My friend Lisa has never had the Double Chunk Chocolate Cookie from Costco or the Very Berry Sundae until today. Boom! We all gotta eat and we all remember our first time. Everybody, please welcome Lisa Gilroy to the show! Hi. Hi. One, welcome to the car. I opened the window because I thought you were going to fully- You want me to try? A little bit. I kind of wanna see what you’re gonna do to try. Drive, drive, drive! Go, go, go! That was actually really impressive. I’m surprised I was able to do it. Did you think it was gonna go that well? No. Not at all. Sometimes you just- Did everyone see my vagina when I did it? Yeah, absolutely. Only them, not me. I looked away very politely. Blur that part! I’ll show something of equivalent value. Psyche. I’m gonna show hole. What’s that? What do you think it is? A shuttlecock? No, but that’s the first time I’ve ever gotten the guess shuttlecock for the tattoo. That’s the first time you’ve ever got that guess? I’ve gotten a lot of weird guesses. No, nobody guesses a shuttlecock. How much badminton did you grow up playing? A lot. A lot more than me, apparently. Or it’s a witches broom? No. First time anyone’s ever guessed that. Which I think is a genuine testament to like, how unique your perspective is. Not to like, blow everything out. Okay, okay. I think what it actually is, because you’re a chef is like a Turkey doinker, like, you dip it in gravy and then you like, glide it across meat to decorate the meat with a sort of a sauce? Is that what it is? Are are you talking about like, a brush that has sort of bristles that you would dip in or like a…? “Are you talking about like, a brush?” No, no, no. “You stupid little idiot.” We’ve gotten off on the wrong foot and I feel terrible. You’re a guest in my car. I don’t know anything about like, kitchen utensils. So I just know that’s not a fork. It’s a plant. I’ll give you a- A leek? It’s a- Yeah, you gotta look at it that way. Oh, so when you piss, you go, “I’m taking a leek?” No. Is that part of it? Not at all. No, it’s representative of my dead father. It’s a metaphor. Hey, hey. I know. Hey, come here. No, that’s not it. Hey. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. All right, take care. All right, see you. That was Lisa Gilroy. Everyone check out season two of, you’re on “Twisted Metal?” Yeah, I’m on “Twisted Metal.” Can you believe it? But no, like, one thing that I’m- I’m a big fan, by the way. Thank you. The way that you like, fully disappear into characters is actually like nothing I’ve ever seen and Vermin from “Twisted Metal,” I grew up playing all the games and so- You did? I did. I sure did. I was a Pizza Boy main, generally. No idea what that means. Never played the game. Barely watch the show. Fantastic. But no, it’s something that like, I just respect so much outta you. And I know you said that was like, a dream role, which is kind of crazy ’cause that seems a bit unexpected. You’re so nice. Thanks. Did you have a- Was that a question? You’ve never had Costco? I’ve never had Costco, no. I’ve been inside Costco before, they sell trampolines. They do sell trampolines. Is that mostly what you know Costco for? Yes, because we got a trampoline from Costco. When you say “we,” who is we? Gimme a time and a place. Mommy, daddy, me, and my sister got a trampoline from Costco in like, I don’t know when, in childhood. In childhood? Remember childhood? I do. I have like, mostly fond memories from childhood. But then I have this thing where if somebody asks me specifics, then it always gets like, weirdly dark. Yeah. And I go, “Oh, who was that guy?” Right. “That was giving me sugar pills. And what were the pills for? Sugar pills? I don’t know. Do you have that? That’s why you’re so sweet. Stop. Do you have that with your childhood? Like, you look back- ♪ Carpool Karaoke ♪ At the trampoline and you’re like, “Oh, something sinister was afoot.” Or just happy memories of Costco trampolines? I mean… Definitely, I mean, what’s sad about the trampoline is that one day my dad just abruptly sold it. So that, I mean- Do you know why he sold it? Have you been able to confront him? I can only assume it was for money. Or for sex. We don’t know what that guy was up to. We really don’t. I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there, so- And I don’t actually know what sex workers are taking as currency these days. No, it could be Costco trampolines. Could be, I mean, I would love- I would do