Do we know how to react to wild animals? Welcome to “Good Mythical More.” In this one, we’re gonna save your life. Yes, we might. Okay, so a couple of things to note. We have a list of animals before us. We have a bunch of animal facts, what you should do if you’re like in an encounter with them. We’re gonna try to match them together. Ah! Where’s the microphone? Oh no! An animal must have gotten to the microphone! Or maybe what we did during the main episode today required us to not have the microphone, and to put it up there where you can see it here. It’s up here. It’s right there. So that’s why it’s not here. Also Link, you lost the game. So you’re going to be subjected to a punishment, which I believe is going to be answering the door whenever the doorbell rings. Okay we have a monkey, we have a Komodo dragon, we have a lion, we have a moose, we have a kangaroo, we have a wolf, we have an alligator. Speaking of alligator. You’ve had an encounter with an alligator? No, I just was looking at the first one. Komodo dragon. I think I had an encounter with one of those in Thailand. A safe one? Was it a petting zoo? No. It was just swimming in a river. Whoa. Really? I don’t think they were Komodo dragons. They were monitor lizards, but they were huge. This big. Still dangerous, right? This big. Here’s the first tip. Run as fast as possible in a straight line. Running in a zigzag will only slow you down. I think that’s alligator, because I’ve heard lots of people say to run in a zigzag to get away from an alligator because they don’t have a great lateral motion. But I think the thing is- But if you keep zigging and zagging back. And they’re going straight, you’re zigzagging, you know, they’re gonna just get you faster. Yeah. So I think that’s an alligator. If you zig zig zig zag zig zag, zig zig zig zig zag zig. Right. Are you a spice girl? Ziggy zig aah. Yeah. Then I think you might get away from the gator. I’d like to see the Spice Girls run from an alligator. That sounds like a Mr. Beast video. And you’d like to see that. I would like to see it. I would click-ity click, click on it. Ziggy zig aah. So you just want to go ahead and throw one of those up there? All right. We always can move it. Yeah, we can. We can always move it. There’s gators in there. Oh, it looks like somebody’s at the door. You should answer it. Okay. Who is it? Ooh. The goblins are coming. The goblins are here! The goblins will make us all see clear. Singing telegram, brought to you by me. It was more spoken word poem. Oh, sorry. The goblins are coming. The goblins are here. The goblins will make us all see clear. Thank you. Well, you’re being punished. I’m glad I don’t have to go over there and answer the door. Oh, well it wasn’t that bad. What does this sound like, Link? Signs of aggression include showing the whites of their eyes, smacking their lips, and urinating on their back legs. If one charges you, run. Do not try to stand your ground. Urinating on their back legs. It could be a monkey smacking their lips, urinating on their back legs. Monkeys don’t have back legs. They have legs. They don’t have front legs. Right, they have front arms. They have back legs though. No, they don’t have back legs. They just have legs. But they’re in the back. It’s not a monkey! It’s anything but a monkey. You’re telling me, hold on, a monkey basically has the same thing that we have. So you call your legs your back legs? I’m just saying, I wouldn’t call ’em my front legs. How about you just call ’em your legs? If I had to choose one or the other, I would call ’em back legs, not front legs. If I had to. Okay, well, this feels like it feels like a moose type thing. Kangaroo doesn’t have back legs either, then. I agree with that. It feels like a moose would urinate on itself. How does a moose, anatomically, Smacking their lips. Pee on its back legs? Showing the whites of their eyes. I mean, is the pee hose pointed backwards on a moose? Hold on. Maybe it’s a lion. ‘Cause it’s a cat and they’d like to pee and they do weird stuff like that, right? You got a cat at the house. Does it pee on its back legs, ever? I wouldn’t put it past him. I don’t feel like a moose would smack its lips, but a lion, because it uses its mouth to kill you, might be smacking its lips. Also, a wolf might do that. This also implies that, first of all, if one charges you, that it charges. It also implies, do not try to stand your ground, that you might think you should stand your ground. You would never think to stand your ground with a lion. But with a moose, I think you might think you should stay on your ground. Moose feels right to me. We’re both feeling moose. So we’re gonna put moose here ’cause that’s a wonderful spot for it. Don’t run. Just don’t. Running will make you seem like more prey, or seem more like prey. Okay. If it’s not moving. What about pray? Should you pray? Pray. You can pray. Back away very slowly. If it starts to move, freeze in place. Don’t crouch down. Okay. That’s it? Don’t crouch down. You’re gonna seem more like prey. So this is a prey, so this is gonna be a wolf or a lion. If it starts coming, back away slowly. It’s gotta be a lion, right? I think it’s a lion. If it starts to move, freeze in place. So you’re creeping away slowly while staying big. The idea of a being