Do you have faith in us? Yeah, of course. When have we ever done something to not give all the people the faith in us that we are like the best cooks in the world? Probably every single time, but, you know. Most…. [Trevor And Vianai] Panada Express. Panda Express. Panda Express. Hi, thank you for choosing Panda Express, would you like to get the Wok-Fired Shrimp today? Well, I mean, now that you ask, of course I would. And then can I get two orders of chicken egg rolls, please? And I think that’s gonna do it. Anything else? Yeah. No, I think we’re good. Just to let you know the Wok-Fired Shrimp will be about six dollars for a small, is that okay? Ah, man. Man. What’s money, you know? Money’s not real. You break out them egg rolls. We’ll save the Wok-Fired Shrimp for later. Yeah, yeah. Family meal, family, oh, wait, okay, there’s two. So I’m like you have one… A good sign of an egg roll though. Is that it’s greasy through the packaging. You could read a newspaper through the package. Dude, these are fresh out the fryer too. Oh my God, these are so pretty. Wait, did they give us the sauce? They give us sweet and sour sauce? Yeah, yeah yeah. Gotta sweet and sour sauce it. They did new packaging ’cause before it was like a red color. Yeah, they got like the Jack in the box hot sauce back now. I haven’t had a Panda egg roll in probably years. Oh, it’s been a minute. It’s been a minute. Wait, how do you eat yours? ‘Cause I like to split mine. No, the first bite I take it deep in the mouth as possible. Oh, don’t choke. Hot! Hot. It’s so hot. I think they take the chicken mixture and turn into like a sausage, before they fry it. Yeah. Right, right, right. That’s good stuff. Honestly, this is really good. Now, we gotta make it fancy though. Like way fancy and way bigger. Like, three times as big. I got a really dumb idea. And you know you do and I’m all for it. Whatever it is. It’s a kind of referential to Gordon Ramsey. We’re gonna get weird with it, dude. Okay, okay, okay. V, you might notice we got a ton of seafood out here and there ain’t none of that inside of a Panda Express egg roll. No, it’s a little stinky too. But it might smell like the back of a Panda Express. I actually like this smell. I like to just load my car, my glove box with some scallops and they kind of age in there. And then just perfumes it throughout. It’s actually really nice. Okay, so right now we’re… Did you say your glove box? Yeah. Bro, you do not store fish in there. Dude, yeah, no. It’s like an air freshener except it’s the opposite. So we’re making what is effectively like a seafood force me right now. Yeah. So I got this really dumb idea. Egg rolls are effectively a chimichanga, which are effectively a Beef Wellington. This is how I see the world. Depending on the size. Depending on the size. I think we gotta go a little bit bigger on this. Okay. Wait, how much shrimp and how much scallops– You toss in like half that, half that, half that. Half that, yeah. And then, you’re gonna go in with that Iberico ham too. We’re effectively going to make like a moose. Or like a sausage right here. Yeah. And then, my idea is that we’re gonna sous vide a tenderloin. And then we’re gonna wrap this around that, then wrap the egg roll around that. And then, we’re gonna put some more stuff in that to wrap around it. And then create the world’s fanciest egg roll. Are you tracking? I think, my brain wrapped around what you said. So we’re good. That’s good dude, ’cause mine didn’t. Did you like that pun? That was good. That was one good one? Actually no, I did try an outlaw puns in this kitchen. That was more of an Anneleise problem. Anneleise, I’m still watching you. I swear to God, don’t you dare make a pun outta that, Anneleise. Don’t you dare. She has the best puns. I don’t like that. Puns are a refuge for the week. So there we go. Beautiful lobster tail. Can I eat a little piece of this ham? Am I allowed to eat it? Yeah, can I have some ham? Yeah, you… We’re gonna need a lot of ham to keep our energy up. ‘Cause we got a lot to do. So this is actually inspired… I’m like a seal. The flavors in here are inspired by XO Sauce. One of my favorite sauces outta Hong Kong. And they actually use ham in there. Along with like scallion, sesame, all that good stuff. So I figured blending ham with seafood, won’t go wrong, right? Why not? Drop a little bit of Shaoxing wine in there. Gotta show them the beautiful