Channel: Good Mythical More
YouTube Video ID: Q_WQHdSWsEk
Episode Number: 3075
Transcript
Would you rather sleep in a dog crate or a cat tree? Welcome to Good Mythical More. We animaled so hard in the main. We dogged so hard. Do you love the dogs- That now we're gonna keep- … more than the people? … animaling in More. Do you, do you love the, the employees' dogs more than the employees? Sure. I mean… Well, why did you admit, admit that so quickly? I mean, because they're just… They're somebody else's dog. What's not to love about somebody else's dog? What's not to love about our employees? Um, you know, it's a… Yeah, you're right. You're right. That's what I meant to say. You trying to trap me? I love dogs. Why, what's your interest in trapping me? I'm just saying- Co-CEO? I'm just saying, sometimes I think it's much easier to like a dog than it is to like a person. I mean, isn't that just the way the world works? And what is that? What is that a… 'Cause you're not threatened by a dog. Like- They're l- they're much less complicated beings. They're much less complicated, and they're actually, like, genetically engineered to be our companions. Yeah. Like, if everybody had a wolf- And our subjects, really if everybody had a wolf, maybe you wouldn't feel that way about them. What's the first question, Chase? These are would you rathers related to animals. Woof, woof. All right. Did you not understand that one? Okay, I'll say it, I'll do it in English. Oh. Oh, yeah. Well- Would you rather have one poisonous snake as a pet- No or 50 cats? Oh. One poisonous snake. You don't have to do, you don't have to interact much with a poisonous snake. And I mean, it's… They're fine. They're always fine. A snake is always fine. They're not gonna get out, right? I mean, how do snakes get out? Somehow snakes get out. Well, a lot of people take them out and show them off and play around with them. It's po- My best friend in high school, his snake got out all the time and they would find it in, like, a different bed of the house. What kind of snake? Boa? Uh, it was a- Python? … constrictor. I don't remember what kind of constrictor- Yeah … it was, but I, I remember reading later that, like, a snake will lay next to something to size it up to see if they can, like, swallow it whole. So then, uh, promptly when, when we went to college, my best friend's mom gave it to some other kid in the, in the neighborhood 'cause she didn't want to deal with it. And it, and it laid next to it and swallowed it? And I've never seen that kid since. A poisonous snake, 'cause I mean, at least with a python, like we had a corn snake for a while. Like, you, you could take it out and you'd be like, "Oh, I'm playing with…" He doesn't care. The ca- the snake doesn't care. A reptile isn't, like, s- thinking about how it wants to kiss you or anything. But- But s- they do have different personalities and- Personalities … some of them are more- Dis- let's say dispositions handle, handleable. Let's not get carried away. 50 cats, though. Let's switch to that. Okay. That's too many. That's, I mean- The… You're gonna, you're gonna die early with that much just cat urine. Well, you're gonna get toxoplasmosis. Yeah. You're- Well- If you don't get that, you're still gonna sniff, you're gonna sniff enough cat urine by cleaning up litter boxes and stuff that it's gon- that's gonna kill you. You can't keep 50 cats- There's so many ways it's gonna kill you … and be normal. 50 cats. Right? You can't have 50 cats and then live a normal life. You can have a poisonous snake somewhere and nobody has to know about it. There are laws against how many cats you can have. Yeah. Okay, so let's go, like, to, like, 10 cats. How about 10 cats versus a poisonous snake? I- Does that change things for you? Where's the line? Where's, yeah, like where's the- We're in a bad spot with our cat right now, so- I, I just don't think- Yeah, all I know about cats is Link's cat. It's been peeing on the bed. I mean, we had to throw out an entire mattress. Good gracious. Um, because he peed on it. Oh, God. Snake won't do that. It, because there's nothing you can do. You can like spray this enzymatic stuff on it that'll like break it down and, and now we're try- he refuses to go in his litter box. What happened was we m- we changed something around in Lillie's room, and now he's peeing on everything 'cause he's unhappy about it or anxious or something or whatever, so I mean, our entire lives are devoted to quarantining, corralling, and- He's not going into the lirr- litter box right now? co- coercing him to go back into the litter box. Yeah. But where, so where is he peeing? If he's peeing right now, where is he peeing? The bed's not there. He finds then other rugs in our house. Oh. Yeah. You know what? You need a snake. A poisonous snake to bite that cat. Oh, hey, hey, hey, that's not even funny. And, but the thing is we, the cat won us over. We love Sokka, and everything was good, and now he's back on the naughty list. Yeah. I couldn't… I, I mean, to have double that, two cats, I'm going poisonous snake, and I hate snakes. Yeah, I think any more than one cat, you go, you move