Good Mythical Weekend! What’s the worst thing you could text to someone in your contact list? Let’s find out! This is Text or Dare! Hello everyone! Hello! Hi! Hello Stevie! Welcome, welcome! You, you guys are in the hot seat! I’m technically in the hot seat, but I don’t have to text anyone today, and you’re going to have to text people awful. You would just do it for, like, solidarity? No. I am always like, why, hey, why don’t you do it? No. If you’re making me do it. No, no, that wouldn’t be right. You could text me more if you want. Okay, wait, after, not right now, but after. Whatever you want. Um, so this is how this works. I have some categories of things. The categories in them have texts that I need you to send to various people in your contacts of your choice. This is the dare chair, which means you’re all going to have to send the baseline text in a category, but you’re also going to have to opt in at least once to send the elevated dare edition. So basically, like, once I say a category, you might want to volunteer for the dare chair if you think you can take the dare elevation. Because you’re going to have to take it at some point. You know what I’m saying? Sure. So, your first category is Feet. Oh. Oh. I’ll take the chair. Okay. Okay. I’ll take the chair. I’m sliding over here. I think that’s a good move. I just want to get it over with so I don’t have to be scared the whole time, and also I like famously think feet are really cute. I think it’s weird when people don’t like feet. Like men’s feet? In what world would it be men’s feet? Also, Jordan, you said, I find it really weird when people don’t like feet. It usually gets the other way around. Yeah. I know and I think those people are wrong. I think, I’m like, feet are so clean, they’re like in your shoe all day. So clean? Your hands, hands are nasty. That, feet. Jordan, your feet may be clean, but not everybody’s feet is clean. Actually, no, Jordan’s convincing me on this. She, when, when, when, the hands, hands compared to feet, hands are nasty. Hands are nasty, and I think feet, you know, not everyone, listen, people have nasty feet, don’t get me wrong, but as a concept, I think it’s weird that we’re more grossed out by feet than hands. When hands are like touching, people are sucking on them, I don’t like it. Yeah, show of hands, who always, you know. I have good news. We will, we will be seeing your feet, Jordan. We will be seeing how clean they are. Absolutely not! You said we were going to the dare chair! I didn’t say I was giving feet for free to these fans! I don’t, I don’t even know whose feet did you think we would be texting out? I thought I would be sending a text to my mom that said, Let me suck on your feet, queen! Listen, listen. That’s what I thought was going to happen, and I was fine with that. But everybody has to send this text. Hey, send me a pic of your feet, will explain later. That’s the baseline text. Great. Now Jordan, for you, it will be that. And then a secondary text. Send a pic of your own foot and text, here’s one of mine for reference. Got it. Yeah, just keep your feet under the table. Nobody gets feet for free. You guys close your eyes. Nobody gets feet for free. This is really funny because I was gonna do this. To the group chat that I have with Matt Lieb and Jordan Morris because of our podcast, free with ads, we know we’ve already done this. I’ve asked for pictures of their feet. We have posted it. Me being the only man on stage, I can’t text any of my women friends because that would ruin the relationship. And my, since, uh, last time we did this, my relationship with my sister, I don’t know, will ever be the same. All right. Okay. I got something. I texted my friend from high school. Okay. We’ve known each other for years. I knew she would reply. She’s a corporate girl. You know what I mean? What’s she doing? Sending an email? So she said, I texted her, and then she said, R O T F L, oh my gosh. And then I will say, at first the picture didn’t come through. It was coming up as a JPEG. And then I said, could you resend it? Didn’t come through. Urgent, and then she said, R O T F L, what? And then she said, I’m so confused here. Are you going to tell me why you need a picture of my feet? You have to use me for a feet finder. And then she did send the pic. Nice. And her feet are cute. And like, what’s the vibe of the feet? This was clearly a home day, because she’s kind of doing one of these, and it’s like feet at home, and it’s bare. You know? OK, that’s a real