Where dreams become compilation episodes. We’re taking a little spring break breather right now. Nicole, Trevor, and Vi are off at Sandals Jamaica getting their little tan on. So instead of a new episode, we’re gonna countdown the top 10 most chaotic moments in Mythical Kitchen history. And believe me when I tell ya, it was a tough list to narrow down. So sit back, relax, grab some corn nuts, and enjoy the show. Number 10. HABAUSAGE. HABAUSAGE. HABAUSAGE. HABAUSAGE. HABAUSAGE. HABAUSAGE. HABAUSAGE. HABAUSAGE. I went this entire episode without making a rum ham reference, even though we glazed a whole ham in rum, and I’m so stupid. HABAUSAGE. HABAUSAGE. You know the reason for that particular mental break, it wasn’t anything that happened during the episode, it was the fact that the day before we were just slopping around in like 10 pounds of raw meat, trying to figure out how to take sausage and wrap that around a ham. And so I think something just kinda snapped up there. Also, the funniest thing, is that I got a bunch people tweeting at me videos of their toddlers chanting, “Habausage.” And they wouldn’t stop. So, to all new parents out there, I am so sorry for indoctrinating your children. It was not my design. I’m not that sorry, but you know. Number nine. Do it! Do this! Come on. Gamer juice. Gamer juice. Oh God, it’s so much cheese fat. This is gonna explode. Ammo’s coming right to your groin, brother. I see the line of shot just the way Trevor sees the COD snipes. What? I don’t know. Is it? Oh God. Oh God. Oh, oh God. Oh. Ah. It might shoot out. I’m gonna aim it. Okay. So, then what you do, we’ve got our Doritos tea that’s been carbonated. We’ve got a little bit of product loss here. And then… It’s so gross. What we’re gonna do, We’ll get a La Croix. Look at all this schleem. We’ll put some La Croix in there or something. Look at all the shleem on there. And then we’re just gonna take a whole bunch of that syrup and give it the ole one, two. And uh, Doritos Mountain Dew. Trevor, oh my God. We did it. As it would turn out, carbonating a bunch of cheese fat, and dehydrated boiled orange rind wasn’t a good idea. We probably could’ve told you that before the episode, but to me what made this really existentially chaotic was the fact that Trevor kept talking in gamer speak, and I had no idea what he was talking about. 360 no scopes and what not. And when I feel like I may be losing touch, I tend to lash out. And so there was a certain amount of aggression in that video that I didn’t mean for it to come out. Also, the long hair back then, I think I acted a little crazier with the long hair, and once I shaved it, I kinda went back to the normal business-like professional that you know and love today. Number eight. And so what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna take this here patty. I’m gonna put it on that, Nicole. My hands are… This is gonna grow some fire. Josh, it’s gonna explode. Take the salt! Salt it! Josh, it exploded! That’s very dangerous. Oil exploded. One day, something crazy is gonna happen. Pan lit on fire. I ain’t ever seen that happen before. You know, the funny thing about this disaster, is that just moments before the pan erupted into a little fire volcano, is that producer Annaliese was like, “Hey Josh, that pan’s looking really hot. Are you sure it’s not just gonna catch on fire?” And I was like, “Annaliese, I know what I’m doing. The pan’s not gonna catch on fire. No way that pan catches on fire.” And then she’s like, “Well, it’s smoking a lot, and there’s oil in it.” And I was like, “Annaliese, you..” And then it just goes and explodes. But the good news is, anytime a grease fire happens, all you have to do is put a lid on it and then it’ll shut it down. Unlike Gordon Ramsey on his show, where he threw it into a sink and then sprayed water on it. And that’s a good way to get yourself exploded. Don’t get exploded. Also, probably good not to trust my judgment sometimes. Number seven. Take your shirt off too much. Nicole won’t let me. And now we commence with the ceremonial clam chowder funneling. Okay get in here. Where is it? It’s right there. Okay well hold on. Get the hole. I’m over the hole. Wait, are we going? Yeah. Five… Why five? Four… Oh gosh! Three… Two. One. Pour! Dump it. Dump it. Now take a bite of the baguette. Take a bite of it. No, put it back up. Put it back up. What? Put it back. No! No! No! No! No! Are you ready? No more. Okay. What was that? Good soup. All right. One more. One more. One more. He wants to go again. Are you serious? Just like a little bit. He’s a glutton for punishment. Just a little bit? Just like a little bit. Okay ready? