Welcome to “Good Mythical More.” We fancy ourselves as fancy advice givers. Yes. We give the fanciest of advice, but is it the best advice? Is it better than the advice that AI could generate? I hope not. I hope so. I hope so. Well, the AI’s getting better all the time. I hope so. Well, no. We want the AI to get smarter and smarter, man, so it can solve our problems. I don’t know about that. But first, let’s list ’em all. Okay. Stephen King movies. “It.” “Pet Sematary.” “The Road to Perdition.” “The Shining.” “The Green Mile.” Um… Ah. What’s the one about the bubble? “Kong: Skull Island.” The bubble. That was a series. It was called “The Dome.” What about… What about the one, the scary one, where he was, you know, he was snorting cocaine and writing about it. Yeah, that was “The Shining.” Oh. Yeah. I think it was a lot more than that. What about the one? It’s about the… Is it the Tower? “The Dark Tower?” What is it called? Yeah. What about- “What About Bob?” “What about Bob?” I don’t know. My favorite Stephen King. I don’t know. Come on. Give me some more Stephen King. There’s so many good ones! “Shawshank Redemption.” “Shawshank Redemption”! Was “Road to Perdition” one? Or was I thinking it was “Shawshank Redemption”? “Cujo.” “Cujo.” “Salem’s Lot.” “Salem’s Lot.” No, not acceptable. “Pet Sematary.” “Stand by Me.” He said that. I said “Pet Sematary.” What else? Y’all don’t know either? “Misery.” “Misery”! Oh, man! Prolific! He’s so prolific. Kathy Bates. Did you see that one? And he’s still writing all the time. Yes! James Caan. “The Stand.” Who? “The Stand.” The best one. “The Stand”! “The Stand.” That was a big miniseries, right, on television? On the television. Ah, Stephen King. Active on Twitter. Active on Twitter. Doing good. He’s- He’s writing all the time, including tweets. Good for him. All right, let’s outdo some AI now that we’ve outdone Stephen King. Okay, our first problem comes from Mythical Beast @Qeffillin. Qeffillin? Yeah. Oh. “My cat keeps biting people’s nipples, and it’s becoming a problem, especially when there’s guests over or when someone’s trying to sleep. What should I do?” What? Stop feeding your cat nipples. You’re training your cat. So the, okay. Biting nipples? I’m trying to make sense of the subject and the- That’s a tall cat. The guests are sleeping. Is the guest someone that’s trying to sleep? Yeah. So do you have a cat that is biting people’s nipples as they sleep? Yes. It does seem like when someone’s trying to sleep, the nipples are being bitten. Well- Why is that happening? Well, I mean, a cat begins its life by biting- Suckling? Biting a nipple. Cats like to bite. My cat likes to bite. You had a cat… Your cat bite a nipple yet? Sokka’s never bit my nipple but I’ve never presented Sokka with my nipple. Yeah. Do they have guests that are sleeping with exposed nipples? ‘Cause that’s a whole different issue. Yeah, that’s- ‘Cause I think you could probably- I think that’s called a “hostel.” Here’s the thing. Everyone already knows. Wild stuff happens at a hostel. Yeah, yeah. Everyone already knows. Ain’t nobody paying. No. People pay like $5 a night. Everybody knows you cannot control a cat, right? So I think what you gotta do for all guests… You know how when people come into some people’s homes and they take their shoes off? You gotta take people’s shoes off and give ’em a couple of pasties. A couple of pasties. You gotta have free pasties. You could do shoe covers and nip covers, you know? Shoe covers and nip covers. So you’re not taking anything off. You’re just putting stuff on. You get pasties, and then the cat got nothing to nothing to bite. Sokka will just walk up to my… If I’m wearing shorts, Sokka will walk up to my leg and just bite it. Really? Like, slowly. Playful. A playful bite. No, no. It’s not like… It’s more like… Looking up at me. What do you do? Well, I’ve started praising him, because here’s the thing. Okay, I’m interested in this thing. Christy has hated Sokka because Sokka came into our house and started eating all the plants, eviscerating all of her plants. And now she’s eating- Of course, her plants are her babies. I mean, she invests and has relationships and names and Instagram content. She’s naming the plants? Oh, all of that. Wow. And so she hated the cat, and she’s like spraying the cat with water. And then we watched this thing on this cat show, I think on Netflix, and she had this revelation that she was like, “Oh, I need to… I don’t need to reprimand the cat. I need to distract the cat and be nice to the cat.” And so now, when Sokka eviscerates a plant, she goes up to Sokka and is like, “Sokka boy, Sokka boy, let’s