Hi, I’m Macaulay Culkin, and this is my last meal. Every person has exactly two things in common. We all got to eat and we’re all gonna die. Today’s guest is an actor, author, podcaster, and accomplished maraca player who you might recognize from Uncle Buck, Home Alone, and Party Monster. You can catch him in Fallout season two out tomorrow on Prime Video. But who are we kidding? You know him best for his signature wrestling move, the Half Star Frog Splash. Macaulay Culkin, welcome to the show. Oh, thanks for having me, man. Yeah, this is, this is really cool. Ever since Brenda did the show, she immediately came home, she said, you have to do this. I saw the interview, it was wonderful. And at the same time, um, I’m starving. So here I, here I am. We’ll get to that soon, but before we do that, I want you to analyze your body positioning on this half star frog splash. You set the wrestling world on fire when you did this. What was going through your mind midair. So I, I went to, uh, bar wrestling and I was there, and, um, I was doing a podcast, so I had to go early. I wasn’t doing a podcast. I was working on some, like, some spots. So Brenda had absolutely no idea what was going on. No way. And then me and, uh, Swoggle were getting into it. She kept on going like, why are you so animated with, with the little guy, you know? I’m just like, no, man. Just like, that, f that guy, man. Like, dude, just like, and so I, I, I kept up the whole roll and stuff like that. And then next thing you know, um, yes, I, I do the ping pong ball bit and they all slip over and everything. And then, uh, Santa Claus came up to me and he’s like, get on the top rope. And so he is like, he is like, I’m gonna throw you, that was unplanned though, you. It was unplanned. I mean, I was like, yeah, sure. Whatever you, adrenaline and all this stuff. And so, um, yeah, he kind of just threw me mm-hmm. Onto Swoggle. Um, and yes, it’s uh, I call it the half star Frog Splash because I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to something like that, so. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, it’s one of those things where like every time we go somewhere and there’s a stage, she’s like, I know you’re gonna end up on, on it on the stage somehow. It just boom, it’s just like, yeah. It’s like boom. It’s like, you know, I’m doing the wrestling thing. Or, um, we went to a Lizzo show or again, a pre-planned kind of thing, and I get a tap on the shoulder and go, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. Next thing you know, I’m on stage doing, doing the whitest boy dance ever. Uh, well, oh my, uh, my youngest, he just did a recital and, and he got nervous, and so he ran off stage. So I kind of, I scooped him up backstage, go, oh man, you’re so brave. And stuff like that. But he wanted to go out for the final, but he wanted me to carry him. So next thing you know, I’m on stage at, at a three year old’s recital, like, just like she’s, I can’t take you anywhere, you know? Yeah. Before Brenda came on the show, had you ever talked about it? Not really, to be honest. I mean, kind of, it’s, you know, a little morbid and stuff. But no, I actually, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted, so it, it was, it was kind of fun to do that experiment and kind of figure out like, oh, but honestly, I, I have rich food on, rich food, on rich foods. How often do you think about death in general? Um, not that much. I mean, that, that, you know, it’d be, yeah. I have a sense of my own mortality now that I have kids. Mm-hmm. You know, like now, before I really didn’t care if I lived or died. Now I wanna live forever. That’s a, that’s a really heavy statement though. There’s, there’s a middle ground that a lot of people live in between. It’s called Pilates. It’s called Pilates. Yes. Yes. It is in a way, uh, you ready to eat? Yes. I would love. Mac, for the first course of your final meal, we have the Truffle Uni Shooter from Delilah in Vegas. This has a Shiro Dashi Chawanmushi, some uni on top with fresh shaved truffle. And then we have the Foie Gras from L’Atelier de Joël Robuchon in Paris. And it has a hibiscus gastrique with apple that has been actually pressed in fresh hibiscus juice and then rolled up on top of the seared whole lobe foie. Yeah, Robuchon is like, kind of nuts that way. I, I actually talked to the staff. I stayed late one night and I was talking to ’em and I was like, um, oh, what’s it like working here? He goes, I worked potatoes, I just peeled potatoes for a whole year. That’s all. Like, before you get to touch anything else, you just peel potatoes there. So like, yeah, it, it’s, it’s pretty intense. That level of craft is like really admirable to me. Yes. Uh, dig in. Dig in. I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna hold you up. I know you’re hungry. Mm. Yeah. Oh, f yeah, that’s nice. Mm. You can’t go wrong with, with uni. You can’t go wrong with truffle and anything. Are you meant to actually knock it back like a shot? Yes and no. Like, you know, it depends on what you want. I’m doing it. Cheers with, mm hmm. Oh man. Wow. Yeah. Um, I know you have quite the impressive spoon collection. I do. Do you have a favorite and, oh, God. Oh, what? Oh no, we’ve dropped a spoon. If someone were to steal this, everybody over there, I’m gonna look away over here. 15 seconds. Make sure that nobody steals that spoon that was on the table. That was very expensive to make. And very cherished. I get to keep this right. What. Wonderful. I I do steal spoons. It’s a thing. Do you have a most cherished spoon in your collection? Not necessarily. The thing is stealing spoons is like, it doesn’t ruin anything. Yeah. Let’s say you, there’s a fancy chess set and you stole a pawn. You ruined the chess set. Mm-hmm. You know, a spoon is harmless, you know? Yeah. Me and my goddaughter, um, we have matching spoon tattoos. Boom. Um, I slightly missed the memo. I tried to get a matching one, too jagged at the end. That’s a, that’s a giant spork right there. Look at you. But I talked to her ’cause uh, you know, she’s a model and all that stuff and I knew she was gonna like start going these fancy parties and all that stuff. I said, don’t forget to take something with you and don’t forget to put it up your sleeve. Just take something with, steal something from these places, you know, and take that hole with you. Is it the Robinhood aspect of stealing something from the places or is it your kind of like general absurdist shenanigans? It’s shenanigans. It’s