Feel how cold it is. Feel how cold the chowder is. It’s cold, it’s on my face. Right, its so cold. Hey, welcome to Mythical Kitchen, where dreams become food. Consider the clam chowder bread bowl, one of America’s iconic foods invented at the State Fair of Oklahoma in Tulsa in 1831 invented by John Clam Chowder and Christina Bread Bowl Of course, they got married, it was a shotgun wedding Pod didn’t know that Christina had a little clam in the oven, if you know what I’m talking about, they fused together thus creating the clam chowder bread bowl. But I think it’s outdated there hasn’t been a new shotgun wedding, decreed and edibles soup vessel in a hundred and ninety years if my maths are correct. So here is my proposal to you, it is a modest proposal it is an indecent proposal. I’m proposing, a clam chowder bread funnel also known as an ear-bay-ong-bay. I’m speaking pig Latin to confuse the algorithm. So you don’t flag us for the word ong bay. Take that AI is stupid idiot. So to honor the marriage of John Bread Bowl and Christina Clam Chowder whichever one I said, had which last name we’re going to make a clam chowder ear bay ong bay, AKA a clam chowder funnel. I’m going to have a bunch of clam juice and dairy all down my shirt, it’s going to matten my chest hair, and then I’m gonna drive home and I’m just going to stew it. I’m not going to shower immediately either I’m just going to sit there and stew on my couch. And then when Julia comes home and goes, what’s that smell, I’ll tell her I have no idea. She goes, it’s obviously coming from you there’s clam chowder matting your chest hair and I don’t think that’s true. I don’t know when the cat’s going to start licking it up. We broke the recipe down to three easy steps. You can find the time codes right there. We also got a full written recipe down to the description. Let’s get cooking pip and hope you’re hungry tonight, buddy. Obviously, you know why you’re here, right? Of course. Because I’m Josh And I’m Trevor And we’re… [Both] Wicked smart All right. So can you help me figure out how to make a clam chowder bread funnel? Yeah, so you want it to have like a bread shape conical Yeah cause one of the things I love about a clam chowder bread bowl is that you get to take a sopping wet bread, filled with clam juice and you get to eat it afterwards. Yeah yeah So I still want that to be in this clam chowder bread funnel situation. I still think that it has to be edible afterwards, Okay, okay. But also it needs to be functional in the sense that, you know, a funnel has a cone shaped thing that you’re going to fill with liquid and you’re gonna kind of like, suck down through a pipe Through a pipe. Okay. So we need a bread pipe also. Bread pipe also also known as like a A baguette A baguette. I tried to draw cone and it kind of looks like a diaper. Yeah, dude, that’s a diaper. this is just a … [Laughter] Stop showing them it’s not done yet. No, this is a… It’s a baguette. It’s a baguette I see the, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then this was, it turned into an acorn, but it’s meant to be a vessel… A picture of a chowder Well I mean, the drawings are all great. Can you actually make like a cone of bread? Well, here’s the thing Josh. I can, and you want to know why I share what he practiced this before. Stop telling them that, it is not scripted. It’s not scripted, but he practiced it. He’s like I might say this Here’s why it’s possible. Let me tell you why, because of the brothers Grimm, are you familiar? They wrote a Grimm’s fairytales or something like that. I don’t know. That’s probably in there. And then Walt Disney ripped it off to create the Disney franchise and that which created Disney princess and then lots of the people want, small girls usually want Disney princess cakes and so they make a conical dress shaped cake pan with which to make a dress shaped cake, but we’re going to use it to make conical bread. That looks like a diaper. That’s what he practiced. Wasn’t it good You’re they worst. I’m sorry I’m going to draw you looking real stupid with the… No don’t draw me looking stupid t’s like the portrait of Dorian gray. If I see it, I’ll become stupid whereas now I’m wicked smart . Trevor say it, come for all time sake. I’m Josh And I’m Trevor And we’re [Both] Wicked smart. All right. Yeah. There’s clam okay. There’s Josh, you look stupid, this is clam chowder coming down into his mouth hole. This is a baguette that’s been hollowed out through the middle and this is a diaper and this is a picture of clam chowder. I think we got it. My open and willing mouth, I know… hold on, my open and willing mouth I know that I can provide that. Yeah. That’s never been a question You can make a baguette certainly. Certainly. Do we think that we can actually make a hollow bread cone that can function filled with clam chowder and that will accurately connect to a bread pipe and get in my open and willing mouth? My eager, open and willing mouth. This is why you hired me, okay. You hired me for this day for this moment to make you this and I’m pretty confident that, you know, we can make it happen. Can’t say ong bay, but can