(rooster crowing) (beast growling) (dramatic music) – Oh, hoh, hoh, hoh, you want to get spicy? Then you need to listen to how French is translated into English, and then it is naughty. – That’s good. I like that accent. – Oh. – It sounds like a cartoon French character, or a French cartoon character, which is the best kind. – Well, you know what you sound like? A doofus. – Merchicality. Congratulations to our winner, Shivani. You win a $30 mythical.com gift card for sporting that Mythical merch in the wild. – Oh, Shivani’s sporting that Mythical stethoscope. No, I think that’s part of her job. – Some people wear stethoscopes as a fashion statement, but I bet you it has something to do with Shivani’s job. You know, that’s my guess, ’cause this is a legit medical professional. – Wear merch, get more merch. – And thank you. Thank you for your work, Shivani. – I still can’t speak because of my mouth hotness. – I feel alive right now. You know what I’m saying? There is an adrenaline thing that happens. – There is. – With the hot peppers, and this is what those pepperheads are always talking about. – Stevie, what do we have here that we are not allowed to look it? – There’s probably a lot of, are there are a lot of fights at those pepper festivals, ’cause I wanna, I never wanted to punch somebody so much. You better watch out. I don’t punch people very often. In fact, one of the few times I’ve punched somebody is when John Carson picked on you in like 3rd grade. – I don’t even know if that happened, since you, you keep talking about it. – I punched him right in the gut, man. One punch, one punch, I’m One-Punch Man, that’s what they call me. They based that whole comic on me and my childhood exploits. – [Stevie] That, on those cards, those are the actual French phrases in French. – Okay. – French phrases in French? – [Stevie] Yeah, well, I’m gonna say them as they’re translated in English, and then you’re gonna guess what the phrases mean, and if you guess incorrectly, you’re going to be punished by having to say them in French. You understand what I’m saying? – Oh that is our punishment. – Yeah. – I love to speak French. – [Stevie] At first, I thought I was gonna have to say them in French, and I got sad. But then, then the rules of the game were explained to me, and I got happy. – Okay, let’s hear the first one. – [Stevie] To have sauce pans hung on the ass. – To have sauce pans on the ass. – Got sauce pans on the ass. I think that means you’re just, you’re making a ruckus. It’s like, quiet down, loud boy. – Because we’re not using whiteboard, because you said, at first, I need to say a different answer. – Well, you can say the, if you agree. – That is what I was thinking. – If that’s what you were thinking. – You’re clanging, you’re like clanging about. – It’s like a bull in a china shop. – No, it’s not. – No, no, I’m saying- – It’s just the auditory. – Just sound. – Just sound. – It’s just, it’s like a loud bull in a china shop, but it’s not actually breaking- – So if we’re wrong, we’ll say this one in unison. – [Stevie] So you’re going for the same wrong answer, okay. – Oh. – [Stevie] It’s to have a scandal follow you. Like if there were sauce pans attached to you, they would constantly clang and make noise everywhere you go. – Ooh, yeah. You’re right about those sauce pans. – So we need to say this in unison. (both speaking French) (Link speaking French) – Casserole is a French word. – Casserole, casserole. – I’m gonna say that next time I serve one. – Casserole. – [Stevie] There is a beautiful combination of incense and hot wing sauce odor- – Oh, you like it? – In here right now. – Yeah. – Like I am into it. – No. – I feel like we should make it happen. – Well- – Incense and hot sauce. – This is like being on one of those streets- – A candle. – Next to a college, and there’s a wing place and then like, a head shop right next to each other. – [Stevie] Yeah. – Can’t look at this. – And right as you’re passing from one to the other, you smell this, what we’re smelling right now. – [Stevie] Go cook yourself an egg. – What? – [Stevie] Go cook yourself an egg. – That means like get bent. – Cook yourself an egg? – You know? Just like