My friend Ben has never had the Crunch wrap Supreme from Taco Bell until today. [music playing] We all got to eat and we all remember our firsts, Ben Schwartz, welcome back to the show. What an exciting moment this is. Isn’t this– welcome to my– What an exciting moment this is. Oh, come on. Bring it here. Welcome to my Real Life car. What if I put it in drive and we just went for it? I think we could do that. Where would we go? Escondido. Ooh. Could we go to Escondido? I think we could. I got a full tank of gas. We got Baja blast to, to blast the ride. When I, when I lived in Riverdale, in the north part of the Bronx, it was McDonald’s, and when I moved to Westchester, it was Burger King. Then when I moved to Manhattan, I had a Wendy’s next to me. Mm. And there was never really a Taco Bell. You’re, you’re fully an opportunist when it comes to fast food. Yeah, whatever is closest to me is what I eat. I don’t have any opinions about things. If something is close to me, it’s my favorite thing. Is that why you keep coming back on this show? Yeah. You’re my neighbor. That makes sense. This, this is literally, that’s where I live, right down there. Isn’t that fun? That’s nice. Just squat up there, man. And you don’t, we’re not driving so you don’t have to pretend. No, it just, this is a good armrest for me. Yeah. Just so you know that you don’t have to pretend I, well, I don’t know if there’s gonna be green screen or anything like that, but also, no, there’s definitely not green screen. Um, normally I would put on my seatbelt. I feel very naked in a car without seatbelt. So do I by, but we can’t, it messes up the mic. Wait, can you, yeah. Put your hand right there. Okay, would you like to hold– When you drive, do you, how do you drive? Do you drive one hand or two hand? Alright. I’m gonna give you real, real situations. Okay. And then you’ll start the show. Yeah. Okay. Ready? Okay. So you just turned on the car, teeteeteeteetee. Mm-hmm. Okay. We’re just going straight. Yeah. One hand. I’m here one hand, or sometimes. We’re making a right turn. I’m right down here. Right turn. I go to 10 and two and then I go hand over hand. Oh, wow. Just like, like Miguel, my driving instructor taught me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This my driving instructor. This isn’t just to pivot back on track, but he took me through the Taco Bell, drive-through and bought me lunch. Oh wow. It was really nice. He’s like, this is good training. You’re gonna need to learn how to go through a drive through. Okay. And we did it. Let’s, let’s break out the crunch wrap Supremes. I went to Taco Bell and I got you these. Can I do two crunch wrap Supremes? Can I do two Mexican pizzas, two cantina chicken burritos, and then two medium Baja blasts, that’s gonna do it. It’s from my friend Ben. He’s never had Taco Bell before. Do you, do you know what a crunch wrap Supreme is? No. Would you like to guess? In my head, what I thought it would be was crunchy tacos instead of salt, but it looks like it’s a big, almost burrito type thing. So the crunch is in the middle. So this to me is a really important moment– Isn’t it always? What, which one’s my single? This one, isn’t it always? That’s right. And so in 2005, the crunch wraps of Supreme made its debut on Taco Bell menus. And to me, this is the first time that represents Taco Bell becoming fully post Mexican is the Gordita is like a real food. Yes. I remember the Gordita. A chalupa is a real food. Yes. Taco Burrito real, very good. Crunch wrap Supreme, that has nothing to do with the Mexican food. They went fully post Mexican and they folded it into a hexagon. So I’ve heard about these, but I don’t really know how. Mild is the mildest. Mm-hmm. Is medium hot? Hot is fire. And Diablo is like shit your pants. Yes. Diablo. Diablo is devil. But I think colloquially it’s shit your pants. Right. And you know, I know Diablo means devil. I didn’t know that you knew that. Sometimes you talk down to me like I’m an idiot. You know what I mean? And you know that I know that fire means hot. Right. Well. But you’re actually kinda like explaining really difficult semantic categories and so I was just trying to be overly communicative. Right. ’cause I feel like I owe you that. Right, right, right. So, okay, so. I have a shirt with your face on it. Oh, that’s cute. We stopped selling these. Yeah, but do you know where I got it from? From me? From your improv tour that you do. Oh God. We’re talking about improv tour. I’m doing an improv tour. Go to reject jokes.com. It’s myself. A bunch of my friends were touring around the world. We did Sydney Opera House just recently. Wait, that’s really impressive. It’s kind of fun. Yeah. You said impressive, right? Yes. Yeah. I love it. Um, we’re doing, we’re doing a bunch more. By the time this comes out of it, there’s a whole bunch more. There’s probably 10 more shows on the list. Okay. So where’s the crunch part? You said In the middle of it? In the middle you’ll find it. The crunch will reveal itself to you. So it’s, I’ll give you, it’s a tortilla that has been steamed and then they put a Wait. Don’t tell me I want to eat it. