Good morning everyone. Welcome to Aprons Off, the show where we stop cooking and we just hang out. Today’s a very special episode for me particularly, because we’re tasting fast food. We’re like a morning show now. We all have coffee mugs. This is, I’m a Hoda Cotbee. Yeah. Yeah. We have increasingly weird coffee mugs. I’m one of the Bush twins. We’re tasting fast food cinnamon rolls. We’re gonna rank ’em and tell you which one’s the best. Did one of them get a DUI? I don’t know. Eh, whatever. Trevor, you were saying. I’m sorry. Sorry. No, it’s, I said it. We got it. So we’ve got Cinnabon. Okay. Which you can find in most malls. Carl’s Jr., which you can find in most streets. Pizza Hut, which is Cinnabon delivered by Pizza Hut. Cinnabon does have a lock on most of the cinnamon roll market, if we’re being honest. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Then we’ve got McDonald’s, McCafe and Dunkin’. They’re like cinnamon roll donuts, like hybrid situation. Cool. This is riveting stuff. Like this is really riveting stuff. Can I ask, whose idea was it to taste fast food cinnamon rolls? Nicole, why cinnamon rolls? I don’t know. I think it’s because I had the TikTok sound “It’s a cinnamon roll, it can kill you, can kill you, it’s a cinnamon roll” in my head. And I’m like, well, we just need to eat cinnamon rolls. Folks, welcome to the creative process. This is how it happens. We are geniuses. I have a problem with cinnamon rolls, ’cause I’ll eat them until I’m sick. Yeah. I love cinnamon rolls. One of my favorite like desserty type foods. But I don’t have any self, like I’ll just keep eating it until I want to throw up. Yeah. Like a corgi, right? Yeah. You put out a pile of food in front of a corgi, they will eat themselves to death. What? Yeah. That’s not a corgi fact that most people know? Is that true? I know. The two corgi facts I know are that, and then that the Queen when she died, killed off her line of corgis intentionally. Yeah. She was like, they must not reproduce. They die with me. Anyways, let’s jump into it. Yeah. Are you freaking kidding me? Okay, let’s see the Cinnabon. Oh, the royal family’s not the best. Well, I feel like we should save Cinnabon, ’cause surely it’s the best, right? Okay, do you wanna start with Dunkin’? I do have a general theory that like, the lower quality, the cheaper the cinnamon roll, the better it is. Okay. Right, like fancy cinnamon rolls. I’ve never had a good one. Wow. They’re all like thick and crusty. I want something just small, dense and wet. Yeah. Do you just wanna grab one and eat it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Oh, look at that. Can you put mine directly on- Mine does that too. Whoa. No. Can we not? I just showed Nicole a TikTok of the donut daddy. I don’t know if you’ve seen the donut daddy. He’s very sexual, right? Disgusting. He’s very sexual. It was very sexual. Oh God. If you think that we are laden with like, you know, sexual innuendo in our cooking show, you should watch what some of these freaks on TikTok are doing, man. Yeah. It’s weird. They’re all like, licking the raw salmon. They’re doing a lot. He took a piece of dough, he cut it, he just gave it a little slice down the middle, so that it resembled the butt cheeks. Yeah. And then he straight up just puts his face in it Face plants it. And like, he’s just like . It was weird. And it was, I literally wanted to throw my phone into the LA River. And again, between consenting adults, like that’s all fine and good. But when you’re Nicole- Dough can’t say no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. I wanna throw myself into the LA River. Eat the damn cinnamon roll. I did. It sucks. It is bad. I hate this. Boo. Hold on, hold on. I’ve never had a good taste of food from Dunkin’. I love Dunkin’ because they will sell me a 40 ounce iced coffee. And that is borderline immoral. Any food that I’ve ever had from Dunkin’ has been objectively bad. Yeah. Yeah. Their donuts are, I think, the worst in the game. Yeah. And I love fast food donuts. I love Krispy Kreme. I love chain donuts. This is just like, this is dry. Not a proper cinnamon roll, obviously. It’s like a donut-ified version. Yeah. Yeah. It’s not enjoyable at all. Sucks. No, if I was stuck with, this is a burden, the size of this. If I was stuck with this, I’d be so mad, in a car. I think this is more for like office parties, where you’re gonna be feeding like a ton of people, and like people share the cinnamon rolls. Oh yeah. You want everybody who’s stuck in the same office together, just to be mad to start the day. I get it. Take your cinnamon roll. Okay. Now we’re talking. Now we’re talking. McCafe. McCafe. Would you like the box? Yeah, I’ll take the box. Oh