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Go. I’m pouring. Okay. Okay. Okay. That’s a lot, Vi. Where? Where’s it going? Oh wait, hold on. It didn’t look like a lot. We got a clog. Okay blow. Wait blow. Blow. Blow. Blow. You gotta unclog it. Pour more. It’s trapped around the side. Pour more? Oh God! Okay, it’s coming down now. Not a lot. No Josh. You have to stay… Where’d it go? Josh, you have to keep it. Please don’t spit on me. Keep it straight. Please don’t spit on me. Keep it straight. Hold on. Hold on. Let me just get it down there. Please don’t spit on me. Please don’t spit on me. Well. Somebody get a broom. If we’re being honest with ourselves, that was the best case scenario for the clam chowder bread bong. There was no other way that this ever could have gone, other than Trevor physically massaging clam goo out of a three foot baguette, stuck into my windpipe, and getting my face covered in a sticky, white liquid. This video either represents the best of Mythical Kitchen, or the worst of Mythical Kitchen, and I don’t exactly know which. That said, I’m not giving up on the bong as a mechanism for drinking soup. Stay tuned next month, when we try and beer bong lobster bisque. Number six. You know how we can show them, Ben? That they need this. World’s greatest commercial. Right now, I’m all jacked up on ghost chili, and processed pork meat, man. We gotta do this. If we don’t do this I quit. If it doesn’t get mad in your chest hair, you don’t deserve to be there. Stop looking at me. I’m sucking down a Tacrib. You know, sometimes the best ideas start with, “I’m gonna take my shirt off. We’ll go out to the train tracks with a bottle of barbecue sauce, and we’ll figure it out.” And that’s exactly what we did here. I don’t think anybody made the conscious decision to go like, “Hey, Vi and Nicole. You’re gonna be creepy, disaffected back-up dancers. Trevor, you take a bounce board and stare gleefully at Josh pounding away at railroad spikes.” I don’t remember making any of these decisions. But to me, this is maybe my favorite thing we’ve ever put out on Mythical Kitchen. Also, I just got barbecue sauce, completely covered in my chest hair, and I had to walk back shirtless. And then the barbecue sauce baked into kind of like a fruit leather, and I had to almost peel it off. And then it created a rash. So, if anybody out there doesn’t think I sacrifice for my art, I got a barbecue sauce fruit leather rash. The biggest sacrifice you can make. Number five. You may have a couple questions. Yes I am a man under 50 years old who has transition lenses. Yes it is 100 degrees in Burbank, California. Yes I did urinate in my jhorts. Any questions Emily? I mean, I just live for the now like I said. Oh boy. We got some . Welcome to Burger King. Home of the Whopper. We’re grilling this on Argentinian eucalyptus charcoal. It’s just right at me. Oh God, it’s getting in my eyes. Oh Christ. I’m just wet. You wet? Here, we’re gonna let this grill for a second. Did you just ask me if I’m wet? Oh God, where’s the salt? Well it’s never a good sign as yes. The answer is always. Yeah, sometimes you gotta ask. So, we’re just gonna get some peppers on there. It’s gonna flame up. Sometimes you gotta ask kids. All right, so. Fudging heck that’s hot. Frigging on my nippins. Holy shenanigans. God dang it. Great. Ew. Okay, so we’re gonna get this… Ah God, my eyes are burning. The pepper is coming up into my eyes. Emily knows. We got this hamburgers on a grill of Argentinian’s whatever charcoal. Stop. Stop. And we got her a Malbec. This is a wine from Argentina. Stop. Stop. You said frigging on my nippins. Frigging on my nippins. Here, let’s try and, ah crap. This is gonna go so poorly. Why did we do this? I don’t know. ‘Cause the Whopper’s flame broiled. Oh! But this isn’t how they do it. Well no, but they have a thing. Can you imagine? Oh it’s so hot. Just running. Just a river of sweat going into the pee puddle. Oh boy. Yeah. All right. Let’s try and God. This wine is so heavy. Ow, Jesus Christ. Oh no! No! Ah, watch. Ah, my eyes are burning. You just gotta loosen it. You gotta loosen it? Yeah, well some of it got under it. I wanna help, but I… God, ow. I have to hold this wine. Charcoal’s so hot. Sorry. I can’t help. Ow. No. If you close the thing it’ll just make it hot on the top. Jesus Christ. That’s how salmon works. Pour some wine. Oh, here’s a thing. Pour some wine on it. Pour some wine on it? Well, maybe not yet. No, that’s fire. Alcohol and fire. Ah God. Ow. Why are you naked for this? Ah God! That didn’t work at all. It’s fine. They’ll fix it in post. Emily, now what we’re gonna do. Can I pour the wine on it now? We’ve got some Argentinian rosemary branches. Oh! Pretty. God dammit. I mean poop. Ah, Emily pour some wine on the branches, and then we’re gonna smack it with the meat. What? Nicole tells me to do this. Yeah, it’s like a Molotov cocktail they sell at Williams-Sonoma. Yeah, just splash it at the meat. Okay. Oh that smells amazing. Oh yeah. Here, give me