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? Sometimes like menus tell you what’s in the food No way before you eat it. Don’t want that. I wanna, I wanna be surprised. Okay. Find the weightiest corner and bite off that. Almost like the tip of a cigar. But that’s gonna be the most beans, don’t you think? There’s no beans. And we could have covered that ground. Had you let me explain what’s– So shall we? Please. Yeah, great. You might be thinking, where’s the crunch? My friend, shout out to the Schnabels. His dad went to Taco Bell once. He told me the store when I was a kid, and he tried to get a taco with meat in it, and they said, we, we can’t do that for you. And he said, why? And he says, the meat hose is broken. That’s a real story. Do you think that actually happened? I hope so. Me too. I mean, the schnabels. I, so I like to create kind of individual pockets. What I love about the Hexagon is it creates sort of natural pockets where you should put sauce, and I think fire sauce is the best fast food, hot sauce ever made. I have eaten so much fast food in my life, but just because a Taco Bell wasn’t right next door, I never got to do this. It’s fun to watch you eat. Why do you think that is? Just look, just looking at you how you. I forgot I’m supposed to ask you about first in your life. I was just having such a nice time eating the car. I wonder what your show is? It’s called First Meals. It’s where I ask you questions about your first Ben. What was your, what? Well, like this, what was your first ever job and what did you learn from it? We illegally pretended I had working papers. Everybody in my family worked, you know, all the time when they were young and we legally pretended I had working papers, but I was underage to work and because I couldn’t show them work papers, I couldn’t be a camp counselor, but I could do the garbage of the camp. So for the first half of the day, I’m not even doing a bit. I would get there early. Real early, and I would take all the like, because it would be like a playground and people would be drinking there the night before. Mm-hmm. And I’d pick up all the broken 40 ounce bottles. This is real. I’m not doing a bit, this is real. You can be funny without doing a bit. I find you a delightful man. Crazy. Just as a bench, as a human. Um, anyway, Waka, Waka, Waka, uh, I would clean up all the 40 ounce bottles and stuff like that, do all the garbage, all that stuff. And then for the second half of the day, because I did that, they would allow me to like try to be a counselor and that was like my first thing. That’s funny ’cause it’s so low stakes. Mm-hmm. Like, you know, in movies sometimes people who like lied about a degree or lied about a big thing on the resume. You just lied about being able to work as what, a 13, 14-year-old probably. When’s the first time you remember being disappointed? When I was, when I was younger. Super Nintendo came out huge, huge days when Super Nintendo came out, right? And I was like, oh my God, I hope that I can get it. I was looking everywhere to see if my parents got it from me. It was Hanukkah. Hanukkah is a Jewish thing, like, you know, so instead of Christmas. We have Larry David comes to your house with eight gifts. That’s really nice. I found it. I saw the Super Nintendo and I immediately got so sad and disappointed because I’ve ruined the surprise for my parents and I knew something that I wasn’t supposed to know and they were gonna surprise me, and they probably saved up to get this for me. And it was like a big deal. You know what I mean? I remember feeling really bad that I now knew that I was getting it and they didn’t know that knew, and they were gonna have to like, I have to like pretend. And it made me so bummed. I was like, oh no, what do I do? Oh, I shouldn’t have done that. So that’s, that’s the last time that’s, you said you had to pretend. Yeah. You could