| Hey Whatcha doing? Driving, whatcha doing? Driving and texting. Hmmm. Are you sure you should be doing that? Dm Yes, because. I’m a textpert An expert at texting A# C Rejecting the notion that you think I’ll be wrecking Dm Due to the fact that I’m distracted?! A# C I multitask best behind the wheel when I get textually active Dm YOU should keep both eyes on the road, sir. For real A# C You’ll look down, look up and end up in the trunk of another automobile Dm Leave it to a pro. Be incommunicado A# C Dm Until you get to where you need to go, this conversation’s O. Ver Dm No it isn’t? Yes it is No it isn’t! Dm Cause I’m a textpert! An expert at texting A# C Pressing, my keypad when my car’s not resting Dm I can divide my attention up A# C I got so much attention, I’ve got an eleven-tion Dm With one eye on the road; one eye on my phone A# C I texted-in this drive-thru order for my latte and scone Thank you Dm Now I’m-n-a text-n-eat-n-sip-n-dip and shift A# C It in to D and then chin-drive home Gm I’m a textpert A textin’ traveler who doesn’t need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur I’m a textpert Don’t worry, nobody’s gonna get hurt-urt-urt-urt-urt Dm Sometimes I text both sides of a conversation A# C Cause it’s tough to keep up with my text-ual pacing Dm On rare occasion, when I’ve got nothing to text about A# C I text myself reminders of what I’m doing now Dm I carry on, more concurrent conversations A# C Than one phone alone is prone to accept So, I’ve Dm Tested and perfected my patented method: A# C The second handset hands-free toe text | Dm I ride with my Swedish Masseuse A# C She gimme deep tissue thumb shiatzu Dm My yogi shows me hand yoga poses, like: A# C Downward Facing Pinky and Thumb Lotus Dm I’ll never stoop so low, as to text photos A# C Instead I text the correct combo of 1’s and 0’s Dm I’m an artiste! Using ASCII! A# C I just texted this toad to an art gallery Dm I text more, than the next bored prepubescent tween! A# C In fact I’ve text-induced my own second puberty! Dm How does that work exactly? A# C Everything that happened before is happening some more That’s all I’m comfortable sharing at this time… Dm I gave a lift to a drifter! A# And texted his estranged sister C And now I’m hostin’ em here for dinner! Dm Well did I mention I’m a text-itrician? A# C A next-gen OB/GYN, a Lamaze text-nician Dm Well, I’m the next Dr. Phil of SMS A# C I’m poppin’ out babies with the power of text! Gm I’m a textpert A textin’ traveler who doesn’t need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur I’m a textpert Don’t worry, nobody’s gonna get hurt-urt-urt-urt-urt Gm By the way, where’re you headed son? Headed West on 421 Uh-huh West?! Yes. You? Me? I’m headed… “If you’re texting, you’re not driving.” |