yeah. Covered in cream. This looks good. This is three times heavier than the Dunkin’ one, which is good. It is! It’s wet. You also can’t see, every single like square centimeter is covered in cream. Whoa. Now we’re warming up. Oh my. Wait a sec. Mm. Wait a sec. The frosting is cream cheesy. Is there almond extract? Dude, there’s some artificial extract inside this icing, that gives it this like chemical taste. It is very chemically, I will say, I will say. It does- But in a great way to me. It’s a cream cheese chemical. Is that what it is? I think it’s the cream cheese additive, that is used a lot in like baking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I’m talking about? That weird cream cheese additive? Yeah. Oh, I hate it. Are you talking about the cream cheese extract? Yeah. Cream cheese extract. ‘Cause that’s a thing too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Cream cheese extract. Dude, there’s cream cheese extract in here. It’s vile. I hate- Really? I’m not a big cream cheese frosting guy. I will eat it in like small quantities, but this is vile ’cause it does just like- Why? I don’t know. ‘Cause it tastes like that. It just tastes like that artificial cream cheese flavor. Yep. And it’s like, yeah. I will say, it is definitely better than the Dunkin’ one, so. It is better. A hundred percent. I’m loving this. Yeah. You’re loving it? I give McDonald’s praise. Yeah. I love this. This is incredible. You pop this in the microwave for 15 seconds, you know? Or like you su eat it for like a couple days? Put it in Grimace’s ass. Ew! Ew! Sorry! My fault. They call that going into a G hole. And they say donut daddy’s gross? Man. Grimace is a taste bud, so it’s okay. Grimace. Wait a second- I think I only think donut daddy is gross ’cause in an alternate world, I am him. Did you just say Grimace is a taste bud? Yeah, he’s a taste bud. Is this confirmed by McDonald’s dot com? Yeah. Wait? Yeah, canonically, Grimace is a taste bud. He’s a purple taste bud. Grimace is a lich. No, he’s a taste bud. No, he’s like an undead demon born from sin. Taste buds aren’t purple. Is he like a- He’s a taste bud. Is he a taste bud that like fell off ’cause of necrosis? I don’t know why he’s purple, but he’s a taste bud. Why is he purple? At least according to McDonald’s Twitter. I don’t know what’s going on over there, but he’s a taste bud. Ronald McDonald is not a certified clown. He never did the proper clown training! You think he ever performed tartus? You think he went to a French clowning college? No. The Hamburglar isn’t a real criminal. He’s never committed a crime. He was framed! The Hamburglar was framed. The Hamburglar was doing it for clout. Like John Moray, just waving a gun around . That’s what the Hamburglar does. He’s cos-playing a criminal. So, so far these are- What? This is the worst. Yeah. Yeah. So then we’re just gonna, this is best to worst. Yeah. Should we start ranking it? I think Dunkin’s gonna stay at the worst, man. I don’t think- Surely. Right, bring this over here. You’re not dethrone- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s good. That’s good. We’ll keep Cinnabon there. ‘Cause Cinnabon- We got a lot to get through. That’s a hitter. That’s a hitter. Okay. Coffee break. Coffee break. Coffee break. Okay. I’m a fraud. I- Cheers. I chugged my coffee before we even started. What? I don’t have anything. I almost asked for a refill, but I didn’t wanna get outta the booth. Oh my God. You’re so sweet. Thank you. Spit in it. My pleasure. Wait, what? What a great morning. So this is- Oh, yes! Yes! This looks like Armenian Manti. This is like a dumpling. Nicole, look at that. I’m looking! They’re shoved together, they’re tiny, they’re wet. Cinnamon rolls should be wet. He’s so- I like- Show them. Look at it! Look at it! It looks like a TV dinner. It’s like- Oh yeah. It’s a depressing TV dinner. I love that they’re bite-size. Oh yeah. The BonBalls. I do love that they’re bite-size, because if I can get all the like outside crispy part of a cinnamon roll and the gooey center in one bite, that’s ideal for me. A cinnamon roll should not have texture. No, no, no. Wow. If it has a texture it’s one, and it should be chew and it should be wet. I love these. Alright. Okay. That wins. I love that. Hold on though. Hold on. It’s like if you were doing a burger competition, and like just a tray of wet sliders won, which I would probably want to win, but it would be like if it was like a French toasted slider tray. Really delicious. Is it a cinnamon roll? Yeah. Yeah. It has a, look at it. It’s rolled and has cinnamon in it. Fair, good enough for me. Do I think it tastes a little bit like pizza dough? I was just gonna say that. A little bit, but- Which I kinda