say, Ben, that – you had to improvise. Whoa. Was that the first time– 2025 rejectedjokes.com. We’re playing a lot of cities. We’re playing in Chicago Theater. We’re playing Kansas City. We’re playing New Jersey. Um, we’re playing all those places. I think I was trying to get at something very real. It seems like that was, you know, a time when you had to like improvise to manage other people’s emotions. What is your improv tour, which, I dunno if you know this, but Ben is actually doing an incredible improv tour. Ben Schwartz and friends are going around the world. Oh, you know about this. Sydney Opera House, we did the Sydney Opera House. Royal Lab Hall. We did Radio City Music Hall. Can I have a taste of this? Yeah. Wait, we should drink the Baja Blast and then guess what flavor it is. ’cause I don’t think you’ll be able to tell. Mountain Dew. Well, mountain Dew is the, the name of the company. Can I smell it? Yeah, you can. I’m assuming this can be blueberry or something like that. Can you make this the, um, the screenshot of the YouTube video? That was the most intimate thing I’ve done in a long time. To me, honestly, the least intimate, I’m gonna guess is like a raspberry mountain dew. You think raspberry from this color. Sorry. Blueberry. Okay. Or blue raspberry. Blueberry. Blueberries are purple. Yeah, of course. It’s great. It’s just all sugar. Mm-hmm. Oh my God. So the flavor, how many calories in this? ’cause you know, calories of everything. I don’t know calories. ’cause I would only get Diet Baja Blast. ’cause they make it zero sugar. But we got full sugar. So we’re gonna be like. Holy shit, I’m gonna be flying. You wanna go on a run after this? Oh my God, I feel like I’m going on a run right now. Shit my pants, running down the street. Oh, it just seems, so what I’m starting to learn, and you tell me how wrong I am, that most stuff from Taco Bell is very similar in what’s in there. It’s just. It’s just like, this is probably the same stuff we just had. Right? Sure. That, that’s been a common sort of critique of Taco Bell. I think it’s a bit of a fool’s critique. I think most foods are similar. I’m sorry, you calling me a fool? Absolutely. And I think if, uh, you know, you really look at any, the McDonald’s, like how different is a McRib? I know you’ve never had a McRib. Oh, you, when you said how different is a McRib, you said, what haven’t you eaten before you literally put on the McRib. I was like, oh my God, I’ve never had that before. I’d love to have it come back in October to promote. What are you doing? You’re doing it. Oh, I’m doing an improv tour. An improv tour. It’s probably wrapping up right around October. We’re playing Chicago theater and we’re playing, uh, I gotta look at the place– but are you doing it just in America or are you doing this around the world? Well, that’s so funny you asked, I just did at the Sydney Opera House, Sydney Opera. That Sydney Australia. Sydney, Australia. We just went to great restaurants and you pronounced it in Melbourne. Uhhuh. That’s fantastic. When you’re over there, they say you’re have to. I know they say, but like you’re, when you’re here. This is beans. This is all beans. There’s beans in there. So, and there’s no dairy on this, you said. So we’re definitely taking my lactose intolerance and very seriously. Uh, yeah, there’s no dairy. Right? This is good. Except for a lot of the cheese. Right. But, so this came out in 1985. It was originally called the Pizazz Pizza, but then, um, they got a cease and desist ’cause uh, somebody else, uh, had something called a pizazz pizza. So they called it the Mexican pizza. Really? Mm-hmm. Very touchy. But this got taken off the menu in 2022. Would you rather have like a sincerely genuine, Like you get like a deep moment with the person you’re next to or you get literally one of the top 10 funniest moments of your life captured, what would you prefer? Top 10 funniest moments of my life because I feel like I, that that’s lightning in a bottle. You know what I mean? I think deep emotional moments can really be found anywhere. I’ve had like multiple today and I mean like really on sort of deep levels. Really? You know what I mean? Yeah. And I think they’re sort of all around us. I think I’d rather have the real connection moment. Just ’cause my whole career and life is based off of, I tour this improv show called Ben Schwartz and friends we’re going everywhere, but I’m, I’m around so many funny people that are so funny all the time that like, I love the idea of even when I’m talking to people, I love the idea of really connecting and having like a genuine moment. I think it’s sort of whatever feels scarcity. You almost, do we have more food or is this it? No, we have one more. One more food. All right. Well, I’m gonna ask you a question about a fur. Tell me what’s the first time you remember making someone laugh? Oh my God, I have a great story. I hope I haven’t shared it with you in the other two videos we’ve done. We’ve done a lot of videos together. Mm-hmm. I was in kindergarten, um, PS 24 in the Bronx, not South Bronx. You have to, you have to explain to people that it’s not, I’m from, it was just South Westchester. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I’ll say I’m from the Bronx and some people from the South Bronx will be like, get the, you can’t say it anymore. I was like, I know. I’m so sorry. Um. So in the school, in PS 24, which my mom was a music teacher, Joan, Joan Foreman Schwartz, uh uh, hi mommy. Um, Josh, say hello to my mom. Hello, Ms. Foreman Schwartz. I’m a big fan. No, just call Mrs. Schwartz. Hey Mrs. Schwartz. It’s really lump schwart to meet you. Your Jewish, Say the last name Schwartz. Did I not say Schwartz? No you didn’t, you said Schfarts. I didn’t say, I didn’t say name. Say hi, Joanie. Hey Joanie. Hey Joanie. Hey mommy. I love you. Very informal. I normally wouldn’t say that to you. Really? Tell her you love her. I love you mommy. I love you. If I’m being honest, I’ve been looking for a sort of maternal figure my life. Absolutely. She can hit you up. She’ll talk to you. Of course. That’d be really great. We can get her on speakerphone. Um, okay, so. She was a music teacher there. It was K through five. I was in kindergarten. Mm-hmm. How old are you in kindergarten? Five or six. Okay. Um, next to me was a kid named Shegaki who had just come from a different country and did not speak a word of English. We became friends because of video games. Mm-hmm. I was obsessed with Nintendo. We would play and smile and whatever. It was great. Amazing. And, um, we’re in the, we’re in our thing. Mrs. Parley was the teacher and she’s talking, and then for some reason I go, shit. And I’m in kindergarten, and Mrs. Parley looks over and goes, Benjamin. And I go, it was Shegaki. And it would’ve been the first time this kid had ever spoken a word of English, and it would’ve been him yelling at the top of his lung shit. It was, and she laughed. So it was a huge moment for me to realize. Oh, even then, like I was like, oh, I did a bad thing, but comedy kind of got me out of it. Like, wow. So then she told my mom, my mom came, she goes, you how dare. But in the way my mom was telling me the story, she was cracking up, being like, you can’t do this. And then she told my dad, and my dad thought it was hilarious, but also was like, you can’t yell. You know those curse words. That was the first I’ve heard that story so many times that I blamed it on Shegaki. I got caught and I blamed it on Shegaki. Where’s Shegaki now? How do we do like a documentary like Chasing Shegaki? Shegaki? My man Shegaki and Akimichu was in that class too. Love to see both of you guys. Or you know, just say hello. I would love to know what Shegaki is up to. We should, we should call. I would love to know. I’ll call your mom. You call Shegaki. Oh my God. Wait, can we do that? The power of the internet? It would be Riverdale in the Bronx. I’m, I was born in 1981, so it’d be 1985 or six. We were PS 24. A kid named Shegaki, he’s gonna appear. I was like, what? No, we don’t have Shegaki to surprise you with, you know what we do have though, Ben? We have another item from Taco Bell. What’s the last one? I’ll tell you the last dessert. The one is, No. We probably should have done that instead. We got another burrito. ’cause I wanted to sort of walk you through a bit of a Taco Bell time machine. So that came out in 1985, crunch wrap, spring 2005. This is one of the newest items came out in 2025. This is the Cantina chicken burrito. This is Taco Bell sort of trying to approximate more real food. Now if you take the burrito and you sort of. Crack it open like a glow stick. That’s what I like to do. Is that what you’re supposed to do? Yeah. Well, what do you mean supposed to? I thought you were supposed to eat it from one side or the other. No, you can do that, but I like to go for the middle meats first. Yeah. This looks so– don’t, don’t ever call it middle meats again. So this is chicken? Mm-hmm. What’s the first time? This is the worst