say willing mouth. Hey everyone. It’s Josh here gonna make some bread. All right, let’s get no, I’m just kidding. I’m not just Trevor. You silly goose. Josh doesn’t know how to bake bread. So he… ay I’m here to coach if you need it buddy. He asked me, he said, Trevor, you’re wicked smart I’m not, even though I say I’m all the time, so can you do this, and I said, listen boss you got it there buddy, I’m always here for you I’m always going to be here for you and for all your glutinous needs. I’ve got a large fat loaf, well, not a loaf yet, but it’s a big piece of French bread dough and there’s a recipe for it down in the description feel free to use it if you want to make this at home, I don’t know why you would, it seems like a mess but it’s a good bread recipe for things other than funnels, things other than funnels. Don’t say the B word. I’m not going to say the B word, Josh. Not that B word but the other B word. No, I got it. Don’t say either B words. Yeah I won’t say it. Stop using the letter B. Yeah the B word. So I’m going to take this dough I’m going to split it in half-ish. One half is going to be a little bit bigger and that’s the half that we’re going to use for the cone, but this half, this piece here, I’m going to turn into a baguette. And so for a baguette, you just want to press it out, kind of into a rectangular shape, press it out. This dough’s cold, it’s been in the fridge. It’s tough to work with, but that’s okay. It’s actually, I like it better cold for making a baguette. Cause it keeps its shape more, but it is making my fingies cold. But yeah, I’m just going to keep folding this over and pinching it down. I’ve made a lot of baguettes before technically actually, okay, this isn’t really a baguette because there’s a special way you’re supposed to make the dough to make a baguette, this is just a long piece of bread, but we’re not going to tell anyone. Josh, you do this all the time up here just, you know, just you and the camera. It’s jarring, isn’t it? It’s weird, man. After a while you learn to let your internal monologue be your external content. But like here’s the thing is like my internal monologue is like really depressing. Yeah. Most of the show is depressing if you really listen to what I’m saying. Yeah. So this is a long piece of bread and we’re going to set this in this here tray, which is one fourth of a baguette pan because it doesn’t fit in her oven so I have to shove this in diagonally, but I’m going to let this sit in here and I’m going to let it proof up a little bit. And then I’m going to show you about my cool, my cool, sorry. You learn to do a lot of that So anyway, I got this smaller cone and a bigger cone, now the idea here is I’m thinking of it through what I’m going to do is I’m going to take this big piece of dough, you know, I probably could have use the bigger one for the long part and then the smaller one for the cone part, but we’re not going to worry about it now. What I’m thinking. This is not tested, not tried. I’m gonna lay it over the top and I’m going to press it down into this cone shape. And then I’ve got the bigger one cause I’m thinking, once it’s on here, then I put the bigger one over the top and then it just stays cone shaped right. Cause if I just let this sit in the oven, then it would just kind of proof outward, but I think if I just put the bigger one over the top, then it’ll kind of stay in a cone shape and then we’ll be able to put the clam chowder into it and then Josh will be able to suck it through a tube. Yeah, suck it good Trevor. Yeah lick it right, lick it good lick this chowder just like you should. That’s right. Yeah so anyway, I made this bread cone and then I think I just put it like this and then it’s going to have a little lip, which I think is fun you know, I like a little lip. I don’t think proofing this is going to do much so I’m just going to put this one in the oven. I’m going to let the long one proof though, because it needs it, to get big. But I think I’ve put this in the oven and I don’t, it don’t fit. Just pretend I put it in. Trevor did such a great job on that bread now I’m going to make the clam chowder. I’m just gonna consult the diagram. Yeah the black squiggles going into my open and willing mouth. Ah, so let’s make it. Clam chowder. What is it? It’s a milk based dairy soup, but also filled with cans of clams. I like to start mine with bacon, kind of start of by doing.. clams and bacon go really well together salted pork products and the shellfish are always a good idea. So we started rendering our bacon in there and then we have potatoes here. There’s these were Idaho russet potatoes grown in the great state of Idaho. Where, who who’s from? Yeah me, Trevor Napoleon dynamite. And then we’re going… …Trevor’s been to the Napoleon dynamite High School. Do you know that? Trevor tell them about it. Yeah so it’s up in Preston, Idaho, and it’s about as full as you would think it was like very mildly cool. That was a great story. Thank you. So we’re gonna go ahead and cut these potatoes. I like to do somewhat smaller potatoes with my clam chowder. Also keep in mind, we need to fit this through