Welcome to Good Mythical More. What is the perfect chip? And can we find it in these bags? And will we agree? Especially when it comes to the Cheetos. Oh, what’s the perfect Cheetos? Oh, I don’t know. We might have some different opinions. Dorito, I feel like we’re gonna agree. But first, you gotta check out our favorite new podcast, Help! I’m a Mascot! I know you watch a lot of podcasts with your ears, but listen. There’s nothing quite like Help! I’m a Mascot. Right. All the voices are modulated because they’re still mascots. They don’t put the microphone inside of the suits. They put them on the outside. So some are modulated and some are just muffled. Some of my favorite episodes are the muffled episodes. They’re all having a horrible time in there. Yeah. As it turns out. And the catch 22 when you’re a mascot is you can’t tell any of your friends what your job is. And it creates this really weird, like, split personality in people where they are living this life inside the suit, but then they’re interacting with people and making up lies about what they’re doing all day. And it’s like, why are you so sweaty? Why do you smell like that? Well, because I love my gym is one of the things one of the guys said. I love my gym. Yeah, he said it like that. Why are you so secretive? My gym. I’m a CIA agent. It was weird, and it was a little bit muffled. Anyway, you gotta check it out. It’s one of the top Apple podcasts. Let’s, let’s, do we wanna do two at a time? Let’s do one at a time. I wanna glove up. Because we’re gonna be going through and sorting all these chips. And then we need to put them back in the bag. So, the crew can enjoy them. I don’t want to waste all these chips. Yeah, we know how much y’all love chips that we haven’t touched. Of course we could touch all of them and then maybe eBay it. Rhett and Link touched chips. You think too highly of yourself, my friend. For charity. The last time we tried to, like, eBay stuff, we had to wind up giving it all away because nobody bid on it. Nobody cares, guys. That’s true. We had like a giant JoJo Siwa cutout, you know? Yep. Do you want to do one chip and I’ll do the other chip, or do you want to split the chips in half? Because we may not agree. I think we can put, we need to do just chips from one place on one tray. Yeah, so you do that and I’ll do some, we’re going to save the Cheetos. And we can still differ about what we think is the best. And we can consult with each other. Oh yeah, that’s a nice scent. Now we need to be very careful about how these come out. That’s right. These are very fragile. Right, you want to take it and you just want to pick them out as a unit. Well, harder than I thought it would be. I mean, this is somebody’s job, you know? They’re at the end of the line, and they’re like, it’s packaged, I’m gonna, I’m gonna look at a bag of Doritos and see what’s happening. First of all, you can tell, the percentage of broken Doritos starts, like, right here. Can you explain that job again, one more time? Somebody at the end of the manufacturing line takes a bag and they open it and they dump them out. – Okay. – And they look to see what happened. And then they put them, back in, and then they seal it? No, no, no. They don’t do that. They take. It’s quality control. They take notes. Okay, okay. It’s just like, it’s like a once in a while. From this batch. It’s a random sampling. So I’m going to be collecting foldies and I’m going to be selecting biggies. Cause I think that those are the best two categories for these. But for Doritos. Holy moly, look at that foldy. I’m looking for whole and flat. See, this one’s dog eared. Whole and flat, for sure. That’s not gonna do it. And. This would’ve been a good one. More, see, they can’t be broken, and they can’t be folded. You’re eating the ones you’re, the rejects? Yeah. Oh no! Oh no! Okay, I’ve got a candidate. Oh, that’s a biggy foldy. I can’t imagine a chip getting better than that. This is a giant Lay’s that is the size of a big Lay’s, but it is complete foldy. And it’s folded right in the middle. It is folded right in the middle. We may have found our winner. I know right, and it’s just, let me take a look at that. Be careful with it now. I know, I just. It’s hard to not eat it. Now I’ve got to do my hair flip. I’m sorry, I just. I can’t touch it with my Lay’s hands. You think you can find another one? Oh, that’s a biggie. That’s a real biggie with a little hooky at the end. See that? That would be good for some dip, some ranch dip. Hey, Stevie, did you know, that on our tour. If I don’t find one that good. I couldn’t help it. I’m gonna hurt you. I couldn’t help it. I tried. There’s no way. That’s the best chip that’s ever been made. We were gonna eBay that. I was trying to get you to stop me. We were gonna say that Jojo Siwa touched it. You were flipping your hair, and in your own world. Karma’s a chip. I was. I was over here, man, just Damn it. It was so good. It was so good. Okay, okay, okay. I’ve got, okay, oh no! I think I may have found, who’s