Welcome to Good Mythical More. What’s a conversation about the best superpowers without the balancing conversation of the dumbest superpowers? We’re gonna have that now. But first, congratulations Merchicality winner TJ. You sported that merch out in the wild, and you posted it with #Merchicality, we found you, we tracked you down, and we’re gonna send you $50, that you can go over to Mythical.com and get some more merch with. Pub trivia and onion rings. That’s a wild night. Wild night. Are you guys feeling a little chilly? Because I am, lemme just turn on this fireplace. Wsh! Oh! Hey! Hold on, wait, Stevie. We’re not supposed to actually burn fire in that fireplace, it’s a picture place. Yeah, the fire marshal said we can’t do that. Oh. Can someone turn that off, please? Oh, you don’t have the power of uncombustion. Actually, that’s the only power I have, is to ask other people to do something, please. Ah, so jealous you’ve got that power. It’s a good power. The polite persuasion. Polite power. Polite power. That sounds like a regime that’s about to take over, but yeah. What do you guys think is the most useless superpower? From that list, I guess we’ll start. Let’s just start from the list we just reviewed, what’s the most useless? Oh. Well they removed it, I can’t see it anymore. I don’t know, I’m not… Honestly, the one I was thinking about was like, removing hangnails. Is useless? ‘Cause you can just do it yourself. Yeah, it’s like why would you need to be really good at that when anybody can do it? Sometimes they’re really hard. You know? It is scary, isn’t it? It’s like, “I’m pulling on this, but I’m gonna pull in such a way that’s like…” You can’t unzip a hangnail. You gotta like… You gotta bring some cutting devices into it, right? Even though you think you’re just gonna rip that thing off, woo, that feeling, that’s not a good feeling. The ability to look at somebody and tell how tall they are. Because that’s something that people do, and it’s actually, it’s not just a superpower, it’s like an intuitive thing that some people have. Like a carnie? But then, yeah, exactly. Not you. But I guess… I don’t think that’s one of the things they do at the carnivals anymore. I don’t think they ever did height. It’s not sensational. They did weight. They probably don’t do weight anymore. Okay, luckily, the Mythical Beasts had some more creative answers of what their most useless superpower. Our answers suck. I mean, I didn’t say that. These are submitted… Okay. Oh, watch out! Over there! At the couch! On the left side! Lower. It’s on fire! Wsh! Wow, Stevie. That’s cool, the way that you do that. You’re burning the couch! Man. Could someone please go put that out? You really command the elements, you know? It’s ’cause when I go “wsh” that’s when it happens. That’s when it happens. It’s just combustion, it’s not all the elements. Yeah. It’s just combustion. Don’t get her… The element. @Y_O_L_O_M_C_M says “You can only be invisible as long as you fart. However long the fart lasts is how long you’re invisible.” Oh, wow, so as soon as it’s done, everyone is looking at you. You disappeared. Or, I mean, typically when you hear a fart, by the time you look, the fart’s over. So it’s just like, it’s just gonna seem like, I heard a fart, and I look, and there you are. Except that situation that we had in 11th grade. Yeah, you’re talking about Tommy? Yeah. I mean… Tommy started farting- Okay, hey. There was a guy who started farting in English class, and it lasted so long that by the time he was done, everyone was looking at him. Yeah, just watching it finish. And… Just rumbling in his seat. This wouldn’t have helped him. Other than, it went so long, that when you would look, you’d be like “Oh, he’s not here.” And then maybe he would appear later. But, I guess if you’re looking at the place where the fart’s coming from… If you could learn how to do really really long silent farts, which if you had this ability, you could train your anus. You’d train. Tranus. And it would just be really really small, and really really really, you would be eating the right kinds of foods. Just be seeping out constantly. Yeah. Could you train yourself to be constantly seeping out fart? Probably, yeah. I mean, if you could be invisible, yeah. The Seeper, I think is what she would be called. The Invisible Seeper. Yeah, this might not be too bad, the more I think about it. Not bad at all, Mary Cullen McVay. You were wrong. How about the ability to turn wine into water? From @PanicAtTheTato. That is a dumb superpower, Jenn, you’re right about this. Turn wine into water. I don’t know, man. At a certain survival point, could you be with a bunch of wine, and only need water? Yeah, like, the world ends, you break into BevMo!, think about it, man. Water for days. And it’s all nice and sealed