Welcome to Good Mythical More. We are going to associate all of these condiments with, certain eras of people and certain levels of rizz. That’s what we’re going to do. But first let’s check our voicemail. Hi, Rhett and Link. Did you know that the termite queens can live to be up to 50 years old? That means there’s a termite queen out there who lived through the 60s and the George Bush presidency. Crazy. Wow. Yeah, thanks for putting that in perspective with the George Bush presidency. There was no insult. It was just a fact. Yeah. Older than us. That was nice. There’s a termite older than us out there. A termite queen. Yep. Termite queen. Is that an ABBA song? So, bring in this matrix, let’s figure this thing out. So over at sporked.com where you can find out what you need to get at the grocery store and what you don’t need to get. All the new stuff and all the condiments that are the best. You can also see things like the condiment matrix. Which then ranks things from rizz-spectable all the way over to the rizz king. And rizz-spectable is actually not great. Apparently not. In this matrix. Nothing’s bad. Right. You know, they’re all rizz-spectable, but this is as bad as it gets. And then we have the generations. But then, who is it for? Is it for a Boomer? Is it for Gen X, which is us? Millennial, Gen Z. The thing I’ll say about just the ones that are out here already and the ones that I see off camera. They’re all pretty classic sauces, so there’s nothing that immediately is like, that’s a Gen Z sauce. Maybe one. Some of these are pretty. Is there anything else you wanted to say? I wanted to say chop, chop. What do I say? Cheep, cheep. I think it’s cheep, cheep. Cheep, cheep. Yep, oh, that’s a new move. Yeah! Chicken dance upgrade! That was fun. Let’s start with mayonnaise, why don’t we? Let’s start with mayonnaise. We have some fries here. Best foods. You know, I might be Dutch because I do like mayo on my fries. Mayonnaise is great. Without a doubt, it’s on this side of the scale. Yeah, it’s got so much rizz. Some people don’t like it though. Some people are just like, Oh, mayonnaise is here. But those people aren’t here. It’s just me and you right now. Yep, so we’re over here. This is definitely in this area. Old people like mayonnaise. But Gen Xers really love it too, right? Do we? Yeah, look at. Why? Look at what we just did. We liked it. And we’re technically like, we’re pretty much on the line almost. I mean. Look at. This is a weird thing. Oh, Link. It farts a little bit. Excuse you. How does it do that? Friction. It doesn’t slide, it’s more like, fart. Maybe if you stab it repeatedly it won’t do that anymore. Oh, oh, too soon. You know what, I was good at that motion. I feel like, I feel like I could murder. With a stab. Okay. Okay. Alright. I know why when people stab, it’s multiple. Cause I was just gonna do one. And then it just like, wow! You’re scaring me a little bit. It just like, kept going. Oh, thank you. You’re welcome. What, what’s, what’s wrong? It’s not where you want it? It’s not in the middle. – The problem is, is. – Is it my chair? You know, if I say, that thing again, then he might hit it again. That’s really the predicament that we’re in. I probably won’t. Alright. I’m comfortable with that. You didn’t say it though. I didn’t say it. Okay. So, in between Gen X and Boomer and we like it. What is this next one? What is this? This is Famous Dave’s Sweet and Zesty. Sweet and Zesty BBQ Sauce. That is a very zesty, design. It’s very, it’s giving McDonald’s barbecue sauce, which is not a bad thing. It really is. Wow. Maybe that’s where McDonald’s gets it from, but the sweet and zesty of it all. I don’t love it, but. I think the, I think young people, they do like barbecue sauce. I think they do too. It’s good. It’s not that great. Well then why don’t you put it on that side of the rizz? Up in there. Gen Z. Cause of the sweet and zesty and it’s purple. Oh, I see what you’re saying. Yeah. Oh, see? See? It farts. There we go. Magnet fart. Oh! I mean, that’s good. It’s a fart machine. We got a fart board. There we go. And if we made ones that stuck harder, it would be even bigger. Bigger farts. Okay, you’re gonna forget where it was. Catch it! There’s certain parts of the board that are more farty than others. Yeah, you gotta find the farty parts. Ketchup. I mean, I don’t think I need to. I just really like being on screen right now, so Okay. Alright. How’s that? That’s good. We’re having a glare issue. Boy, this is tough. Ketchup has very little rizz. And it’s for old people. I mean, this thing is like. But kids like it. Kids like it. Everyone likes it. But kids would be way up here. But everyone also likes it. Including old people. So, it feels like it’s in the middle. Okay, well then. And nobody hates it. Nobody hates it. Maybe it’s right there. Ketchup is the, is the perfect condiment. It is the, like. It’s the, what’s the middle of a? Ground zero. Of a, of a graph called? The zero point? – The origin? – Axis. What? What is it called? I