friend. Yeah. That’s a real friend. I love the R O T F L. OK, I don’t, I don’t, how old is this person? She’s the same age as me. Okay. Yeah. So whatever age you think that is. No more questions. Whatever age you think that might be. No more questions. No follow ups. I’m actually 20. Ha ha ha ha ha. 20. Alright, Leonard. Um, I texted my homie Max Eddie. He is a comic and he’s about to be my roommate. Maybe not anymore. I said, send me a picture of your feet, and he said, absolutely not. And then I said, I said, damn, thought you were a real friend. And he hasn’t responded since. So, uh, may have lost a roommate. We’ll see. What do we got? Well, well I texted my dad, uh, but he had his notifications on, like, like, silent. So then I said, notify anyway. And he still hasn’t responded, so then I went to my best friend, my dad’s my first best friend and it’s my second best friend, um, Bridge, who is awesome. And my friend Bridge, corporate girl, okay? She’s gonna, she sent two photos. She sent both together and then an angle of one because it has a cut. And then I said, how did you get the cut? And she says, I … have no idea. I have to say, people are rude to me all the time about doing nothing for a job as a comedian. What are corporate girls doing? They just take pictures of their feet. Take pictures of their feet immediately at 10 o’clock in the morning? Aren’t they in a meeting? Bridges in a hotel room taking pictures of their feet. Paid for by the corporation. I just got another text back and he said, that was a fair assumption. Wow. Guess we’re not friends anymore. Well, well. Thanks, Mythical! I’m sure it’ll be fine. Hey, I don’t want to brag, but let’s see my text solidified a friendship more. And I think, Oh, really cool. Um, I texted my boss here, Justine. Um, and I said, Hey, can you send me a picture of your feet? I’ll explain later. I sent mine. Here’s one of mine. She sent just a bare photo of her foot. Good foot, good foot, good foot, good foot, that’s my boss’s foot. And it has kind of a hue to it, and she said, It’s not actually purple, but maybe it is. And then she said, Also, you are one of the only people who I will send a pic of my feet to, No questions asked, so you should be honored. Awww. And I said, It’s beautiful. And I am honored. Wow. Real fans. And, and, what, did she say anything about your foot? No, but I’m sure she’s seen it before. We’re doing all kinds of stuff you shouldn’t be doing at Sporked. You guys have a similar foot that is like perfectly, like sloped. I got a big old finger one in there. Okay, which one? Like the second one. The second one is wild! Oh, longer than the first one. I got like two stars on wiki feed. I’ve heard if you have one toe longer, it’s supposed to mean you’re smarter. Well, I’m going to put that to rest. Uh, I texted a few people and I’m very excited about the two responses. I got one is my, my aunt, Michelle. Um, good one. I said, Hey, can you send me a picture of your feet? She goes, that’s weird. And then sent me a picture of a plushie, a plushie’s feet. Whoa. She’s beautiful. I also texted my friend, Caitlin, who does my hair also. I said, send me a picture of your feet. She goes, free feet photo. I’m like, yeah, we won’t show it. Promise. And she goes, uh, lol, they look horrible. And I said, just a slutty little sock. And then she sent me a cute little sock pick. Look how cute these socks are. That’s cute. Oh, I like how she also is angled out. She’s kind of in a dainty thing. But I mean, she’s not weirded out by anything. I asked her where to find mushrooms yesterday. Okay, we are moving on to Adult Films. Oh boy. Adult Films. I’ll be in there. Okay. Emily’s taking the air. The baseline text for everyone is I think I just saw your dad in a Pornhub video. Oh, God. The D. A. R. E. edition. Okay. Tell them the name of the video, which you must make up. Uh, okay. I have to text somebody who I know their dad, so that way. We got a response. I’m not gonna read it. Oh, good lord. Alright, what do we got? What do we got? Um, I texted my best friend, um, in Atlanta. We went to high school together. I would always go to his house for Thanksgiving. Always go to his house for Christmas. And, uh, I texted him. Did not get a response. But then he texted back in a group chat that we are in with another friend of ours. It’s three of us. He screenshotted the text, and then he said, This gotta be one of the top three most out of pocket texts I’ve ever received. LOL. And then, and then, my other friend went, Ayo, with a skull