Why is a crush called a “crush”? – Let’s talk about that. ♪ Intro Theme Music ♪ – Good Mythical Morning!! – It’s Thursday, and on Thursdays we become spiders and what do spiders do? They make webs! – Yeah. -We make webs on Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter and we wait for your questions to fly into our webs like flies, and once those flies get caught in our webs, we wrap them up with our spider silk and suck them dry for their question blood! We then use that energy to help us develop an egg sac of spider babies that hatch forth and make their way into your shoes. Except, those spider babies aren’t spiders, they’re answers and we just tell you the answers here on this show. Check your shoes for spiders, people!! -Oookay. So, we asked you to ask us questions about crushes. All things crush! First question is from Hassaan Ali Khan, who asks, “Why are crushes called ‘crushes’?” – Hmmm. – Good question! – Well, it’s called a crush because it comes from the Latin word ‘crudis,’ which means cruel, merciless, bloody, and bleeding. Cause that’s what happens when you have a crush. It sinks it’s cruel, merciless fangs of desire into you, and bites down, making you bleed into your personal, academic, and professional lives are crushed into bloody pulps. And all you’re left with is the frustration of unrequited love drenched in tears of sadness and loneliness. – Waahhh.. – Not that I have any experience with that. – (still wailing) Waahhh… – Actually, that’s not the real reason; but, I have researched it. (makes ‘boobity-boop’ sounds) The word “crush,” interestingly enough, comes from the word “mash,” which is the Romany word, which means “to entice somebody.” So, a “masher,” in their language, is someone who was like a sweet-talker. – Okay. – Someone who was like, (alluring voice) “Hey, baby, you live in a cornfield? Because, I’d like to stalk you.” – He’s a “masher.” – Oh, wow, Link. Save that one. – So, then, over — I don’t need it. (alluring voice) I’m taken. I’m so sorry. (laughs) (off camera laughter) – Because of lines like that, Link is now taken. – Because of lines like that. (laughs) I never used that one, but you can have it for free. – Do you live in a cornfield? – I didn’t even write it. Basically, you know, the English permutation of “mash,” which also means “to crush.” If you “mash” somebody, you crush them. – Right. – They become your crush, and that’s how it worked over time. – Oh. – And, it’s still sounds like unnaturally, like, violent. – Violent? -It’s like why would you –If you like somebody, why you call them crushes? – But, it’s heavy, man. A crush is heavy. I get it. – You’re not gonna crush them, or mash them. It’s like, (country accent) “Gimme the television remote. I want to mash some of them buttons.” (clicking) That’s what we would do. “Mash the button.” -Okay. -That’s what we would say. -Moving right along to a question from Maddie Campbell who asks, “What if you want to date someone, but they’re totally out of your league?” – Oooooh. You have experience with this right? – Yes, I do. – (laughs) – I spent most of my adolescence with a crush on Holly Wampole. She was two years older than me. – She was way outta my league. – Real name, it’s getting awkward. She’s watching. – (laughs) But, she’s married now, so it’s a different name. But, you can do what I did. And that is ‘dream date’ your crush – (laughs) especially, when I was younger, I could control my dreams a little bit better. I could have lucid dreams and so, when I’d realize I was dreaming, I would fly to Holly’s house. But, most of the time, I would be met at the door by her mom, who would say, “You can’t come in.” (both laugh) – She is a smart woman, even in your own dreams she wouldn’t let you date her. – But, maybe if you dream enough, I mean maybe, you’ll eventually get past the mom. – I love the fact that you preface the story, which I think you’ve shared parts of it before. But, you said, ” Oh, she’s married now. Her name has changed.” Like you continue to know these things about her. I won’t bring that up, though. – Why not? She’s a family friend. -I’ll move on to another question. Or, I’m going to move on to a totally different thing ’cause now it’s time to visit another weird website in the segment we call, “The Internet is a Weird Place.” Thanks to our friends over at Squarespace And this week, we’re gonna explore findtheinvisiblecow.com. -Let’s go there now! (voice from website on repeating) “Cow. Cow. Cow.” – What? – (website