the guy from Boardwalk Empire who thinks he knows new geometry? Terrence Howard. Like, like Terrence Howard, I have discovered new geometry. Okay? All of the scientists are wrong. We have a new shape, guys. I don’t think I can explain this. Wow. It is a foldy, that is folded this way, and then when you turn it, it’s folded that way. And then you turn it that way and it’s folded that way. And then it’s folded this way. And no, I’m not letting you touch it. It’s double folded. And you just ate it. That was a Möbius chip. And it’s gone. We have video evidence of it. That was it. That was a better chip. Cause it was a double fold. Let me ask you, you see how this one is undulating a little bit? Look at that. It’s quite beautiful. Yeah, I like it. But do you want it to be totally flat? And it’s gotta be one that’s totally flat and perfectly coated on both sides. Coated is very important. So this isn’t as good. And I think I’ve found, like, you can find some that are super coated. Super coated. Like this one right here. Like Rap Snacks. Yeah, like Rap Snacks. This one is more coated. I think this is the perfect one. Take a look at that. I don’t want to get Lay’s on Doritos and vice versa. Oh, this one’s super. Oh my God. I would just admire it from afar, but I have something I need to show you. – I have found. – More geometry? A foldy that has taken on another chip in a shark like fashion. – Can you? – Maybe a dolphin light fashion? Look at that. So, this is another chip inside of another chip. Yeah, but. So, do you see that? This chip has wedged itself inside of the foldy. Look at that. Yeah, but just pull it out. Oh no, but this is how it happened naturally. I don’t know. First of all. But it’s the second chip. It could be like the Excalibur. Maybe no one, maybe no one can remove it. Maybe not. Try it. Oh, it’s stuck. Yeah, it’s stuck. It’s hinged. You gotta find the right one. It only hinges. It’s like pulling a tooth. It only hinges. You can’t pull it. But it’s the second chip. I mean. Oh, there it is. You got it. I really think that I already have found the perfect Dorito, because these are, they’re very consistent. They just break at the bottom of the bag. This is a really good bag of. I’m done with this. That’s pretty good. We’re gonna put those back in there. That’s pretty good. Just gonna see if I can find a biggie. And I guess do we have another, we don’t have another tray, you’re gonna bag it up, and you’re gonna bring me back the tray, because. Look at this one, it’s a right angle. Oh, this reminds me of what I was gonna tell you before Link started eating the good chips. Stevie, did you know that the whole time we were on tour, there was ranch dip. I only saw the dip in Philly, and I’m thankful for that. Yep. I’m grateful that. It was in another dressing room. Yep. What do you mean? Somebody was hoarding it. It was in, it was in the dressing room that Hitch was in. Oh, Hitch! You were just in there eating dip? No! I never saw that. I went in there. I went in your dressing room. It wasn’t mine And, I needed some, I needed, I needed some quiet time and so I was looking for dressing rooms. Nobody was in there. And then I go in there and I see y’all’s little goodies and you had the ranch dip and it was just, it was just open next to a bag of Lay’s. Yup. And so I just stayed in there for at least 12 minutes. Just. I was like, this has been happening the whole tour. I like how you just saw open dip and you were like, yeah. Yeah, and I ate it. You don’t know long it’s been open. KG, you know about this ranch dip? No, I didn’t know that. It’s probably Dylan, that’s the only thing he can eat. Oh, oh, I was eating the only food that Dylan can eat. He’s like, where’s all my dip? It was good. It was good. I was also glad that I didn’t find it earlier. Do you have a pristine, like a flat example? Yeah, I’m kind of moving to that now. I’m moving to just like, show chips they call them. This is, well, this is the one that has become a Pringle. This has become a Pringle. I mean, what are the chances that a Lay’s became a Pringle right before our very eyes? Look at that, Link. It’s pretty extraordinary. I guess it’s inevitable, really. I kind of think a Lay’s doesn’t need to be flat, Link. I feel like it needs to have curvature to it. Well, you know me, I’m a foldy. It needs to be a parabola. I’m saying if you don’t have a foldy. I’m just amazed at how consistent these chips are. Like, there’s no burned ones. I mean, look at Cheetos. This is the modicum of inconsistency. I think that’s part of the appeal. Oh, speak, right when I just said there’s not a burned one. I’m trying to give a representation of all the different types. This would be a good job. Chip sorting. The thing about, when you get to the bottom of a bag of Cheetos you’re not disappointed. That’s one of the great things about Cheetos, is that you have all of these little pebbles at the bottom. And they’re still good. But they’re still so good. I mean. They’re just as good in many ways. In some ways they might