I know what you’re saying, “Josh, you got a little five reservoir condom on top of that Pam non-stick spray. Why don’t you use that?” Well, I’m not gonna. Hey, welcome to Mythical Kitchen, where dreams become food. You know, variety really is the spice of life. Some day I’m deconstructing the secret formula behind Doritos and some days you just get an email from one of Ethan Klein’s producers saying, “Hey, can you make us a kebab pizza?” And you go, yeah! So we have here Mythical Chef Josh. Now, this looks incredible. Love. Does this look right to you? ‘Cause that looks bomb. Yes, that looks very, very accurate. But then you go on the podcast and then you didn’t really know you’ gonna sit there for like 45 minutes but you did. You talked a bunch of crap about Gordon Ramsay. Now you’re never gonna get a show with Gordon Ramsey and his new production company. But point is we made this really delicious kebab pizza that’s from Sweden, from Jonkoping specifically, and a bunch of y’all were like, “Hey, can you teach me how to make it?” And I’m like, “Hey, I’m here now, ain’t I?” Broke the recipe down at three simple steps. You can snag the time codes right there. We also got a full written recipe down in the description. That’s how Swedes dance with their like house techno music. I can keep going all day, Ben. You want me to keep doing it? Do we get the shot? Do we get a couple closeups? You might be asking yourself, kebab pizza. That certainly doesn’t sound Swedish. Well, it is. Deal with it. Some people think it came from all the doner kebab from Turkish immigrants in Sweden. But for my money, the only place I know that serves this in Los Angeles is called Viking Pizza & Kabob. Shout out to that dude up in Atwater Village. Makes a great product and he is actually Iranian-Swedish. So to all my Persian homies out there. Did I get that right, Nicole? That’s not good. She’s laughing at me. Ah, well, we’ll figure it out. So we’re gonna start making that dough right here. The things that make Swedish pizza, Swedish pizza, it is an ultra, ultra thin crust. Like think Domino’s thin crust pizza, where it’s like very kind of cracker matza like, but not like St. Louis style pizza, which I do refuse to acknowledge as pizza, except please, people from St. Louis, stop giving us one star reviews on the podcast. It is killing our rating. But I’m also not gonna apologize, so round and round we go in the circle. I’m gonna add a little bit of salt to this flour. We got equal parts double zero flour and AP flour right here. Double zero flour is like the most prized flour to use in a Italian pizza cookery. That’s the finest of the grind. We’re gonna whisk that up. And then we’re gonna get some yeast. Going into some warm water to bloom. Leopold Bloom, from “The Producers.” Original Mel Gibson directorial debut, 1968. Thank you very much. What? I said Mel Gibson? Oh God! Yeast is bloomed. Sorry. That worked out. So we’re gonna add our water. What? Dude like, listen, the whisk is a dual handled tool. You can use both. We’re just gonna knead this by hand. You could throw it in a stand mixer but we are just gonna let this come together and knead it not too, too much. We don’t wanna get like a ton of gluten development on it necessarily. I have a weird phobia of like, not making things from scratch at home. Anyone else feel that? Like I feel weird buying like pre-made sauces. I’m like, well, I could make this myself and then like eight hours later after making it, I’m just like why? Herdez can just make a better salsa verde than I can. Why didn’t I do that? So I’m just gonna add a little flour to the board. Get the dough kneading and working out. The way you wanna do it, you do a little quarter turn, smash the heel of your palm into it. The dough might start out feeling a little bit dry, but then as you knead it, the dough is gonna continue to hydrate. That’s why I got a little bit of extra flour right there. I’m just gonna roll this out in kind of a nice, fine circle and start making our super janky kebab meat, because we have yet to invest in a proper doner machine. Wait? We did. You sold it for Diet Coke. Nicole, what are your top favorite three things about Sweden? Aebleskiver. That’s Danish. Blonde people. That’s, I think Armenians will say they invented blonde people. The language. That’s the thing that Armenians have said to me. What? The language. Ah, Swedish. Hey, do you love podcasts? Boy, I sure hope you do. ‘Cause I’m about to