one. This is, yeah, by far. I feel bad. Would you like us to make you something else? We can make you like an omelet or something? Just in the kitchen. The kitchen’s not on right now. Is it? What Kitchen’s all is on? Yeah. Wait, can I, can I pitch something for the show? Yeah. And you guys make one last thing. We don’t know what it is, and you just, whatever it is, you whip it up and you bring it in and we eat it and neither of us know what it is. Do I have to, should I pay somebody? I don’t want– You have any cash? Do you have cash in your pocket? Yeah. What’s the first time you remember really feeling successful? Wow. What a great question. Okay. I’m gonna tell you the first time ’cause it links come up with your laugh one too. There was, so I came up with the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York City. I was 26 and eight. I’m 26 and eighth. I, um, was an intern there. So I could get free classes so I can afford free classes. And um, I worked as Kat, which is a great show there, and I did shows there, but I couldn’t get on a team yet. I was trying and I wasn’t able to get on. There’s so many people trying to get on teams at UCB. So I did stuff at this place called The Pit as well, which is called the People’s Improv Theater. I only did it for like a year or so there. Um, just so I can get runs. I just wanted to get on stage, get reps. I did a show with a group and afterwards when we were coming back, it was a way, way smaller stage. Um, when we were coming back, someone in the audience stopped me while I’m walking with the team. It stopped me and said very complimentary things about, um, my brain, which I feel like I didn’t get very often, and it like built my confidence. ’cause at UCBM doing a lot of class shows and stuff like that, but I couldn’t get on a team and I really wanted to get more work in and these guys, I was like, oh, I’m getting better. I could feel myself getting better. So I think that was one of the times. Uh, that I felt funny and maybe I was starting to find some success. Did you ever feel that way? Doing standup? First show went really well, and that was the first time I ever got on stage and performed in front of anybody, anything. And you had to bring people. And I did well enough where the third time I did it, they said, you don’t have to bring anybody anymore. And I was like, oh my God. And nobody came. And I bombed so hard. I bombed so hard and felt so alone and so lonely. And I didn’t know any, any other standups ’cause I was so new. And so like when it went bad, I felt that in improv and in improv, it’s me and you on stage together and we could feel it together and we can. I can try to pick you up or I can try to help you or whatever. Mm-hmm. And then afterwards you’d be like, woo, that was tough. What do you think happened? But this was just like, I’m gonna tell you jokes I think are funny. What do you guys think? And not a one person. It was really tough. And then I kind of had to make a decision, like, how much time do I wanna spend to stand up? How much time do I wanna spend at in improv sketch? I don’t know how good of a standup I would’ve been if I stuck with it or. But that would be, now that I have a little bit of stage presence and perform thousands of shows, I wonder how good I would be. I don’t know. I find it to be way harder. I quit team sports to pursue an individual sport. Tennis, no. You thought I played tennis? No. What was it? Track and field, shot put, discus hammer throw. Oh yeah, there you go. You don’t remember anything. Yeah, but we could do two person hammer though. Yeah. Fun. Which that’s next episode. Me and Ben do two person– I love that. What would we promote though? Probably my improv tour bench courts an friends, you gotta go to. Rejectedjokes.com, can get closer, closer to my face, please. Rejectedjokes.com, uh, all those, all those shows. Oh, also. Go to my Instagram, reject the jokes, or, or TikTop and TikTok, go to TipTok. And um, a bunch of videos of what the show is is there so you can see what the show is. TipTok is a side of TikTok where it’s just people debating who you tip or not. That’s right. And it turns out you will get canceled on there if you say that you shouldn’t tip clowns. When you go to a hotel. Mm-hmm. Do you tip out the person who’s gonna clean the room? So let’s say there for one night, how much do you tip? Oh, I leave, uh, generally whatever bill I have. If I have a 20, I leave a 20 on the, uh, minimum for one night. Someone their own. I don’t know, dude, nobody