emoji. That’s a compliment to the writers. That’s a compliment to the writer team. And then my other friend just said, Bro, I’m in tears. Okay, writers are crushing it. What do we got, Addy? What did you do? Well, still waiting on a foot pic from my dad. Cannot wait, hopefully that comes in, but I texted Bridge again, my friend, because she’s just back and responding, because she’s there, and And I said, I think I just saw your dad in a Pornhub video, and she just said, don’t you dare say that. And, but she’s saying it in a fun way, and the thing that I’m kind of getting from this is, I’m learning that I can text Bridge anything. Which also, she probably thinks you’re just rubbing one out. I mean, it’s a little boy who cried wolf, because I always text Bridge when I’m rubbing the bean, you know? Yeah, yeah, she knows. You’ve got great concentration, great multitasking skills. I’m ADHD. I only have so many hands Emily. All right. I texted my buddy Scott from high school. I know Scott. Yeah, he’s a good one. Also, this was tough because I’m now that I’m realizing it almost all of my friends dads are dead, have dementia or in jail like. That’s men for you. They’re either dead, dementia, or in jail. No. In other words, unavailable. Emotionally or otherwise. I will say that those are my three top PornHub categories. There you go. I said, Hey I just, I just saw your dad in a porn. He said, Been wanting to reach out to you because I missed you at Christmas. But not like this. Hahahaha. And then I said, Does Dirty Sneakers Bareback Russian Truck Stop Sound Familiar? And he said, I mean….. That’s fun. Wait, one more time with the title. Dirty Sneakers Bareback Russian Truck Stop. What I think is interesting about your text is, Sock on, shoe on? Condom off. Condom off. No condom. Shoes on. Yep. Foot protection. No penis protection. Why the hand movement? And it was a white tube for that. Condom off. As I famously do it all the time. I say, Condom off. Then I wave it in the wind. And then I throw it out my car window. Like you’re a lady in World War II with throwing a hanky in the wind at her husband as he goes to war. Yeah, that’s how I do it. Yeah. She, she dots the tears on her eyes. Yeah. Yep. Okay, Jordan. Well. I wanted to be as funny as possible. So speaking of dead dads, Um, I texted my fiancé whose dad is dead. Damn! You leaned in. I leaned in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, Kendall, I think I just saw your dad in a Pornhub video. She said, no you didn’t. What do you mean? Jordan, what do you mean? From what year? And also, where does she think you are right now? Well, she had surgery earlier this week. So she is high on painkillers. Oh, okay. Perfect. And I said 1997. And she said, my conception with a heart. Hahahahaha. That is classic. I love that. Okay, Rachel. Okay, Rachel. I texted a different friend of mine. This is one of my best friends. Um, and I said, I think I just saw your dad in a Pornhub video. And she just said, What? Now, look, my friends know me, okay? They know what my business is. And she said, are you at Mythical Morning? And then she said, is this a prank or not? She clocked you, immediately. She clocked it, but I haven’t confirmed or denied. She’s still worried. She’s concerned. She’s googling. Her dad’s name on film. Yeah. Is that just me? Is my dad in porn? What would be some pseudonyms? What stage names would my dad have? What would my dad’s beard, father, uh, gene twerk. What would my dad’s porn name be? That’s a different episode of this. Okay, the category is Wrong Number. And a lot of you haven’t been in this chair. I’m nervous about it. Yeah, I’m a little nervous about it. I’m nervous too. Who cares? Let’s go. Okay, the text is Just get rid of it. It has blood on it. It’s a real one. The follow up dare is a text that says He deserved it though. Right, okay. She’s like, oh that makes it better. Right, okay. Okay. Alright, still no foot from my dad, but I’m an only child so he’s gotta remember me sometime. Um, second, I texted Bridget again and I said just get rid of it, it has blood on it. And she said, the foot? Question mark, question mark, question mark. So we’re really keeping this conversation going, and I really can’t wait to see what you make me say next. Because I’m not responding unless what you tell me to. Actually, what I’m going to make you say next will be perfect for Bridge. Oh, perfect. Okay, Rachel, what do we got? We had the, we had the escalation, so. Yeah, so just get rid of it, it has blood on