I’ve got some fairy tales that you can scar kids with. Let’s talk about that? ♪ (theme music) ♪ – Good Mythical Morning! – In our ongoing Good Mythical Morning Book Club, we’ve been listening to the audiobook, “As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride,” thanks to our friends – over at audible.com. – And we’re gonna talk more about this – in Good Mythical More, but it’s – Yes. basically a modern-day fairy tale, which got me thinking about fairy tales in general. Did a little research. Boopity boop boop boop! – (high-pitched) Mm! – I have brought together… It turns out there’s some really bizarre fairy tales that… Once you really think – about it, I can’t believe that they were – Yeah. – ever told to children. So I’ve brought – Mhm. a number of these together and created a game, some of which I’ve made up. The game is called “Fairy Tales: Messed Up, or Made Up.” So some of these fairy tales are actual fairy tales that are just crazy, and some – of ’em are Linky tales. – Oh, Linky tales. – Fairy tales that Linkypoo made up. – That’s… I get it. Hold on. You’re not supposed to call yourself Linkypoo. – True. – If I say it, it’s weird but okay. If other people on the Internet say it, it’s totally acceptable. – Well, we’ll just cut it out in the edit. – You can’t call yourself… – Because we edit this show… – We won’t cut it out. – …all the time, right? – We won’t cut it out. If you get five out of eight of these right… – Okay, Linkypoo. – …then I have to wear this amazing – princess dress the rest of the day. – You can call yourself Linkypoo all – you want to in that dress. – So you better hope that you – get at least five of these right. – I’m a pretty messed up dude, so you know, I’m good at figuring out which things are messed up and which things are – made up by Linkypoo. – Here’s the first one. Once upon a time, Rhett, a mouse, a bird, and a sausage all lived together, and they each had their own household chores. Of course! – Mouse, bird, and sausage? – But one day, the bird suggests they switch things up. Spoiler alert! They all die gruesome deaths. The bird drowns. The sausage is eaten by a dog. And the mouse cooks himself alive. Eugh. Is this fairy tale real or fake? – The mouse cooks himself alive? – (Link) Alive. – And the sausage is already cooked. – He’s eaten by a dog. That is the weird part about this. Does the mouse become a sausage? – You’re not given clarifying questions. – Okay. – Real or fake, Rhett? – Um… I’m gonna go with… I’m gonna go with fakey-poo on this one. – Nope, it’s real. – Oh, really?! What?! (incorrect buzzer) It’s called “The Bird, the Mouse, and the Sausage.” Written in 1810 by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, AKA the Brothers Grimm. My favorite part of – this story is… the dog says that it was – Dang, Grimms! okay to eat the sausage because the sausage was “carrying forged documents.” – We’ll, I’d eat– yeah. You gotta eat… – Totally true. – …those misbehaving sausages. – All right, you’re already behind the– Law-breakin’ Sausages! That’s a good name for a band. Once upon a time, a stepmother didn’t like her stepson. – Okay… Yeah, I’ve heard of that. – That’s big news. So, spoiler alert! She slams the lid of a chest down on his head, decapitating him. And then feeds him to his father in a pie. – Mm, cannibalism, kids! – (forced laughter) This has some… (high voice) “Go to sleep, little children!” This has some tropes, and I feel like it’s so trope-y… – (Link) Hm. – …that it’s definitely a Linkypoo – thing. This is fake. – (laughing) Dude. (stammering) – It’s real. – It’s real?! Dang it! (incorrect buzzer) – Listen, I told you these are crazy! – The step… (laughing) Hold on, the step– (stammering) in the pie? I was like, “Oh, come on. He’s just takin’ things from all kinds of fairy tales.” – It gets even crazier. It’s called – What?! “The Juniper Tree.” This is also… – (Rhett) She fed? Oh, gosh. – …a Brothers Grimm thing. – After the dead– Listen. – This is real? This is for kids? The dead, eaten kid becomes a bird, murders the stepmom by dropping a – giant rock on her head. – Oh. – That’s the double spoiler alert. – If you had’ve gotten to that, – I would’ve known it was real. – No, you wouldn’t have. All right. You gonna have to wear that dress if you don’t shape up! – Once upon a time… – I can only miss one more. Yeah. Once upon a time, a bear fell in love with a hen. He followed her around everywhere, but a jealous rabbit, also in love with the hen, devised a plan. (snaps) Spoiler alert! The bear accidentally sits on the chicken, squishing the life out of it, and then he bludgeons the rabbit to death with the floppy body of the chicken. Is this fairy tale real or fake? – (tapping the table) – Just because Lizzie is giggling over – there doesn’t mean that it’s fake. – Well, I feel like just based on just – statistics at this point… – (laughing) (Rhett) You can’t have three real in a row. This is a fake one! – Yeah, this is fake. – Hey! (correct ding) But if it were real, I would call it, “Bear with Me: There’s a Chicken under – My Butt.” Or “Who Framed Roger Rabbit? – Oh, that’s good. Nobody! He Was a Jealous, Murderous Jerk!” – What’s that in German? – Danke schön. – Dunka shing? – Danke schön! – Gunka sheng? – (crew laughing offscreen) – Isn’t “danke schön” a German word? – (crew offscreen) It’s “thank you.” – Oh, “thank you.” You’re welcome. – We digress. Once upon a time… – You’re velcome. – …three surgeons tried to impress – an innkeeper with their skills. – Three surgeons? Surgeons. Spoiler alert! One cut off his own hand. The other gouged out his own eyes, and kids, the third one cut out his beating, bleeding heart. Anybody hungry? Kids, wanna peanut butter and jelly? – Want some heart sausage? – (laughing) Real or fake? Surgeons… Surgeons don’t often make their way into children’s tales. – (laughing) – I mean, give me an example of surgeons – in a fairy tale. – Um, this one. Uh… Linkypoo! Messed up. I mean, made up. – (laughing) No, this is real! – Made up. Dang it! (incorrect buzzer) – Okay. – They’re surgeons?! You Germans… – For every other one you lose, – …is this Germans? you’re gonna have to wear the dress another day now. – Is this Germans? – this is also the Brothers Grimm. – These guys were messed up. – Man, they write about surgeons? The surgeons ended up replacing their missing body parts with the hand of a thief, the eye of a cat, and the heart of a pig. – You know what? That was foresight. – Right, ’cause you can do that. – I have a pig heart. – I know a guy who does. – Oh, I seem insensitive now. – Yeah, let’s not bring him into that. