Welcome to “Good Mythical More”. We here at Mythical value open dialogue, candor in all conversations, respect, and above all else, no a-holes. Except- You. Me, sometimes when I’m grumpy. Right. So we gladly accept the anonymous, intimate questions of our crew, and we will answer them without even reviewing them ahead of time. We don’t know what’s in here. Wow, I’m excited for that. We don’t know what we’re gonna say, but it’s gonna be intimate. You know who else is excited? Ashley Norwell. They repped that merch out in the wild, with #merchicality. And you know what you’re gonna get? You’re gonna get $50 that you can spend at mythical.com. What? Go over there. That’s a nice looking shirt. That’s one of the ones that, yeah, that was a nice one. In no particular order. Good God, they’ve put it in big print for you. At what point is it okay to poop in front of your partner? When- Day one. When you’ve really gotta go. Yeah, I think in front of your partner. Can we shift slightly into a pre-poop conversation? Fart? Yeah. I talked about this on BFBA one episode. I know a couple who’s been together, lesbian couple, who’s been together for some years, who’ve never farted in front of each other. Never tooted. I know a couple- Or tooted, sorry, excuse, oh sorry- I know a hetero couple that has done the same thing. Okay, can we- So it’s not a lesbian thing. Dive in there first? Because pooping is going a step further. But there’s some physical- Well, you wanna go the way, pooping on your partner, now that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that’s actually- When are we gonna get into that? Every anniversary that Cassie and I have, we joke that it’s the ‘pooping on your chest’ anniversary. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. So you mark the date on your calendar and you celebrate it every year? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that 25th? That’s coming up for me. No, but okay, I don’t understand the physical nature of the farting situation. You mean like how is it physically possible? Yeah, yeah. Well, it’s not, it’s just people have perfected the silent but violent. No, I don’t think that’s true. Because what would the point be? Or they exit the room. You’re saying that some couples are like, “No audible farting.” but no. Well, okay, you got a point. But sometimes it depends on what you ate, and if you had a test fart within 30 minutes before. If you had a what? A test fart. A test fart Stevie, gah. You know what a test fart is? If I’m getting on a plane, for instance, I’ll do a test fart somewhere in the airport. Does that involve bending over quickly? No, I just I fart and I stay still, and I smell and I’m like, “Okay, they’re not that bad today.” So if I have to fart on the plane I’ll do it. You don’t like, burr, and then circle it? Sometimes I circle. Yeah, well, I’ll give you a, okay. How does a test fart work? If you really wanna get technical about it. What is the anatomy? As a tall man, so I’ll be, maybe- The Pilates of a test fart. You can’t make it obvious, I’ll be at the magazine store at the airport. That’s where other people stand. Checking out- oh no, I’m by myself, I’m in a corner. I’m checking out the latest Cosmo, and I’m just looking, and then I release, and then I drop my keys. And you have to smell through the drop. You don’t actually have to drop your keys, just look like you- Drop, you want to go right through the fart cloud, and if it doesn’t smell then you can on the plane. If it does, you don’t fart on the plane, you do that in the bathroom on the plane. With breathing that deep, you hoovered the whole thing up. Yeah, well dude, I wanted you to hear it, technically I would just be just a nice little. You know, like that. So, back to the question at hand. All right, so what have we learned today already? I’ve never in my life heard of a test fart. Fart test. So you’re saying you can implement this before dating someone for a long period of time? I’m going on my first date and I need to do a test fart, where’s the nearest airport? I think that the couples who do not fart in front of each other are technically test farting. Mm. To know if it’s gonna be silent but violent. For years? Couples who start together fart together, that’s what it should be. I know a couple that has been married for 25 years, and they do not, I don’t know if they’ve never farted in front of each other, but as a policy, they do not fart in front of each other. And