Welcome to Good Mythical More. Hello, hello? Oh, sorry. It’s the wrong way. Hello, hello. We are going to take items that you experience every day and see if they should be better when made with food. Yeah, right. That made sense. They should be better. But first we’re going to- I bet you they should. Tell a 10 word story. Gary. Is. Bad. When. Daniel. Thinks. Gary. Hates. Daniel. Today. Gary is bad when Daniel thinks Gary hates Daniel today. Hold on, let’s think about this. Gary is bad. So Gary’s not doing bad. Gary is bad when Daniel thinks that Gary hates Daniel today. So Daniel has a problem where he always thinks that Gary hates him, and Gary shows up, he’s like, I don’t hate you, but when you think that I hate you, it makes my, it’s bad for me. It’s bad for me. Right. So let’s just, come on guys. Daniel hates Gary. I mean, Daniel loves Gary. Yeah. And Gary loves Daniel. They love each other. Yeah. Let’s bring in Naajia from Sporked. And we love Naajia. All right, come on in here. Let me move. From Sporked. What’s up? Not much. Not much? Not much. Okay, let’s just hang then. All right. You’ve been having fun over there at Sporked? I have. It’s quite fun over there. And I get to write a lot of fun articles that let me ask fun questions. Okay. And you have to eat stuff. I do. I have to eat quite a few, many things. Yeah. In order to then write about ’em. Sometimes, but I feel like really fun articles that I get to write are ones where I get to will a non-existent food item into existence. Yeah, okay. Oh, we like to will. Right, right. So you did this, as we teased, with non-food items that should be made using food. Well, I was thinking about it and I’m like, we’re familiar with edible underwear, right? Well, no, what’s that? If you don’t know. No, we’ve had it on this show and we’ve probably eaten it on here. Yeah, it’s like a fruit roll up in consistency. Yeah. The cheap ones. The cheap ones. About seven hours in, the crack, you’re like, man, I wish somebody just hurry up and eat these things. Hold on, you’re not supposed to like wear it out. You don’t wear it and go out and do things. Well, they’re underwear. Right? You gotta get your money’s worth. You don’t just put ’em on to immediately eat ’em. Are you saying that your encounters last seven hours? Well, of course they do, Rhett. But only the first 10 minutes is eating my underwear. Your encounters. I’m talking about seven hours of me wearing the edible underwear. I was gonna say, I don’t think you’re supposed to be eating your own underwear. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well I didn’t imply that, did I? Hold on, are you eating it for sustenance so you can go for seven hours? I need some sugar. Go where for seven hours? I mean that in more than one way. Point taken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ultimately, what he means is point taken. Point taken. Thank you. Okay, so you wanted something else besides edible underwear. Right, I mean we can’t just hinge our functional food items on, you know. Sex. That, edible underwear alone, right? There has to be something that’s, you know, for the family. Yeah, okay. For the family. Exactly. So I don’t know about y’all, but I do get pretty hungry when I’m scrolling on my phone. Yep, yep, yep. And I do feel like there’s something to be said of the sturdiness and potential shock absorbency of fruit snacks, right? Yes, and I saw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring it out. So you’ve commissioned the, this is actually your phone. This one right here? No, this is a stage phone. This is a stage phone. We’ve gotten to that point. You think my tiny hands are enough for that phone? Now, first of all, I love fruit snacks. This is, is this Farley’s or this Welch’s? I think those are Welch’s. Okay. Nothing but give the best. Give it a drop. Approved. Give it a drop. And this is nobody’s phone. It’s a stage phone. I mean, it is a phone. It’s not a fake phone. But it’s like our phone already. I mean, yeah, but. It’s a stage phone. It’s a prop phone. That’s great. You heard that bounce? That one didn’t bounce as much. But it did absorb. What about this? There’s nothing on the screen, though. You lost one. But see, if you have- Don’t, don’t, don’t do that. No, no, no. It’ll, see that one little thing? It’ll catch it. Like that? It’ll catch it, yeah. See? Any cracks? Don’t be cracking our stage phone. Oh, location services are on. They know we’re doing this. Don’t let them find out about our ideas. Welch’s knows we’re doing this. What is location services? Now, there are a couple that you can snack on at the top. Oh, the one that fell off. Yeah, indeed. But it’s worth noting that- It leaves some pricklies. Yeah. So perhaps that can be for self-defense. Gosh, I love fruit snacks, man. Oh, they’re so good. I can’t wait until the distant future when all food is like this. When all food is fruit snacks? Yeah. This is a good idea. And it was yours. Oh yes, yes, yes. Which I’d like to take credit for. Well. It’s very pretty. When we brought this thing out a second ago, Kalyn got really excited. You were like, why can’t we have gummy fruit phone cases? They look cute I could definitely see like- I just don’t think it’s gonna last. Like one that is not actually edible being like a novelty case, but let’s not lose sight of the prize here which is the edibility of it. That is true. So you’d really be going through these left and right. Yeah, I can’t imagine that