Welcome to Good Mythical More. Man, do we have some beefs with peeps. And we gotta squash ’em today! Your elbow okay? I saw you got hit by the wheel. I got hit by the wheel. Daddy like. I’m fine. Daddy don’t like. Oh, here we go. Start with something. Daddy like colors. Daddy don’t like processed beef. Daddy like rainbows. Daddy don’t like dull wood. Daddy like alternate endings. Daddy don’t like VHS. Daddy like director’s cuts. Daddy don’t like hot lights. Daddy like cake cuts. Daddy don’t like, well now you’re just looking at things. Tight shoes. Daddy like. Ooh! That sound. Daddy don’t like tight pants. Daddy like rockets. Daddy don’t like, mm. You just give up. See, you gave up. Hah! Got him! I’m not gonna play the game. Daddy like that sound. That was smart. Daddy like. That was a nice pivot. The only reason I gave you credit- That sound. is because you pivoted. It was a good audible. Cut your beef cake, beef cake. Yeah. Huh. It’s funny, the wheel hit you, but my shoulders hurt. Yeah. Let’s get rolling. Your shoulder’s been hurt for a couple of months now. Yeah. Oh, it’s hurt for 10 years. It’s just, it was always like, mm, very subtle. And now it’s like, I gotta go- It was always like. get somebody to look at it. What are you gonna do? Uh. I need an MRI. You know where I can get one? In the machine. You have to get in the machine, I think. Right? Wow. This is thick. I was gonna ask you if you wanted to hear fictional scenarios about you guys getting into beefs with other people so that you could fictionally solve- Okay. those beefs. All right. ‘Cause that’s what’s about to happen. I’m more comfortable that this is hypothetical but I’m gonna, it’s gonna feel real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it. Okay. You are slinging pins at a bowling alley. Not literally. When you get a little too overexcited, Rhett accidentally throws his ball into the next lane where a group of very serious adult bowlers are engaged in a thrilling match. Is it called a match? He’s seriously thrown off Larry’s game. And Larry is not a good sport to begin with. How do you squash the beef? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Usually, when like, there’s like, a potential altercation, I think that’s a good way to start. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Larry. But- This is a prize? that doesn’t really work. I’m the winner? Usually. Larry. It was an accident, Larry. I think, Rhett, this is on you, man. You’re the one who threw the, yeah, eat it. Ooh. What’s that crunchy thing? Did you eat one of the alien nipples? Look, when this was sat down, we were informed that Trevor wanted us to understand that this is an alien nipple. Are you chewing the… The BB. You should do it. Really? You gotta work your teeth out every once in a while. Like going to the gym. Take one of those dollops. It’s gonna feel like it’s not gonna give, but then you just gotta go through, and you gotta, and it’s gotta give. I mean, it does look like a BB. What? What’s the scenario? You are bowling. You threw your bowling ball into the other,- Yeah. into the adjacent lane where they were having a serious match. Larry was upset. And Larry’s mad about it. Oh, gosh. Yeah, he’s about to get into it with you and you need to quell the situation. Larry, look at what, what is that? Turns around. Run. That doesn’t squash the beef. Um. Well I, my technique, and I don’t get into a lot of beefs. My technique is to immediately diffuse by facial expression and like, body language, like, oh man, I’m so, eh, Larry, I’m so, I. Dude, I’m so sorry. Can I buy you a drink? You look like you could use a, no, you look like you could use a drink. Do you want a drink? Because you’re so large, you know, it’s like, just the walk up, it’s like, people are like, okay, am I gonna remain aggressive with a guy as large as you? You have that. That’s an advantage that you have, you know? Yeah, but it’s also. If I walk up to somebody. I mean, I’m not short, and there’s nothing wrong with being short, I’m just saying I’m not. Okay. I’m just an average height guy. Maybe even a little bit taller than average. I’m a, I think I might, odds are I’ll be a little bit taller, but I mean, look at, look at my hair, and how my head bobbles. Yeah. It’s like, when I’m walking up to you, you’re like, oh, I’m going for this guy’s jugular. You think it’s just the height, huh? So I do think it’s a factor, that then when you’re like, oh, and he’s, is this gonna be ugly? But then it’s like, hey Larry, can I buy