definitely shenanigans, but at the same time, you know, again, we kind of turn it into a bit of a metaphor. Take something with you and, uh, and Brenda, it drives her nuts. I mean, we have, we have our silverware drawer and then we just have a spoon drawer. And I was like, I, I keep on um, like soft promising her, I’m like, oh, I’m going to make a chandelier out of them or something. I don’t know. Alright dig into the foie gras, I don’t want it to get cold. ‘Cause this is whole lobe seared fois. This is a true delicacy. Frankly, not even sure if it’s legal in California anymore. I, I don’t, I don’t think it is. It’s very rich. So you, you might need to cut it with some bread. Oh, man. I can, I can get down with the rich. Jesus. Yeah. Oh, mm-hmm. There’s like a duck liver gusher. Mm-hmm. It just explodes in your mouth. Yeah. I wouldn’t have initially pegged you as a fancy food guy ’cause you’re somebody that kind of strikes me as a bit of a swashbuckler. Most people in pizza themed cover bands that play maracas do not also dine at L’Atelier de Robuchon. I, I, I kind of bridge the gap, you know what I mean? I’m not allergic to eating outta cans. Don’t get me wrong. But at the same time, I do like the finer things in life. Yeah. Yeah. So again, this is my last meal. Like, yeah, I want to, I wanna go, I wanna go full out, you know? Yeah. You’re lucky I didn’t go more expensive with thise. And more weird and more illegal. But does any of your love of luxury foods come from the fact that, you know, you grew up with six siblings in a one bedroom apartment, Spanish Harlem. I think a lot of people assume since you’ve been working since you were four, that you just grew up with a lot of money, but that wasn’t the case. No, no, no. We, uh, yeah, we lived on top of each other. Like, um, my mother didn’t have a family. She had a litter. There’s a litter of Culkins out there. There was a lot of hand to mouth living. Mm. You know, that kind of thing. Again, I’m not allergic to eating outta canes or anything. Sure. Yeah. That like, yeah. Um, af after a while, I became well traveled. And, uh, I have a very broad palate. I’m not allergic to trying anything. What memories do you have of the dinner table growing up? Was it like competitive for food? The kind of family where everyone was clawing at a single chicken? That’s a very cartoonish depiction. Kind of. Yeah. There’s, I’m third of seven kids. Yeah. Everything comes in packs of six or packs of eight. So either someone was gonna get shortchange or someone was getting a double. Were you ever the one that wanted to sacrifice themselves, that wanted to give it to your siblings? Because you seem like somebody who does care a lot about other people in that way. Yeah. I mean, yes and no. I mean, you know, but when you’re a kid you’re like, gimme that Oscar Meyer Wiener. Uh, yeah, no, the, it was just, like I said, it was, it was kind of a. It was kind of a free for all, a little bit. You become really good at hiding things in the fridge. Mm-hmm. Like hiding things in plain sight where it’s kinda just like, oh, that goes behind the butter now. Yep. And no one knows. You know, that kind of thing. Do you have any of those things that have stuck with you? Like I, I grew up super food insecure and poor, and I remember adding water to the ketchup bottles. Yes. To the, yeah. Mm-hmm. Any sauce that can get watered down and you’d be surprised at how much it still hits. Mm-hmm. When it’s half water. Yeah. Do you have anything like that that stuck with you to this day? That’s exactly it. Yeah. I mean, you nailed it, especially like A1 sauce. Mm-hmm. I, I kinda, I, I have a vinegary kind of tongue. It likes, it, likes vinegar. Yeah. And always loved that. But yes, I remember adding water into the condiments and, you know, just to make it last that much longer. When you’re young, everything seems normal because everything is normal because that’s all you. You have no context. You have no context. You have no context. How much did watching other shows influence the way that you viewed your own life? I’d never had any illusions. Mm-hmm. About like TV shows or movies. I always, I knew how the sausage was made. Sure. Yeah. You know, so I knew that that was, you know, the gap. An idealistic kind of like, kind of, you know, uh, um, spectacle. Mm. I knew that like what I was doing was different than other kids for me. I didn’t know how weird my life was until I got older and got away from it a little bit. Was there one single moment where you, where you were able to like sort of gain that amount of consciousness and go, oh, this isn’t the most normal thing. After a while you actually come up with the vocabulary, you know, the actual vocabulary, the emotional vocabulary to figure out where, you know, how this all shook out? Is that just through thinking it through yourself? Was it through therapy? Was it through talking people? No, no. Just, just, just thinking it out. Mm. Yeah. You’d be remiss if you didn’t like self-reflect, you know. Uh, when you stepped away from acting in 94 mm-hmm. After Richie Rich, and you said that you just wanted to be normal, to go to school, to do all the things that a normal 14, 15-year-old would do, did you find anything out about the term normal from that period in your life? What I wanted is to be with people of my own age. Yeah. You know, you have to, you have to remember a lot of the stuff that I did when I was a kid. Uh, I’m not doing ensembles. Yeah. It’s me. I, you know, you watch Home Alone and, or I’ll watch it with my kids, someone, I go, oh my gosh, I’m in Castaway. Except he had a volleyball to talk to. You know, like. It really is Castaway, I didn’t think about that. Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah. They’re like, oh, what was it like working with Joe Pesci? I’m like, have you seen the movie, we do maybe two scenes together. There, there’s, there’s that going on over here, and then just me by myself in, in a house. Almost home alone. Uh, but, um, I wanted to go out and I wanted to, I wanted to date girls and I wanted to hang out with people my own age. I wanted to, you know, I wanted to go to a party, you know? Yeah. I, I wanted to do those kind of things, you know, I can’t tell you how many bar mitzvahs I missed, you know, so I haven’t been Bar Mitzvahed yet. So, like, I could still throw an adult bar mitzvah if you’d agree to come. I, I, I will, I will totally come. We’ll do, I’m karaoke up there, man. We’ll have you sing Hava Na Gila. Oh, yes. Are you kidding me? I’ll, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll carry you on that chair, man. Oh, boy. Howdy. Did it meet your expectations being able to do those things at the time? Because at some point the toothpaste can’t go back in the tube, you know. It’s a one way street. Yeah. Uh, yeah. I, I, I was talking to, um. A friend of mine, this was years ago, this was like 15 years ago. They got, they got booked in a big, big time movie. Mm-hmm. Um, and they were going around, they were asking everybody, should I do this? Should I not do this or this and that? And yeah. Um, they never got around to asking me. And then I, I, I called them and I said, hey, I hear you’re asking around. He goes, I was saving you for last. I was like, oh, okay. And I said, uh, um, look, if you’re gonna do this, you’re gonna be famous. You can’t unring that bell. You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. Uh, said, are you, are you ready to be famous? And they’re like, yeah. And so next thing you know, you know, a couple Oscars later, there they are, you know. For me it was, it kind of just happened. Yeah. Um, I, I didn’t really do a lot of like, tugging on my parents like a sleeve going, oh, you know, mommy, daddy I want to be famous. I want to do movies. You did have that accent when you were a kid. I do remember that. Yes sir. I was, I was Oliver Twist. Yeah. Uh, but no, I wasn’t like that. I kind of just started doing it and I was good at it and I kept on booking. That’s really what it was. I mean, part of the thing that started off was, uh, um, my father wanted, uh, my older brother and sister, he was gonna go take him to the park and do head shots for them, you know. And my mom, I think she just was like, wanted a break. She’s like, take Mac with you guys. Yeah. So I literally just outta the gate. First audition. Booked, booked, booked, booked. It’s funny, this, this is a line of work. I didn’t find it, it found me. Yep. And, uh, that’s why I kind of, uh, came back around to it. Mm. Uh, Brenda put it the best way. She said, uh, you’re, you’re retired. And then you do, you unretire do a gig and then you retire again. And that’s pretty much how my approach is. And I know, I think she nailed it. I’m not beholden to the business. It’s, it’s that thing, you win an Oscar, right? You win an Oscar, you’re the top of your game. Mm-hmm. There you are. And you go backstage and you do that little press conference and you have your shiny statue and everything like that. You know what the first questions they ask you is. What’s next? What you doing next? That the pinnacle is not good enough. Yeah. You, you get on the hamster wheel and it can get very unhealthy. You know, you stick around in this business long enough. You, you either go crazy or you turn into an asshole or you die. That’s, that’s, that’s the trifecta right there. That’s the holy trinity. And so I try to avoid that. And again, it’s like I, I, I do a gig ’cause I, I want to do the gig and then if I don’t work again, that’s totally fine too. What do you think is inside you that allows you to do that? ’cause you see other people who are very much on that hamster wheel taking role after role after role. Yep. And I know you got offered a role in the Big Bang Theory, which would’ve made you so many more millions of dollars. Mm-hmm. But how do you think your life would be different? Do you think you’d be happier or less happy if you had that money? I’m, I’m pretty comfortable financially when it comes to that kind of stuff. I, uh, yes. Actually, you know what, uh, would you mind if I, uh, get my wallet, but no, I got enough scratch. I, I, I, I’ve done good. A lot of people who take a lot of roles also have enough scratch. Yeah, but again, that, that perpetual motion thing, I mean, you kind of have to be a shark. ’cause if you stop swimming, you’re gonna drown. I don’t take that approach. I’m, I’m more of kind of a, um, like a whale shark. I kind of just kind of just go and just sift. Yeah. Just things come my way and oh, that ended up in my mouth. Oh, delicious. Like, oh wow. I love plankton. What brought you out of, uh, your temporary recurring retirement for Fallout 2? I just love the show. Yeah. I was already familiar with the lore. I never played the games. It’d be that thing where I’d watch like a YouTube video or something like that. Like, you know, just kinda just, I like the lore of it. Yeah. So I was already into that. Um, and then we started watching the show. Brenda and I, we ain’t got time for nothing. We got two kids. They’re 15 months apart. What are the odds that the Irish kid has Irish twins? Yeah, well. Uh, um, so we started watching Fallout and we watched it all the way from beginning to end. Uh, we were binging it. Um, and halfway through the season, she rolled over in bed. She turned to me and she goes, you belong on this show. And I went, I know right. Uh, but no, it was true. It was true though. It, it had my sensibility, my sense of humor, my vibe, my tone, you know? So, yeah. And next thing you know, like, yeah, um, it just, they, they knocked on my door and uh, there you go. It was, you know, so, uh, it’s kind of like, uh, you know, that book The Secret? It was kind like that. She put it out there. Hey guys, remember the 2000s. Mac, for course number two of your final meal. We have the titular Entrecôte from Le Relais de l’Entrecôte in Paris, along with the frites as well. And then we have just some classic bone marrow with dressed micro herbs and baguette. Boom. I mean, be still my heart, you know? Right here. Literally be still your heart, right? Gonna be, I’m pretty sure I’m dead just looking at it. Man, where do we start? I guess we start with what’s in front of us, you know, do it. Yeah. I, uh, uh, I spent a lot of time over there, uh, at Entrecôte. I lived in Paris for five years and so there’s something, there’s more than one, but I always went to the one in Saint Germain. They knew me. All the waitresses knew me. Um, yeah. And, uh, the trick with Entrecôte, because they don’t take reservations. Yeah. For dinner, you have to line up, you know, a good half hour, at least beforehand, but go for lunch, no line, boom, boom. So, yeah. Yeah, because I love the, uh oh, okay. It was pretty good. We have called the head chef over at Entrecôte and they would not give us any secrets. Absolutely. We offered to fly their chef out. That seemed like a lot, if we’re being honest. Not to say that you’re not as you are. Wow. You know, I can hear you. You are. I just, yeah, I don’t