that. No I wanna do it. Ah, pour it! Let me do it! Pour it on the meat. You gotta baste it. I’ve been holding it this whole time. Yeah, that’s good. Whoa! You want some meat? I guess. Ow. It is so sad that we can’t swear on this show. Yeah. That’d be pretty cool if we could. And I can hold this. Take the meat. But not drink it. It’s hot! It to me is not hot. Well don’t put your mouth on it. I’m blowing on it. Ow, my eyes. Hang on. I didn’t get it. I didn’t get it. I need to scratch my eyes. God dang it. Stop moving it. Oh wow! It’s good right? It’s really good. Ah God. All right. I’m gonna do it with my eyes closed. All right, hey. Look at this bird. The bird is looking so fantastic. Emily, you ready to… Now we got a couple other… I know you’re blind, but you’re holding hot utensils. Yeah I’m gonna wave them. Nope. Nope. I’m gonna wave them. And so, we gotta go back. And now we get to make a couple more surprises for ya. All right. This is another classic shirtless banger. It was 110 degrees out on the blacktop in Burbank. So, I took my shirt off just to avoid heat stroke. And then director Ben comes up with a water bottle, and he’s trying to cool me down, ya know, like spraying down a dolphin at Sea World. And then, it made me look like I had urinated in my jhorts. And then, the Argentinian charcoal that we bought, burned way hotter than any of us could have possibly expected. So, it’s already 110 degrees. I looked like I pissed my jhorts. And I’m standing over a nine million degree grill, and I’m just absolutely losing it. Also, in the transition lenses didn’t help. So I think I entered into this state of delirium. Having Emily there as the catalyst didn’t help. And to me, this is like the perfect storm, of what makes Mythical Kitchen chaos. And again, we were trying to cook a good burger. We didn’t try and make any of this chaos happen. We were just trying to make a hamburger. And this is how it ended up. Frigging’ on my nippins indeed. Number four. Davin, five minutes left, we pull the ballantine from the freezer. Keep an eye on that clock. Okay. Let’s pull this. See where this is at. Try pea crepe. It’s a little hot. Oh! Oh! You are not kidding on that. That’s pretty good. Your fingers are just like broken. Is that what it is? Like you can’t feel heat anymore. Dead. Dead, yeah. Dead to the world. Audible. Omaha. I don’t trust the crepes right now. We’re going pea waffle. There’s this white powder. I don’t know if it’s baking powder or not. Davin, blend this. Blend this. Blend it. Okay. Blend it. Blend it. Josh. Oh my God! What happened?! Oh my God. Oh I might just broke the blender. Yeah yeah, that happens. All right. We got a little chicken thing. I’m gonna hit it in a pan. Davin. Butter. Give me some butter. Yeah, it’s good. It’s got some jalapenos. Throw the butter in there. Throw the butter in there. Throw the butter in there. Yeah. Yeah. Just wipe it. There we go. Yeah. There we go. We got a lot of butter in there. Now we’re just gonna sear up our chicken. We got seven minutes. See, we’re golden. We’re golden. How’s this batter looking? How’s the batter looking? That’s perfect. That’s perfect. That’s perfect right there. Throw that in the waffle maker. Lube up the waffle maker. We got a waffle maker? Yeah dude. We got a waffle maker. We got waffle makers at home, right? Where’s the pam? Just… Waffle maker. Do it. I got it. All right, we got our chicken going. Davin, how’s that chicken looking? I’m gonna chop more jalapeno. Josh, Chicken’s going. I think you need more spice in your life. There. There you go. The bottom’s burnt. That’s okay. We waited to season this until the last moment. Okay. Okay. We got salt on it. Davin, we gotta give them a little Italian seasoning. Come on. Good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Good stuff. Yeah. Oh God. Switch it out. We got this glaze right here. And we’re gonna take the chicken, that’s gonna go directly in the glaze. Is this cooking? Pea waffles! That looks pretty. We got pea waffles. Wait. We got the chicken. That’s gonna burn if you put it. Burrito. No dude. It’s fine. Davin, don’t judge it. That’s perfect. Why aren’t these jalapenos spicy? Not to sell any of our professionalism short in the Mythical Kitchen, but the chaos in this just came from a straight up lack of planning. Here’s the thing, we’ve all watched Chopped. They just put 30 minutes on the clock and say, “Go. Cook something.” So we were like, “Why can’t we do that?” And then that’s what we did. And then I immediately panicked and just started screaming at Davin, ’cause you don’t understand how much planning and preparation should take place. So, everything was going wrong. And then, Davin doesn’t follow sports, and also he’s relatively new to America. So, I start shouting football audibles at him, and he had no idea what that meant. Really