It was a dark and stormy night. – Or was it? – [Together] Let’s talk about that. (whimsical music) – Good Mythical Morning. – And please welcome our spook twins from Watcher. It’s Ryan and Shane. Welcome to the show. – Right. – The spooky twin’s in the black- – No one’s called us twins before. – I like that. – Well no- – We’re- – I’m your twin- – We’re your twin- – And you’re his twin. – Oh, I see. – We look just alike. – Actually I get that. – I do get that a lot on the street. – Okay, now you guys have a whole series about creepy pastas called “Are You Scared?” – That is correct. – Now for the uninitiated and my mother watching, what are creepy pastas? – Well, to your mother, creepy pastas are basically, they used to be called copy pasta ’cause basically people would take a scary story, copy and paste it and just share it via email? You know like when your parents- – Yes. – Would like forward and email that was like a fart joke. – Yes. – And they’d be like, “You should check this out.” – So it kind of caught up. – Yeah, sometimes they feel like it could happen to you out on the street, you know. Someone comes up to you, doesn’t look spooky. Other times they’re very larger than life and sort of fantastical. – But I will say that my favorite creepy pasta has always kind of played in the realm of this could be real. Like a lot of them will very on the nose start with this is definitely a true story. Or, oh, like this was found on somebody’s phone when they dead or something. – Oh, okay. I’m feeling that. – And I like that. I like that they kind of play in the, oh, this could be real, but then, then it goes into clearly supernatural. – But some of them are, it’s like how’d you write this? They’d be like, “I’m currently dying.” – That’s right, yeah. Bleeding out on the sidewalk. – See, what you’re bringing up is exactly what this game is gonna be. You have to make us believe that these are at least actually creepy pastas. – Yeah. – Got you. – It’s time for “We’re Grabbing the Watcher Boys For Some Real Creepy Pasta.” Will we last till the end or will we have to say “Basta?” Welcome to the creepy zone fellers. – All right, every round, one of you guys is gonna be telling us a story that is real internet lore, or real creepy pasta and one of you is just gonna be telling us a story that’s just been made up for this game. – You can see that there’s two cloches in front of us. The one that corresponds to the actual creepy pasta is covering a delicious pasta and the made-up story corresponds to one covering a nasty pasta. Y’all ready for this? – We’re ready for this. – I am ready. – I’m ready, I’m a little nervous now but I think I’m good. (whimsical music) – [Stevie] Okay, guys, so why don’t we kick things off with Ryan’s story first. – Sounds good, sounds good. You guys ready for this? – Don’t scare me too much. I’m easily scared. – In the early 2000s, a 13-year-old boy named Jeff and his brother, Lou, moved to a new neighborhood. (Rhett and Link gasp) – Brothers? – On the first day of school, three bullies threatened them both with knives, but Jeff was able to brutally beat them up. – Come on. – Unfortunately, his brother Lou took the blame for it and was arrested. But Jeff’s nightmare was far from over. At a party, the three bullies attacked Jeff again. Jeff killed one of them in self-defense. – What? – But not before getting covered in bleach and lit on fire. – Ooh. – It gets crazier. Jeff woke up in the hospital covered in bandages and once they were removed, he found his face had become disfigured and ghastly pale from the burns. – Oh. – Of course. – His lips were bright red. Later that night, Jeff’s mother caught him carving his face into a permanent smile. – What? – And burning off his eyelids so he could always see his face. Terrified she told her husband that their son had gone mad and needed to be killed. – What? (Rhett laughs) That’s a little- – That’s the responsible, that’s how you handle it. – That’s called abandoning ship very easily. – Good gosh. – But Jeff got to them first and stabbed them both to death. – Well, they had it coming. – His brother, who had recently been released from jail woke up to his brother hovering above him with a knife, telling him, “Go to sleep,” before plunging it into his body. Jeff then went on a killing spree, murdering anyone who refused to sleep at night, eventually becoming known as Jeff, the Killer. – Jeff, the