bottle. ‘Cause it’s so fancy. We get bottle service the club, just drinking Shaoxing cooking wine. Imagine they came out like this and then they brought in the sesame oil. That might be kind of lit. I don’t like that they put sparklers in the bottles. I’m not like a club guy. I’ve gotten bottle service occasionally. I like went out to Vegas with my brother’s like finance friend. That was a weird time, man. I don’t get it. Where you going? I don’t like that they have live fire around alcohol. I think it’s a bad move. Dang, you know? Little bit more. More? Little more. There we go, there we go, there we go. I didn’t even think about that to be honest. I always just enjoyed the view. Didn’t know if there was gonna be an explosion happening. Oh, dude, smell that soy sauce. Oh my gosh, that’s like rich. That’s pretty nuts. It was very heavily age soy sauce. And there, were gonna use that as our salt component. Oh, that’s beautiful. Love that, love that, right. Can you blend that up? Yeah. And then we’re gonna fold in the ginger and the garlic and the scallion and the carrot and the mushroom in there. All right. Does that look good? That looks really good, right? We see like all that, oh, dude, looks really good. Damn, look at that color. Look at all that ham in there. That’s smelling all kinds of great. All right, I’m gonna pull out the blade. And then… Why? Well, ’cause then you can like mix stuff in there. Oh, okay. Does that work, does that make sense? It’s like, I wanna question some of your methods. Why? But then I just give up. I almost have a degree in something that’s not cooking. What is like, how does that not qualify me to do this? Almost have a degree. I got so close, I failed Spanish. Yeah, you’re good, you’re good in life. That’s More onions ’cause I like onions. Yeah, yeah. Do fill all the scallions. Mushrooms. The scallions are great. Yeah, yeah. Mushrooms. So we got these talking mushrooms going in there. That’s gonna add some nice like kind of earthiness to cut through all the seafood. And then of course, we’re gonna wrap this around a whole freaking beef tenderloin. Do you think this is gonna work out? Yeah, of course. Do you have faith in us? Yeah, of course. When have we ever done something to not give all the people the faith in us that we’re like the best cooks in the world? Probably every single time. But, you know. Most time there’s a lot of doubt. I get it, I get it. Oh, yeah, mix that up. And then now we gotta get to sous vide some tenderloins. I’m ready. That’s a stake. That ain’t a stake. That’s just a whole muscle that they ripped out of a cow. That’s a tenderloin. Like someone just reached into a fistula and then… So big tendy. Don’t Google image, cow fistula. All right. So we’re making the mushroom duxelle. So right now we got four wild mushrooms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got shiitake. We got enoki. We have oyster mushrooms and then we have lion’s mane. I pointed at all the wrong ones. Yeah you did. But those are all there. Okay. Add some oil to that pot. Then get the mushroom saute. Going in there. So duxelle is what is typically added to a Beef Wellington. It’s like this little mushroomy flavor mixture, that you pack all around the steak. And so we’re gonna make that. Now, right now, I’m gonna take this whole tenderloin and I’m gonna kind of trim this up and butcher it. And I’m gonna save the scraps for chili. God, I love my scrap chilies at home. Not the scrap chili. The scrap chili. Oh, it’s coming out this weekend, V. So my goal here is to, I’m trying to create like four longish logs. So we have just like a full tenderloin in the center of each of these here, egg rolls. How long do you think we want these egg rolls to be? Like that big? That’s a good size, they’re reasonable size. Right? That’s a reasonably sized egg roll. I’m gonna trim this up. I’m gonna try and get like four different logs, out of all these bad boys. We don’t want to be too big. Okay, ’cause here’s the thing. We tend to make things way too big on “Fancy Fast Food.” You know. We or you? Listen, I don’t, I feel like to think that anything we do as a team. So like my failures are also your failures. That way I can just spread out my failures across, you know. That’s fine, that’s fine. I’ll take that responsibility. Like Michael Jordan misses the last shot of a game, maybe Scotty didn’t get him in the pocket. You know what I