know. We were like that chef, you know, we didn’t wanna go through all that. I heard about this joint and one day I just sat down. I said, can I see a menu? They go, no, no. They don’t ask you what you want. They ask you how you want it. And I love that. Yeah. Actually, Brenda, she, uh, she’s a pescatarian. She went for it. She went for it. She had some Entrecôte with me, so she liked it so much. She kept on eating it. Eating it. Oh man. Oh, it broke her. You broke her pescatarianism. Oh, but no, but it broke. Oh, it broke her, man. She was vomiting. Oh, her. It broke. It broke her. She was just like, oh, you know, I was like, oh yeah, because you know when vegetarians and pescatarian, like, you know, if it’s been like a stretch, you kind of ease into it. No, she ate like half a steak and just like, oh man. Uh, I was holding her hair for the rest of the night, man. You said when you moved to Paris, you thought that fewer people recognized you, but then you realize that Parisians just don’t really care. That’s exactly it. The French were, were a lot more chill, super chill. Um, it was a cafe out there. It was funny ’cause a, a, a buddy of mine went, uh, to this cafe and he asked for the wifi code and they handed him a card. And it was me. What? And the wifi code was like Macaulay Culkin and yada, yada, yada. Uh, so he actually brought, it was like a baseball card. He brought it over to me. And so I was like, where is this joint? So I went there and I sat down and I just immediately turned, to the waitress said, what’s the wifi code? She was like, I’ll be right back. And she brought the manager and the owner, and the first thing the owner said, he goes, I knew you. I knew if I did this, you were gonna come like, yes, of course I still have it somewhere. I still have that little baseball card. Like candyman, you can be summoned, you know? Yes, yes, yes. Make the wifi code Macaulay Culkin. Yeah, exactly. As long as you make the wifi code me. So yeah, I thought that was really cool. But yeah, no, but generally speaking, yeah, the French were really cool to me. Like you said, that it was, um, they were just unaffected by the trappings of, of being Home Alone or as they call it. What is it? It’s a, uh, Mama, I Missed the Plane. That’s what it’s. That’s what it’s called. That’s what it’s called. Do you know what it is In French? I, I, I couldn’t, I. No, that’s, I lost the plane. That’s a different one. That’s a different one. Dig it into the bone marrow. Mm. Okay. Let this get cold. Geez. Mm. Yeah. It was clean, simple. I try to put a little bone marrow in my kids’ like stuff. It’s good for them. Brain food. Uh, they know it right away. They’re like, ew, what? What’s in my macaroni and cheese? What kind of stuff? I know people will do that with like dog food, but you’re like putting it into mac and cheese. A little bit. It’s a little like little, little sweet. And they notice it right away. They, they won’t let me sneak that stuff in. Yeah. Who was, it was like Cameron Diaz was like, well, I sneak bone marrow and bone broth into into my kid’s stuff, you know, brain food, all that stuff. I’m like, lemme try that. And they’re like, this is disgusting. Uh oh. Yeah, you raise kids with a discerning palates. Yeah. Yeah. They’re like, who’s Cameron Diaz? Uh. I have a general theorem that normal people want to have fame and fortune and famous people have fortune, want to be normal. Do you think it’s just this sort of like cosmic injustice that we all want what we can’t have? That’s exactly. You want what you can’t have and speak that. Yeah. For me, I’m very happy with my station in life. My kids don’t understand yet. You know, they, they, they’ll watch some Suite Life ’cause I’ll put it on. Brenda hates it, but I’ll put it on. And they see, they see they go, uh, I said, oh, London Tipton. They’re like, yeah, that’s mama. So they, they get that. But when they see Kevin, they always call him Kevin, you know, again, because the illusion’s still there. Just two nights ago, um, my, my son was asking questions. He wanted to see a family photo, of like all my siblings. So I ran downstairs, I got it and stuff, and he immediately, his eyes darted to me and he goes, Hey, that kid looks like Kevin. And I go, he sure does, doesn’t he. Look at again? And, uh, he’s starting to put it together. I’m, I’m, I’m trying to keep up the illusion as long as possible. Like Santa Claus. Yeah. Really? That kind of thing. But, you know, I know some kid at recess is gonna ruin it, but, you know, at the same time, I, I can watch that movie now. I can watch pretty much the body of my work now. It takes on a completely different meaning that I have kids, I get to show it to them and stuff like that, and I see the joy that it brings them and stuff. It’s like now it’s different. The game has changed. For me, before it was a gig, now it’s something I can stand next to and be proud of and show my kids. Yeah. You know, I don’t run from, I don’t hide from, if anything, I embrace it. I mean, that’s why I’m doing the tour stuff and everything like that. I, you know, I like sharing that movie with people. It’s really cool ’cause it’s 35 years old now. Right. It’s been 35 years since most of these people sat in a movie theater, in a dark movie theater with like-minded people and laughed at the same jokes together. And you laugh louder when you, when you’re with other people. Like, you know, you smile bigger when other people are smiling. Yeah. And so it’s actually really cool, man. I’ve been taking the show on the road. You know, they watch the movie, man, they get so jazzed. They’re in the mood and I come up there. We do like a fireside chat kind of thing. We have a curated Q and A. I pull kids up there and ask them absurd trivia questions about the movie they just saw. It’s really fun to kind of get it on the road, get it on its legs, and just seeing how it’s still alive. Yeah. Those people are parents too. Yeah. And they’re bringing their kids to it, and they’re appreci. In a way that’s supposed to be appreciated. Um, so yeah, when it comes to like, you know, how time has aged in, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s like a wine. And I think also how time has likely aged you time and new life experiences. It seems like a big theme in your life from a young age was a lack of control. Yes. Like not being able to control the roles that you took. Yeah. Having to emancipate yourself to get control of your money and then not being able to control the narrative about yourself. You