Killer. – Yeah, yeah. – He kind of- – Keep it general. – I’m kind of known as Jeff the Killer. – I mean, he’s a killer who’s using a knife pretty on the nose there, not really a lot of creativity. – What’s the bleach all about? I guess you could just get a general chemical burn from bleach or do they, is it flammable? – It’s for stains. – Yeah. – That’s why you keep bleach on hand. – Yeah, but like out in a bully zone where there’s bullies. – Well, that’s a good point, it’s called- – That’s a good point. – Bully stain. – Bully bleach. (Link laughs) – Well, that was very compelling. – Thank you. – Almost as compelling as mine. (crew laughs) Christine was raised in a highly traditional family. – Oh, good. – Where it was instilled in her that motherhood and the happiness of the family was a woman’s biggest priority in life. – Okay. – Despite wanting a marriage and children more than anything, Christine didn’t find a husband until she was the miserly old age of 31. – Ha! – And her family made her feel as through she were too late in life. – Sounds like a good family she’s being raised under here. – Well, at least they’re not trying to kill her. – That’s true compared to Jeff’s family. – You stole the- – Apparently it is “The Leave It To Beaver” family. – With such pressure to make up for lost time, Christine immediately got pregnant with her first child. – Ooh. – A baby girl. – Okay. – That’s scary. – Where is it turning, where is it turning. – And that’s when things took a dark turn. – There it is. – Oh, oh (laughs). – I read a lot of these. – Christine carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, always worrying she wasn’t living up to her obligation to keep her family perfectly happy. – Yeah. – Every day she’d ask her husband, “Honey, are you happy?” – See, people pleasing is a bad thing. – Yeah. – I’m just gonna put that out there, don’t do this. – Yeah. – People pleasing, plus the patriarchy. – Oh. – Exactly. – That’s just a bunch of poot. – But I’m reading this story well, right? – No, you’re doing a great job. – Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. – Good job. – You’re doing a great job. – You’re doing a great job. – It’s just not scary yet. – [Ryan] Oh, thanks. – If that’s what you’re asking. – When her daughter began speaking, Christine would ask her the same thing. – Are you happy? – Are you happy? Baby, are you happy? – It’s the first thing I ask my wife every morning. – I’ve stopped asking. – Let’s go unpack that later. – Her insecurity morphed into a malicious sickness. – Yeah. – Christine no longer believed her family when they said they were happy. She began verbally berating them with deranged accusations for months on end. Finally, her husband told her he was leaving her and taking their daughter with him. – Guess he wasn’t happy. – That seems to be the takeaway here. Christine begged him to stay, but he stood firm and said they’d be gone in the morning. But the next morning, they didn’t leave. (Rhett laughs) Because Christine, her husband and her daughter were all found dead. – Wait, all of them? – With smiles permanently carved into their faces and the knife still in Christine’s hand. – So your guy- – There’s smile carving in both? – That’s right. – I guess so. – Oh, we’ve thrown you for a loop now, haven’t we? – Oh, gosh. – And if you don’t forward this to 25 people, what’s gonna happen? – Your mother will be very unhappy. – Oh, that’s true. Everyone will also be very unhappy. – [Stevie] Okay, Rhett and Link. This nice looking tombstone with the skeletons, it’s not just decor, it’s actually your power of choice. You’re each gonna pluck a skeletal arm out of that. Whoever plucks the longest arm, that person gets to guess which creepy pasta story is real internet lore and, therefore, which associated pasta they’d like to uncloche and eat, go ahead. – [Ryan] Before you do that, though, can we admire the craftsmanship. – I don’t think they wanna draw attention to it, but I gotta say it’s beautiful. – [Ryan] Incredible. – You can’t- – Okay. – You just touched two of them, which means I get to pull one. – And I’ll- (both laugh) – [Ryan] Man, that’s unfortunate. – Okay, I get the power of choice. This is also a foot. (Ryan laughs) I think that the real creepy pasta is Shane’s story. – That’s fine with me because I was gonna say Ryan’s anyway. – [Ryan] That’s right. – And we don’t need to switch these? – [Shane] They’re both going