it, he deserved it though. And then she said, get rid of what? And then I said, [bleep] and then she said You know what? If that text was not for me, I’mma just mind my business. But she’s actually still trying to reply right now, so she may have more to say. She might be not minding her business. Right, she might have questions. That makes sense. Yeah. Okay, that’s good. Okay. Jordan? I texted one of my best friends Rekha and I said just get rid of it, there’s blood on it and she said I presume this wasn’t for me, but wow, what a tease. Okay, okay, wait. Okay, um, I say, I said to my homegirl Natasha, she’s a comic, just get rid of it, there’s blood on it. She said, what’s that now? I said, oh damn, my bad. Then a minute later I said, don’t even worry about it. And then she said, I’m a little worried about it. Okay, this is the follow up text Sorry, wrong number. There we go. That’s how it connected to the, to the. You were holding on to that that whole time? To the category, yeah. I thought that the wrong number would be nice for Bridge. Yes, and Bridge did just say ‘Are you on drugs?’ So I can’t wait to see what happens next Okay, this category of course is Mystery. Mystery is the category. Like, the category is a mystery? Or the category is like, Agatha Christie? We’ll find out once I read a little bit more down the card. Nice. But for now, I’ve just read Mystery. Well, it’s either me or you. It’s you because I want to go last so I don’t have to choose. Okay. I guess it’s me then. Okay. The text is ‘Just got my 23andMe results.’ ‘Were you ever going to tell me?’ Gosh, it’s gonna be hard to thread for Bridge. You like, can only text that to your mom, right? Well, anybody that you’re related to. Yeah, especially people with dead dads. Or somebody that you are romantically involved with. Okay, the escalation part, you have to follow up with an audio message that says liars don’t make it into heaven. Jesus Christ. Yo. Yo. Okay. We’re all going to hell. Because we’re all lying. All right, here we go. And, liars don’t make it to heaven, yeah. You know who I’m talking about. You know what I’m, my classic catchphrase. You know what I’m talking about. You know what I’m talking about. You know what I’m saying. Alright, what do we got? Um, I texted another one of my best friends, Colin, because I’m kind of in a similar boat to Emily. My parents would have nothing, uh, to say. So I sent it to Colin, and Colin said, distressing, but hope you got the results you wanted. Really supportive, really sweet. Just a friend. Just a friend. Just a good, solid guy, you know? Who does not have time for further details. Yeah, he doesn’t, he’s busy, you know, he’s got a job. And we’re gonna nip this in the butt. He’s a corporate girl, he’s sending pictures of his feet in a hotel room. He’s got stuff to do. Um, so actually my mom just, uh, well, my mom called me, um, and then I had to obviously silence the call and then she said, tell you what? And then she said, I sent my ancestry results to you. So she did. Yeah. She’s believing something crazy has happened. She’s like, I told you. I’m gonna be honest, my family has mad secrets. So… She sounds upset. So honestly, my heart is racing. Wait, but she sent you the results, like, after you texted or previously? She has previously sent me results that she did. She’s just reaffirming. Right, like, there’s nothing to hide. What did you find? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, uh, what, what has Bridge got for us? Well, I’ll tell you who doesn’t have anything for me, and it’s my dad. Um, still nothing. We did do 23andMe because he found out that he was adopted when his mom died and she only left a key to a safety deposit box, and when he opened it up, his adoption papers were in there. So we’ve had a fun 23andMe. But anyways, Bridge, but Bridge said Bitch, what the f k? Yeah, so I can’t wait to see what I send her next. Um, I sent this and then I sent the Liars don’t make it to heaven. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. And yeah, I just got a big old laughing emoji from my sister. And then she put, I was hoping you would never find out. I texted my mom, my dad, my sister. My mom and my dad, they, I knew they weren’t going to respond. My mom lives in Raleigh, she’s probably working. My dad lives in Hawaii, he’s probably working. That’s what they do. And my sister is hip, to what she, I texted her last time, so I think she knows what’s going on. Yeah, so, no relationships ruined. Well, we still have one more round. Yeah, that’s right, let her get up. And, uh, you have got to go. Yeah, you gotta go. That’s right, I gotta go. And let’s, let’s see what Bridge is gonna get from me. The category is, Love. Love. Alright. Okay, I’ll write this. Okay? This is a heightening. Here’s the everyone text. Oh boy. 2025 is my year of honesty, so I want you to know that I sometimes masturbate to you. No! Stevie, no! What are you doing to me, guys? People know I’m horny. This is not good. This is gonna feel legitimate right here. The escalation part. Oh boy. God, now that joke about Me telling Bridge about learning how to masturbate is now being a lie. I’ve never done that. Follow up with a. No, no, no, no, no, no, Stevie! Follow up with a photo of them and write, This is my go to. Oh, my God. Woo, I’m glad I did mystery. Maybe, maybe I’ll just text my dad one more time. No! The problem is I have to text Bridge. I feel like this is another Aunt Michelle. Do I have to send it to a, I gotta send it to a guy, right? I gotta send it to a homie, that’s what, I can’t send it to a woman. Landlord? I’ve also never said the word masturbate so many times. Alright, what do we got? Rachel? Yes, I sent a text to my friend Lily, and then she replied a bunch of exclamation points, and then she said, what does that mean? I mean, I think you were pretty clear about what it means. Right, well, I was like, be open to it. It’s kind of flattering. Yeah, super flattering. It’s like, you’re my friend, I love you. And sometimes right before I’m about to go to bed, you’re coming to my mind. Nice. Jordan? And Rachel and I kind of talked about it and we said, Oh, it’d be so funny if we both texted Lily. Um, and so I texted Lily that exact same thing. Um, and she did not respond. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. Look at that. Damn. You know what I’m saying? Yeah, exactly. Right. Some people got the sauce. Okay, Emily. Did you also text Lily? I texted my good friend Amber Nelson from. Oh, last name. Yeah, well, she’s from Last Podcast on the left. Good friend. Okay. Cool, cool chick. Double podcast. How many podcasts can you plug in one episode, Emily? Yeah, she’s from the network. Yeah, she’s cool. I knew her in New York. I said, uh, I said the thing, and then she said, Aw, that’s really sweet actually, smiley face. Ha ha, thank you. That’s nice. Wow. Yeah. Women are so weird. As the only man on the panel. Well, are you ready? Because we still have Addie to go. OK, Addie can go. OK, yeah, yeah. OK, what’s the update? Well, I have some news, which is my dad sent me photos of his feet. My dad sent me photos of his feet. He’s just like me and just takes a long time to respond to texts. But what about this one? What about the, uh, the, the mastermate to you? Okay, I texted Bridge. Um, with, with, with, honestly this is a hot photo. This is a sick photo of Bridge. And, Bridge responded, I look good there, TBH. Which, which again, is, this is Bridge saying that this, that she thinks this is normal. For me to text her this. I didn’t know this about myself. I didn’t know this was my reputation with my friends. I kinda like that it’s in everything, anything goes, so. Okay, Leonard, this one was particularly difficult for you. Yeah, very difficult for me, as the only man, um, on this, uh, this episode. It took me a long time to find someone to text because uh, if you know me and you know my comedy, I’m horny so this could feel very genuine. This could feel very real to a lot of people, so it took me some time to figure out who to send. I was like, oh, let me send my homegirl Alex, we go way back, we homies, she is sexually open, we even went on a date one time, you know, years ago, years ago, and she hasn’t responded. Uh huh, uh huh, that’s gonna be rough. Hahaha, so… 2025, let’s go! Okay, yes, I think, I think you probably have enough, uh, secondhand embarrassment to last you through the week to the next Good Mythical Weekend where I’m sure there will be more. But thank y’all for embarrassing yourselves for entertainment and thank y’all for watching. We’ll see you next weekend. You’re welcome. Bye. And I am calling Bridge. Yeah. It makes you feel safe. And then I, yeah, I feel close to, I guess I never really thought about it like that too, until like I realized like maybe the reason I love this McDoubles ’cause I feel close to my father and my brothers and that’s such a weird thought. I didn’t, I didn’t think that this, this meant that much to me until you just said that, which is such a beautiful thing.