they definitely do not poop in front of each other, and they say that it’s to keep the romance alive. And they’re not weird. I respect that. They’re not, they do fight, they have arguments, they’ve got a healthy communication. But how do you end a fight- But they’ve made a choice. If you can’t fart in front of each other? Because that’s how I always punctuate the ending of a fight. Well, that’s your choice. Burr. A fight fart. Well, I guess early in my marriage I would’ve said, oh, or before I got married. I would’ve said, “But that level of intimacy is what it’s all about, being able to fart openly.” You know, 20 something years into marriage, I could be like, “Well maybe we don’t need a fart in front of each other.” Yeah. I think I’ve gone full circle. Full circle. On the poop- Just like smelling your own fart, full circle. You’ve gotta be able to go in the bathroom when the other person’s pooping, just from a practical standpoint. But Christie definitely gave me a lecture, she was like, “There’s other toilets in this house.” You have a toilet that’s kind of open in the bathroom. That is incorrect, from a practical standpoint, you do not need to be able to go into the bathroom when your partner’s pooping. Yes, you do Stevie, sometimes. Is this the difference between a lesbian relationship and a heterosexual relationship? If your sink is in the same room as your toilet. Yeah, we have one bathroom. We’ve been together 12 years, we’ve never been in the bathroom together when the other one’s pooping. You’ve never needed something from the bathroom right then? Yeah, what about having to poop? Oh, a dual poop? No, I mean what happens- Simultaneous poop? What happens when y’all been out on a date, and you both gotta poop, and you got one bathroom? It’s just always worked out. Who’s gotta poop more? I think I do. Sometimes as as an adult you can really wait. My wife always goes first if we get into that situation, we do have another bathroom. That’s good. But if we’re at a hotel situation with one bathroom, because she’s like, “You take too long.” Yeah. So I always get dibs, ‘poop dibs’ we call it. Think about how much longer your intestines are than hers. Yeah, I don’t know, we haven’t measured. Well, you can infer. So I think ultimately the answer to this question is, at what point you together deem it to be okay. And if it’s never okay, then that’s okay. Yeah. Before you get to the next one. As long as you’re on the same page. I wanna see these digital breakdowns of us, that we won because we are- Geniuses. Badasses. What does it even mean? What does it even mean? What does it even mean? Well, it’s about to happen. Digital breakdown. Mm-hmm. Digital breakdown. And here it comes. It has to be broken. And here it comes. It has to be. Oh. Oh. 40%. Three dwarves in a flannel trench coat. 40% test farts. Oh, this is real time. And 40%… 33% hair. 33% hair. Negative 20% chin. This is like a DNA analysis, I get it. A digital breakdown of who you are. This is pretty cool, this is pretty cool. Three dwarves in a flannel trench coat. Negative 20% chin. So I don’t even add up to- I’m only 80% a man. Technically 79. I’m only 79% a man. And the look on your face, like finally that particular pose is put to good use. That pose has been put out there quite a bit. It’s just a bit too sincere for me. Oh, well, let’s see what you’ve got going on. Yeah, what picture did you use of me? Probably the other side of this exact same photo. Pause one second, it might be taking a second. Okay. I think they’re trying to incorporate test farts into my DNA makeup as well. We’re having computer issues because I am currently- Twinkle fingies is- I’m currently connected via cables that you may not have seen when I stood up to do my test fart to Twinkie’s computer. I’m feeling a little buzz. Let’s have another, let’s have another. Let’s have another question. Is it weird to ask someone if they want to have kids on a first date? This is not something I did. I was a junior in high school, but, I mean college. You mean for your wife. With Christie. Your last first date was in college. My last first date- Me too. Was a junior in college. It was 20, 25 years ago. I would say typically, yes. If you really want to have kids on the first date, you should definitely ask. Not to bring this back to a show that we canceled- Do you wanna have kids tonight? But on BFBA, we did have a dating expert on, and it turns out that if you are, you know, in the serious