with their multiversal selves. – Let’s go uncloche. And, dig in. Yours looks scary. – [Rhett] Mine’s definitely darker. – Mine is not like, now take a big bite, don’t be afraid. – All right, here we go, take a bite. – Gosh, that’s a lot. – Oh, yeah, okay. – Mm, that’s good. – That’s not marinara. What is this, Stevie? – Yes, Rhett, you are eating pasta a la blood sauce. – Sorry, I was reveling in it. – [Stevie] Ryan told the real creepy pasta written by Sesseur and here’s the infamous Jeff the Killer that’s been haunting the internet since 2008. – [Ryan] Yep, that’s a famous image. – Oh. – That’s what he looks like? – Yeah. – That’s Jeff? – I’m sure you’ve seen that image before. – Where’s his nose. – It got bleached off, man. – His eyelids- – Who knows? – [Link] His eyelids are gone. – That was- – You get that? – You get that? Did the camera get that? – Who knows? Who knows, you know? (whimsical music) – [Stevie] Okay, Ryan, you’re up again. – In the late 1700s, there was a horrific case of demonic possession in a small town in the heart of Spain. Nine-year-old Camilla Navarro was having violet outbursts and speaking in languages she had never learned. – Mm. – An exorcist. – You got something to say about that? – That was just classic. – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – Kind of sounded like you had like a tasty chip, too. You just mm. – [Shane] He liked it. – I love a good exorcism. (Rhett laughs) – An exorcist worked with Camilla for hours, but throughout the entire ritual, she only stared at the priest. – Oh. – Never breaking eye contract. Hours into the night, Camilla leaned forward and whispered something in the priest’s ears. – I wonder what she said? – The next morning he was found dead with two metal crosses plunged into his brain- – What? – Above his ears. Oh, the old ear cross. – That’s right. – Wow. – Yeah. – The full team of exorcists then went to see Camilla to rid her of the demon for good. After only minutes, they fled and were all found dead with cross gouged into their eyes. – Oh. – One-trick pony here. – Yeah, she’s into the head penetration. – She went for the eyes. – That’s a lot crosses. – Days later, the youngest and last of the exorcists tried his luck. The moment Camilla made eye contact- – Was he a boy? – I was gonna say, is this a meet cute? – I, I don’t think- – Oh, God. – Look, we could keep our fingers crossed, but I don’t think this is going towards that, the train’s not going towards that station, boys. – Oh. – Okay. – The moment Camilla made eye contact, he left the house as terrified as the rest. The young priest gathered the townspeople in the town square and made several shocking revelations. He said the first priest found dead once refused to help a woman looking for refuge from her murderous husband and the devil whispered in his ear that he knew. The second set of priests found dead has falsely accused woman of witchcraft. – Mm. – Leading to the women’s execution. – Ah. – Finally, he admitted that he knew of all of these crimes, but never spoke out against them. Then- (Shane laughs) – This is so involved, it’s like an Agatha Christie story. (all laugh) I’m like what’s gonna happen. – I’m like Benoit Blanc over here, like a twisted web. – The priests have been exposed. – Then, to the townspeople’s terror, the young priest took out a knife and cut out his own tongue. – Because he said, I see, sure. (crew laughs) – Yeah, yeah. – Because he knew about all the things that had happened so he himself- – And he didn’t. – Yeah. – He didn’t say. – That’s right, so he oh, boyed himself. – What does this have to do with the, oh, anyway. Really good, really good. – It was great, it was great. – No, finish your thought. – It was very compelling. – Finish your thought. Do you have a criticism? – Were him and the exorcized or the demon lady, they were working together or- – Yeah, I guess so, I guess so. I also like the phrase exorcized ’cause it’s like multifunctional. – I think he saw the writing on the wall. – He saw, yeah. – You know. – Yeah. – My tongue’s gonna be gone, I might as well do it clean and like in an emergency room parking lot. – Okay, oh, I remember this one. (crew laughs) – Oh. – I remember my aunt sending this to me from her Hotmail account. – Oh, yeah, really laying it on thick. – [Link] Reverse. – In 1998- – What year, what year did she send it to you? – I just told you. – When? (all laughing) – Shortly