Welcome to Good Mythical More. Apparently, every American girl has a tragic backstory. And we have access to those. We also, uh, have the girls here. So we’re going to, um, we’re gonna match you up to your tragic backstory, ladies. They’re listening. But first, we’re gonna do our secret handshake. Hey, don’t let anybody see it. Cover it up with this hand. Cover it up with this hand. I mean, it’s tall, so remember. And then we come in here, and we come in here, and then go back this way. Get it right in the middle, and then Secret, secret, secret, secret. There’s so much happening, there’s so much happening, but it’s all, it’s all behind the, it’s all behind the other hands. Alright. I mean, I, there was a time here when, um, my oldest, she’s still the oldest, she keeps on getting older, she’s not in to American Girl dolls anymore, but we kept them in the garage for a long time. How many did she get? And, um, I think she had two, uh, I think this one looks familiar, but I don’t know. Well, that’s Courtney, Link. No. It’s a shy, imaginative girl living in the fictional town of Orange Valley, California in the 1980s. An avid gamer who loves Pac Man, Star Wars, and the Goonies. She has a pet guinea pig named Parsley, and her favorite song is Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper. Oh, okay. Who I once did a podcast about psoriasis with. Yeah, that was a career highlight. Not a joke. Not a joke. Didn’t she want your number afterward? Did you give her your number? I think I might have Cyndi Lauper’s number in my phone. Oh, you have her number. You want to call her right now? Yeah, she’s a legend, man. Um, raccoon arson is one of the backstories that we have to work with here. Her best friend Marta dies of cholera. Okay. Later, she nurses an injured raccoon back to life only for it, she brought a raccoon back to life? Only for it to repay her by burning down her family’s home on Christmas. Oh, raccoons can be a little crafty. Later, she is further traumatized by stumbling upon the frozen corpse of a fur trapper while exploring outside. This definitely sounds like the 80s. Yeah. So we got cholera, and we’ve got fur trapping. This is someone who is on the frontier. So, listen, we got. You save a raccoon, and how does a raccoon burn your house down? Like, turn over a candle? I, I don’t, I was trying to, so when I was younger, I was into the American Girl, like, they used to have actual history camps and courses and things, and I don’t know if they still do, but like, all of the American Girl dolls were closely tied to different periods of history, so a lot of these, I don’t remember, and of course, uh, Courtney, I don’t remember because I’m old, and Courtney didn’t exist because that period of history was the period of time in which I was alive. Oh. Uh, but I remember that being, cause you know, I’ve talked about how I was into like Williamsburg and all those living museums. Oh yeah. That was the aspect that I really liked. It was, it was a way into history. Yeah. That tells me that you liked Felicity. A fiercely independent, spunky, tomboyish girl. Living with her family in Williamsburg, Virginia. Whoa! Under the British colonial rule in the 1770s. What? Did you have this one? I didn’t have any of them because I didn’t like dolls. Oh, you like the history. Yeah. She loves horses more than anything. But I do remember Felicity, yes, yes. Felicity’s an OG. Well, I think you’re right about Kirsten. She has an arsonist raccoon name. No, you’re right because this is Kirsten, a hard working Swedish immigrant who migrated with her family. from her small village in Sweden to a log cabin in Minnesota, frontier in the mid 1800s. Okay? She also, she also often thinks or acts without thinking and can make foolish decisions that are not easily remedied, like resuscitating a raccoon. Yeah, don’t do that, because it’ll, it’ll come back to burn you. Makes friends with animals. Oh, my gosh! She makes friends with animals. We are 100 percent right about Kirsten. All right. Next one we have, uh, brace yourself for another sad backstory. Polio survivor. She’s physically frail due to contracting polio as a child which left her with one weak leg and cold sensitive lungs. She faces disapproval from her peers and classmates after befriending a raccoon. No, an Italian girl at school. So, early 1900s is when polio was ravaging the world. Kit