dating pool, you’re on Hinge, you’re on these other apps, she says, and they say that you, if you’re not looking to just hook up with people, if you wanna find somebody, you’d have to get all those things out of the way on the first date. Just like, put it out there. Like, these are the things that I’m looking for. That’s what dating profiles are for now. Right? I don’t think that, I don’t know if there’s a- is there a have kids? There is a have kids- I’m sure there is on certain services. I wanna have kids one day. So it’s just like you weed out the people who definitely are opposed to kids. Exactly, yeah. I mean, you brought up your podcast twice. I mean it’s- That’s what I’m saying, I said- People should have listened to it. Yeah, if you wanna know about farting, pooping, and what was this? Kids? Yeah. Mm, go listen to the podcast that is no longer happening. Right. But there’s but those episodes are still ready for you. So yeah, I agree with you guys about this. This is definitely something that, but in just like a getting to know you situation, like out of the blue, asking that question could be perceived as a little coming on kind of strong. This is, you ready for the thing? Yeah. Alright, well here’s the question first. Is it okay to keep your socks on? Well. It’s very uh, this is gonna take some thinking. While smelling your farts, or? Let’s come back to this. Alright, can we see my- Oh yeah, I don’t like to look at me. 8% glasses. 60% second guessing himself whenever correct. 15% lesbian obsessed. 17% peanut butter. Am I lesbian obsessed? I’m wouldn’t say I’m lesbian obsessed. I found out that Weezer had a song on the Pinkerton album about being obsessed with a lesbian- Oh. And realizing that that wasn’t gonna work out because- Oh. I thought you were gonna say, I found out that Weezer was lesbian. Yeah, Weezer’s- Did y’all know that? Just a bunch of lesbians. This whole time, Weezer’s been lesbians. Am I lesbian obsessed, or are we still, are we trying to push that merch line still or? I guess I’m lesbian fond. Everybody knows I love lesbians. Yeah. I also love keeping my socks on. Like, I think I’m coming to grips with the fact that I’m gonna become a house where nobody wears their shoes in the house. Because I finally thought about it, and I can’t believe it took me this long to think about it. ‘Cause it’s so obvious. I don’t want the bottom of people’s shoes touching the inside of my house. Ooh. So, okay. So making the decision as a family is one thing. Making the decision- Yeah, this is impacting him. Making the decisions for everyone who comes to your house, like that’s, I mean, there are plenty of people that do that. Right. Like everyone in Japan. Yeah, well this isn’t Japan. It, like culturally, it’s understood there that you don’t wear shoes in somebody’s house, right? It should be here. I think this question was intended in the intimate way. Yeah, yeah, this is about sex. Oh. Yeah. I knew that from the beginning, that’s why I said it, but- Sex starts at the front door, Carney, that’s where you’ve been wrong. That’s the answer to the question you asked me earlier today. It ends at the back door, is what I heard. Yeah, it does. Is it okay to keep your socks on? Not for me. I think you can have socks on or a hat on, but not both. Right. I just, I’m fond of my wife’s feet. Yeah. And I’ve told her before, I was like, alright, I gotta see them dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don’t like it. I’m not a foot person, but I’m a Christie’s feet person. That’s, okay. She’s five nine, but her feet are like this small. It’s so strange. It’s very cute. Well, what about the hat though? She’s not much of a hat person, but yeah. No, for you. Oh, I’ve never worn a hat in bed. You haven’t? You should try it. I can’t imagine. Especially a baseball hat backwards. You become a totally different person. Yeah, like I always felt for those people that were like, they really, their look involved a backwards cap. You’ve never worn a cowboy hat? Well, I need to have one like on my bed post so I can just grab it. I went through a fedora phase too. Yeah, that was a big mistake. Yeah, in the bedroom, I’m saying. Bedroom fedora? Yeah, yeah. Bedroom fedora is- when my hair was short, it worked. That’s like- It’s a different era. It was, you know, this is like eight years ago. That’s like, a fedora is like the apparel version of a cold shower. But have you ever looked at yourself naked with just