to snake. Definitely true. If I'm choosing between snake or cat, I'm choosing cat, but if I'm choosing between snake or cats, I'm choosing snake. I have two cats, and they, they, they get along really well, which is nice, 'cause if I'm out I know that they're not lonely. Okay. But- Well, add a snake to the mix and see what happens. Yeah, I don't want a snake, but I did, I did love when we had a snake collectively. That was fun. I think people who have snakes, it's cool to go to their house, especially if they have- Mm-hmm like a cool… I went to a guy's house, and he had a whole, he opened up a door, and he had a whole wall of terrariums. He's like a guy that, he's like a, he's like a repti- he's like a bug handler. You know? Like, he works with bugs. A Hollywood- He's a Hollywood bug guy. I remember you telling me about him. And, uh, his house is absolutely incredible, but he's got a bunch of bugs and spiders. And he takes them out, and he holds them, but he, but, like, that's a situation where it feels different. It feels like I'm going to a zoo, you know? But I'm not going to, like, your 13-year-old's stinky bedroom, and there's a rattlesnake in there. I don't care about that. Next. Okay. Would you rather uncontrollably bark at every mailman you see or spend the rest of your life fighting an overwhelming urge to smell butts? Well I mean, I don't see- I mean, I already got the second one. I don't- I mean, I'm already dealing with that. So I mean, you're, you're looking at the problem right here. So- Who's this guy? You like to smell butts, dude? Uh, hey, don't ru- Hey, hey, I mean, I may… I, I confessed a little something, and then now you just… Hey, let it lie, man. Or else I'm gonna start barking at you like a, like you're a mailman. I can't tell you the last time I saw a mailman. Oh, I thought you were gonna say- That was it … I can't tell you the last time I smelled a butt. I mean, am I gonna start encountering mailmen off-duty and I'm just, that's how I know they're a mailman 'cause I'll be barking at people when I'm, like, walking down the street? No, only when seeing a mailman. If I'm sitting- I hope those butts are off-duty, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, that's part of… That's why you smell them, to check Sorry, Link, I seem to have upset you with that. Well, I just feel like if we, if we- Duty or the D. Yeah. Is what he means by that. It's not that you upset me, it's just I think you can have a constant urge- I don't know wh- I don't know, I don't know how to respond to it. Maybe this is what I'll say. Maybe this is what I'll say. You can have a constant urge to do something and just not do it. But you, if you have to bark at every mailman, that's a problem. Everybody has a butt. Everybody's not a mailman. I don't see mailmen except- Everybody has a mailman … when they're off duty and I happen to be at the movie theater and I find myself barking, "Oh, he must be a mailman." No, no, no, no, no. It wouldn't work like that. He, he, he or she has to be in uniform doing their job. It can't… They don't know. The dog doesn't know. I think this is great. I mean, they're used to it, except not from a human, so it's like… And in between barks, I'm, can probably explain myself. But everybody has a butt, and if I'm const- a- any… I mean, I'm looking around at y'all's butts, wanting to sniff y'all. Do you wanna work with me? No, because you don't tell everyone that's what you constantly un- like uncontrollably want to do. No, I will tell you. Oh. That, you know what? That's the difference between me and you. I can keep my desires quiet. But the problem with that is you're torturing yourself. No, no. I'm letting people in. You're developing an incredible discipline. You're like a Zen master. Well, he already wants to smell butts. Yeah, yeah. Here, here's the thing is that- We've established that … they're like, "How are you so cool, calm, and collected?" And you say, "Actually, I'm not. I constantly wanna smell butts." I just look- It's like your secret Hulk power is just like- I just look like I'm doing okay … that's my secret. I always wanna smell butts. I look like I'm doing okay, but I really wanna smell your butt right now. And you- So that's, we're, so hey, we, we, we have a difference on this one. And, but, and why- Why you wanna smell a butt? … does a dog have to sn- ha- have… Why does the nose have to get so close to the butt? Because they have so many nerve endings. Then exactly, they don't need to get that close. No, because it's just, like, overwhelming. It's just, like, you know. They put their nose right up to the butt. Yeah. Take a little, take a little home. It's just like, leave an inch, man. Leave an inch. No, they actually wanna make contact so it sta- that's why their nose is wet, so it can get a little on it. No, that's not true. Don't, don't just say those things. Next. Would you rather be the one who gives birth like male seahorses, or be killed and consumed after sex like male praying mantises? Oh. Sh- That's easy. Give birth, man. Y- you don't, 'cause y- you don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. How do they give birth? I