were growing up in a time when like, you couldn’t even share yourself on social media. It was all what the paps wanted people to see. Yeah. How have you tried to control your own narrative now? What is like the story of 45-year-old Mac Culkin? First thing I say, say to people is, uh, relax. I’m trying, no, I’m just saying in the Douglas Adams, don’t worry. You know what I mean? Don’t panic, you know, like that kind of thing. I see a lot of other, like celebrities and stuff, and they, they’re just not, they’re not relaxed, you know? Yeah. But no, it was a, um, it was a friend of mine, Doc Hammer, he’s a, uh, one of the guys who created, uh, Venture Brothers. Um, he said, um, it was. If you don’t tell your story, someone else is going to. Yep. And it’s true. You know, I, I had an ex-girlfriend, man. She, uh, she did something embarrassing on television and she told me not to see it. She goes, don’t whatever you do, don’t watch this thing. So I didn’t, and then we broke up. I immediately watched it, but she was like, how do I get this removed from the internet? I go, no, it’s, that’s the internet forever. So what you do is, uh, you do something that pushes that down the algorithm. You do more stuff. You keep on doing things. You, you keep on getting better at stuff. Um, you control your own narrative. Yeah. Uh, if you want to, but also if you don’t want to, I mean, gosh, I can’t even remember his name. The kid who played, uh, Charlie in Willy Wonka. Uh, do you know what he does? He’s a veterinarian. He does livestock over there in the uk. And that must what makes him happy. I think that’s really cool, man. Like, just, just do your thing. Whatever, whatever story you want to tell, just tell you, you know, like, you don’t, you don’t have to tell it, but if you do, go ahead. Like, you know. Yeah. Don’t let, but don’t let other people tell your story. What can you tell me about the life and times of Monkey Monkey Boy? Oh, the Monkey Monkey Boy. Wow. That’s a pull. Do. So you read, wow, you read that thing? I read Junior cover to cover, man. Oh my goodness. Wow. I’m not even sure if Brenda’s finished it. I, I, I really found it tremendously fascinating and in, in your very absurd style where it seems like you’re telling your story, but also intentionally disengaging from it. It, it was like a really interesting look at, you know, you’re writing that when you’re, what, between 20 and 25? Something like that? Yeah. Yeah. I was about 20 when I really started doing like the lion’s share of it. I was living in London at the time. Uh, I was doing a play and, uh, when you’re doing in theater, you kind of have a reverse schedule. You pretty much, you, you’re working night shifts all the time. Uh, so I did that and I just, I just ended up writing a lot and, uh, I showed about 20 pages of it, I think to was a manager or something, and they showed it to a lit agent and uh, I was expecting ’em to go, oh, this, this is really cool. Now, go write your memoir. And, and, uh, no. She, they, uh, she looked at it and goes, oh, I like this. Do more of this. So yeah, it was kind of more of a stream of consciousness, kinda like, you know, sharing your notebook a little bit. It was a really fun, it was a fun, uh, uh, uh, project. You know, I haven’t lost writing altogether. I just don’t do it as much. Again, I don’t have time. I barely watch, you know, I barely got through Fallout. Yeah. Um, but, um, no, it’s always been a, a, a, a passion. I’m, I mean, at some point, uh, I’m gonna, I am gonna circle around and do that memoir, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I liked your comic with the chef serving a steaming pile of cow shit. Yes. Yes. That my, it, it doesn’t matter how you cook it. People, you know, if you, uh. If they’re hungry enough, they’ll eat shit and like it. They’ll eat shit and like it. Yeah, yeah. The surprise was the secret ingredient in the bone marrow, human shit. Whoa, wow. Is it my birthday? Mac for the third course of your final meal is stuff that you did not ask for at all. We have New York style pepperoni pizza, classic New York style dirty water dog, and then some New York style bagels. Oh, the twist is. The bagel. These are all, I believe, Los Angeles’s best versions of these things. Oh, good luck with that. I’m a New Yorker, so I’m a snob. I’m a snob about all three of these things. You are the only Culkin that has escaped New York, much like Kurt Russell escaping the city. True, true. So have you. Yes, I have. You’ve done multiple stints in LA but now. Okay. You’ve really put down roots here. Okay. So this is me trying to get you to reckon with your new home and the delicacies that we have to offer. Alright, good luck with that. So this is New York. I know you’re quite the snob about it. Yeah. Where, where is this, you know where this is from? Apollonia’s. Apollonia’s. I believe the single best New York slice. Okay. In Los Angeles. Outside of New York? Yeah, outside of New York. That’s good. I, I’ve been, I’ve been. I’ve been everywhere, man. I was in a pizza band. We were an international band. Yep. Humble brag, isn’t every. What country throws beer bottles the hardest at you on stage? Oh, Jesus Christ. That was, that was the UK. Yeah. Oh man. That adds up. That was Bristol. It was a gig. It was a gig on a boat. I’d actually, I, I’d actually worked for that, um, stage before, but for some reason, man, they were surly, you know? Yeah. I. Also the way we were, were booked, I think on that gig was like, there was like an electronic band before us and this and that, and we’re like this anti folk outfit that just rhymes mushrooms with mushrooms. And so they started throwing things and that’s fine. Um, but what got dangerous though was the, uh, uh, they threw, uh, uh, they threw one and they started hitting the ceiling and then it was showering down on people. And I was like, yeah, this, this, this ends poorly. And then one of my band mates said the wrong thing. It was kinda just like, why are you throwing bottles at us? It’s like, oh God. That’s a mom going stop bullying my son at school. Exactly, exactly. You know? So, uh, and then next thing you know, boom. I was just like, yep. Uh, you know? Yeah. That was, that was definitely an interesting thing again. Yeah. Bristol. Yeah. Where do we, where do we stand on the pizza? Does it, does it taste like home? Does it feel like home? Mm-hmm. You feeling anything deep in your New Yorker soul? This was a solid, dirty slice. Yeah. Yeah. No, in a good way. Greasy, good. It’s like Willis Reed being, you know, carted on, on a wheelchair back onto the court. Back in 72. There’s not a lot of Knicks highlights to really focus on in the last 25 years, so I had to dig deep, I’m so sorry. Brenda is so spoiled. She’s gotten five championships in her lifetime when it comes to the Lakers, you know. And like the last time the Knicks won, that was, it was eight years before I was even born. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And so, uh, but at the same time also I, you know, I got my Giants, my, my giants have four rings in my lifetime. That is true. Mm-hmm. And then the Rams have two in her lifetime, but one of them was from, was in St. Louis and before her time anyway. Doesn’t count. Doesn’t count. Okay. So this is from, this is from Larry’s Chili Dogs. Okay. Right here in Burbank, California. I think the best hot dog in the city. Okay. Lemme try it. That good. Mm-hmm. Good, good. You want a little gaminess. Mm-hmm. In your hot dog. That’s why that grace, grace papaya is like the best dog. Going back to, uh, your pizza band. You’ve done a lot of things in your life, that to me, would signal that you’re like a deep absurdist, which would kind of make sense because you’ve lived such a deeply absurd life. Mm-hmm. You know? But now that you have kids, do you still have that absurdist outlook or is something sort of like drawn you more inward and understand a grounded nature? I’ve leveled out more. I still kind of like do like little like fun little projects and things like that, but nothing really too, too kooky. Gosh, it must have been what, two Oscars ago? Something like that. Two or three Oscars ago, Eric Andre, like text me. And he is like, Hey, do you want to, uh, do you want to go try to break into the, uh, uh, the Vanity Fair after party and get arrested with me? And I just was like, I said, well, two things. Uh, one, I gots kids like, I just like, I, I can’t do that kind of stuff anymore. And secondly, they’ll probably let us in, so. It’s not as fun though. Was there an old Mac that would’ve just gone? Oh, absolutely. Are you kidding me? That that would’ve been my dream like like three years earlier, five years earlier, I’d be like, oh yeah, Eric Andre. Yeah, let’s, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go do something stupid together. He, he’ll just text me randomly. Like, he, I was on a plane this maybe about two months ago or something like that, and he just text, text me, come to Malaysia with me. Just, just apropos of nothing. I think getting arrested in Malaysia is different than getting arrested. Yes, exactly. But you just, again, I got kids, so I, I’m not, I don’t really do those kind of stunty kind of things. Yeah. You know so much anymore. It’s not kind of ironic because you met Brenda on the set of Changeland. Yeah. Changeland if you will. Changeland. But you kind of like, played this swashbuckling, nomadic, drunkard ship captain. Yeah. Ca, captain Mac Sparrow. Yes. How far away from your actual life was that at the time? Oh, it, uh, it wasn’t, uh, that far at all. Uh, here’s the thing is that. Seth Green just said, be yourself. Essentially, just be a drunken boat captain. Yeah, I go Great. I hate boats. So, uh, so yeah, so I was like, I’m gonna need some whiskey to get on top on that thing and stuff like that. I got, yeah, fast forward eight years and, and two kids. Mm-hmm. And, you know, really settling down roots with Brenda. They say timing is everything, but do you think that was the right time or was it simply the right person? It’s funny, I, I always kinda say like, she kind of like, she picked me up off a pile. I’d always wanted to do the family thing. Mm-hmm. I always wanted the kids and the whole works. I wanted that, um, and it was just starting to like sink in, like then it’s not gonna happen. You know, at least the way that I’m acting, the way that I’m conducting myself. Sure. Like, yeah, no, no self-respecting woman would, would have my children and then, yeah. No, she, um, she, the, she saw the best of me and, uh, uh, it made me wanna be better. And so, yeah. I, I try to, I try to live up to her expectations, you know? I know, I know. I disappointed her sometimes, you know, but. Sure. But, I’ve never had that before. Uh, being believed in that way, uh, to the extent that when she was doing that to me, I was doing this and whoa, whoa, whoa, stop hitting me with, with loving me completely and like nicely and doing things for me. Yeah. The first time, like I was hanging out at her condo and stuff, uh, she goes, give me your laundry. I was like, my laundry. She’s like, yeah, I’m gonna do your laundry. She cooked me a steak. She’s a pescatarian. You know, like it was really weird. It was like, and again, it was kinda like I’m waiting for that other shoe to drop. I was always kinda going, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Uh, are you trying to trick me here? Something like that. It, it felt unnatural, uh, until it started feeling natural. Yeah. This is the way that like, you know, this is the way that they write about it in books and all that kind of stuff. I get to have that, uh, and I’m, I’m really happy, I’m really proud of my life. I’m proud of my lady. I’m proud of my kids. I’m proud of the house that we live in. You know, I, I, I’m proud of all the, the, the, the core stuff, including the trappings too, I used to sign things. Uh, and, uh, one of my jokes was, couldn’t have done it without you because I don’t know, Joe, Jimmy, Jim, Jim over there. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. But I couldn’t have done it without you, Jimmy, Jim, Jim. No, it’s like with Brenda, it’s like, no, I couldn’t have done it without her. This whole life thing. Like in Yeah, when it, when it comes to, uh, just the work that I’m doing and just, uh, the way I receive life. Yeah. It’s something else. It’s something different. Um, and, uh, again, I’m very, very blessed about that. Yeah. I think a lot of people have responded to you and Brenda’s relationship with that sense of pride that you’re describing in yourself. I mean, you see all the comments on the video of, you know, you and her taking the Cosmo Couples Quiz or, or at the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Yeah. Like the world is rooting for both of you in a lot of ways. Whereas, it seems like for a large part of your life, there was a big part of the world that was rooting for your downfall or even making up stories about it. You know. No, they, they were, yeah, they were kind of controlling