skedaddle outta here, you rascal. – I mean, suck eggs- (crew laughs) Suck eggs is just like, screw you. – Go suck an egg, go cook an egg. – Go cook an egg? – Pretty close. – But you know, the French are, they’re like, really proud chefs, like everyone’s a chef and they know how to make their sauce- – And nobody makes their own eggs there. You get someone else to make it for you. – No, no, no. – In fact, it’s bad luck to make your own eggs, and you have to be like, I want eggs. Will you make me one? – I think it’s back to the drawing board, back to the drawing board. – I think it is just a straight insult. Just a get outta town, bad boy. – [Stevie] Okay, so you don’t think it’s skedaddle out of here, you rascal? – Yeah, it’s that. – Okay. Yeah, it’s leave me alone/go to hell. So skedaddle outta here, you rascal. – Yep, there you go. Link, you gotta read it. (Link speaking French) – That’s egg, oeuf, O-E-U-F, oeuf. – Ooh, that’s a satisfying word. (Link speaking French) – I get it one of these days. – Yeah. – What’s your go-to English version of one of these things? – I don’t tend to have that. Like- – My mom’s- – I can’t remember the last time I said that kinda thing to someone in public, and I don’t talk to my family like that, so. – My mom would always say, “Kiss my butt.” – Who’s she saying that to? – To me, to other family members, friends, people who would give her a hard time, but only people she would know. I mean, she wouldn’t like ask a stranger- – Kiss my butt. – To kiss her butt. But she would say, “Kiss my butt.” – Well, that’s a good one. – Kiss my butt. (crew laughs) – Maybe I’ll start using that one. I don’t have one of these. Like I don’t know, like if I were to get into like a traffic altercation- – [Stevie] That’s what I was thinking, yeah. – I don’t know what I would say. – [Stevie] I think, I was analyzing that about myself- – But that doesn’t keep me from yelling. – [Stevie] I’m like, my new thing is to be like, well, that was stupid, like to myself. Like I’ll say, that was, oh, good driving. – Good going. – That was stupid. – Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was dumb. – I need to have a thing, because- – [Rhett] You tend to say- – I’ll be like. (stutters) Wha! – [Stevie] You say, “Well, screw you!” But not in a real way. – Link has said- – You’ve said that multiple times. – What are you thinking? – What are you thinking? That’s what I do. – Which is not- – That’s my go-to. – You don’t wanna go with, end with a question. (crew laughs) – Yeah, you don’t wanna open up dialogue. You kinda wanna shut it down. It’s like, yeah, go cook an egg. It’s like, you do something that’s apart from me- – Go cook an egg might be my new thing, too, either that or kiss my butt. – [Stevie] Bring me something to drink, or I kill the dog. (Link speaking French) – This just means, this is extreme- – Is that a cat? – Extreme thirst, to the point where you’re willing to just- – No. (crew laughs) – Take a dog’s head off, and just drink whatever comes out. – That’s a bit literal. – Which is a horrible thing, and I don’t recommend. – Bring me something to drink or I’ll kill a dog. How could that not have to do with being thirsty? – [Stevie] Well, yeah, it’s I kill the dog. It’s not, I’ll, it’s not an I will kill the dog. It’s I, it’s almost as if the person’s holding the dog and a knife. – I’m gonna kill this dog. – [Stevie] Yeah. – It’s a threat. It’s I’m so thirsty that if you don’t serve me right now, I’ll kill this dog that we’re all gonna wipe our hands on after the meal. Isn’t that what they do in France? The dog is under the table and they just wipe their hands on it like a big napkin. Right? That’s what they do in France at the finest restaurants. – Your stomach made a noise when you were done- – It gone a wing. – You’re like, don’t you- – A wing moved. – It went, rank, rank, rank. – You know, I read about dogs doing that in the medieval days and I was like, man, that’s a good, I mean, that’s awesome. Dogs love that, ’cause dogs like to lick themselves, and if you- – A dog gets petted. – If you wipe some like chicken grease on a dog, and then a dog licks itself, everyone wins. – So do you need to pet the part