And it was only women and me, and just sexy Australians yelling at us. It was a strange, it was a weird vibe, man. Turns out that is my kink. All right, so we’re gonna go ahead. Welcome to Mythical Kitchen, where dreams get swole. I almost popped a nipple. I don’t know how that happens. There’s little blood vessels in the nipples. There are many motivations to work out. For some it’s running a marathon, for others it’s doing a really sick DDR routine at the local bowling alley arcade, and for me, it is the looming threat that at any given moment, in any given parking lot in Burbank, Gordon Ramsey might show up and I gotta wrestle him. And so I’m gonna show you the meals that I use to keep myself in tip top shape, just in case the British bulldog himself shows up at, what’s that, what is it, Moonlight Roller Rink? Is that in Burbank? Or the Pickwick Bowl? Just in case Gordon Ramsey shows up to the Pickwick Bowl, and I gotta wrestle him. We got the three recipes over there. We got the full written recipes down in the description. Let’s get cooking. Do you see Gordon? Where is he? Where is he? I’m coming at him like a spider monkey. You gotta grab the face, and then you just, you just kiss him. He’s never gonna expect me to just kiss him right on the lips. All right, first up, we got protein waffles, AKA braffles, AKA sick braffles. Cause’ there’s protein powder and that’s a, a bro. The pun needs work, but the recipe doesn’t cause’ this is a really fun thing that I love to make on weekends. You get in 75 grams of protein thanks to Muscle Milk. Not a sponsor, but if you wanna send me free Muscle Milk, I will dry scoop it. Hold on. I gotta do it guys, I gotta do it. I gotta do it for the bros. I gotta do it for the bros. I gotta do it for the, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s just. Hm-nn. Hm-nn. I don’t, I haven’t done that since college. It’s not good. Uh oh, oh no. The origins episode, what had happened, we were up for two Webby awards. I was trying to campaign for people to vote for us. And I was trying to game the Instagram algorithm by just putting thirst traps out there, cause that’s how you get more visibility, and somebody commented, “What’s your diet plan?” And then I told them, well, I wing everything, except I also eat 200 grams of protein every single day. And somebody said, “How the hell do you eat 200 grams of protein in a day?” And so I’m gonna show you how to do that, because it’s stuff like this, and it’s really delicious. So what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna heat a pan right here, frozen blueberries. This is a thing that I just keep on hand all the time. Cause I believe very strongly in eating fruits and vegetables. That’s like a good thing to do, right? I don’t know. Is that what the science says these days? So we’re adding blueberries and just to touch of honey to kinda sweeten it up in that pot, it’s gonna make a lovely little blueberry compote syrup. And then we’re gonna go ahead and take some oats. Instead of making like oatmeal, all these people who are really into like health and fitness, you know, they’ll make like boring oatmeal and they’ll try and jazz it up, but you can take oats and blend it up and just use it like flour. So that’s exactly what we’re doing here. We’re going oats. I’m gonna crack a couple eggs in there. I tried counting my macros, macro nutrients. This is just like an intro to bro-hood for people. I tried counting my macro nutrients, which are protein, carbs and fat. And then decided that that is an incredibly depressing way for anybody to live. Oh yeah. Wait, you’re gonna wanna take the paper off the Greek yogurt and, Yep. There it is. This is another thing I always keep on hand because it’s like 23 grams of protein per cup, which is awesome. So if you’re adding like a half cup to this right here, you’re just getting an extra 10 grams of protein that like, you didn’t know you, you had. We got cinnamon, cause that tastes like good. We got baking powder. We got, is one of those corn starch? Which one do you think it was? There’s two powdery ones. No, no no. We’ll figure it out. Baking powder and baking soda go in there. They’re gonna be a leavening agent. This is either corn starch or baking powder. Ah, baking powder. Okay. So there going, ah, ah. We’re gonna go one and a half scoops, very expert measuring here of uh, whey protein. Uh, this is a big thing. I don’t know, uh. Some people, Vi, says that it what’s a, it creates a, a Naval blockade in the downstairs. No, that