you a drink? You never say, can I buy you a drink? Well. Okay. Can I also point out here, if you’re talking about Larry the bowler and his group of bowling friends, like, you’ve gotta take into consideration how Larry views you more than the height issue, like. ‘Cause there’s a gang of ’em? Well, it’s also like, I mean, I’m making certain assumptions about Larry and his group of friends. He’s short. But they probably would make fun of you a little bit, you know? Make fun of me? Both of you. What would they think about me? Behind, behind his back. Yeah. Is my hair in a man bun or not in this scenario? I mean, either way. Either way. Ha! Either way, she says. Okay. Okay, what kind of judgements do you think Larry’s friends would make about me- It’s not, it’s not. with my hair like this? It’s not about what I’m saying, like. What would they assume about me, Stevie? I mean, they would assume that neither one of you is in a bowling league. Well, that would be true. But they would also assume you probably put your bowling ball in their lane on purpose. On purpose, ’cause we’re screwing around. Yeah. Couple of numb nuts. Oh, you know, this does remind me of the episode we did where we got people to get their, we got, wasn’t it that we got Mythical Beasts- Yeah. On LTAT. relatives to give their first impression of us based on one photo. Ooh, yeah. Exactly. And I was like, the gay neighbor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I’d like to do that again. I’d like to, I’d like to get people’s first impressions- Right. of us, just based on looks alone. Let’s do that again. Um. Yeah. So I don’t know. I understand where you’re coming from with that. And I think that my strategy is typically to achieve the apologetic posture that they’re hoping to get out of you by humiliating you. Right. I can’t even say that word. And avoid. I don’t, I just, I’ve never been punched in the face, and I feel like I’ve done a pretty good job at avoiding that. I don’t know how he’s never been punched in the face. And I’ve been there for many times when somebody should have. Because my instinct is to be aggressive if I feel like I’ve been wronged. I get. You go to 11 very, very quickly. Yeah. Not as much as I used to, I’ve mellowed, but in the past. Okay. Okay. So for this scenario, you’d be as apologetic as possible. Maybe offer Larry a drink, if that makes sense. Yeah. And I would be like, dude. A whole round for the boys. I’d be like, dude, it was obviously an accident. And I would probably say that in defense of you, I’d be like, it was an accident, man. Just reset your pins. Let’s forget this ever happened. Uh-oh. It’s like- Oh, no. you’re overreacting. Oh, no, no. And it would make it worse. Right. Yeah. But that would be my instinct. It might be true, but it wouldn’t help. It wouldn’t help, but it would feel good for a second. Mm. But feel a lot worse. And I don’t really, I don’t think straight when I get in that zone. So I say things that don’t make sense. Well, keep in mind, you also have to continue bowling next to this guy for the rest of your match. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn’t have thought about that either. Match. Is match right? Match can’t be right. Is that what you call it? I think it’s just a game. Match. Yeah. I’m thinking about that story of where I was- Set? at the gas station with somebody and they were, they like pulled around me and did something like. Oh, yeah. And then I blew the horn at ’em as they were exiting, it was kinda like a coward play. I was like, get outta here, as they were already leaving. And then he like, pulled a uey, came back in. Yeah. And then, cursed me out in front of my entire family. Across your wife, though. Yeah. From the passenger seat, across Christy. I got Christy rolled her window down, and then he’s yelling across her at me. She was blocking a lot of it, it was. I told that story on Ear Biscuits a time ago. But she didn’t, but she let it happen. I can’t bring myself to listen to it. She let it happen. She wasn’t gonna be like, I’m gonna step in the, this is a, he made his bed. I’m gonna just sit here and watch it happen. I think the most famous story, though, is the what are you thinking?! Right. When we were on the beach in Florida. And there were these like, college students playing football, and Christy, who was very pregnant at the time, unwittingly walked through their football, beach football game. And then this guy was trying to catch a ball, and hit Christy. Never saw her. Never saw