wanna live to smell another butt. The- So- … the female lays the eggs on the male. The female lay, lays the eggs, like, into the male's, I think it's, like, a pouch. Mm-hmm. You're gonna have to get a pouch or st- And then the male carries them until they all just come bursting forth into the underwater environs. Are they seahorses or humans that I'm carrying? You're carrying humans, but you've got, like, the same amount of humans inside you- Whoa that little male seahorses have. Whoa, that's a lot, isn't it? Yeah, just- I'm like that- Thousands … I'm like that doctor, the, the sperm doctor. That might kill you. You know, that guy, had all the kids. I'd rather die- They made a documentary about him … I'd rather die from sex than child, male childbirth. Yeah, but then you get the… So then, but then the whole time y- in your life, you're thinking, "Man, the next time I have sex, one time, I'm gonna die?" Or- That's no good … the next time I have sex I could then get pregnant and then have to endure the pregnancy and then die. How long is a seahorse pregnancy? Well, I'm choosing sex and die. Christy, you would get pregnant, but then put the babies inside your pouch to carry- Yeah, you just- … to term … you al- you already ca- have a fanny pack. You're fine. All I'm saying is they both start with sex. One, I die immediately. The other one, I have to carry and birth a bunch of seahorses, which kill me. But how long is a seahorse gestation period? Uh, anywhere from nine to 45 days. Nine days? That's a long week with a big fanny pack. You can do it. But it's gonna be painful to have nine s- So you're saying you'd rather have the pain still be for the woman in humans when, in terms of childbirth? S- well, I'm not making a decision for all women, Rhett. It sounds like y- you are. It sounds like you are. I'm taking it on the chin, or I'm taking it in the pouch. Okay, next. I'm having sex and dying. Kaz, you want to un-crap there? What if- Would you rather eat a gallon tub of wet cat food… Sorry, Rhett, I'll let you speak in a second. No, no, I was gonna say. Or a single live goldfish. A gallon tub of what? Okay. Never mind. What is- Well, sorry, we're having our own conversation back here … yeah, what are you, what is happening back there? Uh, you know, just the producing stuff and writing stuff. Gallon tub of what? Cat food, wet cat food. Would you rather eat- Wet cat food … a gallon tub of wet cat food or a single live goldfish? Okay, before you answer that question, just running this, the last one back just a second. What if the question was you get to have sex one more time in your life, but you will, you'd definitely be eaten after it Like, you really gotta plan that out. Oh, you're saying because of the choice I made- Would you just- when am I gonna do it? Would you just not have sex again? Because if you can not have sex long enough- That's right … you get to be old enough and then you don't care, and then you just have a normal life and you're just old, and there was just the sex- the sexless years. That's what I should have said. See? Well, that was a different scenario. I'm celibate. Okay, uh- I'm celibate … one live goldfish or a whole gallon of wet cat food? Uh, g- I don't, I, I mean, I don't love eating goldfish, but it's swallowable. I mean, many have proven that you can swallow, regurgitate, and it'll still be swimming. Yeah, this is, I mean, I'm not taking into account the morality, the ethics of this. I'm definitely doing the goldfish. A catfish, a catfish. Cat food tastes awful, and a gallon of it, I'd be sick for weeks. Yeah. But a goldfish- A gallon is a lot of cat food … I'd be uncomfortable for a little bit. I don't think you'd be uncomfortable at all, except for the knowing that it's dying in your stomach acid. Mm-hmm. Which makes me uncomfortable. Yeah, I don't wanna do either one, just to be clear. This isn't like the sniffing butts situation. Yeah, he's not swallowing goldfish left and right. These are both negative Yeah, we're gonna swallow a goldfish and you're gonna have to deal with it. Got it. And if you brought one out right now, I would do it. I, I wouldn't. All right, Lucas. Not on camera, and I wouldn't admit to it. Nevermind. All right. Stand down, Lucas. Would you rather sleep in a human-sized dog cage or a human-sized cat tree? Okay, the teaser. The teaser. I mean, isn't this pretty clear? It's not in a dog cage like a kennel. A cat tree sounds amazing. I, if I could build- Yes … a giant cat tree, human-sized cat tree, and I'm sure somebody's done it and it's like a Airbnb you can rent. Or it's just a YouTube video. Right. That it's like, "Oh, that's a good idea. I'm gonna click on it." And then it's just- It immediately falls apart … it's somebody talking to seven-year-olds in, like, an incessant tone. I'm gonna build a cat thing that I'm gonna sleep in today. Oh, yeah. You know that already exists. I know it exists. But easy, easy. Cat tree sounds great. Mm-hmm. It's carpeted, first of all. I l- I love it. I don't wanna sleep in a cage. I love this idea. And they have different zones, and then you could have, like It's just different ways to, like, curl