gels. You make up because you feel bad that if you said too low. Yeah, I’ve never, no, I don’t know. What was your first kiss like? It’s funny. My first kiss, I don’t remember as much as probably my first lovemaking session. I, I know a fair amount about your first lovemaking session. Sorry. I know a fair amount about the first time you made love to somebody. Really? Yeah. Do you know the person’s name? I don’t know the person’s name, but I know that you weren’t officially together, but you thought it was meaningful that she was somebody was like special and, and cool. And you liked, you were into, you went off to college and it hadn’t happened yet. And then you put a lot of, did I tell the story already? Not to me. And you thought there was a lot of pressure on yourself, but then you came back and you were like, Hey, this is what I thought that, you know, this TV was on but you didn’t turn it off. ’cause you’re like, that time, oh, I told it on a podcast or something, didn’t I? You know who it was? No, it was Marin. Mark Marin I told that to? No. You had sex with Mark Marin the first time. What? No. You told that to Mark Marin. But for some reason I remember that story. God, that’s amazing. If you were to diagnose me with something, what do you think it would be? Oh, we don’t need to do this on camera. Okay. Uh, first time you made love tell you about it. I can tell you what’s I’m diagnose you with. What’s her name? Yep. No, come on, shout out. Shegaki. Shegaki. Shegaki. Sorry. I wish. Uh, no, but I will say the first time it was with someone that I thought was really like a, a great person and very funny. I remember that being like exciting to like do, to like have that experience with someone that I really thought was really like a fun and cool person. Yeah. And I remember it was, I was at an age where I was like, oh, I don’t wanna just randomly have sex with a random person for my first time. I wanted to be someone that I like, had a connection with and really blah, blah, blah. So that was, that was important to me. Which I wonder how important it’s to people nowadays. What was your, was your first person very quick. Like what do you consider sex? I think it’s fascinating the way that we, I was thinking about, I was thinking about penetration, penetrative sex, which is what most people, you know, the concept of virginity even, it’s like a bit outdated and especially, is that what this show is? Yeah. Is this what the show is? We ask everybody. We have Michelle Obama coming on next week and we’re gonna– What? Ask for that exact question. She’s not, we don’t first meal. Michelle Obama. She’s gotta do last meal. Come on. Well, don’t do it after this. Don’t say a smart thing and then ask her on. Don’t be like, oh, remember when, remember, we’re [bleep] with crunch wrap Supreme. Uh, I think also you gotta put the grassroots organizing in the Arab Spring. I think she’s promoting Um, her podcast with her brother,. Self emulation of Mohamad Bazi and in tune– Oh, this is smart kickoff. Good, good, good, good. Of this is really good. Really smart, really smart. And I think if we can harness Obama, Obama, Mrs. Obama. Obama, our first lady, what I think if we really harness that power of social media and, and digital media too. In fact changed on a, a world’s style. I heard her on um, good Hang, which is Amy Pohler’s podcast. Yes. And she was so fun to talk to. Her and her brother did the beginning of it. And I was like, oh, it’s so funny to think of these incredibly powerful, incredible human beings and remembering that they like grew up also with a brother or, and like they grew up also. It’s always so funny. Like, uh, to think about that stuff. Do you think that’s a good thing or a bad thing that we now sort of humanize all of these larger than life figures? Because I feel like you grew up in an era. Oh, this is, this is a great question. Yeah, because Cheadle once said that like, not Cheadle who said it, maybe it was Cheadle. No, I don’t think so. Don Cheadle, um, from House of Lies, which is premiering on Netflix. It’s coming to Netflix, but that’s not what this is about. He’s bench Schwart and friends is coming. Um, wait, no. Someone had said that there’s no more movie stars. There’s very few movie stars anymore. Yeah. And I was like, why do you think that is? And someone said, it’s because you have access to everybody. Mm-hmm. Everybody’s on your phone and you could, you could see their day-to-day lives. And I was like, that’s so interesting. And I think, um, very