anything for a Costco trampoline. Anything. We gotta eat the Costco food court food. You’ve never had food from the Costco Food court? I’ve had a hot dog. But that could be almost any hot dog across- Costco Hotdog, only $2 or something. Less. $1.50. $1.50 for a hotdog and a drink. And the CEO threatened the president of the company saying, “If you ever raise the price, I’ll kill you.” “I’ll kill you.” Is that right? That is! Oh, you already took her dress off? I took- When did you do that? You gendered your straw. Wow! That’s New York. You’re incredibly musically talented. Okay, so this is water. Well, I feel like we maybe asked- Do you want some diet Coke? Can I tell you what happened? Yeah, I’d love that. So backstage, which is in the trunk, little insider info. I was told I was gonna have a mug and what would I like in it and I chose water. Had I known it was not going to in fact be a mug, but to be a fun thing, I would’ve asked for a soda. I will say we are still ironing out certain production details, like- Someone needs to get fired for that because simply the difference between a mug and a… Sure. What’d you call this? I would call this like, a large paper cup, the type that you might get from a drive-in movie, I think. This is large to you? This is- Okay! Comes to America once, suddenly starts taking our culture. No, my day- Well, one, it’s only proportional to the- Then it might look small- Okay. But that’s because I- You wanna try a Costco Chicken Bake? Yes. Let’s do it. What do you know about the Costco Chicken Bake? Literally nothing. Nothing at all? I’m guessing it’s gonna be a big chicken breast. I don’t know what the bake means- Chicken, I assume it’s been baked. Sure. Well it has, but the chicken has been baked inside of something. If you’re to like, actually sort of break this down from like a culinary categorical standpoint, I think it might just be considered a calzone. Because it is pizza dough and then the pizza dough is covered in cheese. What? But then they wrap- It’s bread? Yeah, it’s bread, but inside there’s chicken baked with bacon, Caesar salad dressing, and cheese. Well I can’t eat this, I’m gluten intolerant. Are you? No. I scared you so bad! Lisa, we tried so- You really did! I scared you so bad. We try so hard to make sure people have a good time in the show and I already have a weird amount of internalized guilt for like- Oh no, I’m sorry. Inviting people to eat in my Nissan, you know? ‘Cause like we have a lot of shows. I love it, I’m sorry. Oh, your little face is so heartbroken. I’m sorry, Josh. Was it actually? Because I really was scared, yeah. You should play it back and get really- And you can put- Zoom in on his face and put… ♪ When you try your best but you don’t succeed ♪ Cheers? Cheers. Mmm! Oh, God. I’ve never heard about this thing. Rating outta 10? 11. 11? That’s huge. I guess I’ve never- Can I tell you something bad? I’d love that. I had a Chipotle burrito right before I came here. I don’t know why I did that. I was so, I was like, at the point where I was so hungry that I couldn’t wait and I tried to only have half of it, which I also tried to have half of my Celsius before we started. I do remember that. I drank the other half of the Celsius. I’m kind of in a Mary Kate and Ashley mood. I’m like, ready to be half of a duo today. What was the first time you remember really like, inhabiting a character? Well, okay, in seventh grade, me and my friends used to play this game where at lunch we would pretend we were different girls. And I was a girl called Violet Sky. Did you like, create plots with each other? Yeah, it was like, one girl was called Spoon Girl. Well, we’d kind of alternate being Spoon Girl. And she was kind of like the like, social pariah. It was like, fun to like, “She’s possessed,” or something. Like, some stuff like that. Were you having sex in high school? No, I really wasn’t. I really wasn’t, you know? We do like, you know- Me neither. A lot of things. We did some making out in the car. Different car than this one, it was a 95 Taurus. I had a Buick LeSabre. You had a Buick LeSabre? It used to be my grandma’s. That is- I was also given a Buick LeSabre by my grandmother. Really? But we had to- Wait. Are we brother and sister? I wish I had your life! You know what’s interesting? The didactical nature of the great infinity and beyond. Because here we sit in this car, right? And we’re so keenly, acutely aware of each other in the milligrams, for