – You’ve heard about the– – The 66 car from North Carolina. – We’ve got great experience with the Beyond Meat company. – These people know what they’re doing. – This has got water, pea protein, refined, you know what, I’m not gonna read all of the ingredients ’cause that doesn’t make it sound good. Let’s just imagine– – Do it. – That it’s just sausage. – Well they call it Beyond Sausage, the original brat flavor. Dink it and sink it. – Okay smells like a brat. – [Link] You’re right. – [Tom] Oh. – They’ve done something with the texture to create a bounciness. – It feels bratty. – That you do not get in the other ones. – It apparently sizzles identically to a traditional meat sausage according to my notes. – Although my question would be can you cook it like a brat, can you cook it in beer? Which would only make it better. – Can you cook it in beer? – I like it a lot. We’ll take your calls. (Rhett chuckles) – We’re taking another bite. – I wanna keep eating it. I wanna keep eating it. – I actually really like it. – Mm-hmm. – I really like it. – It tastes of Boulder, Colorado in a cylindrical casing. – That’s a good sausage. – Yeah and this is by the way, imagine if you put a little interesting mustard on that. – Interesting mustard. – Yeah. – Not regular mustard. – And they’ve, you make a good point that a brat is not fully a brat until it’s mustardfied, so we’re really being hard on these brats. – Listen, this is pure. – We’re isolating the flavor. – This is gonna be very, very tough to beat. – Yeah. – Very tough. – You’ve already given that a nine. – We might have to bust the top of your scale. – We’ll go 10. – Oh. – I’m gonna go 10 on the Beyond Meat– – He’s respecting the scale. – I won’t break the scale but I believe it’s really, really solid. – I’m going nine. – Yeah, maybe there’s something out there, I’m also going nine. Bringing us to a 38. – [Rhett and Link] Round five. – Okay I’m gonna ask you to bring the dog in but I would just prefer if you didn’t even start the music. Bring the dog out. (trumpeting music) ♪ Brickety doo ♪ – Come on! ♪ Dee dee dee ♪ – You just couldn’t help yourself! Look, he’s eating one of the sausages. – [Tom] He is, I’m gonna fight him for it. Fight him for it, give me that, give me that. Who’s a good boy, who’s a good– (Link mimics dog grumbling) (Tom chuckles) Three adult men. (Link mimics dog grumbling) Oh you give me that. Who’s a good, who’s a good beagle? – Okay. – Oh. – Morningstar Farms Original Sausage Patties. – Now Morningstar, they’ve been in the vegetarian’s– – [Tom] They’ve been at it for a minute. – Meat game for a long time. – They’ve been inside vegetarian for– – 30 years. Or however long, so we got water, gluten, soy protein, egg white, spices. It’s pretty simple. – Smells good. – It smells nice and spicy. Can I say this and I mean this in the best possible way? It smells like when you’re a kid and you walk in a McDonald’s, that kinda smell that like, everything’s cooking at one time– – Oh it does have something like that. – And like a, yeah. – Nostalgia. – Lardy, (chuckles) childhood lard. – Lardy nostalgia. You are right. Dink it, sink it. Taste it. – Oh, oh that’s good. That’s really good. – That’s impressive. – That’s pretty good. – Oh man. – It’s interesting ’cause this is, the brat was trying to be a brat. – Yeah. – This is a– – It’s a breakfast sausage. – They’re winning with the spices. – Guys. – I got a good number for it. – I love this. – I like it. – I do not like it as much as the Beyond. – [Tom] I don’t either. – But I do like it. – I like it a lot. – I like it so much I’m going to the top of my scale. Tippety top all the way to 10. – I think it’s a solid eight. – I went nine before so– – Hey should we point out this one has egg whites so it’s not really vegan. – Oh. – Yeah. – That’s why I like it so much. – That’s why you like it so much. – So this is vegetarian but it’s not technically vegan. – Okay well I can only still give it the score I’m gonna give it based on taste. – Which is? – Eight. Bringing us to a grand total of 34. – And so with an overall score of 38, the vegan sausage champ and the title of Vegan Brian goes to Beyond Original Brat. – Woo! Hit the music, no, don’t. Oh yes, do, don’t, ah. (Tom mimics trumpet) Look at that. – Who’s good? Who’s good, who’s good? Who’s good? – Let’s put this right on there. – Right on. – Wrap it up. – Thank you Thomas Lennon for stopping by. Make sure you get his new book. It’s Ronan Boyle and the Bridge of Riddles on sale now. – Get ’em together, can you get all both together? – Yeah all in one shot. That’s an amazing– – Showbiz. This feels like show business, guys. – [Link] Right, we’re doing it. – Thanks for liking, commenting and subscribing. Now you say you know what time it is. – You know what time it is! – What’s up? My name’s Josh Hill and we’re in the mountains of South Africa and it’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality! – I love the energy. (laughs) Click the top link to watch us taste top vegan mayo in Good Mythical More. – And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality’s gonna land. (Rhett grunts) – [Rhett] Our summer tour is officially on sale today. You can see us live in concert June 21st through the 30th and you can see all the tour dates at RhettAndLinkLive.com.