her. Knocked her over. And I saw it all happen and like, sprinted over there huffing and puffing, and was like, got in the guy’s face. And I was like,- That’s a college. what are you thinking?! He got into a college student’s face. What are you thinking?! He was 30 at the time. He was like, I didn’t see her. And she was kinda like, in the middle of our football match. Okay. Lemme give you. Well, don’t do it again! I’ll give you a more realistic scenario here. You’re both running with scissors. Yep. And you’re, you accidentally trip, and you clip off some dude’s rattail that he’s been growing for 10 years. That’s a long rattail. And he, I guess he turns to you, and he swears that you’ll have bad luck for seven years because you’re beefing with him now. What do you do? I mean, you. I would say. Sir, the events that conspired in the universe to lead to this moment in which me and my buddy here are running with scissors, and you with a 10-year-old rattail happened to be in the way of us falling and snipping. It’s cosmic. Completely unintentionally. Yeah. The universe wanted you to get rid of your rattail. Yeah. And we were just the messenger. Yeah. So don’t come at us, come at the universe. Right. Yeah. You’re gonna have to fight the cosmos, man. Yeah. We’re not your problem. I would actually feel pretty bad. And it would, I would know that it would clearly be my fault. So I think in that one, I don’t think I would go into, you know, like, lizard brain. But you also have a pair of scissors. What’s he got? He has a dangling rattail that he’s holding in his hand. What’s he gonna do? Right. Whip you to death? Okay. Naturally, we’re moving from rattail to this scenario. You’re sitting down to a delicious turkey dinner with Jeffrey Bezos. He insists you must try his homemade gravy. Rhett eagerly grabs for the gravy boat when his greasy fingers drop the gravy boat. It’s been in Jeff’s family for four generations, even surviving a large house fire. What? Jeffrey is livid and tells you you’ll never receive a package on time again. Ooh. How do you squash the beef? This is tough, because- Gravy boat breakage. a man who has that much money, monetary things are no longer of any value to him. Mm-hmm. Things have to find value other ways. And sentimental value is one of the only ways that you can appreciate things when you’re super, super rich like him. So I just feel like I would just, strip naked before him. Lay out, and say, Jeff, do with me what you will. Oh, my. And just see what Jeff Bezos would do to a naked me. Chase is clapping. Correct. We’re correct. You are correct. That is, that is the answer that we were looking for. Wow. Wow. Yeah. I mean, am I wrong? I think. I think you’re right. Okay. Grab your copy of “Blood Oath: Rhett & Link vs the Global Lovemaking Crisis!” I grabbed my copy. It’s got a story as crazy as that one you just heard. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, there’s an ad for a Wiener Toaster 6000 on the back. If that gives you any idea of what’s on the inside. Yep. Yep. All right. This is the latest Quarterly Collectible item. It’s only be able to Mythical Society members, so you can join 3rd Degree Quarterly or Annual by March 31st, or before, to be able to get your copy. Otherwise, if you’re not already a 3rd Degree member- That’s it. it’s like, you’re not gonna get that collectible. Yeah. Very proud of it. mythicalsociety.com. Okay. This one is, has got me perplexed in a number of ways. Because one, you’re at Staples. We’re at Staples. I mean. We’re looking for a new mouse. No, you are, you’re buying a new computer monitor. Okay. Yep. And you decide to mess around with the copier, and you copy a bunch of, I guess, pictures of your butts. Yeah. Okay. Um, but. Pictures of your butts. We’ve actually done that. But this part, I don’t think you’ve done. Yeah, we did some copies of our butts and our faces. I definitely remember that we. I don’t think I ever put- And if you’re gonna copy- my bare ass on there. your butt and your face, you wanna copy your face first. Yeah. Then copy your butt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You actually both- wanna copy your Face first. And then both copy your butts. Your face, face, butt, butt. Right. You wanna be the first butt guy, if you can. You’d really wanna be the first face guy, too. Right. Unfortunately. I think the real question we were trying to answer is can you photocopy a fart? And the answer was no. Yeah. Right. Mm. We thought it might have, like, a ghostlike