was way grosser than just saying it makes you not poop. Um, anyways. And we’re gonna blend er’ up. There we go. That’s like a nice, gonna blend this on high. That’s gonna really break up the oats in there. You’re getting your fiber, you’re getting your protein, and then you got to eat a nice big plate of waffles. We’re gonna let the oats kind of soak up that liquid for a sec. You might be asking, Josh, is adding whey protein powder to oats and stuff really gonna make the best waffle you’ve ever had? Absolutely not. You know who’s also probably not gonna make the best waffle you’ve ever had? You. Like you, you know like how, you know, you gotta be realistic about your skills sometimes, you know? Like 89 to 99% of waffles you ever eat, they’re not gonna be the best waffle you’ve ever had in your life. You know? And it’s fine. You put it in a waffle maker, it’s delicious. Spray that down. Now we’re just gonna dumpy, dumpy. Yeah yeah yeah. Always over fill your waffle maker, and then close er’ up. And now we’re just gonna let that cook. All right, we’ve got one waffle done. That’s like 38 grams of protein. We got another waffle. Don’t use your hands to do this, probably use like a thing. Then, woo. Look at that. It’s nice, crispy and delicious. We get you coming home from like a yoga class, or like there’s this really weird thing in LA called Training Mate, where it’s just sexy Australians yelling at you while you do burpees and stuff. Does anyone know what the hell I’m talking about? Yes, this is exclusively an Australian. It’s a sexy Australian based fitness program, and it’s really strange. And I went once and it was, it was only women and me, and just sexy Australians yelling at us. It was, it was a weird vibe man. Turns out that is my kink. All right, so we’re gonna go ahead and we’re just gonna add, we’re just gonna add all those little delicious blueberry compote on top. Wow. Come on. Where are you gonna get that? And then there you go, little, little peanut butter drizzle, kinda giving you a peanut butter and jelly vibes. Little drizzle on top. There you go. 75, 76 grams of protein in that stack waffles. Let’s eat and let the swollenating begin. Should I eat this how I’d actually eat it at home? -Yes. Yeah, probably should. So what I’d do is I’d chuck half of that off, and I’d fold up like a taco and eat it over the trash can. So cheers. Yeah, this is really good. It’s satisfying, the waffles, a little squishy and a little dense. And for 75 grams of protein, come on. What a perfect meal. Burrito based dietary action plan brought to you by Josh! For real though, I, I do believe that you can eat the world’s healthiest diet by only eating burritos, because the contents of those burritos changed so much. So for instance, right now we’re going boneless, skinless chicken thigh, which if there was one meat that I had to choose for my entire life, like if some malevolent genie was like, I’ll kill you unless you only eat one meat, which is a situation that I do see happening in my life, boneless skinless chicken thigh, it’s so good. It’s very cheap. You can buy bone in, skin on. You know how like, you still get mail sometimes, which feels weird? You guys feel that? Like, you get stuff in the mailbox. You’re like, who the hell is sending me stuff? Take the grocery advertisements, they’re the only ones I keep, cause’ they’ll tell you who’s got the sales on meat. When you’re eating so much meat, it just, you know, it helps to find the sales. And so some grocery store out there is gonna have boneless skinless thigh sale for 2.99 a pound, and then you’re gonna go to that grocery store. It’s fun to teach people, you know, sometimes you’re like dressing in octopus like Squidward, you know, more about the bit than teaching people, and I think fun little life hacks are great. Another great things, spice blends. I know we talk about Tony Chachere’s all the time, it’s become a fun little joke, but find like one spice blend that you really like, and just use it on everything. That’s that’s kinda what I do at home. If I’m cooking something fancy, if I like really wanna make something absolutely delicious, I’ll like really plan it and buy it and mix the spices myself. I’ll toast them and I’ll do a little grinding, but like if you’re cooking a nice weeknight dinner, dude, spice blends are great. Tony Chachere’s just has all the flavors that I want. I’m gonna add a little bit of oil. We’re gonna get our chicken cooking. I’m gonna go wash. I’m gonna go wash myself. Do