sell you on one. Go check out the latest episode of Trevor Talks Too Much, featuring special celebrity guest, it’s me, it’s me. Trevor and I are on there and we’re talking about stuff. We’re getting intimate. Not like that. I meant like emotionally. ‘Cause we play it kind of like “Newlywed Game,” but not. We’re read, don’t, I’ve read the fan fic and I’m upset that I have. But anyways, go check out the latest episode of Trevor Talks Too Much, featuring me. It was a really great time. It’s a really great podcast. Trevor, I’m very proud of you. It’s a good podcast. Thank you. Now we are making kebab meat, but kebab means a lot of different things in a lot of different cultures. Like where I come from, if I hear kebab, to me, that means meat on sticks and I’m also probably pronouncing it kabob, because all the places around me are Persian and that is the pronunciation. Correct, Nicole? Mm. But in a lot of European countries, you say kebab, you kind of just mean Middle Eastern food in general. You could go get kebab and you are getting a bowl of rice, what we would call halal cart food, which is a New York thing. Anyways, point is we’re making the kebab meat right now that will not be cooked on a stick. We’re actually making it out of pork because traditionally it would be like a beef and lamb that’s shaved off like a doner or gyro. This is the fun thing I learned from a Greek friend of mine, that a lot of places are using pork now just because it’s a lot cheaper. And so like, if you can do that and if you’re not serving a primarily halal audience, then it’s like yo, pork meat, gonna taste good when you do it. So we’re adding a bunch of dried basil right there and then we’re gonna add some paprika. We’re adding a whole lot of black pepper. What we’re doing right now is basically making like a very dense, almost like a kind of pork sausage, if you will. We’re gonna mash and we’re gonna cook it off and then we’re gonna shave it really thin as if you would do that off of say like a vertical spit. We’re adding some cumin and then some thyme and oregano. Now we’re gonna take our delicious, full fat yogurt. This is gonna keep it nice and moist. We’re gonna add it to our meat and we’re just gonna go in there with our hands. I know what you’re saying, “Josh, you got a little five reservoir condom on top of that Pam non-stick spray. Why don’t you use that?” Well, I’m not gonna. I like to mix the meat very thoroughly ’cause you’re trying to kind of elongate those strands, get it nice and dense. Other things via Swedes, I found out I do love hot mulled wine. I love me some glogg. I found out I do not like oral tobacco. Do not like the snus. And for such a healthy people, boy, do they use a lot of snus, and it does not agree with me. That was a, yeah, woo, never going back. Threw up on Catalina Island from it. All right, so yeah, I went hiking with some Swedes on Catalina. So we’re gonna add that to there. God, my hand’s cold, and then we’re gonna pop some foil on it. We’re just gonna bake it. We’re gonna bake it off and it’s meat. Now we shall make the pizza sauce. So I made the Domino’s comparison earlier because to my knowledge, the pizza sauce, especially in the style of Jonkiping, it’s just a little bit of sweet, little bit of very like kind of tomato pasty, which if you look at the Domino’s ingredients list, the only ingredients in there are like tomato paste, water, and then like secret spices, which is probably just like a little whisper of oregano in there. So that’s what we’re gonna do right now. We’re gonna take some tomato puree, some passata if you’re Australian. And then we’re gonna take some tomato paste. Like all of Scandinavian modern design, this pizza too is minimalist. It’s like very sparse. You know, a lot of negative space being used in the pizza design. Except when they squirt all the mayonnaise and sauce over it, I guess. I don’t know. But point is, there’s like not a ton of sauce on it. It’s not like a big, greasy Costco pizza or something. Gonna stir that tomato paste in. I think I’ll add some more paste. Give me some more paste that I’m gonna thin out with water. ‘Cause tomato paste got that nice, just concentrated flavor on it. And then we hit with some water and sugar. Yeah, that’s gonna get us where we wanna be. That’s pizza territory. And then we got onion, garlic, and then oregano, thyme. We’re just gonna stir that together. All right, so now we’re making kebab sauce. This is, if you go to like