thought that was a term for the middle of a graph. There is. We just forgot it. Relish! Somebody look that up. What is the term for where the X and Y axis cross? Sweet pickle relish. I thought it was the origin. That sounds right. The origin. The origin. Haven’t thought about that in decades. So ketchup is the origin of all condiments. As determined by us. That is sweet relish. It’s also arguably very inexpensive. So in other words, you know. Rhett. If something’s inexpensive. Yeah, it’s like cheep cheep. He hit it. He got, he got, he’s like really knocked it off the middle now. He’s still hitting it. He hit it with his butt that time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he winged it. He winged it. Oh, oh, oh, it’s almost done. Yep, okay, wow. I’m losing things left and right today. Alright, Julien, come do your job. Get it just right. I didn’t know you guys cared so much. Yeah, yeah, it’s gotta be perfect. Relish. Right in the middle. I don’t know, I just don’t know. Look, you messed up ketchup, Link. I don’t know how I feel about, the rizz of relish. Like, relish, I’ll eat it on a hot dog, but I don’t really eat hot dogs that much. I don’t think it’s got that much rizz, but it does bring a pizzazz to whatever it’s added to. Not a lot of rizz, I agree. But the pizzazz. But I don’t think young folks like it. Right. I think it’s in here. I think it’s in there. I think that’s where the relish is. How’s that fart? It doesn’t fart good down there. Too flat? It sticks, it just doesn’t fart. Where’s the fartiest part? No, I think it’s the relish. The relish is not farty. The relish is the least farty. Relish is almost no farts. Maybe it’s silent, but deadly. Leave it down there. It gets a little farty right here in the corner. What do we got next? We have yellow mustard. I like a yellow mustard. Comes from a seed. Mustard. There’s a moment. In your life before ten years old, usually, once you start liking mustard. And then if you get past ten without liking mustard, life gets a little weird. Until you get really old, and then you start liking it. Right. So I think. You have a second opportunity. Boomers really like mustard because they need something they can still taste. But, I don’t think it has rizz. What do you want, what do you think? It has a little spice to it though. Yeah. It’s got that old people spice to it. You know? I feel good about that. I feel good about that. But now we’re moving on to a more fancy Dijon. Is that Grey Poupon? No, it’s Maille. Maille I think is how it’s said. Oh, that’s almost, it’s like a love to hate kind of thing, you know? Definitely older though. We actually have to make room for it. God! We have to make room for it. Cause this is the oldest. Oldest taste. There’s some fart happening down here too. Is that a? How farty is it? You think it’s the worst? I think it’s down there. It’s not great, I’ll be honest with you. I think all the mustard is down here to old people. Young people don’t like mustard. It’s going out of business, mustard is. We got a little mustard and relish spot down here. Oh, look at that reflection. So are alcoholic drinks. They can barely see it. You know, if you go to a bar now, all the kids are ordering mocktails. And I’m talking about of age kids. Am I right? Have you noticed that? People not drinking alcohol as much? Is that happening? Really? Yeah. And I, and I think that you appropriately identified where mayo goes, cause I feel like the anti-alcohol crowd is also anti-mayo. So it’s just people who don’t want to drink, but want to have something to sip on as they talk to their friends in a dimly lit place. Right. And O’Doul’s just won’t cut it. Cause they’re all talking about how bad alcohol is for you. Right. All the podcasts. The podcasts. They’re woke to that. The podcasts. So yeah, bars are trying to stay open by serving mocktails. Doing their best. Whole sections of mocktails. What they need to do is they need to find another way to make people feel intoxicated. That isn’t, doesn’t have the negative health effects of alcohol. It’s synthetic alcohol. It’s kind of like that Sun Chasers thing that we were trying to do on the show that didn’t really pan out. Like, if you can create a synthetic alcohol that causes a buzz and doesn’t cause negative health outcomes, you will be a billionaire. Get your AI models working on that. Good gosh, what, what are y’all doing? Like Carney’s getting in here? You know what we really could use is a Hot Dog on a Stick. He’s got, he’s got like a, he’s really, he’s balancing a bucket on a trash can, if you will, to kind of create a little bit of a. So that you can see it. Oh, it’s perfect. It’s like wedged itself in there. We’ve got a glare issue. And Julien has put large amounts of Play-Doh behind this thing. I wish you could see the back of this thing. Alright. Since when did you guys get so cheep cheep? Well, okay, so there’s the Play-Doh, this is the Play-Doh that was behind it. So, they kind of had it it was up here like this, and that Play-Doh hit it like