the graphic. The chicken’s just about done, the way you can tell that is one, it’s golden brown and looks delicious. Two, the fumes from the Tony Chachere’s are absolutely assaulting your bronchial tubes, and that’s what you want. That’s how you get more airflow in your muscles. That’s just bro science right there. All right, so the chicken is nice and done cooking. I’m gonna take some Stubb’s Barbecue sauce. This is probably my favorite barbecue sauce to have at home. I know what you’re saying. Josh, you have forsaken the name of Sweet Baby Ray’s, and I have. Stubb’s, one, it’s got less sugar if that’s something you’re worried about, that’s not the reason I like it. I like it cause’ it’s very savory and tangy, and has a lot of nice spice to it. So I’m just gonna add that in there. I’m gonna let some of that like caramelize into the chicken, and then I’m gonna kind of like stir fry that until all the sauce is gone and dry. There we go. We’re gonna let that cook. And now we’re gonna make a simple little slaw. I really, I run through like two heads of cabbage a week cause’ I really enjoy cabbage. And it does, it does do things to your gastrointestinal system that some people don’t like, I find it very fun. I think parts are very endearing, just like Roald Dahl did in the book BFG. Sorry, ADHD hits hard sometimes. We’re gonna add some onions, some carrots and some cabbage. Roald Dahl’s niece, Chloe had a really great lobster roll restaurant in LA, but it closed down. That’s looking great. We got our slaw stuff. Good old friend, Greek yogurt’s back. This is a great way, if you’re making a mayonnaise based sauce, cut it with some Greek yogurt, and then you’re adding protein, you’re dropping a little bit of fat, and also Greek yogurt’s tangy and delicious. I’m gonna add a little bit of mayonnaise to that. Tiny bit of vinegar. Just taking the yogurt spoon with the vinegar. And then we’re gonna add a little bit of mustard. This is creole, dude get yourself some Zatarain’s Creole Mustard. And then we’re just gonna drop some of that in there. We’re just gonna mash this up together. Get us a nice little slaw. Griddle up, up, up. Can I sing Let’s get Physical? Are we gonna get sued by, who’s that, Paula Abdul? That’s Olivia Newton-John, isn’t it, huh? What if I sing Let’s get Physical, and do some like air thrusts, but to the tune of Jon Lajoie’s Show me Your Genitals? Let’s get physical, physical. Let’s get physical, physical. Do you think we’ll get sued by either of them? All right, so we’re gonna take our tortilla right there, and then we’re gonna take all this. This is about 70 grams protein coming from that chicken. Dude, that’s so much chicken for one burrito. Damn. All right, cool. Whatever. We’re gonna take our slaw and pop it on there. This is a dead ass ringer for KFC’s slaw, which is some of the best slaw in the game. So the slaw is acting like a condiment. Also, there was one person on Shark Tank who tried to make a slaw based condiment called Slawsa, and they were like, I took out a second mortgage on my house and my future’s ruined unless Slawsa takes off, and Mark Cuban was just like, geez. She was like, Mark, you can put Slawsa in the Maverick’s games. And he was like, I don’t, it’s your burden. All right, cool. Anyways, the point is I like Slawsa. And now we’re just gonna roll er’ up. Hold on. That’s gonna work. There it is. There’s, you act like I don’t do this every day at home. Take the fold down. Okay. We’re getting some cracks. That’s fine. That’s fine. But then the reason it’s fine, is cause’ you get some cracks and then you wrap it up in foil. And then you eat it over your sink. Come on, sink eating. It’s good for you. You may have some questions. You might say, Josh, wasn’t there a study that came out in the nineties that said that optimal protein to muscle synthesis can only happen 40 grams at a time? Yeah man, I don’t know. Listen, science seems hard. There you go. All right. And now, ow. It’s molten, molten hot sauce. And then we’re gonna wrap that up, and we’re gonna let it steam together. Let the flavors kind of marry and get to know each other. And then you just got like a big old brick. Boom, you got seven grams of protein from the tortilla right there. You got probably three coming in from that Greek yogurt. Big ass burrito, to the tune of Jason Derulo. It’s actually what I sing to myself when I make this at home. Last drop of Arizona Gun Slinger. Yeah. Yo, Trevor, reorder. Lily, reorder Arizona gun Slinger. Sound the