a hat on? Because you probably should to see how it makes you feel. Do you guys remember like, this is before we started working together, and you had that song “Bedroom Fedora”? You remember that one? Yes. Oh yeah. In the key of D. ♪ Mmm ♪ ♪ When it’s time for hanky panky ♪ ♪ And your head is kind of cold ♪ ♪ What do you do ♪ ♪ You grab the fedora ♪ ♪ And then you make sure that no one poos ♪ ♪ ‘Cause that will really ruin the mood ♪ ♪ And you gotta make sure ♪ ♪ That don’t ruin the mood ♪ ♪ So just put your hat on ♪ ♪ Take your socks off ♪ ♪ And get right down to the business ♪ Alright. The crew is getting their answers. Yeah, they are. Rank the five senses by sexual importance. Wow. Good Granny. You know, this is giving me GME vibes, almost. “Good Mythical Evening” will return. It’s kinda like the end of those Marvel movies. Like Thor will return. It’s like really though? I mean, he’s been in a lot of movies. Are you sure you? Well, it’s Chris Hemsworth. You know, he started to get funnier when you’re working with Taika Waititi. Taika Waititi. So yeah. My, yeah, Thor will return. GME will return. I don’t know if this is, I think this is an impossible task. Let’s go, let’s start with touch. I think we gotta start with touch, and then I think we need to go- For you, you can go to smell. No, I think we should- I’ll go to sight. And then what’s the other one, taste? I’m eliminating- You’re ‘liminating? I’m eliminating one. He’s ‘liminating. There’s one you can do without. ‘Cause it tastes like lemonade. Taste. No. I feel like- Sound. No, no, you know what? I think you’re right, Link. I think you’re right. You just learned everything you need to know about Link. He said the one thing that you can eliminate, the one sense that you can eliminate in sex is taste. That’s not what it- Wait, wait, wait, wait. I think Link is right. Get rid of it! That was not my opinion. Hold on, I think we need to take this card- He was talking about lemonade. We need to take this card and we need to save it for GMA after show. Yeah. GME after show. That’s the tease right there. I’m afraid I can’t get as detailed as I would like to. I think we need to save that one too. ‘Cause I can’t tell that story. Oh. Have you ever surprised your wife by wearing a trench coat with nothing underneath? I do not own a trench coat. Apparently you’re 33% trench coat. Well, this is the thing. If you wear a fedora and a trench coat at the same time, now you’re an investigator. Right. And if you’re naked under there- So that can be alarming to your wife. If you knock on the bedroom door and all of a sudden she’s like- You’re a naughty investigator. I don’t know, I haven’t seen anything. You know, she will immediately feel incriminated. So you don’t want that. You don’t want that. No, I’ve never done that. I haven’t done that. And we don’t have a trench coat at my house. At what number- We don’t have any trenches. At what number of dates is it appropriate to poop in your date’s bathroom? Okay. Y’all are obsessed with this. Y’all are obsessed with this. Yeah. Y’all want to poop. The crew wants to poop in front of people. Everybody has gotta poop. Everybody poops. You better be bringing your own Poo-Pourri. I would think, I mean, just- Don’t poop unless, you gotta check for toilet paper, you gotta check for air freshener, and you gotta check for an exit. Like a second exit in case something goes really wrong. Like a window. Like through a window. You can exit through the window. And once you check those three things, then you can poop. If those three things exist, you can poop at your date’s house. Yeah. And, but you need to run the water while you’re doing it. Well then they, oh, that’s a dead giveaway. And maybe sing a song. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. You guys remember that song that you sing when you’re pooping at your date’s house? ♪ What’s that sound ♪ ♪ Well, it’s not me ♪ ♪ I’m not pooping in your bathroom, girl ♪ ♪ I’m just watching something on the TV ♪ ♪ That you have in your bathroom ♪ ♪ That’s kind of weird ♪ ♪ I usually just use my phone ♪ ♪ I was just washing my hands ♪ ♪ And throwing coins in the toilet ♪ ♪ Plop, plop, plop ♪ ♪ Coins in the toilet ♪ ♪ Plop, plop, plop ♪ ♪ Make a wish that this date will end well ♪ ♪ Throwing coins in the toilet ♪ ♪ Plop, plop, plop ♪ ♪ And now I’m going out the window ♪ Join 3rd Degree monthly by April 30th to get the “My Hair” song update on vinyl. Visit mythical society.com.