is 1930s. Also a spunky tomboy. Well, Samantha is a plucky, curious girl living through the Edwardian era of the early 1900s in the fictional town of New Bedford, New York. Curious nature leads her to question the status quo. She’s asking adults uh, life questions about the social inequality she observes. Uh, she’s often bold, mischievous, and playful. Mischievous? Not mischievous? Yep, you can say it either way. Prone to sneaking off and disobeying rules like getting polio. No, it doesn’t say that. Uh, so what did you got over here? Uh, spunky tomboy that’s not Felicity. This is Kit. 1930s Cincinnati. I think it could be either one of them. Um, real name is Margaret, uh, nickname Kit, references World War I era song, Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag. Has a resourceful can do attitude, but is also embarrassed easily. Loves baseball. Uh, hmm, I, I, I’m thinking you’re right. Cause this is 1900s. Early 1900s, I mean, I think Polio was like. Let’s go with that for Polio Survivor. Early 1900s, and then like. Got that weak leg! The 30s or so? She’s covering up with a hat right now. Okay. Oh, you’re gonna love this one, Rhett. Hopefully, there’s some justice involved. Uh, horse abusing neighbor. Neighbor! She is traumatized by watching her crazy drunk old neighbor, Jiggy Nye, abuse and starve. Jiggy Nye. Starve his horses. Jiggy Nye even threatens to make her watch as he kills one of the horses right in front of her. I’mma make you watch, girl! But he doesn’t. Horse abuser? This is true? Well, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a backstory for a doll, Rhett. I don’t mean is this true. I know I asked that. It didn’t really happen, but yeah, it’s true. Is this really a part of American Girl Lore? Yeah, everything is, yeah, everything’s real. I don’t remember any of these, uh, traumas because I, you naturally, you know, block them out, but. So, um. Horse abuser. See, there’s one, uh, Felicity from the 1770s. She’s in Williamsburg. I already said that she has a horse named Penny. She loves horses more than anything. She also enjoys nature, gardening. It would be really harsh for her to watch horses get abused. I mean. Uh, Mary Ellen grew up in Daytona Beach, Florida in the 1950s. She is often considered wild and tomboyish. Lots of tomboys. You could have been into dolls. Again, a lot of these didn’t exist. Are these American lesbian dolls? They didn’t exist when, not just the 80s one, but Mary Ellen did not exist. And Kit, I don’t remember either. Lesbians didn’t exist until what year? Yeah, yeah, when did they start? Uh, so I think we’re going with Felicity the Horse Lover. Yes. Because that seems to fit right in there. I believe in that. Now, you’ve been waiting for it. They’re not all orphans, but this one is. Orphaned as a baby after losing both parents. Yeah, that’s how it happens. in a tragic boating accident. Oh, okay. It’s not always a boating accident. Now her best friend is a poverty stricken child laborer. Good God. I like how these stories are really giving kids a dose of reality. And she listens to Cyndi Lauper to get her through this. Definitely Courtney. No. Mary Ellen is full of big ideas and imagination, which get her in trouble. Child labor is not a 1950s. No, it’s not. Um, I think it, we might be wrong about one of these. This might be. Well, Kit, 1930s. I think that we might need to move Polio to Kit and give Orphan to Samantha. Why do you want to make Samantha an orphan so bad? Uh, cause she’s so mischievous. That’s all you got? She’s sneaking off and disobeying rules. Okay. Nothing’s really screaming orphan. Well, no, I’m thinking about child labor. I’m thinking early 1900s in the Edwardian era. Okay. In New York. All right, so we’re gonna change that one for now. Good news! Uh, Samantha? You don’t have polio, you’re just an orphan. All right. Oh, here’s, here’s, here’s, here’s one that we lived through. Now. As a child. Link and I were in class watching this live. So we could have been American Girls. Mm hmm. Challenger Explosion. She does not get along with her stepsister, Tina, and generally struggles to adjust in the wake of her parents divorce. One of her friends is diagnosed with HIV? And she also watches the Challenger explosion. Live at school, we were there with you, Courtney! Yep, that’s gotta be you, Courtney. Yeah, and we didn’t think it was CGI, because that