that narrative, you know, again, it’s like, you know, I kind of, I also let them have it too. Yeah. I was like, oh, I’m done with this whole business thing. Whatever. You could. Sure. I’m Mac, you could have Macaulay Culkin. Yeah. But that’s fine, I really don’t care. Uh, um, it was tricky when I was a teenager because one kid, one another teenager. It’d be fine. It’d be really cool. They want to hang out. They wanna be your best friend. You know, you get a pack of teenagers, there’s one houseman ship and shit like that. Like, you know. Yeah. It, it, it made me stay at home. It made me hunker down, uh, in probably not the most healthy ways. The stuff that they would pull, like the press back then would never fly. Never fly today, you know? Yeah. Uh, did you see that as linear progress? Like, hey, we’re doing better, or do you think we’re sliding into. I mean, I guess we’re doing better. I mean, like, you know, I don’t know. It, it’s never perfect. People also are overly sensitive to, I’m not sure where it lands. I know, I just know, uh, uh, the Razzies, you know, uh, they went after the, uh, the young lady, she was in, Fire Starter. She also did an American Horror Story with me. Uh, um, but they nominated for a Razzie. And I went to them on Twitter and I was just like, you know, I did the, the tweets thing and I was just like, no, like he goes, it, it’s not funny. It’s not cute. I know, I know. The whole idea is you’re taking the piss outta these people. Like yeah, take the piss outta Halle Berry doing Catwoman. You know, because she was down, she actually accepted her award. You know, it’s supposed to be fun and games and you know, I said it wasn’t funny back in 1994. And it’s still not funny now. And they, they took her name off of the category and stuff because it’s like, yeah, don’t do that shit, man. Like, the kind of bullshit that they would do back then. Like, you know that, I’m glad that that doesn’t fly as much nowadays, you know, because it was, it was, it was, it was tricky, you know? Yeah. Dig into this bagel man. Yeah. We gotta try a bite. Tell me if you now taste home in Los Angeles. Mac, I need this emotional catharsis. Where’s this from? Uh, this is from Hank’s. This is my favorite. Courage, I think is overrated. I love, I’m a Hank’s guy. That, that we have a Hank’s down the street from, from me. I think it’s probably the same one. It’s the same. Same Hank’s that’s down the street from me. Come visit me and Mac at our homes. Our addresses are mm-hmm. Hanks. That’s solid? Mm-hmm. That’s a solid bagel. Wake and Late. Wake and Late. Wake and Late. They make probably the best bagels in LA, to be honest. He’s a native Angeleno, we can’t return the Rams jerseys, ladies and gentlemen. Good though. It’s a little chewy, but good. Mac, for dessert. Campbell’s Homestyle Chicken Noodle Soup. Yeah. What’s behind this, man. It’s just, uh, again, I was kind of raised on this kind of stuff and it’s um, it’s funny. Brenda was the one who suggested this. She’s the one with the sweet tooth and my kids inherited her sweet tooth. Um, me, I like savory. I muchly have like a cheese plate or something like that, but like, yes, this is, I usually have a bowl of soup before bed almost every night and yeah. Yeah. And I, again, I’m not allergic to eating out a can. I love, man. We would’ve served it right in the can had we known, but man, cheers. This has been wonderful. Dig in. Don’t worry. I have a new spoon. Oh my God. He is using it. Holy shit. That is so hot. I like it though, that’s the, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. What is wrong with your mouth where you can do that? I don’t, I don’t know. Have you seen hot ones? Yay. Fair point. Listen, he put up a top two Culkin Brothers performance in Hot Ones. Oh, thanks. Yeah, but well, yeah. My, my joke is, um, was, it was right after he won his Oscar. I was with a buddy of mine in a car and he knows me and he is like, you have a joke yet? I say, yeah, I do. I say, well, you know, I’m really proud of my brother. Between me and him, we have exactly one Oscar. So, yeah, I’m very proud of him. He’s, um, he’s done good for himself. Uh, man, I mean, he just, at 15 months, man. I mean, he won a SAG, a BAFTA, a Globe, an Emmy, and an Oscar for like two different parts and two totally different projects and stuff like that. It’s like, man, I don’t think, not even Meryl Streep had a run like that, you know what I mean? Like that’s, I’m, I’m very proud of him. It’s a hell of a run. None of you can top Rory’s performance in Lords of Chaos, though. I know. I went to the premier that. Did you really. Love it. Oh man. I remember he was sending me pictures of him all in the makeup and everything like that. Dude. He works more than the rest of my family put together, man. He always, yeah. He has a bit of hustle in him that’s a little different. Like Yeah, he’s, he’s not a whale shark, you know? He actually like, he, he goes for it. Yeah. I’m, I’m proud of him and my kids love Uncle Rory. They always talk about Uncle Rory all the time. It’s so obvious how much love you have for specifically the family in your life, and I know growing up, you know, you’ve written about it in Junior and your many attempted letters to your father. Mm-hmm. You know, all of you. Got a real shit end of the deal with that. Mm-hmm. Which nothing can change, but, were you the type that tried to protect your brothers from that abuse? Because I know sometimes you find yourselves going, hey, every man for himself right now we just gotta survive. Yes, of course. I’m protective of my, my, my family, my siblings, especially back then, you know, I took the brunt of it. I was always on the road with Kit. Hmm. You know, going from city to city and things like that, uh, I was trapped into, in small hotel rooms with a crazy person. You know, and, uh, um, you know, so I, I, I was the one who took the brunt of it. Uh, I could tell every time he, my father wasn’t around. There’d be like, just the weight would come off. And so I know that that’s what was happening at home. And I was the one kind of taking the brunt of it, but it’s also, I, what I always say about me is better me than someone else, you know? And so, um, I took my lumps, uh, but one of the things I’ve been learning is, um, you know, ’cause, uh, you know, kind of those kind of things leave a mark is that I’m the kind of person who doesn’t have to take my lumps. With, with my kids, it’s, um, a lot from me is, I don’t want the sins of my father being passed onto my children. You