after his home was foreclosed upon. – Oh, gosh. – A man named Mitch. – That’s with an M, right? – Yeah, Mitch. – (laughs) Okay. – A man named Mitch moved in with his younger brother, Edwin. – Mm. – What a pair. A week after moving into his brother’s house, Mitch woke up with a mysterious gash on his cheek. He went to the hospital to get it checked out and that’s when his doctor also made a shocking discovery. Mitch’s kidney was gone. – Not sure how you miss that, but yeah. – Hard to misplace. – They went through at the cheek to get to- – That’s what, I don’t know how those two things are related. I forgot how this story ends. – Was his stomach- – It’s been a long time since I read it. – His stomach was open because I’m not gonna wake up. – Gash on his cheek. – No, but the kidney thing. I’m not gonna know how- – You can get- – How would you know that. – To the kidney through the cheek, you just have to go through the throat, as well. – I’m not waking up every morning and going, yeah, I got them both. – Mitch woke up to see a man standing over his bed. He wore a blue surgical mask and had black liquid dripping from his eye sockets. – Ooh, the eye sockets. – He’s like that nun from “The Conjuring.” – [Rhett] Yeah. – Though he had no eyes. – [Ryan] Black liquid, no eyes. – No eyes. – Okay. – His name was Eyeless Jack. Hi, I’m Eyeless Jack, nice to meet you. – That’s how he introduced himself. – Sorry for barging in at such a late hour. – And dripping on you from my sockets. – Do you have a Kleenex? – It’s hard to call it out beforehand, before someone points it out, like as you could see, no eyes. – Startled, obviously, Mitch was able to capture a quick picture of Eyeless Jack before escaping his home and running into the woods, where he tripped and fell unconscious. – Okay. – It makes sense. When he awoke, Mitch finally found himself in the hospital. His parents were by his side and informed him that his brother Edwin had been found dead the night before. Mitch’s parents took him to Edwin’s house to gather his belongings where they found Edwin’s corpse with a small object lying next to it. – His kidney. – Whoop. – With a bite taken out of it. – I see. I thought it was gonna like- – And. – A Nintendo Switch or something. – Covered in a black substance. – Ah, eye juice. – Eyes. – All right. – Yes. – The eyeless dude. – And that’s the end of the story. – With a taste for kidneys. – So there’s a picture with that creepy pasta, I guess. – Oh, it’s burned in our, I can’t forget it. Yeah, it haunted me as a child. Eyeless Jack and his eyes. – Yeah, but is an eyeless picture nearly as scary as crosses sticking out of a dude’s head? – Ho! – All right. – You get the power of choice. I don’t envy you, man. – This is tough. – I, I don’t know. – I don’t, I don’t even remember yours now. (Shane laughs) – Is it that, the head penetration. – Oh, yeah, thanks. – It’s the head. – Oh, the head penetration. – Yeah, it’s called head penetration. – Yeah, that’s right. – Don’t Google that, you’ll get strange results. – Yeah, I’m gonna go, I’m gonna go with yours. – You think head penetration is- – [Link] I’m gonna sit tight. – The real creepy pasta? – Yes. – Okay. – Oh, we’ve got some of- – Looks like we got lasagna. – [Rhett] And yours has a little less color than mine. – Yeah, that’s interesting. – I’m going for it. – I’ll have one after you. – Oh, really? – ‘Cause it’s the real one. – [Link] Let me get all of it. – Got it? – Dink it? – And sink it. – Sink it. – That- – No. – That is not good, man. – This is like good lasagna here. Have a bite. – I think the noddle part is good. – It’s some nice caramelized. – What is the other part? – [Stevie] The other part is brain. – Ah! – Ooh! – [Stevie] So Shane told the real creepy pasta written by Azelf5000 and here is a picture of Eyeless Jack. – Oh, yeah. – Nice. – Not currently leaking. – That’s really good. – That’s scary, though, to be honest. The other guy was scarier. – Looks like somebody that didn’t make the cut for Blue Man Group. (Ryan laughs) (whimsical music) – [Stevie] All right, guys, this is the last round. Ryan and Shane, you’re tied, so it all comes down to this for the ultimate creepy pasta and, of course, Ryan, please go ahead and go first. – In North Haven, Michigan. (Link gasps) (all laugh) – A 17-year-old girl named Chloe caught her boyfriend Nate cheating on her and broke up with him. – Oh, wow. – Good for her. – Just