mean? Like, that’s what I’m saying. That’s a way different team effort than cooking. It’s like whenever I take. But I see where you’re going with it. So I’m gonna just stay here and do this. I see you trying get a log here. How’s that going? It’s going great. Do you have the ginger in the garlic, yet? No, I was laying a little bit, but now I’m gonna add it since you said it. Then we’re gonna sous vide this like a perfectly rare. And my idea– Okay, have you done this before? No, dude. We’ve never done any of this before. I once deep fried a whole Chipotle burrito. That’s like about as close as I’ve gotten to this. That was a real thing I did. It was when 420 and Easter fell on the same day and I deep fried a whole Chipotle burrito. What are those? You guys get it? This is a nice little tenderloin log, right? That looks nice. Somewhat even? Right. Yeah. Good egg role size. You can toss this into the bag. I think so. I think, we don’t know. Do you see anything about this that wouldn’t work out though? Oh, no. A perfectly rare tenderloin in the center of a giant, shrimp and lobsters sausage egg roll. Visually, I can’t see it. But, we’ll figure it out when the time comes. We always do or we don’t. We always do. And sometimes it’s bad. But all we know is it’s freaking fancy. That’s right. Am I missing something? I’m missing this. Yeah, yeah. So we wanna get as much flavor in there as possible. So you’re gonna go, soy, sesame oil. And then you got the Chinese 5 spice in there. Yeah, I do. Heck, yeah. It smells beautiful. I’m gonna take some ginger. I’m just gonna, crush it like that. Yeah. And then we’re gonna pop this in there and just get some aromatics in the sous vide. The goal is to sous vide this perfectly rare and then we’re gonna sear it real quick. Brush it down with that… With? The mustard that I haven’t made yet. We’re gonna brush it down with some mustard. Yeah. And then we’re gonna get the duxelle on it. Okay. And then, and then We’re gonna make egg roll. This is too . She just made egg roll. Just like normal, that’s egg roll. Like, we just, would you watch that video? Just like how to make a normalized egg roll. But like, are we normal? So. No, that’s true. We gotta stay true to ourselves and make everything way more complicated. Than it has to be. For roughly no more taste. All right. So couple Sichuan peppercorn is really get that sort of aroma in there. You got a little. I’m just making shrooms. What was that? I think I got some steak on the ground. I don’t know, dude. I’m getting, I’m feeling overwhelmed. Are you? I’m not. A little bit. I feel great. I’m just over here, I’m just stirring my mushroom. You just vibing with the duxelle. I think it’s pretty good if you wanna turn that off. Okay, cool. And we’re gonna get a little bit of soy sauce in there. Okay. And then… You got the sesame? That’s it. We got the sesame, we got the soy. We got the aromatics. Okay. Now, we’re just gonna get this vacuum sealed off. And hopefully, doesn’t suck out the liquid and ruin our machine. That would be your fault. ‘Cause this is like the trustee “Fancy Fast Food” souvenir bag. We’ve been using this since day one. Yeah. It’s definitely had our backs this whole time. And we put some weird stuff in there. This machine, I don’t know. This machine’s my only friend, all right. Yeah. Good job. You know how to press buttons. Well, I normally don’t. That’s the thing. No, you sure don’t. Oh, no. Hold, hold. Uh-oh. No, it’s fine. What’s that noise? I don’t like what’s happening in here. Do you like what’s happening in there? It sounds like there’s a hole in there, but I can’t tell. No, it’s fine. It’s just sucking up, the machine’s thirsty. It needs to drink all the juice. So it’s a vampire? Yeah. Okay. It’s a psychic vampire. Okay. And you need to get them outta your life ’cause they are toxic. All right. So we got duxelle, you taste it yet? Nope. What’s it gonna taste like? There’s a lot of flavor in there. Love. It tastes like love. We’re gonna sous vide this in 120 until it’s perfectly rare. And then I guess, we’re gonna make some sauces. Yeah, that’s my success. V, we’re in the champagne room now. Oh, no, we’re not. Never go to that. If someone tries to get you to go to something called a champagne room, they’re tricking you. Don’t do that. Don’t do that. You gonna like come out $300 poor and feeling real weird by yourself. More like 2000. Where are you going? We’re