alarm, someone’s going to flavor town. This is great, you got all the flavors you could ever want in there. That’s another thing I just strongly believe in if you couldn’t tell, is eating really flavorful food all the time, cause’ it raises your humors. I have the opposite idea that guy who started cornflakes did who wanted you to stop. I eat flavorful food all the time. Not because it influences, flavorful food has nothing to do with, at all to be clear. I just like flavors a lot, and this burrito’s good. All right. Let’s make dinner. Let me take you down to the beautiful swole land of Peru. I don’t know what the hell that was supposed to be, but we’re making Lomo Saltado, which is like one of my favorite dishes, especially to make on weeknights because it’s super simple, it’s super flavorful, and it’s got a bunch of fresh vegetables in it, and like you can use whatever meat you want, and it’s absolutely delicious and also has a really cool history. Do you guys want a Josh mansplains food history to people? Yeah. We love it. When you do that. So, like so much. We’re gonna salt up some potatoes and get ’em roasting. Typically this dish has fries in them, but you know, it’s healthy and also it’s easier, like deep frying at home kind of sucks. And so don’t do it. Lomo Saltado, typically I’d use a wok. We ain’t got no wok, so we’re just using a big old hot pan right there. Uh, and it’s typically made in a wok because, Peru big central trading route. That’s a nice little fun history. And then Chifa cuisine is a combination of Chinese and Peruvian cuisine that is big there. So there’s a lot of like wok fried stuff in Peru, like Arroz Chaufa is really cool dish. Peruvian fried rice. You got Nikkei cuisine. Tiradito comes from Japanese sashimi, really fascinating. Even ceviche, it’s influenced by like an 11th century Arabic dish called Seekh bash. History of Peru, shout out to all the Peruvians out there. I’m rooting for y’all in the World Cup. All right, we’re gonna roast up these potatoes real quick and then we’re gonna get stuff sauteing. Typically, Lomo Saltado, Lomo is the Spanish word for tenderloin of a beef. The beef pan tenderloin is really expensive, and also, I kind of don’t eat that much red meat at home. But when I do, it’s typically pork. And so we’re using a pork tend one right here, which is actually super, super lean. And if you cook it to the right temp, it’s really nice and juicy. So you’re getting another like, 90 to 95 grams of protein per pound here. We’re using 10 ounces right here. We’re gonna drop another 65 to 70 grams protein, the bucket, boom, getting all our way up to 200. God I’m already full, man. I ate a lot of that waffle and burrito. And we’re gonna sear this off. And then we are going to pull it, make sure your pork is nice and evenly spaced out when you’re searing. Cause you don’t wanna get any steam collecting. We’re gonna get this pork nice and seared. And then we’re gonna pull that out, and then we’re gonna add the vegetables in there that are gonna cook inside. Some of that like pork what’s called a, a fond or a, as they say in Spain, socarrats, which means like soul of the dish, which I think is cool as the hell. You’re gonna sear that up, man, it’s got hot. Our stove is either a rip roar or lukewarm. All right. Pork is nice and seared. Great, great, great. Got some good flavor development going on there. Swiggity swooty, look at that booty. And now let that pan heat up, and we’re gonna drop in some onions and some tomatoes. We’re gonna let those go for just a second. We’re gonna salt them, always salt your things while they’re sauteing in the pan, cause’ the salt’s gonna like, help dry out some that moisture, and just help the cooking process even more. And then we’re gonna drop in the tomatoes. All right, cool. Onions have been sauteing, we’re gonna take these here tomatoes, and we’re gonna drop em’ in. I don’t think I need all of them, you can have some nice little snacky tomatoes. That’s between you and your God. Look at those nice little oven roasted French fries. Hey, speaking of potatoes, go check out me and Nicole’s podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. We just had special guest Mica Burton, Mica Burton. She voted for us in the Webby’s. On to discuss what the best way to cook a potato is, and her answer will shock you. It actually was, it was pretty shocking to me. I didn’t think any, cause’ it was also my answer. Then her least favorite potato was also my answer. We have so much in common and oh