voice) “Cow. Cow. Cow.” – Now, it’s saying “cow.” – (website voice repeating) “Cow.” – You can hear that, right? – Yeah. Lots of times. – Whenever I move the cursor, it starts saying “cow” louder — -When the cursor gets closer to the invisible cow. – (website voice continuously saying “cow.”) – You should go back to the left. – (website voice begins saying “cow” louder) – (website voice says “cow” louder and louder) – (website voice repeating cow) – Gettin’ closer – Nope. You’re getting further away. – (website voice saying “cow” louder) – No, that was it. That’s it Yeah. – (website voice gets louder) – Getting closer. – (website voice says “cow” louder) – Getting closer. (website voice begins shouting “cow!”) -He’s up here in the corner! – Good gracious. – (website voice shouting “cow!!”) – Whoa, whoa, whoa. And, now I can click. – (Cow’s voice) “Moo.” – Okay. I think this would be pretty — this was pretty fun on the internet, but I think it’d be even more fun to do in real life. – (quick whoosh sound effect) – Oh, this is — this is – (whispering) Cow. – better than the website. – (whispering) Cow, cow, cow.. – (continuously whispering) Cow. (then louder as Rhett nears) Cow. – Heh, heh. – (louder) Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow (whispers again) Cow. (louder) Cow. Cow. (shouting) Cow! Cow! Cow!! Cow!!! (quietly) Moo. – Oh, what’s you got there? Let’s do that again. – (quietly) Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. – Hold on, you moved. – (whispering) Cow. Cow. Cow. – You can’t do that. – (quietly) Cow. Cow. Cow. – (quietly) Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. – This isn’t how the website works, Link. – (quietly) Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. – (a bit louder) Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. – (shouting) Cow!! Cow!!! I moooved. – Oh! I get it. – (whispering) Cow. Cow. Cow Cow. Cow. Cow. – (louder) Cow. Cow. Cow. – (whispering again) Cow. Cow. Cow. – Oh c’mon. (louder) Cow. Cow. (shouting) Cow!! Cow!! Cow!!! Cow!!! – (squish sound) -Moo. -Ugh. – (quick ‘whoosh’ sound effect) – Wow, Link, you’re really showing your versatility as an actor these days, transforming into ground beef. – Oh, yeah. I’m glad you noticed. – Alright, guys, share your weird website you find with us at TheInternetIsAWeirdPlace.com. Click on ‘submit a site.’ If we pick yours, we’ll give you a credit on the show. -And, remember you can win a -limited edition “The Internet Is Weird Place” t-shirt by designing and building your own weird website with Squarespace. Last month’s theme was music and the winner is Dimitri Zagkils! – Congratulations Dimitri. He’s an amateur composer with a professional website. So, it is now a new month which – means a new theme and a new assignment for you guys. This month’s theme is Animals. So, to win a t-shirt, click on ‘Make Your Own Website.’ You’ll get a free trial to Squarespace and 10 % off the creation of the website. -And, after your site is complete, go back and click on ‘Submit A Site’ for it to be entered into the monthly contest. – And now, onto more advice about crushes. – This is from Mary Catherine Vail, who asks, “How do you crush?” – Hmmm. Good question. You know what, we decided to punt on this one. – and ask our friends, I think one of them is actually one of our cousins. I don’t know — – One of us. – exactly how it works, but they’re also one of our favorite bands. – Yes. – Rabbit Lightning. We asked Rabbit Lightning to write a song to answer this question. I don’t think they’ve written it yet, but let’s see what they have to say. – (Southern accents) I’m Lon Lightning. – And I’m Red ‘Rabbit Claw’ Moonshine. – And we are – (in unison) Rabbit Lightning! – What we’ve been asked and tasked to do is to answer a question in song to help out Rhett and Link. – I’ve crushed cans. That’s my suggestion for the first line. – I’ve crushed cans. – And I’ve crushed gravel. – And I’ve crushed gravel. – Yeah. – And I’ve crushed grandma’s leg – in the door of a Cadillac. – Yeah. – True story. – Yeah, she still walks with a limp, but she said she learned a valuable lesson that day. Get those feet in the car. – ♪ I’ve crushed dirt clods with my boots. ♪ – How about boxes? – ♪ And boxes after I’ve moved. ♪ – Yeah. Yeah. I love to crush a good box after I move. – ♪ I’d like to crush you… ♪ – No. – ♪ Under the weight of my love. ♪ – ♪ I’d like to hug you with the gentle caress of a dove…♪ – I don’t know, I just made that