making a champagne sweet and sour sauce. So we got this 2006 Brute Rose Nicolas Feuillatte, Palmes D’or Champagne. I’m just gonna shake it just a little bit. Looks fancy. Where does it go? There we go. Damn, almost took the roof out. I’m just gonna get that. Yeah, yeah. So you know it’s good. So we’re gonna reduce this now and try and create a sweet and sour sauce out of it. And I think it’s actually gonna give it some good, like, you know, color. It’s a Rose. I didn’t even think it was gonna be that color to be honest. Yeah. It’s a Rose Champagne. Which is why we wanna use it instead of your standard Doms, your Cristals, whatever. Yeah, yeah. And so you’re gonna go ahead. Take this passion for you. ‘Cause you’re doing a passion fruit champagne, sweet and sour sauce, typically sweet and sour sauce. You might have like ketchup and a bunch of like sugar and corn syrup and all that. And then we’re also making a hot mustard. This is a weird thing. Yeah, you ever worked with fresh passion fruit before? Why is it? Yeah, it’s been a while. It’s got crunchy seeds in it. So you’re gonna add that to the boiling champagne. Okay. And then we’re actually gonna strain that. I’m making some hot mustard right now. ‘Cause I wanna brush down these tenderloins with the hot mustard. Do it really like a Wellington. Dang! Smell that, dude. Fermented white pepper. Ooh. Yeah. That’s bitter. Yeah, right. I want this to be huge flavor punch. So we’re gonna take fermented white peppercorns. We’re also gonna take Sichuan peppercorn beef. Smell that. You just making me smell everything today. I like that one. I like smelling things. That was a little bit more and lighter. Yeah, Sichuan’s pepper’s really crazy floral. Are we adding all these goodies too? Yeah, yeah. Add the ginger. Add the garlic to the sweet and sour sauce. We’re gonna still get those aromatics in there. Okay. And then dump in like, I don’t know, maybe like a quarter of that sugar and then we’ll just see where we’re at. I’m just gonna bash away at my peppercorns. I wanna make this mustard like really pungent. V, I wanna hurt. I want these egg rolls to make me feel something, man. You wanna hurt. I just wanna feel something. It’s like go to the champagne room, you just wanna feel alive? No, you’re pain– It’s like a creepy guy wearing aviators inside. Who goes like, you wanna go to the champagne room? And you go, I don’t know, man. But, yeah, I think do. Oh! You’re not supposed to trust that guy? You know what I mean. No, you always trust that guy. He’s always got a backpack and you’re like, what’s in the backpack? No, he’s the fake like stockbroker, you know? All right. Ooh, this smells so nice. My grandma’s backyard. Your grandma making champagne sweet and sour sauce in her backyard? She might, yeah. She did have a lot of plants back there and a lot of fruit trees. So you never know. What else did she grow back there? I can’t tell you. Are you a cop? Are you a narc? No. Nicole thought I was a spy for a long time though. Oh, I could see that. You’d make a pretty good spy. I’m a terrible spy, oh my God. All I do is talk, I’d spill secrets. You’d get caught in like the first five minutes. So easily. Never tell me, never trust me with anything. I don’t want that burden on me. All right. So now we’re grinding mustard flour, into all this Sichuan peppercorn. Ooh, that’s cool. V, smell it. Smell it. Smell it. I don’t smell anything. Smells like a rock. I smell dirt. We’re gonna add a fair amount of salt to the mustard. Okay. There we go. Champagne’s boiling, that’s good. How does that smell? It’s nice. Smells, like the champagne room. All right. We’re adding a little bit of vinegar to the mustard. There we go, there we go. And then gonna smoke a little bit of hot water. Oh, that’s starting to look nice. Okay. It’s, you know you drop champagne in there, right? Dude, yeah, a little champagne to the mustard. Okay. I just didn’t know that was part of your– Come on, get a little champagne in there. What are you doing? It’s busy mustard. One time I was at the Sizzler buffet and I tasted their salsa and I was a kid and the salsa was fizzy. And then now, I know enough about lactose fermentation to know that salsa had just rotted on the Sizzler buffet. Not the Sizzler buffet. Yeah, Sizzler buffet. That’s where it’s at there. That’s like hater right there. Me and my mum used to spend a lot of dinners there. That’s where it’s at. That