example, in each of these carbon monoxides. And so when we chomp on the explosive kind of collaboration of gluten and the chicken carbonara of it all, it’s a really… It’s a umami kind of situation of liquidation. That’s what you sound like. One, I wholeheartedly agree with everything that you said and I did understand it because finally you were speaking my language. Before you were talking about Violet Sky. So Spoon Girl, you called her a social pariah. Are you talking about Spoon Girl the character or your actual friend who played Spoon Girl was like kind of bullied? Spoon girl the character, that’s why it was like, so fun to play her. We’d alternate who got to be her. Why was she called Spoon Girl? I’m not sure. I don’t remember. I think she like, always had a spoon with her. And that made her the social pariah or it was sort of coincidental? If you’d like the Diet Coke, you can… Hey, I said umami before? Yeah. What does it mean? Umami can be described as like, savoriness. But it’s a Japanese term that basically was used to describe the presence of glutamates, the most common of which is monosodium glutamate. Can you talk to me like a skateboarder or something? Suh, dude? So the natural formation of glutamates, right? You can’t say words like glutamates. Dude, no, check this shit out. Like, this Japanese scientist, right? He found that in certain species of kelp there was like natural glutamate formations he tasted and went, “Dude, that shit’s dank.” And so then he was like, “What if we could like, synthesize it? This would be rad as shit. You get dropped in the tube, get pitted. We could totally market this as a product. And then we’d use ‘Umami’ as like, the trigger word for selling that shit, dude.” That worked, except for you still said “glutamate” in it. I know, well, yeah, here’s the thing. There’s like really smart, you know, surfers and skaters. Like, I grew up as a total like, skate rat. Really? Like, I think I have a skateboard in my trunk right now. Pop the trunk. Oh, that’s the hood. Yeah, that’s fine. Pop the trunk. If this man has a skateboard, I’ll eat my hat. Whoa! I have a skateboard! He’s skateboarding. He’s skateboarding. Dude, I can’t believe it. I painted it myself. This guy’s so sick and twisted, he actually boards. That’s so umami, bro. Hold that thought, Lisa. I wanna tell the audience about fiber because this portion of today’s episode is sponsored by Olipop and I am a genuine, huge fan of this stuff. The one nutrient that people don’t get enough of in America is fiber. Now, I am a man who, I sit in my car and I get to eat a bunch of delicious calzones and I eat 200 grams of protein a day. And one of the reasons I can do that is because I make it a huge point in my life to get as much fiber as possible. And each can of Olipop has six grams of fiber, which is 21% of your daily recommended value. This stuff is an absolute miracle in a can. The fact that we exist in a day and age where you can drink a soda with fiber that has SpongeBob’s face on it and… Tastes like pineapple, it’s crazy. Take advantage of it. In a moment we’ll get back to the thing that Lisa said that made me react like this… And like this. And in my humble opinion, Olipop is the leading better-for-you soda with gut health benefits. Now I’m enjoying the limited Pineapple Paradise flavor and these bad boys don’t need to be refrigerated, so that means I can keep a stockpile for all my fiber needs with no stress. And all the cans have different faces. Look, you got, “Arrrr!” You got, “Ladies!” I’m so sorry I did that. And you got, “Ladies!” Olipop is available in Target, Walmart, Whole Foods, and other major retailers and you can scan this QR code to get a special deal. Right now all of us can redeem $2 off any four pack offer. Make sure you get them before they’re gone. And big, big thanks to Olipop for sponsoring this portion of today’s episode. Now, back to Lisa. People should know that you called- we passed Rhett in the hallway and she just called him immediately. It was a joke! Because he said he wanted me to know he wasn’t crying. He put eye drops in. He said, “Oh,” the first thing he said, you said, “This is Rhett,” and then he said, “I just put eyedrops in, I’m not crying.” So I said, “Okay, .” We actually have something from Costco that I’ve never had before. It’s actually, it’s a new item from Costco. You’ve never had it? I’ve never had it before. This is their Combo Calzone. You know what’s