love. Do I care? No. What do they mean? Okay. Crafted by Cinnabon, mini rolls, delivered by Pizza Hut. What does that mean? There’s a Cinnabon factory out there and they’re sending Pizza Hut frozen trays of cinnamon rolls. That’s it. That’s the one. But like, it does feel like pizza dough. That doesn’t feel like Cinnabon dough. Did they make them like vaguely pizza dough tasting? I wouldn’t be surprised if like, they had a different dough recipe than the actual Cinnabon buns. Weird. I do. Well, they’re making the dough. Well, okay, I don’t know if this is certain. I wanna get some of the goo. I’m getting this fact from “Better Call Saul”, but they’re making the dough fresh at the Cinnabon, aren’t they? I don’t know. In “Better Call Saul”, they are. Really? ‘Cause he- Saul Goodman. Yeah. Yeah. Bob Odenkirk is at the Cinnabon, he’s the manager, after he’s been, you know his life has been wrecked. Yeah. No, I’ve watched And he’s making the dough fresh. I’ve never watched it. But like they do that at like the Wetzel’s Pretzels. Yeah. They’re making the dough fresh there and they’re swinging it. Are they making the dough or are they just, they get raw dough and they’re like rolling it out? I think they’re making the dough. That’s awesome. I think they’re making giant batches of dough. Cool. Pretty sweet man. I have a question about “Better Call Saul”. Yeah. His name’s Jimmy? Yeah. But he changes it to Saul? When? I haven’t watched it. I’m like three seasons in and I hate it. I don’t wanna keep watching it. It’s like- Please don’t ruin it for me, please don’t ruin it for me. He changes it. No, it’s not a spoiler. He changes it to Saul when like, it’s the moment where he becomes corrupt. Like there’s a point- But like, within “Better Call Saul”, like I’m waiting for the moment where somebody stares at the camera and goes, “You better call Saul”. And no one’s done it in three seasons. No, it’s actually, that’s funny, ’cause there is a moment. It’s when he like leaves the courthouse, after getting his lawyer’s license back, after it got like revoked or something. And he goes, “So good, man”. ‘Cause that’s like his thing. That’s why he calls himself Saul Goodman. That’s what Saul Goodman means? Yeah, like, “So good man”. What are you talking about? I’m not gonna keep watching it, man. It’s such a good show! Carl’s Jr. Wait, hold on, hold on. Where does this rank? Where does this rank? Where does this rank? Um. Right now, number one. One. It’s number one, right? Yeah. Yeah. It’s wet, it’s chewy. Yeah. Okay. We’re moving this here. Oh gosh. Excuse me! Move that over here preliminarily. Oh man, oh man. We’re gonna keep this here right now. Okay. This is number one. Well, you’re confusing me. Trevor, just hold this. I can’t hold it. There’s no space, dude. You’re really confusing me. There’s no confusing. I don’t know. There’s nowhere to put- There’s no confusing. I’m gonna have a panic attack. Okay, so let’s just move this and then let’s also move the card, so people aren’t confused. People at home are not confused. There’s cards up there? Right now in first place, we got Cinnabon Pizza Hut, but I think this can be beat. In second place, we got the old McDonald’s. Okay. The McDonald’s. Okay. And then technically, I think we leave Dunkin’ in last. Let’s just leave it, let’s just leave it. Yeah. We leave Dunkin’ in last. So it’s, okay. No way Dunkin’ beats any of these. Okay. Carl’s Jr. I’m a longtime Carl’s Jr. lover. I think they’re kind of a bit of the forgotten. Ooh! Yeah. Hardee’s, if you’re speaking East coast out here. You put a Western bacon cheeseburger in my hand. Ooh girl! And that’s, I’m gonna just go sicko mode. Um. Going on you with the pick and roll. You know what I’m saying? Why is this so good? It’s really good, right? Wow. This dough feels biscuity. Why is this so good? I’ve never like, had any of these other than the original Cinnabon, by the way. Like I would never get a cinnamon roll at a fast food restaurant. Me either. If I’m there in cinnamon roll time, I’m eating like snausages dipped in ketchup. You know what I mean? Sure. This is really good. This is better than the Pizza Hut ones, in my opinion. I agree. How do you feel, Trevor? It’s hard because like, I think that there would be, you know, different things were these warm. But this is good. I would be fine putting it above Pizza Hut. Look at that crumb. Are you only eating the middle? Look at that. Yeah, I eat the filet. You’re terrible. I don’t eat, I’m not eating the peel of a banana. I had a bite of the outside and then I had the middle. You have to taste all the layers. Fine. Okay. Yeah. Without a doubt, this is the best one. Yeah, we can put this up. Wait, I wanna try the McDonald’s one. I wanna