small. God bless you. What if I throw up right here? To be really vague. Do it into my hands. It’d be a very kind of beautiful moment. I need, um, what was the question? How long did that last Can virginity again? Yeah. Thank you so much. This is so exciting, guys. This is so exciting. Half chef, can you, can you get it to the camera? Can you tell us what you’re serving? Um, yes. Okay. This is the, oh, like this? Yeah, that’s good. All right. There we go. This is the Mythical Kitchen team’s magnum opus. We have spent years crafting this. Is this true? Uh, no. Lily was like, we’re, uh. I’ll hold this so you can talk about it. Yeah, thank you. Here point, uh, point I was in the parking lot and they were like, yo, they want you to make us something. And then Lily’s like, okay, how much time we have? And they said, five minutes. And she’s like, okay, I’m gonna make jam. So that’s great, so is. So she made Jam. Is the highlight of this piece, the jammy thing? Um, I think it’s probably the Wagyu bacon or, oh, for this. I pulled the deli slicer down, you know? Hell yeah. So, yeah. Thank you very much. Absolutely. Do you wanna plug anything? Um, no. Sure. I got a tour coming up. Ben Schwartz and friends. That’s right. Thank you very much. Are you worried if you’re naked in a hotel room or something like that and there’s a window, I guess you’re, you work on your physique so much that maybe you like to showed off, but. Correct. If there’s a window, are you like, I don’t care if people see me naked when I’m walking, I’m in my, Hey, that’s your fault for looking at me. Yes. Okay. I am the opposite. I’ll be like, okay, I gotta. If I’m walking around naked, I gotta put that up. Do you like if you’re in a gym locker room, are you, cause I’m fully, fully naked. Nothing touching me. Oh my God. Holy shit. This is special, right? Oh my God. They don’t understand how special the things that they do are. You can’t understand. Going from Taco Bell to that is [bleep] insane. A5 wagyu ribeye bacon. Holy shit. We ready for jam? Yeah. Yeah, you already ate it? Oh yeah. I’ve already eaten a lot of it. Yeah. I’ll just watch you. It is really tasty. Mm-hmm. They made a jam in five minutes. What’s in jam? Sugar, strawberries. This is definitely a sugar strawberries milk. Half pound of milk, probably corn star. Um, last question I wanna ask you. Okay, here we go. Last question. Last question. And I get to, should I ask you a question before I do last? Sure. Yeah. What’s the happiest you’ve been in the past five years? Outside of, you can’t say wedding. Yeah. So is there a moment in your life that you look back in the past five years that you’re like, wow, I, oh, I got a better question. Hey, pretend that didn’t exist. Oh. Um, I’ll text it to you with your number that I have. What what’s the, What the, is there a moment in the past five years that you remember being really happy that you weren’t expecting to feel that much happiness? I really like that question. I don’t like the horn, kind of gives a certain amount of anxiety. Yeah, of course. Because I feel like I’m on a. Take your time. Really think about it. But then I just sort of hear that. Think about it, think about it. Think about it. Where I didn’t expect to be something that made you really happy. Then afterwards you were able to almost go outside yourself and be like, wow, this is a really nice moment. I’m really happy right now. I was on a boat in the sunshine in off the coast of Sardinia. Gosh. And, and I’m not like a fancy boy. I’m not a fancy boy. I’m not a fancy boy. He’s such an asshole. I’m not a fancy boy, but my– As he eats his wagyu bacon. I’m not a fancy boy as he eats his wagyu bacon that you got someone to make you on the spot? There was, there was this moment that I have if I want to really– Were you by yourself? No, I was with my wife and she was like kind of hugging me from behind. I was a little spoon. Mm-hmm. And we are on this boat and I can just feel the rays of sun beating down on me. I can smell the salt coming off of the sea. I can see an island in the distance. And I thought to mysel like, this is the pure. distillate of happiness. I was 3 ichnusa’s deep. What’s an ichnusa? Ig–ichnusa, it’s the local Sian beer. Okay. You know, it tastes like every other beer in the world, which I also local think is kind of brilliant. You know, the good chemicals are spraying and the bad chemicals are not. Yeah. Did you tell your wife at the moment that you’re having like, I really, this is, yeah, I did. That’s beautiful. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. I’m alright. What’s your last question? My last question is, what is one first that you have yet to have life? There’s a billion firsts that I’m excited about or, you know, first keep building as you get older. But for work, I think it would be, I’ve worked so hard and hustled so hard and sold so many scripts to so many places and none have been made yet. I really want to be in front of a camera saying my words. Hmm. And in a world that I created, I love, I love the internet. I’m so excited, but like on a blank, you know what I mean? I’ve been lucky enough to do it for a bunch of internet stuff. And by the way, maybe that’s, maybe that’s where, maybe that’s where it’d be the most fun, but like to, to have a TV show of mine that is my world or movie of mine, that is my world. It’s just I’ve come so close so many times. And been told no at such late stages that I’m feeling like to create a world and to, to find out, to get it on in front of people. I think that’ll be really exciting. That was my stomach. It’s Sigourney Weaver. It’s just gonna climb out. And just So Sigourney Weaver is in an alien called Alien. Yeah. But she doesn’t climb outta someone. The Alien climbs outta someone. I meant she is in like the the Xenomorph. But I was referring you then your sentence made those Sigourney Weaver climbs out. You said when Sigourney Weaver. Yes. Climbs outta your stomach. Sure. I think I dropped a couple prepositions in there. You dropped the whole thought process. When you finally get that movie made, I’m gonna be the first in line, but until then. You have an improv tour. Oh my God, you gotta see this. Which is incredible. That’s the kind of a thing that it’s Ben Schwartz and friends touring right now. Uh, we did 31 cities this year. I don’t think I’ll ever do that many cities in a year, ever again. No. So if you want to see us, this is the year to see us next year. I bet we only do like five to 10 cut to me doing 150 episodes. If I ever– God bless you. I’m a maaaaaan. My beautiful child. If someone’s talking about you and you’re not in the room. Mm-hmm. What are the, what do you wish that people are saying you are? Like if they, you wanna be remembered? How? I think genuinely empathetic. Like, like somebody who actually cares, not somebody who is. Providing lip service, not somebody who leaves a room. People immediately point and just go like, ah, it was bullshit, right? Mm-hmm. I, I want to leave a room, and people go, my God, he actually cares. What do you want people to say behind your back? I hope that I had made people’s lives a little better somehow. Whether it’s them they got to laugh or I got to connect with ’em, or something like that, I think that’ll make me be happy. You have genuinely made my life better being, and I’m, I’m dead serious. Like the amount of, it’s almost like the seriousness with which you take…. All this. Right? I know. You, you know, you’ve, you’ve violently honked the horn at the entire crew over there, but no, it means like– We’re gonna [bleep]. Let’s do it. You’re talking about first, lay down the seats. Lay down the seats. I think that’s how we gotta end it. Lay down the seats. We both on top. Lay down. I’m, if we just get the leg up here, then I think, I kind of thought you were going to come around. It started with talking about first and it’s gonna end with last, you know what I mean? I already got the lube. Oh no. Hey, thank you so much. That’s wrap. [gibberish] That’s called a love bump. We’ll see y’all next time over on the Mythical– So you’re doing, doing an improv tour? He’s never gonna do this many cities ever again. Hey, subscribe. Subscribe, like. It’s incredible. Do you have any other historical landmarks you’re gonna do in prove? I’m trying to do the Colosseum. Is that real? No. Come on. Do it. Hey, what do you say? How do you log off? Oh, uh, hey. Changed. Even though, even though it’s the first meals right now, this is the last time you’ll see us together. So from Ben Schwartz and Josh, you wanna take your wife’s name? I’m so sorry. Well, I, I can’t. Why? Because her dad’s name is Josh. No last name. What are you talking about? Then, I know that I’m saying I’ll have the same– From Josh Josh and Benjamin Joseph Schwartz, we wish you the best of luck. And hey, if you see us on the side of the road. Check out the latest episode of A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich where you can join me and Nicole as we discuss which country has the best food.