really exciting that I haven’t told you yet? What’s that? When I’m sitting in your seat, I have something that belongs to you. What do you have? Doo-doo! Oh, the card? And you’re not getting it back. I know, it just kind of has a bunch of like, random firsts in case I run out of anything to talk about. Do you wanna read them? I’m gonna read a question off of it. Read a question to yourself. These are the questions you had for me? Yeah, if we’re being honest though, they they are more boilerplate and we kinda just let this run, but if you have any interesting answers. “When was the first time you noticed your breasts were developing?” Sorry, that’s, you’re asking me that? Or you want- This is one of the questions you had for me. Yeah, no, I did have that, but now I’m wondering if you’d like to answer or if you’d like me to answer. I guess you can answer ’cause I don’t really think it’s appropriate. I’m gonna rip mine in half then, too. It’s like a big pierogi almost. It really is. Did you grow up on pierogi? Yes. Big time. Why is that? I don’t know. Alberta’s a big pierogi place. Really? I had no idea. I don’t know much about Alberta. Do you identify with the term- You have a picture of Alberta in your bathroom? Do I really? Lake Louise, you do. Oh, I didn’t know. First thing I saw when I sat down on the toilet. Cheers, man. Cheers, dude. Mmm! This this is really good. Yeah, a pizza pocket. Do you use the term “YEG” where you’re from? Do you identify as a YEG? Is that how you use it? Is it a slur? No, I would say “I’m going to YEG,” though. You’re going to YEG? That’s our airport code. Got you. I’ve heard somebody use the phrase like, “YEG life.” Well, I’m just surprised you know somebody who lives YEG life. Like, why do you know someone from Edmonton? I don’t know. I just know they played hockey at… Hockey? They played hockey. and then I did CrossFit with them. Scientist, skateboarder, CrossFit? Oh, so you’re like one of those guys at the gym who throws a tire at a woman’s head. That was one time, but yeah, it did happen and I’ve been trying to bury that information, but… Okay, CrossFit. Have you been doing that since it became cool? No, I did it after it stopped becoming cool and then I stopped doing it when it got really uncool. Like, the founder said some like really bad things and then like, everyone was like, “Oh, we should stop doing-” And then the guy died. The guy died, a Czech CrossFit athlete died in an open water swim. I didn’t know swimming was a part of CrossFit. I thought it was just slapping, like, gorilla slapping the ground and flinging ropes around and… There’s so much gorilla slapping the ground, there really is. That’s so sad. What’s the- Think of a segue, Josh. What’s the- Do you want your cards? Do you want your cards? No, no, we don’t need the cards. What’s the saddest thing involving an obscure fitness program that you’ve ever done? Oh, I love that question. Good. Thank you. I guess my oma was a yoga teacher and she died. Because of yoga? No, because of… Alcoholism? Oh, really? Is that funny? Yes, the transition was really funny. Uh-huh. Yeah, so- Subjective. It’s, you know. And she- You were close to oma? Yeah. Yep. You were? What’s the first date you ever went on? Ikea. You went to Ikea, the food court? Or to buy a- We went to the- We got soft serve ice cream. That’s like, a fun- Talk about a food from a place. Okay, we have more food to get to. Do you wanna try their hot turkey and provolone sandwich? Yeah. Everything kind of has- Tastes the same? Yeah. Doesn’t it? I love Costco and they make good sweatpants, too. I got you this. Oh, thanks! Ugh. What made you-? I’m sorry. I guess it was like, the like, I don’t know. That looks like… The pure visceral reaction of, “Thanks! Ugh.” You know what? I get afraid sometimes with pesto. Why come? ‘Cause I’m allergic to cashews. Oh, interesting. Sometimes they use like, nut oil to make it. Cashews are expensive. Cashews are expensive. Not to say you’re not worth being poisoned with cashew oil, but… Mmm! Do you have any allergies? No. You’re not allergic to punches? No, I actually think I’m really good at taking punches. Have you been punched in the face? A fair amount, yeah. Who do you think you used to be in your past life? Statistically, probably like, a peasant that died of typhus. Well, okay, okay. So, interesting. You think the last time you were alive was a long time ago? ‘Cause it, you know, it probably was- You probably died in the seventies. 70, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who do you think you were in a past life? Because you seem like you would have an answer for that. I don’t, I’m just curious about like, all your, you have a impetus to save people. Do you not have the same impetus? No. In fact, one time a baby was drowning in front of me and I did nothing. That’s not something I’m proud of, but- Do you think about that often? Yes. Do you think about that moment? Do you wish you could go back or do you stand by doing nothing? Oh no, of course I wish I would’ve, I was in shock. Sure. I was sitting in a hot tub, chilling out, maxin’. I get it. And this baby came toddling over the pool, fell in the hot tub, floating face down in front of my eyes. Yep. And I did nothin’. From the per- Like, from the trolley problem perspective, where you’re like, “If I save this baby, I’m rerouting the tracks and this baby could kill five other babies.” Yeah, exactly. It was like a moral dilemma for sure. Sure. No, I was just in shock. I was also like, 11. Yeah. And the dad had to come running and jump in the hot tub and I felt a lot of shame when he pulled the baby out. ‘Cause I was like, “I should’ve done that.” And the baby was… Mary-Kate Olsen. What do you of the sandwich? It’s very kind of wet and spongy. I thought it was okay but it kind of tasted the same as the other things. But I have a desire to smush it down into a baseball. Do you wanna do that right now? I think it’ll be very messy if I do that, but… You’re gonna get in trouble. Food waster, food waster! No, I’m eating this. Food waster! I’m gonna blend it. If you kind of like… You’re gonna blend it? And turn it into a saute? I think this is actually probably going to be better if you kind curl this into a ball. We’ve done a lot of grosser things in this show. Is this like, kind of feels nice to do? Yeah, you sure you don’t wanna to try? It’s nice to watch. I kind of, if you notice, I’ve kinda like, ripped every food in half. Yeah. I really like- You’re tactile. Tactile. Very much so. What’s your favorite sensation? Hmm… So this is if you mashed the… That’s awesome. That looks like a meteor that came to earth. Is it-? Mm. And you’re pulling out its gizzards. Is it good to have like that? Too much? Completely the same. Oh. Lisa, what was your first job and what did you learn from it? I was a chef my first job. Can you believe it? No. I’m coming for your rizz. Of which I have so much. I was a pizza chef at Panago Pizza. At where? Panago Pizza, it’s a famous like, chain in Canada. What does Panago Pizza do that other pizza restaurants don’t? You know, you have to count the amount of pepperoni on a pizza when you make it. I thought, that was really, that almost broke my heart when I got the job. I thought I was gonna have like, creative license to make a pizza as I saw it. Sure. You wanted to be an artist, in a sense. Yeah, but then it was like, we literally had a chart where it was like, “Okay, medium pepperoni, that’s eight slices. Large, that’s 12.” You know? That’s really sad. Did that teach you something larger about the world of like- Camera fell, oh my god! Wow, that was so scary. Have you ever had a ghost experience or was that your first one? No, no, wait, I’m supposed to be asking you the questions. You’re in my Nissan. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay. Have you ever had a ghost experience? One time I heard singing in my house. Like… Like that. You don’t think it was a ghost? My sister and I, it happened at like 1:00 in the morning and my sister and I had just gotten home from something and we both turned to each other at the same time and like, got mad at each other for singing. We went, “Why are you singing?” Because we were afraid our parents were gonna wake up. And then when we realized, we said at the same time and neither of us were singing, we pulled ourselves into the bathroom and slammed the door and we were scared. Do you believe in any paranormal things? I think I’m gonna be haunted by how bad this episode is. I don’t think you will be. I think here’s the thing, even if it is bad- I’m just kidding. Which I think is wonderful. People forget so quickly on the internet. We have Damien. Hi, Damien. Hi. How’s it going? Thanks for bringing this. Yeah, so I’m just gonna ask you a quick question right here. Oh my god, this is beautiful. Yeah. If you wanna… You sent… Oh, I think maybe… You sent us your credit