do something else.” And it kinda works. “Sokka boy, stop eating my leg.” So basically, we praise the cat for all of the wrong things that he’s doing in the house. And he’s clearly won, I guess. It does help something like, their relationship is so much better, and he doesn’t… He’s not- He’s not eating the plants. He’s not eating the plants anymore. ‘Cause I was gonna say, you could set out some nipples. You just distract the cat. To distract it. And it’s like he never remembers about the thing. You could just have a house full of just nipples. Yeah, but then Christy has to name all the nipples, and she becomes close with the nipples. She’s putting ’em on Instagram. That’s right. She has nipple content on Instagram. “Hey, Sokka boy.” They’re all blurred. “You’re gnawing on a nipple?” Okay. What did AI say about this, Stevie? “Redirect the behavior. Whenever your cat tries to bite someone’s nipple, immediately redirect their attention to an appropriate toy or object. Provide sufficient play and stimulation and ensure your cat has enough mental and physical stimulation throughout the day. Set boundaries and discourage biting. When your cat approaches sensitive areas or starts biting, firmly say ‘no’ and gently remove them from the situation.” Sokka boy! “Reward them when they exhibit appropriate behavior. Address underlying causes. Determine if there are any underlying reasons for the behavior-” Okay. “…such as stress, anxiety-” We lost. “…or territorial issues.” You, as a human, had to go and watch Netflix. Yeah. Right. Think of all that time you wasted, where this computer just knew it already. We quite enjoyed it. Oh, you had a good time? Yeah. Well, that’s the difference between you and a computer. You can have a good time. Right. I had a good time. It’s good to be a human sometimes. Next question, please. The cats are in charge. That’s the moral. @AveryQ20. “My upstairs neighbor tends to get loud at times, especially at night.” Uh-huh. “What are some creative ways to get him to quiet down and get me some more sleep?” Creative ways? “Sokka boy, you’re being too loud up there. What are you doing?” So this seems like… Okay, do you think that AveryQ has confronted this person? It sounds like maybe not thus far. Doesn’t feel like there’s been a conversation yet? Ironically, I think the answer is- Pasties? No. Putting a nipple in his mouth. Close. You get him suckling on a teat with some good milk- With some good milk. Good milk. He’s gonna quiet down. That tryptophan will put him right to sleep. Go right to sleep. All right, so here’s what you’re gonna have to do. That’s our answer. Here’s what you have to do, because I wanna talk about logistics for a second. I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to cut a little door in the ceiling of your apartment. A little door. Season 23 runner. You’re gonna have to get a volunteer, okay? I’ll do it. So Link is gonna… We’re gonna, somehow, we’re gonna get Link to lactate. It’s gonna be a project. I’m investing everything I got into it. Okay. All right. And then we’re gonna stick him up there in your apartment and just wait. And I guarantee you, your neighbor is not gonna make a lot of noise. Oh, you’re gonna stick this. The nipple goes through the door. Oh, it’s a nipple door. It’s a nipple door. Okay. It’s a really little door. All right, it’s a little… Yep. See if the AI came up with a little door. “Dealing with a noisy upstairs neighbor can be challenging, which is why you need a nipple door.” Ay! Nailed it! “Especially when it affects your sleep. While it’s important to approach the situation respectfully, here’s some creative ways to address the issue. One, communicate with your neighbor. Initiate a polite and friendly conversation with your upstairs neighbor to express your concerns. They may not be aware of the noise they’re causing or how it affects you.” Mm-hmm. “Two, offer alternative solutions. Suggest possible solutions to help mitigate the noise issue. For example, you could propose using rugs or carpeting to reduce footstep noise, advising them to move furniture away from shared walls, or recommending the use of noise-dampering materials like acoustic panels or soundproof curtains.” There’s like twice as much here. Why don’t you renovate your house, neighbor? If you bring them a rug though… “I brought you a gift.” A very thick rug. Roll out the red carpet, so to speak? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. There’s some good… I mean, it suggests you could give a small gift that promotes peace and tranquility. Yeah. Such as a white noise machine, a plant. A shut-the-hell-up candle? Or a relaxing CD. What? I’m confused. The AI is using CDs. Yeah, that’s interesting. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that’s- You humans and your CDs. Yeah. Your compact discs. So nothing about a nipple door. Interesting. Okay. All righty. Okay, before we move on to our next question, we would like to bring in a very special guest. Some reinforcements. Trayson! He’s with us today. Let’s bring him in. So we met Trayson today through Make-A-Wish and… Here we go. Here we go. Oh yeah. You coming in in style, man. ♪ Doo doo, doo doo, don’t don’t ♪ Nice. This is Trayson. He’s from Texas. Where? Dallas? Yes, sir. Don’t. I told you not to call me, sir? I know I’m 45. As you know, this is Texas manners. You’ve got good manners. Thank you. You’ve done a good job, Mom. So you’re over there listening to our advice, and what are you thinking? I’m thinking it’s pretty good advice. Exactly. That’s right! Exactly. You heard about that nipple door and you thought, yep, that’s exactly what I would do. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. So I wanna see what you think of our advice for these next few. I mean, you can always add your own advice. All right. All right. Or you can just tell us that ours is better than AI as a baseline. Yeah. You understand the assignment. And I saw you over there. You were getting hopped up on Mountain Dew. You tasted pretty much every flavor that we had. And my understanding is Mountain Dew is your favorite drink already. Yes, sir. Okay, so- You did it again. You’re so polite. Did you have a new favorite after tasting all of them? I did like the Spark pretty good. Okay, all right, so. You see? You see? Confirmed. Trayson agrees with us. Trayson approved. All right, let’s get another question. Pretty good. Pretty good. I didn’t know there was lemonade. Next question comes from @DellDevours. “I shed so much hair every day that I’ve taken to brushing my hair outdoors and letting it float away on the breeze. What do I do if it turns up at some local crime scene?” Oh, this is actually a really, really big conundrum for Del Devours here. I mean, step one might be- Brushing your hair outdoors. …brushing inside. But that would be too easy. That would be too easy. I think you need an alibi. Yeah. You know what? You have to have an all-purpose alibi. I think you gotta go around everywhere brushing your hair. You gotta be known as Del the hair brusher. The outdoor hair brusher. There you go. There you go. See, you got a TikTok account. Yep. Maybe a YouTube channel. Maybe sometimes you do a landscape video. There’s Del again, brushing his hair outdoors. We need footage of you, we need footage of you brushing your hair everywhere. And you’re like, “It’s just kind of my thing, so I probably was there at some point.” Contaminating crime scenes left and right. You can show up at crime scenes and just be like, bro! Just give ’em a good brush. Okay, AI. Do better than that. AI took this very seriously. Of course, there’s four parts to the advice here. A little verbose, AI. Yeah. I’m gonna shorten it a little bit. “One, contain and dispose of hair properly. Two, secure your trash. Ensure that your trash bins are securely closed and not easily accessible to others. This reduces the likelihood of someone else coming across your discarded hair and potentially misinterpreting its presence. Three, be mindful of public spaces. If you’re brushing your hair outdoors, try and avoid public spaces like parks or sidewalks where your hair may be more likely to come into contact with others.” Come on, AI. And then also four is “inform local authorities if necessary. If despite your precautions, you find out that your hair has been found at a crime scene or you receive inquiries from authorities, it’s essential to cooperate fully. Provide them with any information they request and explain the circumstances surrounding your shed hair.” Listen. AI’s already trying to control us. It’s like, don’t go outside and brush your hair. And the humans, we said brush your hair everywhere. So do you see? See the difference here? Trayson, what do you think about Dell showing up at the police department, brushing his hair, and just saying, “I want to turn myself in for the crime of brushing my hair everywhere and I wanna fully cooperate.” Ooh. That’s good. “But I wanna let you know that I’m not I’m not doing any other crimes. My hair is just everywhere. I’m kind of known for that.” Yep. That would be an interesting person. Yeah, my type of guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta turn yourself in. “Yes, officer. I was at the scene of the crime.” “I’m a serial hair brusher.” “But I