was the first time I ever felt fancy ordering steak and lobster. Yeah. It’s like $13. Yeah, yeah. That’s the roots of “Fancy Fast Food.” The Sizzler steak and lobster. this mustard. Yeah. Definitely, yeah, used to dress up for it. That is a pungent flavor. That is a pungent flavor. V, that’s a Sichuan peppercorn. Woo. You did say you wanted your heart to burn, right? That’s a lot. That’s like a wake me up call. Dang. You think your iPhone alarm wakes you up? Nah, ah. Use hot mustard to wake your body up. Holy crap. I never taste anything like that. That’s a… It’s good. I mean, here’s the thing. It’s gonna be spread on the tenderloin. And so it’s just gonna, you know, be there for like a nice little punch throughout the whole thing. I mean, by itself it’s a little, it is a lot. But, you know, with the meat combination and our shrimp paste, it’s gonna be great. Come on, man. God. No, do not put that back in there. Paste. It’s great. All right. You ready to make these egg rolls? Yeah, I’m so ready. You ready? ‘Cause you look like you’re about to break your neck. Bro, drool, is just like oozing from my throat into my mouth and pulling under my tongue right now. Oh, you need to go see a doctor about that. Let’s make some egg rolls. V, we gotta finish these damn fancy egg rolls. I know– There’s been a lot of build up. There’s been a lot of build up. There’s a lot of stuff. But, hey, if you don’t want to go through the trouble of making very fancy egg rolls that take six hours and you still don’t know if they’re gonna work out, you can buy frozen egg rolls and, and, and. And? If you wanna know what the best frozen egg rolls are, V, they got a ranking over at Sporked.com. Go to Sporked.com, link right freaking there. Could you just go to it? It’s free, you don’t have to… Like, you just go there and then you click around. And then like, their page numbers go up and somehow we get money. I don’t know how it works, but please do that. Like, it’d be really, really, really cool. All right, cool. V, you’re gonna see off those tenderloins. So we’re just gonna try and go, like let the pan get screaming hot. Drop a little oil in there. It’s a little hot, okay. Sear them on all sides. We don’t wanna cook them. These are cold out of the sous vide. We hope to just sear them and come up to the perfect end, inside the egg roll. Okay. Speaking of which, I’m gonna start rolling these bad boys out. So yeah, let’s get… Get a little bit flour on there. You got space? Yeah, we got big ass egg roll wrappers right here. That’s not for a big ass egg roll. It’s for a big ass egg roll. Ooh, hot. There you go. Get a little bit of flour here. I’m gonna try and use water. Just stick it together. go fast. You gotta go fast. You gotta go past. I’m gonna take a whole lot of the sausage. Make sure I’m gonna try and spread this all over, the egg roll wrapper here. And then, we’re gonna nestle tenderloin inside. We’re gonna brush that down with the world’s most powerful mustard. Yeah. That could be a whole superpower. Yeah, that– That’s off Tony Scherer’s, he used this hot vest mustard. If anyone remembers the rosewater onions we made for the fancy midrib, this is worse. But, we made it, it’s fancy. It’s got the fermented white peppercorn in there. Yeah. We gotta run with it. Okay, hold on. Now, we’re gonna go duxelle in there. Yeah. And sort of just sprinkle this around. Kind of shred it evenly. Yeah, we’re looking good over here. There we go. It’s going, oh, those are awesome. Try to brush the mustard down on top of that. Make it very thin. Are you making an art piece? We’re kind of like, yeah, we’re kinda like… You’re like picassoing the mustard. You know Jackson Pollock, like, he used to just like drop like cigarettes that he was smoking into his paintings? V, drop one of those right there. Is that legal? Pull them, pull them, pull them. Pull them? I’m pulling them. Don’t use your finger that’s what my– I’ll freaking do it, I swear to– Don’t do it. One more word and I’ll, okay. So we cut this just… Stop using your hands. Dude, bro, I got it. Okay. Well, let me do this before the house blows up. V, I’m gonna need your support here emotionally and physically. Okay. I’m trying to take this. What do you wanna do? My fingers are ready. Just flip it. And then roll it. Did you do that right? Hold on. You did that like a burrito. I’m trying to couple it. You’re supposed to do it like an egg roll. I’m