stop right there. – Yeah. – Nate refused to accept the breakup and called Chloe upwards of 10 times a day. He began threatening Chloe and despite getting expelled for this behavior, he continued for weeks. – Mm. – Chloe’s parents decided to move to a new town and changed Chloe’s cell phone number. Months went by with no word from Nate. Chloe joined the soccer team at her new school. – Dope. – I’m glad she’s moving on. – Yeah, that’s nice. – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. – Is that the happy ending here? – Get rid of your loser boyfriend, join the soccer team, sounds like a great time. One evening around midnight, a spooky time. – Very scary time. – Chloe saw a voicemail on her phone from an unknown number. She listened. It was Nate. He whispered, “I’m dead and it’s all your fault.” – Oh. – It’s all your fault. – No. – It’s all your fault. – It’s all your fault. – No. – Though terrified, Chloe didn’t tell her parents because she didn’t want to move again. It’s tough to move. – It’s tough to move, there’s a lot involved. – She was coming into her own on the soccer team. – Yeah, she’s like God, this is pretty horrible. But I don’t wanna pack up my stuff again. – Sounds more like a defensive move. – The next night at exactly midnight, Chloe received another voicemail with the same message, though this time Nate spoke a little louder. On the third night’s voicemail, Nate screamed, “I’m dead and it’s all your fault. It’s all your fault, it’s all your fault.” Chloe told her parents, who called the police. After explaining the situation, Chloe’s parents were met with an odd silence on the other end of the line. – Oh, boy, where are we going here? – The police informed them that Nate- – That they were dead, too? – No. – It would be cool if all the- – Hey, who’s telling the story. – Sorry, sorry. You’re doing a great job. – Is the name of the game, guess the story? – Yeah, man. Nate was the police. – Oh. – The police informed them that Nate had hanged himself in Chloe’s old house a week before the voicemails were left. – Oh, gosh, of course. – A note- – He said he was dead. – Was found stapled over his heart. – Oh. – That read I’m dead and it’s all your fault. – He probably didn’t have to say the first part. – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. – That’s true, yeah, it’s kind of redundant. – The note, good, it’s all your fault. – It’s all your fault. – Yeah. – You would get it. It’s implied. – Okay. – This gets scary? – See, that was good. – At the heart of this story is the internet image known as smile.jpeg or Smile Dog. – Smile Dog? – You heard me. – Okay. – Smile Dog cannot be found online, but is rumored to be an image of a snarling husky-like dog in the dark with nothing else but a faint hand reaching into the ether. – Spooky. – This file is said to cause onset temporal lobe epilepsy and acute anxiety to anyone who views it. – All right. – That’s very accurate, that’s very medical. – Yeah, I was about to say, start listening to side effects of over the counter medications in the middle of creepy pasta. – Loose stools, heart palpitations. (Rhett laughs) – Should we roll the guy walking a dog, too. – Now, in 2007 an amateur writer was set to interview a woman named Mary. (crew laughs) Who claimed to have information about Smile Dog and was supposedly one of the few people to ever have seen it. When the writer arrived to meet with Mary, Mary changed her mind and refused to meet. Suspect, a little fishy, Mary. – Right. – A year later, the writer received a letter from Mary’s husband, Terrance. Mary had taken her own life and left behind a letter to the writer. The letter explained that Smile Dog haunted Mary in her sleep in vivid and maddening dreams. Mary said the dog told her to spread the word by showing the image to someone else. – What was his voice like? – Have you seen “Up?” (all laugh) Spread the word. – That was the dog. – In her letter, Mary urged the writer to stop their investigation of Smile Dog while they still had the chance. Then, a year later, the writer received an email inquiring if they were still interested in learning about Smile Dog. The email said, “I have seen Smile Dog” and it’s not as bad as everyone says. So I attached the image for you to see, just spreading the word. – I wish he would have ended the email with see attached. – Yeah. – Do you wanna let fate decide? Do you want the one that’s closest