know, I, I work really hard on that. A friend of mine, she said, uh, you know how there’s certain women out there. Uh, and how they’re supposed to be mothers. She goes, you’re born to be a father. There’s, there’s a word, um, that I use in my household, um, ’cause it’s something that I didn’t really hear enough of when I was a kid. And that’s proud. Man, I’m proud of my kids. You know, I, I go out there, I’d be like the, you know, number one movie in America, yada, yada, yada, stuff like that. Never got the P word. My kid, he does his recital and the curtain opens and he’s really excited about it. He’s gonna play a bug and he’s like, I’m the, I’m the bug who gets the egg? And as soon as that curtain opens, he freezes and he cries and he runs off stage. And so I go and I go scoop him up. And the first thing out my mouth is, man, I’m so proud of you. You were so brave to go out there like that. Like you did that. Like, there’s so many people, like, and you, I love your costume. Like, I’m proud of you, proud of you, proud of you. You know, so it’s a, um, I’m proud of myself that I, that I, that I can provide for my family in that kind of way, and that I can love my family, uh, the right kind of way. Yeah. I’m proud of you too, man. Honestly, it’s, um, thanks, dude. My biggest fear is getting stuck in that multi-generational cycle. Yeah. You, you even write in Junior, true. You do not become your parents. Also True. You become so nauseatingly like your parents, that it makes you sick. Yeah. You know? And I know that was written from the angsty teen perspective. Yeah. Yes. You know? Mm-hmm. Being kinda little, you know, edgy out there. Mm-hmm. But no, but it was true though. Was there a big fear in you that whatever disease my dad had, that’s somewhere inside of me. Yeah, absolutely. No, and it can haunt you, you know? Yeah, of course. Uh, um, the way I learned how to be a father, uh, was through Brenda. Brenda’s such a good mother and she makes me want to be a better father, a better person, but a better father because I see how good she is and I see how happy our kids are. And I go, okay, look, yes. You know, don’t, don’t listen to me. You wrote a checklist of things you wanted to do before you died in that book. Mm-hmm. And one of them, again, I’m sure, tongue in cheek, it says die at 27. Yes. Is there a part of you that genuinely thought, I’m not making it past that? I mean, at that point in my life, I wasn’t sure. Yeah. Um, but at the same time, I, I do remember very vividly, um, uh, I was in a bathtub and I was taking a, and I saw a bath in the middle of the night. And uh, I was waiting, you know, it was 1159 and boom, I’m 28. I go, okay, there you go. I made it. Everything now is just bonus time. Yes, exactly. It’s all gravy, baby. There was another thing you had on that checklist and it was enter a pie eating contest. Mac, I hereby challenge you. Oh geez. To a pie eating contest. One slice. This is Roman rules. Hands only. You keep on adding courses. Somebody gimme a 3, 2, 1. Go. 3, 2, 1, go. Oh gosh. You win. Mac, this is so much denser than I thought. I thought the foie gras was dense. I don’t feel good, Mac. I I’m, I, I am good. I think you’d win. Did that satisfy your bucket list? Jesus Christ, yes, okay, cool. I win right now. You win. You win. And I need to revisit that book. And revisit that list because I’ve done things in the meantime. Like, one of those things is like, I throw out the opening pitch at a baseball game, and I did that at a Cubs game. I was like, oh, cool. Look, you know, I have a copy of the book if you wanna go through and check it off yourself. And what? Oh yeah. What you mind? Yeah. You get like a, the hand, uh, you know, I, I done by my own hand. Have you fought in a war? No, not really. Not yet. Well, actually, I don’t know. Um, uh, wait for, uh, Fallout season two. Who knows? Hey, yo. Mac, ready to move on to the lightning round? Sure. Let’s do it. Sounds great. Who’s the one person dead or alive you’d wanna share your actual last meal with. Uh, Oscar Wilde. That’d be cool. What song do you wanna be played at your funeral? Uh, You’ll Have Time by, by Shatner looking again, like, I think it’s called. Yeah, it’s, it’s all about dying. With the Rams defense, giving up 30 fewer rushing yards per game this year, primarily out of nickel base, do you think there’s a case to be made that Poona Ford was a more important acquisition than Devonte Adams? I, I, you said, you said the keyword. Poona Ford. I swear it’s a, uh, if he was one inch taller, if he was six feet tall, he’d be making bigger bank. This, he’s got this little kind of stigma that, man, we haven’t had a guy plug up the hole like that since, uh, since, uh, Sue, since Sue was on the team. Really? You know? Yeah. Um, um, no, no. Uh, that’s what it’s all about. Poona Ford. He’s the, he’s the quiet MVP of this season. You know, it’s, ’cause that was a big hole in our defense was the run and mm-hmm. Poona man, he just. He does it unsung hero. What’s your biggest fear? Uh, not having Poona Ford on the Rams. Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? No, it’s not. It’s it’s based, uh, uh, around Christmas. Don’t fight, fight me on the moon. It’s really messed up. It’s based around Christmas, but if it was also St. Patrick’s Day, it would still be, it would work, you know? Yeah. But you couldn’t do like Memorial Day Home Alone. Like, no, it doesn’t work that way. I think Arbor Day works. You can be in a tree house. I, I’m, I’m just saying is that like, listen, I, I’m kind of the Godfather of Christmas nowadays, so, so, you know, uh, uh, yes. My, my opinion has some sway in this argument. Finally, Mac, are you happy? Yes, I’m very happy. Uh, uh, and so is my tummy. Uh, yeah, no, I’m very happy. I, I, I love my life. I love, uh. Love everything. I’m so happy you’re happy, man. I’m happy that you joined me here. If you want to give your last words to that camera right there. Hi. Uh, uh, thanks for, uh, thanks for watching this, uh, this show. It was, uh, it was delicious and so, so was your company. You guys. Yummy. You couldn’t have done it without you. Couldn’t have done it without you. Everyone check out Fallout season two. Mac, truly, dude, this has been the pleasure of a lifetime, man. Hey, cheers to Poona Ford. Cheers to Poona Ford. This is really about. And spoons. And spoons. My free spoon. We’ll see y’all next time. We all gotta eat and we know you’re dying to get your hands on a last meal’s apron and pin. Get yours now at mythical.com.