compare like dough to dough. There’s too much frosting on the McDonald’s for me. I agree. This is a better amount of frosting. So the dough in the McDonald’s one is just like a crusty bread. ‘Cause these are like similar, right? It’s the same size, what you think of, like a diner cinnamon roll? Yeah. This dough tastes like old Challah. Challah. This dough, it has that like reinforced pastry feel, where it’s simultaneously dense, where there’s so much fat and dough conditioner in there. Yeah, I will say it’s definitely biscuity-er, but I think it creates a more delicious eating experience. Mm. I’m so scared being in the splash zone. It’s a symphony, I feel like- He’s got so much goo on his hands. I feel like Tar. I feel like Tar from the movie “Tar”. Oh my God, stop waving your hands around. Like Lydia Tar? Lydia Tar. Yeah. Never saw it. Ah, great movie. I know it’s problematic, whatever. Okay, so, we’re gonna- Ooh whatever. And then we do this. Uh-huh. Right? Oh, fudge me. That’s okay. You’re doing really good. Fudge me. Okay. Josh, help him. Josh, you’re- Josh, help him! Oh my God. What’s wrong with you? Oh, you’re a criminal. Have you guys ever seen Mrs. Doubtfire? Like 15 times. You remember when the frosting falls off his face and into the tea? Yeah. I’m doing that with the Cinnabon frosting. What are we eating now? This is just like donut daddy. You are worse than donut daddy. There’s so many boxes on this, there’s so many boxes. Nicole, if you just stop looking at me, then you won’t be offended. You’re so distracting. It’s really hard. Okay, well here’s Cinnabon. Oh, fudge. I think- Oh my God. I’m gonna put this in the middle. Oh, why did we save it for last? Cinnabons are a relic of the past. They’re a beastly anachronism. They’re something that I don’t think could be created today. Right? Just like in the level of like responsibility, in terms of like what humans should or should not be consuming. This is like- Holy shiz. I love this. It’s like BuzzBallz. It’s like, you couldn’t make BuzzBallz today. I’m scared. Or like Four Lokos. This is the Four Loko of food. Every time I walk through a mall and I smell a Cinnabon, there’s like a creature inside me that wakes up and goes, “You need to go, you gotta go to this Cinnabon”. This S-H-I double hockey sticks, is not even close, man. Holy. This is LeBron playing against the middle schoolers. What? You think this is better than Carl’s Jr.? Oh my God. Are you kidding me? Yes. I think this is better than- Nicole, I think the company that launched like a billion dollar cinnamon roll, way across America, is better than Carl’s Jr.? Yeah, I think Cinnabon’s better than Carl’s Jr. The first thing I ate. Can I try the Carl’s Jr. one for comparison? After my junior year of high school, when I- That one’s probably mine. I don’t think you want that. I went to the Philippines for two weeks. I came back and I was in the Toronto, no, the Vancouver airport. First thing I did after landing back in North America, was eat two Cinnabons. Oh my gosh. That’s how they naturalize you back into America. And I tell you what, I felt so disgusting, but it was like the best moment. I was just like, “Oh my God”. You know, sometimes you gotta like get shots to go outta the country? It’s like you have to get a typhoid shot if you go to Thailand. You have to get a Laophoid shot if you go to Laos. Oh my God. To get into America- Does anybody know CPR? To get into America- To get into America, you just have to eat two Cinnabons to get back in. That wasn’t a bit. I legitimately got cinnamon roll stuck in my throat. Do you guys know how some people comment to us and they’re like, “You’re all fake laughing, because what somebody said wasn’t funny enough”. That never happens. Never. It’s all real. The thing is, what you don’t see, is that five minutes before we started filming, I thought Trevor was making a Thailand typhoid pun. And then I made a Laophoid pun. And then we just said that that’s the worst joke ever told. And then we found a way to seamlessly write that into the, not write that, just seamlessly bring that up talking about cinnamon rolls. Improv. And so that is why it seems like we’re fake laughing. Yeah. Because this show is like an iceberg. Yeah. You know, you see the 3% of the tip. That’s what donut daddy said. Also, like we have no problems telling each other that the joke that someone made is dumb as frick. Yeah, really don’t. We do it on camera. We’ll make a joke and just be like, that was terrible. Try again. Okay. Well, what’s the number one cinnamon roll, everybody? But we gotta move this, right? Yeah. Okay. I really think the Carl’s Jr. one’s better. Is that bad of me? Yeah, it’s bad of you. Josh is raising his hand. Okay. I feel