of the dog he can, that he can reach? – Dogs can reach basically everywhere. – Dogs cannot lick their own backs. – Other dogs can, though. If you got- (crew laughs) You gotta have two dogs, and you- – No, just- – One for your left hand and one for your right hand. – I think you need to, I mean, if you only have one dog, you’re gonna be rubbing sauce on the places that you’re not gonna wanna rub sauce, ’cause that’s the only places they’re able to lick. I’m talking about the wiener. – Oh, that’s why you need a female dog. I’m always, I’m scared, I mean, with Jasper, I’ve been kinda scared to pet him, ’cause I like to go in for the belly rubs, and then you get a little poke on one side of your hand and I’m like, I don’t want that. – Yeah, I’ve had to, you know, you’re used to a female dog, and then, all of a sudden, you gotta change your rub places. – Yeah, yeah, yeah. The rub zone decreases. – Yeah, it does. I think my answer to this is it’s more general. It’s not about thirst, but it’s like, it’s applying like, I want whatever the context is so bad. – Whatever the context. – So it’s just more general. – And I think it’s about thirst. – [Stevie] Uh, I think you both have to read in unison, because it’s do as I say and be quick about it. – So it’s not about want at all. – [Stevie] Mm-mm. (both speaking French) – Well, this is incorrect. – Yeah, yeah, we’ve taken French. Just read the French. – Well, I’m looking at the pronunciation. – Don’t do that. (both speaking French) – Man, French people, I’m jealous of them. You know, you get to say things like that. (speaks French) – It seems like it takes so much work to (muttering). You have to engage so much more of your mouth and your tongue. – I think it makes you stay awake. (Link making guttural sounds) You can’t fall asleep speaking French. – All the noises that they have to make. (Link making guttural sounds) – We’ve taken all the edges off. English has taken all the edges off. (Link speaking French) All right. Hit us with another one. – Let’s hit ’em with an “Ear Biscuits” promo. Listen to our podcast. – This is a good one. – “Ear Biscuits,” two lifelong friends, talking about life for a long time. We gave our wives a survey. – Mm-hmm. – And then, we’re gonna process the results and see what we learn. We just celebrated our, you celebrated your 20th. – I spellabrated my 20th. – Wedding anniversary, and I celebrated my 21st wedding anniversary. We’ve been married 41 years. – Whoo! – Collectively. – And our wives have got a lot of dirt on us by this point, so. – And they- – If you’re interested in that- – So they filled out some surveys. – Listen to “Ear Biscuits.” – [Stevie] You’re farting sideways. – Oh, wow. – Oh, this is a good one. – Farting sideways? I feel like I’ve done that. – I think this is- – You can tell sometimes, it’s like, oh, that’s one kinda ricocheted. – The thing I will say about farting sideways is I believe, in fact, write this down, ’cause this could be an episode that nobody watches, an idea for one, I feel like I can tell where a smell is coming from based on which nostril it enters first. And sometimes, I’m like, this kid farted, and this kid didn’t fart. You know what I’m saying? – You’re always, you’re flanked by children who are, who can fart at any time? – Well, usually, it’s trying to figure out which one of my kids farted, and I can usually tell, oh- – That’s why you try and get in between ’em so you can sniff it out? – Hit the left nostril first. But I actually that you’re farting sideways- – Hold on, hold on, don’t tell me first. You’ve said all of them first. – Well, you gotta be quick, man. You gotta be quick. – Farting sideways. I think it’s like, you got, you’ve suffered some sort of trauma. – So you’re literally farting sideways. (cast and crew laughing) Like there’s a perforation in your colon. You need to see a doctor because you are farting sideways. (chuckles) I can see it come out of your hip. (cast laughing) – I think it’s still coming out of the anus, but like, either a cheek is smooshed. – Skewed the wrong way, yeah. – It’s just like, the trauma was to such an extent that you’re now altered. – Okay, that’s your answer? – [Stevie] I have