an ear bay ong bay aid may out ay love may ed bray. We tried. All right so bacon’s almost fully rendered. There we go, we really want to get a lot of that fat out of there because the fat is what’s going to create the roux for this. I’m going to add these onions into the… I started making hand motions. Like I’m going to add these onions and I was like, why not do it now? What are you waiting for? Life’s short add the onions. I’m going to take some salt, It’s like sugar, but it kind of draws the moisture out of your mouth and then I’m not gonna tell you how to cook but I think you were supposed to take the bacon out. BS, why? I want bacon in the soup, No but t like you can put it back in later. Why, what does that do? Tell me Nicole told me to tell you. Nicole why what does that do? I wrote the recipe, but I don’t really remember. Why did you take the bacon out? You just leave it in and you want it in there. All right. So we’re gonna add some salt, we add some pepper in there. You crazy kids taking out your bacon. I think you want it to stay crispier Wait it’s going in soup. What do you mean stay crispier? How’s it going to, if you were garnishing it on top, would you just add it back? That’s one of those things that like there’s so many recipes out there on, let me jump up on a soapbox. I remember like Emeril making a recipe for clams casino once and he’s like, you’re going to put the clamshells on a bed of salt. That way the salt gets into the clams. Like how the hell is salt gonna penetrate a clam shell? You don’t want people to do that because it looks bougie And so it doesn’t move around when it cooks. Yeah, that’s fair to put it on dirt. I don’t know. No. The reason you would take out bacon in here, bacon, when it’s cooked in soup can lose some of the actual flavor in its meat but that’s because it’s transmitting throughout this soup. When people say, oh, it’ll stay crispier, but no, you’re soaking it back in the soup, you leave it in the bacon stays. The bacon stays! It’s either the bacon goes or I go Choose. Oh, you really want me to…? Yeah, I guess that would make your lives a lot easier, I guess. So we’re going to add flour in there to make our roux. And now I’m going to take this, your chicken stock. Add that to it. I like to add the stock in gradually and kind of like get a paste going out of that roux and then stir that in. So we’re using a mixture of about two parts chicken stock to one part heavy cream right here, getting the flavor from that stock and then, cream is just milk plus more milk. It’s more milk per milk than other milks and so that’s going to be good. All right. So does anyone care? Do you care? You want to see me get covered and clam chowder? Or can we just skip it? And so we’re going to go ahead. We’re going to take this cream. Puts some clam juice. Add that. Whoa, hold on, hold off the clam juice. I don’t want the clam to gets super over cooked. No, you put the clam juice not the clams. I know, just giving you a second. I’m trying to do it How are the clams gonna get over cooked if they’re not in the pot, It just, it’s going it’s just, it’s quick. It’s just, you know, I need to think. You’re not acting very wicked smart. I’m wicked smart, you’re not wicked smart. Nah, you’re not wicked smart [Inaudible] You think you’re better than me, you’re nothing you’re cabbage, your cabbage you’ll always be cabbage. Cabbage? All right. Well, we got the cream in there now we’re going to take some clam juice. Just gonna strain that through there’s a strainer right there. Well, I got a strainer in my hands, That is what I drew in the diagram. All the claims are in there [Laughter] What? It’s going into my body. This is how I cook at home. I’m taking the clam juice when two clams, cause this Snows wild caught clams. None of those domesticated clams. They didn’t just go around to like I dunno, children’s aquariums and steal their domesticated clams No. Wild clams, real ones out, out there doing clam stuff. And then boom, someone from Snows shows up. Goes oh, you’ll end up on a YouTube show and soup. Soup’s almost done. All right, I’m bored, let’s toss in the clamps. What? Josh What They’re going to get tough. No, the potatoes are cooked. No they’re cooked. They’re not gonna get that… Okay. Well here’s the thing. Let’s try one of these clams. Let’s see how tender they are. They’re tough as hell, they’re from a can. They’ve been, they were cooked 9 years ago and put in a can I’m soaking them in salt water. And I’m gonna put in the potatoes. You silly guy. I was going to say like, if you’re okay, if you’re like… If really want to make the clam chowder don’t don’t watch this video like Google best clam chowder and then you’ll find like some other schmuck on YouTube who just like wrote down a random amount of ingredients and probably has 9 million views from 13 years ago Watch that video, It’ll probably be fine. Most clam chowders are fine. What’s the ceiling on clam chowder. Really? We’re going to let that just be soup for a second. And then I’m going to prep my mouth. Hey everybody. It’s me, Trevor I’m back. I got the bread out of the cone comment below what you think it