up and bottled. Or if you’re like, you’re on your way to some exclusive album release listening party in Death Valley, and you’re bringing all the wine. And yet, you took a wrong turn at the Lippincott Pass, and then you’re all of a sudden, you’re stranded for days. People die out there. That’s a scenario… Following Google Maps through like… I think a lot about. “Oh, Google Maps is telling me it’s still quicker to go over this mountain. On a mining pass.” And they die. Because they can’t turn their wine into water. Whole families die that way. Which happened. Look it up. It’s still pretty useless. It’s like the opposite of Jesus. You know sometimes, when you want, like you’re in a group of people, everyone’s drinking, and like you wanna seem like you’re drinking? Well… yeah. Just to fit in, but you don’t wanna be three sheets to the wind? Right. So it’s still purple? It’s purple water? I didn’t say that. It’s actually water, but like… Is the water still purple, that’s what I wanna know. No, but it’s when you’re drinking out of a stein that you can’t see in. Drinking wine out of, you know, a wine stein. Oh. So you’re in Germany or something? I don’t know where you’re at. I think you can bring your stein anywhere- They don’t have wine in Germany, they only have beer. I think you’re wrong about that. This one sucks, Jenn. This is… You got it, you’re right. This is a candidate. This is a candidate for the worst. That’s a dumb superpower. The ability to float. You’re obviously a drunk. For submitting that. Go ahead. You said “You’re obviously a drunk”? Is that what you said? I was talking to Jenn. Okay. Out of all the dumb superpowers you can make up, that’s the one? You need to re-evaluate your relationship with wine. You wanted to just insult her. Yeah. Okay, good. Done. “The ability to float, but not high enough that anyone notices. Talking like 1/32 off the ground,” what? Inches? Of an inch? Oh, you’re talking about air hockey float. “And you still gotta walk normal, too.” Is the air hockey table on? Is it on? Oh, it’s not on. No, I think you would have fun by yourself like this. You think that no one would notice, but because of the principle that you’re describing in air hockey, when you activated this, it would be like having wheelies, and everybody knows everyone wants wheelies. But they don’t want actual wheelies. No, but just think about it, if you… So they, yeah. “How’s that guy doing that?” I don’t know, this is actually pretty awesome. And also, there are people who, from a moral standpoint, don’t wanna kill bugs and stuff, and step on things. So you activate this, and, you ain’t killing much. I mean, I guess some beetles would die. 1/32 of an inch off the ground is… That’s enough for an ant to live. That’s maybe enough for an ant to live, but it’s not enough to have fun on any irregular ground. I mean, it’s gotta be very smooth. It really needs to be an air hockey table. You’re gonna have to walk on air hockey tables, in order to experience this. 1/32. What about just walking on regular flat ground? It could be flat. You could turn anything into an air hockey table. But it couldn’t be, you couldn’t do it in nature. Yeah, as soon as Google Maps tells you to turn, go over that deserted mountain… Lippincott Pass. Yeah. Yeah. There’s no floating there, you can’t use it. You’ll be there with that dead family. Yeah. Right. This one kinda sucks, but there’s certain situations when it’s very fun, and if you can look like you’re constantly sliding, you’re winning at life. So Joe, you’re wrong about this. Yeah, this is actually awesome. You don’t wanna say anything to Joe that’s hurtful? You’re obviously a drunk, Joe. Yeah. You’re a drunk. ‘Kay, ‘kay. Well, this one’s from Davin. “The ability to not sprinkle when you tinkle.” Wow. You got a problem with that, Davin? You sprinkle when you tinkle? No comment? Well you’ve already commented. You tweeted it. Let’s just be honest here, sometimes you can’t help it. If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat. Sometimes you can’t help it. A lot of times it depends on the previous evening’s activities. I think it has to depend on the nozzle setting. Like do you have a sprinkle setting and a stream setting, and then you’ve got a gentle spray? No, I know you do after you peed for so long, ’cause you got it to be so tight. Yeah. I’ve got the on the end of my garden gun. Sometimes you forget what happened last night, and then, all of a sudden, you got multiple streams you’re trying to handle. It’s been defined. I should be sitting down. It’s been defined. Should be sitting down. This would come in handy, so this is actually not a bad thing. Oh, no! The neon sign is on fire, wsh! Don’t do it, Stevie. Oh, too late. Why are you acting like you’re reacting to what you’re about to do? “Oh no, I’m about to