up and sleep and, like, scratch things and … It's just awesome. My dog- You think- My dogs like their, I call it their bedroom. Say, "Get in your bedroom," and they sleep in their bedroom, which is a, it's a collapsible, um, so it's travelable. But it's, like, this big around, and then it's got a dog bed that, like Our favorite blankets are these, they're called Johnny Was blankets. They're great. The dogs love them, too. And Johnny Was makes a, a dog bed. Oh, I was about to say, you're not putting human blankets in there. And, um, so we have that upstairs, and then when we go to bed every night, we're like, "Get in your bedroom," and they just run in there and lay down, and we zip it up. And then at, in the morning I let them out and y- take, and then if Christy's not awake yet, I'll put them in the dog … Or if every, when everybody leaves home, we'll put it in the one in the garage. "Get in your bedroom," and they'll just run, get in there, 'cause they love it. Do you think I should stop saying, "Go to jail?" Yeah. When I put them to bed? You said "All right, go to jail, guys." 'Cause it looks like a old-timey jail. The, do they act like they like it? Oh, yeah, they love it. Yeah. They love jail. I mean, if they know it's called jail, jail to them means good things. Uh, yeah. They … Now, here's the thing. So, dogs love their kennel. Barbara used to have her own crate, of course, and we did not crate her at night because Barbara was a good dog. Uh, and then Sean showed up and screwed everything up for Barbara. And so now we crate both of them together in the same crate at night, and it's plenty big for the two little dogs that they are. But, like, Sean, the first time this ever happened, like, Sean got in and he, like, curled up, like, right at the entrance, and then Barbara just, like, stands there and she, like, looks at me and she's like, "Are you kidding me?" And then eventually… And so, but every night she look, she looks up before she goes in there, and then she, like, reluctantly jumps over Sean, who's in the front, and goes to the back. And then- Uh-huh … Sean just immediately gets in there, curls down, and, like, goes to sleep. Barbara jumps over Sean, go, goes to the back, turns around and sits and looks at me. Like, she's never gonna let, let me forget that- Yeah … she's not happy about this situation. She's like, "I could be in your bed right now if it weren't for this little bastard." I remember how it used to be. Yeah, right. And, and she tells you every single time? Yeah, so she's not as happy about it as Sean is. Do you put water in there for them? No. My dogs now insist on having water, because once we start … They slept in the bed. Both of them slept in the bed, and then Jasper would sneak out of bed. Jade too. Once Jasper started doing it, then Jade started doing it, and then they would use the bathroom while we were sleeping, and then Jade would refuse to … She wouldn't, she won't jump into the bed 'cause her legs are too short, or sh- she just doesn't want to. So she'll flap her ears to wake me up so that I'll pick her up and put her back in the bed. So we're like, "Listen, you're not using the bathroom, and you're not sleeping in the bed anymore because you're not waking me up." Waking up in the middle of the night to clean up stuff is boring. But putting water inside the crate makes them have to pee. So then putting them, I put them in the crate, and then they started crying, and we realized that then they just wanted water, which they didn't want when they were in the bed with us. Well, the key is to not have the crate in the bedroom. But now, mm. You know, we have that- We're, we're fine now … we have that spot underneath the stairs. They, they don't drink, uh, too much water. Uh, we had that spot underneath the stairs that used to be, like, the boys', like, little fort area. Yeah. And it's perfect. And so it's got these shutter doors that go on it. And so, I mean, I'm in my bedroom with the noise maker on. I mean, all hell could break loose, and Barbara and Sean will have to wait it out to the morning. Oh, wow. They're way down there. Yeah. They'll be fine. Huh. One more quick one. Would you rather have skin glands that make you smell as musky as a ferret or have a dog-like anal glands that need to be expressed every three weeks? Oh. Okay. What? So if you've got musk glands, and you, you're gonna smell bad all the time. You don't want that. But anal glands, you just have to get ahead of it. I mean, expressing your anal glands is something that is just something that we won't talk about, but that we, we just agree that I, I'll, I do it on my, on my own time. Yeah, and I- It can be a private thing. And I do like the idea of, like, when it's time to change them or to express them, just randomly at, like, a party, I'll just get up and rub my butt on the carpet. Ha. Yeah. Just so every- just so Jessie knows it's time, 'cause she's gonna be the one doing it. Get a behind the scenes look at this episode on Behind the Mythicality exclusively on the Mythical Society. My dog voice. Maybe, maybe get it all out now. I guarantee you Rhett's gonna use that same voice