looks like. I think it looks like an eye. It’s pretty cool. Pretty fun looking and along bread with which has been cooked as you can see from the browning. I got a hollow this out, which is why I have a knife and I think I’m just going to kind of go for it and it might take a while so in the meantime, I’m going to ask Josh what I should say to you. Josh what should I say to them, D a lot of innuendo about what those two things look Trevor Oh, okay so… I can’t. I gotta Do it, do it, I love it. Hilarious stuff. Get ready and then [Laughter] All right, we’ve hollowed out the baguette. I could see through it, now I’m gonna take off just the tip, oh it’s hard, wait, Let me just [Laughter] Josh. that wasn’t a sexy thing. No it’s good actually. I like that. I’m just going to cut a little hole here. Nice crispy tip there. Now tell me what it looks like. Get it, Josh? You didn’t laugh at… I don’t get it Trevor Hear me out here, I think this is gonna work great. Glue it. No here’s what I think I should do. I’m gonna make the hole a little bit bigger and I’m gonna kina jam it through. Jam it, what’s the difference between jam and jelly? I don’t know what? jelly isn’t made with the pulp of the fruit and it’s the strained juice. Yeah. Okay. so here’s a genius idea. In case you get some air holes in your bread funnel then you just take this bread here and you jam it around the sides and then you pack it and it’s like a mortar on a brick house. Tell us more about brick laying You know, I’ve never been accused of being good at laying brick, but boy, do I lay that pipe. Boo! Trevor that’s wildly inappropriate for work And we’re done. Bring in the ch.. Bring out the olives. Bring out the chowder. Josh Ow me, that was an actual, I thought That a cue Yeah chowder’s cold. That’s better. Do you want it to be piping hot when it’s a sliding down your.. No I want it to be a little bit warm. You want to put it in the microwave? Yeah No don’t put that in the microwave No I want a microwave it. It it’s cold chowder. I’m not __ cold chowder It can’t be that cold. It’s so cold Hold on, I just… It took you so long to hollow out that bread. Feel how cold it is. Feel how cold the chowder is. It’s cold it’s on my face Right? So cold. You’ve got something on your face. I can’t believe I almost dropped. Let’s do this quick before it. Calm down. Okay I’m not going to lie. When I was talking in the beginning about bread bowls and funnels and ear bay ong bays at no point did that really prepare me for what’s about to happen now that I’m seeing it. Cause this is going to be, it’s going to be a terrible experience. What do you mean? This is going to be fun for anybody. What do you mean, its just like the diagram We did, yeah in the diagram I’m having a great time, but right now I don’t Josh get your mouth under the hole. What’s the best case scenario of what happens here. You’re going to get covered in clam chowder. She’s drinking it from the chowder vet. Alright, well here we did it. We proved that we can do it now let’s prove if we should. Yeah. Take my glasses. Do you want to take your shirt off Do I take my shirt off No I don’t take my shirt too much Nicole won’t let me. Now we commenced with the ceremonial clam chowder funneling. We’re getting in here Where, is it? It’s right there. Okay hold on. Get the hole. Wait are we going? Yeah. Five, Five? Ow Gosh Four, three, two one… pour. Dumb it. Now take a bite of the baguette, Take a bite of it. Put it back up, put it back up No no no Are you ready? No more. Okay. Good soup One more , one more one more , let go again. There’s like a little bit. He’s a glutton for punishment. There’s like a little bit. Okay. Ready? Yeah Go, I’m pouring Okay okay okay Hold on. It didn’t look like a lot. We’re gonna clog. Okay. Blow, blow, blow, blow . Blow. You gotta unplug it. Pour more, it’s trapped on the side. Oh God. Okay. It’s coming down now. Josh you have to keep it, please don’t spit on me You gotta keep it straight. Hold on. Let me just get it down there. Please don’t spit on me Somebody get a broom I think if we learned anything today, is that sometimes you get a clam chowder bread roll from Panera and you shouldn’t write anything down in your iPhone notes app. Maybe you go to Panera and you just enjoy your time you’re probably going to target afterwards, get something from the chip and Joanna Gaines collection. That’s what I’ve learned today because if I had done that, I wouldn’t be here and I’d sure be a lot happier and a lot less sticky when I go home. Thanks so much for stopping by the Mythical kitchen. Got new episodes for you every Wednesday or whenever the hell we publish I don’t know. We have new episodes for our podcasts that one’s on Wednesday for sure. Right? I got clams log in my esophagus. Follow us on Mythical kitchen, Instagram that’s mythical kitchen on Instagram at under hashtag dreams become food is a thing. Where people will post about us. Just like Joshua Bergner did. And he said, Hey, this one’s for you big boy. See you next time. The mythical trucker hat is the only hat I wear and I am not just saying that because this is an ad. So go get yours@mythical.com.