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry pig heart people. I’m just saying that it’s something that can be done, and it’s pretty amazing. Thanks to modern medicine. Once upon a time, a vain prince rejected a beautiful princess. He was then eaten by a panther and regurgitated as the ugliest man on Earth. Spoiler alert! The princess ends u falling in love with him anyways. They slaughter the panther and serve him on a spit at their wedding feast. Real or fake? – Is there sausage involved? – Yes. I’ll add sausage. – (laughing) So it’s fake. – (laughing) Yes, it’s fake! – (laughing) (correct ding) – But if it were real… – You walked right into that. – it would be called “Beauty and the – Hairball.” Just trying to keep this – Oh, that’s good. interesting. Once upon a time, a king vowed that he would only marry a woman who fit perfectly into his dead wife’s clothes. – Mm… – Spoiler alert! The woman happened to be – his own daughter. Ooh! – (laughing) Oh, gosh. – Real or fake? – Oh, man! Wow! – (laughing) – You know, the funny thing is this has – happened in real life. – Does it happen in a real fairy tale. No, there was a real life case of a father meeting after never seeing each other – and falling in love. That’s weird stuff. – Is that where I got this from – when I made it up? – (Rhett) I think it was in Florida. – That’s not German. – Did I read that article and make this – up, this Linky tale? – Uh… Yep, this is fake. – Nope, it’s real. – Gah! (incorrect buzzer) This is an old, Scottish folk tale. John Francis Campbell compiled it in 1860: “The King Who Wished to Marry His Daughter.” They just go with it right – off the bat, the title of the thing. – You people. – All right. I’m just in for the pride now. – Once upon a time, a beautiful princess was cursed to transform into a hideous creature every night at sunset. Only true love’s kiss could break the spell. Ironically, she’s rescued not by a handsome prince on a horse, but by a grotesque monster with a mule. Spoiler alert! They do kiss, but the princess stays ugly. Real or fake? – (slaps the table) Fake. – You are horrible at this. It’s real. – (incorrect buzzer) – It is the 2001 computer-animated – fantasy comedy, “Shrek.” – (both Rhett & Link laughing) – (Rhett) Oh, man. You totally got me. – I got you with the Shrek-es! – Aw, you Shreked me, man. – Last one. – I got Shreked! – I’m so happy that you fell for that. – I’ve been Shreked! – (laughing) Once upon a time, – a bags-pipes-playing… – “A bags pipes?” A bags-pipes-playing-chicken-riding human-hedgehog hybrid man met two kings in the woods, who each offered their daughter’s hand in marriage. – So there’s multiple bags. – That’s just how you say it. It’s bagpipes. It’s not bagpipe. I looked it up, ’cause I didn’t wanna seem stupid, and you’re still calling’ me on it. Spoiler alert! He marries one princess and murders the other one by riddling her body with razor sharp hedgehog quills: human pin cushion. Real or fake? Hedgehogs are not real. They were invented for the game Sonic the Hedgehog. – So I’m gonna say this is fake. – It’s real. – (incorrect buzzer) (laughing) – It’s called “Hans My Hedgehog” – by the Brothers Grimm in 1815. – I know hedgehogs are real. – Please don’t comment. – Yeah, I mean, look at that picture – of that guy. He’s so weird. – (Rhett) Dang. You know what? I’m sorry. I’ve disappointed myself, Shrek fans everywhere. We’re gonna put you in that dress very shortly. Wanna join the Good Mythical Morning Book Club? It’s easy. Every month we’ll be listening to a new book on audible.com and then talking about it here on the show. (Rhett) The next audiobook is “How We Got to Now: Six Innovations That Made the Modern World” written by Steven Johnson. This explores the history of – innovation over the last few centuries. – It’s easy to join. All you gotta do is listen to the books and watch GMM. We’re gonna discuss in Good Mythical More today. So you get the free audiobook and 30-day trial for free. Go to audible.com/GMM. They got over 150,000 titles to choose from. The link is in the description. Thanks for liking and commenting. You know what time it is. My name is Danielle Bell from Eminence, Kentucky, and it’s time to spin – The Wheel of Mythicality! – Remember, join the Good Mythical Morning Book Club by going to audible.com/GMM. It’s so easy, people! We’re gonna discuss the book in Good Mythical More: the past book. Click through to that. Rhett’s gonna be putting on a fairy dress and wearing it all day. – Is it a princess dress? – I think it’s a princess dress. – (bells ringing) Win face! – Whoa! – Woo woo woo woo! (et cetera) – ♪ (celebratory horn music) ♪ – It is… – Congratulations! – (Rhett) hepworthgretta! – (Link) Guess what you win? A butter cutter. And Rhett & Link merch. (laughing) – ♪ (hepworthgretta! Uh Uh!) ♪ – ♪ (You’re amazing!) ♪ ♪ (hepworthgretta! I’m probably not saying that right.) ♪ We cleaned it for ya. [Captioned by Kevin: GMM Captioning Team]