they would hold up too well, especially if your hands get a little clammy, which mine do. But you know, if you’re eating ’em fast enough, I feel like it’s the same thing with edible underwear. You won’t have to worry about it getting sticky. Right, right. Yeah. Eat it fast enough. And then you just have a bare phone. All right, what else you got? Well, how are you guys at keeping secrets? I’m really good at it because I just say, you know what? I’m just gonna forget that I even know that. That’s one of my best talents, forgetting I know things. Here’s the one thing I will say about that technique. I will say that traditionally, you’re pretty good at keeping a secret. However- I don’t remember the secret. When you do actually have the secret in there but you’ve forgotten that it’s a secret, that’s a very dangerous situation to be in. And that’s happened a couple of times. Oh really? Yeah. Like what? Yeah, I mean, what you said about Sandra Bullock earlier today You said things about Sandra Bullock? Oh really? You didn’t know that was a secret. And now everybody knows. Well it was your secret, but you told me. Well, yeah, ’cause you’re my friend. Yeah. It wasn’t a secret to me. I told you my Sandy secret. I didn’t realize it was a secret. Point taken. Well, for when we can’t share our Sandy secrets, we have to go somewhere with them. Now, I didn’t keep a diary as a kid because that’s how they get you. But I feel like if you have- What, who? You’re talking about parents. The press? The press, your parents, anybody. The FBI. The press. You literally didn’t keep a journal because you knew somebody would read it. No, see, listen, I love my mom, but I’m an only child and the first time I ever got a phone. Yeah. I was texting my friends about stuff and the next day I woke up and she was like, hey did you pack those earrings to bring for your friend and this, that and the other? She was involved. So, that is how they get you. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, she didn’t play it cool enough. No, no, no. She blew her cover. She was too excited for me, I think. So, we have to go somewhere with our secrets is my point. Okay. Into Pop Tarts? Exactly, a puff pastry diary. So, gentle people. A pop tart is a puff pastry? Indeed. What? No, no, no. What is this? No, this is like paper. You write on it. You do. Oh, so you put, okay, so it’s a normal Pop Tart on this side but then this side has a writeable surface. Yes, and what our writing utensil will be is chocolate icing. This feels like it might be not worth the trouble. Well, the point is we’re gonna make our confessions and then we’re going to eat the evidence. Okay. Oh, that’s little. What are you gonna say? What are you confessing? S. T. What does that say? Hold on, don’t. Maybe the point is to not be able to read it. Don’t share my secrets. Oh, I see where you’re going with this. I think you could just do an acronym from here on out. Yeah, okay. I mean, if your parents found this, they probably wouldn’t know what you’d said. So it’s not that big of a deal. I think they’d probably read the first word and think it was better not known. Oh gosh, look how much leakage you got on top. Stink make me horny. Look, dude. See, see? Case and point. Case and point. Look at that. Oh, you gonna write something? Not now. I’ll write one. Yeah, write one. Come on. Yeah, you do have a lot of leakage up there. I didn’t keep a diary. When I got into- Stink make me horny. College. It could be like if I had an oh, stink, mom, horny. What? I’m just saying it might be misinterpreted. Like a stepmom situation? What are you talking about? I’m just saying if you add an o, it says stink mom horny. I don’t know what it means. Okay, careful. You got a little leakage down here. I kept a journal starting in college, oh gosh. You got the same thing going on. You did it, too. Oh my gosh, that is a chocolate worm. Everybody knows if you’ve been writing secrets around here. Oh my gosh. Naajia, what kind of secrets are you got? That is so nasty. That is visceral. Oh, it’s dripping. Well, thank you. Thank you, KG. Okay. What’d you write though? Do you keep a journal these days? I’ll tell you but I have to give a disclaimer that this is not about me. I went for. Oh wow, that’s very beautiful. Thank you. A dog is thinking about- Thinking about stinking Thinking about stinking. It’s a secret. Put that on a t-shirt. It’s a secret about my cat. I mean, I’ll tell you guys because you- You did it in like hieroglyphic form? Yeah, maybe. Maybe this will give him the hint, but I get a little bit embarrassed when we go to the vet and he starts to get scared and then smell like belly buttons and earring backs. Oh, he stinks once he? He gets scared, yeah. Oh, something comes out of him. Nothing comes out of him, just the smell. But I don’t know that he knows that I can smell it. Hold on, like where is this stink? Where’s this scared smell coming from? The glands? The butt, I bet. Maybe the glands, ’cause it happens when they take his temperature. What’s your dog, what’s your cat’s name? It’s, you know, it’s Clue. But we do call him- Clue? A bunch of different things. Clueberto, Clubhouse, Cloop is a favorite of mine, but he’s not fond of that one. Might make that vet horny. Okay. You know, there’s a reason they’re in that profession. So you came up with some other ideas as well, right? Of things that could become food. I did indeed. And you know, hopefully one day I’ll live long