didn’t exist. So that leaves, uh, the Great Depression of the 1950s in Florida for Mary Ellen. Okay. You know, you know, you know how that, that, that 1950s Great Depression. Alright, okay, here we go. Due to the Great Depression, her father’s forced to close his car business and the family gets into poverty. Give that to Kit. As a result, they are forced to convert their home into a boarding school, taking in renters to make ends meet. To make room, she must move out of her bedroom into the house’s drafty attic instead. Okay, so give that to Kit. 1930s. Depression. Rhett’s wanted to give everything to Kit today. And then, Polio Survivor is back to Samantha. A depression diagnosis. Orphan is Mary Ellen. That sounds like an orphan name. Yep. Full of big ideas. Often get her in trouble. Yep. Doesn’t judge people by their appearances. Oh! You know! Along with popular senses. Before we find out how right we are, I have a little, uh, a little something I’d like to. Is it, is it? Yes, the halftime show. Ladies and gentlemen, uh, please keep your seats. The halftime show is beginning momentarily. Stick your head in it! Stick your head in it! Stick your head in it! Stick your head in my hole! Stick your head in it! Stick your head in it! Oh! Oh, God! That hurt a little bit. Stick your head in it. Stick your head in it. Stick your head in my hole. Thank you for participating in my halftime show. Yes, I did. Okay, you’ve done fairly well here. Oh, not a hundred percent, no. You were almost at a hundred, and, and, you, you have to switch. You have to switch two. Okay, let’s do this. Raccoon ar, arson cop. We know we’re right about Challenger, we know we’re right about Trapper. And we know we’re right about horses because she loved horses. Well. You don’t have to love horses to not like it when people abuse horses, though. We must be wrong about, you could be a polio survivor in the 1950s. It’s just less likely. But let’s switch orphan and polio survivor. Okay. Uh, I’m sorry. You’re an orphan again. And? Queen Sweep? Queen Sweep. We’ve done it. Um, so what — Alright, so this is the Stick your head in the hole! Stick your head in the hole! Stick your head in the hole! Stick your head in the hole! I’ll stick my head in the hole. I’m not falling for that one again. See? It doesn’t work. Somebody else has gotta stick their head in the hole. Like, I can put my hand in it. I can’t even see, your hand is in the middle of the hole. Hey, that’s a little bit less applause. If I learned anything, it’s uh don’t help a raccoon. I mean, think about all the wonderful lessons that these kids playing with dolls have, have learned. Don’t get polio. Don’t help a raccoon. Um, help a horse. I mean, I didn’t hear of any houses being burned down at that, in this story. Now let’s rank them. The thing is, is that, like, three of them saying they’re tomboys, but being in dresses that have pink all over them? That doesn’t, it doesn’t track. Yeah, we need some flannel up in here. Like, wear the pants, you know? We need flannel, we need jeans. What else do we need? A jersey, maybe? A sports jersey. A sports jersey? Yeah. Backwards, backwards hat? Backwards hat, maybe. Sideways hat. Just pants. Uh, pants. Eye patch. Um. Yeah. Um. A slightly deflated volleyball. Um. Softball. Okay. Catcher’s mitt. Catcher’s mitt. Um. Come on, what else? Cleats. Cleats. She wears cleats everywhere she goes. Uh, fake mustache. Toothpick. Toothpick. Toothpick, that’s a good one. Kind of dangling. That’d be good. Um. American Girl. Boardroom. If you’re watching. Uh, back pocket full of dude wipes. You know? Um. Yeah, mismatched socks. Um. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we got it covered. But what would the tragedy be? Oh, they can have the same tragedies. No, let’s invent a new one. Okay, no. Okay, they can’t. Let’s invent a new one. Misplaced your DVD of the L word. Can’t find it. Looked everywhere for it. Talk about dramatic. Didn’t remember that you let your orphan friend borrow it. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, right. Samantha’s had it the whole time. Ugh! Ugh! Still sneezing from that, that corn dog we were allergic to. Oh, God! Ugh! Oh. Oh. Yeah. Wanna make out? Hahahaha. Thank you for helping L. A. rebuild by getting our I Heart GMM tee. 100 percent of profits go to Habitat for Humanity of Greater Los Angeles. Available at mythical.com.