my God, who knew? Then she was like, I like horses. And I was like, I hate horses cause’ one bit me in the sixth grade. And then we’re gonna saute the tomatoes with the pork. We’re gonna finish cooking the pork. Beautiful, beautiful. That’s all getting to know each other. Now we’re gonna take the frenchy fries, and we’re gonna drop those in there. And again, this is like, you know, as far as carbs go, everyone’s so afraid of carbs. And I know, I understand it’s all really difficult, but like I think the carb phobia has like led us to a weird sense of carb fetishization. If you’re like, oh my God, bread is my life. And it’s like, well you only think, bread is life. Like, civilization was absolutely built on bread, and so I don’t believe in carb phobia. I do believe in moderation and everything, which is why like, that burrito you just saw me make, 50 grams of carbs in the tortilla. Everything else in there is fresh meat and vegetables. This, you’re just getting some nice, healthy roasted potatoes in there. One of the main flavors that’s going in is soy sauce. Uh, soy sauce, great thing just to add to foods. Not only limited to East Asian cookery. We’re gonna add in some of that, it’s gonna add to some of that beautiful depth, and then it’s gonna get all the juices flowing outta the tomatoes. And then the potatoes are gonna soak it up. And then we’re gonna take a little bit of fresh cilantro. You can even get some stem in there. I like cilantro stems. It taste like cilantro. Yeah, we’re gonna get this one quick little toss. Beautiful. Beautiful. I think that pork’s cooked. Let’s check. Nope not yet. And to our Lomo saltado, es beunito. And just dump all that on a plate. This is weird cause’ this is the first time I’ve like made like actual portions that I would like eat at home on the show. And now I’m realizing how much food I eat. It’s fun, man. I enjoy it. And just garnish it like that. And boom, there, we have it. There we go. Lomo saltado, now I just wanna essence it with cilantro. You wanna kind of just take that and dabble it on. Now it’s gonna smell like cilantro. Here you go man. 70 grams of pork protein on there. Some delicious roasted potatoes. Hey look at that, we got a big ass plate of food. I’m gonna take some lemon, squeeze it over the top. Pork loves lemon, and shockingly, this is the most shocking part today’s episode. This is a dish I would eat with a fork, as opposed to my hands. He’s learning table manners. They successfully My Fair Lady’d me. Let’s jump in. I mean, I’ve never seen it. It was playing in LA recently, and I was like, should I go? Eh, no. All right, I’m gonna get bites of all of it. Pork, it’s fresh. It’s flavorful. You got all the macros. You got your pork macros. You got your potato macros. Little bit of cilantro macros in there. This is really good. Shout out to the entire continent of South America down there. I hope you’ll learn something in my insane incoherent ramblings throughout this episode. Can’t stress this enough, figure out your own nutrition goals, eat delicious things that fit into your lifestyle. Exercise as casually as you want, find something you enjoy. Get moving, get out there. Was that the Michelle Obama campaign? The Get Moving campaign? Michelle Obama, come on the show, I’ll make your last meal. I don’t have the $900,000 to give you that you would typically get from like giving speeches to giant bank executives, but we’ll give you some Lomo saltado. Don’t dry scoop your supplements. I realize that there are people that take things I do, don’t do that. That’s like actually bad. Anyways, thank you so much for stopping by the Mythical Kitchen. We’ve got new episodes for you every week. We’ve got an episodes of our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, wherever you get your podcasts every Wednesday. Hit us up on Instagram @MythicalKitchen, with pictures of your mythical dishes under #DreamsBecomeFood. Just like Chris did from Long Island, he made the buffalo turkey meatballs from last time. We did a kind of like, you know, casual, practical meal preppy type of episode. Chris, they looked delicious. I hope they enriched your life somehow, cause’ I know y’all enrich mine. The collective y’all, all of you do. I love you. Sorry. I’m like, I got like protein euphoria right now, man. I’m all just jacked up on it. Man, this is great. Yeah, I’m back to eating with my hands, huh? You’re too hot to handle, and so is your bake ware. Get a Mythical Kitchen oven mitt, available now at Mythical.com