the Eastern seaboard of Canada, they’ll call it doner sauce and like probably actually in Turkey, I suppose. There was probably a Turkish name for it. They wouldn’t call it doner sauce. Anyhoo, this is the white sauce that they serve with any sort of kebab in Sweden and nobody knows the exact formula. Every place has their secret recipe. Some people say they put like Fanta in it as a thing? We just kinda Googled a bunch of stuff and started whipping things together and found a combination that we like. So we’re gonna take a cucumber. We’re gonna grate that in there for freshness. Yeah, there you go. Ow! It hurts the knucks. Got the bruised knucks. All right, cool. And now you’re gonna essence the tomato sauce with the cucumber. What?! Delicious. We’re grating garlic in here and I palm heel striked it. Please buy the palm heel strike shirt. It’s a really good design. We really like it. One more garlic to grate. Ouch, ouch. Palm heel strike! So we’re going kebab sauce. So we’re going mayonnaise. Mayonnaise, come on. It just, it just makes the world a better place. Pineapple juice for sweetness. I said that Fanta is sometimes used in there and that is what we’re going with. The pineapple juice. And then we’re adding a little bit of chili sauce. This is the chili sauce. It generally comes with a lot of Chinese American foods. And then now we’re adding a little bit of pepperoncini, also known as I believe, fefferoni peppers in Sweden? So we’re just adding all of this. My favorite thing about Swedish pizza, at least at the Viking Pizza & Kabob, well, let me stir the sauce, is that you get something called pizzasallad with it. One word. Pizzasallad. There’s like more consonants than you want to be in that word. There’s a little cup of salted cabbage to eat with your pizza. Let’s try this. This is as good as a whisk. Tangy. It’s sweet. It’s a little spicy. It’s complex. I’m gonna add a little bit of salt to it and then stir it with the bag of, ooh, pepper. If you’re still there, we’re still making kebab pizza against all odds. So what we got, we got our little kebab raft out of the oven. We’re just gonna flip that here. Here is a little bit of, yeah, it looked grosser than I was expecting. That’s just some of the congealed juices. Those are gonna be nice. We got nice little electric knife here and we’re just gonna thinly shave some of that kebab meat off. Just like they do at the restaurants. We’re gonna get some nice little kebab curls. Why is everybody laughing? I just think this is rad. Look at that! It’s nice! Now we’re gonna get that into a nice, hot pan. There’s a lot of congealed pork. There’s more congealed pork. There’s a non-zero number of congealed pork fat. That’s all I paused to say. Sorry. Sorry, if you thought anything else was coming. Shaving it. We want very thin strips on this. That way we can get ’em extra nice and caramelized. Hey, think this will slice a banana? Speaking of bananas, Swedes, and pizza. Do you know that pizzas put Swedes on bananas? I don’t even know how to stretch pizza dough and I never really have. I’ve made a lot of pizzas. Shoot. Yeah, we’re just gonna put that on there and I’m gonna press it out with my hands. I’ve spent so much of my life just learning absolutely useless facts that I’ve forgotten to do, like I’ve forgotten to learn certain things in cooking, like how to stretch pizza dough and so I don’t know how to do it and I’ll never learn about it because I’ll get distracted researching the Korean sense of collective shame called han. Gonna really use the lats. You’re gonna kind of drive down, press it to the edge. Like I said, it’s a very thin crust pizza with like, there’s not like a prominent cornetto, there’s not a prominent crust on Swedish pizza. What we’re gonna do, we’re gonna take a knife. I’m just gonna trace around the crust here. Be as authentic to Jonkoping as possible. Do I know where Jonkoping is? No. Oh God, you gotta go quick. That was the pork juice. That was the pork juice. These are gonna naturally break down into smaller, smaller little bits, and we’re gonna get ’em on the pizza. Now we got a beautiful pizza made. Looks like ass. We’re gonna put some sauce on it. As soon as we get, as soon as we gonna put some sauce on it, with the sauce- You’re gonna take a lot and you’re just going to evenly spread this out. I thought using the knife would make it look cleaner than it did. And it did not. Other cooking shows exist, right? How do they wash their