set that on fire!” Could someone please put that out? Also, Stevie, just, you know, as you develop the superpower, a couple of pointers. One is, you might not wanna say it’s on fire, and then make your noise. Yeah. Okay? Maybe just make the noise, and then we’ll see that it’s on fire. It’s a red flag when you’re about to use your superpower, and the first thing you say is “Oh, no.” Yeah. Well, she’s still adjusting to it. Davin, sit down to pee, son, come on, man. Okay. Just sit down to pee. I do it. There’s no shame in it. It’s cleaner. “The ability to squirt bubbles out of your ears.” From @jainahancock. The verb choice here. Sucka. “Squirt bubbles.” Like… Well they are wet, by definition. I don’t think you squirt bubbles, though. You technically blow ’em, but I think squirting bubbles is actually what is happening in a technical sense, because bubbles are made of liquid. But it’s implying the squeezing of something, which, you’re squeezing your inner ear? And it makes a noise. I think you’re gonna have hearing damage. Well I think it’s implied that this is a superpower, so you can do this. Squirt bubbles out of your ears. I mean, this is playful. I mean, if you were a preschool attendant, this could work. Well we gotta take this seriously, ’cause it’s coming from a Hancock, sucker. Yeah, it is Jaina Hancock. Yeah. Jana? Jina? Jina. Jina. Sorry. It’s not Jina. J-A-I is Jai, N-A is na. It’s probably Jaina. Jina. It’s probably Jaina. Jina Hancock. Even if it was Jina at some point, it’s probably Jaina now. Not only does she have a Hancock, but she’s got a Jina. In her name. Wow. You’ve got quite a name. You can squirt bubbles out of your ears. Anywhere you want. Anywhere you want. Is it soapy? I mean, is this something that could help with spot cleaning? You’d be good with kids. That’s what I said, preschool. Yeah. Babies love bubbles. Okay, this last one is from- So this one isn’t bad, Jina. Reddit. Reddit user BumperE. “The ability to turn hamburgers into pocket lint.” Okay, now this is a candidate. That was a good one. See… Wow, to turn something that everybody likes, or most people do, into something that nobody needs that much of. Pocket lint is really only good for starting fires, as a matter of fact, Stevie. Oh my goodness. So you want…? Mm-hm. No, I don’t need pocket lint. Can I throw some pocket lint over there, in the middle of the space, and then, maybe you can just light it on fire? That’s cool. Oh, I thought you just wanted to throw it. I guess so. Look at it. Shoo! Oh, that was better. You got our attention. Well, ’cause I used “Oh no” last time, I didn’t wanna… That was the “Look at it” and then “Shoo” and then it happened. Yeah, yeah. Shoo. Could someone please put that out? Thank you. Now, listen. I gotta say, this could be kinda cool if you were a vegan, and you were like, the kinda vegan that’s a little bit disruptive. So you’re like “I’m gonna go to McDonald’s, and I’m gonna turn all the hamburgers into pocket lint. As my protest for the day.” That would be wild. And if you were in the middle of eating it, it’s like “Ah!” Like think about that. This actually, in a protesting type way, like a, for the vegan cause, like this would actually be a great superpower. You would be the most popular vegan. Is vegan a cause or is it a lifestyle? I mean, I think that’s… Both. It could be either, but I think… Let’s just make it a lifestyle. Well you can’t make it what you want it to be. Can y’all just make that a lifestyle, and not a cause? It’s a cause, man. And, this would be a really- Does it affect cheeseburgers too? Because, that’s when I’ma start, I’m not threatened by this, but if you add cheese to a hamburger… If you put the cheese on a hamburger, the pocket lint guy can’t do anything about it. Okay, so that’s his archnemesis. Cheeseburgers. So he’s like knocking Whoppers out left and right, but a Whopper with cheese… Which you do have to ask for. That makes me hungry. Knocking Whoppers. I like that. On the daily. I’m fine with this, actually. I’m fine with this, ’cause I have a workaround. You know? It’s good for the vegans, it doesn’t impact me if I order the right thing. See, everybody wins. It’s a lifestyle. Not a cause. So, I think what we’ve learned today is that, you basically, it’s really difficult for any type of superpower to be bad in all scenarios. Yeah. You can always find something. And think about that today, that’s the lesson for the day. There’s something about you that’s different. There’s something about you that’s super. There’s something about you that’s a real superpower, that makes you you. Go out in the world today. Turn those hamburgers into lint. Yeah, use your superpower. I like that, Rhett. Join third degree quarterly or annual by June 30th to get our My Hair Goes song remake on vinyl. MythicalSociety.com.