the fact that we were able to put edible food on the plate. Wait. No, we actually didn’t. Yeah, I had to microwave the chicken. I don’t even know if we showed that. The chicken was undercooked and so I microwaved it until it was at a food safe temperature. But, truly an abomination of a dish in an episode, and also one of the most fun. Number three. Nicole, it is time. It’s time for you to become the cream woman. Yes. You guys have to move out of the way, okay. I don’t know how I’m gonna run. Do I run like this? Do I run like this? No, you run like this. You’ve seen me run. You gotta do the Josh run. You gotta waddle. I have to waddle. You gotta waddle. I’m the cream lady. Yeah Nicole! I’m the cream lady. I’m the cream lady. I’m the cream lady. I’m coming back. I’m the cream lady. Stop pouring. That’s a lot of cream. Shut up. Stop the cream. Guys, I’ve got something special. I don’t know if I like special things coming out of there. A little cilantro for freshness. Y’all seen Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, right? You know the scene at Helm’s Deep where there’s the ork with the torch that’s trying to light the bombs, and he’s like sprinting down there, and people are shooting him with the arrows, and he kind of dives. That’s how I imagine Nicole with this giant sack of cream. So I stabbed it. You know, trying to get her to run down and dive screaming, “I’m the cream lady” while swinging the cream-filled sack. There’s no non chaotic way to make a 10 foot burrito. Correct me if I’m wrong. So to me, I don’t even think this was especially chaotic, ’cause this is just about as calm as it could’ve been. “I’m the cream lady. I’m the cream lady.” And the thing about the Josh waddle, is it gets you to set a wider base, and then you get to set your core so you have more stability. So I stand by everything that happened here. Also, that burrito was really good. If we had just made a single nine inch burrito, still a very large burrito, that would’ve been one of the better burrito’s I’d ever eaten. Still great as a 10 footer, but the food in there, really primo. Number two. Blend that up. And then we’re gonna make a sofrito. Make sure to take these out. Nah, leave it in for seasoning. Don’t die kids. I’m sorry. We gotta… You should obviously buy food that has this in it too. No. I don’t know what this is. Silica gel. Silica gel. Keeps it fresh. Yeah. You’re like a farmer. You cook nice natural food. I don’t. Oh, another one! Yeah, there’s two. That’s the kinda thing you put on your fridge. I’m gonna make the ricotta cheese. You make the ricotta cheese. I’ll make the ricotta cheese, but we’ve gotta go vegan ricotta because I’m using almonds. ‘Cause it’s healthy. You know, it’s a high low situation here. Yeah. Yeah. It’s really like garbage meets Giada. Giada? Giada and Rachael Ray were wrestling in a dumpster. Wow! Out back in 7-11. So, you’re just gonna take the beef jerky’s and then add the pico de gallo. Yeah, we make it like the sofrito. Right? That’s what a sofrito is. A beef sofrito. It’s a beef sofrito. It’s a beef sofrito. And then we’re gonna cook that down. ‘Cause here’s the thing. And you just. Matty. Matty. Crank it! 7-11 don’t got a lot of. It blends up easily. It was to be like a slurry. You know, just kinda jimmy it. You’re not jimmying it. We don’t got the good restaurant stuff. It’s not really doing much. Yeah it is. Just keep it going. Stop complaining and just keep it going. You wanna emulsify the onions, Thank you. the tomatoes, the salty meat. Yeah, ’cause that way you’re gonna get a sludge. Maybe a couple pulses. And a bolognese is just a meat sludge. We can’t overthink it. We’re getting there. Matty, is this the wettest pepper jack you’ve ever seen? That’s as wet as it gets Josh. This is the wettest pepper jack. Only the finest for Matty Matheson, ’cause he’s in the Mythical Kitchen. Mythical Matty. People have been saying they’re like, “You and Matty should collab.” They’ve been saying that in the comments. You don’t read comments. There’s only one reason I’m here. Click bait. Matty Matheson is an enigma wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a double cheeseburger. And that’s why I love him. What people didn’t see from this episode. They saw the chaos. They saw us screaming. He is just an incredibly empathetic, very thoughtful, very zen man. And we have had conversations before this. We actually pod casted for almost a full two hours before this, talking about the weird dichotomy between the avatar that you put out into digital content, verses the self. How much is the representation of you on screen actually indicative of the soul that lives inside of your body. And then the thing that actually comes out on screen is us just screaming and blending beef jerky to make a lasagna, that was kinda better than it had any right to be. But to me, this is a beautiful meta narrative, between two consummate professionals, who just can’t help the fact that when they get all worked up, your voice just kinda gets like this. This is one of the absolute highlights of both my professional career and my personal life. Matty Matheson, shout out to you man. You’re a pro. Number one. Well it looks like the cups are sinking into the cake. Yep. We can cover it up with a rose. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. Lets just put frosting. We’re gonna put frosting over the cardboard. Can we take the cups out? No? I think if we just put some frosting on the cups. What? Just put some frosting on the cups. It’s gonna look like cake. Well, where’s my thingy? This is good. It’s holding. Literally, yeah. The cups are sinking into the cake. This is so ugly. No. No. No. I think that’s beautiful. Just a little bit. Ladder! Do you need a step stool? Oh God. Yeah. Yeah. Chris, put it there. Put it there. Put it there. Put it there. Put it there. Put it there. You asked for it and then they brought it to you. Start doing the Dunkaroo’s. Emily, I need more of these. Two more. I need you to dunk them in frosting like Dunkaroo’s. Oh God. We’re suppose to cut into this and eat it. Any pressure on this is gonna cause it to collapse. Josh, you gotta move fast. I’m going. And smart. How many…Is this the last layer? Oh my God, there’s two more. This has kind of shifted to the back. We’re okay. If you see the cake from where I’m looking at it, here’s what it is. No, no from my angle it looks perfect. Anyone else sweating? And so on Elvis and Priscilla’s wedding cake, the pastries have it expertly written, “Priscilla-Elvis.” Let’s see how Trevor spelled Priscilla. Oh God! What are those pagan runes? Oh my God, what is going on? It’s puncturing the cakes. Come on, just get it up there boy. Oh my God Elvis, this is your six-tier yellow spongecake full of Bavarian cream with kirsch, a little bit of apricot marmalade. May I please karate your cake? Yes, you can karate my cake. Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Run. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, hang on. Gotta move it. Gotta move it. Karate it, Elvis. There’s so many knives back here. Elvis karate the cake. Why are knives here?! Okay, ready? Karate it! All right. Ready, it’s gonna be at you. Hang on. I’ll catch it. Rock and roll! One more layer. Hang on, hang on, hang on. I’m gonna do a sweep kick. Hiya! There’s glass on there! Are we making entertainment for the people yet? I’m going to sleep. Oh, I broke glass. Yeah yeah, it shattered. I broke glass. Yeah, it shattered. The thing that really makes this unequivocally the number one most chaotic moment in Mythical Kitchen history is the fact that we went into this completely earnestly. We were trying to make a really awesome giant cake and then we realized very quickly what the actual limitations were. This is what an actual professional bakery does. We have Trevor, who’s a professional baker but we’re just working out of a normal kitchen. And so the day before the episode, we realized hey, we can’t do this. We have one awesome giant cake that we’ve decorated. We need six of them, we’re just gonna go in tomorrow and figure it out. This is a case of people just punting the ball back and forth to each other and being like, “We’ll figure it out, we’ll get it on camera. Either way it’s gonna be great.” And then fast forward, one thing leads to another and you get Emily dressed as Elvis, standing on a 4-foot ledge yelling, “Rock and roll” and just snapped front kicking a giant cake covered over. We were stacking shot glasses underneath this to try and stop it from sagging. ‘Cause we ordered a cake stand on Amazon that said that it would hold this many pounds and it didn’t. So this was literally all of the worst possible case scenarios in our honest attempts at making a cake ending up in Emily just absolutely ju-jitsuing the hell out of some pastry. And to me the image of her going, “Rock and Roll!” is stuck burned into my memory and I hope it never leaves. I hope it never leaves your memory either because my God, Emily what an icon. Welp, there you go. You got the ten most chaotic moments in Mythical Kitchen history. We could have made a list of 900 chaotic moments of Mythical Kitchen history. There will be 900 chaotic moments in Mythical Kitchen history soon to come. Thank you so much for stopping by. We got new episodes coming out starting this Thursday and every week in perpetuity ’til the day that we die, 2034. We got new episodes of our podcast every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts. Hit us up on Instagram and TikTok @MythicalKitchen with pictures of your Mythical dishes at #dreamsbecomefood. We’ll see y’all next time. 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