hands? Is that tracking with anyone? Like, how do they, ’cause I feel like my hands are always wet. How do other YouTube chefs like wash their hands? In a sink. But wait, but I have to go off camera for that. They cut out. Editing. They edit it. Do we do that? Do we edit these? I thought the bars and tone that we do is just like an auto sensor. We’re gonna pop this in the oven. Probably gonna go pretty low temp on it, like 400 degrees for about 12, 13 minutes. We’re not cooking this like Neapolitan style. We’ll just kind shape it into more of a circle. Yeah. Gonna shape it into more of a circle then we’re gonna bake it off. There we go. That’s better. All right. See you guys. Oh, here we go. That dough is so light and airy. God, this feels like nothing. This is great. This is the perfect thin crust. That double zero flour really gets you an extra element. So now we’re gonna scatter our kebab meat all over it. You do it afterwards. After this is shaved freshly from the spit using my special Siler and Proctor? Proctor and Silex knife that is now a sponsor if, even if they don’t wanna be. All right, so we’re just gonna scatter some kebab meat around here. I’m like deceptively bad at topping pizzas ’cause I can never decide where the next one should go. That seems like a good amount. Now we’re gonna try and like, yeah, okay. Get there. Get there. Be an athlete. Swedish kebab pizza. Swedish. As is tradition, we take two pepperoncinis and you put it there. Let’s eat the pizza. Enough, enough of the- Juice of pepperoncini on it. Y’all don’t do that? That’s how you get the essence of it. I mean, you know, it is what it is. The meat’s seasoned nicely. I love pizza with ranch already built onto it. And yes, technically this is ranch. Is this the best thing you’re ever gonna eat? No. Is it a cool part of cultural history? Yeah. Probably should just order this in the place that I know already makes it good. Let’s go spork Taylor. Taylor, you want to eat some pizza? Yeah. I was just doing some busy work. Oh no. My feet. Oh. Yeah. Oh. There’s oh. That can make you a lot of money on WikiFeet. Gotta see a lot of you all the time. Actually, WikiFeet’s a nonprofit. All right, here. I’m gonna try and- Oh. Spork this slice over to you. All right. Wait, here. Can I use my hands? Is that illegal? Yeah, you can. Wait. Well maybe you’re not gonna wanna ’cause it looks like we can just do this. Okay. Oh! Oh man, wait. Grab it. Oh no! You can grab it, grab it. Okay. Here, take a bite. Well, everything fell off of it. All the meat fell. Here. Swoop it back on. Man, I’m sorry. We try and do good work around here. You know you see us? How hard we try. Can I bend it? Yeah, yeah. Do it. Is that sacrilegious? Fold it New York style. Okay, great. I don’t know enough about Swedish culture to know what they find sacrilegious, which is more like Swedish death metal, though. Oh yeah. All right. You like it. Are you, are you a ranch on pizza guy? Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. You look Midwestern. You Midwestern? Oh yeah. Wait, where are you from? Pennsylvania. Ah, yeah. Close enough. Close enough. In Pittsburgh. That’s Midwest. Is it? Hitch? Huh? I almost went to Carnegie Mellon University. I got Primanti Brothers on my recruit trip. Yeah! Yeah. With the fries in there? Yeah, why aren’t there fries on this? Probably could be on other Swedish pizza. But you like it? As an Italian, I approve. How do you feel as a Swede? Put yourself in their shoes ’cause this is more, I don’t know there’s any Italian influence in this. Is there Swede? I don’t know what to tell you. Taylor, thank you so much. Thank you so much for stopping by the Mythical Kitchen. I’m gonna stop bending. My knees hurt. I got new episodes for you every week. We got new episodes from our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts. Hit us up on Instagram and TikTok under #DREAMSBECOMEFOOD @mythicalkitchen with pictures of your Mythical dishes, just like Taylor did. No relation to this Taylor. They made flying Jacob casserole pizza. It’s a Swedish casserole they turned into a pizza. Sounds similar. Taylor, stop stealing our ideas. Not you. The other Taylor. Uh huh. See you all next time. Oh no. Oh God. Oh, right in the crotch. That’s mayonnaise to the crotch. Oh no. What a good out. Taylor, are you editing this? Yeah. Hot takes make for hot T-shirts, make for hot boy finger summer. Check out our Hot Dogs is a Sandwich tee, available now at mythical.com.