enough to see these become a reality. One of them is a lunch box made of bread. Oh, so like a bread bowl, but it’s a box. That’s a good idea. And it has a handle. Do you have one? I don’t have one, sadly. Okay. Not yet. All right, hit us again. Another one. Another one is a hard candy helmet. Oh. I mean, it’s definitely like breakaway. Oh, for sure. Well, and it can have marshmallow lining. Hard candy helmet. You have to have the shock absorbency so marshmallow lining, ’cause you know technically, when you’re in a helmet, I don’t know if you know this Mr. mountain biker man, but like, if you’re helmet takes a hit- Gotta get a new helmet, yeah. You gotta get a new one. How hard, though? I hit my head yesterday. What you hit your head yesterday? In my helmet, yeah. On what? A tree limb. Pretty hard actually. Really? Right down the top of my head. And I was like, man, I’m glad I’m wearing a helmet. I just wish I could eat it now. Did you inspect it? No, I didn’t. How cool would it be if it would crush and then there would be like flaky hard candy that you could just then stop on the trail and enjoy yourself. A little sugar rush, that would’ve helped. You’d be a little bit sad that your helmet’s broken, but a little less said. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you get new one. If you have to replace it anyway. Different flavor. Point taken. Yeah. Absolutely. Another one that I had had was fruit roll up gloves. Okay. Fruit roll up gloves. So very, very sticky gloves. Well, yeah, if your hands are clammy. That could work. And then, so then you’re just like, I mean I like to bite my fingernails. So that might be tempting for you. It’s a nasty habit. I think that would be nice. Like eating the whole, and sometimes I’ll eat the flesh around my fingernails. That’s gross, right? Yeah. That should have been your Pop Tart secret. You mean the cuticles? The cuticles. Eating your cuticles? I’ll like eat the you the sides of it. You’ll eat it? Like you will consume the flesh around your fingernails? Well, don’t let it go to waste. Forbidden jerky. I mean, it’s just nice to chew on. Usually I’ll spit it out. It’s just nice to chew on. Maybe I’ll eat it, too. It’s real nice to chew on. Man, I’d like to eat the whole flesh off my hand. Wow. With your idea, this is possible. You know what? I didn’t know you needed a gateway idea to make that possible, but I’m glad I could do that for you. All right. I didn’t know I should be embarrassed about eating myself. Okay, here’s a question for you. Eating your skin? Eating your own skin? What if? Consuming your own flesh? I know it’s gross. What if I came to you? You have a little chocolate on your nose. What if I came to you and I said, all right, these are your two choices. Do I have anymore chocolate on my nose? I’m gonna cut your hand off And feed it to me? And you have to eat it. Or I’m gonna cut your hand off, but you have to trade it with somebody else who cut their hand off. So in other words, in both scenarios, you’re getting your hand cut off, but now you’re choosing between eating your own hand or eating a stranger’s hand. Would you rather eat your own hand or a stranger’s hand? But either way, you’re losing a hand and you’re eating a hand. Do you get to pick whose hand it is? It’s a good hand. It’s a hand model. Oh, so I don’t get to see the rest of where the hand came from. Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with the hand. It’s not like they’ve been doing weird stuff with their hand other than modeling. They’ve had a good hand. It’s just, you’ve said you would like to eat your own hand and I’m just like, interesting. Do you really mean that? And would you rather eat a stranger’s hand or your own hand given the opportunity? You have to do it, though. There’s no out in this situation. Is it, how’s it prepared? Josh does it however you want. I mean, it still looks like a hand. He asked you how hand-like would you like this to be? He’s like, I could take this. I can take the meat off. I can grind it up and put it into a lasagna. It can be in a lasagna. It’s not just like a boiled hand. It’s not like back in the days when Chase would just boil something and give it to us. I think I would like my own hand. You’d prefer your own hand rather than a stranger’s hand? Because it’s a human. It’s like, I’ve eaten human, I ate someone’s hand in a lasagna. Who’s hand? That’s, ugh, that’s Frank. My own. Yeah, it was my own hand. Go with what you know. Go with what I know. What about you, Naajia? Are you picking your own? On my own, you whip out your hand that doesn’t exist anymore and that’s the finale of the conversation. Whose hand? My own. My own hand in a lasagna. Which one would you pick? You know, maybe if you could say that I could pick the hand, right? Like, I don’t know, maybe Josh’s hand is extra seasoned, right? I’m sure it is. You mean, oh, just like over time just ’cause of all the food he’s touched. Exactly. Like a well-seasoned pan. I think I’d definitely eat a stranger’s hand ’cause it feels like it’s just a little bit like more removed, you know? Well, it was removed. Just ’cause it feels like, okay, human is an animal, I don’t want to eat an animal that I have a relationship with, but I do eat animals. Okay, it’s a hand, it’s in a lasagna, but my own hand? I have to like live with that for the rest of my life that I ate my own hand? For even more everyday items that should be edible, read the full article at Sporked.com.