card info ’cause you said that you’d tip. Josh, do you wanna? Or… Huh? You don’t? No, I don’t have any change. I’m sorry. I have a family. I don’t know. I think- Honestly, my fingerprints burnt off in a fire and they don’t really like, they don’t register. Oh, okay. I’m from a very specific religious sect that doesn’t believe in screens. We’re Mormons. We’re Mormons. Watch that one. He dipped his balls in it! He always does that when we don’t tip. At the pizza place, people were doing stuff with their balls. I pooped off a mailbox once. You’re not on trial here. Yeah, I want you to know that this is a safe space within the car. Okay. I did it because I thought that it would be funny and I wanted to make my cousin laugh. Was that the first time you remember really wanting to make someone laugh? No, I think that was way too late in my life to be the beginning of my comedy origins. Sure. What do you think the beginning was? Like, can you trace back one moment where you’re like, “Man this feels good to make somebody laugh.” I know seventh grade is coming up a lot, but I did get a drama award that year. That’s like, the first and only year I’ve ever like, been given something nice. And I was so shocked because I spent the entire year getting kicked outta class over and over and over again. And then suddenly I was getting an award. So I was like, “Oh, so I must be, they liked me some.” My teacher who I thought hated me, who really did ask me to leave class a lot, gave me the award at the end of the year. Why did they ask you to leave class a lot? Because I was being a nuisance. You know what a nuisance is? I’d like to hear you explain what a nuisance is in this specific context. Okay. Like screaming, shouting, tickling, running, pooping off mailboxes, talking while the teachers are talking, distracting other students. You know, sound effects. Sure. Clapping when you’re not supposed to be clapping. Yeah. Making different sorts of fart noise from mouth and butt. Writing on things that you’re not supposed to write on, pen on carpet, carpet on pen, papers from backpack crumbling up, throwing out, losing things. Yeah. Touching people, not supposed to be touching people. Shouldn’t touch people. Eating, eating on carpet, food on carpet. Food on carpet. Carpet on food, I’d imagine. Exactly. Sure. This is really good. What is this? Where is this from? This is the very- So this- This is the Very Berry Sundae from Costco. This is from Costco too? This is from Costco. Wow! Costco really does have it all. I love stopping there for groceries for my family. And why not a sweet treat? I like stopping there when I want someone to threaten me over the price of a- Sorry. I was just doing it. Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought that we had agreed to the ad read where we just kind of both- Lisa, we always ask people on the show, what is a future- What’s the future? What’s a future first that you hope to have? Yup, she is a fan of the show. I guess I hope to get punched in the face for the first time ’cause I’ve never experienced that. Really? But maybe saving someone. Sure. But this scenario has to happen naturally and it can’t be something that like, “I am about to punch, say Damien in the face for really churlishly asking if we wanted to leave a tip,” and then you could save him. And I could break it up. Yeah. Can we do that after? Yeah. Truly, I’ve had such a wonderful time. I think you’re just like, immensely talented. Show this finger to the camera quick. What’s going on with it? There’s poop on it, there’s poop on it! It’s not poop on it. I was trying to have a genuine moment and say that I think you’re immensely talented, I’m a big fan. I’m so glad we got to do this today. It’s tough. Let me in, Lisa. Let me in. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. No. Thank you. I really appreciate it. You’re really sweet. Where can the, tell- Lisa, tell people where they can find you. Oh, I can’t believe I’m on “Shrinking.” Lisa, I can’t wait to see you in “Man On The Inside” and “Shrinking” season 3 and… “Make Some Noise.” I wish I had your- Dammit. Wait, who’s moving the steering wheel? That’s it for us. We’ll see you all next time. Yo. I heard you talkin’- Oh, don’t . Don’t! Leave him alone! Oh, no! Dude! Why did you do that? You punched- Are you okay? Yeah! “Good Mythical Evening” is blasting off tonight at 10:00 PM Eastern, 7:00 PM Pacific. Get your tickets now at goodmythicalevening.com.