trying to go, I know I’m supposed to do it like an egg roll. It’s technically a burrito, right? Like, okay. What are you doing? I’m trying to make sure the sausage is evenly dispersed, not all of it. And then I was just gonna try and tuck this in, but our dough is wet. Our dough is wet. And these egg rolls to me are too big, for egg rolls. Oh, are they too big now? This is gonna work out. I think it is too. Wait, you’re on a good path. I’m gonna let you do, keep doing what you’re doing and let your flow go. ‘Cause your flow is flowing. And then I’m just gonna try and like. Bro, this is messed up. Why is it messed up? I think it looks great. I’m gonna try and kind of just like, do one of these. Should we just drop it and figure it out? Yeah, frick it. Be with God. Run. Oh my God! It’s all right. Bro, like there’s a whole spider right there. Listen, I don’t know what to tell you. We could have done that, but. So now we’re just gonna let this fry for a couple minutes and pray. V, pray to whatever God’s out there. Look how good that’s looking. That looks so pretty. That looks like crispy, KFC skin right there. All right. We’re gonna pull this. Like KFC. I think we’re done, I think we’re done. The tenderloin’s already cooked. Okay. It’s 120 degrees. And so we’re gonna pull it. I love what’s happening, I love what’s happening. That’s good. No, the fryer’s angry because you made food so good. Sorry. Now, I guess we just cut it in half. Yeah. Should we do while it’s burning hot? I guess we’re gonna need this knife. Well, I don’t know. and listen. Should I cut it this way? Yeah, what? Oh, okay. I already did it. Yeah, I know. You should have made it little bit longer. But, I like it. Wow! trousers. That’s very silly. Dang! I’m kind of really proud of this one. I’m not gonna lie. Like this is a really cool visual. I have never been so doubtful in myself. I tried to keep it together throughout this whole thing. What? But the whole time, V, I didn’t doubt you, at all. But myself, I was deep in the pits of just self deprecation. And we’ve risen up like a Phoenix to create, whatever the hell that is. The order of the Phoenix. All right, V, we got our incredibly fancy, Beef Wellington inspired egg roll. This looks silly. Wait, wait, hold on, see what compares the original one. Grab the Panda egg rolls. This isn’t that big. Like, compare. That is like, you know, like sushi burrito size. This is what that– This is just Sushi burrito. This is just jumbo size, you know? Yeah. Let’s try… This one, are we opening some sauce too? Yeah, yeah. Get a nice little drizzle. Remember what it used to taste like. Drizzle. Oh, good. You did a good job. This is delicious. Okay. Let’s try a fancy one now. Are we going sauce first? Wait. No, we have to bite it first to see. Yeah. And then we dip. Yeah, yeah. Cheers. Wow! That is a freaking flavor bomb. You know what’s crazy? You can’t taste the mustard. The mustard works. It blends in everything. Hold on. I gotta go sweet and sour. I’m not gonna double dip. Yeah. Yeah, I’m just gonna drip on you. I’m just gonna drip. There it is, there it is. Okay. Now, we’re in the champagne room. Yeah. It’s a little overwhelming to bite over this big, a piece of meat. Lean into it though, it’s fun. I mean, this is actually genuinely delicious. Like, I was worried the whole tenderloin was gonna pull out. But the beef’s so tender from the soup eating. This is freaking good. We killed this one. Okay. But wait, like how much did this cost though? Pennies on the dollar. We spent $248 and 61 cents. But in the grand scheme of things. Yeah. You can’t take it with you when you die, you know? You gotta bury yourself with coins for the boatman. Nah, you’re tripping. I’m burying myself with this egg roll. Put this in my coffin. V, thank you so much for enjoying this experience with me. I feel like we’re closer than ever. No, I love this. We’re great. Thank y’all so much for watching “Mythical Kitchen.” We got new episodes for you every week. We got new episodes for our podcast, “A Hot Dog is a Sandwich,” every Wednesday wherever you get your podcast. Oh, I choked on it. Uh-oh. Get it out, get it out. There it is. Show us love on Instagram and TikTok at “Mythical Kitchen Pictures,” your mythical dishes under hashtag Dreams become food. We’ll see y’all next time. Hey, you, cook up your own feast so wearing the Mythical Kitchen apron. Available now at Mythical.com.