quality, right? It’s like, there’s an aura. There’s an aura of the. Two men capture fart on copier. Like, we wouldn’t be here right now, man. We’d be with Bezos. We’d be eating gravy with Bezos if we had captured a fart back in the 90s. Yeah. That’s Nobel Peace Prize material. I think it’s just Nobel Prize. Okay. You’ve copied. I mean, of course that would bring world peace. Right. So you’re all right. Your butts. And then unfortunately, your order and the San Francisco 49ers orders are swapped. ‘Cause I guess you, after you copy your butts, you have to place an order for ’em. I don’t know. The 49ers, huh? Okay. Then, yeah. Then you get a bunch of invites for a pasta party and sleepover. ‘Cause I guess that’s what the 49ers were gonna do. And then. This sounds like trying to hear a story and follow it from like, a preschooler with ADHD or something. Yeah. Yeah. And then the 49ers get photos of your butts, and I guess they’re upset about it. So then, how do you- They wouldn’t be. squash that beef? I kinda, I don’t mind if the 49ers have a problem with me. I think. I’m a Rams fan. I think you gotta lean into it though. I think you’ve gotta like, do something humorous to like, get ’em laughing. Like, you know take out a billboard that has our butts across it, like my two cheeks and your two cheeks. And then it’s like. Yeah. Maybe it’s 49 cheeks. And it’s like, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s like an apology bill. I think it just says the real 49ers. And it’s just 49 cheeks. Who gets, between us, who gets the one extra half cheek? ‘Cause it’s 24 sets, up until that 49th, and then we gotta pick a cheek. Right. You know what? We get a NFL umpire to flip a coin for us. I said umpire. Yeah. An NFL umpire. Yeah. Right. Because in this scenario, things don’t make sense. Referee. Correct. Thank you. Correct. Okay. And finally, another realistic scenario. You’re throwing a party and you’ve invited the Kool-Aid man, but after having a few too many cups of sugar on the way, he arrives at the wrong address and crashes through your neighbor’s wall. Faced with the neighbor’s fury, the Kool-Aid man’s only defense is, “Oh, no!” And you have to resolve the beef. How do you resolve the beef? Ooh, wow. Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know what my motive is here. Like, you know. It’s like, hey, he went to the wrong house. He’s an idiot. It’s like. But you invited him. To my house. Yeah. Right. But it wouldn’t have happened without your instigation. You know what? Let’s just trade houses. This is what I wanted anyway. Why did I want this? Why did I want the Kool-Aid man to bust through my house? Is this like a cheaper way to demolish a, you know, to add on an addition? Well you wanted an open floor plan. Right. Open to the outside. You know what? Let’s just swap houses. I think it depends on the preexisting relationship with your neighbor. You got. I got some good. You’ve got good neighbors. You guys have like, little parties with each other and stuff. Yep. Yep. My neighbors, we’re not so close. I’m actually closer to your neighbors than you are. Like Christy, Christy worked out at the gym with one of your neighbors, and boy, she had some things to say about you. Yeah, well, we keep the windows open. The stench wafts over? Yep. That’s exactly it. The McLaughlin stench. Yeah. The McLaughlins haven’t bathed again. I hate ’em. Yeah, I feel like it’s a rare thing to have neighbors that you like to talk to. In California, it definitely is. It’s not like it was growing up on, you know, Lynch Avenue and Buies Creek, where you were just basically, you know, there’s like seven houses on it. And so, you know everybody. You need some sugar? Did you run out of flour? Boy, if you go and ask somebody for flour in California, they’re like, is this a drug deal? You know? Right. Yeah. They’re like what are you? Suspicious. No, no, no. They don’t have, they have almond flour, maybe. Yeah. They just don’t have real flour. Um, yeah. I’d be like, switch houses with my neighbor. I can’t come up with a better answer than that. Yeah, because I want- Is that correct? I wanna preserve my relationship- Correct. with my neighbors. So I’ll be like, I’ll cover the cost. I’m sorry. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But then I’ll make the Kool-Aid man pay me. It’s definitely his fault. The Kool-Aid man will cover it. Join 3rd Degree Quarterly or Annual by March 31st to get Mythical’s first ever comic book. Visit mythicalsociety.com for details.