was only brushing my hair.” Yeah. All right. So who are you siding with? Humans or AI? Uh… Humans. Okay. Yes. And by humans you mean… Us. Yes. All right. What’s the next one, Stevie? Let’s wrap up on a good, human-powered note. @peytonnoe79. Peytonnoe? “I keep waking up with my shirt inside out.” Okay, babe. Okay, all right. I get it. This is- I keep waking up with my shirt inside-out. Now, I’m assuming this is a problem because you go to sleep with it right side out, because if you’re going to sleep with it inside-out and waking up, everything’s good. So I’m just reading into this a little bit. The first place my mind goes is hot flashes. Now, you’re gonna have to call me sir again ’cause I know I’m showing my age, me and my hot flashes. You’ve had hot flashes? No. Well, I’ve woken up in a cold sweat. Okay. Just drenched in a sweat. And I’ve had to change my shirt. And sometimes when you get outta bed and you take your shirt off and you’re asleep, then you’re like, what am I doing? Yeah, it’s dark in the room and you don’t know what you’re doing. And you already have a shirt in your hand. You just put it on. Just put it back on. It really could happen to anyone. This is what’s happening. I think this has happened to me. And then you’re like, “Oh, this is the same shirt. But it’s not as sweaty on this side.” But it feels like this person is not taking their shirt off on purpose. It feels like they suspect that something fishy is going on. So I feel like- Sleepwalking! I feel like what you gotta do is you gotta wear a onesie to bed. And I mean one of those onesies that was popular for like one week in 2013, like the shortsleeve and the shorts onesie. What was that called? Oh, the… Yes, the romper. The romper. And they were like “Men are gonna wear these,” and no one did. And- It’s hard to get that off when you’re sleepwalking. Yeah, if you’re taking stuff off at night and you- Yeah. If you tug one too many times trying to take that off, you’re gonna get, it’s gonna get caught somewhere. You know what I’m saying? At that point, you know. Right. You’ve woken up. And you can make your own romper with just a little thread and a needle if you want to sew your t-shirt to your underwear. Right. And does this romper have nipple doors? Well, hopefully yes. ‘Cause you know how the old ones, they would have a butt flap? You pretty much could solve a lot of world problems with a romper that had nipple doors. Yep. We would solve two of these problems that we’ve had so far. One… The problem with each nipple? Yeah. Well, I mean, if you close the nipple doors, a cat’s not gonna bite ’em. Exactly. Mm-hmm. Folks, I think we are witnessing the most badass appearance on a “Good Mythical Morning” ever. Yeah. Trayson is great. Trayson, it is an honor to have you here. It’s an honor to be here. I appreciate it. And to have your endorsement of all of our opinions. You’re just sitting back waiting to agree with us. It feels really good to me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like it. Okay. Stevie, what did AI say about this, ’cause it’s probably not a romper. Yeah, it gave some options here. Five different things. “One, wear clothes that fit well. Two, use a sleep shirt that’s designated for sleeping.” I don’t know. “Three, adjust your sleeping position. Four, tuck in your shirt.” Well, maybe. So that, yeah. And so. And then five, of close, of close, of course, is “check your shirt before bed. Take a moment to check that your shirt is on correctly before you go to bed.” Right. That could be the problem. This simple step- That’s a good point. …can help prevent waking up with your shirt inside-out in the morning. And then finally, “remember that waking up with your shirt inside out is a minor inconvenience and nothing to worry about.” That’s right. Yeah. You’re probably gonna be all right. The AI has never been more wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. AI can’t even have a shirt. If you can’t- What does it… It doesn’t know what it’s talking about. If you can’t figure out why your shirt’s inside-out, that is not a small deal. That’s what I call a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. Every morning, your shirt’s inside out. Not a big deal. Okay. I think humans win this round again. Yeah, and by humans you mean… Us. Right. Trayson, thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. Give our best to Dallas. I definitely will. Don’t drink too much of that Spark, man. Yeah. Can’t get too much of that. Yes, you can. Today’s the last day to get the My Hair Goes… Vinyl. Join third degree, quarterly, or annual, plus, get 15% off today only using code MYHAIR15.