like, at the whim of a lion. Yeah. That’d be tough, man. That’s hard. That’s why we’re doing this. I don’t want that. So we can prepare ourselves, mentally, for it. I don’t want that. So we think that’s a lion. I feel so good about, Oh, somebody’s at the door for you again. What we’ve done so far. Coming! Hello. Link, you know it’s me, your neighbor. Hey. I just had to talk to you. Neighbor. What’s up? Listen, I worked really hard to afford a nice, beautiful home in a nice neighborhood. Don’t say it. Me and you, we became friends. You came over. I was barbecuing, I was grilling. You stopped by. We talked. We had a great night. You threw me a piece of meat and I caught it with my bare hands. We talked about America, we talked about Chicago, we talked about Kansas. All great bands, you know? Three times. Yeah. I gave you my family’s barbecue sauce recipe. Three generations. Thank you. And I have 37 minutes of home security footage of you peeing in your, I’ve watched 37 minutes of you peeing, Link. Where exactly? In your gravel, little gravel strip. Yeah. Yeah, what’s up with that? Could you stop that, please? I didn’t realize that your camera was pointed at my pee spot. It’s not pointed. I got a couple cameras and like, you pee everywhere, Link. You’re peeing, all the time. You and your dogs. I don’t care if your dogs pee, but why do you have to? You have a beautiful home. Pee in your home, Link. Well, sometimes I’m out there with the dogs and when I see them going, nevermind. Thank you for the feedback. Okay. We still playing Baccarat next Saturday? Oh yeah, we’re going. Okay. We’re gonna Baccarat it up. All right. Stop peeing, please. Okay. Sorry. That was a little awkward. Sorry about that. Looks like you gotta get back up. Yikes. Coming! Special singing telegram for you. Okay. ♪ I wish I could be just like you ♪ And that’s why I’ve eaten all your shoes Who was that? Who was that? That is another singing telegram. It was weird. He’s got your shoes. Is that what he said? Well, he said it was my shoe, but it’s not my shoe. Okay, lie on the ground in a submissive position, either on your belly or curled up in a ball, and wait for it to lose interest. Play dead, basically? Lie on the ground. Either on your belly or curled up in a ball. I mean, I feel like this is a wolf situation. It could be a lion. It could be. A kangaroo, maybe? Maybe. Kangaroos can punch you. They can be crazy. Well, let’s look at some other ones. If you’re in an area where you might encounter one, remove all jewelry and wear contacts, and contacts instead of glasses. This sounds like monkeys. Avoid smiling or making any face that bears your teeth. If one attacks, don’t scream or try to fight it off. Calmly walk away and it will eventually lose interest. You know, they like to steal things from you. Kangaroo ain’t gonna steal from you. They like to steal your glasses. And if you show your teeth, that’s a sign of aggression with a monkey. Also showing them your erection. No, that’s a gorilla. That’s a gorilla, yep. Yeah. Show a gorilla your erection. I got kicked out of the zoo for that. So we’ve skipped that one, and now we’re putting monkey down here. Make yourself as big as possible. Make eye contact. Make eye contact. Make a lot of noise, and back away slowly. Komodo dragon. Komodo dragon doesn’t care about eye contact. No they don’t. It’s a reptile. A kangaroo. Kangaroo. You know, you wanna stay big. You wanna make eye contact? Yes. You want to intimidate them before they start punching you. Yeah. They’ll do the punching. Could be a wolf, but I think you’re right. The kangaroo. I’m trying to think of the most like, violent animal encounter I’ve ever had. I don’t think I’ve ever, I mean, California has many more animals that are capable of hurting you than like North Carolina has. North Carolina does have black bears now. And they grew up Copperheads. Copperheads, yeah. They have copperheads. Very deadly. And the snake we saw in the river when you told me there weren’t gonna be any snakes. Water moccasin. Yeah, snakes are a big deal in North Carolina. Had a fish in his mouth. They are a big deal. That’s crazy. But it’s a different kind of encounter. I stepped on a water moccasin one time. That might actually be my craziest animal encounter is stepping on a water moccasin. What about like, with cows? Like we’ve had cows try to… Oh, and a cow took Ben down into the creek and knocked him into the water. Yeah, try to drown him. Yeah. A cow tried to drown our friend. We watched, we watched. But the cow didn’t succeed. Cows are big. No horns on that cow. That would’ve been really bad. Run away in a zigzag motion. Oh, so we got some nice zigzag bookends here, but the opposite. They’re bad at sharp turns. This feels like a Komodo dragon. Try to create distance by hitting it with a stick or rock. Yeah that’s not gonna work. They’re too heavy to climb trees. So if possible, climb a tree. Komodo dragons, they can’t climb a tree. They have short legs. And also, you ain’t gonna stop a alligator with a rock. No. But a Komodo dragon, he’s just a lizard. He may be like, “Okay, okay, stop!” So that leaves, you’re supposed to lie on the ground in a submissive position on your belly or curled up in a ball and wait for it to lose interest for a wolf? I think we switch wolf and