up. – Yeah, Okay. – Bring an animal into it. -The gentle caress of a dove? – You know how when a dove flies up against ya and caresses you. – It is gentle. Every time I’ve been close to a dove, it’s been a good experience. Yeah, I’ve never had an unpleasant experience with a bird, really. – (laughs) You got that right. – You know how it is when you got a crush on somebody and you just wanna be near ’em? And then if you accidentally run into ’em a little bit, it’s electric. What if we bring ’em together and we do an electric dove? – Electric dove? – Which, incidentally, was the first name of this band. – I remember that. – And, it’s like, hmm that’s interesting. It intrigues a woman. A woman that’s a little bit confused is what you want. If you want a relationship to last, you gotta tell a secret right off the bat. – How about I’d show you my collection — – Toothpicks? – of Civil War prosthetics, cause I do have that. – Oh, from where they would (knocking sound) off a (knocking sound) and put on a — – Yeah. Wooden. – Okay, I think we’ve written this song. – This song can be used by anyone to acquire someone you crush on. – ♪ I’ve crushed cans ♪ – ♪ And I’ve crushed gravel ♪ – ♪ And I crushed grandma’s leg – (together) ♪ in the door of a Cadillac ♪ – She walks with a limp, but she she learned her lesson. – (together) ♪ Now I’m crushing on you, babe ♪ – (together) ♪ Like the grainy innards of a store-bought hacky sack ♪ – You know how a hacky sack has that (crush sound) thingy in it? – ♪ I drunk a beverage with crushed ice ♪ – (together) ♪ And it was nice ♪ – (together) ♪ But not nearly as nice as what one night with you ♪ might be like ♪ – (together) ♪ I’d like to crush you under the weight of my love ♪ – (together) ♪ Brushing up against you is like touching an electric dove ♪ – ♪ I’ve crushed dirt clods with my boots ♪ – ♪ And boxes after I moved ♪ – (together) ♪ But what I wouldn’t do for a 30 second convo with you ♪ – ♪ I’d show you my collection of Civil War prosthetics ♪ – ♪ And tell you a secret and never regret it ♪ ♪ Like, I’ve got a subdermal arm that the doctors can’t explain ♪ – I think you might regret that. – (together) ♪ I’d take yer hand and place it in mine ♪ – ♪ Not the sub-dermal one ♪ – (together) ♪ but the one outside ♪ ♪ and then give you a manicure and grab the other hand and start the ♪ ♪ process over again ♪ – (together) ♪ I’d like to crush you under the weight of my love ♪ ♪ Brushing up against you is like touching an electric dove ♪ ♪ I’d like to bulldoze the barriers between your heart and mine ♪ – ♪ I’d like to backhoe a ditch, but call the gas company ahead of time ♪ – And by call the gas company, I mean call you. -Yeah. – (together) ♪ What’s your number? ♪ – You can put it in my cellular telephone. – Well, I think they’ve written another instant classic. – I agree. – They know how to put out the hits over there at Rabbit Lighning. – Rabbit Lightning! Yeah! – Okay, guys, in the comments below, confess who you have a crush on. – Oh, wow! And thanks for liking, and commenting, and subscribing. – And, thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode. – (laughs) You know what time it is. – (rhythmic clapping) – (together) ♪ Well, my name is [Betsy] – and I’m here to say it’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality. ♪ -It’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality! – Do you need to protect yourself from the cold winds of the Fall? Well, you can do that with a hoodie! A Good Mythical Morning hoodie a Randler hoodie, and a Rhett and Link hoodie. All available at RhettandLink.com/store. – This one’s got a hood, I’ve been hiding it. Look at that! Boom! Bam! -Click through to Good Mythical More, open your mail and play MASH with Jen! – “In a world without toothpicks.” – (deep announcer voice) In a world… without toothpicks… – (deep announcer voice) One man, named Doug eats some carnitas and gets some of those carnitas stuck in his molars. – (deep announcer voice) He embarks upon a quest, upon which he meets a friend. A corncob-eating champion, Randalll, who’s got a real big problem. – (deep announcer voice) Together, they use bitten off fingernails to press in between individual teeth to try to get of the food lodged in their mouth. – (deep announcer voice) There’s some sort of a gum infection that happens and then as they’re both dying in the hospital, – (loudly) Christmas 2016!! – (deep announcer voice) happens. ♪ End Theme Music ♪ [Captioned by: Nikki GMM Captioning Team]