that. And them Carney came in and yeah, we’re done. Take a seat. Yeah In order to get the, the reflection, to be just right, there was a trash can on top right here. Kind of balanced like that. I don’t even think we need that. We sort of lost the top. I don’t think we need that anymore. Oh, great. Because I did, I did something. That’s pretty good, right? Can’t even read sports anymore, though. Where are the other magnets? Feels like some stuff fell off. Like, Famous Dave fell into the ketchup. And I think that that was like Millennial and not great. I don’t know. I can’t remember. Sriracha Panich. And then we had ketchup which was the origin. Since 1935, sriracha chili sauce, but this is, have you ever seen this? – Sriracha Panich. – Sriracha Ranch. No. Panich? Panich. Panic. No. Strong hot, it says. Try it. Oh, there goes the mic. For those of you who think we don’t use this mic, we do. Oh, it’s got a little bit of a garlicky, fishy, almost. Yeah, it’s not exactly like the rooster sauce. Okay. There we go, now you can see it. KG’s gonna put a paper towel roll up there. Okay, there we go. That really did it. That really did it. This is very trendy. You have the. Super trendy. You already have it? Yes. Super trendy. And it’s not great. It’s just trendy. Yeah, I don’t think it’s too rizz-matic. What is this? Oh, chili oil, Stevie. It’s our loves. We love some chili oil. I don’t like Sriracha at all, but I love chili oil. Is that too much? Stevie, ever since the calorie counting episode where you kind of had a crisis about. I immediately went home and looked at my chili crunch and I’m good. I’m good. Oh, yours is different? It’s, I, yeah, I don’t wanna say the brand because it’s embarrassing. But Cassie will not budge on the brand choice. But yeah. How could it be? Calories aren’t as extreme as a. Embarrassing. How can chili oil have an embarrassing? Does it say like, does it say like for lesbians by lesbians on it? Yeah. This is very good though. I’m sure that’s better. Yeah, I think a more authentic brand. Okay, got it. It’s interesting because they have a burger as one of the icons on here. Burger and pizza? Yeah, I knew that. I don’t know where the barbecue sauce went. Okay, so here’s this. So, I mean, I love this. I’m Gen X, but like, I was introduced to this by some, maybe Millennials. It’s very Millennial. This is a Millennial thing. And it’s very good. So, I think it’s over there. Very charismatic. We’re gonna stick with that. Steak sauce. Oh, I guess I’ll just go straight, So, now we’ve got, we’ve got some Great Value steak sauce. Sporked loves this stuff. Do we? Tastes a little cheep cheep. Oh, no. Sorry, well, you know, it was, it fell right on the mic, and we got a little mustard on the back of it. We’ll just kind of put it back here. KG had done this thing with the paper towel. My chair even fell over. It was kind of like, it was just kind of stuck in there like this. I tried my best not to knock it over. The microphone fell again. That’s why it didn’t get knocked over. Okay. Okay. Anyway, as I was saying. Okay. Steak sauce, where does that go? She’s putting a pillow up there because maybe it’ll be safer when it falls. Yeah. Yeah. I think she’s just gonna stand there. Steak sauce is not good. It’s not a good condiment. Oh, Link. We lost, we lost a few things. We lost the ketchup. It goes back in the middle. We lost the, the fancy chili crunch. I think everything else is in, is intact. I think this is old and bad. Yep. It’s the worst. Putting it all the way down there. I have, to close things out. Tartar sauce. Yeah. This is my jam, boy. I love. You get excited about tartar sauce. I love tartar sauce. I don’t know why. I like shrimp, so. It is nice. It is good. It’s tangy. It’s pickly. It’s mayo-y. It’s what? What’s that green stuff in it? I think it’s got relish in it. I think it’s like, I love it. It’s got like pickles in it. Yeah, sweet pickle relish. Salted eggs. Yeah, it’s basically mayonnaise and relish mixed together. Vinegar, onions, mustard powder. It’s got everything else you see here in it. Yeah, we could probably make it, actually, with the other ingredients. And you’ve got the sticker. It’s definitely very good. It’s definitely pretty old. Maybe. It’s right, it’s right with mayonnaise, basically. If I was stranded on a deserted island with a condiment, I think I might choose tartar sauce. No, you want something that’s gonna keep. No, no, no, no. You don’t want something, you don’t want mayonnaise. You want the chili oil or the sriracha. No, I want the tartar sauce. You’re gonna make it two days. Because the seafood’s gonna wash up on shore and I’m gonna dip it in it. Yeah, I’m gonna dip it in the hot sauce and then I’ll still be good like 90 days. And I’ll be dead, but I won’t be miserable. That’s right. All right. Chili oil’s my favorite. Tartar sauce, my second favorite. This has been my favorite episode ever. Cheep cheep. No! KG! All right. We did it. Check out the Good Mythical Morning show mugs, available in four colors at mythical.com