lion. Well, first, you need to answer the door. Okay. I wonder who this could be. Who is it? Salesman. Salesman. Salesman. Hello, mister sir. Hey. I’m selling this jar of mystery liquid. Great. How much? Never gotten that question before. Well, you’re selling it, right? I mean. Yeah. I just haven’t gotten this far. Well, what is it? It’s a mystery, and I don’t even know. Okay. Yeah. You wanna taste it and lemme see your reaction? It’s not really like that. Yeah. It’s more visual. There’s also some solids in there. Those are also a mystery. Okay. It looks like edamame. I can see a little bit of that. Please don’t spoil it. Okay. Sorry. I’m not in the market for any mystery liquids. Huh. Especially without a state of price. Right. It’s more just like, if you want it, it’s yours. Oh, you’re giving this away. And then you might owe me something that I could cash in on later. Will it help if I reveal that a lot of it is actually your own piss? Well, that would be good information. Buy it! How did you acquire? I work with your neighbor. Oh. Yeah. So this was under my gravel? We have a whole system and it’s part of the barbecue sauce recipe, and there’s a lot, yeah. Wow. Full circle, huh? So this is a stage in the barbecue sauce recipe. This is a stage. Yeah. This is, some would say, it’s final form. Oh. No thank you. Okay. No thank you. All right. I’ll just leave this behind. Okay. It’s yours. Okay. Enjoy. You’re not gonna light it on fire or anything, are you? It might light itself on fire. Okay. This is my punishment. Yeah. It’s a weird neighborhood. So Link, I think the lion, you go up into a ball because it’s got like- Oh. I mean, I’m sorry about this, but you did lose. No thank you. No thank you. ♪ There’s something buried in your backyard ♪ ♪ It’s ancient, twisted and a little charred ♪ ♪ The devil will show you great affection ♪ ♪ Never show a monkey your erection ♪ That’s actually good information. Wow. Never show a monkey your erection. And it’s very timely. Yeah. That was good information. It’s like he’s almost listening to us. I feel like maybe I’m gonna stand here. Okay, I’m gonna move lion to, oh no. Uh oh. Oh no. So what are you saying? Oh no. I don’t think, Oh, look at this. That’s what it used to be. There’s a sketch under there of another. Wow. Is that how it works around here? Don’t run from a wolf. If it starts to move, freeze in place. Don’t crouch down. I’m telling you, we shouldn’t switch those. You don’t want to run from a lion. But a wolf? You wanna submit to a lion? Okay, it’s like a dog. You wanna submit to a dog? A wolf is a dog. And when you submit to it, it loses interest. But I could see a lion losing interest. You’re never gonna run away from either one of these. Okay. I’m switching back. Ah, let’s switch back. Okay. Switching back. All right. Stevie, we are so confident in most of these. Can you skip, just tell us the ones we got right. I’m trying to see the full board of things in order to tell you that. What? Here it is. Well, in the wide, I can’t read anything. And then the closeups have some stuff, so. Okay. It’s tough. You have, Back away slowly, ball up, and then pee on your back legs. I think that there’s just two that you need to switch. Oh, wolf and lion No, there’s three. There’s three that you need to switch. Crap, dude. Okay. I think the lion. Maybe you zigzag from an alligator, because they can’t climb a tree. The lion pees on itself. The moose, The moose will lose interest if you go into a ball. And the wolf. What? No. Oh, no, wrong. Wrong, wrong. That doesn’t make any sense. Why would you? You’ve made it worse. We’ve made it worse, ’cause the moose, we were right about the moose. We were right about the moose. Just stick the whole thing on there. Just stick the whole thing on there. Oh, okay. Yeah. Don’t panic. So we switched lion and wolf. So you do what you said, there. No. But then we have to switch. We got three wrong. So we have to switch. No, wolf, you make yourself as big as possible. Kangaroo, you make a little ball, and it’ll jump right over you. But is this what we had for lion? ‘Cause we’re trying to switch that. Don’t crouch down. Just stand there. Freeze in place. That’s what we had there. Oh, we got it all now. Whoa. But we did die, along the way. So you don’t, okay, so just so you know, just so you remember, run away from an alligator in a straight line. If a moose comes, well, if a moose approaches you. And it’s smacking its lips and peeing on his back legs. Run, run. Do not stand your ground. Wow. Run from a peeing moose. But from a lion, do not run. Back away slowly. Back away slowly. Don’t crouch down. If he starts to move, freeze in place. Kangaroo. Make yourself a kangaroo ball. That’s how you remember that. It’ll lose interest. Monkey, if it’s bearing its teeth, don’t let it gouge your eyes out. A wolf, make yourself as big as possible. Make eye contact. Make a lot of noise! Wolf, I see you, wolf! I’m looking at you! And then Komodo dragon, you do zigzag motion because they can’t make turns. Maybe climb a tree. Climb a tree if there’s one available. You’re welcome. Don’t pee in your yard and don’t show your erection to a monkey. For all you bigfoot believers, stomp on over to mythical.com and check out a new hoodie, long sleeve tee, and glow in the dark key chain.