Today, I’m making lunch for my eight year old, Jonah. Jonah’s been vegan for three months now. His mom Sandra’s live-in yoga instructor has been a big influence on his life so I’m making him a simple tofu sandwich. He loves it when I cut into little triangles. I’m giving Jonah the vegetables from the Kung Pao, that way I can save money for more Gary Vaynerchuck webinars. Sandra said I have a lot of work to do on myself before she moves back. This is the only brand of gum Jonah’s been chewing lately, and I mean, he can’t seem to get enough. He’s chewing 13 to 14 pieces a day and who am I to stop him? No one ate the fruit platter I brought to the Gary V Webinar Watch Party last week so Jonah’s getting some leftover honeydew and cantaloupe. Jonah’s been getting bullied more than ever because Yogi Bryan told him to lead meditation circles in class, so I’m giving him some creatine to add mass, and he got a little bit of trouble last time. Finally, I’ve been adding word searches to stimulate Jonah’s intellectual curiosity and this one might be the hardest yet. Sandra baby, if you see this, I never stopped loving you. I smell your pillow.