bad news. – I knew you were gonna steal it. – I’m glad I waited. – You will be farting sideways – I think this is when you’re acting the fool. You’re doing something stupid, like, somebody’s just doing something foolish. You’re farting sideways! Come on, man. – [Stevie] You are both incorrect. It’s you’re grumpy, when somebody’s grumpy, you say, you’re farting sideways. – Okay. – I don’t understand. – What is the, I never learned the French word for fart. I know that (speaks French) is a poop, a naughty word for poop. (Rhett speaks French) (Link speaks French) (Rhett speaks French) (both speaking French) – So pet is fart? Pet, P-E-T, pet? (Link speaks French) So pet- (Link speaks French) So I bet you when people- (Link speaks French) When French people see that we like pets so much, they think we’re talking about farts. Yeah. – A fart is a pet. – Is a pet. – In France. – I have made little short-term pets out of farts before. (crew laughs) Like ooh, I better name that one. (laughs) – He’s cute. – That one. – He deserves a name. – That one’s gonna stick around for a while, I gotta name it. (laughs) – (blows raspberry) Stanley. – That’s how that happened. – (blows raspberry) Rover. – Hey, what if we start- (Link speaks French) Naming all farts? – Well, I wouldn’t have any, I’d have no time left in the day. (Rhett laughs) All right, hit me. – [Stevie] Dip your biscuit. – Slow your roll. – Dip your biscuit means you’re just gonna try something. You’re just gonna try it. – Like put your toe in it? – Yeah, you’re basically, yeah, I’m just getting my feet wet. – [Stevie] It’s specifically related to men. – Dip your biscuit? Um… – What do men have that looks like a biscuit? This is when you dip your scrotum in something. (laughs) This is when you’re testing the temperature of something and the scrotum is the most temperature sensitive of all things, that’s why sometimes, they go up in there at a certain degree. – Yes, Rhett, yes. – So I tend to test like tap water temperature with my scrotum. – Okay. – Of course, no one’s watching. I say, everybody leave the room, Dad’s gotta see what the temperature of this faucet is. – I think, please let that not be correct. – So that’s what it is. – I, the funny thing is is that I skipped around on my scoreboard, because I wasn’t sure if I could say the word on YouTube, and then, I went to this one, and then, this is what the conversation is. (Rhett laughs) – What’s the biscuit if it’s not? Maybe it’s… – Oh, it’s just one ball, that’s what it is. – No, shut up. I’m thinking over here. I don’t know what a biscuit could be. A man’s biscuit- – It’s your beard. You dip your biscuit, just stick your beard in it a little bit. – [Stevie] Okay, but like, if it was your scrotum, then what would the phrase really mean? – It would mean have sexual intercourse. – (laughs) Is that how you do it? That’s not how you- (crew laughs) That’s not how you do it. (snorting) You made snot come out of my nose. – You mean, you put the, you use this, you use the- – Yeah. – You use the wiener? (crew laughs) – Yeah, not the biscuit. – Well, dang, the next 20 years of my marriage are gonna be interesting. (laughs) – Wow. – I’ve had a lot of fun so far. – 21 years of trying to get the biscuit in there. (cast and crew laughing) Like, y’all make a good pair. You’ve been working on- – She hasn’t complained. (both laughing) So we’re right, right? – We are right. I haven’t given an answer and you know what? I’m not going to. – [Stevie] It means to sleep around. – Ah! – Oh. – Yeah, dip your biscuit. So I mean, that means you get to read it, man. (Link speaks French) (crew laughing) I mean- (Link speaks French) There it is, a perfect example of why French is better than English because we look at that word, and we say, biscuit, and they look at it, and they say, bis-queet. – Bis-queet. – I mean, like, that’s so much better. (Link speaks French) That’s so much better. The French- (Link speaks French) You know what? The French think that they’re better, and they are. (Link speaks French) (Link speaks French) – [Link] Unleash your legendary style with our line of Mythical Grooming and Personal Care products available now at mythical.com