be better. In some ways, yeah. You know? I’ve had karma’s a chip stuck in my head ever since it was said. And these little things I love those. I think there’s just a bunch of chips that tie for best chip in this thing. Besides the foldy. The one that I ate, I think, was it, but I think you found two more like that. The new shape that I found was also very nice. Yeah, that was interesting. We call it the Terrence. Now, here’s what I’m not choosing. The cancerous mass of cheeseless. I mean. If that was cheese, it would be very nice. Yeah, but the big ones don’t get as much cheese, it’s just more corn. So, like, these are losers. And that one’s just ugly. And then you’ve got, like, the caveman club. Which, this one’s well cheesed, but it gets too thick at the end. You don’t want that. I don’t know about that, though. Well, I’m just telling you what I think. Here’s another nasty growth. Thing. Hold on. You want a thinner one like this. Put the, hold on. This one might be, this one’s a candidate. Some people like them bigger, so put the biggies over here. I’m gonna give you the best biggie that I can come up with, which is this one. The drumstick one, right there. This is a candidate. It’s got a bigger thing on the end, it’s well cheesed, and it’s right there for the taking. This one is. That’s too little, man. That one’s thin, but you got a nice cheese to corn ratio. That one’s nice. It’s too little. I mean, for me. I don’t want girth. I want thin and cheesy. This one’s too stumpy. And then this one, this one is a nice little treat once you get to the end of the bag. I think, I like this little cutie right here. I think you’ve gotten, you’ve gone too small, though. And then these little turds at the end, again, the little pebbles. I think the perfect Cheeto, Link, is one that is in between sizes. Like, size wise, this isn’t well cheesed, but size wise So, you’re thinking like that? Too thin. Too thin. – This is. – This is too thin? I mean, I’m just saying that, like, for the average person, like, I think the Cheeto ideal that they’re shooting for every single time. Is this. Is this, like, slightly drumstick. That. Well, I actually think this. That’s what they’re shooting for. I think this is it. – But it’s got a. – Oh, this one’s. This one’s got a nodule on the end. I think the thing about Cheetos is the imperfections is what makes them. That’s a good one. What about real? Can you find one longer than that? I challenge you to find one longer than that. Hold that one up. Nope. I found the longest Cheeto so far. That might be the perfect one. That’s nice. And see, it’s got all the variety throughout. Don’t eat it yet, because I want to see if. I’m not going to eat it. we can find. I’m only tempted by the little pebbles. Longer? No. This may be it. It could be more cheesed. I don’t think we’re gonna find a longer one than that. See, Chester’s grabbing one, it gets a little bigger at the end. Where’s the big one? Right here. It’s close, it’s close though. That’s a little clubby. I mean, this club one here is well cheesed. It’s a little shorter, but it’s thicker. Like those two right there. And this one? The extrusion process makes these. See, I like a thick one like that. It’s a little I don’t know. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That’s a bumpy one. I really like the big ones. Cause you bite it and it resists a little bit. I’m gonna eat this big chunk of one. Not enough cheese, dude. But look at, see, look at this. I like the gradation. I look for the little ones. From little to big. Are we defeating the purpose of the gloves by? No, no, I’m not touching my gloves. I’m not touching my gloves. Look, look. I mean, also Rhett, you did your hair a few times directly into the tray. And then you’re like, can’t touch my hair, I have gloves. – Right. – No, I didn’t. I mean, we got to agree that these are monstrosities. This is too far. Let me eat one though. I’ll tell you how it feels. There’s not enough cheese. Now with your new hairstyle, you won’t, be able to move it at all. So you, you won’t need to be doing that. Right. Here’s the thing though, the big crazy monstrosities, they’re the most interesting experience in my mouth. – This one? – Not cheesy enough. This one? Who knows what’s gonna happen with it. I mean, you take a bite on that, you don’t know which end is up. The cheese pack’s a crunch, a punch, and there’s a crunch. It’s a punch and a crunch. Cheetos are really good. Alright, I think these are our two candidates right here. They’re really, really good. They don’t have any business being this good. All right. That’s the best Cheeto that I can find in here. Or is it this one? I mean, you might have a little more volume, but the length here is pretty nice. I mean, it seems like you would have been choosing this one with more girth and more cheese. All right, take it. This one has more cheese and more girth. I think it wins. Dink it. Sink it. Crab Shack is a little known place! And then it would be, Crab Shack! Crab Shack baby! Crab Shack baby!