to you or do you wanna do the old switcheroo? – Uh, yes. (crew laughs) – The switcheroo. – All right. – Oh, good gosh. – Jesus! (Link screams) – Wow. We really should have let fate decide. – That was amazing. – Instead of the switcheroo. – Okay. – I mean the Smile Dog really had all the, it checked all the boxes of a for reals creepy pasta, right? – My story did have that trope that’s existed for century of like we’ve been getting messages from this person or this person has been leaving me things. That person’s been dead for 40 years. – Yes. – All right, I think, I think the Smile Dog feels like it’s totally real and I’m gonna go against my instinct- – So you’re going with- – Right. – We’re not switching again. – Yeah, we’re not switching. These are some big meatballs, man. – Okay, so- – So if I get a quarter of this meatball, that’s a huge bite. – I got as much as I could get and a meatball to go with it. – That’s crazy. My eyes have never seen bigger balls. – Okay, they said take a big bite. – Here we go. – Huh! (Link gags) – No, not a- – Again! – [Stevie] Link, you know what happens when you go against your gut instinct. (Link groans) – [Stevie] You get spaghetti and eyeballs and Haggis. – Oh, God. – Beer. – I feel like I did that to you, but I didn’t cook it, so- – [Steve] Yeah, so Shane told the real scary pasta this round. Author unknown and here is a picture of Smile Dog. – Smile Dog. – Look at your own risk. – Whoa! – Yeah, that’s scary. – Just spreading the word. – [Shane] Imagine him talking to you in your dreams. – [Stevie] And that means Shane has to eat the ultimate creepy pasta. – It was the soccer. – I did you in. – Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh. I can’t believe we’re making you do this. – Oh, there’s spiders on this. – [Rhett] I didn’t even see that. – Pick up a spider. – So just so you know- – I mean, I could pick up a spider. – Wait, could we hear what that is or do you reveal that after? – No, yeah, it’s spiders. – Oh, that’s spiders? They’re real spiders. – [Rhett] It’s real spiders and- – These appear to be real spiders. – You ever eaten a real spider? – No. – [Link] Oh, there it is, yes! – I’m gonna say I have a very strong stomach. All you guys do- – Hey, hey! – It’s making us look bad, man. – You like it. – I mean, look at this. I’ll have a big one. – Wait, wait, let me get one. You know what? – I’ll have a big one. – We’re ghoul brothers, we gotta do this together. – Okay, all right, let’s see what Ryan’s got. – Oh, I’m gonna regret this immediately actually. Wait, this is a real spider. – It’s a real spider. They’re a little bitter. – And I’m good to eat the big old butt. – Oh, you can, it’s all edible. – Yeah. – That’s where the baby spiders are. – [Crew Member] Oh, gosh! – It’s horrible, isn’t it? It’s horrible. – Our normal, man. – I don’t know how he’s doing it so easily. – You’re finding out what I’ve discovered for the last six years, this guy’s a psychopath. (Rhett laughs) – [Stevie] Well, it’s spiders on the outside, scorpions on the inside. – Oh, scorpions in the ravioli. – Gives it a nice little crunch, though. – Oh, no, oh, my God. Would you like a to go box? No one’s ever enjoyed it so much. Get this man a to go box. – He’s a freak, he’s a freak, what could I tell you. – Let’s see that mouth of yours, open it up. – Oh, guys. – Jesus Christ. – It’s like Eyeless Jack’s eyes. – I’m like his cousin over here. – Okay. Thank you guys for joining us. Be sure to check out all of the terrifying hilarious and delicious shows “Watcher” has to offer and be on the lookout for us appearing on their channel and- – Yeah, they always appear on their channel. – Yeah, but we’re gonna be appearing on their channel in the not too distant future. – Thank you subscribing and clicking that bell. Now you guys say you know what time it is. – [Together] You know what time it is. – I’m Audrey. – And I’m Anna and we’re from Connecticut. – We just ate our mom’s sourdough starters and we’re stuffed. – And we think you should try it, too. – [Together] And now it’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality. – Those girls are going places, man. Click the top link to watch us match food to the scary movie that they’re from on “Good Mythical More.” – And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality’s gonna land. Get your ticket to see us perform live at Mythicon. Mythicontickets.com. Exclusively on Kiswe.