sick. Can I go home? Okay, well- I soaked the Cinnabon in my coffee and ate it like a French dip sandwich. Show everyone your hands. Show everyone your hands. You’re a criminal! Show everyone your sick hands. Also- You’re a criminal. Before we started filming, I said, I’m gonna need 10 to 15 wet caps near me after we wrap. And I know nobody doubted me, but I would like to show the results. I’m so sweaty I’m getting itchy. Itchy, I’m itchy. What did they actually do? Do we have booth bugs? I don’t know. My back is itchy. I’m uncomfortable. I need to be out of here. Maybe you ate too much sugar. We gotta get to the car. Let’s review, let’s review, let’s review. Oh. Let’s review from worst to first. We got Dunkin’, just pretty bad job, Dunkin’. I love that you serve irresponsible amounts of coffee. McDonald’s, I liked the chemically nature of it. I thought that was fun. Y’all didn’t seem to appreciate it. Hated it. The crafted by Cinnabon mini rolls, delivered by Pizza Hut, presented by Tampax. It’s pretty freaking good. Why are you so funny? Pretty good. They’re dense, they’re wet. So funny. It’s served in a microwavable thing. Carl’s Jr. Surprise standout. Yeah. The Seabiscuit. Yeah. Of biscuit based cinnamon rolls. Incredible. Seabiscuit was an underdog. They said the jockey was too big, the horse was too small and still won. Is that true? Wait, what is, is Seabiscuit a horse? Yes! Did you not see Tobey Maguire’s “Seabiscuit”? No! Bro. Have you never heard someone say “I gotta pee like Seabiscuit”? No. I don’t know why. I say that all the time. I’ve heard Seabiscuit so many times. You had no idea what we were talking about? I never questioned it. I just thought it was like, I don’t know. I thought it was like a dog at sea on a boat or something. Well, the word “Seabiscuit” is a weird combination of words. Sea biscuit. Then finally- Why’d they call a horse “Seabiscuit”? Why do they call, horses are called- Why do they call horses? Do you remember when we went to the horse race? Downtown Ground! That one time, and there was the one that was just like, a “My Cousin Vinny” reference? Yeah. It was a whole sentence. Yeah. It was like, “What do you mean the 1964 Buick Skylark didn’t have pause attraction?” Like that was just the name of the horse. And then the winner. Cinnabon original. Come on. They’re the kings for a reason. This is a food that is not overrated. It’s perfectly rated. They do the best job. Yeah. Oh! Oh, that’s the bell. We can go home. That’s the bell. Hey everyone, we’re gonna answer a question. Nicole Franklin asked, “Advice question: What can I eat to make me happy when I’m sad that is still relatively healthy?” And then in parentheses, “PhD student who cries a lot.” Close parentheses. Ooh. Okay. Um. Josh- Not any of this. Ativan. What does that one do? I don’t know. Is that your answer? No. Is that a prescription drug? No, no. Here’s the thing. Yes. Foods that make you the happiest, right? Like chemically. Like sugar, fat, MSG I’d argue. If you’re talking strictly in terms of health or caloric density, MSG is where you want to go. What you should do, just take ramen packets and put ’em on your tongue. Put ’em under your tongue. You know, do that. That’s what I suggest. Why are you looking at me? You have to look at the people. Parmesan cheese. Parmesan cheese crisps. Look at the people. Bake off some Parmesan cheese. Use that as a nacho chip to go into guacamole. I like, asparagus makes me happy. You do a little drizzle of olive oil, with some salt and pepper, and you pop that in the oven. Get it nice and roasty. It’s a nice snack. So if you’re feeling down, have some water. Just like drink water. Boo! And then reevaluate where you are. And then maybe, I don’t know, like have a little piece of dark chocolate. Have like salmon. Omega threes make you feel really good, I heard on the internet somewhere. A handful of spinach, something with folic acid. And yeah, you know, it just- You will find happiness in other things other than food. I’m sure you will. Diet coke. Prosciutto. Oh yeah. Prosciutto straight out the fridge. Prosciutto straight out the fridge. That’s the answer. Prosciutto straight out the fridge. ‘Cause honestly, it’s so salty and it’s so filled with MSG and you can’t eat that much of it or you get the kidney stones. I love prosciutto out of the fridge. Wait, you’re not supposed to eat a lot of prosciutto? Well, like you can’t. You wouldn’t eat like a full pound of prosciutto. Like the way that I could just suck down a full pound of ground turkey. I could eat a full pound of prosciutto, I think. Prove it. Your favorite food podcast has its own tee. Oh my God. We do? We sure do. Get your own “A hotdog is a sandwich” logo tee at mythical.com.